


Close Your Eyes and Leave Me

by darlingjongin



Series: Close Your Eyes [2]
Category: offgun
Genre: Divorce, F/M, Implied Cheating, M/M, Original Character(s), Slow Burn, Smut, lovers to strangers, side pairing taynew, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:07:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 204,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25573330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingjongin/pseuds/darlingjongin
Summary: Gun was never a sentimental person, but when he looked down at his name signed beside his ex-husband’s, he realised just how much time he wasted. Three years, two months and one week. That was how long they loved each other, but like all things in the world, love rots and ends when time has had enough.
Relationships: Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat, Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Close Your Eyes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1853389
Comments: 309
Kudos: 1390





	1. Prologue.

**Author's Note:**

> **Sequel to _Close Your Eyes and Kiss Me._ Please read before reading this.**   
>  **Also, please don't expect to much. This was made on a whim with not much thought given.**

**Title:** Close Your Eyes & Leave Me

 **Pairing:** OffGun

 **Side Pairing:** Tay/New, Alice/Arm

 **Summary:** Gun was never a sentimental person, but when he looked down at his name signed beside his ex-husband’s, he realised just how much time he wasted. Three years, two months and one week. That was how long they loved each other, but like all things in the world, love rots and ends when the time has had enough.

 **Tags:** lovers to strangers, slow burn, slight angst

 **Warning:** a failed marriage, mentions of toxic families, divorce

** Prologue: Two Weeks Before the Divorce Settlement Meeting. **

Gun walked out into the garden, there was a chilled air which brushed his hair a little as the winds welcomed him. Tay and New’s living room were stuffed with people, laughing and celebrating with loud music and glasses of champagnes passed around. He was confused as to why he got invited in the first place and he initially never wanted to turn up. But he heard from New about the new job, one which required Off leaving the country once again and it felt familiar. The kicking in his stomach was something he’d felt before, the lodged football down his throat as he read New’s message again and again. It felt like his life was on a loop, the tape rewinding to the very beginning.

He couldn’t find his husband anywhere – or should he say, ex-husband. Gun should get used to calling him ex now that the meeting with the lawyers was close. It felt bitter in his tongue, the world rolling down and leaving behind something poisonous. Jaylerr was still inside. He just hoped the gang doesn’t do anything to drag the attention on him rather than on Tay and New.

But as of right now, he couldn’t care if there was a fight happening inside. He couldn’t find the tall man that New promised would be here. He didn’t know whether to be relieved or not. What else could he have said now that everything was over?

‘So, you actually came?’, Gun didn’t need to see him know it was Off’s voice that broke the silence as he walked further into the backyard. The pool lights were the only thing illuminating his face as he sat down on one of the garden seats, a lit cigarette resting between his calloused lips. He stopped walking as he stared down at the man from across the yard, the pool separating them from each other.

‘How long have you been here?’, he asked, his voice raised as he called out to him.

‘Since the beginning’, Off chuckled, ‘Tay needed help with decorations’, he tapped his cigarette, letting the ashes fall on the cement, ‘Did you bring him with you?’

Gun didn’t answer. He stood awkwardly on the edge of the pool, playing with his fingers, ‘You’re not gonna punch him, are you?’, Off didn’t say anything, instead, he stared at him, looking at him up and down as he took another drag, blowing out the grey smokes, blocking his eyes from Gun’s sight.

‘I know you don’t love me anymore’, Off whispered. He finished his cigarette, throwing the butt on the ground as he stood in the middle of Tay’s backyard, listening to the muffled noise of music screaming from the living room. It was dark, the lights from the city hiding the stars scattered all over the sky.

They weren’t kids anymore. A simple confession wasn’t enough to fix the cracks between the two of them and Off realised that nothing was going to change Gun’s mind as they stood across from each other. His hand was hidden inside his pockets, but he felt the gold ring wrapped around his finger, burning hot as he stared down at Gun’s bare hands.

‘You love him, don't you?’, Off said again, ‘I know because you used to look at me the way you look at him’, they were both in suits, a horrific re-enactment of what supposedly was the best day of their lives. But this time, they were both in black, stained with stupid words and loss of interest. It was never supposed to end this way, but the thread that was tied between them was growing thin, tight around their skin until they bled to get rid of it.

‘So, I won’t do anything. I promise’, Off broke the silence, shredding the slither of hope he had kept up until this very moment, ‘He’s a nice man’

‘Don’t fucking start’, Gun growled at him, his brow furrowed furiously as he glared at the only man standing in front of him, ‘Don’t try to play the saint’

‘I’m not’, the tall man smiled, ‘I’m just ready to let you go now’

‘Why now?’, Gun asked, his voice bitter yet broken, just like how he’d been feeling these past few weeks, ‘Why didn’t you let me go when I asked you to? Why did it take you this long?’, their separation was messy, as if they had pulled the stitch one by one and now, they were both bleeding, on the brink of death. The cheers could be heard from where they were and Gun couldn’t help but pity himself as his friends celebrate a joyous occasion. It seemed like everyone was allowed to be happy apart from him. It was unfair.

‘I thought I could make you fall in love with me again’, Off laughed, more to himself, to his failed attempt to keep hold onto someone who didn’t want to stay, ‘You fell in love with me once, I thought you could do it again’

‘I was eighteen. Stupid and desperate’, Gun spat out, his skin was heated, his pulse beating hard when Off continued to smile at him. He wanted to break every little piece of Off, but the latter was strong – he always had been.

‘We both were eighteen, stupid and desperate’, the taller nodded, ‘But we were both hopefuls at twenty-six’

‘We were too young’, Gun whispered, his throat burning up, ‘What were we thinking?’

‘I don’t know what you were thinking, but I knew what I was doing’, Off replied to him, but his smile was gone, just eyes staring down on him as he took a step back, the first movement made, ‘I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun said, and like a magnet, he took a step closer when he realised Off took a step back, ‘I really am’

‘Not a problem’, his husband showed no signs of remorse nor anger, as if his last emotions had already dissipated before tonight. But New had already prepared him for tonight, so Off didn’t expect a miracle, he supposed he already ran out of them when he used his miracle on the night, he reunited with Gun Atthaphan, ‘We all fall out of love. It’s no big deal’

‘You think I’m not a big deal?’, Gun called out.

‘You know that’s not what I meant’, Off replied, their dance stopped when he took another step back, Gun being too close to the pool for him to walk any closer.

‘Are you always gonna leave when something doesn’t go your way?’, Gun shouted, scared that is voice wouldn’t reach Off who was slowly backing away.

‘What’re you talking about?’

‘You always do that. Pretend you don’t exist and leave people’s lives as if you haven’t stained yourself all over us!’, Gun was slightly breathless, his nails digging into his own skin, ‘Fine! This time I’ll really forget you, so go fuck yourself’

Off didn’t say anything. He sighed as he slipped his hand out of his pockets, looking down at the ring that he still had yet to get rid of.

‘This ring is cursed’, he whispered to himself as he slid it off, setting it down on the table.

Gun watched. He saw the ring that had finally left Off’s fingers and he wanted to shout at the man. But then he felt his empty fingers and realised he had no rights. He gasped when he watched Off throw the ring into the pool, hearing a small plop as it sunk to the bottom, nowhere to be seen.

‘I’ll see you around, Gun’, Off smiled at him one last time, escaping through the night as he walked towards the gate leading to the garage, leaving Gun by himself in the dark.


	2. One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Note:** The TayNew wedding segment was actually supposed to be the special chapter, but since it didn’t win, I decided to just integrate it into the first chapter of the sequel.
> 
>  **Warning:** smut/blowjob/handjob

_‘What’s your name little one?’_

_‘Jumpol Adulkittiporn. But my parents call me Off’_

_‘That’s cute. Are you lost, sweetie?’_

_‘No. I just need a place to stay’_

_‘Well, we can take you home, just tell us where you live’_

_‘No. I don’t wanna go home. I wanna hide’_

_‘Hide?’_

_‘Let the boy stay here’, another voice came in and Off peaked in a small shop to where an old woman sat beside boxes of freshly delivered fruit. She had a warm smile but tough hands as she started to peel the apples beside her, ‘If he doesn’t wanna go home, then let him play around here. He’s the new neighbours’ kid, I saw them moving in their stuff at the house uptown. We’ll drop him off when he’s ready to come home’_

_‘Are you sure Mrs Pho? What if they start looking for him? His parents must be worried’_

_‘They’re not’, the little boy by the name of Off Jumpol interrupted them, ‘So, can I stay here? Please?’_

_‘Come here and help me peel these apples, darling. Then you can stay’_

* * *

**January 2021**

‘I cannot believe you agreed to be New’s best man!’, Tay shouted for about the millionth time as Off walked into the venue, taking out his headphones as he prepared for the dress rehearsals.

‘He asked me first’, Off simply reminded him, clearly having enough of his best friend’s pettiness, ‘First come, first serve’

‘I kept in contact with you for six whole years and this is the thanks I get?’, Tay had his hands rested on his waist as he glared at his best friend who was standing beside his fiancé instead of him. It was a mess when Tay found out Off had already agreed on being New’s best man, ‘You’re in on this too’, he pointed to his beloved fiancé with a glare on his face, ‘You stole my best friend’

‘Stop being petty. You should’ve asked first’, New stuck his tongue out playfully, earning a laugh when Tay chased him from one end of the hall to the other.

‘He’s my best friend! I didn’t have to ask’

‘I’m popular’, Off joined in on the joke, pulling New’s sleeves and hiding him behind his back, protecting him from Tay, ‘You should’ve reserved me’

‘Suck a dick, Off Jumpol’, Tay growled at him, kicking at his shin playfully, but it still made the former whine.

‘That’s what he’s been doing all week anyway’, Arm’s voice reached the hall as Tay’s best man walked in, still in his work clothes and a playful grin on his face when Tay and New made a grimaced face.

‘Don’t look at me like that’, Off hit Tay on the arm, ‘As if you two haven’t been spending time fucking like rabbits’

‘Please don’t talk about it. My mum is gonna arrive any minute’, New warned them as the three idiots continued with their obscene jokes despite being in the middle of a lavish temple. It was no surprise that Off’s time and energy had been spent on a certain boy that had slipped back into his life not so long ago, and by the looks of it, the pair had gotten rid of the breaks, going at full speed without any signs of stopping.

‘So, is Gun ever gonna move out of our apartment?’, Tay pointed out with a mischievous grin on his face to which Off simply smacked him on the stomach.

‘He doesn’t live in our apartment’, Off rolled his eyes, ‘It just so happens that he’s always there whenever you decide to come back’

‘You’re lucky I’m moving in New’s apartment’, Tay carried on making fun out of Off, ‘Otherwise, you wouldn’t be fucking as much as you are now’

‘For the love of God, we don’t hook up every day’, Off shouted back, clearly having enough of his friends making fun out of him. But he was the butt of the joke now. Two of the three idiots were married – or getting married – so Off was the only one who they could make fun out of to their heart’s content about stupid shit. It was easy to make fun out of someone with weakness, and lately, Off’s weakness had come in the form of a short boy.

‘Sounds like you do’, Arm smirked, sliding his phone in his pockets as they waited for New’s parents to arrive so they can walk through the dress rehearsals and fitting. A couple of months ago, many people would question whether New’s family would even be present at this wedding, let alone planning it with gusto and passion, but times have changed and New’s parents had been calling them up in the middle of the night, sending them emails through their work accounts about suit fittings, photoshoot schedules and catering information. It was overwhelming but surprisingly wholesome when Off would visit New’s apartment, watching him feel giddy at watching his parents and cousins flipping through their scrapbook of wedding plans, excitedly cheering New along.

But Christ, it seemed like their parents were more the Bridezilla than the actual couple.

‘Off, you need to stand a little closer to New’, New’s dad called out, standing at the back and scanning the interior of the ceremonial room. Off had on his suit which was perfectly tailored for him, yet it still felt slightly uncomfortable and he didn’t know whether it was from the material he chose or if he’d gained weight. Either way, New’s mum was going to kill him if he gained weight since the wedding was near and it would be too late to retailor his suit.

‘Why’s your dad acting like Quentin Tarantino?’, Arm asked under his breath when he was asked to move as well, passing Off as they stood behind the couple, ‘It’s a wedding, not a fucking feature-length’

Off couldn’t help but snicker a little, the two boys laughing like high school kids as they tried to keep a straight face, pretending to listen to New’s parents’ directions.

‘Stop laughing otherwise they’ll make us do it again’. New leaned back a little, but he was still facing the front as he told the two boys off, ‘I wanna leave too. I’m starving’

‘Go figures’, Off whined, ‘You’ve been here all day and I’ve only been here for an hour and I feel like dying’

‘Are your gramps coming or are we gonna pretend that they’re standing beside us again?’, Arm asked when they repositioned themselves to the back of the temple where they were supposed to bow to each other’s family as a parting of the ceremony. They had already practised with Tay’s grandparents who was too excited for the ceremony, they had to keep repeating the bowing ceremony due to their lack of control to not keep hugging New as if he was their new puppy. In a sense, he kinda was.

‘They said they’ll come this week’, New explained, although even he didn’t sound as excited about it as one should when it came to a joyous occasion, but they didn’t ask further questions.

‘P’Off!’

‘Why does he keep calling you like that?’, Tay asked when they heard a familiar shout coming from the entrance, ‘We’re all the same age’

‘It could be worse’, New chuckled when Gun walked in the room, raving his arm wide and long, ‘He could be calling Off daddy or something’

‘Gross’, Arm and Tay whispered simultaneously as Gun approached them, flinging his arms up until it wrapped itself around Off’s neck, bringing him down to a hug.

‘You look cute’, he mentioned, looking at his suit which matched Arm’s, ‘How was rehearsals’

‘Alright’, Off replied, wanting for Gun to let go so he could stand up straight, however, the boy kept hold of him like a monkey holding onto a tree, ‘Okay babe, you could let go of me now’

‘No, I haven’t seen you all day’, Gun whined, his lower lip protruding to a pout, ‘I’ve been at work all day’

‘God, get a room’, the three boys looked at the couple, rolling their eyes and faking a gag. Gun heard them and looked up, sticking his middle finger up as he squeezed the hug tighter.

‘Gun Atthaphan! What’re you doing here?’

‘Alice! My darling’, Arm called out when he saw his wife walking in, joining them finally.

‘Why’re you calling me that?’, Alice furrowed his brows and watched her clingy husband snake his arms around her waist, ‘Stop that, we’re not kids anymore’, she said to him before she pushed him out of the way, making everyone laugh at Arm’s failed attempt to recreate Gun’s childish entrance. Arm and Alice were old souls by now, being together since they were teenagers, their playfulness changed into something more comfortable, something more casual than the brightness that Gun offered whenever he heard the sound of Off’s name.

‘How’s Mrs Chansook doing?’, New asked, embracing her when she opened her arms to greet him, ‘Have you called the florist?’

‘Of course,’, Alice winked at him, ‘I’ve managed to get a discount for you since I’m a loyal customer’

‘Thank god you got married first’, Tay chuckled, ‘Now we just gotta ask you to set up everything for us’, it had only been a couple of months since Alice and Arm’s wedding and the buzz of their newly bonded matrimony was still intact to the point where they didn’t mind planning Tay and New’s sudden wedding.

‘You’re lucky I’m giving you the contacts. I don’t want this wedding to be a copy and paste scenario’

‘I don’t think it would’, Gun pointed out, ‘Your wedding was magical’

‘You’re only saying that cos Off proposed to you’, New pointed at the ring which still rested on Gun’s finger, making the later blush but someone else bitter.

‘What did I say about proposing at my wedding?’, Arm glared at his best friend, but Off raised his hand in shock. Arm almost fainted when he heard from Tay about the ring that rested around Gun’s ring finger the morning after their wedding. He wanted to fly back to Thailand from his honeymoon just to punch Off in the face.

‘I didn’t propose’, Off defended himself, raising his hands up, ‘That’s just a promise ring. There’s a difference’

‘You used your mother’s engagement ring as a promise ring?’, their friends laughed at him and Off could only huff at discontent for being the butt of everyone’s jokes lately.

‘I think it’s cute’, Gun defended him, holding up his hand and looking at the ring which was old yet recently cleaned, the small diamond ring sitting humbly on his finger, ‘Random men have stopped hitting on me since I put it on’

‘Well duh’, New laughed, ‘They wouldn’t hit on you if they think you’ve engaged already’

‘Oh well, less competition for me’, Off grinned smugly, sliding his hands in his pockets once Gun snaked his arms around his waist, waiting for them to finish their rehearsals so they could grab dinner together.

* * *

‘It’s been a long time since we’ve hung out, but thanks for inviting me to your wedding’, Gun spoke once they arrived at the restaurant. Gun had been left alone with New, his old friend, whilst the rest used the restroom and it was slightly awkward between them. Not because they had fought or anything, but time just changed them both too much that they were no longer the teens who got close with each other during high school.

‘You would’ve been Off’s plus one anyway’, New added, the pair smiling at each other whilst they listened to the loud music playing from the restaurant’s speakers. New had not spoken to Gun for years and he even forgot his name at some point, only being reminded when Tay would mention their high school memories in a passing moment, but even then, New couldn’t deny that even between them, there were words left unspoken that he should’ve addressed during graduation but he never got the balls to say it.

‘Sorry I lost contact with you during college’, New broke the silence, ‘I didn’t mean to’

‘I guess I have to apologise too’, Gun nodded, ‘I left you alone during Senior year and I didn’t bother to keep in touch with you either, so it’s my fault too’

‘Had I known about… Well, you know… You and Off… I would’ve done something’

‘What would you have done?’, Gun asked whilst laughing, crossing his arms and waiting for New to reply. He knew the latter was just being friendly, but for a moment they both imagined Gun telling New about his sudden crush on his worst enemy in high school and they couldn’t help but burst in fits of laughter. It would be a mess. New had a blabbering mouth and it would’ve reached Tay before the bell rang for last period.

‘I supposed there was nothing else I could do’, New nodded in agreement, ‘But maybe you didn’t have to feel alone if you had me’

‘It’s okay’, Gun shook his head, ‘I guess I learnt my lesson’

‘You sure did’, New chuckled, ‘A lesson that lasted for six years’

‘So, what’re we ordering?’, Arm clapped his hands and shouted as soon as he got back to the table, being followed by everyone else as they grabbed hold of the menus, scanning through the food.

‘No spices, I beg of you’, Off announced before anyone could even have a chance to read through the menu. Off had always been dominate when it came to ordering food, most of the time, all the food they ordered catered for his cravings rather than everyone else’s. That much hadn’t changed.

‘How about this, P’Off?’, Gun pointed at a certain dish and everyone stared suspiciously at how Off casually followed Gun’s suggestions.

‘May I ask why you call Off formally all of a sudden?’, Alice, being the only one brave enough to ask, looked at the pair with a smug look in her expression.

‘He’s been calling me that since high school’, Off shrugged his shoulders, ‘You used to address me as P’Off too’, he reminded Alice, chuckling a little when Alice kicked his feet under the table, ‘I was the oldest in our year group, so by default, I was the P’ of class’

‘That makes sense’, New sighed a relief, ‘I thought he started calling you that for a kinky reason’

‘Oh, you mean if I call him P’Off during sex?’, Gun asked, making everyone choke on air when he bluntly mentioned it, ‘I do’

‘Jesus’, Tay whispered as he poured himself a drink, ‘We didn’t need to know that part’

‘Well, you were all wondering’, Gun shrugged, treating the conversation so nonchalantly, they were all shook. Well, everyone except Off who had already gotten used to it.

‘Can’t you just use each other’s name? Why do you need to have a pet name during sex?’, New asked, clearly not reading the room from everyone else giving him glares to drop the subject.

‘It turns Off on’

‘Okay babe, you can shut up now’, Off interrupted Gun before he spilt any more information the rest of the world didn’t need to know. He held his hand on Gun’s mouth, blocking him from speaking whilst everyone started to laugh at him. He could already feel his neck turn red.

‘Off Jumpol, you’re gross’, Arm clapped his hands and laughed at his best friend.

‘New, try it, I bet Tay’s gonna melt’, Gun defended his boyfriend when they continued to make fun out of him, dragging the attention back to the main couple.

‘P’Tay’, New joined in almost immediately at embarrassing at his fiancé. Tay’s eyes turned round as he continued, his neck turning red.

‘Don’t’, Tay pointed a finger at him, but with his flustered reaction, New felt too amused to follow Tay’s orders, calling out his name again.

‘P’Tay’

‘I said don’t!’

* * *

‘Want a drink?’, Off offered when they arrived at his apartment, Gun throwing his bag on the sofa as he laid down. He’d already made a home in the tall man’s apartment that Off wouldn’t even tell him off for kicking up his feet on the sofa, unlike other guests.

‘Just water. I’m full from dinner’, Gun announced, playing with his phones as he waited for his boyfriend to join him, ‘Have you finished your best man speech yet?’, he asked when he heard Off’s footsteps coming from the kitchen and he laughed when Off shook his head.

‘I’m this close to just repeating my best man speech from Arm’s wedding’

‘Tay’s gonna kill you’, Gun giggled at him, holding onto the glass of water as he sat up, leaving his phone on the sofa.

‘I’m not his best man’, Off chuckled, ‘I’m New’s’

‘I still don’t understand how that happened’

‘Well, remember when New accidentally told the whole school he had a crush on Tay?’

‘During Junior Year?’, Gun asked, laughing when Off reminded him of the biggest thing that happened before summer started. It was the worst but the best thing to happen to his old friend and he remembered the buzz it made even though it’s been years, ‘Who would forget that?’

‘It wasn’t an accident’, Off confessed.

‘Huh?’

‘I heard you and New talking and I thought it was a good idea to turn on the mic so Tay could hear’

‘Are you fucking kidding?’

‘Nah’, Off smirked, laying on the sofa, grabbing Gun’s shirt and pulling him into an embrace, ‘I totally set them up’

‘You’re a dickhead’, Gun punched his stomach lightly, but he didn’t stop Off snake his arms around his waist, ‘New stressed for the whole summer because of you’

‘Well, Tay became interested in him because of me. So, I guess it worked out for the best’, Off laughed. He had thought about it for a bit, and he realised he had every chance to bask in the glory of setting both his friends up with their other halves, so they could joke about him all they want, but at the end of the day, without him, they wouldn’t have each other.

‘What could’ve happened if you put as much effort in your own love life?’, Gun asked, and there was a shade of sarcasm hidden with bitterness in his tone which made Off sighed.

‘Are you still gonna bitter about it?’, Off looked down on his, watching Gun rest his cheek on his chest.

‘Who tells people they love them when they’re asleep?’

‘At least I tried’, Off said, hugging him tighter, ‘You never even said it to me. So, I get bonus points’

‘Shut up. I would’ve said it if you did’

‘Why do I have to be the one to say it first?’

‘Have mercy on me’, Gun whined, ‘You were the first boy I was attracted to’

‘Mercy, huh?’, Off smirked, leaning down and leaving kisses all over Gun’s neck, making him squirm a little, ‘Is that what you were asking last night?’

‘Don’t’, Gun whined, but he laughed when Off turned them over, Gun laid on his back as Off leaned his weight on his hands, ‘I have an early meeting tomorrow’

‘I won’t do anything’, Off snickered, yet his actions contradicted his words, his lips slowly climbing down Gun’s neck, teeth grazing his soft skin.

‘Off, don’t leave any marks’, Gun warned him due to embarrassing circumstances when he once went to work without the knowledge that a purple bruise was freshly painted on his neck, causing stares from his superiors and clients. Gun didn’t even hear Off’s reply, but it was probably because he didn’t say anything back, his hands doing all the taking as it slid under his shorts, cold fingers wrapped around his burning cock which was slowly hardening under his touch. Off’s hands were quick in motion, erratic as he jerks Gun off, chuckling when Gun’s parted lips turned swollen, pink lips calling out his name.

‘P’Off’, he whispered, this time all jokes aside, begging the former to continue, his hands shaking against Off’s neck, tugging him closer, ‘So close’, he whispered, biting Off’s earlobes, rutting against Off’s hands until he felt his stomach tighten. His nails dug in the taller’s skin, a sigh of relief as he released on Off’s hands.

Off noticed that Gun definitely wasn’t young anymore, not when he flipped him around without warning, switching position as he laid on top of the taller, grinding down against his clothed dick. Gun begged for an early night in, but here he was, picking up where Off left, tugging his top off until they were both shirtless, hands roaming each other’s skin.

They had no lube or time to fuck, but that didn’t stop Gun from lowering his kisses, unbuttoning Off’s jeans, his warm hand stroking his cock. He could hear Off’s moans; whispers of his name being called out when his tongue licked the taller’s shaft.

‘Fuck, Gun’, Off whispered, trails of curses leaving his lips as he held on the back of Gun’s neck, guiding him. Gun took Off’s cock in his mouth, tongue swirling around the tip. He felt Off’s harsh grip on his hair, and he couldn’t help but go down deeper, internally chuckling when he heard Off’s deep moans. Gun was confidently cocky – excuse the pun – when it comes to sucking cock, smirking a little when he tasted Off’s release.

‘What time is it?’, Off asked between breaths, lifting Gun up to lay down next to him.

‘Midnight’, Gun replied when he turned to look at the clock by the coffee table.

‘When’s your meeting?’

‘Eight o’clock’, Gun laughed, knowing that he was probably going to be tired for tomorrow, but he didn’t care much, not when Off’s arms were warm around his, the pair sleeping on the sofa out of pure laziness.

* * *

**Wedding Day.**

Off looked down at his cue cards, wrinkled and slightly folded after being buried inside his pockets since morning. His messy writing didn’t help as he read them aloud over and over again, trying not to mess up as they waited for the ceremony to begin.

‘God, what am I doing?’, he heard New’s voice as they stayed inside the rooms outside the temple. He looked up to watch the boy staring at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair over and over again, pacing back and forth inside the room.

‘Are you getting cold feet?’, Off asked when he realised how nervous the poor boy was, ‘Because if you are, then tell me so I don’t have to memorise all of these cards’, Off lifted up the cue cards, trying to make a joke, but when New didn’t smile, he was starting to ger nervous, ‘Are you seriously getting cold feet’

‘I don’t want my grandparents to make a scene. What if they object?’

‘They wouldn’t have agreed to come if they weren’t going to approve of it’, Off pointed out, slowly freaking out when New’s breathing began to hasten. He knew when anxiety was coming and he had an odd feeling that maybe New was going to have one. He quickly dropped his cards on the nearing table, walking towards New as he rested his hands on his arms, stroking it softly as he spoke slowly to the man.

‘Control your breathing’, Off ordered him, New’s cheeks turning red when he began to breathe heavily, ‘Breath every time I say two, okay?’, he commanded, squeezing New’s arms and counting in twos, slow breathes as the groom closed his eyes, chanting a mantra that Off couldn’t make out, but he let New do whatever he needed to do to keep calm.

‘New, this is your day’, Off reminded him, leaning his hand on his chin, ‘You make sure to have the best time, okay? Forget about what everyone else thinks, they have no rights to ruin the best day of your life, okay?’

‘Okay’, New agreed, but his skin was feeling warm under Off’s touch, making the latter nervous. He didn’t know what else he could do but offer him a drink of water, passing him a bottle in his bag.

‘Plus, if your grandparents start to stir shit, I’ll pull them out of the temple, got it?’, Off joked, this time New responding with a smile to the former’s relief, ‘Just keep your eyes on Tay. It’s about the two of you today’

‘You’re right’, New smiled, ‘You’re right’

‘Of course, I am’, Off chuckled, leaning on the wall as he watched New finish his drink, watching him fan himself as he looked back to the mirror, staring at himself in utter shock. _He was getting married._ And not just with anyone, but with Tay Tawan.

‘I’m getting married’, he whispered to himself, looking at his perfectly tailored suit, made just for him, made just for this ceremony and he immediately stopped shaking, instead, he turned his head to face Off who was just about to pick up his cards again, ‘I’m getting married!’, he shouted, taking a leap and running to his best friend, engulfing him into a surprise hug – much to Off’s surprise – dropping all his cards on the floor.

‘My cards! They’re out of order!’, Off shouted, his eyes turning wide at the floor, ‘New Thitipoom!’

‘Just make up some bullshit’, New chuckled, his mood completely turned around from just five minutes ago, ‘I don’t care what you say, as long as you’re here’

‘Sentimental twat’, Off whispered in English, but since it was New’s wedding, not his, he decided to fuck those cards and leave them on the floor, laughing when the door swung open, his dad entering with a bouquet of flowers to which New started bawling his eyes out at the sight.

The poor groom’s been in three major mood changes in the span on ten minutes, but Off couldn’t help but feel entertained by it.

* * *

‘Mild! Jane! You made it’, Gun waved his hands as he watched the beautiful couple walk into the venue. They wore beautiful gowns that they probably stole from their artists’ wardrobe, ‘You both look stunning’, he commented.

‘So, do you’, Jane smiled, hugging Gun into a tight embrace as the whispers turned to silence, warning them that the ceremony was about to start.

‘I’m so excited. I wanna see how New looks’, Mild whispered, the three sitting towards the front where Tay was patiently waiting at the front. He looked absolutely stunning, suited and groomed, hair parted in the middle as he conversed with Arm, whispering amongst themselves as the music began to play.

‘I want a wedding like this’, Mild whined a little, earning a chuckle from Gun as he watched Jane’s reaction.

‘Has she been giving hints?’, he asked.

‘Ever since Alice’s wedding’, Jane whispered back. Gun wanted to make fun out of her, but they had to keep quiet now. The orchestra was live and a wave of strings greeted the room, filling it with soft romance that had the guests turning back when the door opened.

‘Gorgeous as always’, Gun smiled when he watched New walked down, a wide grin that he couldn’t get rid of. The rest of the guests watched as New was brought down with his father and best man on either side of him, standing tall and proud whilst Tay playfully winked at New.

Off patted New’s shoulders, urging him to walk to the alter without them, Tay walking down the stairs to meet with him.

‘Go get him’, Off whispered before stepping backwards, standing beside New’s father who nodded a thankful acknowledgement at him as they watched.

‘They look cute’, Gun whispered to the girls, about to take a picture with his phone when Tay missed a step, falling down the small steps and landing on New who didn’t expect it, the grooms falling on the red-carpeted floor in front of one hundred of their guests.

‘What an absolute twat’, Off whispered to himself in English as he hid his face on his palm whilst New’s father started to laugh, kneeling down to pick up his son.

‘You can say Tay fell for New’, Mild whispered, making the three of them laugh, biting their lips as the other guests turned around to glare at them for them to shut. But, despite the slight altercation, New and Tay still had a wide grin on their faces, more so when New dropped his bouquet of flowers to hug Tay, the pair laughing at each other. They could never do things properly, even after hours and weeks of rehearsals, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

Off, after the wave of second-hand embarrassment disappeared, started to laugh along with them, clapping his hands, winking at his best friend who turned to stare at him before he reached his hand out to hold onto New’s.

The best man couldn’t help but to turn back to the guests, searching for Gun whose smile was wide, dimples showing whilst he whispered to Mild and Jane. Off realised that Gun looked marvellous, even more so when the sun hits through the coloured glass windows, shades of reds and yellows illuminating on his perfect skin. It wasn’t his day, but whenever he stared at Gun, he felt like everything was meant for them, including him standing by the aisle, watching Gun.

_‘Don’t you dare propose at my wedding’_

_‘I won’t do that. I promise’_

Off snickered to himself as he walked beside Arm who was standing on the side of the stage, biting his tongue and trying not to laugh as he witnessed everything with a perfect view. He wasn’t going to break his promise on his best friend, but the sudden idea watching Gun walk down the aisle didn’t sound too far-fetched for him anymore.

‘Tay’s an idiot’, Arm whispered to him, leaning his arm on his shoulders, ‘Of course, he’d trip over his own wedding’

‘He’s Tay Tawan’, Off whispered back, trying to lower their voices when the priest began the ceremony, ‘If he didn’t fall, he’ll set something on fire’

‘We still have reception. I bet he will’

‘He probably will’, Off nodded with Arm, sliding his hands inside his pockets and feeling the cold metal ring he’d kept hidden for weeks now. He stole a glance at the back again, watching Gun holding his phone, his mother’s ring still wrapped around his ring finger, shining bright when the sunlight hits it.

He couldn’t help but smile to himself, looking down at his shoes and avoiding his best friend’s eye contact. Arm started to notice how cheery Off was today. But Off couldn’t help but think the ring inside his pockets needed to be with its intended owner soon.

\---

**July 2024**

Gun stayed at Jingjing’s place, his eyes swollen and cheeks puffed from crying too much. His best friend leaned on the kitchen door, watching him drink his tea.

‘What happened this time?’, she asked, her nervousness turning into a line of boredom and irritation whenever Gun would run over to her at the smallest inconvenience.

‘I just don’t think… It’s working anymore’, Gun sighed the last part, a confession he had to squeeze out of himself since he himself couldn’t fathom at the prospect of regret, especially when it came to Off Jumpol. That man was something that he vowed never to regret and even during their worse times, he’d never felt like he made a mistake, but now… He didn’t know anymore.

‘What exactly did he do?’, Jingjing questioned, nothing more but confusion filling her mind. Off had never been one to cause unnecessary pain and she had given more than approval but absolute faith that Off Jumpol was going to take care of her best friend. So, over the past couple of months, the growing tension between the two had been confusing and out of the blue.

‘It’s just… He’s not being himself. Like… He’s slowly slipping and he won’t let me take care of him’

‘Off’s always been closed off’, Jingjing pointed out, resting her warm hands around Gun’s shoulders, massaging it a little as she leaned her chin on the top of his head, ‘It’s hard for people to open up when they spent all their lives shielding themselves from the rest of the world’

‘I’m his husband. I should be the exception’

‘When was the first time you say Off cry? Huh?’, Jingjing suddenly asked him and Gun stayed silent. Not because he was thinking, but because a wave of realisation had hit him, punching him through his chest. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Off cry before, especially not when they were young, not even during the boy’s darkest moments. How can a lover not see their husband cry? Was that considered normality for others? Or was Off not willing to open up to anyone including him, his husband?

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry’

‘That’s not okay’, Jingjing whispered, ‘Maybe Off’s slipping because he can’t shield himself anymore. You just need to be there for him, find out what’s happening’

‘I’ve tried’, Gun sighed, sniffling a little as he wiped his nose with the ends of his sleeves, ‘He won’t let me in’

‘He will. He will’


	3. Two.

_‘Where’s dad going?’, Gun asked when he came back from is violin lessons. His mum looked distraught, her cheeks flushed but there was an emptiness in her eyes, as if nothing can make her feel anymore, ‘Dad?’, he called out to the figure holding onto his bags._

_‘Hey kiddo’, his dad faked a smile, but his dark under eyes and the wrinkle on the sides of his lips showed no signs of happiness, ‘I’m gonna go now kid. Take care of your mum for me’_

_‘Where are you going?’, Gun asked, setting down his violin case on the floor as he walked over to his dad. He already knew the answer, the worthless nights of shouting and screaming were enough for him to guess, but he still held onto some form of hope that his parents would work it out. He tugged on his dad’s sleeves, pulling him towards him and away from the door, ‘Don’t go’_

_‘It’s for the best kid’, his dad said to him, ‘It will do you good, I promise’_

_That was the last thing Gun’s dad ever said to him. He didn’t know whether he was telling the truth or not, but his promise was one of separation, not of reunion, so he didn’t hold onto much hope that he was ever going to meet his father again and asked him what he meant by that._

**Six Months Before the Meeting.**

‘I want a divorce’, Gun showed no mercy when he slid the papers on Off’s desk, avoiding his eye contact. He barely visited the man’s office, nor did he thought he was invited to do so, but when he finally took the chance to look at his husband, he saw what he usually sees. Off Jumpol’s poker face, no shade in expression, not a sign of emotion in his eyes. It made things easier, but it also made it worse.

Off slid the papers closer to him, reading the words which were typed up perfectly, in bold as if plainly laughing at him, ‘You want it now?’, he commented, ‘Or are you gonna let me get a lawyer first?’

Gun bit the inside of his cheeks at Off’s response. It felt bitter, almost sarcastic and he hated it. He didn’t expect Off to beg for him to stay, nor did he expect a movie like line coming out from his mouth, but a little sentimental thought might’ve been enough for him to rip up the papers right there and then. Because Gun was desperate. He does stupid things when he’s desperate, like asking his husband for a divorce without warning.

‘I’m staying over at Jingjing’s’, Gun announced, grabbing his bag as he began to walk out of his office. He saw the multiple artists signed under his team, numerous pictures of him attending award shows, dinner events with celebrities, hung and framed around his office. He noticed that there weren’t any photos of him.

‘What if I say no?’, Off called out to him before his hands could reach the doorknob.

‘Why would you?’, Gun turned around and looked at him, ‘Don’t you want this too?’

‘Do you think I do?’

‘I don’t know what you think’, Gun sighed, ‘You don’t tell people shit. Not me, not your dad not even your best friends. I can’t read your mind Off Jumpol, and I’m done trying’, with that, he mustered up all the courage he had as he opened the door, walking out of Off’s office and leaving the building.

* * *

**January 2021**

‘Congratulations idiot!’, Mike shouted as soon as Tay and New went over to their table during the wedding reception. Their old classmates were seated together at the front, where they can keep an eye on them, clanking their glasses and cheering.

‘You’re an embarrassment, but you’re New’s embarrassment now!’, Fiat shouted at the couple, making everyone laugh as he brought back the embarrassing incident during the ceremony.

‘My shoelaces were untied!’, Tay shouted in his defence, only making everyone laugh even more.

‘It’s okay’, New chuckled, squeezing his hands tight before he could start a fight at his own wedding, ‘It was perfect’

‘Very Tay’, Oab joined in, smiling as he raised a glass, followed by everyone, ‘To the happy couple’, he began a cheer, ‘May they last till their bones break’

Tay hit Oab on the arm, but that didn’t stop everyone repeating the cheers before they downed their champagne, clapping their hands once more to witness their old friends coming together in matrimony, a seasonal event that’s been piling up on their schedules since last year.

‘Where’s your best man?’, Oab suddenly asked when he noticed that Off was nowhere to be seen. He looked across the room, to where the dancefloor was, to find Arm and Alice dancing to a slow song in the middle, as if they had just fallen in love, smiling at each other as Alice leaned in for a kiss. But Off wasn’t with them.

‘Probably off somewhere with that boy of his’, Fiat joked, pointing at the empty seat next to him where Gun was supposed to be.

* * *

‘You look nice tonight’, Gun smiled as they sat on the steps of the building. He smelt the smoke from Off and he wished the boy would quit smoking, but he couldn’t force him to do so.

‘Well, New’s mum would’ve killed me if I didn’t look my best at her only son’s wedding’, Off joked, turning his head to blow out the grey smokes away from Gun since he knew the latter didn’t appreciate his smoking habits. Off suddenly felt overwhelmed when Gun said he wanted to join him outside for a smoke and he realised the boy just didn’t wanna be without him and the ring in his pocket felt heavier.

He looked down at Gun’s hands, seeing his mother’s ring resting so peacefully on it and he couldn’t help but laugh. His father still doesn’t talk about his mother and he doesn’t bother to ask anymore, not when he’d just rather forget. But that ring, it was haunting him, as if the weight was going to push Gun into the same direction as his parents. But then again, it was just a ring, and maybe this time, the ring might get lucky with them. His mother’s ring was going to gain a new owner, one who won’t let anything happen to it. He was sure of that.

‘Who do you think’s next?’, Gun suddenly asked, leaning his palm on the ground as he looked up at the starless skies.

‘Out of the rest of us? Probably Mild and Jane’, Off replied, laughing since he also noticed the way Mild would revel on the wedding decorations, standing a little too close to the front when it was time to throw the bouquet of flowers to the guests.

‘Oab looked really cute with his date’, Gun mentioned, and Off couldn’t help but nod. He introduced her as Alrisa, a girl from his workplace and she was gorgeous, sweet too.

‘Do you remember when he liked you in high school?’, Off reminisced, laughing at the memory.

‘I felt sorry when I rejected him’, Gun admitted, leaning his head on Off’s shoulder, listening to the city’s bustling streets of car honking and sirens. The music was getting louder from inside, but even with all the noise, it felt peaceful, just the two of them alone.

‘Why did you?’, Off asked, not that he wanted to know, but he was suddenly curious. Oab was one of the nicest people in their year and no one would want to reject someone like him – everyone apart from Gun.

‘I liked someone else’, Gun simply replied, ‘I liked you’

‘Really?’, Off coughed out a little, the smoke burning his eyes a little as he finished his cigarette. Once everything was quiet, Gun realised how odd everything was, feeling like a kid even until now. But it was all because of Off Jumpol. A boy he once thought only belonged in his lingering memories of the past, but now that he’s here, he was still obnoxious, arrogantly placing himself at the centre of Gun’s life, fitting so perfectly as if Gun had reserved that spot for him to come back to, ‘You nervous about your speech?’

‘Nah’, Off laughed, flicking the butt of his cigarette towards the trash, landing perfectly in, ‘I’ll just wing it’

‘You’ve been preparing it for months’, Gun leaned his chin on his shoulders, staring at Off’s side profile, ‘You were stressing about it more than you were for Arm’s wedding’

‘Yeah, well, I owe Tay’, Off whispered, his smile disappearing for a moment. Gun noticed, but he didn’t want to choke the answer out of Off, so he just hugged him tighter, ‘He kept me sane sometimes’

Gun probably concluded it was something about London. Off may not be expressive, but Gun was a lawyer, he knew when something was up even though no words were exchanged between them. He had spoken to Tay about it, but even the latter was careful with his words, advising him not to ask too many questions and just let Off tell him when he’s ready. It made his assumptions grew louder in his mind, he thought of the worse which could happen, but he passed it by whenever Off gave him the same comforting smile as he always does. Maybe silence was his way of moving on, so Gun let it go.

‘If we ever get married, do you think you’ll invite your mum?’, Gun asked out of the blue, making Off choke a little in amusement.

‘I can do that’, he continued to laugh, ‘But that would mean, you’d have to invite your dad’

‘I would if I could’, Gun bitterly responded, ‘But I have no idea if he’s still alive’

‘Off, Gun, what the hell are you guys doing here?’, they heard Arm’s voice coming from the hall, and they turned around to see the other best man walking towards them, ‘It’s almost time, you gotta go’

‘Alright, alright’, Off stood up, coughing a little as he slid into his pockets to get a piece of gum, ‘Where’s Alice?’, they asked him to which Arm just nodded back towards the hall, explaining how Alice was a little too drunk to be picking them up and dragging them back to the reception hall. They couldn’t help but laugh at Arm’s tired expression, knowing he probably had to babysit her for the rest of the night.

‘You signed up for it’, Off said to him before they opened the door, walking into the hall to see Tay and New sitting together at the front, a glass of champagne on their hands as Tay leaned in, pressing his soft lips on New’s cheeks.

The music quietened as soon as they arrived, a round of claps and cheers urging them as both Off and Arm stood at the front of the stage. It felt like déjà vu for Off, standing on stage and saying a few words to a friend as he let them start a new chapter of their lives with someone else. It was a good feeling, especially when he noticed how New and Tay couldn’t stop smiling.

‘I guess it’s only right for me to start’, he began once the cheers died down and the mic was passed down to him, ‘Where to start? I mean, I think it’s fair for me to say it’s all thanks to me that we’re all here tonight. If it wasn’t for me, New would never have confessed to my best friend back in high school. But then again, I’d say it’s also thanks to how resilient and passionate both are when it comes to their relationship. I’ve never met a pair tougher than them. Everything was against them at some point, and even I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just let everything go and leave for an easier love. But when I realised that there was no such thing as an easy love, I knew that both of them stuck around because they had a love they were willing to fight for. And that’s what it’s all about, right?’

He probably should’ve said more, but he left his cards at the spare room in the temple as he rushed out with New. But he also thought, he said what he needed to, turning to wink at his best friend, giving him a warm smile as he clapped his hands for the two, everyone else following him.

‘Let’s raise a glass for the happy couple!’

* * *

‘I was sure you wrote down more than what you said’, Gun mentioned once they arrived home. It was almost dawn and they heard the birds chirping from the open window. They spent the whole night, only leaving when it was time to send Tay and New off to the airport, where they chose to spend their honeymoon in the Philippines.

‘I forgot the rest of them’, Off admitted, throwing his keys on the table and huffing a huge sigh as he dropped on the sofa. He was tired out of his mind – it wasn't even his wedding but the stress got to him. Too many phone calls, last-minute rehearsals and reception to keep control when everyone was getting drunk. He didn’t want to be the best man at any more weddings.

‘I’m gonna go wash up’, Gun called out to him as he entered the bathroom, closing the door and leaving Off behind in the living room. The taller loosened his tie, breathing in slowly as he stared at his white ceiling, listening to the loud chirps of birds and the orange hints of sunrise on his walls.

Off wondered how Gun would react if he proposed tonight? Would he think he was crazy? Or was Gun the overdramatic type? Did he want balloons, a band and fireworks whilst he knelt down on one knee and asked him the question? Too many questions flowed through his mind that it got him hesitant for a moment.

But when he dug down to his pockets to pull out the new ring he purchased on a whim, seeing the small diamond rested around a silver band. It replicated his mother’s ring, small and delicate, but it was new. A fresh new start with no loose threads. He thought it would be a better idea for Gun and him to cut ties with their past, including their parents. The promise ring was starting to lose it meaning the longer Off waited.

‘Hey, are you coming to bed or not?’, Gun called out to him once he opened the bathroom door. His hair was wet, a towel wrapped around his waist and Off didn’t even realise the former had taken a shower. He looked at the clock hanging on the wall and realised he didn’t have time to shower, so he stood up, taking off his blazer and shirt, throwing them on the ground as he went to the bedroom, grabbing Gun by the waist and pulling him to bed with him.

* * *

Off woke up first the morning after. He liked to watch Gun sleep for a few minutes, the latter’s hair messy and cheek pressed against the pillow. Gun looked funny when he slept, not at all cute or sexy like how it’s described in books. He had crust on the side of his eyes, his lips parted and a small pool of drool on his pillows. He couldn’t help but laugh at how he looks.

He didn’t have work today, so he valued his time basking on their bed, stroking Gun’s hair out of his face, letting the sunlight kiss their tired skin good morning. He leaned in and kissed Gun’s forehead, slowly taking out his mother’s ring and replacing it with the new one without Gun’s knowledge.

‘I love you’, he whispered to the boy, smiling to himself as he whispered it again and again.

‘I love you too’, he finally heard a small reply, Gun’s voice croaky from the alcohol, but the reply evidently struck Off, staring as Gun fluttered his eyes open, smiling back at him.

‘You finally heard me?’, Off joked, wrapping his arms around Gun’s waist and pulling him closer till their chest press together.

‘You wouldn’t shut up, how could I not hear you?’, Gun giggled back, closing his eyes again, pressing his face on the crevice of Off’s neck and collarbone, kissing his skin good morning.

‘Breakfast?’

‘Whatever’, Gun replied, his voice still tired, ‘As long as it’s with you’

* * *

Gun got a phone call from the office, calling him in for a quick meeting in the afternoon. He wanted to scream at his co-workers for making him turn up to the office during his day off, but since it was about their most recent client, he had to turn up, so he forced Off to turn off the series they were currently watching on Netflix, rushing to change to his work clothes.

‘That’s my shirt, babe’, Off said once he entered the room to find Gun folding the white button-down shirt, noticing the large size.

‘I don’t care. I need to be by the office in fifteen’, Gun replied, forcefully tucking in the shirt whilst he searched around for his tie.

Gun as a property lawyer. Off still found it amusing. Although, he didn’t know why. His fellow high school classmate had always been book smart, much smarter than he was, even he had to admit. The job suited him, but then again, anything would’ve suited Gun. He would make anything work in his favour. When he realised Gun was still rummaging around for a tie, he opened one of his drawers, pulling out one of his, which was just a plain green one, tugging Gun’s arm to turn him.

‘Your ties are back at your apartment’, Off replied, pulling Gun’s collar up as he wrapped the tie around his neck, ‘You told me to send off your work clothes back to your apartment’

‘Why would I do that?’, Gun asked, his wide eyes looking up at Off, his heart racing fast. They’ve done everything together, they even had sex multiple times around his apartment, but the close proximity between the taller still made Gun’s heart skip a beat, the intimacy over such simple actions caught him in a thrill when he realised it was Off helping him.

‘Because you were complaining how you still pay rent even though you barely live there, so you’re forcing yourself to give excuses to go back’, Off chuckled, snaking his arms around Gun’s waist and pulling him into an embrace, ‘You always leave behind clothes so you have an excuse to go back, don’t you?’

‘Shut up’, Gun pushed him away, ‘I need to go’

‘I’ll order a takeaway when you get back’, Off called back when Gun grabbed his bag and walked out of the room, heading out.

‘Okay!’, he heard Gun shout before closing the door, leaving Off in a trance when only he noticed the small change in Gun’s looks.

* * *

‘Thanks, you’re a lifesaver’, Pluem sighed when Gun handed him the files for their current client, a second copy that he had just in case the worst happened and they lose the files – which they did.

‘You’re lucky Miss Boonlapayanan doesn’t know about this’, Gun warned the new staff, ‘She’s a harsh supervisor’

‘I know’, Pluem sighed, ‘Thanks for not telling her’

‘No problem. Just don’t do anything stupid next time’, he said, patting his shoulders and giving him a warm smile. Gun wasn’t a bitch of a senior, in fact, he was the only one who took it easy when it came to the interns and new staff. He didn’t find it entertaining giving the poor kids hell for no reason.

‘How’s your day off?’, the boy asked, making small conversation as they head out of Gun’s office.

‘It’s been great till I got called back here’

‘Sorry again’, Pluem smiled shyly, ‘But I guess it was incredible. Congratulations by the way’, his co-worker added on, making Gun confused at the sudden statement. He didn’t remember telling his colleagues that he was attending a wedding on his day off by any means, but maybe he just forgot, so he nodded and murmured a quick thanks.

‘I’ll make sure to tell them that’, Gun smiled and Pluem only looked at him with wide and confused eyes. By the time they got back to Pluem’s desk, setting the files down inside one of his drawers, Pluem looked down at Gun’s fingers.

‘How did he propose?’

‘Who? My friend?’, Gun wondered why Pluem was asking about Tay.

‘No, your boyfriend’, Pluem added and Gun couldn’t help but laugh.

‘He didn’t propose. Are you crazy?’, he continued to laugh, but when his co-worker looked down on his hands, he couldn’t help but follow his gaze until it landed on his own fingers.

_What the hell is that?_

He lifted his hand up, his fingers shaking when he realised something’s different.

‘Isn’t that a different ring from before?’, Pluem spoke out the thought he was thinking, and suddenly a burst of something warm races down his chest, beating hard.

The ring was similar, but it was also different. The closer he looked, the easier it was to identify that he was wearing a completely different ring.

‘I need to go’

* * *

The takeaway arrived quicker than Off expected and he was worried that it was going to get cold by the time Gun arrived. He played music from his phone whilst he prepared the food, taking out plates that he recently bought. He hummed the melody of the song, getting lost in his own world as he bopped his head a little, stealing a few spoonsful of food whilst it was still warm.

Off heard the front door slamming and he looked down at his watch to check the time, ‘You’re back early!’, he shouted, ‘Did you get everything done already? Or do you need to go back to the office?’, his numerous questions were left unanswered, and he turned down the volume of his phone to check if Gun had walked in the kitchen.

As he turned, he saw Gun standing by the open door, his bag thrown on the floor already, his shoes still on. He was panting as if he had run all the way from the office.

‘You okay?’, Off asked, his hand still on the plate of food.

‘Are you gonna marry me?’, Gun asked in response and Off almost dropped the plate.

‘Uh’

‘Are you?’

‘Do you want me to quickly hire a band and set up fairy lights before I ask the question?’, Off questioned, nervously placing the plate back down on the table, ‘Or, do you want me to book plane tickets to Bali and I’ll ask it again on the beach’

Off’s tangent wasn’t enough to distract Gun. His face broke out into a huge grin, his dimples showing as he stepped closer, shutting up Off but pulling him into a warm embrace, latching their lips together as the music played on.

‘Just ask me’, Gun said once they broke the kiss, ‘That’s all you need to do’

‘Will you marry me?’

‘Huh? What’s that? I didn’t hear you’

‘Marry me’

‘I still can’t hear you’

‘Will Gun Atthaphan marry me?’, Off asked again, the pair laughing at each other. Gun nodded, his smile never leaving his face as Off lifted him off his feet, making him squirm as he wrapped his legs around the man’s waist.

‘Duh’, he chuckled when Off continued to press warm kisses all over his cheeks and down his neck, loosening the green tie.

* * *

**Six Months Before the Meeting.**

‘You’re an idiot’

‘No, I’m not’

‘Yes, you are’

‘New, can you be on my side for once?’

‘I am on your side’, his friend said whilst he poured a cold drink from the fridge, passing it to Gun who decided to spend his evening in his home before going back to Jingjing’s apartment, ‘But you can’t just slide divorce papers at Off and expect everyone to be calm about it’

‘It’s my marriage, not yours’, Gun argued, ‘I can end it if I want’

‘Suit yourself’, New sighed, sitting on one of the chairs by the kitchen island, ‘But Off doesn’t want to let you go, and you don’t either’

‘What else is there for me to do?’, Gun raised his voice, frustrated that no one seemed to be getting his point. Of course, he doesn’t want to leave Off, but the constant silence between them was worse than the shouting, because at least when they were fighting, he can feel that Off was alive, not a hollow shell.

‘Something happened when he left for London and he won’t tell me’

‘Isn’t it enough for you to know that he’s struggling and that you need to be patient with him?’

‘How about me?’, Gun’s voice lowered into a whisper, ‘Aren’t I broken too?’

‘Gun…’, New looked at his old friend, reaching his hand out to hold onto his, ‘Why don’t the two of you get some counselling, huh? I think it’ll do you good’

‘Off can’t even open up to me. How is he supposed to open up to a complete stranger?’

‘For one, you’re both gonna be paying for it’, New joked, trying to diffuse the situation, but it doesn’t seem to work as Gun looked down at their hands with a solemn expression. New was also in the dark about most things, especially when it came to Off. Even recently, Tay had stopped sharing and his husband usually tells him everything, so even though he wasn’t showing it, New was also worried.

‘I always hated seeing my parents fight’, Gun confessed, the sudden memories of his childhood coming back to him, sounds of a raised voice, thudding furniture and screams in the middle of the night was enough to keep him awake. He hated his parents for those restless nights. He vowed to himself never to repeat their mistakes. But now, he wishes he can fight. He wished to hear Off’s raised voice or to see his brows furrowed in anger, just so he can feel something from his husband. Instead, he received absolute silence, no utter from his voice when he tried to ask.

Off was numb, and he couldn’t breakthrough.

‘Dad! It’s so hot inside, do you have any ice?!’

‘Is he calling you dad now?’, Gun chuckled when he heard the boy’s voice beaming through the halls, the front door slamming. He watched New’s proud expression, his eyes turning into the shapes of crescent moons when he smiled.

‘Took him long enough’


	4. Three.

**Five Months Before the Meeting**

Jingjing looked at her best friend with worry. It’s been a month since Gun had moved into her apartment and he was slowly losing his expression. It was subtle, a grin turning into a smile which turned into a frown over the coming days. Of course, she expected sadness, but she waited for Off. The man had never disappointed her. He was always there for her best friend, he never failed even when he himself was broken. But the man never knocked on her door, nor did he call her to ask how Gun was doing.

Even though Jingjing should be worried about Gun, she was starting to worry about Off more. She knew Gun was his lifeline, so if he wasn’t even trying to keep hold of him, then he was lost.

‘You need to talk to Off’, Jingjing reached out, asking Gun one more time. The expression on his face was filled with irritation, an expectancy since she’s been asking about his husband for weeks now, ‘I’m worried about him’

‘Shouldn’t you be worried about me?’, Gun asked, ‘You’re my best friend. Why aren’t you cursing him out?’

‘Sorry, but he’s my friend too’, she reminded him, ‘And as much as I wanna side with you, I think asking a divorce is too much’

‘How so?’, Gun argued back, ‘If I don’t even wanna be in the same room as him, what makes you think holding onto my marriage will do?’

‘You don’t leave a house just because the lights go out’, Jingjing replied, ‘You fucking fix it’

‘The lights haven’t gone out. It’s exploded and the house is on fire’, Gun grabbed the apple from the basket, taking a bite as he stood up to go back to the spare room he’s occupying, ‘And I’m not getting burnt’

But the thing was, the house wasn’t on fire. Gun was paranoid that it was about to. Why should he wait until everything is falling apart and he was left hurt when he could get on the train first and leave everyone behind? That was what his dad did, and it seemed to work out for him, so why can’t he do it? Why can’t he leave so he doesn’t have to burn?

Jingjing watched her friend walk away. She looked down on her phone and read Off’s name, her fingers tapping nervously as she contemplated whether to dial his number. Off was Gun’s lifeline, but if Gun abandons him, he might drown too. She wanted to reach out and talk to Off, but she also wanted him to be the person to take the first step without being asked to. 

* * *

**January 2021**

‘When did you buy it?’, Gun asked, the pair sitting on the sofa as they watched Netlfix – well, Off was watching – Gun was too busy staring at the new ring around his finger. It wasn’t obnoxious, a big diamond ring heavy on his hand, but it was dainty, small and fitted him just perfectly. He couldn’t stop looking at it.

‘A few weeks ago’, Off replied, leaning his chin on the top of his head, kissing his hair softly, ‘Do you like it?’

‘Yeah’, Gun smiled, his dimples showing, ‘But did you just expect me to say yes? You just put it on without asking’

‘I just hoped you’d noticed’, Off chuckled, his arms warmly embracing his world, ‘I was nervous you were the performative type’

‘What? You thought I’d want fireworks?’

‘Yeah’, they both started laughing. Off was learning about the little things about Gun he missed, the small things that changed, the way he acted with his new friends. He was much more outgoing, loved to say yes at every possible thing, so a grand gesture seemed fitting for him. But at his core, he was still the Gun Atthaphan he knew from high school, someone who liked his privacy, someone who preferred intimacy rather than showmanship.

‘When can we tell everyone?’

‘Probably best not to tell Tay or New during their honeymoon. I promised not to propose at their wedding’

‘You didn’t though’

‘Tay gave me one week’, Off chuckled, remembering his argument with his best friend as Tay packed up the last of his boxes, ready to move into his fiancé’s apartment, ‘He said I couldn’t propose to you even a week after the wedding’

‘Why? They’re so extra’, Gun pouted his lips, whining a little and Off knew Gun was dying to announce it to everyone already, but Off liked keeping it a secret. He liked keeping Gun to himself, the pair of them being lost in their own world where no one could get in.

* * *

**February 2021**

‘You’re getting married before me?!’, Mild’s voice could be heard across the halls from the breakroom. Off had to reach his hand out and blocked her mouth to stop her from shouting.

‘Surprised?’, Off didn’t know how else to reply to her, making her growl, her voice muffled against his palm. Much to their surprise, Mild got hired by the same company Off worked in, a make-up artist for the celebrities under his care. They didn’t even know they were going to be colleagues until the New Years Eve party where Off saw Mild amongst the crowd in a beautiful gown, introducing herself as the new hair and make-up team. They’ve been attached by the hip ever since then.

‘When did you propose? At Tay and New’s wedding?’, she asked, and Off laughed nervously, squatting away her accusing finger which pointed at him, ‘You promised him you wouldn’t!’

‘Keep it a secret’, Off hissed at her as he poured himself a coffee, ‘I’m gonna tell him I proposed last week’

‘Liar’, Mild gasped dramatically, Off hitting her on the shoulder. The rest of their colleagues were confused as to how the two could become close at a short amount of time. None of them knew their pasts, so at first, rumours flew about their relationship, a mirroring to what happened to them in high school, but it was easily squashed when Jane visited them after work, kissing Mild in front of everyone.

It’s been years since they’ve last seen each other, but after the reunion, they decided to keep in touch and slowly, they’ve managed to become closer than they’ve been during high school, so it was expected that Mild would be one of the first few people to know the recent change in his life.

‘This is unfair’, Mild whined, drinking her coffee as they walk out of the breakroom, ‘Maybe I should just ask Jane’

‘Why don’t you?’, Off asked her as they turned a corner, passing hallways of desks, eyes staring like vultures around them. It was funny that some people were still assuming, but Mild wasn’t helping when she linked her arm around his as they walked towards his office, ‘Why’re you waiting for her to ask?’

‘I don’t know’, Mild pouted, ‘Maybe because I always thought I was gonna be the one to be asked’

‘Fuck it. You ask’, Off chuckled, leaning on the doorframe of his office, sliding his hand inside his pocket, ‘I’d love to go to your wedding. I’ve been seeing too many suits; it’ll be a nice change to see wedding dresses’

‘I can’t believe I was so scared to come out, only to realise everyone else was gay too'

‘Alice and Arm can object to that’, Off said, making Mild laugh.

‘So, Jane’s coming to pick me up after work. Do you and Gun wanna join us for dinner?’

‘We’d love to’

* * *

Off and dad’s relationship improved immensely over the past couple of months. His dad probably gave up all of his pride trying to persuade Off to return to Thailand, but it worked, so he kept his walls down.

‘How’s that boy of yours?’, his dad asked when he visited him during the weekend, walking in his old home where he found his dad sitting in the kitchen, drinking a warm cup of coffee.

‘He’s fine’, Off smiled, making himself at home as he poured himself a cup of coffee, ‘He’s actually on a business trip in Phuket’

‘Oh, when will he be back?’, his dad flipped the next page of his newspaper, nonchalantly listening to Off speak. They never had this when he was a kid, Off didn’t know a thing about his dad and vice versa, but thankfully it was slowly changing. Mostly because of his dad, who kept on asking him questions even though he didn’t need to.

‘Tonight’

‘Why don’t you invite him for dinner then?’, his dad offered, ‘You’re picking him up, right?’

‘Yeah’, Off nodded, ‘I mean, I’ll have to ask him. He might be too tired’

‘Sure, thing kid’, his dad chuckled, folding his newspaper in half as he finished his drink. They both knew Off didn’t need to ask Gun to come join them for dinner. Hell, there are times when Off would get texts from his boyfriend telling him he was already at his dad’s home waiting for him to finish work so they could have dinner.

‘Oh, and by the way’, Off called out to his dad before he could leave the kitchen, ‘Uhh… You might notice something different about Gun tonight’

‘What did you do?’, his dad asked with a raised brow.

‘Nothing. Just… Don’t freak out’, Off said, leaning on the sink, ‘I kinda proposed to him’

You’re marrying the kid?’, his dad asked, laughing when Off nodded nervously. His dad’s stance with Gun had been positive, more so than he’d ever imagined, but the thought of gaining a son in law after only a few months of reconnecting with his estranged son might be too much for him and Off understood, so he waited for a lecture, a rant or maybe a scowl – but it never came. Instead, he smiled at him, a genuine smile he’d never seen before. He felt his chest relaxed at the small gesture, something he’d been dying to receive from his old man since he was a young boy.

‘Well done. He’s a good catch’

‘Thanks’, Off smiled back, ‘Thanks for the blessings’

‘You would’ve married him without it anyway’, his dad joked, ‘You always did what I told you not to do’

* * *

**Five Months Before the Meeting.**

‘It’s my fault’

‘It’s not’, Miss Phunsawat sighed as she placed a cup of coffee on the table. Off’s father visited her place when he got the call from his son that divorce was looming in the corner for them. It sent him back to the various memories of displeasure from his own marriage, a wave of pity flowing through him at the thought that his own son was experiencing the same thing, ‘I’m sure they’ll figure something out’

‘How can they? We haven’t set a good example for them, have we?’, he pointed out, making Miss Phunsawat freeze for a moment as she awkwardly sat down beside him. He noticed her expression and immediately felt regretful, ‘I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to’

‘No worries’, she replied with a forced smile, ‘You make a good point’, there was a silence between them, heavier than their hearts and they couldn’t help but feel responsible for the outcome of their children. It was their decision to bring them to the world yet they couldn’t even care for them, ‘How’s Off by the way?’

‘He’s changed’, he admitted, ‘It feels like all the work I put in trying to reconnect ended when he arrived back from London’

‘What did she say to him?’, Miss Phunsawat asked.

‘The truth’, he sighed, drinking his coffee and looking out at the window, seeing the dark sky and scattered clouds. He knew his past was going to bite him in the ass, but he didn’t know everyone else’s world will come tumbling down along with it. He prayed Off could pull through and get out of the dump; if he could do it once, then he could do it again.

* * *

**February 2021**

‘Hello sir’, Gun smiled tiredly at Off’s dad once they made it to his house, the drive was longer from the airport since he lived a little further out into the city. Gun’s hair was a mess, sleeping in the car on the way back, but he stopped making himself look presentable when he visited Off’s dad. He was comfortable enough not to try and impress him anymore.

‘Nice ring you got there’, Off’s dad joked as he pointed on the new ring around his finger, making the latter blush as he bowed his head to him.

‘Thank you’, Off had already warned him that a big storm was coming after he told his dad of their engagement and he knew the whole night was going to consist of jokes and poking fun at him.

‘How did my son propose?’, Mr Adulkittiporn asked, ‘Tell me he didn’t hire a band’

‘No, he didn’t’, Gun laughed, walking to the kitchen and placing his bag down on the table, ‘He just asked me during dinner’

‘How simple’

‘I’m a very simple man’, Off commented, helping with the plates as Gun sat down by the dining table, still a little tired from the trip. He didn’t ask Gun to help them out, instead, he placed a plate in front of him, stroking his hair back and massaging his head, ‘How was the trip by the way?’

‘Tiring’, Gun sighed in pleasure at Off’s hands, closing his eyes and leaning back, ‘We didn’t even get to relax. I was stuck indoors’

‘Maybe you can go back to Phuket for your honeymoon?’, Off’s dad joined in the conversation.

‘I’ve never been outside of Thailand’, Gun admitted, ‘I’d like to go somewhere far’

‘How about Paris?’, Off suggested, ‘I know a few good places to visit’

‘You’ve been to Paris?’, Gun asked curiously.

‘Yeah, Europe is a small continent, I can drive to Paris and get back to London within a day’, Off explained, ‘I did that once’

‘Why?’, he asked and suddenly Off felt a little regretful mentioning it.

‘I… Uh… Went to visit my ex when she went away to Paris for the weekend’

‘You could’ve lied and just told him you went on holiday son’, his dad pointed out, shaking his head and chuckling to himself as he stared at his son’s awkward expression.

‘Yeah, well, I’m not gonna lie’, Off replied to him, avoiding Gun’s stare, ‘That’s what I did’

‘Why did you visit her?’

‘She had an equestrian competition in Paris and I wanted to support her so…’

‘What the hell is that?’, both his dad and Gun asked simultaneously as the former set the foot down on the table.

‘Horse ride competition’, Off replied.

‘As in racing?’

‘No’, Off couldn’t help but laugh at them, ‘More like horse jumping’

‘That’s a thing?’, his dad asked and Off felt like he was pulled in a different world when it was them giving him a weird stare and not him.

‘Yeah, they do it in the Olympics too’

‘Oh… And was she good?’

‘She came third place’, Off smiled, sitting down beside Gun, ‘I gave her flowers’

‘I came first for my violin recital’, Gun blurted out and even at that moment, he knew he sounded petty. Off’s dad kept chuckling to himself, passing the couple a plate of food as they began their meal. Off didn’t reply to Gun, hoping to drop the subject, his hand resting on the boy’s waist, massaging it as they ate. But Gun was Gun, and he wasn’t gonna drop anything, ‘What else did she do?’

‘Gun, drop it’, Off responded, ‘It was a long time ago’

‘Well, I’m just curious’, Gun kept asking, trying to look nonchalant, but the way he stabbed his fork on the meat said otherwise, ‘What else was she into?’

‘She was a part-time model’

‘Oh, here we go’, he heard his dad sigh, ‘Lie, son. Just lie’

‘And what else?’, Gun kept asking. Although, Off didn’t know why he needed to. He’d spoken about Taylor before, his only long-term relationship which wasn’t even that long in the grand scheme of things.

‘I mean, she played the piano, she goes skiing in Switzerland every year. She majored in Politics and I think her dad was a Conservative MP, but I didn’t ask too much about her family’

‘A political family’, his dad decided to join in to help his son out, ‘Thank god you two didn’t work’

‘Dad, you’re a corporate lawyer’, Off furrowed his brow at his dad’s statement. His dad may not be political, but his job required him to work close to those who worked deep in politics, he even remembered his dad mingling with a few higher-ups when he was a child.

‘Which is why I like Gun’, he smiled, reaching out to pat his shoulders but ended up punching it a little too hard, ‘Us lawyers stick together like gum’

‘That is why I didn’t do law’, Off mumbled to himself, twirling the noodles with his fork and rolling his eyes when he heard his dad and boyfriend start talking about work.

* * *

‘Do you keep in contact with Taylor?’, Gun asked suddenly whilst Off was washing the dishes, his sleeves rolled up as Gun placed the last of the dish inside the sink, leaning beside the taller.

‘Does it look like I do?’, Off chuckled, letting the soapy water run down his arm, drenching the ends of his sleeves, ‘I haven’t even spoken to her during graduation. We ended things during first year of college’

‘Hhm’, Gun nodded. Off spoke about her when he asked, but he never showed any pictures of her, so Gun could only imagine a beautiful foreign girl with a rich background.

‘Don’t be too curious about it, trust me, it’s not worth it’, Off assured him, smiling when he turned to face Gun, ‘It’s not like I ask about your recent ex anyway’

‘His name was Jay’, Gun replied even though the former didn’t ask, ‘We met in a bar during my birthday party’

‘Thanks for the insight’, Off faked a smile, ‘But as I said, I didn’t ask’

‘He was the closest replica of you actually’, Gun admitted, leaning on the kitchen counter and crossing his arms. He still remembered Jay, even the scent of him, which was bitter but sweet at the same time, ‘He was cocky but funny and he could get the whole room to like him in five minutes. I guess the only difference is, he was a bit of a dick’

‘Oh yeah?’, Off decided to entertain Gun, seeing as the boy felt like sharing his past which he couldn’t stop, so he wiped his hands clean after finishing the washing, facing Gun, ‘Why did you break up?’

‘He wanted more’, Gun sighed, ‘He said he felt me holding back. I didn’t know what he meant back then. I mean we had sex the first night we met, so I thought I’d given all of myself to him already. It wasn’t until I met you again till I realised what he meant’

‘And what did he mean?’, they heard the soft sounds of crickets singing outside and Gun fell into a silence as he recalled the night he reunited with Off. His actions were frantic, throwing his clothes on the floor, checking his hair and looking at the mirror until he got sick of the image of himself. He acted like how he used to, a high school kid head over heels. He hadn’t even seen Off yet, but the old him was slowly emerging, excited to jump out of the box he hid it in.

‘I was myself around you’, Gun confessed, ‘And I mean, all of myself. Not just my best version, but even my worse one. But I didn’t care. In fact, I was excited at the thought that you were the only person who could see all sides of me because I knew you wouldn’t care’

‘Actually, I did’, Off pointed out, ‘You were a dick in high school, but I was always being blamed for making you cry when you started most of the shit we got into’

‘Shut up’, Gun laughed a little, hitting Off’s arm, ‘I just meant, you didn’t look down on me whenever I fucked up’

‘Hhmm’, Off nodded, but he didn’t see it. He didn’t find himself special for taking the time to get to know Gun. He just thought that was something everyone should do. But he remembered how easy it was to be himself around Gun too, and he probably felt the same way as him, ‘Do you keep in contact with him?’

‘No’, Gun admitted, ‘I mean he would try to contact me, but I don’t respond’

‘Good’, Off smiled, walking to stand in front of Gun, caging him between his arms as he leaned his hands on the counter, ‘Because I really don’t like competition’

‘Don’t worry, you won’t need to compete for me’, Gun smirked, snaking his arms around Off’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

‘Not in my kitchen boys!’, he heard Off’s dad shout, forcing them to pull away and Gun walking away embarrassed, his cheeks burning red as Off laughed at him’

* * *

Off’s room looked the same. His dad kept his old posters which where still hung up on his walls. His desks and closet were empty but even his bedsheets looked old. The pair decided to spend the night at his dad’s place after finishing dinner late, Gun too tired to go back home.

‘It feels like I’ve travelled back to 2014’, Gun confessed, even though he’d stayed in Off’s room before whenever they visited home, but tonight just felt different, ‘Everything was empty the first time I came here’

‘Do you even remember that night?’, Off laughed, ‘You were drunk as fuck’

‘I remember bits of it’, Gun confessed, ‘I remember you shoving me to your bathroom’

‘You were gonna throw up all over me’, Off made a face, a disgusted one at the subject of vomit, ‘You were gross’

‘It was my first time drinking alcohol, give me a break’

‘Jingjing told me you’re still a lightweight though’, Off poked fun and Gun couldn’t help but kick his feet up at his leg as he sat down at the end of his bed, but Off caught his foot, holding it in his hands.

‘Don’t use my best friend to conspire against me’, Gun whined, but the subject was dropped when he felt Off’s hands slide down from his foot to his leg, lifting up his shorts.

Gun leaned his hands down on the mattress, smirking when Off knelt down on one knee. His foot rested on Off’s chest, feeling his heartbeat as Off’s hand continued to slide up his thighs, inside his shorts.

‘Tell me’, Off began, teasing him a little as his hands travelled further up, making him moan lightly, ‘Do you want a house with a pool or a balcony?’

‘What’re you talking about?’, Gun whined a little when Off started to stroke his clothed cock, excruciatingly slow.

‘When we get married, I don’t plan on living in an apartment’, Off said again, his voice low, almost purring as he placed soft kisses all over his leg, ‘Why don’t we steal Tay’s idea and get a house by the outskirts with a pool?’

‘P’Off, can we have this conversation when you’re not jerking me off?’, Gun said in between his soft sighs and deep moans, but that didn’t stop Off who quickened his pace, forcing Gun to muffle his own moans as he covered his mouth, too paranoid just in case Off’s dad heard them.

‘A balcony sounds nice though’, Off carried on talking, as if he didn’t have Gun’s dick in his hands, ‘What do you think?’

‘Too dangerous’, Gun breathed out, giving up as he laid his back on the bed, taking off his shorts and letting Off do whatever he wanted to him.

‘Dangerous? You’re not gonna jump off, are you?’, Off laughed at him, kissing his way to Gun’s waist, looking up at the man.

‘What about the little ones?’

Off stopped. He also stopped breathing for a second.

‘You want kids?’

‘Do you not?’, Gun asked nervously, not knowing if he accidentally dropped a bombshell on Off, but when his fiancé smiled up at him, kissing his stomach he realised he had nothing to worry about.

‘Okay’, Off whispered, his heart bursting at the seams at the very thought, ‘No balcony’

* * *

**Five Months Before the Meeting.**

Gun looked down on the email on his phone which only arrived a few minutes ago. He was making dinner with Jingjing, minding his business and listening to music when he heard his phone ping, urging him to check his messages.

_To: Off and Gun Phunsawat-Adulkittiporn_

_After checking your references, we have agreed to allow you to undergo our six-month assessment process. This process will evaluate your household income as well as daily visits from our social workers to your house once a week to assess the safety of your household. More information will be sent to our next e-mail regarding our next visit._

_We hope to see you both soon._

‘What a joke’, Gun whispered to himself, his voice breaking as he locked his phone and threw it on the sofa. It was all a sick joke. He remembered the both of them trying so hard to please the authorities, to prove to them that they could handle being family, but here he was, alone in his best friend’s apartment, his husband missing from his side.

‘What’s wrong?’, Jingjing asked as she lowered the heat on the pan, walking over to Gun who sat by the kitchen island, wiping the tears that managed to escape from his eyes, ‘Gun, what’s going on?’

‘Off and I were supposed to be parents’, Gun’s voice broke, he couldn’t even finish speaking as he leaned his head on Jingjing’s shoulders, his cheeks burning red when he couldn’t hold it in anymore, ‘This was supposed to be good news’

‘Come here’, Jingjing whispered, hugging Gun tightly and keeping quiet. She had no idea how to comfort Gun, but she offered as much as herself as she could, letting Gun cry until her shirt was drenched in tears and snot.

‘I was supposed to be a dad’, he said in between his wails, internally begging for someone else to hold him, ‘Where’s Off? Where’s my husband?’

* * *

‘You’re a joke, you know that, right?’, Jane stood by the end of the pool, her arms crossed as she watched Off lay in the middle of her pool, in his shorts, wearing sunglasses and holding a glass of alcohol in his hands, ‘You need to get out of my house’

‘Mild said I could stay as long as I want…’, Off replied to him, his voice slurred and barely audible. He sounded drunk and Jane wanted to push him off the floaties he was laying on.

‘What is wrong with you? Why’re you so drunk?’, Jane couldn’t believe the state her friend was in, not when Off was known to keep hold of himself and not end up like a drunken mess like the rest of them.

‘Did you know what Gun gave me?’, Off started giggling, downing his drink until the bitter liquid trickled down his mouth onto his neck.

‘What?’

‘Divorce papers! He gave me divorce papers!’, he shouted, flailing his arms around, his head spinning a little, ‘In my own damn office!’

‘Off… Did… Did he really?’, Jane was surprised by Off’s answer. Now all of his actions started to make sense, starting with his failure of a meeting that almost got him kicked out of his own workplace when he couldn’t keep calm, dropping his notes and forgetting his points. Mild had called her in the afternoon to talk about it.

‘The love of my life hates me!’, Off sung off tune, laughing at himself, ‘He hates me!’

‘Off, shut the fuck up and come back here’, Jane shouted at him, walking at the edge of the pool and urging Off to come out, ‘You’re too drunk right now. You could drown’

‘Drown me out, at least I’ll feel alive then!’, Off kept on shouting nonsense, singing songs with the wrong lyrics, his voice high pitched and loud. Jane was too scared. She took off her shoes and jumped into the pool, swimming to where Off was, her hair stuck to her face.

‘Come here’, she hissed, pushing the floatie close to the edge until it touched the end of the pool, ‘I’m not gonna have you die in my house’

‘I might as well be dead’, Off chuckled, dropping the empty glass in the pool, letting it float next to him, ‘I might as well disappear again’

‘Off, whatever is going on, I’m sure you two can sort it out’, Jane replied to him, slapping his face hard whilst they were still on the pool. Off’s face was pale, so the red marks on his cheeks were evident and she felt slightly bad, but she knew Off needed this, ‘You haven’t divorced yet. You can still fix it. Just talk to your husband’

‘What’s the point?’, Off groaned, resting his palm on his cheeks as his eyes drooped to look at Jane, ‘I’m a product of pure hatred. I don’t think I’m capable of making him fall in love with me again’

‘Listen to me’, Jane pushed the floatie back to the edge when she felt it floating away, forcing Off to safety, ‘Listen to me’, she pressed her body against the floatie to stop it from moving away as he reached her hand out to grip on Off’s cheeks, ‘You are not your parents’ mistake, got it? You are not a mistake. So, don’t act like one. You’ve got someone who loves you waiting for you to make the first step and to take him back, so do it’

‘Gun Atthaphan doesn’t deserve my baggage’, Off drooled a little, closing his eyes as he let the alcohol take over, ‘He doesn’t deserve it’

‘Off, Off wake up. Off…’, Jane wasn’t fir for this. She wanted to call her wife or maybe even Tay to come and sort him out. Jane dragged Off to the shallow end, using all her energy to heave him off the floatie, carrying him to the stairs where she let him rest his head on her chest. The pair sat in the water, Jane looking down at her friend and feeling annoyed but sorry for him too. She heard a small ping coming from the inside of Off’s pockets and she hurriedly took out his wet phone just in case it was Gun, but when she read the subject on his e-mail, she couldn’t help but feel her heart drop.

‘Yikes’, Jane whispered to herself as she looked down at her friend, ‘Most of us won’t even get passed to the assessment stage. What I would give to even be assessed for adoption and now that you got it, you’re gonna throw it away’, she throws the drenched phone on the floor, letting it land on the soft grass as she pulled an unconscious Off out of the pool.


	5. Four.

**March 2021**

‘Are you gonna invite your mum?’, Tay asked as he slid a cup of coffee to Off, his best friend residing in his new home as he looked through the potential guest list of his wedding. Tay immediately noticed that Off’s mother wasn’t even on the list of possibilities, let alone the final cut. He was scared to ask too many questions, seeing as Off didn’t express any wishes to speak about his family, but maybe weddings were a symbol of hope and forgiveness that Off might need.

‘No, she wouldn’t wanna go anyway’, Off replied nonchalantly, his voice blank like he couldn’t care less. In a sense, he didn’t. His last conversation with his mother before he took a plane back to Thailand was enough for him.

‘How about Gun? Who is he inviting?’

‘He said he’ll ask his mum if she knows where his dad is, but if not, then he’s not going to bother to look for him’

Off’s fucked up family life wasn’t news to Tay, but Gun’s was. He didn’t know the boy had problems even back in high school and he felt slightly guilty for judging Gun when they were young. It seemed as though everyone was going through shit back then. And unlike Off, Gun was very expressive, so when the conversation of his dad came to light during dinner, his face sunk low and his eyes stared down at the floor. Tay knew Gun probably still felt bitter towards his old man, so it wouldn’t be a surprise if he didn’t invite him.

‘I suppose you’ll be married by next year if you’re planning it now’, Tay mentioned, looking through printed papers of phone numbers, varying from catering, venue and even a band, all of which were new and not something that was stolen from Alice’s old plans – which he did.

‘Try in a couple of months’, Off corrected him. Tay furrowed his brow and dropped the paper on the table, leaning his arm on the chair and just staring at him best friend.

‘How many months’

‘May’

‘In three months?!’, Tay screamed at him, ‘You’re gonna plan a wedding in three months?!’

‘Why not?’

‘Uhh… How about trying to book a wedding venue that isn’t fully booked till next year?’

‘My dad already did’, Off smiled at him, ‘One of his clients owns a Royal Villa. He’s already allowed us to use it for the wedding’

‘I hate you. You know that, right?’, Tay murmured to him bitterly, making the former laugh. It took months for Tay to book the perfect venue due to the increase of weddings over the new year, so it felt like a slap in the face when Off was breezing through this process, ‘Why do you wanna get married so quickly anyway?’

‘We’re already engaged’, Off shrugged, standing up to go to the fridge, stealing a drink, ‘We might as well get married now’

‘I just got back from Cebu and I’m already going to be the best man again’

‘Who said you’re going to be my best man?’, Off joked, which he probably shouldn’t have since Tay took off his slipper, throwing it at him whilst cursing him out.

* * *

Jingjing’s met Off a few times already over the past couple of months. She was still enamoured by his beauty which she couldn’t help but stare at every time he walked into their apartment. But other than that, he was also funny, too funny for his own good, added onto the fact that he was the only person who could beat her smart best friend. She felt slightly bitter that such a perfect person actually exists and Gun had already taken him.

But there was one other thing she noticed.

‘He looks a little bit like Jay, doesn’t he?’, she pointed out when she stared down at her best friend’s phone, looking at the lock screen which consisted of a mirror selfie of the couple, Off holding onto Gun’s waist as they posed.

‘Who?’

‘Off’

‘Really? I don’t see it’, Gun shrugged off the mention of his ex, but Jingjing continued to look at the photo, lifting up his phone. She knew Gun had a type, one which consisted of printed shirts, chained necklaces and a mysterious glare of expression which doesn’t show much. She had concluded that maybe Gun’s type was specific, but now with the knowledge of Off, she slowly realised that every single one of his exes shared some kind of trait with the man.

‘Jay plays the guitar, doesn’t he?’, Jingjing pointed out, remembering nights when Gun used to drag her to the bar to watch him play.

‘I don’t remember’, Gun’s replies didn’t show any welcome for the conversation to continue, so she dropped in eventually, instead she focused on the new ring around his finger, a playful smile forming on her lips.

‘I supposed I’ll be waiting for the question’

‘What question’

‘That I’m going to be your best woman’

‘I don’t need to ask you’, Gun snorted, pushing her shoulders playfully, ‘Of course, you will be’

‘I can’t believe my best friend is getting married before me’, she whined playfully, ‘And here we all thought, you’d never settle down with anyone’

‘Well, I guess luck arrived on time to take me away’

* * *

**Five Months Before the Meeting.**

Gun had been in a slump since he was forced to reject the assessment process. Jingjing noticed that he had kept himself hidden in his room, only leaving for work. She also noticed his fluctuating diet, where she saw him raiding the fridge in the middle of the night, eating everything he could get his hands on, but then suddenly changing to not eating anything at all on some days. She wasn’t only worrying about her best friend, but she was terrified on his behalf.

‘Look, once you and Off talk it out, you can always try again’, Jingjing held her hand out as she knelt on the floor, trying to find Gun underneath the blanket he hid under, ‘They said you both had clean backgrounds and a good income, so if you ever decide to adopt again, they’ll be willing to-’

‘What’s the fucking point?’, Gun’s voice was muffled, but Jingjing could still hear it, ‘I don’t wanna raise a child with someone who doesn’t know how to fucking talk. We would make shit parents’

‘Don’t say that’, Jingjing tried to find Gun, but instead, she just stroked the blanket and hoped that Gun felt her, ‘You would’ve been an amazing dad’

‘How would I know? I’m not gonna have a kid!’

‘Gun, for the love of God, just calm down and get out of there’, Jingjing finally raised her voice, her patience wearing thin when her best friend showed no signs of cooperation, ‘Why don’t you come out and we’ll go to the bar. We haven’t gone clubbing together in a long time’

‘No’

Jingjing wanted to rip her own hair out, frustration getting the better of her as she stood up, about to pull the blankets off him when she heard erratic knocking at the front door, forcing her to stop.

‘You’re lucky someone’s at the door’, she groaned, rushing to the front and opening it, only to wish she didn’t.

‘Hey Jing’

‘Off? What the hell?’, Jingjing immediately stepped outside her apartment, closing the door behind her as she pulled the man down the hall, ‘Why’re you here?’

‘You told me Gun wasn’t doing good’, he reminded her. Despite Gun’s warning, she had kept in touch with the man, often updating him on what’s happening to Gun but getting little to no reply, so she had concluded that maybe Off simply didn’t care anymore. But when he was stood in front of her, his hands behind his back, she released a sigh of relief, an air of worry she’d been carrying since last month.

‘Please come inside and talk to him. He might move if he hears your voice again-’

‘Woof!’

‘What was that?’, Jingjing stopped when she heard a small whimper. She stared up at Off, but he nervously just looked behind him. She noticed that his hands were still behind his back and when she heard the small whimper again, she forcefully turned the man around, seeing his hands holding onto a small white fluff with a face that looked innocently at her, ‘Is that a dog?’

‘I thought Gun could use a distraction’

‘You’re gonna give him a dog?’, she asked him again, clearly not believing that it was the best he could do, ‘Are you serious? You’re going to give up on having children, but you’re gonna give him a dog as an apology?’

‘Look, I’m hurt over this too’, Off explained himself when he noticed the irritation forming in Jingjing’s expression, ‘I read in an article that dogs can be therapeutic’

‘Come on, I know I might be asking for too much, but you can do better than this’, Jingjing crossed her arms and whispered to him, ‘He’s a mess’

‘Look, he slammed divorce papers at me and packed his bags. Should I really be the one doing all the work?’, Off replied, finally bringing his hands around, hugging the small puppy close to his chest, ‘I’m still wrapping my head around things’

‘Tell him to come back home. Maybe that would work’

‘What do you think I’m doing?’

‘Buying a puppy impulsively?’

‘Yeah, and where is he gonna raise it? As far as I remember, pets aren’t allowed in your apartment block’

Jingjing didn’t say anything. The pair just stared at each other for the longest of silence, but when they looked back down at the dog, yawning with her tongue out, they burst out laughing. Not because they found anything funny, but because here they were, standing at the end of the hallway, speaking in hush tones with a dog in Off’s hands. Everything was so fucking weird now.

‘Can you just give her to him? Tell him it’s from me’

* * *

**March 2021**

The night market was packed, bustling with customers and late-night goers in need for a place to eat. Off didn’t remember the night market being this busy before, but he pushed past countless people until he reached P’Pik’s stall.

‘Hey smart man’, the old man smiled as soon as he approached him, ‘What brings you here this time?’, he had gotten used to seeing Off multiple times in a week despite the latter living in the city and he felt glad. He didn’t know it, but he missed the young man frequenting the market.

‘Just here to tell you that I’m getting married’, Off said without warning, making P’Pik choke on his drink, spitting out his beer on the floor, making the former laugh at him.

‘You’re kidding’, the old man smiled, a wide grin transfixed on his face, ‘So this little kid has finally grown up’

‘You can say that’

‘Am I invited?’

‘Of course, you are’, Off rolled his eyes at the question, ‘You all are. That’s what I’m here to talk to you about’

‘What is it?’

‘I was wondering’, Off started, looking around at the multiple stalls. Some of his old friends had moved, their old stalls being replaced by new owners, but there were still a handful of them left, staying at the same place all these years and he couldn’t find a better memory to integrate to his wedding, ‘I was hoping you guys will do the catering’

‘You want us, street vendors, to cater for your wedding?’, P’Pik almost choked twice on his drink, finding the offer amusing.

‘I can’t find any other person who can make the best Guay Teow than you’, Off winked, infusing an ooze of ego in P’Pik as he smugly leaned on his stall.

‘We’re certainly the best of the best’, he winked back, ‘But I’m sure your guests would want something more luxurious’

‘No, they want good food. And only you can offer that’, Off said again, slowly persuading the old man to accept, which wasn’t hard since P’Pik will do anything to make the small boy’s dream come true, anything for Mrs Pho’s treasure.

* * *

_‘Why don’t you have children?’, a young boy asked whilst they peeled potatoes together. Mrs Pho looked at Off, who was probably only ten years old at the time, asking such a personal question, but she didn’t mind._

_‘It’s because I couldn’t’, she answered truthfully, watching him as he struggled to use the peeler, the potato turning jagged. She found it amusing at his attempt to help her, ‘Me and my husband tried for many years, but they never came’_

_‘Why don’t you write to Santa?’, Off asked innocently, making Mrs Pho chuckle, ‘He brings presents to nice people’_

_‘He only gives presents to children’, Mrs Pho corrected him, ‘As you can see, I’m very old’_

_Off stopped peeling for a minute, looking up to stare at the kind old woman who let him stay at her shop whenever the voices at home were getting too loud. He swayed his legs back and forth, his feet barely touching the ground as he sat on one of the big chairs. He liked being here and for the first time, he wasn’t scared of an adult._

_‘I can be your child if you want’, he offered, ‘If you still want one’_

_‘Oh darling’, Mrs Pho cooed at him, stroking his long hair back, ‘Your parents won’t be giving such a precious thing away’_

_‘I don’t think they’d notice’, Off replied. Mrs Pho didn’t want to ask a small child about his parents, not when she was mature enough to know why the boy would run to her in the middle of the night with a crying face._

_‘Well then, if they won’t treasure you, then I will for sure’_

* * *

**Five Months Before the Meeting**

‘So, are you really gonna get a divorce?’

‘Frank, stop’, New glared at his son over the dinner table, stopping the young boy from asking too many questions as Off joined them for dinner.

‘Your parents seriously don’t know how to keep their mouth shut’, Off commented, focusing on his meal as he dug into New’s cooking – which improved immensely – probably because he had a son to feed. He didn’t even stare at his friends who watched him with guilty looks.

‘I was only curious’, Frank raised his hands up. He wanted to know more about his favourite Uncle’s relationship, but his parents kept their voice hushed whenever they spoke about it. Sometimes, he had to sneak into the hallway with the lights closed and press his ear against his parents’ bedroom door.

‘Well, I have divorce papers back in my home office, so maybe that answers your question’, Off replied to the kid, making Tay and New uncomfortable at how relaxed he was with the conversation, especially when he spent a whole week prior drunk off his face just thinking about his last conversation with Gun.

‘I never liked P’Gun anyway’, Frank pointed out, forcing New to kick his feet under the table, giving him another warning glare.

‘Really?’, Off chuckled, wiping the side of his mouth with a tissue, ‘And what is it you don’t like about my husband?’

‘Don’t you mean ex-husband?’, Frank joked back.

‘Honestly, Frank, if you’re going to be mean to your Uncle, then just don’t say anything’, Tay finally spoke out after keeping quiet for the whole meal, looking at his son who continued to smile as if the conversation was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

‘I just prefer P’Off than P’Gun, so obviously I’m siding with him’, Frank defended himself, ‘I thought we don’t like P’Gun’

‘We still do’, Tay and New replied simultaneously to their son who just loved to stir trouble.

‘Gun bought you that penny board that you liked so much’, New reminded him, pointing at the scratched blue board that rested in their living room, ‘You shouldn’t be too harsh on him’

‘He just reminds me of my old foster parents’, Frank admitted, ‘When things got too hard, they gave me back, like I’m some kind of dog they didn’t want any more’

‘Be sympathetic’, Tay responded to his son, ‘Gun’s going through his own hard times and if his own husband can’t comfort him, then what else is he supposed to do?’

‘Glad to know my best friend is on my side’, Off sarcastically retorted, pouring himself a drink to which he finally stared up to see Tay glaring at him.

‘I would be on your side if you acted like an adult’, he argued, ‘But as of right now, I can understand Gun more than you’

‘Tay, calm down’, New reached his hand out, resting it on his husband’s, ‘Don’t argue in front of Frank’

‘It’s okay, I’m used to it’

‘Well, you’re not supposed to’, New turned back to face the teenage boy, who stared at him with wide eyes. Frank had never had a guardian who took care at him the way New did, so when the man warned him one last time, he listened and kept his mouth shut, watching his dad and P’Off staring at each other.

‘Tell me, what happened in London?’, Tay asked him again, this time, he didn’t look like he was going to back down.

‘No’

‘You better tell me now, or you’re-’, before Tay could even finish the threat, they heard a knock on the door, continuous and hard which forced Tay to give up and leave the dining room. Silenced filled the dining room and Frank couldn’t help but loudly breathe out a sigh as he stared at his Uncle.

New should’ve said something, but he didn’t know what. As much as he felt for Off, his husband had a point. It seemed like the hair on the camel’s back was Off’s return to London and his sudden disappearance right after. It posed too many questions, speculations that Off didn’t bother to explain. If he was in Gun’s position, he’d also be frustrated.

‘A dog?! A fucking dog?!’, they heard cursing coming from the halls and New pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He had just set up a rule of no cursing in the house for Frank’s sake, but when the door slammed open and a furious Gun walked in, New couldn’t even tell him off.

‘You think buying me a fucking dog is gonna make everything okay?’, Gun shouted at him, the first conversation they had since Gun left his office about a month ago.

‘I thought she looked cute in my opinion’, Off replied, which didn’t help lower Gun’s anger.

‘I wanted a child, not a dog!’

‘Look, do you think we’re fit to be parents now?’, Off argued back, dropping his spoon on the table as he stood up, towering over Gun, ‘Do you think I wanted to reject the assessment? I was the one who did everything I could so that we could even make it on the list of candidates so don’t even try and accuse me of not giving a fuck’

‘Can the two of you communicate without swearing? Frank’s here’, New stood up, raising his voice, but his son just waved him away.

‘No, this is fun’, Frank pointed out.

‘If you did give a fuck, maybe you wouldn’t let this marriage burn to the ground’, Gun shouted back, ‘Who gives a fuck if you were the one who applied, you didn’t even try to pretend you liked me anymore’

‘What makes you think I don’t like you?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, how about the times you refused to talk to me? Or the time where you ran off to god knows where without telling me?’, Gun sarcastically retorted, making Off stare at him with disbelief.

‘Am I not allowed to have space?’

‘Of course, you can. But can you tell your husband what the hell is going on so I know why I’m supposed to give you space?’

‘Can the two of you talk about this outside? You’re bringing bad vibes into my house’, Tay interrupted them as he rushed back into the dining room after trying to stop an angry Gun from entering his house.

‘Shut up Tay’, the fighting couple shouted back at him at the same time. Gun turned back to stare at his husband, looking at him for the first time in a month and he felt his heart clench, He didn’t know whether it was out of anger or longing.

‘If buying Bibii is your way of making up, then it hasn’t worked’

‘You already named her?’, Off asked.

‘That’s what you got out of that?’, Gun glared at him, crossing his arm.

‘Well, it looks like you’re keeping the dog if you’ve already named her’

‘Of course, I’m fucking keeping the dog. What makes you think I wasn’t?’, even everyone else in the room looked just as confused as Off when Gun suddenly backtracked and announced that he was keeping the dog despite shouting thunder about how pissed he was about the dog in question. Frank looked at his dad with a raised brow, asking a silent question to which New couldn’t even answer, ‘I’m just here to tell you that Bibii is gonna be mine when we finally go along with the divorce proceedings’

‘Yikes’, Frank whispered, standing up to join his dad, a hand holding onto New’s arm, ‘That was a harsh blow’, he whispered to him, and even New had no choice but to nod in agreement.

‘Fine. Keep the dog’, Off whispered back to him, stepping closer to his husband to that only he could hear, ‘But don’t ever talk to me about divorce again’

‘Why is that?’

‘Because I’m not doing it’


	6. Five.

**May 2021**

_‘Where’s Gun?’_

_‘I have no idea’_

_‘He was in the room a minute ago’_

_‘He didn’t run away, right?’_

_‘At his own wedding? You’ve got to be kidding me’_

_‘Guys! Guys! Off’s gone!’_

_‘Him too?’_

_‘We can’t find him anywhere’_

* * *

**Two Hour Ago**

Their wedding was the fastest to be planned compared to the others. In fact, Alice was slightly annoyed that it took her almost two years to make her wedding happen whilst Off only had to spend three months to hire the best venue with the best catering and even an open bar.

‘I hate the rich’, she murmured to herself whilst fixing Off’s suit, which was perfectly tailored to him, made by the best company in the country, courtesy from his rich dad who was paying for everything.

‘Come on’, Off chuckled, staring at her, ‘Aren’t you glad I’m getting married?’

‘I thought it would be next year’, Alice answered truthfully, ‘You didn’t even need my help, unlike Tay’

‘He doesn’t know how to organise his own room, let alone a wedding’, Off pointed out, making the former laugh, ‘I, on the other hand, am good at this type of shit’

‘Wedding shit?’, Alice found it amusing that her old friend was starting to feel like himself. She was nervous when she first reunited with him, he was serious and less expressive than he was before. Thank god, everything worked out with Gun because there was light behind his eyes now.

‘Where is he anyway?’, he asked, looking down at his watch and checking the time. The ceremony was soon and he hadn’t seen Gun the whole day.

‘It’s bad luck to see each other before the ceremony’, Alice pointed out, making Off chuckle at the absurd superstition.

‘But seriously, where is he?’

‘With Jingjing in his own room’, Alice replied. She took out her phone when she heard the ping, reading the message from her husband who was in charge of greeting the guests, ‘Look, I need to go. Arm needs help at the front. You’re gonna be okay till Tay comes, right?’

‘I’m not running away at my own wedding’, Off snickered at her, watching her pull a face as she held on the doorknob.

‘Are you sure though? It’s barely been a year since you and Gun got together’

‘I’m sure everything will work out. I know him well enough’

‘Do you know yourself well enough?’, she asked suddenly, making Off pause for a moment as he slid his hands in his pockets, staring at her blankly, ‘You can’t go through something like marriage without knowing, because you’re offering all of you to someone you love the most. You can’t half-ass and give something you don’t even know the value of’

‘We’re not objects’, Off said, ‘We’re malleable. I can change for Gun any time’

‘If you say so’, she smiled softly at him, opening the door and leaving the groom behind on his own. He looked at himself in the mirror, adjusting his cuff links, waiting for the right moment for the door to open, signalling the beginning of the ceremony where everything will change. But he was excited, it was a good chance, something that he wanted. Unlike all the other changes in his life which were thrust upon him without warning, he asked for this one. He was ready if it meant he won’t be lonely anymore.

And just in time, he looked through the mirror to see the door opening behind him, ‘Tay, how’s everyone at the– wait, Gun?’, he squinted his eyes at the mirror, expecting his best man to walk in, but instead, he saw his short fiancé rushing in and slamming the door shut as if he’d been running, ‘What’re you doing here?’, he finally turned to stare at him, his heart racing.

He hadn’t seen Gun all day but now that he was standing in front of him, his heart threatened to explode right there and then. Gun was beautiful. He always had been, but today was different. There was a glow he’d never seen before and he just wanted to bask in his presence.

‘Jingjing won’t let me see you’, Gun whined, his lower lip pouting as he rushed over to Off, already embracing him into a hug, ‘I’ve missed you’

‘It’s only been a day, babe’, Off chuckled, but even he had to admit, he’d been looking for Gun since morning, ‘We’ve got the rest of our lives to be together’

‘I’m hungry’, Gun continued to whine like a little kid, making Off laugh at him, but he stroked his fiancé’s hair, resting his chin on his head, ‘I haven’t eaten all day’

‘Well… We have two hours left till we get married’, Off looked down on his watch again, checking the time, ‘Why don’t we get out of here for a bit?’

‘Are you insane?’, Gun giggled, ‘They’re gonna kill us’

‘It’s our own wedding’, Off shrugged, but a playful expression was pasted on his face, the one Gun recognised immediately since he always pulled it in high school, ‘They can’t start without us’

‘Fair play’, is all Gun said as he laughed, allowing Off to drag him out of the room through the emergency exit door, leaving their family and friends to wait for them.

* * *

‘You’re gonna get your suit stained!’, Gun gasped as soon as they escaped to the car park, watching as Off grab a pair of keys hidden inside the scooter’s seat.

‘P’Pik always leaves his keys inside his bike’, Off smiled proudly, stealing his old friend’s scooter whilst he was probably inside the hall with the rest of their guests, oblivious at the fact that the groom was stealing his ride, ‘Come on, let’s go’

‘God, Jingjing’s gonna kill me’, Gun mumbled to himself, but he sat behind Off, his hands holding onto his waist tight as he let out a small shriek, the scooter racing out of the car park before anyone could see two well-suited men driving away.

* * *

‘This is insane’, Gun laughed, but his fingers were interlocked with his future husband as they raced inside the mall in their suits. They already looked out of place, especially Gun who had on a white rose which rested inside his front pocket.

‘You said you were hungry’, Off pointed out, chuckling when he dragged him to one of the restaurants, watching people turn to stare at them, ‘I’m craving pizza, how about you?’

‘I want a burger’, Gun replied. He couldn’t get rid of the smile on his face as Off ignored the rest of the world, lining up behind strangers looking so perfect. He had on a white suit, similar to his.

‘Do you want a drink?’, Off turned to ask him, Gun nodded as he went around to find a seat, trying hard not to stain his suit as he wiped the chairs with his hands, getting rid of the crumbs and leftover food.

‘Hello’

Gun turned around before sitting when he heard a soft voice calling out to him, seeing a small little girl waving at him.

‘Hey’, he smiled at her. She had an oversized shirt, probably a hand-me-down, her hair in a messy ponytail, baby hairs sticking out like wires, but she had a curious smile on her face when she looked at him.

‘Are you a prince?’, she asked with wide eyes, making him laugh as he knelt down to her level, stroking her hair.

‘Do I look like one?’

‘Uh-huh’, she nodded, reaching her hand out to touch his soft cheeks. Gun let her, reaching out to squeeze her cheeks back.

‘Hello princess’, they heard someone else’s voice joining him. Off must’ve heard their conversation as he set the plate of food down on the table, joining him.

‘Woah, another prince’, the girl’s lips parted in shock when she looked up at Off, ‘Where are your princesses?’

‘I don’t have one’, Off replied to her, but he slid his hand to Gun’s, smiling down at them, ‘But I have a prince’, he told her, making Gun blush. The little girl smiled at the two of them, jumping up and down excitedly as she called out for her mum, excited to tell her that she met royalty.

‘Did you get my burger?’, Gun stood up once the little girl ran back to her mum, the pair being left alone finally. Off smiled and slid a Big Mac at him whilst he bit on his pizza slice.

‘So, my prince, you ready to get married?’, Off asked him, Gun almost choking on his burger as Off laughed at him. Despite the coming weeks to this day, Gun still couldn’t believe that he was getting married to his first love. It felt straight out of the movies – the ones he didn’t like – because he found them too cheesy and impossible.

‘I’m more excited about our honeymoon’, Gun pointed out, speaking with his mouth full and his cheeks puffed like a hamster, ‘’I’ve never been to Paris before’

‘It’ll be a long flight’, Off said, ‘But I’m sure you’ll love it’

‘How many times have you been to Paris to know how to travel there? Do you even speak French?’

‘Of course, I do’, his future husband showed off obnoxiously, making Gun throw his tissue at him, ‘May I remind you, I’m fluent in multiple languages. I’ve always been better than you at those’

‘Stop showing off. It’s annoying’, Gun rolled his eyes. He was also good at languages, but the difference between the two was that Gun was good at studying language whereas Off was good at speaking it.

‘At least you don’t have to worry about getting lost. Stick with me and you’ll be fine’

Gun smiled, feeling a buzz inside his pockets and pulling out his phone, realising he’s had thirty-five missed calls from Jingjing, Tay and his mother.

‘Oh shit’, he gasped, reading his messages, ‘They’re looking everywhere for us’

‘I haven’t finished my pizza yet’, Off replied, chewing extra slow, ‘Why don’t we give it a few minutes’

‘You’re gonna give your mother in law a heart attack’, Gun warned him, ‘Is that how you’re going to make your first impression as a son in law?’

‘Okay, okay’, Off grinned at him. Even the word son in law was enough to make his skin tingle, ‘Let’s go’, he said as he stuffed the rest of the pizza slice in his mouth, standing up and reaching his hand out for Gun to take.

Off felt a buzz inside his pocket too, taking it out and seeing Arm’s name on the caller I.D.

‘Hello?’, he decided to pick up the phone just to ease their pain a little, being bombarded by a shouting best man.

‘Where are you? You fucking idiot!’, Arm’s voice was loud, he flinched a little, ‘Are the both of you eloping from your own wedding?!’

‘Relax’, Off replied nonchalantly, ‘We just went out to lunch’

‘In your 5k suits?! You better not have any stains on them! I styled them personally for you!’

‘Calm down, Arm, we just had some pizza’

‘Pizza?!’, Arm’s voice seemed dazed, as if he was about to faint, ‘You’re wearing white, you jerk!’

‘I won’t stain it! I promise’, Off reassured him once more, the pair holding hands as they ran out of the mall, Gun dragging him along.

‘You better be here in ten, otherwise, I’ll set fire to this whole villa!’

‘Woah, calm down bridezilla’, Off chuckled at him, hanging up the phone and rushing to P’Pik’s scooter.

‘Is everyone waiting?’, Gun asked, sitting behind him, his arms wrapped around his waist.

‘Yeah’, Off replied, turning on the engines, ‘We better hurry, otherwise Arm might turn into Godzilla’

‘Oh shit… Off’, Gun was about to laugh when he looked at Off’s suit, seeing a red stain at the bottom left, ‘I think you’ve got tomato sauce on the back’

‘Really?’, Off turned around, but he didn’t bother to check, ‘Oh well, Arm won’t notice’

‘You better pray he doesn’t’, Gun said as they drove back to their venue, smelling of gas, pizza and sun by the time they got back, their hair slightly messed up due to the wind.

‘I hate you both’, was their first greeting when Tay and Arm waited at the front for them, making them laugh even more when Jingjing dragged Gun back to his room to redo his hair, Arm choking Off when he saw the red stain at the back of his white suit.

* * *

**Five Months Before the Meeting**

‘Woof!’

‘I hate you’, Gun replied to the small puppy, sitting with his legs crossed as he watched her play with his shoelaces.

‘Woof!’, the dog looked at him with her button eyes, her little nose sniffing his feet, ‘Woof!’

‘I can’t believe he bought you’, Gun mumbled, talking to the dog, ‘You’re not even that cute’

Despite his harsh attitude, the small little puppy barked excitedly at him, her little legs jumping to sit on his lap. Gun still felt bitter, but he didn’t want to push the puppy away, so he held her in his arms, stroking her soft fur until he felt something cold brushing his fingers.

He looked down and noticed that there was already a collar around her neck that he hadn’t noticed, hidden beneath all her fur. He squinted his eyes to read the engravement on the tag.

_My treasure._

He bit his lips and closed his eyes for a moment. Unknowingly, he hugged the small puppy closer to his chest, resting his chin on her furs.

* * *

M **ay 2021**

**_‘I, Off Jumpol, take you Gun Atthaphan to be my lawfully wedded husband. Today marks the first day of the rest of our lives and I’m lucky I get to spend it with you. As someone once told me, love is a skill, and thank God I’m finally capable enough to love you. I’m still a work in progress, but I hope we can grow and learn from each other because it’s one long journey ahead of us, but it’ll be a privilege to walk this long road with you’_ **

The Royal Villa had a beautiful garden which stretched out into the fields, the sun shining bright above the sky once the ceremony was over, everyone heading to the tables that were set outside. The view looked like it jumped straight out of a fairytale, a rustic look as fairy lights hung from the posts and wrapped around the trees, vases of various flowers resting on each table, ranging from roses, baby’s breath and peonies decorating the scenic reception. A live band played by the makeshift stage at the front of the villa, jazz music filled the air, riffs of notes causing people to stand up and dance amongst the meadow, clapping their hands and drinking champagne.

‘This is beautiful. Why didn’t we think of this?’, Alice whispered to her husband. Arm only chuckled and downed his drink as he stood up, dragging Alice for a dance to which his beautiful wife couldn’t say no to.

Whilst their friends and families enjoyed the rest of the afternoon in pure bliss, Off and Gun could be found lost in their own world, their shoes off as they felt the warm grass beneath their feet. Off had his blazer off after Arm almost choked him to death because of the red stain, his tie lost somewhere on one of the chairs. He had his arms around Gun’s waist, twirling him around as they danced in the meadows, far from the dancefloor.

‘Place your bets lads’, Fiat began, ignoring his wife who tried to stop him, but this had become more than a habit, at this point, it was tradition, as the old group of friends reunite for what seemed to be the millionth time, ‘I say one year’

‘One year for what?’, Oab asked, joining in on the fun almost immediately as Fiat finished what he was saying, ‘One year till they break up?’

‘No, one year till they have children’, Fiat corrected his old friend, hitting him on the back of the head, ‘How tasteless of you to bet on how long they’ll last when they just got married’

‘Why not? We did it on Tay and New’s wedding’, Mike jumped into the conversation, forcing New to choke on his drink at the new information.

‘You betted on how long Tay and I would last?’, New shouted at them, everyone looking guilty but they didn’t say anything, ‘You guys are bastards’

‘Look, no one betted lower than ten years’, Jane pointed out, as if that was going to ease New’s irritation, ‘I mean, I remember betting twenty’

‘I voted eternity’, Mild raised her hand, trying to get bonus points as if they were still in school, and in a sense, whenever they were together, it felt like they were eighteen, stupid and immature again. They didn’t know whether that was a good or bad thing and they’ve still yet to find out.

‘Tasteless’, New retorted back to all of them, not listening to their excuses, ‘The lot of you’

‘Oh, come on’, Fiat rolled his eyes and punched New’s shoulder, ‘It’s just a bit of fun’

‘Well, if that’s the case, I bet four years’

‘Four years till what?’

‘Till Jane proposes to Mild’, New smiled cheekily as he raised his glass and stared at the girls, which made Mild gasp, throwing her napkin at him.

‘How dare you!’

‘I second to that!’, Mike laughed, raising his champagne glass and clinking it with New, causing an uproar from the girls, the whole table arguing with one another, their voices rose to screams, causing attention from the other tables.

‘Is this really how you guys act with each other?’, Alrisa asked her boyfriend who just laughed when Fiat threw his pie, hitting Mike’s face.

‘Sorry babe, we act stupid when we’re together. It’s expected at this point’

* * *

‘Hello husband’, Gun looked up at Off as he rested his chin on the latter’s chest. His dimples showed and Off couldn’t help but bend down and kiss them.

‘Hi’, Off whispered back, placing kisses all over his cheeks, down his neck, ‘How are you feeling, husband?’, the pair couldn’t stop repeating it, the word still ringing fresh in their ears, like chimes playing due to the continuous movement of the wind.

‘God, I don’t think I want this day to end’, Gun sighed blissfully, closing his eyes and smelling the fresh air, scented with flowers.

‘I do’, Off replied, ‘I can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings’, Off wasn’t the least bit excited about the rest of the day, he was just eager to get started with life again, waking up next to none other than Gun Atthaphan beside his bed, ‘Anyway, I better go to the front’, he suddenly stopped dancing, pulling Gun back a little, making him pout at the loss of movement.

‘Why? What is it?’

‘I’ve got a little surprise for you’, Off winked at him, holding his hands as he dragged his husband back to the main dancefloor.

It’s been a long time since Off played bass, but even though he was rusty, he was still good enough to stand on stage, the first two buttons of his shirt open, his sleeves rolled back and standing with the live band.

‘Well, well, well, I guess the great Off Jumpol is making a return!’, Tay shouted once he joined the table at the front, resting his arm on New’s shoulders as the crowd cheered for them. Gun couldn’t help but stare on the golden band around Off’s fingers, signalling to the rest of the world that he was officially Gun Atthaphan’s and no one else.

Gun had no idea what was happening and when Alice forced him to sit with them at the front, with no obstacle distracting him from Off, he couldn’t help but feel euphoric when the man started playing. He hadn’t heard him play since high school and a wave of nostalgia hit him in forms of hard riffs and mischievous smirks coming from Off as the song began.

_Up on melancholy hill, there’s a plastic tree_

_Are you here with me?_

_Just looking out on the day of another dream_

Off Jumpol was still insufferable. Gun noticed, especially with the way he played his bass, relaxed fingers gliding over the strings and his eyebrow raised in a playful manner as he began to sing. If they were back in high school, Gun would scowl at him and his narcissistic demeanour, but right now, he couldn’t help but feel elated that he’s married to none other than the annoying, loudmouth, smartass boy that he couldn’t stop thinking about ever since he was a teenager.

_Well, you can’t get what you want,_

_But you can get me,_

_So, let’s set out to sea,_

_‘Cause you’re my medicine_

_When you’re close to me._

‘Hey Gun’, Oab whispered in his ears during the middle of the performance, gaining his attention, ‘Do you still play the violin?’

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, confused as to why Oab was asking him randomly, ‘Why?’

‘Look what I got’, Oab winked at him, tapping his foot down on the floor where a violin case rested on the grass. Gun didn’t even notice it, but when Oab slid the instrument towards him, he realised what he was inferring and he smiled softly at his friend.

‘Wanna bet Off still plays better than Gun?’, Mike pointed out to the group, forcing Gun to glare at him as he took out the instrument from the case, pointing a finger at him.

‘I bet I’m still better, like always’, Gun murmured to him before the rolled his sleeves up, resting the violin between the crevice of his neck and shoulders, joining in with Off, much to his surprise, the soft strings joining with his hard riffs.

Off turned his gaze to his husband, watching him as he stood facing him with just as much as a smirk on his face.

It seemed like old habits die hard because when Gun started to get cheers from the crowd, Off felt blood coursing through his veins as he kept up with his husband, abandoning the band as he competes with Gun, forcing their friends and families to focus back on him. Gun stuck out his tongue at him, quickening his movements until his fingers synced perfectly with the band, internally joyous at the way Off managed to pull him off his seat and off the edge like they used to.

It was a mixture of old and new, strings that weren’t made to be heard together, but here they were, fusing their melody until they created something new and erratic, a piece foreign from tradition, yet it was simple. Like all things, once everything was set in place, even the most complicated became easy to read.

‘I think it’s a tie’, Mike pointed out to the rest of the group once the song ended, cheers and hoots from the crowd as they clap for the happy couple one more time.

‘It’s always been a tie between the two of them’, Jane commented, waving her hand, beckoning the waiter for more drinks.

‘I didn’t know you still played’, Off pointed out, bowing to the band for letting him join as he retired, allowing them to play for the rest of the evening. He jumped off the makeshift stage, leaving behind his bass as he joined his husband once more.

‘Not professionally’, Gun said, ‘I stopped joining competitions during college’

‘You’re still good’, Off smiled, his wide grin forming crescent-shaped eyes, ‘As expected from an Adulkittiporn’

‘And you’re not bad yourself’, Gun tiptoed, his hand resting on Off’s cheeks as he kissed his lips, ‘As expected from a Phunsawat’

* * *

**_‘I, Gun Atthaphan, take you Off Jumpol to be my lawfully wedded husband. No matter what happens, be it rain or storm, sunshine or clear skies, I will spend all those days loving you. I know my vows are short, but there’s nothing else for me to say other than I’m so glad I get to be with someone like you, and I vow never to let you go. I promise’_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **  
>  _On Melancholy Hill_   
>  **
> 
> _A song about two lonely people basking in each other’s presence whilst they’re surrounding in plastic shit. They both know they can’t have what they want, but they can have each other._


	7. Six.

**Four Months Before the Meeting**

Gun waved goodbye to his co-workers as he signed off for work, throwing his briefcase at the passenger set of his car as he turned on the AC, letting the cool wind run through his skin. It had been a hard two months for Gun, especially when his colleagues still asked him to invite Off to their gatherings. It was his fault. He hadn’t mentioned to the team that he was going to get a divorce.

But who knew if he was? Off’s last words to him were that he never wanted to talk about it again, but they stilled lived in separate houses and refused to talk to each other. So, what were they? Because they clearly weren’t married anymore, yet the metal around their fingers still chained them together, stopping them from leaving.

It didn’t help that Jingjing practically kicked him out, using the ‘no pets’ allowed at her apartment as an excuse, but he knew she wanted him to finally leave and stop being a burden to her. Which left him no choice but to stay with his old high school friend who clearly had too many questions to ask.

‘I’ve always hated P’Off’, Frank commented as soon as Gun arrived home, seeing New’s teenage son laying on the living room floor, My Chemical Romance playing in the background as Bibii rested on his stomach, ‘He was always too loud’

‘Why’re you trying to get bonus points from me?’, Gun asked as he ignored the young boy, walking to the kitchen to get himself a drink. His work blazer rested on one of the chairs as he downed the cold bottle of water in one go.

‘I’m just saying…’, Frank shrugged, stroking Bibii’s ears as she yawned, closing her eyes and resting her head on his chest, ‘I think it’s a perfectly logical move to slam divorce papers whilst someone is peacefully working’

Gun knew sarcasm when he hears it, so he slammed the fridge door shut, leaning on it as he crossed his arms, glaring at the teenager, ‘What is your point?’

‘Nothing’, Frank smiled at him, sitting up and adjusting Bibii in his arms, making sure not to wake the puppy, ‘I just remembered one of my carers when I was young. She was so uptight and controlling. If things didn’t play out the way she wanted, she’d considered it wrong and get rid of it. She did it with me when I wasn’t following what she said’

‘That’s probably because you were a troublemaker’

‘Does that mean I deserved to be tossed aside where no one wants me?’, Frank asked him, and truth be told, Gun didn’t know how to answer that. Instead, he stared at his friend’s problematic son who’d been causing them trouble since the moment he arrived. He remembered late-night drives with Off, trying to look for a runaway kid whilst he was on the phone comforting a worried New. He always wondered why his friend decided to foster a teenager, especially when they were still too young to even understand how to take care of someone his age.

‘I’m sorry that happened to you’, Gun decided to finally speak, ‘You didn’t deserve that. But my situation with Off is different. It’s not just me hurting him. We’re both slowly killing each other. Don’t you think it’s unhealthy to stay with someone if that’s how you feel?’

‘I made my dads cry multiple times, but they didn’t give up on me’, Frank reminded him, ‘I was a dick to them, but I’m still living under their roof and… Well… I don’t mind calling them dad now’, Gun had no way to argue with that and he find it slightly annoying that a fourteen-year-old kid was arguing back with him, ‘Think of it as taming an abandoned dog’, he pointed out, ‘They’re scared, so they lash out, but that doesn’t mean they wanna hurt you. They’re just protecting themselves and that’s the only way they know how’

‘That doesn’t mean their behaviour is excused when they bite’, Gun reminded him, ‘We all go through crap, kid, doesn’t mean you have the rights to hurt someone else’

‘You’re right’, Frank nodded, setting Bibii down on the carpet rug as he stood up, ‘I’m sorry’

‘Sorry for what?’

‘I may or may not have known where P’Off went the day after he came back from London’, Frank noted and this made Gun pause, his brow raised suspiciously. The boy had a tendency for lying so he didn’t entertain it as much, but he still wanted to know how the boy was going to string in a story.

‘And where did he go?’

‘Phuket’, Frank replied immediately, as if he’d been wanting to say it for a long time.

‘Why did he go there?’, Gun asked, on the riff between believing the boy and brushing it off as another one of his extravagant stories.

‘He said he needed to meet someone’

* * *

**Hôtel Plaza Athénée; May 2021**

Paris was cold, but the air smelt fresh, music playing in the background as Gun sat on the balcony of their hotel room, watching the beautiful view in front of him where he could see the Eiffel Tower. The flight was long and he spent most of the hours sleeping, using his husband as a pillow.

‘It’s beautiful, right?’, Off broke the silence, walking with a glass of red wine, passing it to Gun as he sat down on the empty seat next to him.

‘Yeah’, Gun sighed blissfully, smiling to himself as he looked down on his hands, yet a new ring placed around his finger. His heart still raced when he looked at the gold, elation of overjoyed happiness coursing through him when the one who owns the ring and his heart belonged to the man sitting next to him.

He imagined them wearing uniforms, back in school when they were still eighteen and clueless. He wondered how their old self would react to the fact they’ve married each other. He was sure his younger self would ask him why, groaning in disgust, but he also knew butterflies would threaten to explode at the thought that Off Jumpol chose him.

‘This is a weird suggestion, but London is just a drive away from here’, Gun pointed out, sipping his red wine as he waited for Off’s reaction, ‘I supposed it wouldn’t be the worse thing to visit your mum’

‘My mum wouldn’t wanna meet you’, Off hid his displeasure with laughter, like he usually does. He had his own glass of red wine which resting on his hand as he leaned back and looked up at the dark skies, ‘She’s not as open as my dad’

‘I’m sure we could change her mind’

‘No point’, Off replied, blowing out air to see the fog form around them. It was cold in Paris and he saw Gun wrap himself around with the hotel bathrobe, not yet used to the weather. But he’d lived in Europe long enough to value the chill in the air. It made him feel numb, but when he stepped inside his apartment and turned on the heat, he felt his skin tingle back to life and he always loved the feeling. It reminded him that even if he was hollow now, he could still feel alive later, ‘I can’t be bothered to try anymore’, he explained and that was the rest of the conversation which consisted of his mother.

‘You know, if I knew where my dad was, I’d go to him within a heartbeat’, Gun confessed, tying the robe tighter around him when strong winds brushed his skin, making him shiver a little, ‘I’d ask him loads of questions and hope that maybe he didn’t forget his son’

‘You would wanna build a relationship again? Even after what he did?’

‘I’m a lawyer’, Gun chuckled, finishing his red wine, ‘I don’t make a final verdict until I’ve heard both clients’ side of the story’

‘You’re a property lawyer’, Off reminded him, making the former laugh, ‘You negotiate sales and lands’

‘I still have a law degree’, Gun punched his shoulder, ‘I had to work shadow a defence lawyer during my placement’

‘I always thought you’d make a great doctor’, Off randomly pointed out, remembering the hardship he pulled trying to beat Gun in science, but he somehow rarely does.

‘How so?’

‘Well, you had no social life’, Off joked, laughing when Gun hit his arm again, ‘I’m kidding!’, he said as he begged his husband to stop. Even now, he still loved riling Gun up, it didn’t just remind him of old times, it also made him realise that the latter was the only one who could make him smile genuinely.

‘Your job suits you too’, Gun pointed out, changing the topic from him, ‘You’ve always liked taking care of people’

‘I beg to differ’, Off groaned, ‘Celebrities do stupid shit that I have to clean up. It’s annoying’

‘But you’re good at getting to them’, Gun said, ‘You’re good at making them trust you enough to let you help them’

‘I guess so’, Off nodded, but he didn’t see it. Most of the celebrities he’s told to take care of had an air of plastic in them, which he expected since they lived that type of lifestyle, so all he could do was keep it real and hope they kept some form of humanity to listen to him when they fuck up.

‘PR for Thailand’s biggest celebrities’, Gun chuckled as he whispered it to himself, ‘It’s not the first thing I thought of, but it makes sense’

‘What did you think I’d be?’, Off asked curiously.

‘Honestly, I thought maybe you’d end up being a celebrity’, Gun admitted, ‘Maybe be in a band or be scouted as a model or something’

‘I’m the smartest person in the entire year yet you thought I was going to be in a band?’, Off snorted, putting down his wine glass on the circular table in front of them.

‘Excuse me, I was the smartest’, Gun reminded him, making him roll his eyes as he stood and stared down at his husband.

‘We’re not having this argument again’, Off smirked, lifting Gun off his feet, making him squeal as he walked them back into the hotel room, closing the door with his feet.

‘Off!’, Gun giggled when he felt Off’s lips all over him. He stammered his husband’s name, murmurs of deep moans when Off pulled the strings of his robes, taking off his clothes. It was an easy task, one that Off had done millions of times already, he could do it with his eyes closed – and he did. He threw his husband’s robes on the floor, letting it the carpet as he laid Gun down on the bed.

They’ve been talking since they got here, and Off couldn’t lie to himself, he wanted to do something more than just chatting, especially on their honeymoon. He made himself clear when he grind his hips against Gun’s thighs, the pair slowly breaking down their walls as the night loomed over them.

* * *

**Four Months Before the Meeting.**

The crack of the windows allowed sunlight to filter into the room, blinding Gun as he slowly woke up from his dreams of late-night conversations, red wine and bathrobes. He can hear a muffled version of My Chemical Romance blasting from the other room and he concluded that Frank was still suspended from school since it was a weekday and he knew damn well it was way past noon.

He still couldn’t stop thinking about what Frank had told him last night. He wanted to brush it off as the teenager stirring shit, but then again, Frank would set their trash on fire or steal Tay’s credit card for fun, but he wouldn’t poke his most vulnerable thought just for pure entertainment. So, if Frank was telling the truth, what was Off doing in Phuket?

‘Frank, can you turn that down? Gun’s still sleeping’, he heard New’s voice from downstairs and he couldn’t help but laugh, especially when he heard the volume go down right after he told his son off. He turned and looked out of the window, watching the clouds slowly move across the sky.

For an odd reason, he always thought about Off when he looked up at the sky. He didn’t know why though. The man had been such a constant in his life, that even when he wasn’t there, he’d still be thinking about him. Off was just like the sky, barely noticeable, but when he looked up, it will still be there.

‘Woof!’

‘Ergh’, he whined as he turned over to look at the floor to where Bibii was sitting, looking up at him with sparkling eyes, ‘What do you want?’, he glared at the small pup who kept on whining, standing up to lean on the bed, attempting to jump up, but her legs were too small.

She was getting loud, asking for his attention even though he feeds her three times a day and takes her out for walks. Every night, he forced her to sleep on the floor instead of the bed, but every morning, she would whine and beg for him to pick her up.

‘You’re just like him’, he whispered, giving in as he bent down to pick her up, letting her rest on his stomach. Bibii barked at him excitedly, jumping onto his chest as she licked his cheeks. Gun squirmed a little, but he couldn’t help but chuckle, watching her energetically greet him.

‘Hey Gun, you awake yet?’, he heard the knock on the guest bedroom door and when he turned, he saw his husband’s best friends in sweatpants and a stained shirt holding a tray of food for him.

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, smiling at him as he sat and hugged Bibii to his chest, ‘You don’t have to bring that up here. I can go downstairs’

‘My husband will kill me if I didn’t ‘treat’ my guest with respect’, Tay whispered to him, rolling his eyes as he sat at the end of the bed, resting the tray beside Gun who laughed at him.

‘How?’, he asked the taller, ‘How can you still be in love with New after all these years?’, Gun didn’t mean it in a rude way. He was just jealous. He saw what Tay and New had and he always thought it would be the same thing for him and Off. They would buy a house in the outskirts of town, the one with a big pool, whilst they attempt to raise a child, whether it be boy or girl, he didn’t care.

‘Twelve years, to be more precise’, Tay smiled, ‘And no, I wasn’t always in love with him during those twelve years’

‘Huh?’

‘Third year of college’, Tay explained when Gun made a confused expression as he bit down on his toast, ‘I loved New, but I wasn’t _in_ love with him if that made sense’

‘No, it doesn’t’

‘Okay. Well, it’s like… It’s like I cared about him but I didn’t feel the same way as I did when I was in high school. I was content, but at the same time, it wouldn’t upset me if New broke up with me there and then. It was like I loved him, but not enough that I would cry if he let me go’

‘But… Why?’

‘It was the build-up. His parents still didn’t accept me enough to introduce me to the rest of his family, plus the stress of trying to look for jobs and interns once we finished college made me think if New would even be in my future. All these worries made me less in love with him’

‘How did you overcome it?’

‘You don’t always have to be in love with someone to know you can’t live without them’, Tay replied to him, a small smile on his face, ‘As far as I know, you couldn’t even remember Off’s name after high school, but that didn’t mean you stopped thinking about him, did you?’

‘How do you know?’, Gun rolled his eyes when the subject of the topic moved to him, ‘I was doing fine when he was gone’

‘Really?’, Tay chuckled, ‘Then whose shirt are you wearing?’, Gun looked down whilst chewing on his food, seeing the oversized dress shirt that he wore and realising it was one of Off’s work clothes, white buttoned-down and creased. Gun quickly grabbed the blanket, lifting it up to his chest and hiding it, but that only made Tay laugh, even more, a loud rumble of chuckled after the other.

‘I probably accidentally packed it whilst I was leaving’, Gun excused himself, ‘I don’t sort out my closet well’

‘Don’t make excuses, Gun’, Tay pointed one when the flustered man continued to string lies, ‘That’s the difference between you and me. I never lied to New about my feelings. I told him I loved him, but one day, it wasn’t going to be enough for me to keep waiting on him. So, New made his decision and of course, he chose me’, he smirked at the last bit, which made Gun roll his eyes.

‘So, what do you propose for me to do?’

‘Tell Off your feelings and give him an option’, Tay simply stated, ‘Tell him you love him, but that’s not going to be enough to make you stay. He’ll realise his prioritise’

‘But what if he doesn’t?’, Gun replied, his hand dropping the last bite on his toast. He watched Bibii curl herself around his lap, sleeping peacefully, ‘What if I told him I love him but he still won’t change?’

‘Are you sure you married my best friend?’ Tay asked him, a wave of sarcasm in his tone as he leaned on the bedpost, ‘I mean, Off’s being an idiot right now and even I don’t know what’s going on with him, but do you really think he would let you go that easily?’

‘He already has’, Gun faked a smile, ‘I wouldn’t be crashing at your place if he didn’t try to stop him’

‘Off is odd, but he’s no idiot’, Tay reminded him, ‘He does things a little differently. You would know that, right?’

Gun felt his hands unconsciously stroke Bibii’s fur, watching her fall asleep on his lap.

* * *

**Paris; May 2021**

After a long night of rest, Gun dragged Off out of the hotel room, wanting to see every speck that the city had to offer. He was excited to say the least, his face in a permanent smile as they walked down the streets of Paris, smelling the bliss scent of food passing from each restaurant, the chilly wind brushing their hair back with their fingers interlocked. They had visited every possible tourist destination that Gun had listed on his phone whilst he was doing research, but now it was Off’s turn to be excited, dragging his husband to the hidden gems, slipping into the cracks of off-road cafés and small-owned boutiques.

‘Have you visited this cafe?’, Gun asked him whilst they sat outside, drinking a warm cup of coffee when Off realised Gun was a shivering mess.

‘A couple of times’, he admitted. The first time he’d been to Paris was to visit his ex-girlfriend, but the other times, he went with his friends during weekends out when the stress of college got to them, booking train tickets and a motel last minute. He buried a lot of worries in this city.

‘Un cadeau pour l’heureux couple’, a waiter interrupted their conversation, setting down two cups of café liégeois, a warm smile on her face.

‘Merci’, Off replied to her with a smile. He turned back to look inside, seeing the manager waving at them and he raised his hand in greeting, ‘Ton café est merveilleux’

‘What did she say?’, Gun asked, listening to his husband reply in French, somewhat impressed at his nonchalance in speaking multiple languages at once.

‘She said the manager wanted to congratulate us’, Off explained tapping at the ring on his finger, making Gun blush when he turned around to smile back at the manager inside, shyly waving his hands.

‘Do you know them?’

‘Of course, not’, Off chuckled, but he dug in on the free dessert, ignoring the confused expression, ‘What? You’ve never met nice people before?’

‘I usually get awkward stares and a few slurs whenever I go out with a boy’, Gun confessed, ‘Allow me to be a bit freaked out at the nice gesture’

‘Don’t worry about all that’, Off reassured him, tethering his fingers with Gun’s, ‘I’ve got your back’

‘You better’, Gun joked, ‘You’re my husband. It’s your job to save my ass from now on’, he heard Off laughing with him and he noticed how Off still got shy at the term husband. It was a sight he couldn’t get enough of, revelling in the expression of happiness pocketed by Off Jumpol, only for him to see. He wanted the moment to last forever.

‘You know, if we walk down that road, we’ll pass a small bridge’, Off said to him, finishing his dessert whilst Gun was still eating, ‘Why don’t we go down there?’

‘What’s so special about that bridge?’

Gun had done his research about the city, as much as he could so Off couldn't outsmart him about the history of Paris, but the one thing he didn’t expect to be dragged to was a secret garden far away from the busy roads. Gun gasped, breathing out fog as the sun began to set, but that didn’t stop the view from being breathtaking. The wide landscape of grass was also filled with numerous flowers, bursts of colours shading the metropolitan city. He was shocked how there were only a few people present, despite the busy day, sitting on the grass with a book in their hand, talking to each other with a cup of coffee as they sat on the benches.

‘How did you find this place?’, he asked, running up to the trees, brushing the flowers with the tip of his fingers, delicately admiring the placement. It was colour coordinated; the green flowers planted in shapes of hearts.

‘My college friends and I got lost whilst trying to go back to our hotel’, Off admitted, ‘I mean, we were also pissed drunk and out of our minds, so that didn’t help’, he mumbled that last bit, still ashamed of his drunken behaviour in a foreign city.

‘Where’s the bridge?’, his husband asked excitedly, curious to know about the memories he made in such a beautiful place, and how they’re going to make a new one with each other.

‘A little down there’, he pointed, amused at the way Gun was pulling at his hand like a child in an amusement park.

It was enough for Off to watch Gun’s eyes brighten at the bridge which connects them to another park, a long man-made river in the middle of the city.

‘It’s a lock bridge!’, Gun gasped excitedly. It was smaller than the Pont Des Arts, but Off knew Gun was going to lock it. He walked a little slower, watching as Gun ran to the bridge, hands stretched to touch the cold metal locks, names of strangers in love written in every single one of them.

‘You wanna do one?’, Off offered. He wasn’t much for cheesy antics, and this was the epitome of it all. He didn’t like doing shit like this and he even remembered Taylor whining when he said no at her suggestion. But fuck it. He was on his honeymoon, so he didn’t mind racing to the nearest convenience store to buy a lock and a sharpie.

_Gun_ _♡_ _Off_

_From 2014 till forever._

‘Gun, you’re my biggest downfall’, he confessed when he watched his husband lock the padlock on the bridge. Off was never the sentimental type. He never valued looking back at his past memories, let alone reminiscing over it. He was immune to the disease of nostalgia; he didn’t forget the sadness or frustration of his youth. He only looked forward in life, like he was advised to do, planning ahead and leaving everything behind in the process. But one name alone was enough to send him back running.

_Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat-Adulkittporn._

And now that name belonged to him.

‘Let’s go grab some dinner’, Gun, who didn’t hear Off’s words, walked back to stand behind his husband, watching their names joined amongst the dozens of named locks, ‘I’m starving’

‘I know a great place’, Off replied, holding his hands as they leave the beautiful secret garden, the air getting colder now that night had arrived.

That was the first and last time they visited the park together and sometimes Gun would wonder if the lock was still there.


	8. Seven.

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

Gun didn’t expect to meet him in the morning. If he did, he wouldn’t have said what he said, but when he was nervous and tired, shit comes out of his mouth. He had on Off’s shirt and shorts, with a snapback hiding his unwashed hair as he took Bibii for a walk before getting ready for work.

He’d never been to this park before, especially this early. Since it was closer to New’s place, he decided to take Bibii down there instead of the park closer to his and Off’s house. He took off the puppy’s leash, letting her run around the grass whilst he sat on the park bench replying to his e-mails.

_Call. Don’t call. Call. Don’t call._

His company’s annual dinner event at the Hotel Plaza was coming soon and everyone still expected his husband to show up with him, as he’d been doing for the past three years. But everything was different now and he didn’t know whether he should ask Off or whether he should tell his co-workers that he and his husband weren’t together anymore.

But the thought of telling everyone meant that the inevitable will be solidified. For a moment, he was relieved at what Off said to him because that meant he didn’t have to go through something stupid. Of course, he didn’t want to divorce, that was a stupid impulsive move on his part to try and get Off to budge. But, if what Tay said was true, all he needed was to ask Off to try harder and maybe… Just maybe he wouldn’t have to resort to this.

He looked down on his phone again, looking at Off’s name as he hesitated whether to call his number.

‘Gun Atthaphan? Is that you?’

Just as he was about to press the call button, he looked up to find a man walking towards him. He was tall, and for a split second, he thought it was Off, but when he walked into the shade, he immediately recognised him.

‘Jaylerr?’, Gun stood up from the bench, his sudden movement making Bibii worry as she turned back to her owner, watching a stranger approach him. She instantly ran back to him, barking loudly at the tall man with a guitar case over his shoulder, ‘Oh my God, hey’

‘Hey’, the man waved back, smiling down at him, ‘It’s been ages. How have you been?’

‘I’ve been good’, Gun replied. It was a shock to meet an ex at any time, but he didn’t know that Jaylerr still be living in Bangkok. He had always been a wanderer and sometimes he would leave him for months on end due to a ‘new job’ or family emergency, ‘Are you living here or are you just visiting?’

‘I recently moved back actually’, Jay smiled, ‘I’ve been away in Japan teaching’

‘Oh, that’s lovely’, Gun looked down when Bibii wouldn’t stop barking, biting at Jay’s feet. He quickly bent down to pick her up, stroking her fur and hugging her to stop from barking, ‘Sorry about her’

‘No, it’s fine. She’s cute’, Jay smiled back at him, reaching out to stroke her ears, but Bibii barked back in defence, ‘She’s just like you’

Jaylerr hadn’t changed one bit. If Gun was paying attention, he still looked like he did four years ago, the only difference was the growing collection of piercing on his ears, climbing up to his helix.

With Gun hugging Bibii, Jaylerr looked down and noticed something different about him too.

‘Oh, you’re married?’, he asked with a surprised voice, pointing at the ring on his finger, making him freeze. Usually, Gun would leap at the opportunity to talk about Off, but at this moment, he stuttered, his smile fading when he looked down.

‘It’s complicated’, he admitted and he didn’t know why. He hadn’t seen Jaylerr in a long time and it wasn’t like they had an innocent break-up for them to be catching up with each other so easily, ‘We’re kinda breaking up’

‘Oh, you’re getting a divorce?’, the word had been thrown around between him and Off, but when someone else said it, it made him shiver and twitch in discomfort, as if what they said was wrong.

‘Uh… In a way’, Gun answered, even though he didn’t know why. Off’s words played in his mind over and over again and he didn’t know whether to be relieved or nervous at his lack of movement. But truth be told, without Off’s agreement, they weren’t getting divorced and deep down, he knew that.

‘Ah, that’s good’

‘I beg your pardon?’, Gun raised a furious brow at him.

‘I don’t mean it like that’, Jaylerr raised his hands up innocently, but there was a mischievous smile on his face, ‘I just thought… Maybe you’d like to go for a drink sometimes?’

_Is he insane?_

He was about to shout at him for even trying to flirt with a married man, but he realised that he was the one sending mixed signals.

‘I’m not sure… I don’t think I’m free. I have work’, Gun turned him down awkwardly, looking down at Bibii who glared at the man in front of them.

‘Well, I’ll give you my number. Just call me when you’re free’

‘Yeah sure. What’s your number?’

He could not believe he just asked his ex for his phone number and he banged his head against his hand when he walked out of the park, hugging Bibii as he practically ran back to the house.

‘Idiot, idiot, idiot!’, he shouted to himself, looking down at the name on his phone. It had changed from Off to Jay quickly, ‘Jesus, Bibii, next time we’re going to a different park’

* * *

**June; 2021**

‘Off! How about this?’, his husband pulled the trolley from the end of the room, looking at the desk Gun was pointing to when they arrived at the store. They had recently come back from their honeymoon and they hadn’t had the time to go furniture shopping. Not like they needed to, but Tay was a bitch who stole most of the furniture in their condo before moving in New’s apartment, which meant their place looked half empty and with Gun’s clothes being boxed in the living room, their condo was a whole mess. Off would trip every morning at the boxes of Gun’s stuff that the man hadn’t bothered to unpack yet.

‘We need clothing racks’, Off explained, tugging Gun by his shirt and pulling him back before he adds anything to the trolley, ‘We’re making Tay’s old bedroom as your walk-in closet’, he reminded his husband, laughing as he leaned his arm on his shoulder, hugging him by the neck as they walked side by side.

‘Why don’t we get new coffee tables too?’, Gun suggested, looking at the small spaced area which was designed to look like a living room, his eyes sparkling at the makeshift interior.

‘Keep calm babe’, Off smirked, ‘We’re here to buy one thing and one thing only’

‘Why not just buy everything all at once?’, Gun whined when he felt Off pull him back again when he tried to touch one of the sofas, ‘It’ll make things easier for us’

‘I’m shit at assembling furniture’, Off admitted, making Gun laugh, ‘It’s gonna take hours for me to build one thing’

‘Oh really?’, Gun smirked, ‘The great Off Jumpol doesn’t know how to build a drawer?’

‘Don’t even try’, Off warned him, pointing a finger at him. He knew exactly what Gun was implying and he seriously didn’t have the energy.

‘I bet I can build this drawer quicker than you’, Gun pointed at a wooden blocked drawer, making Off roll his eyes as he dared start a competition.

‘I’m not doing it’, Off faked a smile, pushing the trolley in a different direction, but his hand that was still holding Gun’s pulled him back, almost making him trip.

‘Off!’, Gun whined, his lower lip pouting, ‘Come on, it’s gonna be fun!’

‘I’m not buying more furniture than we could store. We only live in a condo’

‘You know you’re gonna lose against me, that’s why’, Gun giggled, poking Off on the stomach, ‘You know I’m better than you at this’

‘Oh, you really wanna go there?’, Off spoke to him in English, his accent mixed with Thai and British and he knew it annoyed Gun. His husband hated the fact that he was fluent in multiple languages, something that he’ll always be better at, ‘You wanna try me?’

‘Stop speaking English’, Gun tugged at his hair softly, but his expression was irritated, albeit adorable in Off’s eyes, he was keen on beating Off at this more than ever, ‘Whoever builds the fastest wins’

‘Oh darling, you’re on’

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

Gun scrolled through his Instagram account, passing through the different years in forms of photographs, different from one another. He didn’t realise how much he had shared with the rest of the world till he’d been scrolling for ten minutes, his eyes landing on an old photo of him and Jaylerr in the club. He looked young, probably still in his early twenties, in an oversized hoodie dancing with his boyfriend at the time. He couldn’t lie to himself, he looked happy for once, mainly because he couldn’t believe he bagged someone like Jaylerr, but also because he felt hopeful. They spent countless dates getting to know each other and for the first time, he thought he could feel the butterflies coming back, flying around his stomach as Jay dragged him to the dancefloor.

Jaylerr had left his mind the moment he broke up with him after the boy went missing for days without his knowledge. His questions rose and speculations left unanswered, so he only concluded that Jay had been cheating on him. Even after the boy attempted to call him to finally explain, he cut him off before he could, not wanting to find out if his assumptions were true. Instead, he left before he could hurt himself.

It felt like a déjà vu.

‘Oh, Gun’, Pluem tapped on the door of his open office, forcing him to look up, hiding his phone amongst the multiple files, ‘We ordered a suite for you and P’Off. It looks like we’re staying the whole weekend at the Hotel Plaza’

‘Wait, what?’, Gun sighed at the new information, scratching the back of his head as he thought about the awkward moment when he tells his co-workers he’ll be going on his own. He thought there’s no better moment than now so they could quickly cancel the suite and just book a single room for him, ‘Actually, I-’

‘P’Off already told me to go ahead with the booking, but he did tell me to ask you if you wanted-’

‘Wait… Say that again’, Gun tiled his head as soon as Pluem interrupted him, urging the boy to repeat his words only to be surprised by his husband’s name, ‘Why were you speaking with Off?’

‘You told me last year to speak with him’, Pluem reminded him, ‘You said I could go to Off and talk about the dinner events because you’re busy with work’

Gun wanted to rip his own hair out in frustration. He couldn’t believe he allowed Off so close to his workplace, to the point where his colleagues would come to him for confirmation rather than with him. He wanted to punch himself in the face.

* * *

‘Off Jumpol!’

‘Dude, please keep quiet. My wife’s pregnant’, Arm rolled his eyes as soon as he opened the door, finding Gun pushing past him despite not being invited in. Ever since Gun moved to Tay and New’s house, Off had no choice but to stop crashing at their place and instead invade Arm’s house like a parasite. It wasn’t the former’s fault. The silence of an empty house brought dark memories for Off, so he had no choice but to crash at his friends’ place so he’ll have noise to distract him.

‘Did I give you permission to meddle with my work life?’, Gun asked as soon as he walked in the living room. The sight before him was something that made his gut curl, seeing Off sitting on the floor with a five-month pregnant Alice, whistling as he races a toy car on her growing belly. It sent him back to the bitterness he felt when he was forced to reject their opportunity to have what their friends have.

‘Pluem was the one who called me’, Off answered, clearly expecting Gun coming over to question him, ‘He asked me a question and I just answered. It’s not like you told them I wasn’t coming’, he stopped playing with Alice, holding onto the toy car in his hands and leaning on the sofa.

‘I didn’t… I haven’t told anyone that we’re…’, Gun couldn’t even finish the sentence, and it gave Off some form of satisfaction at his sudden hesitation.

‘Gun, what exactly are you here to talk about?’, Arm finally managed to join them in his living room, leaning on the doorframe and looking at the short man who was still in his work clothes, ‘If you’re done questioning Off, why don’t you join us for dinner?’

‘No, New’s waiting for me’

‘I’m pretty sure he won’t be too upset if you don’t gate crash his family dinners’, Alice pointed out laughing. She started to have a habit of rubbing her belly, which only made Gun jealous of her.

‘When was the last time you two sat to have dinner together?’, Arm pointed at the two of them, an awkward silence filled the air which was enough of an answer for Arm.

‘Well, why don’t we make this your first in a long time?’, Alice suggested, agreeing with her husband as she allowed Arm to drag Gun into the dining room, despite the shorter’s reluctance.

‘You two still act like high school kids’, Alice turned to whisper to Off once Gun had left the room. She looked up at her friend, seeing Off in her husband’s pyjamas since the bastard never bothers to pack a few clothes when he decided to crash to their place, ‘But Gun still looks like an excited little kid every time he sees you. Can’t you two just move back in with each other and sort this shit’

‘I wanna give him some space before we talk again’, Off confessed to Alice as he stood up, reaching his hand out for her to hold when she got up, whining a little, ‘He needed some time to himself. I don’t wanna drag him into something that can quickly turn into an argument if he’s already tired of our previous fights’

‘The more you give him space, the longer you’ll leave him unattended’, Alice whispered to him. It made Off look at her weirdly, a raised eyebrow as they stayed inside the living room, the two friends sharing a silence of worry, ‘Gun’s beautiful, you know that, right?’

‘More than anyone in the world’

‘Then you’d know if people start thinking that the two of you are over, other people will start getting brave’

‘No, they won’t’, Off assured her, ‘He hasn’t taken off his ring yet’, he said with a hopeful voice. Alice didn’t even notice it, but of course Off did. It was the first thing he searched for the moment Gun walked into the room, his eyes glaring but his finger still had on the gold that he bought for him all those years ago. So, no matter how angry or frustrated Gun was at him, he didn’t reciprocate it, not when he knew deep inside, Gun didn’t hate him. Not at all. Not one bit.

* * *

**June; 2021**

‘Babe, no! That’s cheating!’, Gun gasped as soon as he walked back into the room to see his husband watching a YouTube tutorial whilst piles of wood and packets of screws were decorated around him. He quickly jumped over them all, reaching his hand out to confiscate his phone, but that only made Off whine as he shouted for his phone back.

‘I don’t know which screw to use!’, Off shouted back, ‘Just let me know which one I need for this then I’ll turn it off, I promise!’

‘That’s still cheating’, Gun glared down at him, but he had a playful grin on his face as he slid Off’s phone in his pocket, feeling the latter’s arm wrap itself around his leg, shaking him forcefully to give up the phone.

‘But you’re nearly done!’

‘That’s because I’m better than you’, Gun stuck out his tongue, basking in the moment of glory when he realised that he was definitely winning this competition. They seemed childish, and it’s been pointed out by their friends how stupid they are for keeping up the façade of rivalry between them when they’ve already married each other.

But for them, it was fun. It always had been, in a sense, despite their numerous fights and the uphold frustration shared between them when they were teens, they couldn’t lie to themselves, they made each other’s high school life worthwhile – or at the very least – memorable.

‘Okay, mister _‘I’m good at everything’_ , what do you want me to do now that you’ve won?’, Off asked. It was his fault for implementing a bet after they left Ikea with a trolley of more things than they had planned to purchase, Gun jumping at the suggestion before Off could back out. The latter had to blame his ego for thinking he could win when he knew jack-shit about drawers.

‘You’ll do anything I say?’, Gun asked with a smirk on his face as he sat down on the floor and hugged his husband, ‘Anything?’

‘Okay, the way you’re saying it makes me nervous’, Off pointed out matter of factly, ‘I’m not burying a body with you’

‘Shut up’. Gun kicked his leg playfully, but he tugged at Off’s shirt, pulling him into a tight embrace, ‘I want you to cook me dinner’

‘Are you insane?’, Off whined, his voice muffled under Gun’s shirt, ‘I don’t wanna burn our house down’

‘You won’t’, Gun laughed, ‘Just try it. I want my husband to cook for me’

* * *

‘You’re not supposed to chop it like that’, Gun giggled, leaning on his hand as he watched Off attempt to chop spring onions whilst he waited for the water to boil.

‘This is so stupid’, Off kept on whining, glaring at Gun who was enjoying the view, ‘Why can’t we just order take out?’

‘Because you don’t know how to build a shelf’, Gun pointed out, ‘You’re my husband, you need to be good at something. Why would I marry you then?’

‘Because you love me’, Off smirked at him, earning a punch on the arm. Yes, the two smartest people don’t know basic housework. They should’ve probably thought this through, but then again, they were both loaded enough to hire a housekeeper to do their house chores, plus Deliveroo existed, so the idea of cooking was beyond the both of them.

‘What’re you making anyway?’, Gun asked when he realised Off was just taking out every spice in the cupboard and adding it in like a madman.

‘Bulalo’

‘What the hell is that?’

‘A dish Tay fell in love with whilst he was on his honeymoon. He said he’d been teaching himself how to make it for months now’, Off smiled, pointing down at his phone to which Gun realised Tay had texted him the step by step recipe and he whined again, calling Off a cheater.

Gun tried to take Off’s phone away again, but the latter was faster, grabbing it and raising it to the air where Gun can’t reach it.

‘Off!’

‘If you want an edible dinner, then let me use my phone!’, Off shouted back at him, laughing when he watched Gun on tiptoes, his hand stretched out but he still couldn’t get it, ‘Just wait till I’m finished shortie’

‘Don’t call me that’, Gun wailed, punching his chest, ‘And give me the phone!’

‘No, I want to eat something that won’t kill us too’, Off reminded him, ‘So, I need Tay’s recipe’

‘Babe, you’re cheating!’, Gun called him out again, but he couldn’t help but laugh when Off wrapped his arm around his waist, holding him close so he couldn’t reach the phone anymore. For a moment, time disappeared when Off leaned down and pressed his soft lips against Gun, distracting him from the boiling pan. With their lips parted, Off immediately placed his phone on the kitchen counter, both his hands gripped on Gun’s thighs as he picked him up. It was easy for him to carry Gun, forcing the latter to wrap his legs around in as he leaned in for another kiss, a smile forming on his smug face when he heard Gun’s whimpers.

It wasn’t until they heard the smoke alarm blaring did, they stop, forcing them to part as Off grabbed a tea towel, waving the smoke out of the way as Gun turned off the pan, laughing at his husband who had to climb on a chair to turn off the alarm.

They ended up having to order in any way, throwing out the burnt meat in the trash whilst they waited for their takeaway.

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

‘This is nice’, Gun commented awkwardly as he ate Arm’s cooking. The room was silent, much more than the couple had expected when Off refused to join in conversations.

‘Thanks. I’ve been taking cooking lessons. Gotta keep the Mrs healthy’, Arm smiled, holding Alice’s hand as they sat next to each other – the only problem with the seating arrangement is that Gun was sitting next to Off. It felt deadly, not because he was still mad at him, but because they couldn’t even pretend to have a normal conversation. Sometimes he preferred the façade they kept than the deafening silence.

‘How’s work by the way?’, Alice turned to Off, begging him to join in and at least say something to stop the room from exploding from the tension.

‘Pretty good’, Off nodded, ‘Mild’s been assigned to be our new artist’s make-up artist. She hates him’

‘Why?’

‘She said he looks like a dick’, Off chuckled, ‘But I met him today and he doesn’t seem so bad’

‘I’m sure you say that now, but guys get into more trouble’, Arm pointed out and Alice couldn’t help but agree, ‘Remember that actor who got into a DUI?’

‘I don’t even wanna talk about him. He got us racing all over the building trying to answer all the reporter’s questions about his trial’, Off sighed, pouring himself a glass of ice water, ‘But at least he left the company. I couldn’t stand him anyway’

‘And how about you Gun?’, Alice turned to Gun, ‘How’s work?’

‘It’s alright’

‘So, is Off going to your dinner event?’, Arm joined in, Alice kicking him on the leg at the sudden question, but he only smirked when he looked at Gun who nervously bit on the food, probably waiting for Off to respond.

‘I’ve been going for three years. It’ll be weird if I stopped, right?’, Off pointed out, turning his head to finally look at Gun, seeing his side view and how he avoided all eye contact with him, ‘But I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to’, Off decided to give Gun an option, not that he wanted to. He knew he was gonna die if he ever heard Gun say he wished to attend alone, but ever since the day he marched in with divorce papers, he didn’t want to be overbearing with Gun, so he took his time and patiently waited for him to make a move.

‘I supposed it’s better than telling everyone it’s over’, Gun whispered, coughing a little as he awkwardly agreed with him, ‘I’ll tell them when I’m ready, but for now, I guess it won’t be too bad if you joined me’

Alice and Arm hid a smile of celebration, looking at each other in relief.

* * *

‘You sure you don’t wanna stay the night?’, Alice asked when they finished dinner, walking Gun to the door. The boy was already putting on his jacket and she wished he had the guts to stay with them, maybe then they’ll have more time to talk to each other. She missed hanging out with Gun and she wanted him present during her pregnancy, but ever since their fight, her friends had split themselves in two, which meant they couldn’t even share friends anymore.

‘I called New. He’s expecting me home soon’, Gun reminded her, ‘He gets annoyed if I’m late’

‘I’m sure he does. He’s a dad now’, Alice chuckled, ‘He’s getting stricter by the day’

‘I’m sure you’ll be like that once your baby’s born too’, Gun smiled. Despite being jealous, he was still delighted for her, especially since they’ve been trying for years now.

‘Hey, Alice! Can you come to the kitchen! I need your help’, before Alice could offer to walk him to his car, they heard Arm calling out to her, forcing her to part with Gun but not before she hugged him goodbye, stroking the back of his head before walking back to the kitchen.

‘Where did you park your car?’, Gun opened the front door, only to turn back when he heard Off’s voice, seeing the man standing by the hallway.

‘Down the end of the road’

‘Come on then’, Off sighed, walking past him as he left the house, ‘I’ll walk you down’

‘You don’t have to’, he called out, racing to catch up with Off who’s long strides meant he was already ahead of him. Gun fell silent as he walked beside the taller, looking down at his hands as he played with his car keys.

‘How’s your mum?’, Off began a conversation to Gun’s surprise, holding his breath when he listened to his calm voice.

‘She’s okay’, he replied, ‘She’s asking about you’

‘Have you told her?’

‘Not really’, Gun confessed, ‘She just thinks we’re having a hard time, so she’s giving out all the advice she can make up’

‘I told my dad’, Off informed him out of the blue. Gun stopped walking, clenching his fist till he felt his nails digging his skin. He looked at Off who was still walking, only stopping when he realised Gun wasn’t by his side anymore.

‘You told your dad that we’re…’

‘Yeah, what was I gonna tell him when he found out you weren’t living in the house anymore?’, he buried his bitterness with a hollow chuckle, sliding his hands in Arm’s sweatpants, ‘I had to tell him something’

‘What did he say?’

‘He told me I’m an idiot’, Off retorted, ‘I was an idiot for letting you leave in the first place. But then again, I didn’t have much of a say since you already took your stuff and left by the time I got home’

‘Don’t be stupid. You would’ve still let me go even if you were there’, Gun whispered back, looking down on the ground.

‘That’s true’, Off nodded and it wasn’t the answer Gun wanted to hear. In fact, he wanted Off to beg him to come back, ‘I know what it’s like to live in a house constantly on fire. I want you to have your space if that means you can breathe. Because that’s all I ever wanted’

Gun’s growing frustration began to simmer again when Off easily concluded what was best for him without asking. How did he think Gun was able to breathe now that he had space? Because, over the past couple of months, all he felt was suffocation.

‘Would it change your perspective if I told you that being with you was enough for me?’. Gun asked the two stood apart, with Off looking back at him, ‘Or do you think I need more space?’

‘Gun, I know what you wanna ask from me, but I’m not ready yet’, Off confessed, feeling his heartache when he saw the cracks breaking. Gun had always been strong, tough despite his nature to cry all the time, but maybe that was the difference between him and the shorter. Gun wasn’t afraid to show his true feelings in front of everyone whereas he would rather become someone else than for that to happen.

‘I love you’, Gun whispered, but the wind carried his voice to Off, hearing those three words for the first time in a long time, ‘But it’s not going to be enough. If you’re not willing to tell me everything, then what’s the point of all of this? Am I not allowed to see my own husband cry?’

‘I don’t know how to’, it wasn’t like Off didn’t want to cry and scream out to the rest of the world how fucking stupid his whole life was, but all those years of burying everything in the sand, he forgot how to open it. Over the past couple of months, he’d tried his best to dig deeper, to cry at everything that was thrown at him that made him fall, but he just couldn’t. He trained himself so hard not to cry, it was impossible to untangle the embedded chains he wrapped around his mind.

‘What were you doing in Phuket then?’, Gun asked him, the question popping out of his mind. He still didn’t believe Frank but when Off’s expression changed, even for a split second, he knew the boy wasn’t lying anymore.

‘I… How did you know?’

‘What were you doing there?’, Gun asked again, ignoring the stutter in his voice and pressing on when he realised how nervous Off was.

‘I went to visit someone’

‘Who?’

‘I can’t tell you that’

‘Who?’, Gun asked again, stomping closer so that there was little space between them, ‘Who did you meet?’

‘Just someone’

‘I swear to god Off, if you don’t tell me who it is…’. Gun didn’t finish his sentence, he couldn’t. He could threaten Off with a thousand ultimatum, but he didn’t have the guts to, because he knew that even if Off didn’t tell him, he still couldn’t bring himself to finish something he didn’t want to end.

‘Just someone’, was Off’s last reply and for a moment, Gun’s heart sunk and he pushed Off out of the way, walking over to his car and refusing to look back. The secrets and lack of communication were slowly driving him insane and he couldn’t do it anymore. He trusted Off, but no matter how patient he was, too many unanswered questions continued to be left hanging in the air, like pollution which made him choke until he could no longer breath. Gun left Off standing in the middle of the road looking at his car as he drove away.

He pressed the call button on his car, letting his phone ring through the speakers.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey, it’s Gun’, he replied as soon as he heard his voice, ‘So, about that drink…’


	9. Eight.

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

It’s been a long time since Gun had found himself in the club, almost to the point where the loud bass was driving him insane. But he pushed through it, ordering another shot of vodka, downing the bitter taste in one swift motion.

‘Woah, looks like you still know how to drink’, Jay laughed at him as he sat down next to him, looking at the way Gun bit on the lime before taking another drink, ‘Slow down tiger. You’ll get drunk in no time’

‘That’s the point’, Gun stammered, his vision blurred, waves of strobe lights making his head spin a little.

‘I don’t mean to pry, but is it something to do with that?’, Jay asked, pointing at his wedding ring. He gurgled a little when the vodka threatened to climb back up from his stomach, but he coughed and laughed it out. He stretched his hand out, staring at the golden ring on his finger laughing at how absurd it looked on him.

‘I don’t even wanna talk about him’, Gun said to Jay, but he still looked at his ring, seemingly he couldn’t take his eyes off it, because deep down, it’s all he wanted to talk about. He wanted to ask Off why he didn’t trust him enough to tell him everything that was eating him up, but he also wanted to ask himself why he didn’t push on early on. He’d seen how closed off his husband had been a long time ago, but why did he ignore it and hoped the man was just going to tell him in the future. Maybe if he pushed a little harder, they wouldn’t be here.

‘Well, if you don’t wanna talk, why don’t we just have fun tonight?’, Jay suggested, reaching out to cover the ring with his hands as he held onto Gun, dragging him from the bar and towards the dancefloor.

‘I should probably go’, Gun murmured to himself, feeling his mind slowly lose control, the alcohol taking over his system, ‘New’s waiting for me’

‘Come on, let’s just have a bit of fun. It’s been a long time and I’ve missed you’

‘You have?’, Gun swayed his body side to side. He couldn’t even stand up straight so he had no choice but to rely on Jay who held onto him. It felt nice for someone to miss him, even if it’s not the person he wished. But with the flashing lights and vodka, when he looked up, Jay’s face blurred so perfectly into Off’s. He only realised how closely they resembled when they were at the dancefloor. The only difference is that his husband hated the smell of sweaty bodies in the club and would avoid it at all cost. With Jay, he could dance whenever he wanted in the midst of drunk strangers, laughing and acting like a fool without a care in the world. And for a split second, he missed it.

* * *

**February 2022**

‘Hey, P’Off’

‘Where’s Gun. He isn’t picking up his calls’

‘He’s at the club’

‘What?’, Off almost hit the brakes when Pluem answered him and he wanted to shout at his husband for sneaking off to the club when he’d been waiting all night for him to come home, ‘What the hell is he doing in a club?’

‘He lost a big investor’, Pluem explained to him when he made a swift turn, changing directions from his husband’s work office to a night club, ‘He’s not taking it well’

‘I can tell’, Off mumbled to himself. Gun’s always been a sore loser, but especially when it came to his work. He valued himself as efficient and productive, so this must’ve really pissed him off, ‘Why didn’t you stop him?’

‘I thought he needed the break. He’d been working non stop these past few months and…’, Pluem was scared of Off and it didn’t matter if they were talking over the phone, he could already picture Off’s frustrated expression and it stopped him from finishing his sentence, ‘I just thought he might need this’

Off tried not to get pissed. He really did, but there was a clear difference between him and his husband and he couldn’t understand it. Whenever he had a bad day, he’d take a deep breath, close his eyes and count to ten before carrying on. Gun, on the other hand, needed the whole world to know that he had a shit day, screaming and shouting until all the anger was left in his system. He was sure it must feel good for the latter, but for everyone else, it was just noise.

By the time he arrived to the club, it was overflowing with drunkards, screaming the words of the lyrics as they form some sort of mosh pit in the middle of the dancefloor. As if it wasn’t humid outside, it felt like a hot oven inside. Off contemplated whether to walk in or not, but when he got a text from Pluem confirming that he was at the right club, he quickly raced in, pushing past strangers as he made his way to the dancefloor.

How the fuck was he supposed to find Gun in the middle of the crowd?

That question was pretty much useless the moment he realised his husband commanded attention wherever he was, and he instantly spotted Gun dancing in the middle of the dancefloor, getting a shout out from the DJ who shed a spotlight just for him.

Gun was still in his work clothes, but his tie was wrapped around his head, his shirt open as he swayed to the rhythm of the music, shouting the words as he attempted to sing along. He had a glass of alcohol in his hand and Off couldn’t help but sigh and cross his arm for a minute, just staring at his husband.

He had waited for three hours in their dining room with the takeaway that had gone cold as he watched the clock tick by. And here he was losing control.

‘Off Jumpol! Oh, thank God you’re here!’, his name was shouted behind him, and thankfully he heard it despite the blaring music and he turned back to see Jingjing racing to him.

‘Jingjing, why’re you here? Shouldn’t you be on holiday?’, he asked.

‘Gun called me and he sounded drunk. I was trying to get him home but he won’t leave’

‘Does he always do this?’, he asked her and Jingjing couldn’t help but laugh at him.

‘Whenever things go wrong’, she added and she was profoundly confused as to why Off was still standing by the bar instead of pulling his husband away and dragging him out of the club. She knew that if her boyfriend saw her dancing like Gun, an argument would ensue. She was surprised by how calm Off was, ‘Are you gonna go get him?’

‘No, he’s having the time of his life’, Off chuckled, even though he was still agitated, ‘Why don’t I walk you out and wait with you for a cab?’

‘You would do that?’, Jingjng asked and Off just smiled back at him.

‘It’s getting late and it’s dangerous outside. Come on, let’s go’

* * *

‘You’re pissed at Gun, aren’t you?’, Jingjing asked as they sat down on the pavement, her legs stretched out onto the road as they listened to the muffled noises from the club.

‘Of course, I am’, Off sighed, stretching his legs out to join her, ‘But I supposed this is his way of being sad. Who am I to tell him he’s wrong?’

‘Wow’, Jingjing laughed as she rested her head on his shoulder, ‘How lucky is he to bag a husband like you’, she commented, ‘Most of his exes got into fights with him because of his behaviour’

Jingjing had grown fond of her best friend’s husband, especially when he looked like he wasn’t forced to hang out with her to gain her approval, but because he was genuinely interested in getting to know her. They may not be close, but there was unspoken respect between the two of them.

‘You’re allowed to get mad at him, by the way’, Jingjing pointed out, ‘I mean just because you’re married to him doesn’t mean you should excuse his behaviour. When he gets home, make sure to shout at him, okay?’

‘Why is it, you’re only asking me to do that on your behalf?’, Off laughed, looking down when Jingjing smirked at him, placing a finger on her lips as she shushed him. She got a notification on her phone, telling her that her cab was closed by, so she stood up, wiping the dirt from her jeans as she smiled up at Off.

‘You’re his husband. There’s more chance that he’ll listen to you than me’, Jingjing said to him before getting in the cab, ‘I know you’ll take care of Gun, so I’m asking you a favour. Make him stop this’

* * *

After dropping off Jingjing, he went back to the club, this time noticing how tired Gun looked, so he took this chance to push until he arrived at the middle of the dancefloor. He gripped Gun’s wrist, pulling him out of the club before Gun could even utter another word.

‘Excuse me sir’, he hears his husband slur out strings of sentences that didn’t make sense. He also felt Gun’s fist punching his back, attempting to pull away from him, ‘Excuse me, but as you can see, I’m married’

Off turned around and to his surprise, Gun punched him on the face whilst waving his hand around, showing off his wedding ring.

‘Don’t touch me, otherwise, I’ll have my husband kill you’, he threatened him, but Off rolled his eyes and stood up, licking his lip and tasting blood.

‘Gun, I’m your husband’, he reminded the drunk Gun. He stretched his hand out and showed off the ring matching he former’s and Gun squinted his eyes, smiling when he reached out and held it.

‘Ah, that ring looks exactly like my husband’s!’

‘For the love of God’, Off whispered to himself, ‘That’s it, you’re coming home with me’, Off lifted Gun off his feet, carrying him bridal style as he ignored Gun’s shouting, carrying him to back to the car.

‘Off! Help me!’

‘How drunk did you get?’, Off laughed when he sat Gun in the passenger seat, kneeling on the hot cement floor as he brushed back his sweaty hair from his face. His flushed face was bright red and he was burning a little, so he turned the windows down, putting on his seatbelt before placing a soft kiss on his forehead.

‘Off?’, Gun tried to open his eyes, but his nauseating head was too strong. He recognised those soft lips anywhere, ‘Off?’, he called out to his husband again and when he heard another door shutting, the silence finally calming down his busy mind, he took the chance to open his eyes.

‘Feeling better?’, he saw Off beside him, wiping his sweat with the ends of his sleeves, ‘Here, have some water’

He felt something cold push past his parted lips and he almost gasped in delight at the touch of water, gulping it all down in one go until he was breathless. Just as he felt the tip of the water bottle leaving his lips, he reached his hand out to grab Off’s hands.

‘Don’t go’, he slurred, ‘I’m sorry’

‘At least you know how to apologise’, Off chuckled, but he felt sorry for Gun who looked tired and he kept holding onto his hand as he drove them back home.

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

‘Off, Gun’s not home’

‘What do you mean he’s not home?’

‘I mean, this bitch texted me that he was coming back from your place, but it’s been two hours and he’s not here’

_Fuck._

Off should’ve known Gun wouldn’t come back after their argument, but he had hoped that man was too pissed to go anywhere else but back to their friend’s house. He rushed out of the bed and opened his laptop, scanning FindMyiPhone to where Gun’s phone was saved and looking through the locations.

‘For fuck’s sake’, Off sighed when he immediately recognised the street Gun was in, opening the drawer to grab his car keys. It was late and he didn’t want to wake Arm and Alice, so he changed into sweatpants and his work shirt and slipped out of the house to his car.

He probably shouldn’t have let him go like that. Not when Gun was fuming. Or maybe he should’ve told him everything right there and then. But what use would that be? It wouldn’t excuse the growing detachment they both felt towards each other and he didn’t want to use it as an excuse for his behaviour. It was a cop-out and he wanted to explain it to Gun fully, owning up to his lack of effort towards their marriage without the need to excuse it.

* * *

**January; 2024**

‘Hey! P’Off, you’re back!’, he heard Frank shouting his name as soon as he arrived at his home. He wanted to shout at Gun for giving Frank the passcode to their house since he’d been visiting nonstop for the past month, but instead, he ignored the teenager as he threw his keys on the pot beside the front entrance, rushing to his room.

He didn’t know what to pack, but all he knew is he needed a backpack and maybe a couple of things because he didn’t know how long he’ll be out for.

‘P’Off? Are you going somewhere?’, Frank, who clearly didn’t know how to take a hint, followed his Uncle and opened the door to his room to find the adult scrambling around the room, taking whatever shirt was in his reach and stuffing it in his bag, ‘P’Gun isn’t back from work yet, but he said I could come and welcome you back. I microwaved some takeaway’

‘Frank, don’t tell anyone where I’m going, but I’ll be gone for a few more days’, Off turned back to inform the teenager, ‘Just say I was called for business or something’

‘But are you?’, he asked and when Off gave him a blank stare, he knew the adult was lying.

‘I’m not lying to my dads’, he called out and Off started to laugh. He stopped packing and turned to face him.

'You’re calling them dad now?’

‘Yeah, because you told me to’, Frank reminded him, ‘And you told me not to lie to them anymore’

‘Of all days to follow my advice, you pick now?’, Off raised his voice, showing his growing frustration to which Frank took a step back, his smile fading when he recognised the expression on Off’s face, the same one he always saw in every adult he encountered. He fisted his hands in retaliation and Off immediately noticed it.

He took a deep breath, counting to three as he tried again, looking at the teenager.

‘I’m sorry’, he said to him, ‘I’m a little overwhelmed at the moment. I’m sorry for taking it out on you’

Frank’s never had an adult apologise to him, so he immediately went soft, breaking down his walls and looking up at him.

‘Where’re you going?’

‘Phuket’

‘Why?’

‘To meet with someone’

‘Are you gonna cheat on P’Gun?’, he asked, ‘Because I really like him and I don’t want him to get hurt’

‘No, I’m not’, Off reassured him, ‘I just need to do this for myself. Remember how New and Tay said they'll give you space if you need it?’

‘But you already went to London’, Frank tilted his head in confusion, ‘I thought that was your space?’

‘I need more’, Off faked a smile at him, ‘So tell them I’m on business for a couple of days and I’ll be back soon’

‘But Gun’s excited to see you’, Frank pointed out when he watched Off continue to pack his backpack, noticing him pack his wallet and his passport too, ‘He was telling me he was going to surprise you with dinner’

‘He can do that once I get back from my business trip’

‘But he was expecting you today’

‘Frank, please’, Off pinched the bridge of his nose when the boy continued to ask him numerous questions. He wanted to ask his friends why they would foster a teenager when they were still in their thirties and living young because now, they all had to collectively worry about this kid, ‘Let me sort this out first’

‘My real mum left me like this too’, Frank said, his voice faltering to a whisper when a wave of déjà vu hit him, ‘She was rushing around and telling me she was just going to work, but I didn’t know why she would be packing all of her stuff if she was only going to work… She didn’t come back home and I was alone for a week. It wasn’t until a neighbour called social services was, I picked up and dropped off at a centre’

‘Frank, I’m not going to leave Gun’, Off said to the boy, ‘He’s the last person I wanna leave right now’

‘I believe you’, Frank whispered, ‘I’ve never seen anyone more in love and I’ve lived with a lot of adults’, Off wondered where all the courage could come from, seeing as Frank so easily told his story to him without a stutter or a shred of nervousness. It made him jealous for a second.

‘I’ll be back’, he smiled and walked over, stroking his hair, ‘Take care of Gun for me. Okay?’

‘Okay’

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

Off rushed inside the club, his head spinning around as he turns in search of his husband. He looked down at his watch and saw how late it was on a workday. He needed to drop Gun off now, otherwise, he won’t be able to wake up for work.

He contemplated whether to call Jingjing, but if New didn’t know where he was, he was sure Jingjing also wouldn’t be able to find him here in a two-story club, dark with nothing but annoying flashing lights giving him direction or any form of sight.

_Gun, where are you?_

He rushed to the bar, scanning each face just in case he spotted Gun drinking, but he knew the attempt was futile. When Gun was in the club, he doesn’t go there to just drink. He slowly turned to the dancefloor, disheartened at the amount of people dancing.

‘It’s a weekday, don’t these bastards have work?’, he asked himself, but there was no point talking to himself. He rushed in the middle of the dancefloor, grabbing anyone that resembled his husband, spinning them around and looking at their faces. He got dirty glares because of it, strings of curses and even a few punches in the arm for his sudden touches.

‘Gun?!’, he began to shout when he couldn’t find him, ‘Gun Atthaphan?!’, he was rushing at this point, nervous as he pushed past another crowd, bumping into people.

‘Shit! Oh, Mr Adulkittiporn, you’re here?’

Off furrowed his brow, squinting when he heard his name being called, ‘Mr Pibulsonggram, what’re you doing here?’, he recognised the tall man from earlier today. He was the new artist that they’ve recently signed under their company. He remembered Mild making fun out of his multiple ear piercings and cocky look.

‘I’m catching up with an old friend’, he smiled and he raised both his hands, holding two bottles of beers, ‘I haven’t seen him in years’

‘Ah, well good for you’, Off nodded, but his eyes still scanned across the dancefloor, searching for his husband.

‘Jay! Jay! Where are you?!’

‘Ah, there he is now. I better go’, he nodded at Off and began to walk away, but when the latter followed his direction, he closed his eyes and breathed out, counting to ten before opening it again to confirm that the voice that called out his artist’s name was none other than the man he was looking for.

Gun was pissed off his face, a stain on his white shirt which could be vomit or alcohol, at this point it could most likely be both. He saw the way Gun leaned on Jaylerr, resting his head on the latter’s shoulder as he tripped over his own feet, too drunk to even stand.

‘Gun Atthaphan!’, he called out, splitting the crowd as he interrupted the two men, ‘I think it’s time to go home’

‘Off?’. Gun squinted his eyes and pointed at him, ‘You look just like Off’

‘Because I am’, Off replied, reaching his hand to grab Gun’s wrist, but the latter persisted, pulling back.

‘If you really are Off, then I don’t wanna go with you’, he pouted, clutching on Jay’s arm instead who stood between them with round eyes as he slowly put the pieces together.

‘Wait… Your husband is…’, he pointed at the man he had met early in the morning after he entered the company building, ‘You?’

‘Off, do you remember Jay my ex?’, Gun smiled smugly as he rested his head on the latter’s head, ‘He’s right here. Can you believe it?’

 _Jay._ He recognised that name during late-night conversations, but he didn’t think the man Gun was with would be the man he’s responsible for.

‘No, I can’t’, Off sighed, ‘But you need to go home. You have work tomorrow and-’

‘It’s okay, I’ll stay at Jay’s’, Gun replied and the two waited for Off’s reply, but all he did was stood in front of them, his eyes lingering to the hands which wrapped itself around Jay.

‘It’s up to you’, Off shouted above the music. He looked so calm despite seeing his husband with someone else, but deep down inside, he was dying and it took all his sanity to stop himself from punching Jay in the face, ‘Do you wanna stay here with Jay or leave with me? I’m not gonna force you’

‘Are you insane?’, just those words were enough to sober Gun up as he looked at his husband, ‘You’re gonna let me go home with someone else?’

‘And what do you want me to do? Do you want me to punch him right here and drag you out of the club against your will? Are we still in our twenties?’

‘The least you can do is pretend to act jealous’, Gun spat back at him.

‘What makes you think I’m not? I’m here looking for you, aren’t I?’, Gun wanted a rom-com out of him. He wanted Off to be screaming and making a scene, professing his love in front of a crowd of drunkards, but this was reality. And the reality was if he punched Jay, he was going to get kicked out of the club and maybe fired for punching their new talent, ‘Gun, just come home, please?’

‘Not with you’, Gun slurred out, stealing the bottle out of Jay’s hand and downing it in one go, the alcohol trickling down the side of his lips.

‘Jaylerr, he has work tomorrow’, Off reaching his hand out to pat the man, ‘Take him home for me’

‘Are you serious?’, Jay chuckled, ‘You’re not even going to fight for him? Well, I guess that makes my job easy’

Off wanted to go back on his word and punch Jay, but he had morals. He faked a smile and grabbed Gun’s wrist, finally using his strength to pull Gun to him.

‘I’m trying to be nice for my husband’s sake, not yours’, Off glared at him, tightening his grip when attempted to squirm out, ‘So don’t think I’m playing nice’

‘Then why is he here with me and not you?’, and Off realised what Mild was talking about when he saw the former’s smug expression.

‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow’, Off nodded to him, walking with his husband.

‘Off, let go, you’re hurting me’, Gun whined, trying to pull his wrist off him, but he just tightened his grip.

What were you doing with him?’, Off asked as soon as they reached outside, a touch of cold air hitting them when he turned and glared down at him.

‘Not like you would come with me’, Gun looked down on the floor like a kid being told off, ‘You hate clubbing’

‘I’d rather be in the worst place with you than have somebody else taking care of you’, Off pointed out, ‘And you have work in three hours. How do you suppose to sober up by then?’

‘Stop! Just stop!’, Gun shouted, massaging his forehead with his hands, ‘I’m so sick and tired of you telling me what to do when you don’t do anything I ask of you. It’s unfair and I’m sick and tired of it!’

‘Gun, let’s talk about this some other time’

‘No. I’m done waiting for you to talk to me. If I knew you were gonna be like this, I wouldn’t have married you’

It struck to Off that whatever Gun threw at him over the past couple of months, it didn’t hurt him as much as what Gun shouted to him at this moment. Gun was tired, and he could tell. He felt his skin burn at the words which played in his mind over and over again until counting to ten wasn’t enough for him.

‘Let’s get you home’, Off whispered, because any higher and Gun might notice his voice break, ‘New’s waiting for you’

And just like that, Gun collapsed from fatigue, falling in Off’s arms despite his hatred for the man.

Off, on the other hand, couldn’t help but embrace him, standing alone in the middle of the dark road as he smelt the alcohol all over his clothes. He hugged him tighter, resting his chin on his head and for a moment he didn’t want to move forward. He wanted to go back, right to the start when he first met Gun. He wanted to try again, but this time, he wanted to do it right.

But there was no such thing as a time machine, so Off dragged Gun to his car, brushing his hair back and wiping his face with the sleeves of his shirt before putting on the aircon and starting the car.

* * *

**February 2022**

Gun woke up with a banging headache and a sore stomach. He tasted something acidic in his mouth and when the floods of last night’s memories came back, he groaned in regret, feeling his hangover.

‘You awake?’, he squinted his eyes, his head hurting when the sun hits him, but he still saw Off holding a tray of food, making his way to their bedroom, ‘Last night was a mess’

‘I’m so sorry’, he managed to mumble out, his voice broken and squeaking due to the alcohol and vomit, ‘I had a bad day’

‘I know you did, Pluem told me everything’, Off smiled, sitting down on one of the chairs as he laid Gun’s breakfast down on his lap. He stroked Gun’s hair away, brushing through whilst massaging his head, making Gun lean a little deeper onto him, ‘You could’ve told me. You had me waiting all night for you’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun whispered again, sitting up and groaning at the movement. He felt like shit and he knew his hangover wasn’t going away any time soon.

‘I’ll only accept your apology under one condition’, Off said to him, forcing Gun to stare at him as he grabbed a spoon, looking at him with wide eyes.

‘What is it?’

‘Never do it again’, Off asked him, ‘If you’re ever in a bad mood, or having a shit day, just call me and we’ll drive off somewhere so you can scream it all out’

‘Off, I don’t want you to waste your time doing that’

‘Well, I wasted my night trying to get you home and cleaning the sick off our floor’, he reminded Gun to which the latter was too embarrassed to even look at Off, but when he felt his hands rest on his chin, forcing him to look up, he only saw Off’s calm face. There was no anger, no signs of irritation like what he usually gets when he woke up drunk, ‘I’d rather be with you than have to see you in a mess, okay?’

Gun couldn’t help but form a smile on his face and he nodded, patting the space next to him for Off to lay in as they spent their morning eating breakfast in bed, Gun blushing profusely as Off reminded him of the mess he made last night.

‘Gun Atthaphan, you still can’t hold your drink well’

‘Shut up’


	10. Nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: anxiety attack/institutionalised homophobia

**London; 2017**

Off decided to spend the summer with his mother during summer break instead of going to Spain with his friends. He didn’t know why. Ever since he started college, it was as if it was a pointless wish to try and reconnect with his mother who he moved to London for. Their family counselling only lasted for a couple of months before his mother texted him that she had cancelled their sessions due to money, but he knew that was a lie. She never bothered to try and open up and he slowly gave up too.

But he decided to try one last time.

His mother had a new boyfriend. He worked in a bank and he was different from his dad. In looks and personality, which wasn’t a big deal to him. The big deal was that they didn’t get along. In hindsight, it wasn’t his fault that his mother forgets to mention she had a fucking son whilst she was dating him, so when he knocked at her door with his luggage, it ensued a fight which he was blamed for.

‘How could you not tell him that you had a son?’, Off argued with her when she crossed her arms and glared at him.

‘I didn’t know you’d be staying here’, she sighed, ‘You never stay here over the summer’

‘Is it a crime if I wanna spend some time with my own mother?’

‘Yes, if that meant you’re gonna ruin everything again’

‘How have I ruined things for you?’, Off stood up, perpetually pissed at the victim-blaming his mum loved doing, ‘What the hell did I do?’

‘Your existence alone has caused me too much’, she shouted back and that was enough to send Off back to the place he didn’t wanna go back on. He always thought his mum hated him, but he never could pinpoint why. Was it because he looked too much like his father? Was his presence a waking reminder that someone had broken her to the point of pure hatred even to her own son? He just couldn’t understand why he had to be added into the mix.

‘I never asked to be born’, Off whispered back at her, ‘And may I remind you that you were the one who asked me to come to London with you’

‘And you think I’d let your dad, have you?’, she snorted, rolling her eyes, ‘He’s already got the house and his stupid parents’ inheritance’

‘So, I’m just an object then?’, Off called out her, ‘I’m your last fuck you to dad before you left him?’

_Is there a reason for you to stay?_

A soft voice entered his mind out of nowhere. It was hazy and shrouded and for a moment, he couldn’t recognise it, but when he did, he realised he made a mistake. He only had one reason to leave his home and it was due to his desperation for a mother figure, but now that he found out his attempt to reconnect was futile, he realised he had more reasons to stay.

‘Do what you want’, Off sighed, giving up as he picked up his luggage and bass case, ‘But I’m not gonna be used by you to get back at dad. I would love to, but I’m not an object’, as quickly as he came in, he rushed back out, rushing to call his friends just in case they were still in London on their way to Spain.

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

Gun wore sunglasses to work and he got a lot of stares for it. He didn’t want any of his colleagues to know he had bloodshot eyes and a banging headache from the light. Last night was regrettable to say the least, especially when he woke up in shock whilst Tay splashed his face with freezing cold water, a glare on his face. New wouldn’t even talk to him when he came downstairs. It was all a mess.

‘Hey, you okay?’, Miss Tatchakorn asked when she knocked on his office door, handing him the files and watching him bang his forehead on his desk.

‘I’m good’, Gun replied with a hoarse voice, clearly indicating that he wasn’t okay. Miss Tatchakorn wanted to ask Gun more, but she decided not to, especially since she knew how cranky he gets when he’s disturbed, so she bowed her head and left the office.

‘Hey P’Gun’, he heard another knock on his office and he wanted to throw a pencil at the next person who tried to disturb him.

‘What?’, he whined as he looked up, seeing Pluem walk in.

‘P’Off called me this morning’, the young man smiled at him, placing something on his desk, ‘He told me to give you these’

Gun took of his sunglasses and looked down at the packet of ibuprofen and a cup of tea. Despite his drunken state, he remembered most of what happened, feeling the cool aircon in the car as Off drove him back to New’s place. He remembered getting swept off his feet as he wrapped his arms around him, being carried back to bed, turned over with a bin on the side when he started throwing up.

_‘Don’t let him sleep on his back. He might choke on his own vomit’_

He remembered Off’s voice in hushed tones, whispering to Tay or maybe New, that part he couldn’t remember, but Off’s voice was so vivid in his head that it hurt.

‘Tough night?’, Pluem asked, but Gun didn’t answer, just waving the paralegal out of his office. He looked down at packet, turning it over to see a post-it-note pasted on the back with Off’s messy handwriting.

_Don’t look at the screen too much. It’ll hurt your head._

‘Bastard’, he whispered to himself, taking off the note and scrunching it to the ball, throwing it in the bin, ‘Bastard’, he kept on whispering to himself, but he took the pills and drank his tea before starting work, the distraction of Off filling his mind.

* * *

**March; 2022**

‘We’re thinking of adopting’

Off spat out his drink the moment the announcement left his best friend’s lips. Alice started to laugh at his reaction and soon everyone else joined in.

‘What’s so funny about that?’, New glared at his friends, ‘I think we’re ready’

‘You’ve only been married a year’, Arm pointed out, ‘Don’t you think it would be better to wait a couple more years? I mean look at Alice and I. We’re not rushing into things’

‘That’s because you’re a hetero’, Tay mumbled, pouring himself a drink, ‘It takes years to get us approved to even be assessed for adoption. It only takes you nine months’

‘Fair point’, Mild nodded, drinking her cocktail as they sat outside the bar, overlooking the beach. It had been a long time since they all took a day off and met up and after hours of group chats, last-minute cancellations and readjusting schedules, they managed to pick a perfect day where they could all meet up for lunch away from the city and the smell of smoke, ‘Lucky for us, it also takes nine months and a sperm donor’, she pointed to herself and Jane, everyone else groaning as she explained the process in full gory detail.

‘Aren’t we all a bit too young to be having kids?’, Off pointed out, being the only person sensible to note that they were all still in their twenties, albeit, they’ll soon be turning thirty, but even then it still sounded weird that some of them were already preparing at the aspects of being parents.

‘When do you want kids then?’, Gun asked him suddenly, ‘I don’t wanna wait too long for it’

‘Oooh’, the rest of the group chuckled when Off was put on a tough spot, waiting patiently for his answer.

‘I mean, maybe in a few years’ time’, Off pointed out, ‘But not in the near future’

‘A few years’ time _is_ the near future Off’, Gun raised a suspicious brow, ‘Don’t tell me you’re backing out on having kids’

‘Of course, not’, Off reached his hand out and held onto Gun’s, ‘I’m just saying maybe in five years. We both gotta focus on our careers first’

‘I can always work from home’, Gun admitted, ‘It wouldn’t sound too bad to build a home office’

‘Where are we gonna fit a home office? You already used the spare bedroom as a closet’, Off chuckled at the last part, but all he got was a glare back from his husband.

‘Why don’t we buy a house?’

‘Every time we meet up, why is it, the two of them are arguing as if we aren’t here?’, Alice whispered to the group, waving her hand to ask the waiter for another drink.

‘Beats me’, Jane sighed, ‘They’re just lucky Fiat and Mike couldn’t make it today, otherwise they’re going to be roasted’

‘Gun, we can’t afford a house’

‘Yes, we can’, Gun said, ‘We’ve got enough in our savings for a small house maybe a little out of the city’

‘You can always get your dad to buy you a house’, Tay pitched in, despite Off glaring at him to stop, ‘He’ll buy you anything at this point’

‘Rich people suck’, Mild whined, being reminded of how loaded her friend was. It’s been known since high school that Off got everything he asked and even his old house was famous for being massive.

‘Gun, why don’t we talk about it some other time, okay?’, Off wanted to end the conversation and thankfully Gun complied, nodding his head and eating his meal. It wasn’t like Off was against the change, he just preferred the constant they were in. It felt nice and he didn’t want to change anything yet. Plus, it was true that without his dad’s help, he only had a humble income compared to Gun and mortgaging a house seemed like hell and a lot of paperwork. A house would pinch his savings for sure.

‘Now, back to me’, Tay tapped on the table, getting everyone to look back at him, ‘We’re thinking of adopting a baby girl, so we’re open to name suggestions’

‘How about Alice?’, Alice joked, but when New said he was thinking about it, her heart immediately lightened and she smiled brightly at the couple. Everyone else threw ridiculous names for jokes, Tay shouting back at them.

‘Lemon!’

‘Peach!’

‘My future baby is not fruit!’

The rest of the group started to laugh, making fun out of Tay but also being excited for him. He was still immature and acted like a kid, but that didn’t stop them from believing that Tay would make an excellent father.

‘I can tell already who’s the cool dad and who’s the strict one’, Jane commented as they watched New tell Tay off for eating to much sugar, making everyone else cackle again.

Off, on the other hand, was busy thinking. He was sure Gun wanted to move forward along with the rest of his friends, especially when they found out Mild and Jane was going to buy a house too, and he wondered what was stopping him. He’d been pretty open about everything so far, even marrying Gun only after a year since they became official, but there was something in the back of his head that was slowly gripping onto his thought process, and he didn’t know why.

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

Gun walked out of his office after a long day of work, and he really meant long. He had to drink coffee pretty much every hour, eat a shit ton of food before every meeting just in case his hangover came back. It was unprofessional and he knew everyone else in the room could tell he wasn’t there mentally. He apologised to them at the end of the meeting, packing up and heading to the car park.

He probably needed to apologise to New too, for causing such a mess in his house in the middle of the night.

‘Hey, Gun’

Just before he made it to the car park, his name was called by someone and when he turned around his heart dropped.

‘Jay’, he faked a smile, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘You told me where you worked’, he explained, walking towards him with a leather jacket and ripped jeans. He dressed exactly how he did when they were together and he didn’t know whether he should be amused or judgemental, ‘I remembered the name and it seemed like you still work at the same law firms’

‘Well, you know me’, Gun joked, ‘I like stability’

‘It seems so’, Jay smiled at him, but he didn’t wanna entertain the man anymore.

‘Look, about last night… I should never have called you’, Gun admitted, tapping his leg nervously, ‘It was stupid of me’

‘No, I’m glad you did’, Jay said, ‘It looked like you needed me’

‘I don’t’, Gun replied quickly, ‘I needed my husband, and he was there, so… I’m just sorry for putting you in the middle’

‘You said you were gonna get a divorce’, Jay pointed out, and once again, the word bitterly ran down his mind like poison. He didn’t like it one bit, ‘And by the looks of it, maybe you need to’

‘My marriage is none of your business’, Gun pointed back, agitated that he was commenting about something he didn’t know anything about, ‘I was being nice to you, but that doesn’t mean I’m letting you talk shit about my husband’

‘Look, I’m sorry’, Jay raised his hands up in surrender, ‘I’m sorry. I just… Wanted to make sure you’re okay’

‘I’m fine’, Gun nodded at him, he looked down on his watch and pretended to be in a rush, ‘Okay, if that’s all, I guess I better be going’

‘Actually’, Jay reached out his hand to hold onto his arm, stopping him from leaving, ‘I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner’

‘I may not get along with my husband at the moment, but I’m still kinda married’, Gun reminded him, but it only made the former laugh.

‘I know’, he chuckled, ‘But that doesn’t mean we can’t have dinner as friends’

‘We were never friends Jay’, Gun reminded him, ‘In fact, it’ll look even weirder if someone saw me with an ex’

‘Why can’t we be friends now?’, Jay asked, ‘I mean it’s just dinner. Come on’

Call it peer pressure. Call it desperation to avoid a conversation with New. But in the end, Gun gave in and decided to just let Jay have this one dinner. He also needed to apologise and explain to him what happened last night anyway, so he thought this would be a perfect time.

* * *

‘Jay?! Do you mean Jaylerr?! The dick that I’m in charge with?!’, Off covered Mild’s mouth before she could continue shouting in the breakroom.

‘Can you keep quiet?’, Off hissed at her, ‘I don’t want anyone else here knowing’

‘And you were gonna let him take Gun home?! Are you asking to be cheated one?!’, Mild shouted at him, grabbing his hair and tugging it, making him whine at the pain.

‘Look, I don’t like shouting, so I try not to get into fights’

‘Fights can be healthy’, Mild pointed out, ‘You sometimes need to clear the air and unbag some buried tension. It’s therapeutic’

‘Shouting at each other is therapeutic?’, Off furrowed his brow at her odd logic, ‘My childhood trauma begs to differ’

‘I’m just saying, avoiding fights means burying feelings and when you bury feelings, it explodes like a nuclear bomb’, Mild explained to him, ‘Which is why Gun is exploding! You did this to him’

‘You’re telling me that I tried doing the opposite of what my parents did but the results are still the same?’, now it was Off’s turn to raise his voice in frustration, ‘What’s the point of me trying then?’

‘You’re so fixated on not repeating your parents’ mistakes that you failed to realise your relationship with Gun is completely different, which means you shouldn’t always compare it. Now he’s hanging out with some cocky douchebag with way too many piercings’

‘I don’t want to control him’, Off confessed. His memory was hazy, especially when he was young, but he remembered a few arguments that his parents had and whilst he sat on the floor, opening his door and listening to the shouting, he remembered vague pieces of fights. They were too controlling of each other, commanding each other what to do, what not to do, who to hang out with and what to wear.

He slowly realised, the more he tried to control Gun, the more he was going to lash out, so he let him be. He never asked him where he spent the night or who he spent it with, nor did he shout at Gun when he didn’t tell him about his day. Even if he was curious, he would always ask Gun’s co-workers instead of Gun himself, because he didn’t know what to do if the man exploded at him.

‘Jay’s bad news’, Mild reminded him, sipping her coffee, ‘I can feel it in my bones’

‘What else is there for me to do?’, Off sighed, sipping his coffee and letting the hot liquid burn his tongue, ‘All I could do is trust Gun’

‘And do you?’, Mild turned to face him, ‘Do you think he won’t get sick of you and leap at the next person who gives him attention?’

‘I don’t know’

‘Off, for the love of God, fight for him’, Mild whined when her friend was still not budging. She wanted to grab a baseball bat and hit Off in the head with it, ‘Otherwise, I won’t even feel sorry for you if Gun cheats’

* * *

**March; 2022**

They made it back to their apartment after spending the whole day with their friends. The rest of the day had been spent drinking and singing badly at the karaoke bar, so by the time Off came back home, his voice was already breaking.

‘Hey, I’m gonna wash up first’, Gun called out to him, his husband heading to the bathroom whilst Off sat on the sofa. He was tired as he listened to the shower running from across the hall.

Off suddenly felt his phone vibrating and when he looked down, the phone number was unknown.

‘Hello?’, he ended up picking up the phone anyway, ‘Who’s this?’

‘Off?’, the voice on the other side was feminine, calling out his name in a calm voice but his mind immediately recognised it and he was anything but calm.

‘Mum?’, his voice hitched and he felt his chest ache suddenly, ‘How did you get my number?’

‘Your father gave it to me’, she answered and the pain kept going until he felt his skin burning along with it. He gasped for air, biting down on his lip until he tasted blood.

‘What do you want’

‘I heard your married’, she pointed out before she replied to his question, ‘Wouldn’t it be a good idea to introduce her to me?’

He suddenly thought of Gun and his heart started to race fast, his face sweating and a sudden surge of panic making his frozen. His head was aching, he was breathing too fast and he was intaking too much oxygen. He knows this feeling before and he took off his jacket from the heat as he nervously stuttered to his mum.

‘Why’re you calling me?’, he asked again.

‘Is it a crime to ask how my son is? I’ve been curious about you. Your father said it would be a good idea to reconnect with you. He said you’ve been doing good’

‘Why were you talking to him? I thought the two of you can’t stand each other’, Off managed to string in sentences despite his heightening breath and his vision blurring for a moment.

‘It’s been years darling. Let the past be the past. You know what they say, que sera, sera’

‘I’m not introducing you to Gun’

‘Gun? A boy’s name?’, he could hear her sigh of disappointment, ‘I supposed I saw it coming’

‘I don’t wanna talk to you’, Off managed to gasp out, ‘I need to go’, and he hung up his phone, throwing it on the floor as he knelt down on the carpet, head pressed down as he closed his eyes. He held his breathe and counted to three.

_One, two, three._

His hands were quivering, shaking profusely and he felt a sense that he couldn’t even control his own body.

_One, two, three._

‘Off… Are you okay?’, he heard Gun’s voice coming towards him and he slowly felt himself lose control, ‘Hey, what’s going on? Off?’

‘Shut up! Just shut up for a minute!’, Off shouted back at him, shutting his eyes tight and breathing out again. He needed a couple of minutes, he couldn’t explain it to Gun when he couldn’t talk himself, so he breathed out again until hot tears were streaming down his closed eyes, his skin bright red.

Gun just stood there frozen, holding onto his damp towel. He didn’t know what Off was doing, but he was worried and all he wanted was to go to his husband, but Off kept shouting at him to stay back.

‘Shall I call someone? Do you need a medic?’, Gun kept asking, but Off ignored him. Silence filled the room and Gun slowly stopped hearing the gasping coming from his husband.

Off laid still for a couple of seconds until his hands stopped shaking and his breathing relaxed. He still had a headache, but he knew it was gonna go away soon, so he finally stood up, kneeling on the carpet as he turned to look at Gun’s distraught face.

‘What the hell just happened?’

‘Nothing’, Off simply replied, sitting up and massaging his elbows which were red due to the carpet burns, ‘It was just an anxiety attack’

‘ _Just_ an anxiety attack?’, Gun raised his voice at him, but when he looked at the state of him, he bit his lip and lowered his tone, ‘I don’t think you should be taking this lightly’

‘I’m fine. I know how to deal with it’, Off said, brushing off the topic which only made Gun worry.

‘Off, I think we need to talk about-’

‘It’s fine’, Off reached out and stroked his hands, reassuring him even though he was the one who needed reassurance, ‘I’m okay now, aren’t I?’

‘What happened? Why did you get an anxiety attack?’, Gun asked him, ‘Was it something I said?’

‘No, of course, not’, Off licked his lip to get rid of the blood, pulling Gun to a warm embrace, ‘It’s not about you, I promise’

‘Then what is it about?’, Off didn’t answer. Instead, he just hugged Gun tighter, resting his head against the latter’s shoulder.

In reality, Off was terrified. He was scared of introducing Gun to his mum because that was a past that he didn’t want to go back to. And when he found out she’s been looking for him, he knew he couldn’t run away and when the time comes, Gun was going to be broken by his mother too. If she could break her own son, torturing Gun would be a piece of cake to her. And that’s what scared him the most.

* * *

‘You spoke to her?!’, Off banged the door open, stomping in his old home to find his father calmly reading the newspaper, ‘Are you fucking insane?’

‘What the hell? Language son’, his dad looked up and glared at him.

‘I don’t care’, Off spat back at him, ‘Why would you speak to her? And give her my number?!’

‘She said she wanted to fix things up. Who am I to say no?’

‘Who are you to give her my number?’, Off shouted back, still enraged of fit from last night’s conversation, ‘And to tell her that I’m married, are you insane?!’

‘She said she missed you. I can’t lie to her’

‘Why’re you being nice to her? Of all times to finally be nice to her, you choose now?’

‘I don’t want to be held by the past’, his dad admitted, folding his newspaper and standing up to face his son, ‘It ate me up and I’m sure it’s eating you up to. You should talk it out and let it go’

‘Talk it out and let it go?’, Off snorted, crossing his arms, ‘She’s a monster. You can’t talk it out with someone whose nails will slice your throat at any given moment!’

‘Maybe she’s changed. I know I have’, his dad sighed, ‘And you have too. Maybe we could try to at least give each other some closure’

‘Over my dead body’, Off hissed, ‘I worked too hard for this life and I’m not gonna let her come by and ruin it’

‘Off, do you think what you’re doing is healthy?’

‘I don’t care if it is. As long as she’s out of the picture’

* * *

‘Tay, I need you to tell me what happened’, Gun begged when he knocked on his friend’s door, telling him what happened the night before. Tay’s face fell when he listened to the event, looking down at his hands and avoiding Gun.

‘I don’t know if I’m allowed to tell you’

‘I’m his husband. Come on… Please’, Gun reached out to hold on Tay’s hands, ‘I didn’t know what to do when I saw it and I’m scared that if it happens again, I still won’t know what to do’

‘Look, as far as I know, he only gets these attacks if he’s… Triggered by something’

‘By what?’

Tay bit his lip and contemplated whether to tell Gun. Even he only knew the vague story when Off would call him in the middle of the night to try and distract himself.

‘Talking about his family might not do him good… His mum specifically’

‘His mum? Why? What happened?’

‘Well, after Mrs Pho’s death, he’d been trying to look for… Well, I guess a mother. I guess he thought his real mum could feel the empty void he had, but when he was stuck in the middle of a city he’d never been before, surrounded by strangers and away from everyone he knew with a mother who clearly didn’t care for him the same way Mrs Pho did… It took a toll on him. It didn’t do him any good’

‘What should I do then?’

‘I don’t know’, Tay sighed, ‘Honestly, I thought, by not speaking about it, he would slowly get over it. I thought he did. It’s been years since I last heard about him getting an anxiety attack, but I guess some things don’t go away’

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

‘So, you’re telling me, you’ve never seen him cry? Like ever?’, Jay asked, laughing whilst he listened to Gun talk. He was curious about the man he married and he paid close attention when he started talking about Off.

‘Yeah, and the thing is, I never noticed it until now’, Gun nodded, taking a bite out of his meal, ‘I always thought he was brave for not crying’

‘You know what they say, it’s those who cry that are brave’, Jay pointed out and Gun couldn’t help but think about it. Compared to Off, he never saw himself strong, not when he relied on the latter so much. He had become his pillar and it broke him to know that Off didn’t see him like that too. It was like he was using Off for comfort but the latter couldn’t even tell him what was wrong.

‘Maybe he was just raised that way’, Gun murmured, which was a low blow on his part.

‘Doesn’t excuse his behaviour’, Jay said, ‘We’ve all been through some shit. We can’t expect to be forgiven because of that’

‘I guess so’, Gun nodded and slowly the dinner between him and Jay turned silent. He didn’t know what else to talk about, there was nothing he wanted to know about Jay’s life.

‘Why did you marry him then?’, the latter suddenly asked, breaking the silence once more.

‘Because I love him’, Gun simply stated, ‘He was the first person I loved’

‘Doesn’t mean he should you be your last’, Jay chuckled, ‘Sometimes your first is only there to teach you a lesson, to prepare you for your last’

‘Always a poet, aren’t you?’, Gun joked.

‘I’m a songwriter now’, Jay smiled at him proudly, ‘I think I know a thing or two about love’

‘Not as much as me’

‘Oh… Well enlighten me’

‘Love is a skill. You learn to love so you could be able to live’, Gun was reminded of Off’s words, just as he repeated them, he felt Off hugging him, his warm skin against his.

‘Wrong’, Jaylerr tapped on his glass, ‘Love isn’t a skill because you’re not working for love. Whoever told you that must be an idiot’

‘Then what is it?’, Gun placed his knife and fork back on the table, crossing his arms and waiting for his answer.

‘It’s a sense of being. You’re _in_ love, you _feel_ love. It’s just a part of you that you give to others if they deserve it’

‘Huh’, Gun replied with a raised brow, ‘I guess I never thought of it like that’

‘Try it sometime’, Jay suggested, ‘Think of the times Off gave a little bit of himself to you because that’s love. Him trying to make you happy or trying to act a certain way to make a marriage work isn’t love. Love shouldn’t be so technical’

Gun couldn’t think of the last time Off had opened up to him freely. He always had to force it out of Off until his throat was hurting from screaming too much. It made him wonder if Off truly loved him. Going by what Jaylerr said, it didn’t look it, and that only made him nervous.

* * *

**August; 2022**

‘How bad is it?’

‘Really bad’, Off replied when he read Tay’s text message. Arm had called him, asking for help to drag a drunk Tay from the bar and it wasn’t until Alice called them again that they realised New was drunk with him.

‘Rejected’, Tay mumbled in his sleep as they slept at the back of Arm’s car with Alice fanning the both of them whilst Gun tried to stop New from crying. Off was on the phone with Mild who had just been informed that her friends are going crazy after their applications for adoption got rejected as soon as they sent it out.

‘Why did they get rejected?’, Mild asked over the phone and Off turned back to look at the pair with a sympathetic look, ‘I’m one of their references but they haven’t even called me to ask about them’

‘They said it was a risk for a child to be raised by two men’

‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

‘Look, I’m just as pissed as I am with the verdict’, Off replied when he heard her shouting and screaming, probably calling Jane to explain to her too, ‘But I need to go. They’re both going to throw up in Arm’s car and we need to get them home before then’

‘Okay, call me back once you get there’

‘Okay’, Off replied before hanging up and turning back, passing a water bottle to Gun who kept on wiping the vomit off New’s face.

‘Why did they both have to get drunk’, Arm sighed, turning a corner towards their apartment, ‘As if Tay isn’t a struggle to deal with’

‘Give them break honey’, Alice called out to shut her husband up, ‘How would you like it if the government stopped us from having kids for no viable reason?’

‘Fair point’, Arm sighed as he parked his car by the front of the apartment block, turning off the engines, ‘Let’s get them home’

It took all four of them to lift up Tay and New, dragging their heavy bodies to their apartment, heaving them to bed whilst letting them throw up all over their clothes. Off couldn’t help but gag, taking a step back and closing his eyes when he heard the sounds of heaving.

‘Off, don’t just stand there, help us’, Alice called out to him when they turned New over, rushing to get the bin for him to throw up in.

‘I really hate vomit’, Off whined, pinching his nose and closing his eyes. Gun noticed how disgusted he looked, offering to help Alice instead.

‘I’ll do it, Off, go help Arm with Tay’, he beckoned his husband away, forcing him to go to the other side of the bed where Tay laid, his skin burning and red due to the alcohol. They had to take off his shirt and turn on the aircon.

They were too nervous to leave them alone, so all four of them ended up staying in their apartment, sleeping on the floor with nothing but towels as their blankets and pillows, Alice resting on Arm’s chest whilst Off rested on his stomach with Gun in his arms.

Tay woke up the next morning with a banging headache, whining as he opened his eyes, still dizzy from the alcohol and he knew he needed to throw up. He got off the bed, looking down to find that he nearly stepped on Arm’s face, watching his four best friends sleeping soundlessly beside their bed. He couldn’t help but tear up a little at the sight, thanking the heavens above for them.

‘You guys are the best’, he whispered, bending down to join them, hugging Gun as he rested his aching head on Off’s chest, closing his eyes for a second.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: people experience anxiety attacks differently, I'm just writing from my own personal experience and the technique mentioned is something I use, but I know others have their own ways of tackling their anxiety/panic attacks and each technique differs in affect depending on each person, so please be aware of that.


	11. Ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **warning: smut**

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

‘Thanks for dinner’, Gun smiled as he began to walk to the parking lot with Jay.

‘It’s alright. I don’t know if I’ll be having much free time with my new job’

‘And what is your new job?’

‘I told you, I’m a songwriter’, Jay smiled at him, ‘After all these years, I’m finally signed to a company and I’m getting ready to prepare my solo album’

‘Woah, congratulations’, Gun grinned at him, patting him on the shoulder, ‘You’ve always wanted this’

‘Yeah, and I’m signed to a pretty big company. I only wished I was signed earlier’

‘Better late than never’, Gun nodded to him, leaning on his car door when they finally made their way to the car park.

‘I never cheated on you by the way’, Jay pointed out when he noticed Gun fiddling for his car keys, getting ready to leave, ‘I know I was a bit of a dick, but not once did I ever think about cheating on you’

‘Well, I’m glad you’re self-aware’, Gun smiled back at him, ‘You were a dick’

‘Well, I had a few years and a lot more mistakes to realise it’, Jay joked, making the both of them laugh, ‘I’m just glad I got to meet you again and clear things out’

‘No worries’, Gun nodded, ‘I hope you treat your next partner right’

‘I hope so too… Oh, and by the way, if you ever need some space, just call me’

‘I think I’ve had enough space’, Gun rolled his eyes at himself, ‘But thanks for the suggestion’, they finally depart, with Jay waving goodbye at him as he made his way to his own car, Gun throwing his briefcase on the passenger seat, his head resting on the stirring wheel.

‘Are you gonna cheat on me?’, he heard Off’s voice and for a split second, he also saw the man sitting beside him on the passenger seat, in his eyesore printed shirt tucked under his jeans.

‘Do you have little faith in me?’, Gun asked, even though he knew he was talking to himself.

‘I’m not Off’, the voice in his head replied, the man smiling at him with a cocky grin, ‘I’m your subconscious. So, if you’re thinking it, then you have little faith in yourself’

‘Shut up’, he turned to shout at the man on the passenger seat, only to find an empty seat, ‘Goddammit’, he whined to himself, hitting his head on the stirring wheel again before driving off and heading home.

* * *

‘You’re finally home’, Gun heard New’s voice before he could even head to the kitchen to get himself a drink. He looked at Frank, who was sitting on the dining chair with a bunch of books splurged across the table.

‘Are you back to school now?’, he asked, pointing at the homework he still hadn’t finished, ignoring New who gave him a glare.

‘Yeah’, Frank replied, ‘They said I need to catch up on a whole semester of maths and I feel like dying’

‘Why don’t you ask Gun for help?’, Tay walked into the dining room with his work clothes still on. He was much calmer than New who was still pissed at Gun for last night’s events, ‘He’s always been good at maths. He even beat Off most of the time’

‘Really?’, Frank looked at the man with wide eyes, ‘Can you do my homework for me?’

‘Don’t even try kid’, Tay laughed, patting his head and rolling his eyes, ‘I said Gun can help you, not do it for you’

‘But do they really expect me to finish a semester’s worth of work in one week?’, Frank sighed in frustration, ‘I can’t do it!’

‘Your fault for setting the school lockers on fire’, New pointed out, setting a plate of freshly cut fruit for Frank to eat. He looked up at Gun, who he was still pissed at, but even he knew the latter was better at maths than all of them combined, ‘But if Gun has time, I’m sure he can help out’

Gun probably thought this was New’s way at getting back at him, and it seemed like he didn’t have much else of a choice but to comply, setting his briefcase down and sitting next to the boy.

‘Okay kid, what do you need help on?’

‘Before that, can I ask you a question for my literature project?’, Frank asked, pushing aside his maths work as he opened his notebook where Gun read a bunch of notes and small passages, ‘They want me to write a short story’

‘What about?’

‘What did you and Off do on your first wedding anniversary?’

‘This kid’s got balls’, Tay laughed as he snorted on his drink, Gun turning to glare at him. He raised his hands up and continued laughing before grabbing a snack from the drawer, heading upstairs to his room to get changed. Gun leaned back on his chair, thinking about the past memory and he couldn’t help but smile to himself.

‘Why do you need to know?’

‘I’m supposed to write a love story’, Frank pointed out, ‘I supposed it wouldn’t be hard to start with you two’

‘How about me and your dad?’, New pointed out as he closed the fridge and heard their conversation, ‘Don’t you wanna write about us?’

‘Yours is too boring’, Frank bluntly stated, making Gun choke from laughter, ‘P’Off and P’Gun’s one is more interesting’

‘Clearly’, New whispered to himself, ‘Make sure to write about Gun staying in our house instead of his own. How’s that for a love story’

‘Oh, stop being bitter’, Gun punched him on the leg before he left to join his husband upstairs, leaving their son under Gun’s care.

‘So, what did you do? Did you surprise P’Off?’

‘No, it was the other way round’, Gun told him, ‘Off surprised me’

* * *

**May; 2022**

Gun had been working all week and he felt tired, but when he looked at the calendar, he felt excitement coursing through him. It was their first wedding anniversary and he was joyous, to say the least. Although he spoke to Off, they both decided not to overdo it and to celebrate with dinner, just the two of them.

They wanted to stay home and not travel too far, so Off had made reservations at a restaurant close to their home.

‘Hey, Gun, why don’t you go home early’, Miss Tetchakorn knocked on his door, ‘It's your wedding anniversary, isn't it?’

‘Yeah’, Gun gleamed at the mention of it, ‘But let me just finish it up’

‘Don’t worry. I’ll let Pluem take care of the rest. Why don’t you go home and get ready?’, she winked playfully at him, closing the door of his office and leaving him. Despite his love for his job, he leapt at the offer and stood up, saving his files and sending it over to Pluem’s emails as he took his jacket.

‘Have fun!’, Pluem shouted before he walked into the lift, making Gun laugh as he waved his goodbyes before heading to the parking lot. He reminisced over the last year, smiling to himself as he looked down on the floor, flashes on memories flooding in his mind. He learnt that it was the subtle actions, little things that he remembered, from the way Off kissed his cheeks every morning, whispering those three words before he slept, leaning on his husband’s shoulders as they spend the night watching movies in their living room. Compared to their friends, they valued the private intimacy where they make their home their own little world and even as important as a first-year anniversary, they couldn’t find it within themselves to spend it outside of the comfort of their own home.

By the time he came home, he was already excited, thinking about the outfit he was gonna wear.

‘Gun? You’re home already?’, he heard his husband’s voice coming from their room and he made a beeline towards it, confused as to why his husband was back from work.

‘I asked for a half-day’, Off called out to him and when he opened the door, he looked down to find his husband sitting on the floor, leaning on the edge of the bed with a bass in his hands.

‘What is that?’, Gun asked him whilst he stood on the other side of the door.

‘It was supposed to be a surprised’, Off confessed, tuning his bass. Before Gun could ask more, he began playing, deep bass filling the room which was slowly joined his sweet voice.

_Baby, I’m yours,_

_And I’ll be yours until the stars fall from the sky._

_Yours until the rivers all run dry,_

_In other words, until I die._

Gun rolled his eyes as soon as he recognised the song, listening to Off sing to him as he leaned on the doorframe. He wanted to tell Off how cheesy he was, but he didn’t want it to stop. He wanted to keep listening to Off sing whilst his fingers strum across his guitar.

_I’m gonna stay right here by your side,_

_Do my best to keep you satisfied,_

_Nothin’ in the world can drive me away,_

_Cause every day, you’ll hear me say_

‘You’re so extra’, Gun laughed when the song slowly finished, Off leaning his head back and winking at him, licking his lower lip.

‘Happy first, babe’, Off smiled up at him, ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to quickly book a last-minute trip to Cebu or something?’

‘I’m fine with just dinner’, Gun smiled, walking over to sit beside his husband, ‘So, this is all the surprise you’ve got for me?’, he asked, his hands reaching out to lift the bass off his husband, resting it on the floor beside him.

‘What else have you got in mind?’, Off whispered, smirking when he felt Gun’s weight rest on his lap his arms snaking around his neck. Gun pressed their lips together, kissing softly but everything else he did was anything but. He felt the latter grind down on his thigh, deep moans whispering his name.

‘We’ve got an hour left before our reservation’, Gun whispered with a smirk, sucking on Off’s neck, ‘Can I have my present now?’

Off kissed him back in response, parting his lips as his fingers lace down to his pants, teasing the former as he slid his hands down. Cold calloused hands touched his hardening length, forcing inexplicable moans from Gun who showed no signs of retaliation. It’s been established a long time ago that Gun loved taking control, forcing Off on the ground as he took off his shirt, enjoying the way Off wrung underneath him, deep moans eliciting from his parted lips.

One hour. Gun had full and total control for one hour, so he relished at the moment, spitting on his hand and sliding down Off jeans and pleasuring him with the same rhythmic movements as the latter. For what it’s worth, they haven’t fucked in weeks due to work, so Gun had every right to be pent up, taking off his trousers, grinding down on Off.

Off didn’t waste any time, reaching his hand to pull the drawer, ‘Did you have lunch?’, he asked in between their kisses, smiling when Gun shook his head.

‘Ugh… P’Off…’, he moaned the moment Off’s lips travelled down from his cheeks and on his neck, making Gun feel an overload amount of sensation the man could not fathom, making him emit the oddest of noises, his hands grabbing hold of Off’s hair as he continued to glide down. Off felt precum from Gun’s slit, jerking him off in quick motions until he’s writhing above him.

He already saw Off take out the lube, giving him a second as he readjusted himself, sitting on the carpet with no boxers, his white shirt unbuttoned, watching Off lather his hands with lube. He couldn’t help but laugh at him a little, leaning back and letting his shirt slid off his shoulder.

‘What?’, Off turned to look at him when he heard his laugh, the sweet one he loved.

‘Why’re you drowning your hand in lube?’, Gun asked him, only making himself laugh when Off crawled towards himself, their faces only inches apart.

‘I’m sorry for wanting to take care of you’, Off rolled his eyes, kissing Gun’s lips before he inched down lower, dragging his tongue down his chest and stomach. Before Gun could make another smartass comment, Off’s lips pressed tip and licking it softly, causing another moan from the former, head rolled back. Off confidently engulfed Gun’s cock around his mouth, slowly finding a rhythm, a pace not too slow yet not too fast that their fun would end soon.

Gun didn’t know what to say, closing his eyes to feel the intense sensation climbing all over him just with Off’s tongue moving along, making him moan in pleasure.

‘P’Off’, he whined his husband’s name as he felt his slender digits entering him. His cool fingers sent shivers down his spine, making him moan out his name over and over again, unapologetically loud. He arched his back as another digit enters, insatiably whining for more, whispers of curses dripping down his lips. With the hot feeling of Off’s tongue around his cock, he could feel the heightening heat in his stomach.

Gun pushed him off as soon as he felt Off’s tongue sliding down, forcing him down on the floor. With Gun straddling on Off, he bent down to kiss the former on the lips, grinding slowly against him, both their cocks grinding against each other. He lifted himself up, hovering just above Off’s tip.

‘ _Ah’_ , Gun groaned out as he lowered himself, a slight burning as he lowers himself down.

‘Shit’

‘Fuck’, Gun moaned, stilling for a moment as he rested his hands on Off’s chest, waiting for a moment so he can adjust.

Off closed his eyes in pleasure, moaning out Gun’s name continuously, grinding his hips up slightly, only to be pinned down by the former.

‘I’m in control this time’, Gun whispered with a playful smirk on his face, leaning down to kiss his neck for a minute before he lifted himself up, pacing himself slowly as he bounces, quickening his pace once the burning sensation ends which left him with nothing but immense pleasure.

‘Gun, babe’, Off could only moan out in pleasure, leaving Gun to do all of the work, lifting his body up and down. Gun’s head rolled back, eyes closed as he relishes at the moment, feeling the sensation rile up inside him, his own shaft hardening as he continues to bounce on Off, trails of moans emitting from his open lips.

‘Off… I’m… I’m…’, Gun came at last, feeling his insides exploding through, breaking at the seams as he rested his head on Off’s chest, feeling his cum all over his husband’s torso, continuing to grind down as he waited for Off’s, the latter not giving a warning as he comes inside him.

‘Fuck’, he whispered as he felt Gun pull out of him, looking down to watch his cum slide down Gun’s legs, ‘I would ask for a second round if we didn’t have reservations’, he smirked, his hand not leaving Gun’s thighs as he teasingly slid his cum back up.

‘Don’t try and persuade me’, Gun smirked back, licking his lower lip, ‘I would gladly cancel it’

‘Better not’, Off chuckled, ‘I booked that reservation three months ago’

‘Then we better get ready’

* * *

Despite fucking, the married couple managed to dress to the nines by the time they arrived at the restaurant. They both wore their best suits, differing from each other as Off sported a much more traditional tux, whereas Gun decided to go for something blue.

‘This tastes divine’, Gun murmured as he hummed to himself whilst sipping the red wine Off purchased.

‘It’s a 1996 Chateau La Serre. Of course, it tastes amazing’, Off smiled at his, facing his husband who looked beautiful. He woke up looking at his face and it’s the last thing he sees before he closes his eyes and sleeps, yet he still felt enthralled by how wondrously stunning he looked. Even in the worst lighting, he still found Gun’s brown eyes sparkling like he held every galaxy inside them.

‘Jingjing said you dumped your ex-boyfriends if they never went big on your first anniversaries’, Off suddenly brought up, making Gun cringe in embarrassment at his bratty behaviour. He was sure to kill Jingjing the next time they meet up.

‘I was immature’

‘Thank God, I never have to experience that’, Off joked, ‘Otherwise, my wallet would dry up. I contemplated booking surprise tickets to Fiji for us’

‘As I said, I don’t need anything from you’, Gun pointed out as they waited for their meal, ‘I’m fine with this’

‘You sure?’, Off asked, leaning back and watching Gun try to analyse him. It amused him how the boy from high school still hadn’t left Gun, his eyes scanning him up and down like how he used to when he was trying to understand him.

‘You’ve got anything else in mind?’

‘Do you wanna know before or after we have dinner?’

‘You know how much I hate waiting’, Gun whined, the little kid in him coming out when he realised Off knew something he didn’t. He kicked his husband’s foot under the table, the pair of them playfully fighting whilst trying to keep a mature front in front of everyone else, but only they knew what each other’s smile meant. Off slowly stopped kicking back, instead of sliding his feet up Gun’s calf teasingly.

Just before Gun could tell him to stop, a waiter interrupted them, placing their appetisers in front of them, perfectly presented on a silver platter. But what Gun also noticed was a waiter placing another platter covered with a plate cloche, hiding the content inside.

‘What’s that?’, he asked curiously, not even caring about the food in front of him.

‘You can open it now, or wait till we finish’, Off said and he chuckled when Gun glared at him, rolling his eyes as he reached his hand out to open the cloche.

‘Like hell, I would wait’, Gun told him, lifting the silver cloche and looking down a pair of keys which rested in the middle of the plate, ‘Huh? What is this?’, he took one of the keys, a keyring hanging beside it which had his name engraved on it.

‘My dad had a client’, Off explained, ‘It seemed like he was a pretty wealthy architect. He has quite a few houses under his name that he wanted to get rid of, so…’

‘Don’t fucking tell me’, Gun stopped him, his eyes turning round, his jaw-dropping to the floor, ‘Did you just buy us a house?’

‘I didn’t buy it’, Off explained, ‘My dad did. It’s fully paid for, so we don’t even have to worry about mortgaging it’

‘You’re insane’, Gun gasped, his head spinning, but in a good way.

‘You said you wanted a bigger living space and I thought, why not? It wouldn’t be too bad to move into a house’

‘You’re insane’, Gun repeated, but this time he had a wide grin on his face that he simply couldn’t get rid of, his dimples showing, ‘Why did you let me open it now? We should’ve waited until we finished dinner!’

‘What difference would it make? You were gonna find out tonight either way’

‘Because I really wanna get out of this place and drive to our new house so I can fuck you all night’, Gun whispered to him, still holding onto his new house keys.

Off smirked as he began to eat his appetisers, sliding his foot up and down Gun’s leg.

‘Guess you’ll have to wait, darling’

* * *

**Three Months Before the Meeting.**

‘What did P’Off surprise you with?’, Gun was brought back to reality when he heard Frank’s voice, the young boy’s hand tugging his sleeve. Gun blushed, hiding his burning cheeks as he looked down. He should probably keep it PG-13 for the kid’s sake.

‘He bought me dinner and surprised me with the keys to our new house’

‘You mean the big mansion?’, Frank smiled, ‘He bought you your own castle? You’re like Cinderella’

‘He didn’t buy it’, Gun pointed out, ‘His dad did. And I’m not Cinderella. I would never marry a man I just met’

‘My dad told me you married P’Off only a year after dating him. Isn’t that the same thing?’

‘Why did Tay and New decide to have a smartass for a kid?’, Gun glared at the blunt young boy, lightly flicking his forehead, making him whine, ‘Plus, why do you need to know about my love life? Does your short story have to be based on a true story?’

‘No’, Frank shook his head, ‘I just don’t know how to write a love story. I’ve never really had a crush on anyone’

‘Aw, that’s kinda cute’, Gun smiled, squeezing his cheeks teasingly, ‘You will one day, kid’

‘I don’t want to. It looks stressful being in love’, Frank whined, pushing Gun’s hands off his cheeks. He watched as his Uncle poured himself a glass of wine, stealing his dad’s secret stash from the cupboard underneath the sink.

‘I can’t say you’re wrong, but if you find the right one then I guess it’ll be worth it’, but who was Gun to say such a thing? He found the right one and even he was struggling to keep it floating. He always hated when adults lied to him and now, here he was, finding himself on the other side and lying to a kid.

‘The right one?’, Frank repeated him, looking down at his hands whilst he thought for a moment, ‘Do soulmates exist?’, Gun snickered when the teenager asked him suddenly. He drank his wine whilst he poured Frank raspberry juice. He read the boy’s notes, messy yet detailed of the night Off and he spent their first anniversary together, in their own world.

‘Yeah, I think they do’

‘Do you think P’Off’s your soulmate?’

‘Do I think?’, Gun chuckled, licking the wine off his lips, ‘I know he is’

To Gun, there was no red thread that tied him with Off. It was no coincidence that he first met Off rushing around the corridor looking for their homeroom. There was also no such thing as destiny, fate didn’t tie them together at that rooftop that night, six years after their graduation.

No, they were soulmates because they longed for each other, and in the process, they became each other. He found a little bit of Off in him, the way he spoke, sometimes even the way he laughed. He wouldn’t notice it most of the time, but for a split second, he’d catch himself saying something that Off would. It was as if the man had seeped into his skin, resting below it, lighting up every time he thought of him.

‘Then why would you let go of your soulmate so easily?’, Frank asked him.

‘You think I didn’t try?’, Gun stopped smiling, playing with the ring on his finger, twisting it around, ‘I held onto him as much as I could, but I couldn’t feel him holding me back. You can only hold on for so long until you catch yourself slipping’

‘Why don’t you think P’Off isn’t holding onto you?’, Frank tilted his head. He found adults confusing. They overcomplicate everything, even more than his stupid classmates, ‘It’s not like he doesn’t love you back’

‘That’s the question I keep asking myself too’, Gun sighed, ‘But only he could answer that’

‘Do you think he’s holding onto you but in a different way? That’s why you can’t feel it?’

‘And what way would that be?’, Gun finished his drink, standing up towards the sink as he leaves Frank sitting by the dining table. He didn’t expect the kid to know the answer to his question since he didn’t know himself, leaving the conversation unanswered. He turned on the tap and started washing his wine glass, letting the water splash on his work clothes.

‘In a way that he wants to be held too’, Frank broke the silence by answering his rhetoric, making him freeze, warm water running down his hands. He didn’t turn to face Frank, he just continued to look down on his hands which had started to wrinkle from the water.

How did Off want to be held? He found it nerving that he even had to ask that. Three years and still so many questions. Off liked his eggs cooked well, he loved singing whilst he cleaned the house and he had a habit of biting his lips when he’s focused. He acts like he hates dogs, but when no one was looking, he’d play around with them, chasing them around the halls and even stroking their ears. He hated spices, sauces, vegetables and anything steamed, he had a food palette of a four-year-old, yet he always says he’s the mature one out of the both of them. He learnt languages because he hated reading subtitles when watching movies. He picked up croquet during his time in London. He can’t dance, but hell would he still dance around the living room, flailing his arms around whilst he shouted the lyrics.

Off’s favourite colour was green.

Off’s favourite person was him.

He knew that. But was it enough?

‘Frank, can I ask you a question?’, Gun asked, finally turning off the tap and placing the glass on the drying rack, ‘And you have to promise me you’ll tell the truth’

‘What is it?’

‘What was Off doing in Phuket?’, he turned and leaned on the counter, looking straight at Frank, pokerfaced and serious, ‘If he told you where he went, he must’ve told you why he went there’

‘He’s very secretive’, Frank admitted, ‘He didn’t tell me’

‘Frank…’, Gun called out his name again, and this time, even the young boy can hear the desperation in his tone, ‘Just tell me what he said’

‘He said it was a mistake’

‘What was?’

‘I don’t know’, Frank shrugged his shoulder, closing his notebook, ‘Something about fixing a mistake’

‘Great’, Gun tugged the tea towel off the cupboard, wiping his hands harshly, ‘As if that doesn’t sound suspicious’, he whispered to himself, his brow furrowed in frustration but the vagueness that surrounded his husband.

‘He didn’t cheat on you’, Frank comforted him, ‘I asked him and he said no’

‘Glad to know he told you before mysteriously taking off for three days with no form of contact’

‘I know you probably think he’s lying, but he meant it’

‘And I’m supposed to believe that with no explanation? Because he hasn’t given me a reason to believe in anything he’s saying right now’

‘Because he told me you’re the last person he wants to leave’, Gun felt his skin begin to crawl, goosebumps forming on the surface, making him shiver.

_Don’t ask me for a divorce. I’m not doing it._

‘Don’t ask me for a divorce’, Gun whispered to himself again, leaning his hand on the counter, ‘Don’t ask me for a divorce’, he kept repeating it until his voice sounded like Off’s, calm yet determined.

‘Don’t give me a reason to ask for a divorce’, he whispered to himself, begging Off to hear him but, how could he? When he was in someone else’s kitchen, helping someone else’s kid’s homework.

_Don’t give me a reason Off. Don’t. Please don’t._

* * *

**September; 2022**

Gun got a phone call from his bank about a transfer in his account that got him confused. He told Off he’d be coming back home late after he discussed with his accountant the money he received from an unknown account.

‘Mum, did you give my account details to someone?’, Gun phoned his mum on the way home.

‘Why?’

‘I got transferred a large sum of money and my accountant was asking where it came from’, Gun replied to her, turning a corner to his neighbourhood, ‘I didn’t know what to tell them, because I was just as confused’

‘Don’t yell at me’, his mum spoke to him and when there was an anxious silent between them, he parked his car and waited nervously, ‘I gave your account to your father’

‘Dad?!’, Gun shouted. It was the last thing he’d thought of when he asked him, mum, ‘You’ve been speaking to him’

‘He reached out to me a couple of months ago and asked how you were’, his mum slowly confessed, a secret she’d been keeping ever since she got the phone call from her ex-husband, ‘I told him you were married and he said he felt sad he couldn’t attend your wedding. I think he’d been saving up to give you the money for it’

‘The money was supposed to be for my wedding?’

‘That’s what he said. I’m surprised he still sent it to you. I told him you’re doing fine on your own and he shouldn’t bother’

Gun felt weak. All his life he’d taught himself to detest his father who had left him and stopped speaking to him all those years ago but listening to his mother talk about him, he felt a weight being lifted off his shoulder. All these years, he had no clue what had happened to him, he didn’t even know if he was still alive, or healthy.

‘Is he doing good?’, he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

‘He’s doing great. He’s working in Pattaya’

‘Does he… Have another family?’

‘Not as far as he’s told me’, she mumbled, ‘But you shouldn’t be mad at him if he does’

‘No, of course, not’, Gun nodded, closing his eyes as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.

‘Honey, I know you still have bad feelings towards your dad, but for your sake, why don’t you forgive him? Things happen and we’ve both apologised to each other about it and now I think it’s time he apologised to you too. It’ll do you good, I promise’

Gun thought about it for a minute. He sniffled his nose and rested his head on the stirring wheel as he closed his eyes again. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but he knew his father leaving took a toll on him, but with his mother’s reassuring words, he found peace with himself. So, he wiped his eyes and coughed out the last of his tears.

‘Do you have his number?’

* * *

‘Who’re we meeting?’, Off asked when Gun when his husband suggested they take a day trip to Pattaya during the weekend. Gun was cheery, more so than he usually is so he didn’t want to say no, packing a small bag of clothes just in case they ended up crashing there for the night.

His husband had been keeping the reason a secret all weekend, smiling and even offering to drive as they left Bangkok. It wasn’t until now did he realise why Gun was so happy.

‘I’m gonna introduce you to your father in law’

‘My… What?’, Off’s smile faded, clearly not sharing the same excitement as Gun as he looked at his husband from the passenger side, ‘You’re speaking to your father?’

‘He reached out to my mum’, he smiled, ‘He wanted to congratulate us by the way. He said he’s excited to meet you’

‘Are you sure you wanna do this?’, Off asked him nervously, shaking his leg and tapping his chair.

‘Why not? I’ve spoken to him on the phone and I think it’ll be good to meet with him again’

‘He left you Gun’, Off reminded him, ‘He hasn’t spoken to you in years and he thinks he can just go back to your life?’

‘He apologised’, Gun spoke out to him, turning around to look at his husband who didn’t share the same enthusiasm as him, ‘And I decided to accept it’

‘Why? Why would you give him such an easy pass? Doesn’t he deserve a little resentment’

‘I agree with that’, Gun confessed, looking back at the road ahead, ‘I still feel bitter towards him. But this is more for me than for him. I need to forgive him to move on with the rest of my life. I’m only introducing you to him just so you two can meet at least once’

He remembered his therapist saying something along those lines once and he thought it was bullshit. Forgiveness was a privilege only a few deserved and even then, he never gave it out so freely. Then there was Gun, who was quick and free with his time, it made Off angry, but he didn’t know to whom his anger was targeted to. Was he so angry at his husband for fixing his estranged relationship with his father, or was he angry at himself, knowing he could never do that with his mother?

Either way, the drive home was more silent than they’d both expected, Off looking out of the window and ignoring Gun’s growing questions as he continued to shake his leg profusely.

He felt a gap between him and Gun that he’d never felt before and weight was put on his shoulders dragging him down when he found one of their common grounds breaking. He was a sadist – or probably just a dickhead – but he liked the idea of Gun’s dad being absent in his life. It gave him a form of normalcy in his own, knowing his husband knew the feeling of abandonment. It saved him a lot of restless nights thinking if his own husband pitied his life because he knew Gun wouldn’t judge him given his own predicament. But with a flash of a second, all of that crumbled down in one long car ride. Gun was getting the closure that he begged to have for himself but never received, and for the first time in a long time, he was fucking jealous of Gun.


	12. Eleven.

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

‘What a joke’, Mild whispered to herself as they sat in the meeting room. She was playing with the ends of her hair, rolling her eyes as she paid attention to Jaylerr during his speech about his album.

‘I think music has been superficial over the past couple of years. I want them to listen to my voice rather than look at my face, so I want to focus more on the production’

‘Pretentious jerk’, Mild continued to whisper under her breathe, earning a warning kick from Off who tried to get her to shut up. But he knew why she was acting petty. They had both personally asked to be transferred to another talent’s management team, but it truly was bad luck that they were the best in their fields, so the CEO refused to let them go, not when they’re investing a shit ton of money on Jaylerr.

‘We’ll be giving you full leadership on your album, as agreed in your contract, but in terms of marketing, we still suggest on doing a few interviews and shows’

‘Speaking of shows, we need to make your image consumable to the general public. Off Jumpol, what have you got?’, upon his name being spoken, Off pulled out his files, weeks of research about Jaylerr’s past, screenshots of social media posts, school records and work references all condensed in a few printed pages.

‘Being paid to research about your husband’s ex. What a dream come true’, Mild laughed to herself, coughing up her amusement when her co-workers’ looked at her curiously.

‘I suppose his image isn’t a problem’, off began, passing around the files, ‘But I suggest he deletes his old social media accounts and start new. His old posts could resurface. They don’t consist of any racial slurs or misogynistic statements, but some posts can be seen as problematic in today’s standards, and as we all know, the public loves to nitpick over little things’

Jaylerr leaned back on his chair, crossing his arms as he watched Off talk about his life as of he had any clue what he got up to. He was impressed by him. He had a charisma he rarely saw in people anymore, and he was well-spoken, never slips in what he’s trying to say and even just the way he stands exudes attention. It was no surprise Gun married him, the latter always liked that about him too.

Once the files got passed to him, he looked through what the man managed to find, flipping through the pages and chuckling to himself when he saw screenshots of his instagram posts. Of course, the man couldn’t avoid the pictures and soon enough, he’d see Gun all over his life. Jay loved showing off and Gun was his favourite. They did everything together. Coffee dates, clubbing, family dinners, Jay showed the whole world just how close he got to Gun Atthaphan, and he smirked at the thought that Off saw it too.

‘Is there anything else you found?’, he asked once Off moved onto the next subject of preparing his image to the public. His sudden interruption forced everyone to look at him, noticing his eyes fixed on the man standing. His eyes are playful, obnoxiously gearing his attention on Off.

‘Well, there’s a total of five videos of you fighting outside numerous clubs dating from 2016 and the latest on 2022. We can delete the video, but we don’t know who saved it and if they’ll re-upload in the future, so I suggest to prepare some kind of apology in advance and promise the public that you’re a changed man. Why don’t you try some volunteering?’, he suggested, picking up the files and collecting it again. He saw Jaylerr nod at him and he was about to move one when the man in front of him interrupted him once more.

‘Is there anything else you found?’, Jay asked the same question.

‘This kid’, Mild hissed when she noticed at what Jay was holding, ‘You-’

‘I supposed it can’t be ignored’, Off said to him, reaching his hand out to rest it on Mild’s shoulder, stopping her before she makes a scene, ‘But what’s important is your debut. Shouldn’t we focus on your career first?’, his professionalism was unwaveringly strong, Jay was impressed for a second. He folded the file back and slid it back to Off with a warm smile on his face.

Just as they were about to move on, another co-worker took a look at the array of pictures, recognising the person next to their new artist.

‘Hey, isn’t that your husband?’, a colleague pointed out, recognising Gun who was hugging Jaylerr’s waist in one of the photos. They rarely see Off’s husband due to his busy work, but when he had time to attend dinner events, he would be there, so they’ve all met him at least once. Once was enough, since Gun was an unforgettable person. With the question hanging in the air, everyone in the room looked back down on the files and finally noticed why there was a growing tension between the two men when they realised who was between them.

‘Oh’, they all murmured amongst themselves, lifting their head up to stare at Off who was still standing, his hand holding on his files.

‘Yeah, it is’, Off replied to his colleagues.

‘Don’t you mean ex-husband?’, Jaylerr added on, making everyone gasp at his brash question, but what was even more surprising was the fact that Off kept silent. They had expected the man to scoff at the artist, rolling his eyes and biting back at his attempt to get under his skin, but his silence was an answer that his colleagues didn’t expect from him.

‘You need to keep your mouth shut before I do it for you’, Mild growled at him, her eyes in slits as she glared at him.

‘You two seem close’, Jay pointed out with an accusing tone, it pissed Mild even more, ‘Are you his new girlfriend?’

‘His best one’, Mild pointed back, ‘And this girlfriend of his will slit your throat if you dare-’

‘Mild that’s enough’, Off stopped her, placing his hand back on her shoulder, ‘Don’t harass the new talent’, he warned her, only making Jaylerr laugh at him.

‘Does Gun know that you two are close?’, Jay asked them, clearly forgetting that they were in a meeting.

‘You’re talking an awful lot about someone who isn’t yours’, his manager added himself into the conversation, pulling Jaylerr back by the collar, making him lean back on his chair.

‘He’s not P’Off’s either. As far as I’m aware, they’re through’

‘Is that what Gun told you?’

‘Yeah’, another wave of silence filled the meeting room, a ball of awkward tension making everyone squirm in discomfort, trying to avoid Off’s eyes which only stared at Jaylerr’s for a moment, before he looked down on the ground.

‘I suggest we prepare his public introduction during our annual company concert’, Off continued on with his work, carrying on as if nothing had happened, which only made everyone else in the room stare at him awkwardly, ‘I’m sure Jaylerr’s already got a couple of songs he could perform to show the audience’

‘I think we could end the meeting now and pick up on a couple of loose ends in the next one, shall we?’, Jaylerr’s manager stood up, buttoning his blazer as he bowed his head. He looked at Off sympathetically. He’d always liked the young man ever since he joined a few years back.

‘Alright then. See you tomorrow then’, Off picked up his files, leaving the room first, only followed by Mild you turned to glare at Jay one last time before closing the door behind her.

* * *

‘I’m going to make him looks so ugly on his debut showcase, just he watch’, Mild groaned, crossing her arm as she leaned on Off’s desk. The two friends stayed inside Off’s office, ignoring everyone since they know word probably already spread around. Despite being part of the PR team, his team members were infamous with their big mouth.

‘And what good will that do’, Off sighed, spinning his chair around like a kid. The meeting was embarrassing enough, but the fact that he almost slipped in front of his colleagues was what made it more embarrassing for him, but what Jaylerr said didn’t seem to wanna leave his mind.

Mild noticed how silent Off was and she crossed her arms and kicked her foot up to stop his chair from spinning, ‘I told you to hold onto him’, she murmured to him, ‘You can’t blame Jay when you’ve left him unattended’

‘Gun isn’t an object’, Off lifted his foot to kick Mild’s leg, ‘He’s capable of making his own decision’

‘Your trust on Gun is disrespectful on Gun himself’, Mild sighed, combing back her hair as she played with the ends, ‘You give him so much space and so much time apart and he’ll read it as disinterest. I’m not encouraging you to be controlling or manipulative, in fact, I like your way of thinking. You let Gun breathe when he needs to. But now you’re forcing Gun to breathe not because he needs to, but because you want him to think he needs it. In reality you’re the one who’s suffocating himself by being away from him. My only question to you is, why do you feel the need to give him space? And why do you want him to think he needs it?’

‘Because I’m a time bomb’, Off confessed, loosening his tie and looking up at the ceiling, ‘I want him to be as far away from me as possible when I explode. He’s the last person I want to get hurt because of me’

‘Why’re you a time bomb?’, Mild asked him, ‘You’re the most level-headed person I know’

‘My mother would beg to differ’, Off chuckled, but there was no amusement in his expression.

_You burst my bubble, so now I’m gonna burst yours. Find the girl. According to my research, she lives in Phuket. Find her and you’ll find the truth._

‘Your mother doesn’t know you’, Mild pointed out.

‘She knows everything’, Off corrected her, ‘That’s what scares me’

‘That still doesn’t explain why you’re a time bomb’

‘Because before I came back to Thailand all those years ago, I told my mum’s boyfriend that she was still married to my dad’, Off said to her, confessing his small bad deed for the first time in years, ‘He broke up with her instantly and she only found out it was me after I got on the plane’

Mild started laughing the moment he finished, clapping her hands and resting it on her stomach as she bent down. Off couldn’t help but laugh with her.

‘Is that why she hates you so much?’, Mild wiped her eyes, leaning back on his desk, ‘You’re so fucking petty’

‘She deserved it. She didn’t even tell him I was her son’, Off defended himself, ‘But her attack back was heavy’

‘Too heavy that you completely changed ever since you got back from London?’, Mild asked him and he kept quiet, his smile fading as he began to spin his chair around again.

‘I thought maybe we’d both forgive and forget once I arrived, but I guess there’s still a lot of baggages left to fight over’, Off sighed, closing his eyes and feeling his head spin, getting dizzier the faster he spun, ‘Now we’re just playing hot potato, passing the baggage onto each other until it explodes on one of us’

‘And are you the one carrying the hot potato now?’

‘That’s why I’m a time bomb’

* * *

**September 2022**

They arrived in Pattaya in less than an hour and Off tried to mimic Gun’s excited behaviour, smiling when he needed to and laughing when his husband kept on saying how ecstatic he was to meet his dad. But in reality, Off felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t know whether to be angry at how easily swayed Gun was, because if he was in his husband’s position, he would make his father beg on his knees for abandoning him without the promise of returning. Or maybe he was angry at himself for wishing poorly for his husband. He knew he couldn’t decide for Gun whether to forgive or resent.

‘Do you think he’d look different?’

‘It’s been ten years Gun, I’m sure he’s got wrinkles or whatever’, Off joked, making him laugh and he was glad he was still good enough to hide his own resentment. Or maybe Gun was too occupied on other things to notice the growing shadow cast against Off.

‘Gun! My boy!’, they wondered where they should meet, afraid that the town centre was too packed, but the moment they arrived, it was as if his father knew where they’d be waiting.

‘Dad?’, Gun took off his sunglasses, squinting his eyes and staring at the old man waving at him. Off was right, he had changed, but he still recognised him almost instantly. He let go of Off’s hands, about to run to him when they noticed someone else tagging along with him, a young woman.

‘Woah’, Off raised his brows, watching as the pair walked towards them, ‘I have a feeling that we’re going to be introduced to your sister’

‘Sister?’, gun whispered, keeping his expression straight as he waited for his dad to speak.

‘My, my, my. Look how you’ve grown!’, his dad smiled, reaching his hand out to stroke his hair, ‘You look fantastic’

‘Thanks’, Gun smiled at him, but he couldn’t avoid the young girl smiling at him, ‘You look great too’

‘Why don’t we grab something to eat? We have a lot to talk about’

* * *

The table was awkward. They waited for the food in silent and Off couldn’t help but find a small joyous feeling in the pit of his stomach when Gun kept staring at the girl. He truly was a dickhead.

‘So, who’s this?’, Gun finally took the courage to ask, or maybe it was Off’s kick under the table beckoning him to start the conversation, but either way, there seemed to be a wave of relief when he started talking.

‘She said she wanted to meet you’, his dad pointed, turning to face the girl who was probably no more than sixteen years old.

‘I’ve always wanted a big brother’, she smiled at him, making Off choke on his drink even though they expected the answer.

‘Mum said you didn’t have a family’, Gun pointed out, ignoring her for a moment.

‘I didn’t tell her, but…’

‘Is that why you’ve refused to reach out to me? Cos you got remarried?’

‘No’, his dad admitted, ‘Your mum and I had a tough relationship and we didn’t end well. So, trying to reach out to her was hard’

‘So you decided not to reach out at all even though it wasn’t Gun’s fault that the two of you broke up in the first place?’, Off finished his explanation, earning a kick from Gun.

‘I’m sorry son. We should’ve never gotten you involved. It was between me and your mum and we should’ve focused on you rather than our fights’

‘Well, I’m glad your self-aware on that’, Gun nodded, picking at his food before eating it, ‘So is she supposed to be my sister?’, he finally turned and faced her.

‘Step sister’, his dad explained, stroking her long hair and smiling impressively, ‘I married her mother almost six years ago’

‘Hey, my name’s Pim by the way’, she smiled again despite Gun’s current attitude, reaching her hand out for him to shake. He decided he needed to be more mature than the teenager, so he sighed and smiled back, shaking her hand and introducing himself.

‘I’m Gun. And this is my husband, Off’, he waved his hand to Off who smiled back at her, waving his hand.

‘Great, two brothers. That’s awesome’

‘Is she an only child?’, Off asked to which Gun’s dad nodded in reply, ‘Well, that would make sense. May I ask why she tagged along? I thought we were only meeting you’

‘I wanted to meet my big brother’, Pim was the one who answered, smiling at the pair, ‘I’ve heard dad talk about you all the time. It’s nice to put a face to the name’

‘Oh really? What did he say about me?’, Gun asked curiously.

‘That you’re really smart’, she pointed out, ‘And that you’re good at everything’

‘That much is true I guess’, Gun smiled at her.

‘So, what do you do now?’, his dad asked once he felt the tension slowly subsiding.

‘I’m a lawyer’, Gun replied, ‘Property’

‘Oh wow’, his dad raised an impressed brow, ‘Well done kid’

‘Thanks’

‘And how about you?’, he turned to face Off, watching the boy who kept on eating and listening on the sideline. For a quick moment, he felt familiar with his face, wondering if he’d met the boy before, but he shook it off, ‘What do you do?’

‘I work in PR for an entertainment company. I manage their artists’ image mainly, but other times, I work for the CEO too’

‘An entertainment company?’, Pim’s eyes turned bright, ‘So you meet celebrities?’

‘I manage them’, Off smiled, ‘Why? You’ve got a favourite?’

‘I have a huge crush on this actor called Nanon’

‘Nanon Korapat?’, Off asked, Pim nodding her head excitedly, ‘Yeah, he’s signed under my company. He’s a nice kid. Loud, but still nice’

‘Oh my God, you’ve met him?’, she squealed, clapping her hands. ‘Can I have his signature?’

‘I’ll ask him’, Off smiled, ‘But it’ll be a long way to travel to get that signature back to you’

‘I can always visit Bangkok!’, she suggested, her enthusiasm getting rid of her initial shyness, ‘I’ve always wanted to go anyway!’

‘Maybe’, Off smiled back at her, but there was no shed of promise in his eyes.

‘I guess if you ever want to, we have a spare bedroom we could offer to you’, Gun said, and Off was shocked at his officer. He turned to give his husband a warning look, but Gun shrug his shoulders, pretending not to notice as he continued to eat.

‘You’ve mortgaged a house already?’, his father asked, ‘I hope my money could be of help’

‘No need’, Gun said, ‘Off bought the house in full. We won’t be mortgaging’

‘Wow, your husband must be rich if he could afford a house in Bangkok’, Pim pointed out in shock.

‘I have a rich family’, Off explained, not ashamed to show it off anymore.

‘I’m sorry I missed your wedding’, his dad looked down on their hands, he noticed how they held onto one another, so comfortably with the golden band around their finger. He smiled at the sight, relieved his son managed to find his own happiness, ‘I would’ve loved to have seen you two’

‘I wouldn’t have invited you’, Off pointed out and it shocked everyone at his sudden statement. Even Gun was glaring at him.

‘What’re you talking about?’, Gun whispered to him. He quickly turned to face his dad, ‘I would’ve invited you if I known’

‘But I wouldn’t’, Off said again, ‘Wouldn’t it be a disrespect to your mum who raised you on her own to watch your father walk you down the aisle instead?’

‘Off, stop’, Gun squeezed his hand, ‘You don’t get to decide whether I invite my father or not’

‘No, he has a point’, his dad smiled, although there was a shadow fazed glossed over his eyes as he looked down, ‘Maybe it’s a blessing that I didn’t come’

‘That’s not true. I would’ve loved for you to come’, Gun stopped his father from going down that path, letting go of Off’s hand and reaching out for his father’s instead. Off noticed how quickly the action was, looking down at his empty hands which was now cold, ‘Don’t listen to him, he’s just trying to be bitter on my behalf’

‘He’s a good husband’, Gun’s dad smiled at them, ‘If he’s angry with me then that means he truly loves you’

‘I don’t need him to do that’

‘I don’t hate on your behalf’, Off corrected him, ‘I hate him all by myself’, he leaned his arm on the table, a fake smile on his face as he looked at the two people in front of him, ‘I’ve learnt to hate people who abandon others for their own selfish reasons’

‘Off, stop’, Gun warned him one more time, ‘Pim’s here’

‘Good’, he turned to face her, watching her smile fade into fear when she looked back at him, ‘She’ll see what abandonment looks like’

Off and Gun had always been on the same side on this subject. It was another thing they had in common that no one else around them had. They spent nights discussing their hatred to those who left them alone and wondering. Sometimes, he even gave comfort to Gun when he’d restlessly wondered what his father was doing, knowing he’d probably never meet him again. For a split second, everything was okay for them because they had each other.

But with his burning cheeks and the slap from Gun, Off knew in an instant that things were different now.

‘If you’re not gonna be nice to my father, then I suggest you leave and wait in the car’, Gun hissed at him after the hit, glaring at his husband who seemed to want to get under his father’s skin.

‘With pleasure’, Off replied, standing up and leaving his uneaten food, ‘I never wanted to meet your father anyway’

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

Off decided to crash at Mild and Jane’s place. He didn’t wanna disturb Arm and Alice who were busy with their pregnancy.

‘You’ve got a big mansion at your disposal but you choose to stay here?’, Jane sighed the moment she saw her wife walking in with Off behind her, ‘We only have a humble house’

‘You’ve got a spare bed’, Off pointed out, ‘And a pool I can get drunk on’

‘Floaties are suspended from your use until further notice’, she pointed at him, but she didn’t have time to get angry at him, not when Mild bent down to greet her with a kiss.

‘Don’t be mean. He’s having a hard time’

‘He asked for it’, Jane mentioned, not giving a fuck if Off can hear her because she knew Off was tough to crack, so her mere words wouldn’t affect him, ‘Should’ve just told Gun what he wanted to hear’

‘He doesn’t need to know’, Off sighed, making himself comfortable as he plopped himself on the sofa next to Jane who was peacefully reading a book before they arrived home. Off, who clearly didn’t give a shit about personal space, leaned his head down and rested it on Jane’s shoulder, hugging her like a teddy bear, ‘Now I know why Mild likes you so much’

‘Get off me’, Jane glared down at him.

‘I’ve separated from my first love, give me a bit of comfort’, Off sighed as he closed his eyes and stayed like that for a moment. He was never that close with Jane, not even in high school, but he guessed the woman had a soft spot for him since he was a great help to her wife who was struggling in high school at the time. She had to pay him back at some point for taking care of her whilst she prepared for her own life.

‘You haven’t divorced yet, so there’s still a chance’, she sighed, stroking his hair and giving in. Despite being the oldest out of all of them, Off acted the most childish.

‘Most people find their new partners before they get divorce. Once they move out and carry on with their lives without the other, it gives them a reason to fall in love quicker. Divorce is only the finalisation’

‘Then go back home and drag Gun with you’, Jane commanded, ‘What’re you doing here in my house?’

‘I sometimes want to believe that Gun’s truly moved on from me. It’ll save me a lot of time’

‘Time for what?’

‘Just time for me to fix everything else’, Off whispered, closing his eyes.

‘You should fix what’s most important to your first’, Jane said, ‘Not the one that you think will cause the most collateral damage’

‘You don’t understand’

‘Yes I do’, Jane whispered to him, ‘You wanna fix the one that might hurt a lot of people around you, but you’re choosing to leave behind the one that’ll hurt you the most. Be selfish and choose the one you wanna fix, rather than the one you think you need to fix’

‘This situation has been waiting for me since the day I was born’, Off sighed, ‘I think it’s waited long enough’

‘Gun’s been waiting for you the moment you told him those vows’, Jane reminded him, ‘I can’t remember what you promised him, but I know you promised to be by his side for better or for worse. I mean, I get it, you see someone else’s home burning and you wanna help out, but don’t you think you should run back home and fix your house first?’

‘I don’t deserve a house’, Off sighed, hugging her tighter, ‘I don’t even think I deserve anything that I’ve got’

* * *

‘How’s work?’, Gun asked Jay as they sat outside of the restaurant, digging into their speciality in a flash as they meet up for dinner. He didn’t know why he was with Jay, but he found the man waiting outside his workplace everyday, waving at him and offering to hang out after work.

He remembered Off used to do that, especially when they were only starting. The man would wait in his car outside his work building, honking to gain his attention as he drove him to his condo. They would eat takeaway and watch movies until they fell asleep on the sofa, with Gun’s arms around him.

He didn’t know when his husband stopped visiting him and he also didn’t know when he stopped caring. But with Jay waiting for him, it opened a sense of elation he hadn’t felt in a long time. Which was probably why he was sitting next to him and eating dinner.

‘It was good. My album’s gonna be the biggest hit of this year, I can tell’, Jay showed off and he couldn’t help but laugh. Jay always loved to show off.

‘I can’t wait to listen to it’, Gun chuckled, wiping his lips with the ends of his sleeves, staining the white material.

‘You’ll be the first to hear it. I promise’, he replied, looking at the way Gun ate and smiling to himself. The man before him had always been cute, but over the years, even though Gun hasn’t changed all that much, he was much cuter, ‘Off’s part of my management team’

‘Are you fucking serious?’, Gun choked on his drink, ‘You work in Off’s company?’

‘I told you I was signed at one of the biggest’, Jay laughed when he felt Gun punch his arm, ‘I didn’t know he worked there too’

‘Jesus, why does it feel like the world’s getting smaller?’, Gun sighed, looking down at his half finished meal, biting his lip as he carried on eating.

‘He told everyone you were his ex-husband’

Gun dropped his fork the moment the statement left Jay’s lips, letting the metal drop against the wooden table.

‘I do have to admit, I provoked him’, Jay awkwardly scratched the back of his head, ‘But he didn’t correct me when I asked’

‘Of course, he didn’t’, Gun sighed. He felt bitter at the thought that Off had already told his colleagues about them yet he still didn’t have the bravery to tell his. He suddenly remembered the dinner event he was supposed to go with Off next week and he felt another wave of sadness in his stomach that he couldn’t get rid of.

‘I honestly thought he was gonna fight back, but he seemed to be a level-headed person’

‘He always had been. That’s why I married him’, Gun whispered, ‘But it looks like it’ll be the reason why I leave’

‘Huh?’

‘My company does this annual dinner event with other law firms. Do you wanna come with me?’, Gun ignored Jay’s question, turning his head to look at him, ‘I have no one to go with’

‘I’d love to’, Jay smiled brightly, ‘I’m glad you asked me’

‘Me too’, Gun responded, but there was no smile on his face, just a blank expression as he stared down at his half empty plate, stabbing the meat over and over again until it broke into pieces.

_Ex-husband._

It still sounded foreign in his mind, but not as much as it used to. And that fucking scared him.

* * *

**September 2022**

‘You had no right to start a fight’, Gun yelled at him the moment they arrived back at their house. They still had a few moving boxes laying around the living room, as well as empty spaces for their new furniture which hadn’t arrived yet. Gun immediately threw his keys on the table, raising his voice as soon as they made it inside.

The architecture had a talent and the mansion ended up being an blend of modern and traditional designs, making it homey yet beautiful at the same time. Gun adored it the moment he stepped foot the morning after he got the keys as a present.

‘He had the audacity to introduce you to your stepsister’, Off defended himself, ‘This was supposed to be between you two. Why did he think that was a good idea?’

‘Because he wanted to share his life with me!’, Gun screamed at him, pushing him when he tried to step closer, ‘That’s why I brought you too!’

‘Why didn’t you ask me?’, Off also raised his voice, trying to level with Gun who was way above him in frustration, ‘Just because I’m your husband, doesn’t mean I’m gonna agree with you meeting your dad’

‘Your my husband’, Gun glared at him, ‘But you have no control nor any rights on who I forgive or don’t forgive, you do understand?’

‘Look, I’m not trying to control you, I’m just-’

‘That was exactly what you wanted!’, Gun shouted, pushing him back again, ‘You’re just jealous that you haven’t made peace with your mum. But guess what? You can’t stop me from being at peace with my dad. If you’re that jealous, go to London and sort out your stupid trauma that you’re obviously putting on me too!’

‘Stupid trauma, huh?’, off snickered, taking a step back and letting Gun shout at him all he wants, ‘I guess it is stupid to those who can’t relate’

‘Off, wait, that’s not what I mean-’

‘Don’t worry kid. I know what you mean’, Off interrupted him before he could explain himself. The raised voice triggered Off to remember the nights he spent awake, sneaking out the front door and running as fast as he can towards the one place where he felt at home. He didn’t wanna hear it anymore, so he stepped back, grabbing his keys from the counter and heading straight to the door, ‘I’m just gonna throw my stupid trauma outside if you don’t mind’, he shouted, slamming the door shut before he heard Gun’s reply, calling for him to come back.

* * *

‘Fight with the Mr?’, P’Pik asked when he saw the young man at the night market despite living almost an hour away from them.

‘I don’t even wanna talk about it’, Off sighed as he sat down, ‘Just bring me a drink and my usual meal’

‘You better not make that boy of yours cry’, P’Pik warned him before going to his stall and whipping up a meal, ‘Mrs Pho will come back from the grave and slap you in the head’

‘If only she could do that’, Off whispered, ‘I have so many questions I wanna ask her’

‘She wouldn’t be able to answer them anyway’, P’Pik informed him, passing him his meal and sliding a cold beer on his table, ‘Her marriage was different from yours’

‘She’d still know what to do’

‘Every relationship is different and you shouldn’t use the same advice. People aren’t the same and they react differently, so someone else’s experience will always be different than yours’

Off didn’t have the energy to argue back, so he just dug into the meal, a wave of old memories being carried along with each bite. P’Pik always kept to the same recipe, very rarely changing it and he remembered tasting his food for the first time when he was young. His dad had accidentally pushed him against the wall after he tried to get in between their fight, causing his head to split open. It was a small wound, but he still needed to get stitches and when he was discharged from the hospital, he quickly raced to the night market crying until P’Pik served him his specialty. It was the only way to stop him from crying.

‘Do you think marriages are overrated?’, Off asked him suddenly when he finished his beer, ‘All the ones I’ve seen have ended up in failure’

‘You were the smartest kid in your class’, P’Pik laughed, lighting a cigarette, ‘You saw your classmates fail their tests, but you never thought it’ll be your fate to fail with them’

‘No’

‘Why’s that?’

‘Because I studied’

‘Exactly’, P’Pik smiled at him as he blew out the grey smokes, ‘You worked hard and achieved what you deserved. Just because you see others letting their marriages crumble doesn’t mean you’ll share the same fate. Work hard then you’ll have a successful one’

‘Marriage is a group project’, Off pointed out, stealing a cigarette from P’Pik’s packet, ‘And I’ve always hated group projects. You have to trust others to do just the same amount of work as you so you can get the grade you want. Most of the time you don’t see eye to eye, so you do the work separately and put them together at the last day and hope everything fits perfectly’

‘Well, too bad you’ll have to find a different solution with marriage’, P’Pik pointed out, watching Off finish a whole cigarette in a matter of minutes. He passed his packet to Off, letting him dig in another cigarette.

‘Off? Off?! Off!’

They both heard his name being shouted and just by the sound of his voice, they didn’t need to turn around to see who it was calling for him.

‘Your prince drove an hour to meet with you in the middle of the night’, P’Pik laughed, squinting his eyes to try and find Gun in the middle of the crowd, ‘Aren’t you a lucky princess’, he joked, but Off clearly didn’t find it funny as he finished his second cigarette, throwing the butt at P’Pik.

‘Off Jumpol!’

‘I’m here!’, he shouted when Gun continued to shout his name, raising his hand as he stood up.

‘Oh thank God’, Gun sighed, gasping for air as he ran pass the dozens of people to where Off was standing.

‘What is it?’, he asked, sliding his hands inside his pockets as he walked towards him. He didn’t gain a reply, but instead, Gun ran himself to him with a loud thud, wrapping his arms and squeezing him tight, ‘Gun… Come on… I can’t breathe’, he patted Gun’s back, begging him to loosen his hold.

‘I’m sorry’, Gun said, his voice muffled as he pressed his face on Off’s chest, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry’

‘Okay, okay enough’, Off pushed Gun off him, making him stop, ‘I think I got the picture’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun whispered again, his eyes red and swollen, clearly from crying. Off sighed as he stroked his thumb across his eyes, wiping the drying tears from his face.

‘Did you drive all the way here in this state?’, Off asked worriedly, ‘You know how dangerous it is to drive in the middle of the night. You should’ve waited for me to come back’

‘I thought you wouldn’t’, Gun whined, his lower lip quivering. He felt Gun’s hands shake behind his back as his husband kept them in an embrace, ‘I thought you wouldn’t come back’

‘Of course, I would’, Off sighed, leaning his forehead against Gun’s, ‘Where else am I gonna go?’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun whispered again, closing his eyes and feeling Off’s warm skin against his, ‘I didn’t mean to say those things. I know how hard it was for you and I don’t think it was stupid. I don’t think that at all’

‘I know’, Off replied, placing his hand softly on Gun’s cheek, ‘And I’m sorry for taking your closure away today. I promise I won’t control anything that I have no rights controlling’

‘Thank you’, Gun whispered, tiptoeing as he placed a soft kiss on Off’s lips, ‘I know you were just looking out for me’

Off wondered how Gun would feel if he knew he was only looking out for himself, how he only thought about his feelings rather than Gun’s. Would he be just as understanding? Off didn’t plan on knowing, so he leaned in and kissed Gun back instead.

‘I love you’, Off whispered, hugging Gun back and swaying him from side to side.

‘Me too’, Gun replied.

‘Do you wanna grab something to eat before we head home? P’Pik’s here’

‘Yeah, I’d love to’

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

‘Damn, this is your home?’, Jay looked out of the passenger window, his eyes round in shock as the gates opened and he was greeted in the most beautiful looking house he’d ever seen.

‘I haven’t lived here for almost five months’, Gun admitted to him, parking his car at the empty garage, showing that Off hadn’t visited either, ‘I hope it hasn’t collected dust’

‘Well, if it does then we’ll clean it together’, Jay turned to look at him with warm eyes, making Gun smile back at him.

He’s stupid. He’s an idiot for bringing Jay back to his house, but my god, once Jay latched himself, he very rarely leaves. Plus, the empty space beside him was slowly growing bigger and he got lonelier. At this point he didn’t care who was willing to fill in the space, as long as he could get rid of it once and for all.

‘Once you separate, who do you think will get the house?’

‘Probably Off’, Gun said, turning off the engines and looking around, a wave of nostalgia kicking through him just at the sight of the walls, ‘It’s his dad’s anyway’

‘Why don’t you give me a house tour whilst it’s still yours’, Jay joked, leaving the car, closing the door and waiting for Gun. As soon as he walked out, he saw Off leaning on the wall, his hands in his pockets as he stared at the two of them.

‘You always said Jay was a replica of me’, the man leaning on the wall spoke out to him, ‘Maybe he’d even be a better version. You won’t know till you try’

Gun shook his head, locking his car and listening to the beep as he rubbed his temples before turning to look back at the wall to find it empty.

_Get out of my head._

‘So, this looks homey’, Jay gasped once he turned on the lights, looking at the wide space living room and the expensive furniture, ‘Who’d’ve thought Gun Atthaphan would settle down in a mansion no less’

Gun laughed at him, but when he looked around, he was surprised at how clean the place still looked. Not a layer of dust decorated on the surfaces, no cobwebs and not even an ounce of dirt or rotting wallpaper. He concluded that Off must’ve hired a house cleaner to come by and clean it at the end of every week.

‘Do you think they’ll be anything edible in the fridge?’, Jay asked as he curiously looked around their conservatory which welcomed them to a large garden filled with different colours of flowers. If only it wasn’t dark, Jay would’ve loved to lay on the grass and stared at the skies.

‘There’s only one way to find out’, Gun called out as he walked over to the kitchen, turning the lights on as he headed to the fridge, opening it to find an organised row of groceries that he knew wasn’t there when he left. He took out a packet of frozen instant food, checking the expiration date.

After rummaging around, he realised that all the food was freshly bought. Off must’ve instructed the house cleaner to also do groceries, but for what reason? No one lived here anymore.

‘Well, I guess I have more to offer than I thought’, Gun walked back to the living room, throwing a bottle of coke to Jay and lifting up a packet of crisps.

‘Ooh, those looks like fresh sound speakers’, Jay smiled back at him as he skidded across the floor in his socks towards the sound system, excitedly turning it on and plugging his phone in.

Instantly, loud music filled the once lifeless room, bringing colour back in as Jay began to dance around, nodding his head as he jumped across the floor. Gun couldn’t help but laugh, placing his drink on the coffee table as he joined him. They had no rhythm between them, but they didn’t care, because all they wanted to do was have fun.

‘Show me, show me, show me how you do that trick!’

‘The one that makes me scream she said!’

‘The one that makes me laugh she said!’

‘Threw her arms around my neck!’

As The Cure was blasting in the background, Gun took off his shoes and started dancing on the coffee table, flinging his tie around in the air as he took it off. He felt Jay get on with him, dancing next to him, snaking his arms around his waist as they continued to sing at the top of their lungs, out of tune and fucking up the lyrics, but in that moment, Gun felt breathless – but in a good way.

_Why are you so far away she said,_

_Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you?_

_That I’m in love with you?_

Gun kept singing, swinging his head until he felt dizzy. He closed his eyes and counted to three, holding on his breath before gasping out and laughing. As soon as he opened his eyes, he saw Off staring at him, dancing with his arms around his waist, laughing as he joined him, singing so loud the whole neighbourhood could probably hear them.

_You’re just like heaven._

_You’re just like heaven._

Without hesitation, Gun reached his arm out, resting it on the back of his neck before bringing him down for a kiss, latching desperately on something soft. It was a peculiar feeling, like a wave of electric deep in his stomach as he felt the lips kiss him back, biting down onto his desperately. He whined a little, pulling him closer as he deepened the kiss, parting his lips and letting his warm tongue push in, their bodies pressed together without space between them. His lips were playful yet lustful, pulling him into a feeling he longed forgotten. The kiss was messy yet sweet. It felt familiar, but not enough for him to carry on.

He immediately pushed back, finally getting back to his senses. Off’s face began to twist, changing right in front of his eyes to someone else.

And in that moment, his heart sunk to the floor, his smile fading when he realised who he just kissed.

‘Are you okay?’, Jay asked when Gun’s expression dropped.

‘Shit’, Gun whispered, his eyes quivering as it tries to look at everything but the man in front of him, ‘Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit’

‘Hey, Gun’, jay grabbed his arm when he watched the boy stir, trying to climb down the coffee table, ‘We can talk’

‘No’, Gun pulled his arm back, ‘I shouldn’t have done that’

‘But you did’, Jay replied, jumping back on the floor as he raced after Gun, ‘You wanted this’

‘No I don’t’ , Gun closed his eyes to stop his head from spinning, ‘And in our house too… _Fuck’,_ he ran upstairs, racing to his bedroom as Off’s face began to play in his mind. He could hear Jay’s voice calling him from behind, but once he made it inside their bedroom, he slammed the door shut and locked it. He leaned on the wooden door as he slid down on the ground, clenching his hands against his ears to stop from hearing Off’s voice, but as always, the man was embedded deep in him that he knew he couldn’t run away from him.

_Shut up. Don’t speak._

‘In all honesty, I probably brought it to myself’, Gun nervously looked up and he gasped, seeing Off sitting on the end of their perfectly made bed, ‘So, I don’t blame you’

‘Shut up. You’re just my subconscious trying to stop me from feeling guilty’, Gun shouted at the figure on the bed, knowing it was all in his head.

‘You know Off more than anyone. You’d know this is exactly what he’d say’, the imaginary replica of his husband replied to him and he couldn’t help but believe him. Off let him get away with a lot of things that he knew he wouldn’t let go if Off ever did it to him.

‘Would you take me back if you knew I kissed Jay?’, Gun whispered, waiting for no one’s reply.

‘I supposed I would, given the predicament that we’re in’, Off replied, but he turned back to stare at something on the bedside table, ‘But I supposed given the date tomorrow, I might be a little hurt’

‘Tomorrow?’, Gun furrowed his brow, tilting his head in confusion, ‘What’s tomorrow?’

‘Happy third anniversary babe’, Off turned back to look at him, smiling before he disappeared to thin air. Gun held his breath as he squinted his eyes, looking at what Off was staring at on their bedside table, only to notice a small calendar with a red mark on a specific date.

_Shit._

**_May 22 nd 2024_ **

**_3 rd Wedding Anniversary_ **

‘Fuck’, Gun finally gasped for air after holding it in for so long, ‘Fuck’, he clenched his fist, banging it on the door until it was bruised and red.

* * *

‘P’Off’

‘What the hell do you want?’, Mild rolled her eyes as soon as they saw Jaylerr enter the coffee room early in the morning.

‘I need to speak to P’Off’, Jaylerr called out, ignoring the way Mild glared at him, ‘It’s about Gun’

‘Jesus, can you leave the man alone? And leave his husband alone too’

‘He’s at your house’, Jaylerr ignored Mild as he stood in front of Off who was waiting for his coffee, ‘He brought me to your house last night’

Off didn’t give an expression, not even a twitch of his lips, but he held his hands behind his back, clenching them tightly until he felt his nails dig into his palm. Mild on the other hand expressed every emotion on the spectrum, her jaws dropped to the ground as her eyes turned wide.

‘Are you fucking kidding-’

‘We were hanging out, then all of a sudden he kinda… I don’t know, he freaked out and locked himself in his room. I stayed all night, but I couldn’t get him out so I was hoping you’ll be the one to-’

‘What the hell did you do to Gun?!’, Mild shouted at him and Off looked across the hall to find their colleagues staring into the break room, clearly eavesdropping.

He rested his hand on Mild’s shoulder, forcing her to stop as he sighed, ‘Okay, I’ll go look for him’

‘Thanks’, Jaylerr sighed in relief, and as much as Off wanted to punch the man right now, he was glad that he was worried enough to stay with him the whole night, just in case something happened to Gun.

‘Mild, tell the boss I’ll be back late’

‘Sure thing’, Mild called out to him before he left their building, grabbing his phone and car keys.

* * *

Gun slept on the floor of their room, his back aching and his skin red due to him moving around all night. He had scrunched up his blazer and used it as a pillow, looking up at the ceiling. He didn’t bother to look at the time, but with the sun gleaming into the window, he knew he was astronomically late for work.

_The kiss felt nice._

_Shut up, you cheated on Off._

_Cheat? We’re already separated. It’s not cheating._

_He never agreed to separate._

_But now he will._

It was stressful, the battle inside his mind. It woke him up countless of times in the middle of the night, making him squirm at the thought of Off’s expression once he found out.

_But he doesn’t have to find out. This could be my secret, lord knows he’s been keeping his own from me. It’s only fair. W’e’re even now._

Gun scrunched his nose and closed his eyes, tugging his hair as he whined to himself.

‘Up on melancholy hill, there’s a plastic tree, are you here with me? Just looking out on the day of another dream’, Gun heard Off begin to sing, being accompanied the soft strings of a guitar. He clenched his fist and closed his eyes again, trying to get rid of the Off in his mind that’s been tormenting him all night.

‘Well you can’t get what you want, but you can get me’

‘Can you shut the fuck up?’, Gun whined, shouting at himself to stop thinking about the tall boy singing the song he sung at their wedding. Guilt rose in his stomach, gnawing at his heart when the voice continued to sing, strumming the guitar until the song finished. And then there were no more words left to sing.

Gun was about to sigh in relief when the music stopped, but he heard tapping on the door, making him flinch as he sat up.

‘Gun, you there?’, he heard Off’s voice again, ‘I heard you were here’

‘Go away!’, Gun shouted, still not convinced that the real Off was on the other side of the door.

‘Look, I know you don’t wanna see me, but I heard from Jaylerr that you haven’t come out since last night. Mind you, you have work and you’re not picking up your phone. Even Pluem is calling me now’

_Off?_

This must be the real one.

‘Off?’, he called out, just in case he went crazy, ‘Off?’

‘Happy third anniversary by the way’, he heard the man reply, ‘I don’t really have anything prepared, so I thought I’d sing to you instead’

‘Shit, Off!’, Gun stood up immediately when he realised it was the real Off Jumpol standing on the other side. He swung the door open, seeing Off sitting on the floor of their hallway with a guitar in his lap. He was in his work clothes but he was breathing as if he rushed here, ‘Why are you here?’

‘Am I not allowed to come home and visit you?’, Off replied with another question, ‘I heard you suddenly weren’t doing well. Are you okay? Did something bad happen?’

_Yes._

‘No’, Gun responded, his hand gripping on the doorknob, ‘I’m fine’

‘Okay’, Off stood up, holding his guitar on one hand, ‘I’m not gonna push you to tell me, but let me drop you off to Tay’s place so you can talk to New. I’ll just call your workplace and say you’re not feeling well, I’m sure they’ll give you a day off’

‘I hate you’, he called out when he saw Off start walking away. It forced the latter to stop, but his back was still facing Gun, ‘Why aren’t you forcing an answer out of me?’

‘Cos I already have an idea’, Off said, ‘And I don’t want to hear it from you’

‘Why do you think I’m upset?’, Gun asked him, his guilt turning into annoyance when Off wouldn’t even face him anymore.

‘Why do you think I know you were here in the first place?’, Off retaliated with another question, ‘Who else would know you were here the whole night?’

_Jaylerr._

‘I…We…’

‘Like I said. I don’t wanna hear it’, Off stopped him. Gun couldn’t see his expression and he wished he did, but it was like his feet were glued to the ground and Off was too out of reach for his arms to grab.

‘Off, I didn’t… We didn’t… We only kissed’

‘What you do in your free time is none of my business’, Off said, ‘I’ll wait in the car. Come down when you’re ready and I’ll drop you off’, Gun didn’t have a choice as he watched Off walk away from him, racing down the stairs and leaving him alone again.

Gun wasn’t even surprised that Off reacted the way he did. At this point, he was used to it. It didn’t hurt him that he showed no signs of emotions.

_Love is a sense of being. Think of the times Off gave a little bit of himself to you because that’s love._

That’s a lie. It hurts like a bitch. It hurt like hell. He clenched his hands and punched the door, not even making a dent on it but still bruising his knuckles.

Off raced down the stairs, throwing his guitar on the living room floor hearing it crack against the marbled ground. He didn’t care if he broke it, all he needed to do was run as fast as he could back to his car, slamming the door shut behind him as he leaned his head on the stirring wheel.

_One, two, three. One, two, three._

Hot tears finally streamed down his face when he felt his throat enclosed and for a moment he couldn’t breath.

‘Hey, what date is it today?’, he managed to gasp out, bringing his car back to life as it replied to him.

_‘Today is May 22 nd 2024\. Your calendar also notes that today is your third year wedding anniversary to Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat-Adulkittiporn. Would you like to call Gun?’_

‘No’, Off coughed out, his hands shaking as he banged his head on the stirring wheel again. He’d never felt like this before. He hadn’t cried in years, probably over a decade and it felt foreign. His eyes wouldn’t stop watering and no matter how many times he wiped his face, it was as if he’d finally unlocked the box that was containing all the tears he pushed back since he was young. All the restless nights he fought his parents, the loneliness he felt as he walked back from the night market to his cursed house, the impending silence which continued to threaten his marriage with Gun, to the morning at the beach as he watched Mrs Pho’s ashes drift into the sea.

And on the morning he left everyone he knew behind. He walked onto the plane with nothing but a heavy heart.

It had been ten years since he last shed a tear, but it was for the same boy.

‘You gave me too much space. Now someone else took your spot’, he heard Gun’s voice, and he turned around to stare at his passenger seat, seeing Gun sitting beside him with a bored look on his face, ‘Why’re you even upset? You bought it onto yourself’

‘I guess I did’, Off’s voice was broken and hollow from the crying, snot dripping down his nose, ‘But that doesn’t mean it hurts less’

‘Well, you better hurry and stop crying. The real me can be out any minute’, Gun disappeared suddenly and when he saw the lights turn off inside the living room, he immediately grabbed his bag from the passenger seat, taking out his tissues and concealer. He bit his lip and forced himself to stop crying, wiping the dried tears from his cheeks and burying the red in his eyes with powder he had in his bag.

‘It’s just a kiss’, he kept on repeating to himself, ‘No big deal. One kiss is not a big deal’

If he carried on saying it, maybe he’ll end up believing it.


	13. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: smut

**February 2023**

They all gathered around at Tay and New’s house when their friends called them over for dinner and an announcement. Ever since their rejection, they’ve been aloof and silent about the situation, but Off suggested them to a lawyer his dad knew. It was worrying when he received a text from Tay rejecting his offer, so the dinner was filled with worry.

Even Mild and Jane were invited, not that Tay or New weren’t close with them, it was just… Why were they all inside their house on a weekday?

‘Okay, I know we should apologise for the way we’ve behaved over the past couple of months’, Tay begun as soon as they started dinner, ‘We should’ve assured you guys that we’re fine’

‘And are you?’, Jane asked, looking at them curiously, analysing their body language to see if they were lying.

‘Yeah, we are’, New butted in, ‘In fact, we’re more than happy now’

‘Why? Did something happen?’, Alice asked them, holding Arm’s hand under the table and squeezing it worryingly.

‘We spoke to the adoption centre and they say if we could prove that we’re compatible parents, then we could reapply and they’ll process it through’, Tay explained excitedly, making everyone pause for a moment, looking at each other with confused expression.

‘And how’re you supposed to prove that?’, Arm asked.

‘Well, we decided to foster first’, New explained, ‘It’ll be hard, but the process would be more accepting of us. On the plus side, it’s also temporary, the local authority and their birth parents will still be their legal guardian, we’ll be more like their carers until they find a permanent home’

‘And, you’re gonna foster a kid for a couple of months?’

‘Or maybe a couple of years. It depends on how old the kid is’, New explained, and this is where he breathed out with a sigh, looking at each of their friends, ‘This is actually where we need your help’

‘Ours?’, Mild asked, ‘Why do you need our help?’

‘We don’t decide which kid we can foster’, New explained, ‘The local authority said there are kids they believe need foster parents due to their behaviour, so we have a feeling they might give us the-’

‘Troubled kid?’, Arm finished his sentence for him, nodding his head in understanding.

‘We need to look good for the adoption centre’, Tay explained, ‘And you know the saying, it takes a village to raise a child’

‘You want us to raise them for you?’

‘No. We just need extra hands, you know… Just in case they lash out or start trouble. They’ll need to have more than us to take care of them. On the plus side, if we succeed, it’ll make things easier for you guys to adopt in the future too’

‘You’ve got a point’, Gun nodded, looking down at his food and thinking for a moment. He was easily swayed at the thought of having the easier road to adoption compared to his friends, so he immediately agreed, reaching his hand out to give New a comforting pat on the back, ‘We’ll help you out’

‘Speak for yourself’, Off finally jumped into the conversation, being the only one who carried on eating whilst they were having this discussion, ‘I want nothing to do with it’

‘Woah, come on Off’, his best friend called out to him, ‘This is for you too. Don’t you wanna adopt?’

‘Yeah, but I’m not gonna use another kid as a pawn to get what I want’, Off replied, not afraid to look up at his best friend with a menacing glare that was unprovoked and clearly no one knew why he was being angry at a simple plan that made a lot of sense to them.

‘Off, calm down. I think it’s a great idea’, Jane called out to him, ‘I don’t know why you’re pissed’

‘Because you’re using a kid that clearly has shit going on in their life as nothing more than a chess piece. Do any of you even know what the hell you’re gonna put that kid through?’, Off furrowed his eyes in frustration, irritated that their friends couldn’t see the problem, ‘You’re gonna throw them back to the foster system once you’re done using them. Do you think that’ll prove that you’re ready to be parents, by willing to discard a kid once you’re done with them?’

‘You’re taking this out of context’, Alice called out to him, ‘That’s how the foster system works. Foster homes are supposed to be temporary until their birth parents fix themselves up or they find permanent homes elsewhere’

‘Why can’t you foster a kid and just adopt them later on?’

‘You know we want a baby’, New defended himself, ‘I mean, these kids, they still keep in contact with their parents, so it’ll be weird-’

‘Will it?’, Off interrupted him, ‘I just don’t understand how you can easily use a kid for your own beneficial gains’

‘Can’t you see, that’s not what they’re doing?’, Gun rolled his eyes and argued back when Off continued to argue with all of them, ‘They’re giving this kid an opportunity to live in this house, to apply to a good school in a good neighbourhood and in exchange, it might help levitate the current stigma against couples like us when it comes to adopting’

‘I, more than anyone, knows what it’s like and trust me, this does no good to the kid’

‘Not everything is about you or your situation though’, Gun pointed back, finally shutting up Off who looked at his husband, ‘This is slightly different and I think both Tay and New can make this decision without having to carry around your pessimistic opinions over it’

Off chuckled at his husband, but there was no smile on his face. Instead he raised an eyebrow at Tay who kept his mouth shut, ‘Fine. Do what you want, but I’m not gonna be part of it’

* * *

**March 2023**

‘His name is Frank’

‘I don’t care’, Off replied as he walked into the break room, ignoring Mild who clearly was dying to talk about the kid Tay and New were given.

‘Look, Off, we have a problem’, Mild whined as she tugged his sleeves, forcing him to look at her, ‘We didn’t expect-’

‘Like I said, I don’t care’, Off faked a smile at her, pulling his sleeves back and getting himself coffee before going back to his office, ‘They have a kid, now it’s their job not to fuck it up. They signed up for it, not us’

‘Frank’s a teenager’, Mild continued talking despite Off’s lack of interest, ‘They actually gave them a teenager! I mean not only is this kid going through puberty, but he has no emotional development with Tay or New and you know how important that is in a parental relationship and it’s usually done during their childhood years’

‘I’m not a social worker, so I wouldn’t know’, Off sarcastically replied and it frustrated Mild at his lack of care for their friends’ future.

‘He’s been suspended and expelled in multiple schools and his grades are practically non existent’, Mild explained to him, ‘You were the smartest person in our class, so-’

‘Nope, Gun was’, off corrected her, knowing where she was getting at and refusing to even hear it, ‘Ask him to tutor the kid. Unlike me, he’s actually on board with this shit’

‘You were always socially smarter than Gun’, Mild pointed out, ‘You knew how to help people. Fuck, that’s your job right now’

‘I work on people’s public image. I’m not a therapist’, Off sighed, blowing at his mug as he sipped his coffee, about to walk out from the break room when Mild reached out to hold his hands.

‘Tay needs you. He needs your help. I know you don’t agree with their process, but you have to understand where they’re coming from. Please?’

* * *

‘Off!’, New gasped the moment he opened the door and saw the man standing on the other side. Before the latter could reply, New pulled him into a warm embrace, squeezing him tight until he was begging to be let go.

‘It was Mild’s idea’, Off gasped out whilst he was trying to get away from him, ‘Don’t thank me’

‘I thought we were gonna get someone who was probably nine or ten, but this kid is thirteen’, New whispered to him as he guided him to the kitchen where Tay was, eating his lunch whilst on the phone with his parents who were clearly as shocked about the situation as they were.

For a second, Off didn’t feel any sympathy. They had it coming when they decided they thought it was easy to pass around a kid like an object, but the moment he saw Tay’s expression, he felt a tinge of guilt at his lack of understanding for his best friend. He assumed to quickly and maybe he was a bit of a bitch about it.

‘Where’s the kid?’, Off asked.

‘We showed him to his room. He’s still in there. He won’t have lunch’

‘He’s probably overwhelmed’, Off sighed. He remembered the first night he arrived in London and how different everything was. He was so used to have his work painted in a certain way, the moment he realised that everything was different, it made his stomach churn. He could only imagine that was what the kid was feeling, but every few months where he’s moved around from one house to the other, ‘I’ll see if I can bring him out’, he whispered to New, patting his arm as he reached out for a snack lying on the kitchen counter, ‘Take care of Tay’, he whispered before he left, walking up the stairs to the guest bedroom where it was closed.

‘Hey, kid’, he knocked on the door, waiting for a reply, but it never came, ‘My name’s Off Jumpol, but you can just call me P’Off. I’m your new dads’ friend. Call me Uncle if you want’

It seemed like what he said had an instant effect on the kid when he saw the door swing open, a short boy with a slim frame and messy hair glaring up at him.

‘They’re not my dad!’, he shouted at him with his squeaky voice. It was hard not to hold in his laughter at the way his voice would break mid speech and when the boy caught him biting his lip to stop himself from laughing, he walked out and pushed Off’s torso. But the kid was too short and skinny to do much impact on him, so he looked down and watch Frank attempt to push him one more time.

‘Look, punch me all you want, but with your built, you’re not even gonna make a dent on me’, Off chuckled, immediately gripping the boy’s wrists when he had enough, ‘Now, what’s your problem?’

‘They’re not my dad’, Frank spat out again.

‘Daddy issues’, Off commented, more to himself as he tried to read the boy in front of him, ‘Much more upsetting now that you’ve got two of them to remind you of the one that left’

Off blunt statement resulted in Frank spitting on his face, a trail of saliva landing on his cheeks.

‘Not cute kid’, Off sighed, letting go of one wrist as he wiped the spit off his face, ‘Look, I’m sure everyone around you loves to sugar coat things, so I’ll be the nice Uncle who keeps it real for you’, he bent down so he could be on the same level as Frank, softening his grip on his wrist, ‘Your attitude isn’t cute and your new dads might tolerate it for a bit, but they’ll get sick of it sooner or later so you’ll have to fix yourself up if you wanna stay in this nice house with your new parents’

‘They’re not my parents. None of them are ever my parents’, Frank bit back at him, kicking his leg to force him to let go, ‘None of them care about me’

‘That’s not true. Those two adult downstairs are waiting for you to be their kid’

‘I know exactly what they’re doing. They’ve all done it before’, Frank spat back again, but Off dodged before it could hit his face again, ‘They use me to impress the centre so they could give them an actual baby to raise and then they dump me back there. Fuck you if you think that’s not what they’re doing again’

‘I knew it’, Off whispered to himself. Kids aren’t stupid and they get used to the system real quick, especially if they’ve been there before, ‘Well, can I tell you a secret at least?’

‘What?’, Frank whined, still trying to get Off’s hands off him, but the adult was strong, ‘What do you want from me?’

‘Tay and New always wanted a son’, Off smiled at him, ‘So I don’t think they’ll be letting you go any time soon. I can promise you that’, he knew that was a lie. He knew his friends’ only thought this was going to be temporary, and he hated how he had become the adult who lies. He hated all the adults in his life for luring all the time and here he was, repeating the process to the next kid. Hypocrisy had started to grow large in Off, but for the sake of the kid’s mind, he might as well create an illusion for the time being.

Frank stopped squirming and Off could tell he was dying to believe his words. When he sensed the boy was too tired to fight him back, he finally let go of his wrist, reaching out instead to comb back his hair, fixing it.

‘Now, why don’t you spend lunch with your new guardians?’, Off asked him, not using the ‘dad’ word since he knew that might trigger him again, ‘They’re really excited to meet you’

Frank’s eyes were hollow yet still childlike. Off felt pity for someone else other than him. He probably looked like that when he would visit Mrs Pho in the middle of the night and he wondered if Mrs Pho felt the same wave of pity for him.

* * *

Jingjing had just come back from her holiday in Bora Bora and she was glowing. She excitedly walked in Gun’s home with a perfect tan, her hair flowing behind her as she ran towards her best friend, wrapping him in a warm embrace.

‘How’s my bestie?’, she asked, kissing him on the cheeks as he laughed, bringing her over to the kitchen where he offered her coffee, ‘How’s married life?’

‘Pretty quiet’, Gun commented, passing on the hot coffee, ‘I think we’re way pass the honeymoon phase’

‘It was gonna happen sooner or later’, Jingjing laughed, ‘God, I love being single’, she loved showing off and Gun couldn’t help but laugh at her. Her vacations were always on a short moment’s notice and it allowed her to fly where ever she wanted without the burden of leaving someone else behind. It made Gun jealous for a moment, ‘Anyway, where’s Off? I haven’t seen him in ages. He hasn’t been coming to our get togethers’

‘Yeah, he said he’s busy with work at the moment’, Gun made excuses for him, but it was starting to get on his nerves when he would ask Off to come with him to meet up with his college friends and his husband would make half-assed excuse that didn’t even sound believable.

But he didn’t want to press on, not when he knew Off was probably still upset about what he said to him at Tay and New’s place. For what it’s worth, he knew it probably sounded bitchy, but he was done apologising to Off whenever he found the smallest thing to get angry about. It was making his silent behaviour excusable.

‘Well, bring him along for tonight’, Jingjing urged him on about their meet up with their other college friends, ‘It’ll be fun and the whole group misses him’

‘Yeah, maybe’, Gun nodded, but he didn’t whether Off would be willing to go to him to a club when his husband was known to hate such places.

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

Off drove him to Tay’s house as soon as Gun stepped into the garage, leaving behind his car as he went inside Off’s instead. They kept quiet, an awkward silence looming over them as Off kept his eyes on the road. They didn’t know who should be pissed and with whom. The silence spoke louder than the raised voices and sometimes Gun wished Off would lash out at least once.

‘I supposed you don’t wanna shout at me because you don’t want an argument’, Gun finally broke the silence, ‘You don’t wanna make your parents mistakes and all that shit’

‘Glad to know you’re on board with that’, off replied, coughing a little as if to fix his voice.

‘Maybe show that you’re a little pissed at least’, Gun almost sounded like he was begging, but it still didn’t hit a reaction from the former.

‘I’m not pissed’, Off simply replied, ‘A little overwhelmed, but I’m not pissed’

‘Okay, then what was your guitar doing on the floor broken?’

‘Probably just dropped when I put it down’, Off simply replied. It was as if the two were tiptoeing around the actual subject which should’ve been discussed, but what more was there to talk about? Off new the lead up to a kiss and he could only assume Gun wanted it. He was too cruel to himself to make up a lie that hurt less.

‘I’m sorry for bringing Jay to our house. I know I shouldn’t have done that’

‘Well, at least someone’s staying there. I was scared the groceries were gonna go bad again’

‘Again?’, Gun asked and he furrowed his brow, remembering their fully stacked food in the fridge, ‘Did you buy them?’

I thought you’d come back at some point’, Off admitted, ‘I didn’t want you to come back to an empty house, so I stocked up once in a while’

‘Did you clean the house too?’

‘From time to time’, Off replied, coughing again as he looked out of his window, checking his reflection before turning back to face the front.

They finally arrived at Tay’s house and when Off parked his car outside, he waited for Gun to leave, but he stayed seated, looking at the front and watching the wind blew the leaves away from the trees.

‘I’m sorry for kissing him’, Gun said, breaking the silence one last time as he waited for Off to reply to him.

‘I would say it’s okay, but… I don’t really feel like it’, Off finally responded, turning off his engines and unlocking his car, ‘You could do whatever you want Gun, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it’

‘Then show it’, Gun replied, ‘Say you’re angry’

‘Okay fine, I’m angry’, Off closed his eyes and raised his voice, ‘I’m fucking pissed that you thought it was a good idea to bring Jaylerr to our home. I’m livid, but what is that going to do?’, his raised voice was better than the silence, but Gun realised it wasn’t as good as he expected it to be, ‘I can shout at you all I want right now but what’s the point? Would that reverse time and stop you from kissing him? No, so it’s better to keep quiet and let it pass before I do something I might regret’

‘You didn’t ask me why I kissed him’

‘I don’t need to know why’, Off said, ‘The fact of the matter is that you did. So, please, get out of the car because I need to get back to work’

Gun took off his seatbelt, opening the door and slamming it shut, refusing to look at Off who immediately turned on his engines and drove away before Gun could change his mind and knock at his window to talk to him about it.

‘Dick!’, he shouted at the car as it disappeared at the end of the road.

* * *

Off arrived back to his company building where everyone was patiently waiting for him. He had on a calm expression, despite the growing rumours that ran this morning the morning Jaylerr walked in to talk to him in the break room. He walk was peaceful, calm paces as he arrived to the meeting room where Mild and Jyalerr’s management team was.

‘Off, you’re back’, Mild stood up as soon as he opened the door, but he didn’t step inside.

‘Where’s Jaylerr?’, he asked, and the whole team looked at each other nervously.

‘He’s in the recording studio. Why?’, his manager responded to him and Off immediately slammed the door shut, pacing quicker to the other side of the building where the studio was.

‘Shit. Not good’, Mild hissed to herself as she abandoned her work, opening the door and running to where Off was, ‘Off, come on, come on, don’t!’, she twisted her ankle trying to run after her friend, forcing her to take off her stupid heels, her bare feet grazing against the carpet floors.

No one knew whether to react or stay calm. Off Jumpol was the most level-headed person they’d met and even when artists and actors were having a breakdown in the middle of the room, Off would be the one who would calm them down and talk things out with them without the need of raised voices or punches, so they all stayed still, just looking at each other and wondering what Off might to do their new talent.

‘Off, come on, not at work. Punch him outside so you won’t get fired’, Mild gasped the moment she reached off, gripping his arm to stop him from moving, but it was too late. They had already arrived at the studio and he kicked the door open the moment he saw Jay inside, ‘Off!’

‘P’Off’, Jaylerr stood up the moment the man made his presence clear.

‘What’s going on?’, the sound director asked, turning off the music mid record and taking off his headphones.

‘Given our relationship, I think I’ve been more than nice to you’, off sighed, and his calm expression is what scared Mild the most as he looked down and adjusted his cuff links, ‘But you’re starting to really piss me off’

‘Look P’Off, I’m sorry’, Jaylerr spoke, stepping back when he saw Off step forward, ‘I didn’t mean to. Gun kissed me first, so I kissed him back. I thought he wanted it’

‘I don’t care who wanted it’, Off said to him, ‘But not in my goddamn house’, and with that, Mild screamed the moment Off’s fist met Jaylerr’s jaw, punching him to the ground where they heard a loud thud, their new talent holding his face in pain.

‘Shit’, Mild whispered, her eyes rounded in shock when she witnessed how hard Off punched. She walked over and pulled him back, tugging him by his collar, ‘Enough Off, enough’

‘Dude, that’s gonna cost you your job’, the sound director, who was clearly unfazed by this, looked to the ground and tuts at the way Jaylerr groaned in pain, ‘You better hope he can still sing. We need to finish his album’

‘I didn’t hit him that hard’, Off rolled his eyes at the former’s overreaction. He looked down at his own knuckles which were still clear. If he hit hard, than his hands would’ve bruised over already, ‘He’ll be fine’

‘But you won’t be. Off Jumpol, in my office. Now’, they all turn around and to Mild’s worst nightmare, stood their CEO with his hands behind his back as he glared down at the fallen boy, his voice stern and angry as he called Off to follow him.

‘Oh God’, Mild sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she watched Off leave. She wanted to beg her boss, to ask him to let this one slide, but their CEO was known for his attitude and she didn’t want to go on his bad side either, ‘Fuck’

* * *

**March 2023**

‘I’m not going. You know I hate clubbing’

‘Yeah, I know, but you’re stressed from work so I thought this might help’

‘You and I relieve stress very differently’, Off sighed, looking down at his screen as he continued to type, ‘You should know that by now’

‘I do’, Gun held his frustrations in, biting his lip and leaning on the wall as he watched Off in his home office which he’d spending most of his time in rather than their bedroom, ‘I just wanted you and I to have some fun. Even work’s starting to get to me’

‘Then go have fun. I heard Jingjing will be there. Take some time off for yourself. You don’t always need me there’

Gun used to love this about Off. Unlike his other exes, he was never controlling on who he goes out with and where. He’d always find Off supporting him when he wanted to go on a weekend getaway with his friends and he didn’t have his mood ruined at constant paranoid text messages. But now that he’s asking, it was as if Off kept forcing him to spend time without him with the excuse that marriages are supposed to be healthy if they both do their own thing.

‘Okay, fine’, Gun gave up, ‘Stay here then. Don’t expect me to be home early’

‘Okay’, Off nodded matter of factly, only make Gun annoyed as he closed the door, walking back to his room.

* * *

‘I think Off just wants to focus on work. You shouldn’t be pissed at him for that’, Jingjing shouted at his ear, the music blasting to the point where they can’t hear each other. Gun and his best friend were still sitting at the bar whilst the rest of their friends made their way to the dance floor.

Jingjing looked stunning in her glitter makeup, topped with a beautiful dress which hugged her figure perfectly. Gun knew everyone was eyeing her up and down and he stayed close beside her, glaring at the ugly suitors who even tried. But he also had his own worries, gnawing at his mind when he noticed just how quiet Off had been over the past couple of months. He didn’t want to conclude without digging into it some more, but ever since he reunited with his dad, it was as if he gained something in return of a loss.

‘I just don’t know why Off would be so against of my dad coming back’, Gun sighed, drinking his gin and tonic, ‘I mean, I’ve been patient with him, but he doesn’t seem to wanna open up’

‘He doesn’t need to speak in words to tell you what he’s feeling’, Jingjing said, waving her hand to order for another drink, ‘It’s not that hard to put the pieces together if you just paid attention’

‘And what am I supposed to piece?’, Gun whined, ‘That he’s projecting his trauma on me?’

‘That wouldn’t be too far fetched’, Jingjing nodded, biting her lip as she tipped her head back to down another shot, feeling the bitter taste of alcohol down her throat, ‘Didn’t you say he had a fucked up family life?’

‘But what’s that got to do with me?’, Gun closed his eyes, still confused about the situation, ‘I don’t do that to him’

‘So?’, Jingjing laughed at him, ‘People have different defence mechanisms. You get wasted and forget everything and he stays still and remembers it all’

Gun thought about it for second, but in the end he decided to join Jingjing when she pulled him to the dance floor, getting wasted and dancing with his friends. It had been a long time and it felt so good to be free. He’d been avoiding clubbing ever since Off asked him not to, but he was ecstatic when the music began to play, making him jump and dance crazily, shouting the lyrics to the songs and laughing when his friends would get it wrong.

Strobe lights flashed across them, hues of red and green blinding them as the beat drops, bodies pressed up against each other, forgetting the rest of the world for one night. It made Gun feel alive and forget all the worries he carried when he came here.

* * *

‘Gun’s drunk’

‘Of course, he is’, Off sighed as soon as he picked up Jingjing’s call, hearing the wasted girl talking about how Gun was laying on the pavement, flat out drunk.

‘Can you come pick us up? Our designated is wasted too’

‘Unbelievable’, Off whispered to himself, looking down at his work which he still hadn’t finished, ‘Which club are you at?’

‘Hearts Link. It’s the one downtown’, Off rolled his eyes, getting up from his desk and grabbing his keys, stopping out of his home office and cursing under his breath. Every single fucking time.

‘I’ll be there’, Off said, and just as he was about to hang up, Jingjing called out his name, begging him to stay on the phone.

‘Off! Did Gun’s dad keep in touch with you by any chance?’

‘No’, Off replied, wondering why Jingjing was suddenly asking about his husband’s dad, ‘Why?’

‘Gun’s been wondering why you don’t like him’, Jingjing’s voice was slurred and he wondered just how drunk she got too, ‘Maybe he called you and told you he didn’t approve of you or whatever’

‘No, that’s not the case’, Off replied, plugging his phone to his car whilst he turned the engines on, letting Jingjing’s voice play on his speakers.

‘Then why don’t you wanna visit him’

‘I don’t feel like it’, off shrugged her suspicions away, ‘You know the deal. In laws are a nightmare’

‘Liar’, Jingjing laughed, hearty and full, ‘You’re a liar’

‘Jingjing, you’re drunk. Make sure you stay inside and stay as a group. You don’t know what’ll happen’, Off warned him as he started driving.

‘Off, are you jealous of your own husband?’, Jingjing whispered, giggling to herself. It irritated Off to hear her voice teasing him, but the girl was drunk, so he didn’t pay much attention to her, ‘You’re jealous because everyone says your stronger than Gun but in reality, you know he’s stronger than you’

‘I’m gonna hang up. I’ll be there in twenty’, he turned off his phone, focusing on driving ahead as he shook Jingjing’s words away from his head. For someone who was pissed off her face and not even that close with him, she managed to hit every point that’s been killing him lately. He didn’t know whether to be impressed by her or be pissed at himself for being too obvious.

He supposed some things have changed and he wasn’t too welcoming to the idea, but conflict and friction wasn’t something he liked, so instead of voicing it out, he pretended it didn’t bother him and kept his mouth shut. Silence was much more peaceful.

By the time he arrived at the club, he asked the security for his husband to which the bouncer rolled his eyes and pointed at the group of five passed out adults sleeping at the front entrance, leaning on one another which something stained on their shirt, probably vomit.

‘Insanity’, he whispered to himself as he bit the inside of his cheeks, opening his car doors and dragging each person inside, ‘Stupid idiots’, he cursed under his breath, heaving them one by one until he ran breathless, leaning on the hood of his car as he tried to catch his breath.

He turned back to look at the last person, laid on the floor with his mouth open. Gun was splurged on the floor with no care in the world and in that moment, he was jealous. It took guts to open up to someone and Off didn’t even have the courage to tell his best friend about all his troubles, so he knew it was going to take a bit of work opening up to Gun. But he thought he’d have the rest of his life to sort it it. He was malleable, he knew that. He knew he can change for Gun, but like clay, the heat from the fire will turn him solid, to the point where the only way out is to smash him into pieces.

‘Come here’, he sighed as he used the rest of his energy to pick up Gun, carrying him bridal style as he placed him inside the passenger seat.

‘Mhm’, Gun mumbled when he opened his eyes for a bit, squinting at Off and smiling, ‘Oh, you look just like my husband’

‘Oh really?’, Off decided to play along, putting on his seatbelt and adjusting him so his head resting on the side just in case he wanted to throw up, ‘How so?’

‘He’s really handsome’, Gun smiled to himself, coughing a little from the bitter after taste of alcohol still stuck in his throat. Off smiled at Gun’s answer, combing his hair back and wiping the sweat off his face.

‘That’s nice to hear’

‘He also has the same sad eyes’, Gun’s next answer left Off frozen. He looked at the way Gun stared at him, his cheeks flushed red and lips parted as he breathed though his mouth, probably forcing himself not to puke.

‘What sad eyes?’, he asked.

‘Like no one’s listening to him’, Gun chuckled, rolling his eyes and whining, ‘But everyone has been listening to him. He’s just an idiot who won’t open his mouth and speak. I’m getting sick and tired of it’

‘Just go to sleep. I’ll drop you home’, Off sighed as he stroked Gun’s hair back, closing the door and walking back to the driver’s seat, having to individually squeeze the addresses out of Gun’s friends so he can drop him off.

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

‘I have every reason to suspend you right now’, the CEO sighed, crossing his arm on the desk and staring at one of his favourite employee, ‘I don’t care what the two of you have against each other, but under my company, you’ll pretend that you’re the best of friends. Got it?’

‘Yes, sir’, Off nodded his head in submission, passively agreeing with every word thrown at him no matter how much he wanted to go back and punch Jaylerr again.

‘It’s not just my artists’ image I need to protect. What if the public finds out about this? Headlines will accuse me of hiring abusers to take care of my artists, and you know how these young fans act. One stain on their precious idol and they hound like dogs’

‘I know, sir’

‘Then why did you punch him? I thought you had the strength to hold it in, no matter how much they fight back?’

‘I lost control. I apologise, sir’

‘Well, don’t let it happen again’, the CEO warned him, ‘Celebrities are just as filthy as the rest of us, but it’s your job to wipe their image clean. Now, you can’t do that if you’re punching them every time they act like a brat. They’re all self-centred, that’s why they got into this business, so pipe down and do whatever you need to do to boost their ego. Got it?’

‘Yes sir’

‘Now get out and apologise to Jaylerr’

‘Yes sir’

* * *

**March 2023**

‘Off!’

‘What now?’, Off whined as he parked his car in his garage, whining as he hit the stirring wheel when he got a call from New, ‘It’s three o’clock in the morning and I just got home’, he replied to New, Gun sleeping soundlessly beside him after he just finished dropping each of his friends back to their home.

‘Frank’s missing. He’s run away again’, New called him, a strain on his voice from all the shouting.

‘Let him. He needs the time away’

‘Off, he’s thirteen years old and it’s the middle of the night’, New begged him, ‘He’s not safe’

‘Okay, okay’, Off leaned back on his chair, pressing his hands to his face as he closed his eyes and counted to three, ‘Where are you?’

‘Tay’s driven downtown and he told me to stay home just in case he comes back’

‘Okay good, someone needs to be home’, Off nodded, ‘I’ll look around the town centre, a lot of the shops would still be opened’, he didn’t know whether he was blessed to live in a city that never sleeps, but he didn’t have time to think about it as he turned on his engines – again – driving away from his home as he searched for a bratty little boy lost in Bangkok with his husband still unconscious on the passenger seat.

* * *

Off looked around, scanning the crowd that didn’t look like it was going to subside as he made it to the town centre. He parked his car by the side of the road, turning to slowly wake Gun up.

‘Hey, babe, wake up’, he shook him softly, stirring him awake to which he whined a little, murmuring for him to stop moving, ‘Gun, I need you to help me look for Frank’, he whispered to Gun, not wanting to give him a headache just in case the alcohol was still in his system.

‘Frank?’, Gun’s voice was croaky, his eyes still closed as he stirred away, ‘What happened?’

‘He ran away again’, Off informed, ‘It’s the middle of the night and he could be anywhere, so we need to find him quick’

‘Wait, are you serious?’, Gun croaked out, rubbing his eyes together until his vision was clear, ‘Where’s Tay?’

‘I just called him. Thankfully he’s not downtown, so he said he’ll meet me here’, Off explained to him, taking out his phone, ‘I’m gonna meet him outside, you stay here and look out for him just in case you see him walking around’

‘Okay’, he nodded, his muscles to weak to even move, so he let Off go, leaving his car keys with his as he ran to Tay who was already waiting for him with a worried expression on his face. Gun looked at his friend, watching Tay say something to Off whilst the latter gave him a hug, the two walking down the road, shouting Frank’s name.

He contemplated whether to call the police, but he knew if he did, the social services will also come over and assess the situation. It wouldn’t look good for Tay and New so he held his breath and prayed that Frank will show up. As just as watched the two friends turn a corner, disappearing from his view, he squinted his eyes to find someone else tailing them – a short kid with messy hair and a slim frame – hiding by one of the alleys, staring out at them as he leaned on the brick wall.

‘Jesus Christ’, he gasped, taking Off’s keys as he managed to used as much energy to get out of the car whilst he was still drunk, locking the door and walking over to the teenager.

‘Frank, what the hell?’, Gun called out to him, holding onto his hand much to the latter’s surprise, turning back to see Gun.

‘You!’, Frank shouted, trying to pull his hand away. Despite being drunk, Gun used his strength to pull him back, ‘What’re you doing?! Let me go?!’

‘Why’re you following them?’, Gun asked, not knowing if he was still drunk or just confused as to why the kid was following Tay and Off and not the other way round, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be running away?’

‘None of your business. Let me go!’, Frank shouted at him, but Gun’s headache was slowly starting to make him dizzy, so he just pulled Frank to Off’s car, opening the backseat and pushing him in.

‘Look, I would be nice to you, but I’m drunk and I have a headache, so I suggest you just tell me what’s going on’

‘I don’t wanna live there’, Frank yelled at him, crossing his arms and avoiding Gun’s stare whilst he sat in the backseat with him.

‘Why not?’, Gun asked, looking at the boy up and down and seeing he was still in his uniform but his white shirt was stained with dust. He wiped the dirt away, trying to take care of the boy who only pushed him back in retaliation, ‘Are Tay and New not being nice?’

‘They’re not my parents’, Frank bit back.

‘Yes, they’re your legal guardian’, Gun nodded, ‘Which means they’re choosing to be your parental figure. Doesn’t that make you feel special?’

‘They were dumped with me. They don’t want me’

‘You know that’s a lie. You’ve been following Tay around all night haven’t you?’, Gun smiled, finding a small vulnerability in the boy that he can extract, ‘You’ve never had anyone look for you like that, haven’t you?’

Frank didn’t say anything. He just kept pushing him back and avoiding eye contact but he was just a boy. He was easy to read. Gun watched the way he looked at Tay with curiosity in his eyes and it reminded him of dogs who looked confused when a human raised their hand for the first time to pet them instead of beating them. They’re still scared but curious at the action.

‘I don’t like them’

‘The way you say that, you’re making me think you actually do’, Gun chuckled, leaning his head back to stop his headache, massaging his temples as he took out his phone, ‘Trust me, I used to say that to myself all the time about someone I thought I hated. You wanna know what happened?’

‘What?’

‘I ended up marrying him’, Gun laughed as he dialled Tay’s number, waiting for him to pick up to inform him that he found Frank.

* * *

‘Frank! Jesus, you scared me!’, Tay shouted as he ran to Off’s car, opening he backseat and pulling Frank to an embrace, kissing his forehead and making the boy whine, ‘Where have you been?!’

‘None of your business’, Frank whined, but unlike his treatment with Gun, he didn’t push Tay away, letting the man squeeze him to a hug.

‘Well, this was an eventful night’, Off commented, joining his best friend as he leaned on his car, sliding his hands in his pockets, ‘Can I go home now?’, he waited for Tay to stop hugging the boy now, wanting to kick him out so he can go home and sleep.

‘Why don’t we stay for a bit and get ice cream?’, Tay suggested, making everyone turn to look at him.

‘Aren’t you gonna punish me?’, Frank asked.

‘Yeah, aren’t you gonna punish him?’, Off and Gun joined in, questioning their best friend who only showed a bright smile on his face as he stroked Frank’s hair back.

‘I’ll let New do that’, Tay said, turning to his best friend and winking at him, ‘I always said I’ll be the cool dad’

‘Disgusting’, Off rolled his eyes, but he started laughing at how stupid Tay still was even though he officially had a teenager under his care, ‘Come on. I saw a place that sells ice cream down the block. Since I’ve been up all night, I think I deserve a treat too’, Off gave in easily, letting Tay hold Frank’s hand as they walked towards the ice cream stall.

‘Thanks for picking me up by the way’, Gun whispered, the married couple walking behind Tay and Frank.

‘You’re my husband, I’m not gonna let you sleep on the streets now am I?’, Off chuckled, reaching out to offer his hand to hold to which Gun gladly took, intertwining their fingers together as they walked on, Gun leaning on Off’s shoulders.

‘You know, I think you’ll make a great dad someday too’, Gun commented when they watched Tay argue with Frank about ice cream flavours, laughing at the way Tay flailed his arms around, whining how his kid could be so basic as to choose vanilla.

‘They literally have cookie dough and Oreos. How could you not choose them?!’, Tay looked at Frank in disbelief who only stuck his tongue out as he started eating the vanilla ice cream.

‘Leave him Tay’, Off laughed, patting his best friend on the shoulder, ‘I’ll have cookie dough with you’

‘As expected’, Tay smiled, ‘I can trust my best friend to have taste’

‘You guys are weird’, Gun said, but he couldn’t laugh at the way the two acted like kids when they were together. Unlike the others, he opted for mango flavour, sitting with the others as he tried to sober up, laughing at the way Tay told the story of him frantically looking around for Frank, almost falling down the stairs on the way out.

The rest of the night was calm, Frank slowly stopped shouting whenever they tried to joke with him, finishing his ice cream in peace without the need to constantly fight back. It was a short progress, but they new their friends were heading in the right direction and they could only root for them to keep going.

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

‘Where are you going?’, Mild asked when she saw Off packing up in his office, closing his briefcase. She nervously walked in and watched him, not knowing what their CEO had decided.

‘He said I’m still in the team and I’m only getting a warning’, Off replied to her, a sigh of relief coming from Mild, ‘But he told me to take the rest of the day off today and start tomorrow’

‘God, he’s only been here for a couple of weeks and he’s already getting on my nerves’, Mild closed her eyes for a second. She stopped herself from cursing just in case their boss comes in and hears them, but she was slowly losing her patience with Jaylerr too, ‘I would’ve helped you take him down’

‘You would’ve lost your job’, Off laughed, ‘I don’t think it’ll be worth it and Jane will definitely kill me if she found out’

‘Either way. I think he’s stupid’, Mild combed her hair back. Off didn’t have anymore energy to fight, not when he had to listen to his boss shout at him for fifteen minutes straight for the first time since he got hired.

‘Hello, P’Off, can I talk to you?’, they heard a knock on his door and when they turned around, they spotted Jaylerr waiting on the other side with a bandage on his jaw.

‘What the hell do you want?’, Mild asked, ‘Haven’t you done enough already?’

‘I need to speak with P’Off’, Jaylerr told her, ‘In private’

‘You can come in my office’, Off told him, leaning on his desk as he watched Jay stepped in, ‘What is it?’, he watched as Jaylerr slowly looked at Mild then back to him with an urging expression, ‘Whatever you wanna say to me, you can say to Mild. She’ll probably end up knowing sooner or later anyway’, Off replied to his looks, urging the man to continue speaking.

‘Look, I just wanna apologise’, Jay began, even though it was uncomfortable the way Mild stared at him, as if she was burning holes in his skin, ‘I do admit, I’ve been a little out of line recently’

‘A little?’, Mild scoffed, crossing her arm and leaning on the desk beside Off.

‘When I first met Gun, he told me things were complicated. Then when I met him at the bar again, he said he was getting a divorce and he couldn’t wait to be free again. I mean, I thought the two of you were over, so I thought it was okay for me to… You know?’

‘Steal his husband?’

‘Pursue’, Jay corrected Mild who continued to make side comments, ‘I didn’t know there was still a complicated relationship that’s still going on between the two of you, so I deserved that punch’

Off didn’t say a word. He just continued to look at Jaylerr with his hands hidden in his pockets. He probably should’ve listened to the times Gun spoke about him, because he recognised the name yet he still couldn’t place where he belonged in Gun’s life.

‘When did you and Gun meet?’, Off asked suddenly, surprising both people in the room.

‘Uh, probably 2019’

‘And when did you start dating?’

‘Almost immediately after we met’

‘Why did you two break up?’

‘He thought I cheated on him’

‘And did you?’

‘Of course, not’, Jaylerr scoffed, shaking his head aggressively, ‘I was travelling all over Thailand to share my music. I was desperate to get signed back then so I would say yes to performances in small bars last minute and he thought I’d disappear for days just to fuck’

‘Why didn’t you tell him you went away for work?’

‘I did, but Gun still didn’t believe me’, Jaylerr sighed, ‘He had this habit of pushing people away if they didn’t make sense to him anymore. Sometimes he reads you in a different way then what you actually are and he comes up with a conclusion that fits his mind but not reality. That’s why I kinda hated him when we were together’

‘Then why’re you interested in him now?’, Off asked, his voice calm and finally collected after breaking down for the first time in a while.

‘Well, you would know, wouldn’t you?’, Jaylerr pointed the question back at him. He hid his smile, but Off caught it before it disappeared. The small smile was oddly familiar to him and he realised it was the same smile he made when he thought about Gun, ‘He just has this energy. It makes you wanna be around him. He’s like a battery, he charges you up so you don’t feel like you’re in a slump all the time’

Off looked away for a second. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the way Jaylerr was talking about Gun.

‘Gun asked me for a divorce almost five months ago’, Off informed him, ‘And he moved out, so technically you’re right. We’re not together anymore’, Mild scrunched her nose and glared at Off as she listened to him speak. She tugged at his sleeves, begging him with her eyes to stop what he’s about to say, ‘So, I wouldn’t say you did anything wrong’

‘Are you… Making excuses for me?’. Jaylerr sounded just as shocked as Mild was at the sudden turn of events.

‘I’m making excuses for myself so I don’t punch you again’, Off corrected him, ‘As far as I’m aware, you both kissed each other, so I can’t only be mad at you’

‘Off, hold on, what’re you trying to get at?’, Mild whispered to him, pulling his arm down.

‘Jay can try and make Gun fall in love with him again, I don’t mind’, Off said to them. He reached for his briefcase and nodded at both of them, walking out of the office, ‘But that doesn’t mean I won’t try either’, he turned and bowed his head goodbye, closing his office door and leaving.

‘He’s insane’, Mild whispered to herself, massaging her temples as she pushed past Jaylerr and walked out of the office, whereas the man was smiling to himself, turning back to watch Off leave.

‘He’s so fucking cool,’ he heard himself whisper, staying inside his office as he looked around. He saw the multiple framed photos hanging on walls, all of them with celebrities and leaders he met during events. He even had a photo of him attending prestigious award shows. It was weird that he didn’t find any pictures of him with Gun framed around the wall, but when he walked over to his desk, he saw a small square frame, no bigger than a size of his hand.

It was a photo of Gun in his school uniform, smiling as he held up a first place trophy for his violin recital. Jaylerr, in that moment, realised Off was not a show off, unlike him who had Gun plastered around everywhere in his social media, it was enough for Off to only see Gun for himself.

* * *

‘You kissed Jay’, Tay and New simultaneously asked, their mouths hanging down as Gun slowly explained what happened last night.

‘Wait a minute, wait a minute’, Tay stopped him, still trying to wrap his head around things, ‘You thought he was Off so you kissed him?’, he asked again, and when Gun nodded he couldn’t help but curse at him, ‘Why didn’t you tell that to him?’

‘He told me he didn’t want to hear the reason’, Gun sighed, holding onto Bibii who he hadn’t seen all night. Her face was all red, her eyes covered by the fur which had started to grow, yet she still barked excitedly when she saw Gun walking in, licking his face as he picked her up.

‘The lack of communication between the two of you is starting to piss me off’, Tay sighed, pouring himself a glass of ice tea, ‘And I’m not even married to either of you’

‘If someone just tells me what happened in London, maybe I’d know what to talk about with him’

‘Gun, I love you, but I think this situation has been brewing even before London’, New chimed in, reaching his hand to squeeze the former’s, ‘London was just the catalyst, but don’t tell me you haven’t been feeling frustrated with him before that’

‘He’s too quiet. He’s so scared about everything that he tiptoes around every single situation’, Gun unwind, spilling all the worries he’d been burying for a long time now. New was right, the strange uncertain feeling between them had started way before the main explosion, ‘It’s like he’s suddenly too scared to be married anymore’

‘Maybe he’s just too scared for change’, New commented, ‘I mean if you expect to be married for a long time, you have to expect some changes in dynamics’

‘I’m tired of assuming. I’m tired of giving him space. I just wanna end it’, gun banged his head against their kitchen counter, feeling New stroking his back in comfort. Bibii whined at the tight squeeze Gun gave her, licking his cheeks as she looked at him.

‘I mean, it’s looking like that’s the only good option’, Tay sighed, not wanting to admit it, but Off had held it for too long and he was sure that it would be better for them to separate, at least to clear their head, ‘I just hope he agrees to a divorce if he’s not planning to sort himself out soon’

‘And then there’s that stupid annual dinner event’, Gun whimpered, ‘I invited Jay’

‘You what?!’, his friends screamed at him the moment he confessed, making Bibii flinch in shock at their raised voices, barking with them.

‘Every time I’ve finally understand you, you go and do some bullshit again’, Tay yelled at him, taking off his glasses his pinching the bridge of his nose, ‘I think I’m getting grey hair because of you’

‘I thought you said Off was coming with you?’

‘I changed my mind and asked Jay instead’, Gun closed his eyes, ‘I was pissed when Jay told me everyone at work already knew about us and then there’s me… Holding it out. I was willing to pretend to get along with Off to save face in front of my colleagues when I should just tell the truth’

‘Still, I don’t approve of you going out and staying in a hotel with someone like Jay’, New warned him. ‘I think he’s already caused too much trouble’

‘I don’t know’, Gun sighed, ‘I know you guys think that, but I actually enjoy his company’

‘You don’t enjoy it. You’re just desperate for one’, Tay corrected him, pouring himself another glass of ice tea and wishing it was vodka instead.

‘What’s the difference?’, Gun asked, ‘I don’t have to fight when I’m with Jay but when I’m with Off, it’s like… I have to fight to gain his attention. It’s like… He’s not interested in me anymore’

‘What’re you gonna tell Off?’, Tay asked him, ‘Are you gonna say hey sorry for kissing someone else, but I’ve invited him for this work dinner thing instead of you, so goodbye?’

‘You’re acting as if he didn’t do that to me’, Gun furrowed his brow when Tay sarcastically started to attack him, ‘I came home to Frank telling me Off left to go to somewhere without telling me. I couldn’t reach him for three fucking days. A lot can happen in three days’

‘God, the two of you are so frustrating’, Tay sighed, standing up and getting himself some more drink, ‘Just separate for our sake. I’m sick and tired of you hogging my husband and son with your problem’

‘Tay’, New punched his leg but his husband didn’t give a shit. He was slowly losing patience for the two.

‘No, Tay’s right. This is stupid. Of course, I have to go with Off’, Gun shook his head, trying to stop himself from thinking abut Jay, which was easy because the person who invaded his mind was Off, and the way he looked at him this morning, ‘I need to tell Jay he’s not coming with me’

‘Finally, one of them grew a brain’

* * *

‘He’s insane’, Arm sighed as he read Tay’s text messages whilst he massaged Alice’s foot, the two of them watching TV whilst Arm took a day off. They’ve been the most disconnected with everyone else recently since Alice didn’t want to stress too much just in case it hurts the baby, but every time they were informed of what the fuck was happening, it felt like there was still so much debauchery left between Off and Gun.

‘Do you think it was a good idea for them to meet again during the reunion?’, Arm asked his wife, ‘I’m starting to feel like it’s our fault’

‘Off would’ve done the same with a different person. It’s not about them as individuals, not their marriage’, Alice replied, eating sliced peach as she flicked through the channel, rubbing her belly, ‘What’s the tea now?’

‘Gun kissed his ex-boyfriend and invited him to his company dinner event that he was supposed to go to’

‘Oh thank God, finally’, Alice sighed in relief, ‘That’s give Off the balls to finally do something’

‘I don’t think so’, Arm sighed, knowing his friend, ‘He’ll retract more’

‘I bet he‘ll make a scene’, Alice smiled, picking another slice of peach and chewing, ‘He loves making a scene’

‘I don’t know’, Arm looked at the text messages worryingly, ‘I just don’t see how this will benefit anyone’

‘Benefit what?’, they immediately stopped talking once Off arrived at their place, making Alice choke on her peach as they turned to watch him enter the room.

‘How much did you hear?’, they asked Off simultaneously, a nervous expression displayed on their faces, making Off look at them peculiarly, ‘When did you arrive’

‘Just now. Why?’

‘Nothing’

‘Wow, way to make it not obvious’, Off sighed, throwing his car keys on the table as he joined them on the sofa.

‘Why’re you back from work early?’, Arm asked him.

‘I was told to take the day off after I punched Jay’

‘You punched Jay?!’, they both shouted at him. Alice turned to face her husband, instantly smiling at him as if to tell him ‘I told you so’. Arm didn’t wanna admit that his wife was right, especially about his best friend, but he had to admit, maybe Alice knew what she was talking about. She had always been more observant than he was anyway, and maybe she was starting to gain the motherly instinct too, sensing people’s thought just by their actions.

‘Good for you’, Arm stretched his hand out to fist pump Off’s, the pair laughing as they decided to spend the entire afternoon watching TV whilst Alice brought our her sketchbooks of potential baby names.

* * *

**March; 2022**

The house was situated in the main artery of Bangkok, shaded with blossoming trees and an array of different arranged flowers at the entrance. His father had told him the architect created his house for his daughter after she gets married, but she had moved to America to be with her husband so she never lived there.

It had been empty for years and he had been dying to let it go, so his father took the chance to grab it and give it to him instead.

‘This is fucking gorgeous’, Gun gasped as soon as Off parked his car in the garage. The geometrical placing of the house made it look modern, but it was hugged in nature, trees embracing the perimeter to give it a natural mixture. It was a shock that something forgotten could still look new.

‘Like you said. No balconies’, Off said as he turned off the engines and Gun turned to laughed at him when he noticed too. He leaned in and kissed him, resting his hands on his cheeks as they laughed together, excited to see their new home.

The interior were just as marvellous as the outside, clean marbled floors hit their feet as they were greeted with freshly painted white walls, modernistic placement of furniture with antique vases placed on the built ins shelves. There were only a few placed furniture upon Off’s request, since he wanted their own style to merge once they moved in.

‘Could you imagine a table tennis over here beside the TV room?’, Gun pointed out at the empty spaced, his eyes bright with excitement, already planning on the designs as he hurriedly dragged Off by the end, entering one room after another, opening every single light in the process until the whole house finally came to life.

‘There’s even a small pool outside’, Off mentioned as he walked to the garden where a rectangular pool was placed. He pressed the lights from inside, watching the pool light up, floor lights illuminating the way as the night darkened the skies.

‘I can’t believe you got this for us’, Gun smiled, stepping out and hugging Off from behind as they watched the waters run in the pool.

‘I was starting to think the condo was getting smaller. You and your habit of buying clothes will be the death of me’

‘You know I need them’

‘Do you?’, Off laughed as he looked behind to stare at his short husband, nuzzling his nose against his back, ‘Because you wear mine all the time’

‘Don’t judge me’, Gun whined, hugging him tighter, ‘Am I not allowed to keep a bit of you with me?’, Gun’s words broke Off into a smile, reaching his hand back to stroke Gun’s hair as they spend a moment of silence just relishing in the next chapter of their lives, excited to start living it already.

‘I meant what I said by the way’, Gun whispered, lowering his hands down teasingly, ‘I wanna fuck you in this house’

‘You look innocent, but you’re the devil, aren’t you?’, Off chuckled, but he didn’t stop Gun sliding his hands inside his trousers, stroking his clothes cock until it was hard, making him moan the latter’s name as he felt Gun grind against his back, ‘Gun, babe’, Off managed to whisper, gripping on his thighs as he felt Gun’s wrist twist, wanking him off, his movements fast, yet he would slow down when he heard Off’s moans get deeper, teasingly prolonging his release, knowing Off would get pissed at him, ‘Is this really the first thing you wanna do right now? Outside?’, Off whispered when Gun slowed, his thumb grazing his slit, using his precum as lube whilst he tiptoed and kissed Off’s neck.

‘This is the best present I ever got’, Gun whispered, blowing hot air on his neck, making him shiver, ‘Let me thank you’

Gun was promiscuous and Off had to laugh between his moans. Their friends always thought he was the one debouching Gun’s innocence, staining the boy with his wet kisses and wild urges. What they failed to notice was that even the Off Jumpol couldn’t keep up with Gun’s desires. Most of the time he’d let Gun do whatever he wants, just like now, as they stood outside their garden, still in their suits whilst the latter left bruises on the back of his neck, jerking him off until he stumbled a little bit.

The only problem was their lack of spatial awareness. The pair didn’t know how close they were standing next to the pool until Off’s foot slipped on the edge, causing him to fall down into the waters, dragging Gun with him.

‘Shit!’, they both shouted as soon as they felt the cold water hit their faces.

‘P’Off!’, Gun shouted in shock, his hands grabbing the edge of the pool as he spat out the water, ‘Jesus’, he coughed, his nose stinging from the impact. He was about to turn around to look for his husband when he felt his arms spin him around, giving him no time to process the wet lips that latched itself onto his, licking and sucking whilst he was pinned on the edge.

‘P’Off’, Gun said again, but this time his voice was whimpering. Their clothes were getting heavier the longer they stayed in the pool, Off unbuttoning his shirt for him, taking it off and letting it float away, ‘God, you’re so slow’, Gun whined, pulling his husband back to him as he ripped Off’s shirt open, letting the buttons tear from the thread.

‘Do you know how expensive this suit is?’, Off chuckled when he felt Gun’s hands dip down, unbuckling his trousers.

‘I don’t give a shit’, Gun whispered, ‘Just fuck me now’

He was different than the time he took his virginity. He remembered Gun being shy, patiently waiting for him to teach him the reins, but now, it was like he was in reins – and Gun was the one controlling him.

‘Happy first, babe’, Off said before he leaned back in, kissing Gun softly but everything else below the water was anything but. Fast motions and long strokes forced waves around them as Off grind against Gun, his hands stroking their cocks together, forcing immense mewls from the latter who could only grip on his back, sending long reddening scratches all over his bare skin.

‘Wanna take it slow?’, Off joked as he revelled in the expression painted across Gun’s face, watching his eyes closed, his mouth hanging open with his lips red and swollen. He looked delectable, absolutely fucking beautiful. Off couldn’t keep his hands off him, his hands gripped on his thighs sliding it up and wrapping it around his torso.

‘Fuck no’, Gun replied back, rolling his eyes both in irritation and pleasure when he felt Off’s fingers teasing him from behind. Gun was controlling, but Off was playful, smirking to himself as he felt Gun bite on his ears, tugging at his hooped earring, begging him to insert his fingers already, ‘P’Off’, he murmured, tugging at his hair. There was something about the water against his skin as Off’s fingers entered him, rhythmic motions sending him into a high. Curses echoed across the garden, mixing with the hums of the crickets and the splashes of the water around them which only ran louder the moment Off’s fingers were replaced with his cock.

Off leaned down to kiss Gun again, tongue stroking his hot cavern as he pushed deeper, feeling Gun’s heat wrapped around his cock.

‘P’Off…’, Gun whispered his name over and over again, yet his moans were incredibly lewd and unapologetically loud, leaning his head back on the edge as he let Off stain him, purple marked already painted across the side of his chest with Off’s teeth grazing his nipples as he thrusted in him again and again.

‘Shit’, Off growled, ‘I’m coming’

_Fuck._

* * *

‘How’s the new house?’

‘Amazing’, Gun smiled as he digger into his meal, turning to speak to his father in law. They woke up the next morning and drove to Off’s dad’s house to spend lunch when the older invited them. Off had gotten into the habit of visiting his dad once in a while, a slow progress in their relationship but he could tell his dad was trying.

‘I’m glad you liked it’, he smiled at Gun before returning to his meal.

‘It’s great dad’, Off added on, ‘It’s really big so I might install some security cameras at the front’, he commented, slightly worried that the obnoxious size of the house would welcome burglars.

‘No worries, there’s already security cams installed at the front gates’, his dad replied, ‘They’re instantly saved to the main security screen at the front entrance. You can send the files over to your phones via Bluetooth’

‘God, I love modern technology’, Gun chuckled, impressed by the intricate security system.

‘I think they even installed some at the back too’, Off’s dad added on, making both Gun and Off choke on their food, coughing hard.

‘At the back? You mean…’

‘Out in the garden. The fences are a little low, so you’d never know who’d sneak in’, his dad explained, only making Gun look at Off nervously.

‘And… Who can see the footage?’’, Off asked his dad, interrupted him whilst he was explaining the statistics of home robbery.

‘You guys of course’, his dad chuckled, ’Just check the front cameras where the main drive is and it’ll be saved there’

‘Can you… Delete some footages?’, Gun asked, trying to sound subtle as he kept his gaze on his food.

‘Yeah, you can do whatever you want’

Gun sighed, hiding his face of relief from his father in law as he kicked Off’s foot under the table when he heard his husband chuckling to himself.

* * *

‘How does it feel to have your own sex tape?’, Off asked, laughing as he watched Gun playing around with the main camera by the front door amused at how Gun worriedly pushed every button he could see, trying to look for the footage from last night.

Off, on the other hand, was having too much fun, leaning on the wall and not doing anything.

‘This isn’t funny Off’, Gun growled at him, ‘We can’t let anyone sees this’

‘Calm down babe, no one’s gonna see it but us’, Off rolled his eyes, turning to look at the screen and smiling when he realised Gun must’ve found the clip. He stepped closer, leaning his chin on Gun’s shoulders. It was clear were the delete button was and Gun was about to press it when Off raced against him first, pressing the play button.

‘Off, what the fuck’, Gun turned to glare at him, ‘Why would you play it?’

‘Come on, aren’t you the least bit curious?’, Off smirked, pointing at the screen to which Gun turned back to look, seeing them both standing by the pool, with his hands clearing inside Off’s trousers.

‘Shit, this is so embarrassing’, Gun closed his eyes, but he couldn’t help but open them a little, now watching them in the pool, with him pinned against the edge whilst Off lathered him with kisses. To see himself doing something like this caused red in his cheeks and he quickly paused it, trying to delete the footage as fast as he could.

‘We look hot’, Off murmured under his ears, biting his neck, ‘I think we should keep it’

‘Keep it, my ass’, Gun glared at him, pressing the delete button before Off could play it again, ‘You’re disgusting, you know that right?’

‘Aw, is someone getting shy?’, Off teased him, smirking as he wrapped his arms around Gun, ‘Because as far as I can remember, you were desperate for me to fuck you right there and then’

‘Shut up’, Gun punched him on the stomach, forcing him to step back as he walked back to their new empty living room, slapping his cheeks to stop it from blushing red as Off ran to follow him.

‘There’s the cute Gun I know’, Off teased, and when Gun heard his voice come closer, he began to run away from him, sticking his tongue out as he ran down the halls, squealing when he turned to see Off racing behind him.

‘No!’, he yelled as soon as he turned a corner, but Off’s hands had reached for his sleeves, tugging him back and pulling him in, ‘Ah, let go!’, he shouted, but he was laughing, giggling when he felt his feet leave the ground, Off kissing him all over as he carried him back to the spacious living room, sun light running in from the large windows.

Off couldn’t stop kissing him. He left his lips all over his face, neck, up his cheeks and on his ears, spinning him around whilst Gun shrieked, wrapping his arms around his neck. It’s only been a day, yet the house was already filled with life and noise just by two people alone.

‘Why don’t we have some more fun?’, Off raised his brow teasingly, spinning them around again, the pair trapped in their own world, hidden from everyone else.

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

Gun knocked on the door after texting Jaylerr. He wanted to meet up in a restaurant like what they usually do, but the latter had informed him he wasn’t feeling well, texting him his address and inviting him to his apartment. Gun wasn’t stupid, he knew when the red flag was waving and this was one of them, but he vowed to have self control, looking down at his phone and reading his reminder which had his wedding anniversary date in bold writing.

He’d completely fucked up and he needed to make up for it.

‘Hey, Gun’

‘Woah, Jay, what happened to your jaw?’, he asked when he was greeted by the tall man who was sporting a big bruise under his jaw.

‘You’re husband’, Jay sighed, ‘He punched me at work’

‘He what?’, Gun’s eyes widen, but there was a small smile plastered on his face at the sudden thought of Off fighting with Jay just for him, ‘He did that?’

‘You don’t seem disappointed’, Jay raised a questioning brow, ‘Your husband can punch’

‘Yeah I know. He punched me before’

‘Should I be worried about that?’, Jay titled his head in confusion, ‘Should I call the police?’

‘No. When we were young. We got into a fight whilst we were still in high school’, Gun explained himself, laughing at how worried Jay looked for a moment.

‘Oh’, Jay nodded, leaning on the door as he looked at Gun, ‘Well, I’m glad you’re okay now. You had me worried this morning’

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, looking down at his foot as his kicked the air awkwardly, ‘I’m sorry, but last night should never have happened’

‘Yeah, I agree’, Jay sighed, combing his hair back and smiling back in agreement with the former, ‘I shouldn’t have kissed you, not yet anyway’

‘Not yet? What do you mean by that?’

‘I was hoping to wait until we got together again’, Jay confessed without a shade of shame or embarrassment, it almost took Gun a second to digest his words, ‘I didn’t want us to start again messy’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’, Gun scoffed, crossing his arms, ‘What makes you think we’re getting back together’

‘I know you don’t think it now, but I swear Gun, I’m really going to fight for you’, Jay pointed out, piling up his absurdity to the point that Gun had to stifle a laugh in.

‘I don’t think that’s happening any time soon’

‘P’Off says otherwise’

‘What the hell does my husband have to do with this?’

‘He told me he doesn’t mind if I tried to make you fall in love with me again’, Jay pointed out, keeping Gun frozen as his lips parted in shocked confusion, ‘He’s probably confident thinking you’re still in love with him and it looks like he wants to play fair’, Jay chuckled at the last bit, remembering the conversation he had with the man before he left work, ‘Although, you know me Gun. I don’t play fair’

Gun took a step back when he saw Jay get out of his apartment, his door still opened as he pinned him against the hallway wall, his eyes gazing down on him.

‘Jay, I told you, we can’t’, Gun breathed out, claustrophobic with Jay’s body pressed against his.

‘I know’, Jay whispered to him, taking a step back, but his hand found his way to Gun’s hand, stroking the golden band that was on his finger, ‘But one day, you’ll take this off for me’

Gun looked down on his wedding ring, watching Jaylerr leave his fingerprints on it, staining the gold as he walked back to the door.

‘I don’t want you to come to the dinner event’, Gun blurted out after getting over his flustered state, ‘Off’s coming with me’

‘Okay’, Jay nodded, seemingly unfazed by his un-invitation, but maybe he expected it after last night’s event.

‘We need to stop hanging out too’, Gun added on, ‘I don’t think it’s right for me to spend time with you knowing your intentions’, he didn’t want to hear Jay’s excuse, so eh started walking back to the lift, not wanting to entertain Jay any longer and following his friends advice. He was going to try and fix with Off first before he could even think about finding someone else other than his first love to be with.


	14. Thirteen.

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

Gun found himself coming back to his home instead of Tay’s, parking his car and walking back to his room. He couldn’t help but stop and look at the clean house, finding out that it was Off who’s been keeping it clean. His heart clenched at the thought of Off coming back to an empty house, just waiting for him. It made last night even worse.

Their home was empty, but this time more hollow with the remnants of Off’s broken guitar still laying on the floor, wood chipped and dented. Gun slowly picked it up, leaving it on the sofa as he cleaned the floors. He imagined Off coming home with grocery bags by his side, stocking up the fridge and throwing out the unused expired food.

Out of curiosity, Gun raced himself back to the front of the door where the security screen was, turning it on as he scrolled past the numerous dates.

He played a footage from last week, watching as Off parked his car to the garage, lifting up bags as he imagined, walking through the door. He went through all the dates, sometimes finding the house unattended, but sometimes watching Off come home even for a few minutes.

Gun decided to turn off the screen after watching the numerous footages of Off coming back, making his stomach churn and heart drop at the thought that Off was all alone in the house. But he did this to him, packing his bags and leaving, but why did he feel so guilty?

He needed to distract himself. He found himself back in their room, walking in the closet to look for his violin, which was still clean and still in tune, hidden in one of the drawers. Off must’ve tuned it, it’s been months since he last touched it and he was sure the instrument would’ve aged considerably by then. Off was the only reason as to why it was still playable.

He felt nostalgic for some weird reason, standing in the middle of their room with his violin resting on his chin. He began to play a soft tune, closing his eyes as he remembered performing the same song back in high school during his recital.

_Ikuko Kawai’s Mizu Hyakkei._

The sweet melody of the strings made him remember the time when his eyes scanned across the sea of people, monotonous suits and stilled expressions, but among them, was someone highly obnoxious, stubborn enough to wear a bright printed tee in a formal event, sitting at the back and watching him perform. Gun kept closing his eyes, remembering the way Off waved at him when they made eye contact, his feet up against the chair.

For a moment, he wasn’t performing alone in his room, instead he was on the stage, in front of dozens of people, but his eyes focused only on Off as he continued to play. He still remembered that feeling. He still remembered looking around for him after his performance but finding the boy had already gone.

He finally stopped playing, sighing as he looked down to find his fingers scratched and blistered just by one song. It’s been a long time since he’s played and his hands had gone soft, yet his skills were still there, his fingers smoothly running across the strings.

He would’ve continued playing had he not heard a car pull over to the front of their house, making him turn to open the bedroom window, recognising Off’s car.

‘Off’, he shouted his name, running out of their room with his violin still in his hands, running down the stairs and pass the corridor to make it on time when Off opened the door, carrying another bag of groceries.

‘Off!’, he raised his voice, making the latter flinch at the sudden presence, his eyes turned to look at him.

‘Gun, what’re you doing here?’

‘This is my house, isn’t it?’, Gun pointed back, gripping the bow in his hand, ‘I’m allowed to be here, aren’t I?’

‘I supposed so’, Off awkwardly replied, looking at the violin in his hands, ‘Are you staying long?’

‘Why?’

‘I bought some groceries. Do you want something to eat?’

* * *

With Gun’s violin back in its case, the pair sat awkwardly in the kitchen, silence filled the room whilst Off passed him a cup of tea and biscuits.

‘You still act British sometimes’, Gun pointed at the packet of digestive biscuits and Tetley tea Off made for him. Gun had never had these in his life until Off introduced it to him.

‘You get bullied if you say you’ve never had digestives before’, Off replied, ‘I only ate it so people will get off my back’

Small talk. He couldn’t believe they were reverting to small talk to fill in the silence. They never had small talk, not even when they were kids. Whenever they wanted to get their point across, they’d say it to each other’s face without a care in the world. It caused numerous fights and a lot of time sitting in the principal’s office, but at least they were honest with each other. Now, they can’t even do that.

‘Can we play a game?’, Gun suggested, wanting to get rid of the tension growing between them.

‘What?’

‘Let’s play time machine. We act like we’re still in high school and we say whatever we think our high school selves will say’

‘Would that be a good idea?’, Off raised a questioning brow, ‘We never really got along in high school’

‘Let’s just try it’, Gun urged him on, and like always, Off gives in, nodding his head as he drinks his tea, waiting for Gun to start.

‘I’m glad I won the scholarship against you’, he started, taking a bite off his biscuit and waiting for Off’s reply.

‘If we’re still in high school, then you don’t know if you won it yet or not’, Off corrected him, stealing a biscuit from the packet, ‘If anything, the only reason why I didn’t get the scholarship is because you took all of my extra-curricular activities’

‘No, you lost it because you got suspended in Senior Year’, Gun responded, ‘You brought it to yourself’

‘I was trying to help someone. Excuse me for being nice’

‘Nice at the expense of your future’, Gun turned to face him, ‘Do you always have to ruin your life to try and fix others?’, he continued to stare at Off, waiting fo him to respond, but the latter just stirred his drink, keeping the tea bag in as he smiled, but it was a fake smile, Gun could tell.

‘And you? Why do you never let people explain themselves to you? As far as I’m aware, my best friend was innocent yet you accused him of cheating and nearly cost him the love of his life’, Off changed the subject, targeting Gun instead.

‘And what would you think if you saw them together?’

‘The same thing’, Off agreed with him, ‘But I never would’ve told Alice. I’d approach Arm or Jane first, asking what’s up. My assumptions isn’t going to help unless I proved it was true’

‘So, you’re blaming me for being worried?’

‘I’m blaming you for not asking before concluding. The fight was awful and right before exams as well. Plus, you dragged Jane into it and everyone thought she was a home wrecker. Your words have impact Gun’

‘Everything worked out for the best’

‘No thanks to you’, Off whispered to himself, but Gun still heard him, urging him to explain himself with a glaring expression, ‘Arm had apologise for something he didn’t do. Jane had to prove to everyone she wasn’t a home wrecker. New was the one to comfort Alice even though he didn’t do shit and I had to be the one to diffuse the fight before anyone else got suspended. What did you do in the midst of it all?’, Off piled on the old memories, haunting and not at all a fond one. He broke the nostalgia in one sentence, bringing back one of the worst memories Gun had of his high school.

‘I apologised. I changed. I’m better at it now’

‘Are you? Because you kicked me out when I came back and wouldn’t talk to me’

‘You left me waiting for you for three days. Frank was the one who told me you were gone on some business trip and when I called Mild she said there was no business trip. Excuse me, but I don’t need an explanation to conclude what the fuck you got up to’

‘Okay, then tell me. What the fuck did I get up to then?’, Off said, ‘What do you think I did in those three days?’

‘Probably got drunk and fucked some girls. Your mum must’ve told you some shit and you lost control’

‘You’d think I’d have sex with someone else?’

‘Yes’, Gun’s rapid reply took Off a minute to process, feeling irritated.

‘No. I didn’t’, Off replied, ‘I would never cheat on you, even if it was a one night stand. I’m not that type of person and you know that’

‘I don’t know who you’re turning into, but clearly you won’t let me know because you’re always hiding’

‘I love you, Gun. I need you to know that’, Off told him, stepping away from the growing fight that he can sense. He didn’t like how they slowly started to raise their voice with one another and he took a step back before anything exploded, ‘I left to sort out some business. It had nothing to do with you. I needed to do it for myself’

‘For yourself?’, Gun scoffed, ‘Ever since you came back, it’s like you’re a different person. I’ve been understanding most of the time, letting it go when you refused to talk about it, but don’t you think I deserve to know even a little?’

‘You don’t need to. I’m handling it just fine’

‘Bullshit’, Gun said, staring straight to his eyes, ‘You’ve never been good at handling it. Why can’t you just admit that?’, Off couldn’t answer that because he didn’t know how to. How could he admit that he had always been weak?

‘It’s our third anniversary’, Off commented, changing the subject once again as he leaned his back on the chair, ‘Not the best I would’ve imagined, but at least we get to spend some time together’

God, he makes it so hard to be mad at him. Gun rolled his eyes at himself. He didn’t know why he was attacking Off all of a sudden when he out of everyone should keep his mouth shut and let Off be bitter.

‘I heard you punched Jay’

‘Did you hear it from him?’, Off asked and he chuckled when Gun nervously looked down, embarrassed to admit that he spoke to Jay today, ‘I expected him to tell you either way. That kid’s a show off’

‘Yeah I know’

‘I’m slightly offended that you once compared me to him’

‘You got over that kiss quickly’, Gun looked at Off’s amused face, ‘I thought you’d still be mad at me for it’

‘Who said I’m not?’, Off tilted his head, leaning his chin on his hand, ‘I’m just really good at hiding things’

‘And you’re proud of that?’, Gun raised a brow, ‘Because I think that’s a sign for help’

‘Then help me’

‘What?’

‘Nothing’, Off stood up, refusing to repeat himself as he placed his empty cup in the sink, ‘I’m staying here for the night, so I can drop you off at Tay’s if you want’

‘No, it’s fine’, Gun stood up and joined him, standing beside his husband as he placed his empty cup next to his, ‘I’m staying here too’

‘You don’t have to’

‘It’s our third year anniversary. I think we could make this an exception and at least stay in the same house’, Gun coughed out an excuse.

‘I’ll sleep in the guest room then’

‘Why would you? This is our house, just sleep in our bedroom’

‘Are you trying to make up for the fact that you kissed Jay?’, Off turned to face him, smiling when Gun blushed. He turned back and began washing their dishes, ‘I guess you’ve given me something to use against you’

‘Consider it a free pass’, Gun said, punching his arm as he left the kitchen. Off continued washing the cups, hearing the TV roar to life fo the first time in months, playing a movie midway. Off continued to smile and for a second, he’d created an illusion that they were okay, and that Gun was sitting on the sofa watching a movie and waiting for him to finish up in the kitchen like they usually did before.

* * *

New flipped through the photo albums, having printed a bunch of photographs that Tay took and smiling to himself as Frank started to overtake their memories, finding himself in every recent pictures. It was a tough decision to foster Frank, one that he and Tay kept arguing about over and over again, but he couldn’t help but feel relieved that he gave in.

‘Frank’s room is disgusting’, he heard his husband whine as he joined him in the kitchen. It was already late but Tay had the privilege of working for his father’s company, meaning he could walk into work late without any repercussions, ‘We need to teach that kid how to organise’

‘You’re a hypocrite’, New laughed at him, ‘Your dorm back in college was always messy’

‘Having a few clothes on the floor is fine’, Tay pointed at him, ‘But having a three week yogurt isn’t. That’s gross’, he heard his husband laugh at him and he poked his finger on New’s waist, knowing the boy was ticklish, fighting him back as he heard his husband squirm.

‘Tay, stop’, New begged, gripping his wrist, but he was laughing, ‘We need to talk to social services soon’

‘Huh? How comes?’

‘It’s been a year Tay. They’ve called us to talk about our progress’, New’s grin was wide, his eyes sparkling when he intertwined his fingers with Tay’s, ‘I think they’re going to approve our applications’

‘Are you serious?’, Tay’s eyes widened, ‘Are you sure?’

‘They said they were impressed with us’, New pulled Tay into a warm embrace, ‘How would you like to have a new addition to the family?’

‘What’s gonna happen to Frank?’, Tay asked worriedly, not yet wanting to celebrate, ‘They’re not gonna take him from us, are they?’

‘Of course, not’, New furrowed his brow, ‘He’s been doing so well here, why would they take him back?’

‘We’re not his official parents. They could take him whenever they want’, Tay pointed out, ‘And we’d just have to agree’

‘There are a lot of kids in the foster system right now. Why would they want Frank to leave when they’re desperate to house other kids? It’ll be fine’, New patted his back comfortingly, ‘I think it’ll be good for Frank to have a younger sister, don’t you? He might cause less trouble’

‘A daughter’, Tay smiled as he though to himself, stroking New’s hair, ‘I would like that’

‘We should probably ask Frank first’, New murmured, ‘Maybe he’d want a little brother instead’

‘I’m sick of all the boys in this house’, Tay whined, ‘Let’s have a little girl. I’m gonna pull my hair out if I have to take care of another boy’

‘What’s wrong with Frank?’

‘It’s not just him. It’s Off and Gun. They come here and raid out kitchen and leech me off my emotional strength whenever they complain about each other. I can’t take it anymore’

New started laughing at his husband, watching him whine and placing a soft kiss on his lips, ‘They’re gonna stop soon. I’m sure they’ll find the strength to talk to each other’

‘God, I fucking hope so’

* * *

It was awkward to say the least. Fucking awkward as Off laid at the very edge of the bed on his back, avoiding Gun who was also on the other side of their king size bed, a huge gap between them.

‘Did you get in trouble at work?’, he heard Gun asking him.

‘Just a warning’, Off replied, still staring at the ceiling, ‘It’s the first time I lost my shit at work’

‘I should’ve seen it’, Gun whispered, hugging his pillow as he turned to stare at Off, watching his side profile, ‘I would’ve loved to see you punch him’

‘Why do you always wanna see me pissed?’

‘Because it shows me that you care’, Gun confessed, his voice soft yet loud against the silence.

‘I don’t have to punch someone to show you I care about you’, Off replied, ‘I’m not loud about it, but I’ve shown you how much I love you’

‘How?’

‘Read between the lines, Gun’, Off whispered, closing his eyes and turning his back towards Gun. The silence afterwards signalled the end of their conversation and it left Gun staring at his husband’s back, they were in the same room, but it felt like Off was out of reach.

He slowly stretched his hand out, resting the palm of his hand on Off’s back. He didn’t move it, he just felt his husband’s warmth against his skin and closed his eyes too.

‘Happy third’, he whispered, not knowing if Off was already asleep, ‘I’m sorry’

It was the first time they slept on the same bed in five months. Gun couldn’t see him, but Off’s eyes were still open, listening to his whispers before Gun let go of his hand on him. The blankets stirred, telling Off that the latter had turned around from him, his eyes burning red as he sniffled under the covers, wiping the slow tears that were forming under his eyes.

* * *

**December; 2023**

‘What the hell is your problem?’, Gun asked him as he walked down the stairs of his mum’s house, following Off who had refused to invite his dad to the family dinner, ‘It’s New Year’s next week, how could I not invite them?’

Both their mum and dad listened to their argument in the kitchen, Gun’s mum looking worriedly at Off’s dad whilst they set the table.

‘Look, you’re asking me last minute to drive all the way down to Pattaya and pick them up? And he’s asking if he could bring his wife. I haven’t watched a lot of movies, but don’t you think that’s gonna stir some shit up?’

‘We’re all adults, we can act nice for one dinner’, Gun shouted back.

‘You want them to spend the night at our house too’, Off closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he continued to say no to Gun’s request, ‘This is stupid, you can visit them after New Year if you want, but why bring them over here? It’s just a huge hassle’

‘Oh, I’m sorry for wanting to bring my family together to enjoy New Year’, Gun scoffed sarcastically, crossing his arm and glaring up at his husband, ‘Plus, why do you think the worse is gonna happen? It’s one fucking dinner’

‘Did you even ask your mum about it? Did you ask her how she feels having to meet her husband for the first time in over ten years with his new wife and kids?’, Off shouted back, raising his voice and Gun knew his mum must’ve heard it.

‘Can you shut up? You’re making excuses and saying this is about me or my mum, but this is about you, isn’t it?’

‘What has your dad got to do with me?’, Off furrowed his brow, ‘He’s got nothing to do with me’

‘You’re just jealous he apologised to me and your mum didn’t!’

‘Gun, enough’, his mum stomped to the living room, banging the door opening and shouting at her son, ‘if you wanna argue, go do it outside, but not inside this household’, she turned to glare at Off too, looking at her son in law and begging him to talk things outside.

But Off had enough and he wasn’t going to let Gun keep pestering him about his mum, so he grabbed his car keys, pushing pass Gun as he left the house, slamming the door shut and leaving his husband behind.

‘Dick!’, Gun shouted at him, but Off ignored him as he stepped inside his car, driving off and leaving him.

‘Gun, could you be understanding?’, his mum turned to him, slapping the back of his head, ‘He has a point. Trying to get us all to sing Kumbaya might not be the best idea’

‘The kid’s trying’, Off’s dad finally interjected, walking out into the living room with a sigh, ‘it’s not his fault he wants his family to get along’

‘Where are you going?’, Gun’s mum asked him when they watch him grab his own car keys from the counter.

‘I’m gonna go talk to him. I think it’s time we have some heartfelt talk’

* * *

‘It’s weird seeing you here’, Off commented as he blew out smoke, resting his cigarette in his hands as his dad sat next to him by P’Pik’s stall.

‘I see you come here often’, his dad replied, ‘Don’t think I didn’t know what you got up to when you were young. You were always here’

‘How do you know?’, Off asked, leaning back on his chair as he inhaled, letting the smoke rest in his lungs before blowing it out.

‘There was an old woman who would come by the house once in a while. She would tell me you would stay in her shop. She said she wanted to tell me just in case I got worried’

‘Her name was Mrs Pho’, Off said to him, closing his eyes and pinching his nose at the thought of her. He didn’t know she would do that. He always thought his parents didn’t care to ask him where he was.

‘I’m sorry we haven’t been good to you’, his dad finally apologised, a long awaited two worded phrase that Off had been begging to hear. But now that it came, it felt like it was too late, his heart was already numb, ‘We were too busy with our own selfish reasons to realise what we were doing was hurting you’

‘I don’t care about it anymore’

‘But you should’, his dad pointed out, ‘We did you wrong and we didn’t help you get back up on your feet. You did that yourself’

‘I guess I’m a strong motherfucker’, Off joked to himself, but his dad didn’t laugh with him. He just stared at him as if trying to solve a puzzle, ‘Why did you have me if you didn’t even want to be a family?’, Off asked, the curiosity getting the better of him as he stared at his dad.

‘I wanted a family’, his dad admitted, ‘But I think you need to talk to your mum and ask that question to her’

‘I never wanna see her again’

‘Off, suppressing all your anger isn’t going to help. You may not know it, but you’re projecting your anger out on your husband’, his dad told him, forcing Off to chuckle as he grabbed another cigarette, ‘The kid’s got a point. You’re getting angry at him because you’re jealous of him. Everyone in the room could see that’

‘Seeing her isn’t going to solve that’

‘You don’t have to forgive her. Just talk with her, maybe that’s enough to let go of your baggage. You don’t deserve to carry all of that weight into your marriage’, his dad awkwardly reached out and patted his hand. The latter was never much of a touchy person and it felt weird of him trying to reassure him that way, ‘Your mother and I broke our marriage, but don’t let us break yours too’

‘What do you want me to do?’

‘Go back to London’, his dad advised him, ‘Go back and talk to her’

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

‘Does this tie go with this?’, Gun asked as he walked out of his closet, lifting up a green tie to which Off turned to look at it laughing.

‘Gun, that’s mine’, Off pointed out, ‘Can’t you wear one of yours?’

‘No, I think this looks good’, Gun looked at the full length mirror, tying it around his neck and checking his outfit. The dinner event was tonight and they both decided to get ready in their home instead of meeting each other at the hotel. It would raise questions if they came separately.

‘Let me see’, Off asked again, Gun turning around, still adjusting his tie. He walked forward, helping him as he folded the collar down, fixing his hair and straightening the ends of his sleeves, ‘You look beautiful’

‘Thanks’, Gun whispered, blushing at the sudden comment. They haven’t been getting along and all of a sudden they were acting like they were married again and it sent goosebumps down Gun’s arms, but in a good way. Hearing Off tease him and laugh was something he missed.

‘Did you say we have to stay the night?’

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, ‘You okay with that?’

‘Yeah, I don’t mind’, Off smiled at him, ‘I’m sure it’ll be fun’

* * *

Gun’s law firm was different from his company. They were all dressed to the nines, lathered in something expensive with a bit of pretentious air to them. It wasn’t their fault, most of them are really nice, but their job consisted with an image that was supposed to be taken serious, so they had to hold their tongue and talk about politics or business.

Off walked into the main dining hall, smiling at Gun’s colleagues and shaking their hands.

‘It’s been ages’, Pluem smiled, being the only one who looked like he was enjoying the night, ‘I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I miss you P’Off. How comes you haven’t visiting Gun at work?’

‘He’s busy’, Gun replied for him, sliding his hand down to hold the former as he dragged him to one of the empty seats.

Off could tell that Gun was nervous and his sudden closeness forced him to believe that Gun wanted to keep up a front. But instead of being disappointed or sad, he decided to make use of it, resting his arm around Gun’s waist as he waits for the dinner to start. He was good at creating small talk, introducing himself to other lawyers, grabbing their attention and instantly gaining their friendliness.

‘So, you’re part of the Bangkok Property Law Firm?’, one lawyer asked him.

‘No, but my husband is’, Off smiled, squeezing his hand on Gun’s arm, ‘He’s one of the top lawyers there’

‘Don’t show off’, Gun whispered to him, but he couldn’t help but hide a smile on his face at the way Off was talking about him. They were sat next to each other, and each time someone wanted to ask more about his work, he would reel them back to Gun, talking about his projects, remembering each one. Gun always thought he never paid attention when he talked about his clients and work over the dinner table, but Off was reciting them down one by one as if he had them memorised.

‘You’re good at this’, one lawyer pointed out, a warm smile on her face as she watched Off’s hands continue to hold onto Gun’s, ‘If only my husband was this attentive, I would never let him go’

Was Off really attentive? With the way he spoke, it sure sounded like it. Gun flipped through their recent memories, reliving the fights they’ve had in their mind. Off had always paid attention to every little detail and it was hard to spot a time where he didn’t know what Gun was thinking. But it was probably because he was easy to read – scratch that – he made himself easy to read for Off. He wanted his husband to know every thing he was going through at the moment, so he didn’t know whether Off deserved that praise or he did.

But it also got him thinking. Was he attentive? Did he notice the small things that Off did that no one else could see? The man was so hard to read, he didn’t know if he was shit at reading his own husband or if Off just didn’t want to be seen.

He remembered the times Off would lock himself in the bathroom, breathing loudly and he would know it was one of his anxiety attacks, but he never came inside to help him. Off never wanted to, so he never did. But what if it was a lie? What if Off wanted him there but he just couldn’t tell? It was slowly getting to him that he didn’t even notice the first round of appetisers being placed on their table.

‘How long have the two of you been married?’

‘Three years’, Off replied, letting go of his hands as he began to eat.

_Three years._

What were they doing wrong that only after three years they already felt suffocated? Gun looked down at his hands which were now cold and empty. He turned to look at his husband, eating his meal and replying to all the questions thrown at him.

Without thinking, Gun reached out his hand again, taking Off’s hand squeezing it around his.

‘What’s wrong?’, Off asked, accidentally dropping the knife on the table when Gun stole his hand away.

‘Nothing’, Gun shrugged, using his other hand to eat, ‘I just wanna hold your hand’

‘God, they’re still so in love’, they made fun out of the couple, cooing at Gun’s actions.

Gun was good at acting – so Off thought – as he looked down at their intertwined hands. He wanted everyone to think they were still madly in love with each other.

Too bad Off wanted that too. He listened to the music playing and one by one, a few of the guests had gotten up and started dancing. He’s never been much for clubbing or socialising in big crowds, but he thought he could join in Gun’s world at least for one night.

‘Wanna dance?’, Off asked, standing up as he squeezed Gun’s hand, dragging him towards the dance floor.

‘What’re you doing?’, Gun nervously whispered to him, his feet racing as he tried to keep up with Off, ‘You hate dancing’

‘Not when I’m with you’, Off confessed, spinning him around as soon as the music changed.

_I don’t care if Monday’s blue,_

_Tuesday’s grey and Wednesday too,_

_Thursday I don’t care about you,_

_It’s Friday I’m in love._

The Cure started playing, Off dancing with Gun as they joined the others, not caring if other people stared at them. In fact, he wanted them to stare. Gun never looked so beautiful laughing as he sang the lyrics, dancing with him as he flailed his arm up, resting it on his shoulder.

* * *

Pluem saw a flash of light on the table and he turned to see a phone unattended next to him, looking down to check the notification. Gun’s photo was the lock screen and he could only conclude it was Off’s.

He looked up from the phone to the dance floor where he saw Off spinning Gun around, the pair laughing as they wrapped their arms around each other. He had always been jealous of Gun. Off was smart and head over heels for him. He wouldn’t tell Gun, but everyone had a crush on Off.

But he couldn’t help but wonder who was spamming Off’s phone and for a second, he read some of the messages.

**_If you say you’re gonna help, then help._ **

**_Jerk._ **

‘Jerk?’, Pluem read the last message, looking up to see the man in question. Did he ditch his work just to come tonight? By the looks of it, he must’ve cancelled plans with someone else just to be here.

‘Jesus, I’ve never seen you dance this hard since…’, Gun said in between his laughters, seeing Off dancing energetically, not caring if he looked like a fool in front of everyone.

‘Since?’, Off asked him when he didn’t finish his sentence, stopping to take a breath, yet his hand still held Gun’s.

‘Since our wedding’, Gun said, standing still after he said that. Off stopped dancing as soon as he looked at Gun, watching how his eyes glazed over at the fond memory. It hadn’t even been that long but they’re talking about it as if it’s been a lifetime ago – but in a sense – it has. Things were so much different back then.

‘I never thought I’d ask this, but…’, Off looked down and felt heat coursing through his veins.

‘What?’

‘Can I kiss you?’

Gun froze, feet glued to the floor as he stared up at Off. He had on a shy smile and his hands were awkwardly placed by his sides. He doesn’t remember the last time they’ve been intimate. He doesn’t even remember the last time they kissed and just thinking about how they used to steal kisses even when they were with their friends to now having to awkwardly ask for one. It felt shit.

‘Do you even have to ask?’

‘I took those divorce papers as a sign of you breaking up with me’

‘But you never agreed to it. Right?’, Gun reminded him and once Off realised he didn’t reject, he quickly pulled his collar, pressing his lips against the former before he could change his mind. He probably shouldn’t have acted rashly when they were in front of Gun’s co-workers, but he didn’t care. He stopped caring after floods of thoughts bombarded his peace, thinking about Gun’s lips being kissed by someone else and he was so desperate to feel it again, to get rid of the taint of someone else pressed against it. He licked Gun’s pouted lips, biting at it until Gun succumbed to his wishes, wrapping his arms around his neck, in a tiptoe to angle himself better.

No matter how much they hated each other, these moments made them realise how much they didn’t. Because if they did, it shouldn’t feel this good, the way Gun’s heart bursted at its seams, ripping out millions of butterflies that fluttered in his stomach, making him lean in, parting his lips and letting Off in.

It shouldn’t still feel like their first time.

‘Get a room!’, someone shouted at them, forcing them to part, everyone around the room laughing at them whilst floods of ridicules and jokes targeted the pair. Gun shyly coughed and turned back to give his colleagues warning glares, but his arms were still wrapped around Off’s neck, resting so comfortably.

Off chuckled, winking at Gun’s colleagues as he pulled the latter closer to him, whispering in his ears.

‘Close your eyes’, he said, sending shivers down Gun’s spine as he turned to face him again.

‘What?’

‘Close your eyes and kiss me again’, Off whispered and with that Gun rolled his eyes and snickered, but he tiptoed, kissing him again.

* * *

**Sophomore Year; 2012**

Off walked out towards the school gates right after the bell rang, signalling the end of school and of the week. He excitedly made his way to the front to where he knew Arm and Tay would be waiting for him, resting his backpack on one shoulder.

He just placed first on their Geography test and he was going to visit Mrs Pho to show off his full marks test paper. He couldn’t wait to go to the night market, knowing he’d be treated to another pink milk tea drink from Mrs Pho after doing well on his test again.

‘Where the hell are they?’, Off looked at his watch when he walked to the front gates to find his friends missing. The two idiots were always late, especially on Thursdays when they had Biology for last period and he had Geography. The science department was a long walk away from the front gates, so he always had to wait at least fifteen minutes for them, ‘God, they’re such slow walkers’, Off talked to himself, leaning on the gates as he watched other students walking out. He earned a few waves from some of his classmate, small conversations about homework and after school clubs before they parted ways – yet his two best friends still weren’t there.

‘Hey, Off, what’re you doing here?’, he looked up to see New waving at him. The boy was getting taller even though last year he was the shortest and he couldn’t help but think how cute he looked – it was all so confusing.

‘Just waiting for Tay and Arm’, Off informed him.

‘Tay?’. New asked, his eyes nervously looking down at his shoes like a shy kid, ‘How is he?’

‘He’s good’, Off nodded, ‘He slipped on his shoelaces and smacked his nose on the door, but he does that all the time’, he laughed at the last bit and it seemed like the former also found it amusing, scratching his head as he giggled.

‘Tay’s always been funny like that’

‘I don’t know how he’s gonna get a girlfriend acting like that’

‘Oh… He wants to have a girlfriend?’, New’s smile slowly faded at the thought, coughing to bury his sudden change in expression.

‘I supposed so’, Off shrugged, ‘I mean, everyone’s thinking of getting a girlfriend, right?’

‘Right’, New nodded, but he doesn’t seem that enthusiastic about the subject, ‘Yeah, of course. Anyway, I should probably go’, and with that, the cute – and now tall – classmate of his waved goodbye and started walking away, leaving him alone once again.

Off looked down at his watch, tapping his foot impatiently when he still saw no signs of his friends, about to ditch them if they don’t come out in five minutes.

‘Excuse me’, he felt a tap on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around to find a man – middle aged and with grey hair – standing behind him. He’d been lectured in assembly before that this interaction was a big huge ass red alert, but he stood still and bowed his head.

‘Hello’, he greeted the elder, ‘Can I help you?’

‘Do you know anyone called Gun?’

‘Theres’s a lot of Gun in this school’, Off replied with a raised brow.

‘How about a Gun Atthaphan’

 _The Gun Atthaphan?_ The one that’s always been stealing his first place streak? The short kid with a very short temper that never lets him have fun in home room and told him to shut up every morning?

‘What do you want from him?’

‘Do you have any idea if he already left?’, the man asked and the red alert kept on flashing the more the old man kept asking questions.

‘I’m not supposed to talk to older men and the fact that you’re looking for a fifteen year old kid seems creepy’, Off replied to him bluntly, taking a step back, ‘And even if I knew where Gun was, I would never tell a stranger. Who are you to him anyway?’

The man looked at him for a moment, frozen in his feet before he started laughing, chuckling a deep hearty laugh that made him step back again.

‘You’re a smart kid’, the man grinned at him, ‘I would tell you I’m his dad, but you won’t believe me right?’

‘You don’t look like him’, Off commented, ‘And I’m pretty sure Gun’s dad would know where he is and not ask random students’

‘I guess so’, the man sighed and he stopped grinning when he mentioned it, ‘He always looked more like his mother’, he whispered to himself, ‘Anyway, thanks. If you see Gun around, take care of him for me’

Off contemplated whether to report the man to the Principal, but as he walked away, he decided to just leave it. He heard his name being shouted and when he turned around, he finally saw Tay and Arm walking outside the building, waving their hands at him.

‘Took you long enough, you idiots!’, Off shouted at them, hitting their head as soon as they made it to the front, Tay’s nose still red from the hit of the door during lunch time. The three friends headed towards the night market where they usually hung out, Off forgetting about the man who approached him so randomly asking about the kid who’s been getting on his nerves lately.

* * *

**Two Months Before the Meeting**

Fuck Jay. Off knew he still had a chance when Gun refused to let go of his hand through out the night, even when the dinner started, followed with the seminar, they were joint by the hip. It was welcomed with nothing but jokes and teases, but Gun took it like a champ, laughing along with them and even joking back.

No matter if Gun just wanted to save face, Off thought he should probably open up to Gun now that he’s in a good mood and he’d gotten rid of the traces left behind by Jaylerr. He didn’t need to tell Gun everything, Alice told him it would be enough if he opened just a little. A tiny crack can still let in light and even if it won’t fix everything that’s happened between them, it would at least explain his side a little better.

‘I don’t know why we need to spend the night here when the seminars have finished’, Off questioned as soon as they arrived in their suite, Gun unlocking their room to find they were blessed with a balcony with a beautiful view of the city lights.

‘Some came from other cities, so the organisers just booked hotel rooms for everyone, even law firms based in Bangkok’, Gun explained, taking off his shoes and jumping on the king size bed. Off heard Gun let out a huge sigh, grabbing to hug a pillow whilst he walked to the balcony, wanting to relish on the landscape presented to him.

‘This is gorgeous’, Off whispered in admiration, looking at the way the skyscrapers lit up the night, life still bustling despite the dark skies. It reminded him of their honeymoon, just spending their night seated outside on the balcony in their robes, sipping red wine as they watched the city fall asleep whilst they talked about nothing and everything.

‘You know, when I came back to London, my mum already had a fiancé’, Off pointed out to Gun who he hoped was still awake, his arms leaning on the ledge as he continued to look out, ‘I met him. He was nice. I realised over dinner that he had no idea the shit my mum and I went through. He just thought I was her son who chose to stay in Thailand’

Gun lifted his head up from the bed, his eyes frozen on Off’s back, not knowing whether to freak out that Off was finally starting to talk about his trip which ruined everything. He didn’t even know whether to stand up and join him, so he stayed seated on the bed, hugging the pillow as he let the winds carry Off’s voice to him.

‘He said he was glad I came to visit them. He said my mum missed me’, Off chuckled on the last part, looking down at his hands as he played with his wedding ring, spinning it around, ‘She really knew how to play nice now that she bagged a good guy. She painted herself like a longing mother’

Gun wanted Off to just get straight to the point, but he didn’t want to interrupt him, not when he didn’t know if Off was going to stop. So he hugged the pillow tighter.

‘But maybe she was’, Off muttered, ‘Maybe she longed to be the mother she always thought she’d be but knew she couldn’t because she was unprepared when she had me. Or maybe she didn’t wanna mess up her new family by bringing up her past, so she covered it up. At this point, I’ve given up on trying to piece things together. I just thought… Now that she had a new family to focus on, maybe it was time for her to let me go… But-’

Before Off could finish his sentence, he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. It had been buzzing all night, but he’d been ignoring it. He should’ve kept ignoring, but for some reason, he reached out and read the multiple notifications on his phone – but one caught his attention.

**_I wanna move to Bangkok._ **

‘Off?’, he finally heard Gun’s voice again and he nervously turned around, looking at his husband who sat patiently for him, his eyes shining whenever the moonlight hits it, ‘What did she tell you?’, he asked him, and he knew Gun deserved the rights to know. But he looked down on his phone, reading the message again.

Gun noticed Off’s changed in focus, his eyes quivering as it looked down on the screen and he nervously tried to bring Off back to him, to his attention.

‘I’m sorry’, Off muttered as he slid his phone back to his pockets, ‘But I need to go’

‘No’, Gun stood up the moment Off walked back in, throwing the pillow on the ground and racing to him, ‘No, you’re not leaving’

‘Gun, it’s an emergency’, Off said, ‘I need to go’

‘Where’re you going?’, he asked, reaching his hand out, tugging at the ends of his sleeves to get him from leaving, ‘Who was that on the phone?’, Gun felt his skin crawl when he was met with silence, Off looking down at his hands, avoiding eye contact.

‘I can’t tell you’

‘Not this again’, Gun whined when he felt his night slowly crashing, seeing the new Off slowly returning and ruining everything, ‘Don’t leave me hanging again’

‘I’m sorry’

‘No. I’m not accepting your apology anymore. Not until you tell me what’s going on’, Gun raised his voice, tugging his sleeves again, ‘Please. Tell me who was on the phone’

‘I need to go’, off said again, tugging his sleeves out of Gun’s grip as he walked to the door.

‘I’m not going to forgive you if you walk out of that door without telling me’, Gun shouted, tears threatening to leave his eyes, knowing with the way Off’s expression was unresponsive, that he was going to lose, ‘I’m not going to wait’

Off ignored him, picking up his bag as he opened the door and walked out, shutting the door and leaving Gun by himself – again. A wave of loneliness hit hi stomach as he looked at the closed door, floods of anger invading this thoughts when Off didn’t even hesitate at his threat.

Like always, he was left behind, alone in the dark as he begged for Off to come back.

* * *

_Gun, manager told me you checked out. Have you left the hotel already?_

_Yeah. We had to go somewhere tomorrow morning so we thought we should just go back home instead._

_Okay. Stay safe and see you at work next week._

_Thanks Pluem. See you next week._

Gun parked his car in the garage, hitting the stirring wheel again and again as off ignored his calls for the umpteenth time.

‘Dick. Dickhead. Fucker’, Gun cursed out, continuously streaks of frustration coursing through him as he replayed the moments he had with him in the hotel room.

_Who was on the phone? Who was more important than him?_

‘What the fuck did you do in Phuket Off? What the fuck did you do?’, he kept on shouting, banging his hand on the wheel until he heard honking, loud roars which brought noise to the quiet noise, ‘what the fuck did you do?!’

‘Gun?!’

‘Ah shit!’, Gun flinched when he heard knocking on his window, turning around to find a silhouette standing next to his car, ‘Who the hell are you?’

‘It’s me’, Gun recognised Jay’s voice the second his fear subsided, sliding down his window and looking at the tall handsome man.

‘What the hell are you doing here?’, Gun asked with a questioning brow, ‘Where you waiting by the house?’

‘I had hoped you didn’t stay the night over at the dinner event’, Jay shyly confessed, scratching the back of his neck.

‘So you waited all night here?’, Gun asked him and when Jay nodded, he felt his whole world crashing down on him.

_Love is a sense of being. Think of the times Off had opened up to you._

All he could remember was the closed door slamming on him, Off’s back towards him without a shadow of a flinch when he called out for him to come back.

And now he saw Jay, waiting by his house in the middle of the night for god knows how long – just waiting without hope that he would show up.

_Love is hard work. It’s hard work. Is it?_

Because Jay easily chose to wait for him. Was that hard work? Or was that just love?

‘Jay, can you do me a favour’, Gun asked him, breaking his silence as his vision slowly blurred due to the growing tears resting in his eyes.

‘What?’

‘Come to Phuket with me’


	15. Fourteen.

**December; 2023**

Off decided to go back to London before the New Year started, which didn’t go well with Gun who wanted to spend the last week of the year with him.

‘Why can’t you visit her after New Year?’, Gun shouted at him as he continued packing his bag, ‘You didn’t let me bring my dad to Bangkok bu I’m supposed to allow you to go off to London last minute? How is that fair?’

‘Invite your dad over’, Off simply replied back, ‘I won’t be home anyway, so you can let them come over and spend New Year with you’, his suggestion burnt Gun even more with the notion that his father was only allowed to visit to compensate for his actions of leaving for London for his own selfish reasons. If anything, it only made things worse as Gun glared at him, standing by the door as he continued to pack a small suitcase.

It baffled Gun how he could look at his own husband with an underlying hatred inside him when he’d never seen Off like that before. Not even in high school. The changes of his heart made him less understanding of the man stood in front of him and for a moment, he just wanted Off to go and never return.

‘You’re always like that. Never letting anyone change your mind once you’ve made your decision’, Gun sigh giving up because he knew his raised voice wasn’t going to make Off stay anyway, ‘Fine, go visit your mother and sort your shit out’

‘Didn’t you want me to do this?’, Off noticed his bitter tone, looking up and zipping up his case, ‘You said this is what I need to do’

‘Maybe in another time’, Gun said, ‘We haven’t even told our family here that we’re already thinking of adopting’

 _Ah yes._ Off remembered the application that they broke their back trying to finish, sleepless nights and ongoing phone calls from lawyers they’ve both been suggested to.

‘We’ll tell them once I get back’, Off promised him, ‘I just need to get this done now otherwise I might never be able to gain the courage to go back and see her. Unlike you, I’m not as strong as people make me to be’, he confessed, looking down at his packed suitcase, avoiding his husband’s eyes.

‘I’m not gonna say I’m happy about this’, Gun sighed, closing his eyes and massaging his temples, ‘But if this means you get to come home with less baggage, then fine. I’ll let you go’

‘Thanks babe’, Off gave him a sweet smile which instantly broke his previous feelings of discontent. He didn’t know whether to love or hate Off that it would only take one smile to make him stop thinking and to keep hold of him.

‘Come back soon, okay?’

‘I will’

* * *

**London; Christmas**

Off was sitting inside The Shakespeare Head in Carnaby Street, drinking his lager as he sat back on his seat. He had a coat on, a scarf wrapped around his neck but his hands and face were still numb from the cold, his hair damp from the rain as he took shelter inside a pub in the middle of the night.

The street was crowded, as crowded as he expected it to be in Central London. The year’s theme was British Pop culture, Christmas lights hung around the street, all the way down to Regents’ Street fitting the theme. Quotes from famous movies and songs lit in bright wonder, dozens of visitors taking pictures of the lights above them whilst music played from buskers and performers.

‘What do those quote means?’, he heard someone ask him as a woman sat down beside his table, which was to be expected since the pub was packed and he was sitting by himself with an empty seat. She was probably around his age, her cheeks rosy red from the sudden gush of heat in the pub, telling him she’d just arrived.

‘Famous songs and movies that shaped British culture’, Off replied, looking out of their window and reading each one of them. There were fake snowflakes hung up on every shop window, faux snowmen lined all the way down the street, painting the usually grey London in bursts of rainbow.

‘Do you know any of them?’, she continued to ask him whilst she took off her scarf, resting it on their table.

_‘Choose Life’_

‘Trainspotting’, he pointed at the quote nearest to them, the cursive writing lit in hues of orange to fit the movie’s known aesthetic.

_‘Mama, I just killed a man’_

‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, Off pointed at the next Christmas lights.

_‘God save the Queen’_

‘Now, that one could have a double meaning’, Off replied, pointing to the last one that they could still read, the girl squinting her eyes and reading it, ‘That could be a reference to the national anthem or a reference to the other national anthem by the Sex Pistols’, he commented, making the girl laugh, knowing the answer when the famous picture of Queen Elizabeth behind the Union Jack with _SEX PISTOLS_ in cropped magazine fonts written across her hidden mouth.

‘The Brits are very patriotic, aren’t they?’, she joked and that’s when Off realised she had an American accent. He hadn’t spoken English in years so it took him time to differentiate the different accents, but once he did, he smiled at her and raised his lager to cheer with her cider.

‘What’re you doing in London during Christmas?’, he asked, trying to make conversation as the pub got louder, music blasting from the speakers whilst others started singing along.

‘Business trip’, she rolled her eyes, ‘I’m missing Christmas dinner back at home’

‘Oh, such a shame’, Off replied, ‘What job required you to be away for Christmas?’

‘Journalism’, she replied, laughing when Off faked a gag, jokingly putting on a disgusting look, ‘Okay, okay, I know’ she laughed, ‘We’re hated by everyone’

‘Especially by me’, Off said, ‘I work in PR’

‘Do you?’, her eyes widened, ‘Then I guess you’ve ran into the likes of me before’

‘And it usually ends in an argument’, he chuckled, drinking his lager and feeling his fingers tingle back to life from the warmth.

‘Is that why you’re here too? Work?’

‘No, visiting family’, he explained, ‘I haven’t seen my mother in years, so I thought this would be the perfect time to visit her’

‘What a nice son’, she joked, tugging her hair behind her ears and drinking her cider. Off noticed the ring around her finger and he smiled.

‘You’re engaged?’, he asked and when she looked down she smiled and nodded shyly.

‘I actually got into an argument with him before I left. I was supposed to spend Christmas with his family’

‘Yikes’, Off hissed, he could already imagined what type of argument that would’ve been for her, ‘Well, at the very least, I think you and I had a similar argument before I left home too’

‘How so?’

‘My husband didn’t want me to come during the holidays’, he didn’t know why he was telling a stranger about his problems. But there was something thrilling about the anonymity of a stranger knowing about your deepest worries. It meant never having to come back to the baggage you unloaded, therefore never having to deal with it again.

‘Well, why didn’t you take him with you? You’re not here for work’

‘I don’t want him anywhere near my mother. That’s why’, he sighed, finishing his lager and waving his hand to the bartender for more. He knew the way she looked at him wasn’t normal, but he didn’t care. He didn’t even know her name.

‘Shitty mother?’, she asked finally and when he nodded she started to laugh.

‘I guess we’ve all got a shitty family member’

‘Yes. Such a blessing’, Off sarcastically commented whilst he smiled at her, reaching his hand out once the waiter brought his drink over almost immediately.

‘At least you’re trying to make amends’

‘What?’

‘Isn’t that why you’re here?’, she asked, ‘To sort shit out’

‘Honestly, I don’t know why I’m here’

* * *

**One Month Before the Meeting**

The six hour long flight took a lot of nerve out of Gun who was pissed when he left Bangkok but was now nervous once they arrived at the place he’d been wondering about for a very long time. He’d been here before, mainly for business purposes, but he also came here with Jingjing after they graduated college, spending the whole week getting drunk and wasted on the beach.

‘Wow, I forgot how amazing this place is’, he heard Jay’s voice behind him, and when he turned around to see the man too busy taking pictures, he kind of regretted bringing him along. He had one clear goal for this trip and it didn’t consists of having a good time.

It was easy to get a weekend off since he just finished with a recent project from a private company that worked well, so his boss said he earned a few days off which he took immediately, asking Jay to also take a few days off.

‘Why don’t we go to the bar first? I heard they’ve set up a new one by the beach’, Jay walked on excitedly, reaching his hand out to grab onto Gun’s.

‘What’re you doing?’, he pulled back, looking up at Jay, ‘I don’t have time to got the bar. I need to check something first’, he didn’t comment about the way Jay had been trying to hold his hand since the flight, but his agitation was enough signal for Jay to step back.

‘Okay’, Jay raised his hand, ‘Where do you need to go first?’

* * *

‘Gun, you need to calm down’

‘No! I will not calm down! He just left me’

‘Have some faith in him’, his mum pointed out, reaching her hand to hold onto his but the former broke away, pacing back and forth in her living room, driving all the way back to her house after the night Off left him.

‘I need to find out what happened. You have to tell me if his dad told you anything’

‘Why would we? We only meet up when we’re meeting with you guys’, his mum pointed out, looking down at her hands as she sat down on the sofa with the TV playing something in the background, ‘Ask your husband’

‘I’m done with him. Officially done’, Gun shouted again, his frustration not easing the more he thought about it, ‘Mum, I beg of you, please just tell me something that could help me find who he was with in Phuket’

‘Who said he went to see someone?’, his mum asked him and he turned to glare at her. He rarely gets angry at him mum, nor did he give her any attitude, but the fact that she was still siding with Off rather than him was starting to piss him off.

‘Mum, I’m gonna go whether you tell me or not, but I don’t wanna be searching the whole city when you could just tell me who to meet. Now, tell me. Please’

His mum bit her lips, turning to look at the TV and pretending to pay attention whilst he waited for her reply.

‘Fine. I’m leaving’, Gun said, grabbing his bag and phone as he made his way out of the house.

‘Neen’, he heard her voice call out to him, giving him a name. He turned around, his hand still on the doorknob.

‘Neen who?’

‘Neen Suwanamas’

* * *

**London; Christmas**

‘Hello, you must be Thana’s boy’, Off was greeted by a white man wearing a suit the moment the doors opened for him.

‘You must be her fiancé’, Off greeted back, smiling as he stretched his hand out to shake the former’s. The man is kind and welcoming, not at all like the last guy who treated him like a leech or parasite.

‘She’s been talking about you’, he explained as he gave him a tour around the house which was situated in Kensington. He could already tell that by the location that the man was very wealthy and someone right up his mum’s alley by the looks of the fancy furniture and pretentious chandelier above the living room.

‘Off, honey. I’m do glad you came’

That voice. It was calm yet it made him frozen, his hands gripping on his suitcase as he turned to look for her. He closed his eyes, holding his breath in whilst counting to three.

‘It’s finally time you meet my fiancé and your stepdad’, she called out and when she finally turned to the door, she looked youthful and cheery despite the years between his departure. Her bright demeanour only made it hard for Off as he listened to her cheers and laugh, grabbing his hand whilst guiding him to the dining room.

‘Did dad tell you I was coming?’

‘Of course, he did’, she smiled, forcing him to sit down, ‘That’s why we prepared a Christmas dinner for three’

‘We don’t celebrate Christmas’, Off murmured to himself, but as he looked around, he saw their home decorated festively, with a massive Christmas tree in the middle of the living room, decorated in dancing Christmas lights, hung with baubles and candy canes with intricately wrapped presents underneath. They had Christmas stockings hung by the fireplace, tinsels hung around the halls and mantle piece. Everything looked gorgeous, but when Off looked down, he realised it wasn’t a dinner made for three like his mother said, but of five.

‘Come children. Come meet your step brother’, his mum clapped her hands with a warm smile on her face, and almost instantly, a pair of identical twins came rushing down the stairs, excitedly cheering as if they’ve been waiting for this moment.

Two girls greeted him, probably around the age of six, in identical red dresses. One girl had their hair tied back in a ponytail whilst the other had her hair down. That was the only way he could tell the two apart.

‘Uh…’, Off huffed as soon as one of them jumped on his lap, hugging him tightly like a bear, ‘Hello?’

‘Hi, I’m Agatha’, the girl who jumped on him in introduced herself. He looked at her and when she smiled she had both her front teeth missing, ‘Nice to meet you, Jumpol’, he was surprised that she used his birth given name and wondered why his mother talked about him with his formal name.

‘I’m Helen’, the other twin waved shyly, her hair down and hiding her face but there was a warm smile on her face.

‘Now, now, let’s all sit down and have our dinner’, his mum smiled at them, walking over as she fondly picked up Agatha from him, stroking her hair.

Was this the same woman? She was so loving and attentive over the girls, not at all how she was with him even when he was their age.

‘We heard you work in PR’, his mum’s fiancé, who told him to just call him Michael, decided to make small conversations whilst his mum prepared the girls for their meals, folding a napkin on their lap and giving them a smaller set of cutlery. It was all so weird.

‘Yeah’, Off nodded, ‘The job’s been good so far’

‘That’s great. I heard you did rather well at school’

‘I guess so’

‘So why PR?’, Michael asked him, ‘Not that it’s not good, but your mother told me how she expected you to go into medicine’

‘I’m not that good at sciences’, Off explained, eating slowly as he stole glances to his mother. He may not be close to her, but they knew each other well enough to communicate without words, so whilst she was helping feed Helen with her turkey, she also stole glances at him, glaring at him to behave.

 _Ah._ She met another family man but this time he truly adores his kids so if she slips up, she’s out the window. Off chuckled to himself as he reached for the wine, pouring himself one.

‘I preferred the arts’, Off added on, ‘It was more fun’

‘Well, young folks tend to prefer jobs they can have fun in’, Michael laughed, ‘Which is a privilege. When I was young, you work to pay the bills, not to have fun’

‘Times have definitely changed’, Off mumbled, stealing another glance at his mother. She must be traumatised since he ruined her last relationship with his existence alone, but with her blabbering mouth and constant praise of him, he realised she must of used a different technique to win this guy over.

‘Why haven’t you visited us sooner?’, his mum joined in the conversation, ‘I’ve missed you so’

‘Me too’, Off faked a smile, deciding to give in and act in his mother’s façade. She’d truly never let him go if he causes a mess tonight, ‘I should visit you guys often’

‘Please do!’, Agatha cheered, clapping her hands and speaking with her mouth full, ‘You can take us out to Legoland! We’ll have so much fun!’

‘And you can drop us off to school’, Helen chimed in, ‘And pick us up!’

‘I guess I can do that’, he faked another smile and as they dug into their dinner, Off couldn’t wait for it to be over so he could have a heartfelt talk with his changed mother.

* * *

‘Your lucky your dad warned me you were coming’, his mum whispered as soon as they were alone in the kitchen, Off offering to wash the dishes whilst Michael was busy trying to control the two hyperactive twin. He just knew his mum was going to join him in a couple of minutes, ‘Otherwise I wouldn’t have let you in’

‘I’m glad you at least told your new husband about me’, Off chuckled dryly, letting the soap soak the ends of his sleeves, not bothering to roll them up, ‘That was a nice change from the previous man’

‘He’s a family man’, she sighed, listening to the girls shrieking in joy, ‘I told him I had a son and he almost leaped in joy. He said he always wanted a boy’

‘Well, if you get pregnant again with a son, be nice to it’, Off replied, placing the clean dish on the drying rack.

‘Of course, I will. I love Michael and his children. I’ll love the children that we’ll have in the future as well’, she commented and it burnt him, more than he though it would, but he kept a straight face, feeling his hands shrivel from being dunked in the water for too long.

‘Now I understand why you don’t love me’, Off pointed out nonchalantly, yet the subject was anything but, ‘You hated dad’

‘Yes, I did’, she nodded bluntly, ‘And when you were born, you looked just like him. I couldn’t stand it’

‘Then why did you stay with us? All this time?’, he stopped washing the plates, letting the tap run down his hands, ‘If you hated him, then just leave’

‘He would’ve gone back to her’, she whispered, looking down and playing with the new engagement ring around her finger. The diamond was bigger than her previous one, shining more brightly when the light hits it.

‘Gone back to who?’, Off didn’t know what he expected to hear, but he braised himself with whatever life had to punch his way.

‘His other woman’, she chuckled, ‘She always had him wrapped around her finger, even when I had him’

‘What the fuck do you mean by that?’, he turned off the tap, letting the soap lather on his hands as he turned to face her, furrowed eyes trying to read her expression. But he learnt from the best in regards to hiding his emotions so he couldn’t even begin to read hers.

‘You don’t think your father had more than one woman, did you?’, his mum began to laugh, combing back her hair as she stared back at him, ‘Did he really make you believe that he was the good guy?’

‘Are you saying dad had a mistress?’

‘No’, she shook her head, leaning back on the counter, ‘What I’m saying is he had a whole other family’, she corrected him, ‘You should be glad that I forced him to stay around, other wise you might not have grown up with a dad’

Off looked down at the sink, biting the inside of his cheeks.

‘Much like that husband of yours’

‘Excuse me?’, Off swiftly turned his glance back to him mother as soon as she made the comment, his eyes widening, ‘How do you know about my husband?’

‘It didn’t take too long to research about him after your father mentioned him’, his mum pointed out, tilting her head in confusion at his baffled expression. But it turned to amusement as she chuckled at him, ‘I know that kid. He used to go to your high school right? Didn’t you two get into a fight?’

‘You remember?’

‘How could I not? Your Principal was practically howling at how the two of you did her head in. Who’d’ve thought, the only time I’d visit my son’s school was the time where he punched a poor little kid’s face blue’

‘Why would you stalk him? Don’t you want nothing to do with my marriage?’

‘I may hate your father, but I’ve learnt to be worried about you’, his mother replied.

‘Wow. I guess maternal instincts missed the bus with you’, Off laughed back at her lack of caring words, turning the sink back on to wash off, ‘If that’s why you hated dad, then fine. But you didn’t have to hate me too. I didn’t asked to be born. You brought that to yourself’

‘How would you like it seeing your husband fall in love with another woman whilst you’re pregnant with his child? Tell me how I couldn’t hate you’

‘Wait, he cheated on you when… When you were pregnant with me?’

‘Not just that. He was getting ready to leave us too’, she added on, ‘Especially after that bitch got pregnant too just so she could force him to stay’

‘What?!’

‘Your father is the true villain in the story’, she whispered, ‘So, I don’t know why he’s starting to act like a saint. Maybe he’s just scared that one day you’ll find out the truth and you’ll never forgive him’

‘Is that why you were both fighting?’, Off had to hold onto the counter, his head spinning.

‘Yeah. I found out he’d been sending money over to her. He’d been helping her raise that bastard child of hers’

‘I’m sorry’, Off whispered back, massaging his temples as he tried to get rid of the growing headache. He thought of all the countless fights yet he couldn’t remember what they were fighting about. He had ran away before he could understand why his parents were shouting, but he wished he had stayed.

‘No worries’, her mother reached her hand out to stroke his hair, ‘It’s all your father’s fault’

Off heaved out a sigh, his damp hands holding onto his mother’s as they stayed silent in the kitchen. He couldn’t even begin to wrap his head around things. Was that why his father reached out to him all of a sudden, asking for forgiveness? Because he already left behind one family and he needed this one? He didn’t know whether to be pissed at him or not. It felt like all the years they spent trying to rebuilt their relationship came crashing down – and for a split second – he was on his mother’s side.

‘I’m sorry it happened to you’

‘You shouldn’t be’, his mother laughed, resting her palm on his cheeks as she looked into his eyes, ‘I was the bitch’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You were the child your father chose. I knew it would work, especially when he found out you were going to be a boy’

‘Wait, what?’, Off pushed her hands away as if it had just turned into fire, burning his skin as he glared at her.

‘His wife was so passive, it was easy for me to take him from her’, she told the story with amusement in her eyes and Off didn’t know whether she was joking but her tone was scary, because it showed no remorse whatsoever, ‘But then she found out about us and said she was willing to forgive him if he chose her over me. So, of course, I wasn’t gonna let that happen. So we had you’

‘You got pregnant with me just so you can keep a man that wasn’t even yours in the first place?’, Off started to breathe heavily, his hands quivering, ‘You never wanted me’

‘I didn’t mind the idea of having a kid’, his mum pointed out, ‘So I wouldn’t say I didn’t want you’

_He was a pawn. He always had been, even before he was born. Nothing more, nothing less._

‘Then to everyone’s surprise, the woman got pregnant too’, she rolled her eyes at the memory, ‘It was a closed call since your father already chose me and you. But he nearly went back to her. He flew over just to see her just before I went into labour. That’s why I couldn’t stand the sight of you. But, thankfully he came back to us’

‘You stole someone else’s husband and ruined their lives and you’re not even guilty about it?’

‘Your father shouldn’t have slept with two women’, she pointed at him, her finger piercing and judgemental, ‘Don’t blame the women for being played by a selfish man’

‘My god, you have no morals’, Off pushed her hand away, grabbing a towel and drying his hands, ‘I’m leaving. I wish you a good life, but I no longer wanna be part of it’

‘You burst my bubble, so now I’m going to burst yours’, she raised her voice, calling out his name again, ‘According to my research, she lives in Phuket. Find her and you’ll find your answers’

‘What answers?’, Off turned to glare at her, raising his voice and not caring if Michael heard them, ‘What do I have to do with the mess you made?’

‘Maybe you’ll get to know what happened to the sister who you stole a father from?’

Off’s entire life came crashing down on him that night, his heart clenching at the new truth that he was faced with.

‘I didn’t steal him from her. Whoever she is’

‘Your father chose you’, his mum smiled at him, ‘Because you’re his son and because men are scums who prefer to raise a son than a daughter. You’re already turning out to be just like him’

‘I am not like him’, Off emphasised on each and every word, stepping closer and whispering to her, ‘But I could be just like you’, he warned, ‘I can go back out to the living room and tell Michael everything. So, don’t make me’

‘You’ve already wrecked one family with me’, his mother pointed out, ‘Wreck this one, and your mind won’t sleep well for the rest of your life. Oh, and since it runs in the family, maybe you’ll do it to your husband too’

Off felt his skin break as he clenched his fists, his nails digging into his palm until he felt blood trickling from his hands.

‘You’re a time bomb, Off Jumpol. Just like me and your father, you’re gonna explode one day, and you’re gonna hurt everyone around you in the process. Because you’re my son’

* * *

**One Month Before the Meeting**

‘Does Neen Suwanamas work here?’, Gun sauntered into one of the bars downtown, a further walk from the beach then they had expected. Jay was already tired, walking up and down numerous streets trying to find one girl, so he lazily sat down on one of the stools, waving his hand to order a drink whilst fanning his sweating face.

‘Who’s this Neen girl?’, Jay asked after he caught his breath, sipping on a cocktail and watching as Gun looked down on his phone. They had underestimated just how oversaturated Phuket was of bars and pubs, he would have to search the entire city by the looks of it.

‘Someone I hope I don’t regret meeting’, Gun replied, which only confused Jay. Why was Gun so desperate in seeking someone he didn’t wanna meet?

‘Let me guess. Are we searching for Off’s mistress?’, Jay chuckled, spinning the straw around his cocktail and downing the sweet taste of pineapple and vodka, but when Gun turned to glare at him, he bit his lip and apologised.

‘Why would he meet someone who worked in a bar in Phuket?’, Gun whispered to himself as he continued to read his phone. There was no connection between Phuket and Off’s mother, so was Off using his trip to London as an excuse to hide something bigger in Phuket? He’d tried to make up absurd stories just so he could connect the dots, but he was still missing so many pieces and it was driving him insane.

‘Neen?’, the bartender looked up at him for a second and that flash was enough of a signal that he recognised the name.

‘Yes’, Gun smiled, hopeful when the bartender turned around, ‘Is she working’

‘Yo! Neen! Someone’s here for you again! Looks like your popular with the lads’, the bartender started laughing as he shouted at someone from inside the kitchen.

‘Shut up Lee’, Gun heard a soft voice reply. A young woman opened the door and walked in. She was probably around their age or maybe younger, her hair tied and tucked under her hair net. She had on the bar’s uniform with an apron and gloves.

‘What do you want?’, she looked over at him, scanning him up and down, ‘I don’t think we’ve met’

‘No. No we haven’t’, Gun shook his head, nervously leaning his hand on the counter, ‘But I think I-’, he didn’t finish his sentence. How could he when he edged closer and saw something hidden between her translucent gloves. Jewellery tend to look alike, most of the time, you could find replicas, especially when it comes to engagement rings. They were a simple silver band with a diamond resting in the middle. But it was the diamond itself that was one of a kind – and Gun recognised it instantly.

_It was Off’s mother’s engagement ring._

His breath hitched as he continued to look down on it, scared that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him and it was in fact that promise ring Off had given to him four years ago.

‘Uh… Hello?’, the young woman waved her hand to his face when he stopped talking, ‘I have to get back in the kitchen. Do you need anything?’

‘Where did you get that ring?’, Gun pointed at it, his hands slightly shaking.

Neen looked down at the ring on her finger and the bartender started laughing.

‘Everyone’s been asking you about that ring’, he continued to laugh, a loud hefty growl from the wide built man, ‘Is it worth millions or what?’

‘I guess so’, Need turned back to nod at him, ‘My boyfriend gave it to me’

‘Your… Boyfriend’, Gun leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a second, letting that word hang in the air for a couple more seconds as he tried to wrap his head around everything.

‘Oh shit.’, Jay managed to connect everything, looking at the ring and back at Gun, ‘So we _are_ here to look for the mistress’, he whispered with wide eyes, sliding the half finished cocktail on the other side of the table as he stood up. He reached out his hand to hold Gun’s and this time the latter didn’t pull back.

‘Your boyfriend gave you that?’, Gun asked again, still confused, ‘Are you sure?’

‘Look, a lot of people have been wanting to buy this off me, but it means a lot and my boyfriend will kill me if I did, so if that’s all you’re gonna ask from me, then I suggest you leave’

‘My mum knows you’, Gun couldn’t help but talk aloud to himself, ‘Why does my mum know you?’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’, Nee furrowed her brow, questioning the odd man who had just walked in the bar midday asking her odd questions, ‘Get out’, she ordered them when he continued to mention about mothers and she couldn’t take it anymore. She’d had enough talk about mothers and she didn’t need to hear anymore.

‘Come on Gun, let’s check into our hotel’, Jay whispered to him, his thumb stroking Gun’s hand as he held on tight, comforting him as Gun continued to whisper curses to himself, allowing Jay to drag him out of the bar.

* * *

**Phuket; 2024**

Off was jet lagged. He was also half drunk with the champagne he ordered on the plane and he was about as emotionally prepared for this conversation as a pig ready for slaughter. But his mother’s words kept playing in his mind to the point where he couldn’t sleep unless he was punched out with alcohol.

_It runs in the family. Maybe you’ll do it to your husband too._

Then he remembered the day he met Gun’s dad. How hostile and bitter he acted and how he refused to let them spend New Year with them. He had already started. He was already pulling Gun away from his family just so he could keep him for himself.

The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.

‘Hey, my boss said you wanted to talk to me’, a girl’s voice brought him out of his daze, and he focused his gaze to her when she sat down in front of him.

_Shit._

She looked a little bit like his dad. Or should he say their dad.

‘I don’t know who you are, but you specifically asked for me so I’m guessing you’re one of Seal’s men. Look, I’ll get straight to the point, business is running low on the bar so I don’t have enough money to pay you back. I’ll have the money by next week though, I promise’

‘You’re broke?’, Off asked her. She had on a badge which said _kitchen assistant_ with her name printed underneath it. Neen looked oddly at him after his question, not knowing why one of Seal’s men wasn’t cursing her out or flipping a table like they usually do.

‘Loan sharks like you only talk to broke people like me’, Neen said matter of factly and it only made Off’s guilty conscience rise to the fullest at the thought that she was making ends meet whilst he was living a lavish life, unaware of the bullshit his own parents caused and the consequences it came with.

‘I’m not a loan shark’, Off replied to her, nervously biting his nails as he sat up, ‘I’m actually here to speak about your mother. Does she still live with you?’

‘Yeah’, Neen nodded, crossing her arms and suspiciously looking at him, ‘In an urn in my living room. Why?’

‘She passed away already?’

‘Yeah. Cancer’

‘For fuck’s sake’, Off hissed at himself, tugging his hair in frustration as the build up continued.

‘Excuse me?’, Neen raised her voice, misunderstanding his frustration, ‘Whatever you have against my mum, I need you to let it go, because she’s gone. Have some respect for the dead’

‘No, no that’s not why I’m pissed’, Off bowed his head and apologised, ‘I was just hoping I’d have a conversation with her… At least once’

‘Why?’

‘I wanted to apologise’, Off looked down on the table. God, he couldn’t even look at her. Instead, he looked down on his hands which were marked, the wound on his palm still not healed, ‘I wanted to apologise for my mother’

‘What about your mother?’

‘My name’s Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn’, Off finally introduced himself and by the way her eyes widened in shock at the mention of his last name, he knew she recognised it within an instant, ‘I think I’m your brother’

There was a moment of silence and he watched as Neen crossed her arms and leaned back on her chair. She stared at her feet, biting her lip before she bursted out laughing. It was a reaction he didn’t expect and he sat awkwardly and watched her clap her hands like a seal, laughing madly as she pointed at him.

‘You’re the bitch’s son?’, she asked in between breathes, ‘God, I always pictured you ugly’

‘I… Uh…’, Off didn’t know where to begin and after she stopped laughing, she immediately glared at him.

‘Anyway, I don’t wanna talk to you, so have a nice life’, she said before kicking the table and walking back to the bar.

‘Wait, come on, are you seriously going to blame me for something my mum did?’

‘Yes’, Neen turned back to him, ‘And I’d gladly murder you on my mother’s behalf too’

‘But I wasn’t the one who cheated on your mum’

‘You were the one who stole my dad’, Neen shouted back at him. She grabbed his shirt, tugging him closer until they were face to face, ‘And judging by that pretty watch on your wrist, it looks like you’ve never lifted a finger in your life, whilst I had to drop out of college to work just so I can pay for my mother’s treatment’

‘I’m sorry’, Off said, pulling away from her strong grip, ‘I didn’t even know you existed till last week’

‘Ah great’, she laughed at him, ‘So I’m fatherless, motherless, broke and nonexistent too. Just add that to the list of reasons why my life is so shit’

His mother knew this already. She must’ve if she researched about her down to her workplace. His mother specifically wanted him to travel all the way here to see her just so he couldn’t live with the guilt that his sister was piss poor because of him. She wanted to slap him on the face and invalidate his own problems by reminding him that his sister had it worse.

Touché on her part. She really got him good.

‘I’m sorry’, Off said again, combing his hair back in frustration, ‘But I’m here now. Maybe I can help. How much do you owe?’

‘Go fuck yourself’, Neen pushed him as soon as he offered, ‘I don’t want anything to do with you and your stupid shitty home wrecking mother. I’m doing fine’

‘Wait!’, just as she was about to head back, he reached his hand out and tugged at her wrist, pulling her back to him, ‘If you don’t want my help, at least have this’

He dug in his pockets and pulled out what he thought was his mother’s engagement ring, but after arguing with his father on the phone during his ride home, he realised the ring belonged to someone else, and it was stolen by his mother.

‘It was your mum’s’, Off explained to her, handing her the ring, ‘I think you should have it’

It was hidden in one of their drawers, safely kept in a small box which Gun purchased himself since he didn’t want to damage the ring. Gun thought it was still there and he didn’t know how he was going to explain that it didn’t belong to them because it never belonged to his mother in the first place.

Neen looked down at the ring which was well kept, shining on the palm of her hand. She had heard about this ring before. Her mother spoke about it, how special it was since it was the first gift that was given to her by anyone. She saw it in pictures and she couldn’t believe she finally had it in her hands.

‘Here’s my number’, Off passed her a small folded note, ‘Call me whenever you need anything. I’m your big brother after all’

‘We’re the same age, you bastard’, Neen growled at him, but she slid the ring and paper in her pockets, ‘And you’re not my brother, so get out of here and don’t come back’

Off watched her disappear back into the bar, leaving him alone in the heat. But he didn’t leave for another two days.

Neen later found out that Off had searched around the city for the loan company she owed. He paid her and her mother’s debt in full with one cheque and in the span of three days, she was finally debt free for the first time in her life, united with her mother’s most valuable gift and have earned a rich older brother.

But to Off, in the span of three days, he had gained another baggage he couldn’t get rid off and had to keep a secret from his own husband.

**_Neen: I still hate you and I saw the wedding ring on your finger. If you dare talk about me to your bastard father or family, I’ll kill you. I never wanna associate myself with the likes of you, got it?_ **

****

* * *

****

**One Month Before the Meeting**

‘There’s only one way to find out if he cheated on you’, Jay said as he laid on his bed and watched Gun pace back and forth, waiting for his mum to pick up the phone but he was left on voicemail once more.

‘Where the hell is she that she’s not picking up?’, Gun whined as he gave up and threw his phone on the bed. This trip had turned sour almost as instantly as he arrived and he didn’t know who to project his anger to.

‘Gun, just check P’Off’s account’, Jay said for the umpteenth time, ‘You have his password, right?’

‘I’m not doing that’, Gun jerked his head back to glare at Jay, turning down his suggestion, ‘I want Off to explain it himself’

‘Since when has P’Off ever explained anything to you?’, Jay sighed, leaning his arm on the headboard, ‘The reason why we’re here is because P’Off hasn’t explained jackshit, so why would he now?’

Gun didn’t want to be swayed by Jay. His heart still wanted to trust Off no matter how many suspicions were slowly wrapping itself around him. He loves Off too much. He had to keep holding on.

But that wasn’t just his mother’s engagement ring. That was the promise ring he gave to him, promising to always love him, for better or worse. And it was wrapped around someone else’s finger. It made him nervous and it was slowly pushing him over the edge.

‘Gun, if that girl was P’Off’s girlfriend, he would’ve spent some money on her, don’t you think?’, Jay continued to poke Gun, nudging him to the edge even though he was already tiptoeing around it, ‘Just check his account. Come on’

‘For fuck’s sake!’, Gun shouted, punching the wall, but Jay smiled when Gun grabbed his phone from the bed, clearly logging into Off’s account.

‘P’Off plays fair, I’m sure that’s not his girlfriend’, Jay spoke out, ‘But wouldn’t that be a plot twist? The man who always plays fair being the one who was the most filthy?’

Jay stopped talking when he realised Gun wasn’t responding to him.

‘Gun?’, he called his name when Gun stood frozen in the middle of their hotel room, his eyes glued to the phone as he scrolled down his husband’s bank statement, going through each withdrawal one by one until his eyes landing on something.

‘Off Jumpol, what the hell did you do?’, Gun whispered as his cheeks turned red from anger with a mixture of shocked sadness, ‘What the hell’


	16. Fifteen.

**Six Months Before the Meeting**

Gun’s mother came to see him after his return from Phuket after Gun spent three days crying in her house. She had shouted at him for leaving her son in the shadows whilst he sneaked off without anyone’s knowledge and her screams turned into nails digging at his skin as he sat in his kitchen and listened to her. Ever since his return from Phuket, he’d been numb, hollow as he watched his sister from a distance. He followed her to her apartment – if you could even call it that – waking up at the break of dawn to start her first job, finishing up and heading straight to the bar for her second one. It was tiring just watching her, and the fact that she’d probably been doing this all her life made it worse.

‘Off, listen to me. I like you, you’re my son in law, but I can’t sit back and watch you hurt my son without explaining’, Gun’s mum continued to lecture him, bringing him back to reality of his own life, which was slowly being chipped away from it’s perfect illusion.

‘I have a sister’, Off confessed, interrupting his mother in law from shouting. She paused, as any normal person would with the given information.

‘Care to elaborate?’

‘My mum stole my dad away from his family and got pregnant with me’, Off chuckled, picking the scab off his wound and making it bleed again. He didn’t think he deserved to heal, ‘My dad abandoned my sister and now she’s in Phuket barely getting by herself’

‘Oh my God’,she whispered, biting her lip when he saw his empty expression, ‘I’m sorry’

‘No, it should be me to apologise. I did this to her’

‘Off, honey, no, that’s not-’

‘I’m gonna fix my parents’ mistakes’, Off turned to look up at her, this time his eyes filled with guilty hope, ‘But I need you to do me a favour’

‘What?’

‘Don’t tell Gun’

‘What? Are you crazy? He’s your husband. He should know’, she pointed out, ‘You can’t hold this in all by yourself. You need support’

‘She said she doesn’t want anyone knowing about her, including my dad and Gun’, Off explained to her, ‘I know she probably said that half heartedly, but I’ve already fucked her life enough. I can at least pull through with this one request’, he explained himself, watching as the fresh blood trickled down his palm and down to his wrist.

‘Off… This isn’t a good idea’

‘I need to gain her trust’, Off said, ‘She won’t let me help her if I don’t prove to her that I’m not like my mum. So, my dad and Gun can’t know that I’m planning to keep in touch with her’

‘What did you tell your dad?’

‘I told him that I couldn’t find her’, Off stood up and walked over to the fridge to pull himself a glass of beer, ‘But he knows that I know everything’

‘Can you forgive him?’

‘It’s not me that he needs to seek forgiveness’, Off chuckled dryly as he opened the can of beer, ‘Like everyone says, I’m the golden child’, he smiled at her as he raised the beer to down it in one go. But Gun’s mum took it off his hand before he could drink.

‘No drinking’, she ordered him, throwing the can of beer to the sink, ‘I know what alcohol can do. I’m only going to keep your secret if you promise me not to drink through this’

‘I’m not gonna become an alcoholic’

‘You’ll be surprised how tempting it is. You already do it with the smoking’

‘I’m not addicted. It’s a hobby’

‘More like a habit’, she sighed, ‘Off, I’m your mother now too, and I care about you. So, if you wanna help your sister, go ahead and do it, but please, for the love of God, help yourself too’

‘I can’t help myself Miss’, Off smiled at her, ‘I’m a time bomb. We just need to wait until I explode before you can get rid of what’s left of me’

* * *

**One Month Before the Meeting**

‘Why do you wanna move to Bangkok?’, Off asked as he walked out of the hotel room with Neen on the other side of the phone.

‘There’s nothing left for me here’, she said to him, her voice broken and croaky and he could tell she’d been crying, ‘My mother’s gone, my friends have moved away and my boyfriend just dumped me. Plus, my rent is due and I don’t have the money to pay for it’

‘Okay, I guess I can help you get started here’, Off sighed, opening his car door and getting in, ‘But do you have your resume? You need to get a job straight away if you wanna survive in Bangkok’

‘Yeah, but it doesn’t look good. I dropped out of college after first year’

‘That’s okay. What was your major?’

‘Culinary’

‘You went to culinary school?’

‘Yeah, I wanted to be a chef’, Neen explained to him and she didn’t know why she was opening up when she vowed never to reach out to him even if she was desperate. But right now, she wasn’t just desperate, she was lonely and needed someone to talk to.

‘Okay, this might take a while, but would you like it if I helped you set up your own restaurant?’, Off suggested, plugging his phone in the car and finding the address saved automatically on his GPS.

‘You would do that for me?’, she asked.

‘Yeah, and I already have a place’

* * *

‘You wanna buy Mrs Pho’s old shop?’, P’Pon looked at Off the moment he arrived at the night market in his best suit.

‘Hey P’Off’, Cherry, who was now a teenager, walked down to the kitchen to grab a drink, waving at the man before walking back upstairs. Her house still looked the same and Off rarely visits her even when he was in the night market, but he needed her help now.

‘Her place’s been abandoned ever since the last owner left. As far as I know, it’s not even on sale’

‘Well, you knew the previous owner. Can I have their number? I’ll persuade them to sell it to me’

‘Off, darling… Mrs Pho would’ve loved for you to keep the shop but… I don’t know, maybe it’s time for you to let her go’

‘I have let her go’, Off defended himself, ‘I just need a place to buy. It’s for someone I know. She needs help’

‘Help? What help?’

‘She wants to open a restaurant’

‘Oh, why didn’t you say so!’, P’Pon sighed in relief, clutching her chest as she heaved out a sigh. She was nervous when Pik told her that Off wanted to talk to her about something important. Whilst others didn’t ask him, she could tell with the way he spoke that Mrs Pho’s death still affected him till this day and she didn’t want to to get worse.

‘So, can I have their number?’

‘Well, of course, darling’

* * *

‘That’s a lot of money’, Jay pointed out when Gun explained the shit he found on his own husband’s account as they shared a drink at one of the bars beside the beach. They sat outside, letting the sun kiss their skin and the winds blow their hair.

Gun stared out into the sea, watching the crowds of people sitting on the sand and swimming, ‘You know what’s worse?’, he laughed, drinking his cocktail beside Jay, ‘When my mum picked up the phone and I asked her who Neen was, she said she didn’t know. I told her that she was wearing my ring and she continued to say she didn’t know’

‘You don’t think your mum’s conspiring with Off to hide his affair, right?’

‘No, my mum’s not like that’, Gun shook his head, ‘She would never do that to me’

‘Then why did she say she didn’t know who she was?’

‘Because Off must’ve lied to her’, his assumptions were the only thing that made sense right now and not even his mum could confirm it. He knew he had to get the truth out of Off himself, but he didn’t even wanna look at him.

‘I really thought he was cool’, Jay sighed, staring at Gun in pity, ‘But I guess he’s just a scum’

Off? A scum? It was hard to believe. It felt like there was more, there should be more than this. Off was too complicated to succumb to something simple like an affair, but he couldn’t lie, the connections were slowly piecing itself together. It was worrying how he was starting to believe it, but when he looked down at his wedding ring, it only reminded him of the ring around the girl’s finger that belonged to him and his stomach churned.

‘Maybe it was a different ring’, Jay said, ‘You can’t recognise every ring you’ve ever owned’

‘That wasn’t just a ring I owned Jay’, Gun rolled his eyes at him, ‘That was… It was… His promise to me’

‘Then it looks like he broke that promise’, Gun felt Jay reach out to him, holding his hands and slipping his ring off.

‘What the hell are you doing?’, Gun glared at him the moment he felt the metal leave, tugging his hand back before Jay could take it.

‘Don’t you think it’s unfair that Off could put you through all of this yet here you are, still faithful to him?’

‘Faithful my ass. I kissed you didn’t I?’, Gun pointed out, forcing Jay back to his place, ‘Plus, he knew we kissed… I only saw a ring. There could be a million explanations for it’

‘Oh yeah? Tell me one which doesn’t consist of having an affair?’

Gun didn’t answer him. He couldn’t. He didn’t know a million reasons, he only knew one. And it was the one he didn’t like. He watched as Jay tried again, holding his hand and slowly taking off his ring.

It’s been there so long, it made a dent on his finger, tan lines shaping the circular band on his skin.

‘We’re in Phuket, so why don’t we have some fun?’, Jay suggested, sliding his wedding ring inside his pocket and stealing it from Gun. But was it considered stealing when Gun allowed him to do it?

‘I don’t feel like partying’

‘It’ll do you good’, Jay interrupted him before he could change his mind, ‘It’ll be a good distraction’

_A distraction._ He supposed that’s what he needed.

* * *

**January; 2024**

‘Off, where the hell are you? Gun’s pissed at you’, Off heard Arm’s vice through his car speakers as he made his way back home, parking his car in the garage and resting his head on the stirring wheel.

‘He knows I’m on a business trip’

‘Business trip my ass. He called Mild and she said there was no business trip’

‘For fuck’s sake’, Off closed his eyes and banged his head against the wheel, causing his car to honk loudly, ‘Where is he?’

‘He’s at his mum’s house. He doesn’t even wanna talk to any of us. Where the hell were you?’

‘Just out’, Off simply replied, ‘I’ll explain later. I need to go to sleep, I’m tired’

‘No, you can’t’, Arm sighed, ‘I didn’t call you because of Gun. I actually called you because of Frank’

‘What? Why?’

‘He ran away again’

_‘Again?’,_ Off whined, pressing his temple as he tried to get rid of his headache, ‘Why is this kid running away? I thought he likes Tay and New now’

‘I don’t know, but apparently he wasn’t in his room the whole night. Tay wants to ask if you know where he could be’

‘Frank’s not my son’, Off said, ‘They should know where their kid is’

‘Yeah, but Frank likes you. Surely you’ll have an idea, right?’

‘Fine’, he sighed, giving in as he turned off his engine and walked out of the car, ‘But let me take a shower first before I look for him’

‘Thanks’, Arm sighed in relief when Off agreed, ‘I would help and look, but I gotta take care of Alice’

‘Ah right. How’s the baby coming along?’

‘Healthy. It has a heartbeat’, despite the stress, Arm couldn’t help but show off his baby every time someone asked and Off smiled for his friend, the first smile he made since he got back from London. He knew Arm would be out looking for Frank too if he had a chance, but they also knew it would be best for Off to do it, since the kid had a soft spot for him.

But Off was a mess himself. How was he going to find a troubled kid in the middle of Bangkok when he’d only had three hours worth of sleep and a bag load of stress in his mind? He couldn’t help but feel pissed that Frank decided to stir trouble the moment he returned home.

Why did he run away again? As far as family counselling says, Frank’s been settling in great with his best friends.

‘That kid’s gonna be the death of them’, he murmured to himself, heading to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of ice water before he hit the showers.

‘Oh, hey P’Off’

‘Jesus Christ!’, Off flinched at the sound of another voice in he room, dropping his water bottle and letting the plastic drop on the kitchen tile, spilling the water all over the floor. He turned around to find the devil kid himself sitting in his kitchen, eating his cereal and wearing his shirt by the looks of it, ‘Frank?!’

‘I didn’t know you’d be back’, the teenager replied nonchalantly, chewing his cereal and waving at him. His hair was damp and he had a towel resting on his shoulders, ‘Gun stormed off as soon as I told him you left to go on a business trip’

‘So how the fuck did you get in here?’, Off shouted at him, clutching his chest and leaning on the fridge as he glared at the boy.

‘You left spare keys at my dad’s place. They hid it in the most obvious place of course’

‘Oh, your dads, huh?’, Off crossed his arms, ‘Now that we’re on the topic, mind telling me why they’re running around like headless chickens trying to look for you?’

Frank only shrugged his shoulders and continued eating, pouring more milk to his bowl.

‘Frank, didn’t I tell you not to run away anymore?’, Off told him, ‘And to add on, you’ve been doing well in school and at home, so I don’t know why you’re suddenly acting up’

‘You wouldn’t know what it feels like to be used by everyone’, Frank whispered to him, looking down at the bowl as he swirled his spoon around, watching the liquid spin, ‘I knew the moment I arrived to their house why they wanted me there in the first place, and it’s not because they want a son like me’

Off kept silent. He still had his arms crossed just watching the way Frank stared blankly at his food.

‘Look, I’m no gonna sugarcoat this anymore, but yes. Tay and New wanted to impress the centre and the only way to do that was to prove that they can be good parents. But that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you’

‘I heard my social worker talk to our family therapist after the session’, Frank informed him. He never would’ve had the guts to tell Tay or New what he heard, but when it came to P’Off, he was comfortable around him, as if the adult wasn’t going to judge or take pity on him, ‘She was asking if things would change in my behaviour once I got sent back’

‘What?’

‘I guess they’re planning to approve their adoption applications which meant they don’t need me around anymore. I only have a few months with them and I’ll be out again’, Frank said, ‘Like always’

‘Is this why you refuse to settle in any home you’re put in?’, Off asked the boy, ‘Because you know you have to leave it anyway?’

‘I don’t have a permanent home’, Frank admitted, ‘And it’s took late for me to get adopted. I’m too old’

‘You’re fourteen’, Off chuckled, ‘You’re still a kid’

‘No one wants a teenager. They only want babies. I’m just the pawn that gets them that’

‘Well, lucky for you, you’re not the only one’, Off smiled at him, walking over to sit beside the teenager, ‘Being an adult is just a façade. We still all act like kids, but instead of playing in the playground, we play at work and even in our own homes. We choose not to sit at certain tables during lunch hours, we spread rumours about others and we use people to get what we want. It’s the same as high school’

‘You wouldn’t understand’

‘Yeah, I do. Trust me, out of everyone here, I’m probably the only one who gets you’, Off laughed, ruffling Frank’s hair, ‘But unlike me, you actually have a set of parents who cares about you. Do you honestly think Tay and New are gonna let you go without a fight?’

‘You think they’ll ask me to stay?’

‘Of course, they will. You’re their son’, Off said to him, repeating the words again because he knew Frank needed to hear it, ‘And you’re not going anywhere. Got it?’

‘Yeah’, Frank smiled at him, his eyes turning red when he heard those words repeat again, ‘Yeah, I’m their son’, he nodded, letting the tears slide down for the first time, ‘And I’m not going anywhere’

‘That’s right kid’, Off pulled him into a hug, stroking his back as he let Frank cry on his shoulders.

God, if only he could cry with Frank, but instead, he held it in, like he always had, breathing in softly as he closed his eyes and counted to three.

‘I’m sorry’, Frank suddenly whispered once they pulled away, wiping his tears with the back of his hands, ‘I tried to explain to P’Gun about your trip, but he didn’t listen to me. I’m sorry that he’s mad at you. I really did try’

‘That’s alright kiddo’, Off smiled at him, stroking his damp hair again, ‘I brought it onto myself, so I’ll handle it’

‘I know you love P’Gun’, Frank pointed out, ‘I see the way you look at him’

‘Yeah, well, some things change I guess’

‘And I saw the way Gun paced around the house’, Frank added, ‘He looked worried more than angry. I think he cares about you, that’s why he’s pissed. P’Gun really loves you too’

He would think his heart would feel light by Frank’s words, but instead, it felt heavier, like the chains around his hands caught on fire and now it was melting his skin. Because he knew he was going to hurt Gun in the process.

_It runs in the family._

He’s gotten used to disassociating himself from his mother, but she was right. They had more things in common than he thought and it scared the shit out of him.

* * *

Off sat in his office the following week after his return, trying to reach Gun but his husband refused to answer his calls.

‘Tell him something. Anything. Maybe that you visited your family on your mum’s side’

‘That’s lying. Do you really want me to lie to your son?’, Off spoke over the phone to Gun’s mother who’d called him as soon as he returned to work.

‘Then what? If you can’t tell the truth and you refused to lie, what’re you gonna tell him?’

‘I’m not gonna tell him anything’, Off replied, and he knew that wasn’t going to work, but if he pushed through, maybe Gun would understand and stop asking him. He had to rely on Gun’s trust to make it work and he hoped Gun still had it in him to do that.

‘You’re going to torture him and yourself’, she added on, ‘This isn’t the way to do it’

‘I wanna take care of my sister’, Off replied, ‘It’s the least I could do’

‘You didn’t do anything. It’s your parents’ job to fix their mistake, not you’

‘And do you expect them to do it?’, he asked and when he was met with silence, he took off his glasses and massaged his temples, ‘I’m gonna do it. I know I can do it. I know there’s more chance of her talking to me than our dad anyway’

‘Gun can help you. You know he will’

‘This is my problem, not his’, Off pointed out, ‘Remember what you said to me before the wedding? Just because we’re married doesn’t mean we have any rights to dump our baggages on each other’

‘It depends on context Off. And in this context, Gun can help you’

‘Hey, Off’, Mild’s voice and her soft knocking interrupted his conversation with his mother in law and he quickly hung up the phone, turning his chair to look at the door where she was standing. She had a worried look on her face.

‘I heard from reception. Apparently Gun is here to see you’, she warned him before the receptionist can allow Gun to enter, ‘I think he’s still pissed’

‘Okay’, Off nodded, sighing as he cleaned his desk a little, ‘Thanks for the warning’

‘Don’t say anything stupid, okay?’, she whispered to him before she turned around, probably spotting Gun as she closed the door and walked away.

He didn’t know why Off was cleaning his desk, but he was nervous and he needed his hands to do something. Maybe Gun’s been avoiding his calls because he wanted to talk face to face. Maybe that was better.

_You should just tell me._

He turned to look at shelf on the side of his office and saw Gun leaning on it all of a sudden, with his arms crossed and his eyes staring back at him.

‘You know I wouldn’t judge you and it’s not like Neen’s gonna know if you tell me. So, what’s actually stopping you?’

‘I’m not the saint that I think I am’, Off confessed, even though he knew he was talking to himself and the Gun standing in front of him was a figment of his imagination, ‘I’ve already started to pull you away from your family, how much more now that I’m desperate? I might even try to pit you against your dad. Lord knows I’ve been thinking about it already’

‘So you truly think you’re like your mum?’

‘Yeah’

‘Well, that’s a shame’

The Gun in his mind disappeared as soon as he heard the door knock.

‘Come in’, he called out, seeing Gun enter his office. This was the first time he’d seen him since the New Year and despite all his troubles, he couldn’t help but sigh in relief, ‘Gun, I-’

‘I need to talk to you’, he interrupted him before he could finish. He had his work case with him despite wearing his casual clothes.

_Tell him. Just tell him. Neen’s not gonna know. Tell him._

‘Gun-’

**‘I want a divorce’**

* * *

Off walked into his dad’s house for the first time since he left for London, slamming the door shut and making his presence known.

‘Off?’, his dad called out, walking out of the kitchen with his newspaper still in his hands, but his pace quickened as soon as he saw his son standing at the front of the door, ‘You’re back. How-’

‘I can’t even begin to look at you right now’, Off growled as soon as his dad started talking, ‘I know I should be mad at mum, but she’s right. You’re a fucking bastard’

‘Off, listen-’

‘You slept with my mum whilst you were still married to someone else?’, Off began, a list of questions just raising in his mind, knocking him down one by one at the idea that his own dad could do something like that, ‘I can’t even blame her for trying to make you stay. You made her fall in love with you and when you were done with her, she had to do the unimaginable just to make you stay. So, I can’t even be mad at her for manipulating you. You shouldn’t have been with two women in the first place’

‘I regret my decision. You should know that. I tried raising you and her both, but your mother… When she found out I was sending money, she…’

‘Of course, she would retaliate. How could she not? And just…’, Off bit his lip to stop himself from shouting. It was bringing back way too many memories, especially since he was in this house. He combed back his hair, feeling the small bump from the stitches he got when he was little, ‘This wouldn’t have happened if you didn’t treat women like pieces of objects you can get rid off when you’re bored’

‘I’m making it up. I promise. I’m trying to be a good father to you’

‘Well, jokes on you because you’ve got two kids’, Off snapped back, he stomped his way to the dining room table, slapping the papers down on the table with fury, ‘And one of them is getting a divorce’

‘What?’

‘Gun just moved out’, Off explained, ‘I’ve just lost the one good thing I have because of you’

‘Off, come on, let me explain it to him. I’ll sort it out’

‘No. I’m done’, Off stopped his father before he can explain anything, ‘You had all those years to make it up, but you didn’t. Now it’s too late. Consider yourself lucky that you no longer have a wife or son to stop you from doing what you want. Have a nice life dad’

* * *

**One Month Before the Meeting.**

Off sat on the rocks by the beach, drinking a bottle of beer as he stared out into the clear ocean. The sky was painted in hues of light blues, followed by the white clouds which decorated it, the sun shining through and kissing his pale skin. He heard a few kids cheering as they swam in the ocean, letting their sweet voices fill in the empty silence.

He blew it. He knew he blew it the moment he closed the door on Gun. No matter how much you love someone, they can only hold on for so long until they decide that love isn’t enough.

‘Mrs Pho, do you think it would be a good idea for me to let Gun go?’, he asked the winds, letting it blow across his face, messing up his hair. He was met with silence and for a moment, he begged to hear Mrs Pho’s voice again, comforting him like the times he’d visit her shop and let her talk about anything just so he could get his mind off the things happening at home.

‘Mrs Pho, please…’, Off whispered, gripping on his beer bottle as he looked down on the sand, letting his toes sink in, ‘Why did you have to go when I still need you?’

_Child, you were always such a dreamer. But trust me, you don’t need to dream to find your happiness, not when it’s sitting right next to you already._

He lifted his eyes, looking around the beach when he heard Mrs Pho’s voice, but all he saw was nothing. He must’ve mistaken the wind as her voice.

‘Off!’, he turned around when he heard P’Pik call out to him, ‘I got a call from P’Pon! The owner said they’re willing to sell! And for a great price too!’

‘That’s great!’, he shouted back, faking a smile, but with the overwhelming sounds of the waves and his desperation to hear Mrs Pho’s voice, his smile looked fake, especially when it as accompanied with tears which struck down his cheeks so easily. His walls were starting to crack and his hands were too tied up to fix it.

‘Woah, are you okay?’, P’Pik asked when he walked to sit next to Off, watching him cry, ‘I haven’t seen you cry since you were a kid’

‘It’s nothing’, Off sniffled, coughing as he tried to straighten his voice, wiping his tears, ‘I just miss her’

‘I know you do’, P’Pik smiled, stroking his back, ‘And you don’t have to stop. It’s okay to keep on crying. It feels good afterwards’

‘Not really’, Off wiped his nose, drinking his beer, ‘I still feel like shit’

‘She wouldn’t want that. You were the son she ended up having’, P’Pik laughed, ‘And to think she once told me she would never wanna take care of a child without her husband by her side, then all of a sudden you showed up at the night market a crying mess’

‘She just pitied me, like everyone else’

‘Sure enough, we did feel sorry for you’, P’Pik confessed, ‘But don’t think Mrs Pho didn’t think the world of you. She even asked P’Pon to make her a brand new dress when you asked her to come to your graduation. She raised you like a mother would’

‘Yet she’s not here when I need her most’

‘And why do you need her most?’

‘Because Gun asked for a divorce and I don’t know what to do’

‘What?’, P’Pik yelled at him, ‘That boy of yours? The one who was head over heels for you? Asking for a divorce? What the hell did you do?’

‘What didn’t I do?’, Off corrected him and he felt a punch on his face coming from the older man, making him fall on the sand, his beer spilling, ‘What the hell?’

‘Stop being so aloof, it’s not your style’, P’Pik pointed an accused finger at him, ‘Mrs Pho will truly come back from the dead to hit you on the face if you let go of Gun’

‘What do you want me to do? He’s the one who asked for a divorce’

‘Then show him how much he’ll regret asking for it’

‘I think it’s a little too late for that’

‘As long as there’s still air in your lungs, nothing it too late. It’s only two late if one of you is dead, but until then, anything is possible’

* * *

‘Off?’, his dad opened the door when he knocked, his eyes widening at the sight of him.

‘Don’t get too excited. I’m just here to get some things’

‘What do you need?’

‘Arm told me that he stashed a few of Mrs Pho’s furniture up in the attic. I wanna see if it’s still usable’

‘Why? Do you need it?’

‘Maybe’, Off said as he ignored his dad’s other questions, heading towards the attic. He coughed as soon as he opened the door, breathing in the dust as he walked it with his hands swatting the numerous cobwebs. He should probably renovate Mrs Pho’s shop and get new furniture for Neen, but he felt nostalgic. He wanted to see if he could recreate interior he grew up in before he watched it turn into something else. Arm was a bastard for keeping his old stuff, but he was also his best friend who knew Off would be coming back to it sooner or later. He saw boxes of marked, old toys, rotting furniture and even boxes of files and letters. Most of them were probably from his dad’s old work, but he went through them.

He wondered if his dad ever wrote to his first wife or secretly tried to keep in touch with Neen. Maybe his sister might forgive him if she knew he tried. But all the letters were stamped with his work company logo. There was no sentiment or emotion, just clear business. He resented his dad for it.

**_Off._ **

Just as he was about to abandon the idea of finding a secret letter stashed somewhere, he saw his name written in perfectly neat writing. The envelope had been stained brown and filtered with dust, even the ink marks were slightly faded.

But the letter was addressed to him. And if he knew anything, he would know who’s handwriting this was. The seal was still closed, no one has opened it yet and he had to rip the envelope up to get the letter inside.

_To: Off_

_Hello. I supposed it would be more respectful if I wrote your full name, but I can’t seem to remember it. I’m sorry._

_I’m Gun by the way. Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat. I don’t know if you remember me, but we used to go to school together. I’m sure you remember the boy who got you kicked out of debate club, or maybe the time when I accused you of cheating. I guess those are bad memories, but they’re the only ones I could think of that might make you remember me._

_Or maybe the time when we spent the night in my house and you took my virginity. I guess I remembered that clear as day, but I don’t know if you do. ~~You were good. I mean, good enough for an eighteen-year-old.~~_

_Anyway, I’m visiting my mum over for New Years and I walked past your old house. I assumed your dad still lived there so I’m writing to you, just in case you visit home. How have you been? How’s college? I’m finishing my masters and it’s been stressful. Are you graduating this year too? Or are you already working? God, I can’t imagine you getting a full-time job, you seem too lively for one. But I guess you’d also wouldn’t believe that I took up law instead of medicine like I always thought I would. I’d like to think you’d do law as well. You probably won’t, but like in films, it would be cool to meet you again, working in the same law firm, or maybe in opposing ones, then we’ll be against each other like before._

_Either way, it’ll be nice to see you again, if that’s possible._

_I hope you get this._

_All the best,_

_Your worst enemy._

Gun has always been looking for him. Even when he hid himself from the rest of the world, the short boy who sat in front of class was the only one who turned his head back to search for him.

And what was he doing?

‘What am I doing?’, Off asked himself as he folded the paper, sliding it in his pockets and leaving the attic behind.

‘Dad! Dad!’

‘What? What is it? Did you find what you were looking for?’

‘Almost’, Off said, grabbing hold of his wrist, ‘Do you know where Gun’s mum is? I need to talk to her’

‘Why?’

‘I need to know where Gun is’

* * *

**One Months Before the Meeting**

The sun was slowly setting and Gun found himself in an open club by the beach, the loud music which stopped him from thinking, blaring through the speakers as he drunk his umpteenth shot of vodka. The chilled wind was making his skin crawl, but the sweat of the crowd along with him dancing didn’t stop him from having the time of his life.

He felt Jay’s arms wrap itself around him and he knew it was Jay, because Off wouldn’t be caught dead in the middle of a club with a cocktail in his hand.

‘See, I told you this would be fun’, Jay shouted, dancing with Gun, letting their bodies grind on each other as Gun kept singing the lyrics to the song, lifting his arm up in the air.

_Off didn’t cheat on you. Don’t be stupid and think again._

_Come Gun, you’re a lawyer. Think._

Despite Gun’s drunken state, he couldn’t help but keep thinking, the voices in his head forcing him to try and piece the puzzle again, but this time to stop forcing the pieces together if they simply didn’t fit. He’s made that mistake before.

But then again, he was still too drunk to think straight and he let Jay turn him until they were facing together. His palms where pressed against his chest and when he looked up, he saw Jay as clear as day, his brown eyes staring deeply at him. They had stopped moving, pressed against each other with Jay’s hands on his back.

He watched as Jay leaned down, slowly pressing their lips together, but before it could touch, Gun gagged, heaving as the alcohol took its toll on him, forcing him to push Jay away.

‘I need to go’, he managed to say before he ran out into the beach, leaving behind the sweaty bodies. In an odd turn of events, he ended up falling onto the sand, letting it sink between his fingers as he begged for the chilled winds to stop being from throwing up. He needed Off with him now, he was the only person who knew how to take care of him.

‘Jesus, someone clearly doesn’t know how to hold their drink’, he heard a side comment coming from beside him, and when he had the energy to sit up, kneeling on the sand, he found a woman sitting on the rocks close to the sea with a cigarette in her hand.

‘Neen?’, he squinted his eyes. He couldn’t tell if it was her at first, since the sun was nearly gone, saying its last goodbye with fragments of oranges in the sky, but it was already getting dark.

‘I still don’t know how you know my name’, she raised a questioning look towards him, recognising the man who came into the bar unannounced, asking about nonsense.

‘How could I not?’, Gun whined, trying to talk but the alcohol was making him slur, ‘You’re wearing my ring’, he pointed at the engagement ring that’s been haunting him all day.

Neen couldn’t help but laugh as she stared back at him, ‘This isn’t yours. This belonged to my mother’

‘I thought your boyfriend got it for you?’

‘You’d say anything if you’re a girl working in a bar’, Neen pointed out, blowing out the smoke from her cigarette, making Gun cough and gag at the smell.

‘God, you smoke just like my husband’, Gun gagged again, fanning the smoke away with his hands, ‘You talk in riddles just like him too’

‘Well, your husband must be waiting for you to go back to the club. He looked like a scene stealer’, Neen chuckled, ‘He’s probably got girls and boys climbing all over him right now’

‘Who? Jay?’, Gun laughed, pointing back at the club, ‘He’s not my husband’

‘Ah, so you casually have another man in your company whilst your husband stays at home?’, Neen raised a judgemental brow, ‘Men are all the same I guess’

‘Yeah, I guess we are’, Gun tried to keep his eyes open, but he was getting tired and all he wanted to do was sleep, ‘But Off Jumpol is the worst’

‘Off… Jumpol?’, Neen stopped smoking, turning her head to look at the man again, ‘You know him too?’

‘He’s my husband’, Gun rolled his eyes, which only made his growing headache worse, ‘And he gave me that ring once’, he pointed back at the ring that Neen had, ‘And then I come here to find out he gave it to someone else instead… I mean, how am I supposed to feel? Am I stupid for thinking that he’s having an affair with someone?’

‘You’re his husband?’, Neen asked, biting her lip when she remembered what she told him at the bar this morning, ‘Well shit, my bad’

Gun looked to out of it to understand what she was saying, but she had just finished a phone call from Off and he was more than willing to help her pick her life back together and despite her utter hatred for him and his mother, she didn’t think she had it in her to ruin his life on the expense of revenge. She was never raised like that.

‘It’s nice to meet you’, she reached her hand out to shake Gun’s, but it looked like the latter was already half asleep, his eyes barely opened as he reached out and held onto her hand.

‘What did you say?’, he murmured. He could see her lips move, but all of a sudden, he couldn’t hear anything. The ringing in his ears were too loud and the alcohol was a bitch and before Neen could reply, he passed out on the sand, cheeks pressed against it as Neen looked down on him.

* * *

Gun woke up with a banging headache and a dry throat. He tasted acid and he must’ve thrown up on his way home. But luckily he found himself in his hotel room, covered in a blanket with his face turned to the side. He looked down when he smelt something strong, seeing a bucket of his own vomit on the side and he couldn’t help but gag.

‘I’m never drinking again’, he whined as he slowly lifted his head up, turning to see Jay sat on the floor, still in his clothes on as he held onto the bucket. He must’ve stayed up all night taking care of him. He felt guilty, especially with the way Jay awkwardly slept on the floor by the bed and he wondered how he managed to carry him all the way back to their hotel room.

But before he could wake up to thank the man, he heard his phone ringing, blaring out an obnoxious ringtone that sounded annoying now that he had a hangover.

‘Jesus’, he whined, lifting up his blanket and searching around for him phone, ‘This better be important’, he gurgled as he spat out the last traces of vomit from his mouth into the bucket whilst pressing the call button.

‘What’s up Pluem?’

‘Miss Tatchakorn wants you to take this new project’, Pluem voiced out excitedly, ‘She said you’d be the perfect lawyer’

‘What for? I just finished my previous one’, Gun whined, massaging the back of his head which started to feel heavy.

‘It’s about a restaurant. I didn’t know your husband wanted to expand to business’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’, Gun asked, opening his eyes and trying to get used to the bright morning light without feeling sick.

‘P’Off filed for ownership of property and it said it’s being turned into a restaurant, so we need you to assess the building if its compatible’

‘A fucking restaurant?’, Gun furrowed his brow in confusion, ‘He bought property to open a restaurant?’

‘Yeah’, Pluem said to him, ‘But the application said it has two owners’

‘Two? Who’s the second one?’

‘Someone by the name of Neen Suwanamas’

That name was brought back up again and it was starting to feel like a curse. He suddenly sobered up enough to sit up straight, walking off the bed and heading to where his laptop was, hidden inside his luggage.

‘Send me the application. I’ll review it now’

‘Okay. Isn’t this exciting? I always saw P’Off as a business man’, Pluem, who clearly had no idea what was going on, excitedly passed on the project to Gun’s email, hanging up the phone and leaving the latter with more questions than he slept on the previous night before.

* * *

Off arrived in Phuket. He nervously turned on his phone and dialled his sister’s number as he checked out of the plane, dragging his small backpack as he waited for her to answer.

‘Hello’

‘Hey, Neen. Has someone visited you recently? Short guy, probably your height?’

‘Super cute and has his hair down?’

‘Yeah’

‘Yep’, she replied, ‘He’s your husband, right?’

‘Shit, he already found you?’, Off closed his eyes and bit his lip nervously, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t tell him about you and he started to get suspicious’

‘I could tell. He asked me where I got the ring when he went to my bar and I told him my boyfriend gave it to me’

‘You what?!’, Off shouted, waving his hand for a taxi, his head spinning whilst Neen explained to him that she didn’t mean to say it.

‘A lot of people have been wanting to buy it off me and it’s a bar. If a man hits on me, I automatically say I have a boyfriend. It’s instinct at this point’

‘Jesus Christ, Neen, he probably thinks I’m having an affair’

‘Oh yeah. He definitely is’, she pointed out whilst chuckling, not at all helping her brother as he scurried around Phuket.

‘Do you know where he is? I need to talk to him’

‘Some guy came over and helped him get to his hotel room before I can bring him over to my apartment. I told him he should probably stay with me, but he urged me to let him go, so I did. I mean, he came with the guy, so I didn’t think he’d do anything weird’

‘Please don’t tell me that guy is tall’

‘With so many piercings too’, Neen added on and Off couldn’t help but punch his back as he sat on the back of the taxi.

‘Where to sir?’, he heard the taxi driver ask him.

‘Neen, do you know which hotel they went?’

‘Yeah. Blue Monkey Hub’, Neen informed him and Off just prayed that it wasn’t too late to get to Gun.

* * *

He saw Neen standing by the front entrance, waiting for him already.

‘Hey, why’re you here?’, he asked as he rushed out of the taxi after paying the driver, running to the front entrance.

‘I thought it’d be best for me to be here and explain things’, Neen said, ‘I mean, he’ll believe it if we’re both here, and I kinda felt guilty leaving him with some other guy last night’

‘It’s fine, I’ll sort it out myself’, Off said to her, walking past as he went inside the hotel.

‘No’, he heard her voice following him behind, ‘You need my help, so I’ll help. It’s the least I could do after fucking up’

‘I said it’s fine’, Off turned back to stop her from following, his hand gripping on her shoulder, ‘I said I’ll do it’

‘And I said I wanna help’, she glared back at him, pushing his hand away from her, ‘I’m not gonna ride your tail for free. You helped me with Bangkok so I’ll help you with your shitty marriage’

‘My marriage isn’t shitty’

‘It is if someone else is taking care of your husband’, Neen rolled her eyes, ‘Look, I love my mum, but she was so quiet and just let everybody trample all over her. I don’t wanna see you make the same mistake’

‘I’m not like your mum. I don’t even know her’, Off reminded her, ‘So, I’ll handle it my own way and why don’t we just leave my personal business alone? Got it?’

‘You need help. You’re just a coward who says he doesn’t’, Neen hissed at him, stepping forward until they were face to face, two siblings clashing for the first time and Off begged for a simpler time where he didn’t know all of the ugly family secrets, because honestly he’d rather be blind and ignorant.

‘Gun, wait!’, before the two siblings got into a heated argument, Off heard his husband’s name being called out and he swiftly turned his gaze to Gun who was hurriedly running out into the lobby with Jay chasing after him.

‘Gun’, he whispered, a sigh of relied when he found Gun walking by himself with dishevelled hair and his old shirt that he must’ve packed with him, but he couldn’t even take one step towards him before he saw Jay rush up to Gun, spinning him around and kissing him.

‘Ah shit’, Neen gasped when she turned to look at Off, his feet glued to the floor as he watched Jay’s hand hold onto Gun’s, his other arm resting by his waist, ‘Off, what’re you doing? Aren’t you gonna stop it?’, she brought him back to reality, pushing his shoulder and tugging him forward. They were on the other side of the lobby, barely seen by the pair as the reception area was too crowded, people passing by and blocking their view.

Off would’ve stomped over and punched Jay in the face. He would’ve ripped Jay’s hands away from his husband and took Gun back with him to the airport.

But he couldn’t find Gun’s ring. It was gone from his finger and what took its place was Jay’s hands intertwined around it.

All hope came crashing down when he couldn’t find Gun’s wedding ring.

_You’re going to ruin everything good that you have because you’re my son. It runs in the family._


	17. Sixteen.

**One Month Before the Meeting.**

‘Hey, so about the second owner, it doesn’t say in the applications the relationship’, Gun was on the phone with the previous owner of the property, looking up the address and finding out that it was a store in the night market. He had a inkling on who’s store it was and it only made his heart clench at the thought that Off had recently bought Mrs Pho’s shop for someone else.

Why was this Neen girl so important?

‘Ah, it should be in the next e-mail Pluem sent’, his supervisor told him and just like that, he heard another ding, notifying him of a second e-mail with a second file of applications. Gun immediately hung up the phone, reading through the email before opening the files.

_Co-owner relationship:_

**_Siblings._ **

‘You’re joking’, he gasped, zooming into the document and looking at their signatures on each side of their names.

_This belonged to my mother._

Sudden flashes of vague memories flooded in and he remembered meeting Neen at night whilst he was drunk. He still had a headache, but the document in front of him was slapping him awake and the millions of other reasons suddenly opened up in one go, flooding the previous assumptions he’d been holding on.

‘Oh, thank god’, Gun sighed, tugging his hair and resting his forehead on the desk, ‘Thank god, Off Jumpol’

After the wave of relief comforted him like a soft blanket in a cold night, he was punched with an ounce of guilt for even thinking the worst of his husband.

‘He loves me’, Gun repeated to himself. He needed to hear it aloud to get rid of all the dark demons in his mind, ‘He loves me’

_‘I do’_

He turned to see Off leaning on the balcony ledge, his hands on the rails as he fixed his eyes on him, ‘I told you I do. So, why did you doubt me?’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun sighed, standing up and feeling his stomach churn and he quickly rushed to the bathroom, turning on the tap and dipping his head down. He drank from the tap, letting the cold water wash his face, spitting out the acidic aftertaste still left in his mouth.

He needs to go back. He needs to see Off now.

He missed his husband. And when he finally finished washing up, he rushed back to his room, opening his suitcase and picking out a clean shirt, a printed snoopy shirt that belonged to Off, getting changed and packing the rest of his clothes, ready to check out early.

‘Gun… You’re awake’, Jay stirred awake when he felt footsteps moving around him. He rubbed his eyes, adjusting his vision to see Gun pacing around the room, ‘Where’re you going?’

‘I’m going home’, Gun informed him, stepping over his long legs, ‘I need to go see Off’

‘Why?’

‘To apologise. God, I can’t believe I thought the worse of him’, Gun kept mumbling to himself and when he turned to look at Jay who was still sitting on the floor, he also felt guilty for dragging him along to his trip. He should’ve gone alone, ‘Jay, I’m going back to Bangkok. You can come home with me or stay for a few days, but I need to see my husband now’

‘But why?’, Jay stood up, feeling his muscles ache but he rushed towards Gun, holding onto his hand, ‘Isn’t he a cheater?’

‘That’s the thing’, Gun smiled at him, his bright eyes sparkling when the sun hits and it looked like his old cheerful self was coming back, ‘He’s not’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because I do’, Gun furrowed his brow when Jay continued to ask him questions, ‘And that’s what’s important. So, I’m gonna go now’, before Jay could grab his hand, Gun rushed out of the room, slamming the door shut and running down the corridor where the lifts were, too eager to reunite with Off who he’s been longing for.

He looked down on his phone, contemplating on whether to call Off first – but he decided not to. He needed to talk to him face to face first. That’s what they both needed. So, he made his way to the reception, walking out of the lift and almost running to the desk.

‘Gun, wait!’, the action was too sudden, something he never expected when he was spun around and he felt something land on his lips. His eyes widened massively when he saw Jay, feeling him kiss his lips desperately and he stilled for a moment, too shocked to do anything first.

‘Jay, what the fuck are you doing? Are you crazy?!’, Gun pushed him immediately after he gained enough sense and energy, slapping him across the face.

‘I’m sorry’, Jay took a step back, the sudden impact of the slap shoving him back to reality as he placed his cool hands on his burning cheek, ‘I just didn’t want you to go yet’

‘I wasn’t here to have a good time’, Gun glared at him, his voice raised in anger, ‘I was here to learn the truth and now that I have, I think it’s time for me to return to my husband’

Gun turned and made his way to the desk, but when he heard Jay behind him, he turned to glare back at the man, following his gaze to where another man was standing, his eyes glued onto them.

He felt his heart drop to the floor.

‘Off…’

* * *

Alice sat in New’s sofa whilst Frank was sitting next to her, flicking through the channel as they decide on what to watch. Alice hasn’t frequently visited their place due to her pregnancy, but now that she’s in maternity leave and Arm is still working, she decided to spend some time with her less problematic friends.

‘How’s your work New?’, Alice shouted from across the living room to where New was. Despite suddenly having a teenager for a son, New was still working full time in his company and she admired how he was able to juggle both responsibility without jumping off the cliff, especially during the times where Frank used to act like a little brat.

‘It’s alright. I’m not holding my hopes up for a promotion any time soon though’

‘How comes?’

‘I took too much time off this past year’, New explained, ‘Because of that brat’, while still looking at the screen. He pointed to the living room where Frank was sitting, making Alice laugh.

‘Sorry’, Frank shouted back at him.

‘You’re not gonna cause anymore trouble, right?’, Alice smiled, reaching her hand out and stroking his hair.

‘P’Off will kill me if I do’

‘Urgh, I’m your dad, but you listen to him more?’, New complained, hearing his friend’s name again and feeling slightly jealous that Frank listens and does everything Off tells him whilst he had to drill it in Frank’s head to take his orders.

‘I think this kid has a crush on Off’, Alice joked, chuckling as she rubs her belly, feeling a small kick.

‘I do not’, Frank scrunched his face, trying to push Alice’s hands away, ‘He’s so old’

‘Here we go folks’, Alice turned back to New, ‘We’re now officially old’

‘Speak for yourself’, New chuckled, finishing off his work emails, ‘I’m the youngest out of all of us’

‘No, Gun is’, Alice pointed out, ‘And he still acts like the youngest too’

‘God, I don’t even wanna talk about them. That’s all we ever do nowadays’

‘Well, what else are we gonna talk about?’, Alice chuckled, ‘Everyone else’s lives seemed to be going fine’

‘Have you kept in touch with Oab recently?’, New pointed out now that they were on the topic, ‘He and Alrissa aren’t getting married’

‘Yeah, he told me they’re using their savings to travel the world instead’, Alice nodded. There was a reason Oab hadn’t been present in their recent meet-ups, and it was usually because he was out of the country most of the time, choosing to freelance whilst visiting numerous cities with his girlfriend.

‘Do you think maybe Off and Gun should’ve done that instead?’, New asked curiously, ‘It seemed to work for Oab’

‘Who knows’, Alice shrugged, ‘But when Oab comes back, he’s gonna flip once he finds out what’s going on between Off and Gun’

‘You think so?’

‘Hell yeah’, Alice said, ‘Remember Oab used to be head over heels for Gun’

‘Oh yeah’, New laughed as he closed the tabs on his laptop and logged off. Frank, on the other hand, decided to listen to them talk instead of focusing on the show, wondering who this Oab guy was and why he liked Gun, ‘You know, if Off hadn’t confessed at the reunion, I always thought Oab and Gun would’ve been a thing. But now I can’t picture Gun without Off’

‘Me too’, Alice smiled, but there was sadness hidden in it whenever Off crashed at their place, knowing that it might end soon.

‘Who’s P’Oab?’, Frank asked curiously, ‘And why did he like P’Gun?’

‘Gun used to be really cute in high school’, Alice mentioned, turning back her attention to the boy, ‘But he was closed off. He spent most of the time in the library or with us, so he didn’t even know that a lot of our classmates had a thing for him’

‘Whereas Off knew that everyone had a thing for him’, New added in, closing his laptop and joining the two in the living room, ‘Anyway, you’re gonna like P’Oab when you finally meet him. He’s really funny’

‘Probably not as funny as P’Off’, Frank pointed out and both Alice and New looked at each other suspiciously.

‘Are you sure your son doesn’t have a crush on Off?’, Alice snorted, whispering to New who softly hit her arm, rolling his eyes but still looking suspiciously at Frank.

‘I fucking hope not’, New whispered back to Alice, and just when New thought he could finally relax with his family, his husband came storming into the house, door slamming and bag left on the floor of their corridor as he ran into the living room.

‘Guys! You’re not gonna believe this!’, Tay shouted, his shrieks could be heard from across the street, making all three of them whine as they turned to him.

‘What is it?’, New asked with a sigh.

‘Gun kissed Jaylerr’

‘Again?!’, they all shouted, Frank and New stood up in shock whilst Alice could only gain the strength to sit up on the sofa, tugging at New’s shirt.

‘And Off saw’

‘Off was there?!’, they shouted again, their eyeballs practically bulging out as their jaws drop to the floor.

‘Where are they?’

‘In Phuket’

‘Why’re they in Phuket?’, New asked, missing the nervous look Frank had as they waited for Tay to reply.

‘Gun went to look for Off’s sister’

‘Off has a sister?’, Alice shouted, ‘You knew about this?!’

‘Of course, not! I only found out like five minutes ago!’, Tay shouted back, he didn’t know why he was passing on the information when he himself couldn’t wrap his head around it as he received a phone call from Off, but the person on the other side of the phone was a complete stranger who introduced herself as Off’s sister.

‘So that’s why he went to Phuket’, Frank nodded with a breath of realisation.

‘Anyway, Jay came with Gun to meet with her but apparently there was a huge big misunderstanding and Gun thought Off’s sister was actually his girlfriend he’s been hiding and then he got drunk but then apparently now he knows but then Jay kissed him whilst Off was looking for him and-’

‘Enough!’, New shouted for his husband to stop as he stomped over to the kitchen, ‘I need to get a drink before you carry on’

‘Shit, I cant drink’, Alice whined, whilst the married couple raided their fridge with beer and vodka, ‘Pass me some orange juice please!’, she shouted at them, feeling slightly left out.

‘Is P’Off gonna be okay?’, Frank whispered to Alice, slightly worried for the man. She turned to look at the boy, stroking his hair.

‘I’m sure he’ll be fine’

* * *

Lie. Lie. Lie.

‘Off, I’m pretty sure there’s a perfectly good explanation for this’, Neen broke the silence as they sat inside the bar after he stormed off once he made eye contact with Gun. Neen managed to drag him to her workplace, asking her co-worker to pass them some drinks whilst she waited for Off to finally speak. But the man was silent, looking at his own hands as he twisted his ring around.

‘What goes around comes around’, Off sighed, leaning back on his chair, his fingers still touching his wedding ring, ‘My mother ruined somebody else’s marriage and in return, my marriage is ruined. I guess this is karma’

‘Karma only works for those who did the deed’, Neen corrected him, ‘You didn’t do anything’

‘Like you said though. I don’t deserve happiness’, Off reminded her of the argument they had right before he left Phuket and Neen sighed and leaned back on her chair the same way Off did. It was odd that they had been separated all their lives and one didn’t even know the other’s existence, but they still had similar nuances. It was in the way they both sat, they way they both lit their cigarette or even the way they both sighed or cursed.

‘I didn’t mean it’, Neen replied, going back on her word which was fulled with bitterness and fury over a stranger who she always pictured was evil and a bastard. But over the past couple of months, Off was anything but. No matter how much she tried to ignore his text messages, she would end up reading it in the middle of the night when she finished her shift at the bar, her muscles tired, head hurting and feeling lonely in an empty apartment.

It was hard to hate someone like Off Jumpol.

‘It’s true though’, Off chuckled dryly, ‘I think I’m just paying for my parents fuck ups. They haven’t owned up to their mistakes and when they did, it was already too late. I guess the responsibility passed onto me’

‘If that’s true, then my mother passed down her loneliness to me’, Neen pointed out, crossing her arms and staring at Off, ‘She’s always being left behind and forgotten. And when she died, it felt like I took her place. Always being left alone’

‘Is your mother still stuck in that urn in your living room?’

‘Yeah’

‘Why don’t you let her go? Set her free out in the ocean or something?’, Off recommended.

‘Because I don’t want her to go yet’, Neen confessed and Off was enthralled at how similar he was with his sister. That was the exact thought he had when P’Pik told him they were going to spread Mrs Pho’s ashes at sea. It made his chest tighten at the thought that Mrs Pho was no longer going to be with them, not even her bones.

‘It’ll make you feel lighter. Trust me’, Off pointed out.

‘How do you know?’

‘I did it with my mum’

‘I thought your mum was still alive?’

‘No, I’m talking about my other mum. The one who ended up raising me’, Off said, a sad smile forming on his face, ‘She was nice. You would’ve loved her’

‘You have so many people around you’, Neen raised a brow, ‘You must be lucky’

‘Out of the two of us, I guess I’m the lucky one’, Off nodded, but he didn’t particularly agree with her either, ‘But there’s being alone, then there’s being lonely in a crowded room. I think the latter is more painful’

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have judged you at first’

‘No worries. I would’ve too. I wouldn’t even give a second of my time to someone who ruined my family’

‘Gun, he’s… Really something though’, Neen stirred the subject back to the one that brought them back to the bar, with Off sipping his cocktail, not in the mood to get drunk, ‘How did you two meet?’

‘High school’

‘High school sweethearts, huh?’

‘More like high school rivals’, Off snorted, ‘We were fighting for the same scholarship and shit went down during Senior Year’

‘So you hated each other?’, Need asked, slightly confused when Off nodded his head, ‘Then when did you start liking each other?’

‘In between the hate I guess’, Off tried to explain it, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t that their story was too complicated, but it was in fact their feelings. It changed so abruptly and it kept changing from hate to love until it stopped. Until he disappeared and they forgot about each other.

But Gun never did. He still had the letter that was long forgotten inside his pockets, scrunched up and stained, but even if Gun didn’t remember his full name, or if he even forgot writing the letter all together, the memories were still there.

‘Why did you get married?’, Neen asked, bringing him back to reality, ‘When my mum explained everything to me, I vowed myself never to do anything stupid like to give myself solely to someone else. Why would you? Knowing that it probably wouldn’t work?’

‘Because I love him’, Off replied, ‘Should there be more reasons than that?’

‘Huh’, Neen couldn’t believe Off was the product of the bitch her mother had told her. The apple fell too far from the tree, in fact, it rolled down the hill and turned into a fucking pear with how different Off was to how she had always pictured him, ‘Gun was crying by the way’, she decided to tell him, ‘Last night he was crying at the thought of you cheating. So, he’s probably still in love with you’

‘I doubt that’

‘That slap on the face says other wise’, Neen chuckled a little, ‘I mean, you must’ve seen it, right? Your husband’s short but damn did those hands slap a bitch so hard’, she tried to lighten the mood, kicking his feet again, but Off didn’t budge. His expression was blank and he couldn’t stop thinking about the missing ring.

‘He wasn’t wearing his wedding ring’, Off sighed, sipping his drink and tugging his hair, ‘God knows what they did the night before for him to lose his ring’

‘Maybe you saw wrong. It’s a small jewellery. I’m sure he was wearing it’

‘No, he wasn’t. And I can’t stop thinking about it’

‘Did you really think they slept together? Do you think Gun’s that type of person?’

‘Gun? No. But Jaylerr…’, he shook his head and dug into his backpack for his cigarette, cursing to himself when he couldn’t find his lighter.

‘Here you go’, Neen slid her one across the table, watching as Off lit the cigarette in his hand, inhaling the bitter nicotine.

‘Jaylerr’s a son of a bitch, but he’s a son of a bitch that actually cares enough to be next to Gun. And that’s more than I’ve been doing these past couple of months’, Off said, the two siblings finding solace in each other as they drowned in stories of their fucked up childhood. Neen was also a top student in high school, but she wasn’t smart enough to score a scholarship to the school she wanted, so her mother worked three jobs to give her enough money for her tuition. Her friends moved to the major cities to attend college, leaving her behind to fend for herself, especially after she dropped out of college once her mother got sick.

She played guitar, just like how he played bass. She preferred the arts than sciences and she’s fluent in English because she grew up only watching foreign shows. Much like Off. If they switched places, maybe she would’ve had a better shot at life.

* * *

**Four Weeks Before the Meeting**

Gun came home to an empty house. He couldn’t even look at Jay as he rushed out of the hotel trying to look for Off. But his husband was long gone and he felt like an idiot of all the times he ran from Off without letting him explain, because now here he was, running around like a fool, desperate to explain to Off his side of the story.

He looked down on his hands after throwing his phone on the sofa, being left to voicemail for the umpteenth time. There were still tan lines from where his ring was supposed to be and felt frustrated at himself that he had allowed Jay to take something so precious to him.

_‘Jay, where’s my wedding ring?’_

_‘What do you mean?’_

_‘My wedding ring. Where did you put it?’_

_‘I gave it back to you. You must’ve left it at the hotel’_

_‘Are you insane? You didn’t give it back to me. I would’ve known if you gave it back’_

_‘You were pretty drunk when you were asking for it back’_

_‘Jay, I swear, stop lying to me. Where did you put it?’_

_‘I don’t know where it is. I thought you put it back on as soon as we got back to the hotel’_

Gun called the Blu Monkey Hub, asking the hotel manager if they found a wedding ring whilst clearing the room. They said they would call him back if they do, but it’s been a week since his return. One week and he was already losing his mind desperate to explain everything to Off. He forced Off to wait for him for six months.

He searched around his room, looking through his closet to find most of Off’s clothes still hung in their place whereas his were scattered around everywhere, some still at Jingjing’s place whilst the others at Tay and New’s.

Out of curiosity, he opened the drawers which held all of his jewelleries, from his watches and necklace down to the two small velvet boxes placed at the centre. He opened the one on the right which still held his engagement ring that Off slipped in his finger without his notice, making him race back to their old apartment with his heart racing. The other box was empty, as expected, a missing slot where his promise ring should be.

Off must’ve taken it before he left for Phuket. And Gun finally understood why. It wasn’t his to give away in the first place, the ring needed to be with its rightful owner after being stolen away for so long. But that doesn’t mean his promise didn’t hold. A ring doesn’t equate to the words Off whispered to him the night Tay and New’s wedding whilst they sneaked in their old school’s rooftop. It didn’t matter and she should’ve known that.

He looked down on his watch, checking the time. If Off had gone back to work, he probably would’ve finished by now. So, he quickly left their bedroom, walking down the stairs as he opened the front door. He sat patiently by the steps of the porch, hugging his knees as he looked out at the front of the gate, patiently waiting for it to open and for Off’s car to drive inside.

17.30

He kept looking at his watch, checking the time as he counted at clouds above him, waiting for Off’s care to pull over. But it never did.

21.41

Gun continued to sit on the steps of the front porch, the sun already set yet his head was leaning on his knees, still waiting for his husband to come home. His eyes were already drooping, threatening to close with tire, but he pushed through and kept waiting until the moon was right above him and the sun long gone.

* * *

‘You’re not going home?’

‘No’

‘So, you’re not going to let Gun talk?’, Mild asked, rushing to his office without even a moment’s notice, slamming the door behind her, ‘I heard from New that it was Jaylerr who kissed him’

‘I just need some time to think’, Off told her, spinning his chair so that he’s not facing her. He ended up looking out of his window, watching people walk pass their building. They’re all so tiny, like ants whilst he looked from above, even the cars don’t look real.

‘I really think you need to be in the same room as Gun. Enough is enough. Just say what’s on your mind and stop hiding it to yourself’

‘Easy for you to say’, Off whispered, which only forced Mild’s anger at him as she stomped over to his desk, banging her hand on the wood as she ordered Off to turn around.

‘Jaylerr kissed Gun. Be mad at Jaylerr, don’t be mad at your husband’

‘What would you do if Jane kissed someone?’, Off directed the situation back at her, ‘What do you do if she kept on hanging out with that person? Despite her apology, would you trust her again?’, his questions seemed to shut Mild up as she stood up straight with a blank expression on her face, just staring at Off.

‘Do you not trust Gun anymore?’

‘I don’t know’, Off shook his head, ‘I don’t know what to think and that’s why I need some time. I genuinely need some space’

‘Can’t you give Gun the benefit of the doubt?’, Mild asked him, in fact, it looked like she’s begging for it, ‘I spoke to him the other day at Tay’s home. I don’t think he’s doing well and… He needs you right now and I think you need him’

‘I need to get to work, Mild’, Off ignored her request, coughing a little and biting the inside of his cheeks, ‘And you need to prepare for the company concert. You’re not just handling Jaylerr’, and with that, Mild had not choice but to follow his orders, leaving his office and getting back to work.

He didn’t even wanna go to work anymore. He used to love his job, but now whenever he walked in, he felt stares on him, vultures watching his every move as he passed by their offices, whispers of his name being passed on like a game, spreading rumours about his marriage which was slowly starting to fall apart. Added onto the fact that Jaylerr was here right now as he worked. It made things worse.

Off opened his computer screen, about to start working when he heard his phone ringing. He rolled his eyes and was about to ignore it when he looked down at the name.

_Allison._

He didn’t recognise it at first, but he remembered the first night he arrived in London last Christmas. He remembered the girl he sat next to in the pub and how he politely agreed to exchange numbers without the promise of ever keeping in touch.

‘Hello?’, he ended up picking up the phone out of curiosity, wondering why she might want to reach out to him now.

‘Hi, is this still Jumpol?’, an American voice replied to him.

‘Yes, it is’, he replied, ‘Allison, right?’

‘Oh, thank God you remembered me’, she chuckled, ‘I was hoping you will’

‘How comes?’

‘I kinda fucked over someone’, she whispered, although there was no remorse in her tone, in fact, there was even a bit of amusement, ‘You work on celebrity PR, right?’

‘Who did you fuck over?’

‘Atlantic Records are in need of a new PR team and I first thought of you’, she mentioned, ‘I mean, you spoke so well and had this demeanour… You were the first person I thought of. Anyway, one of their upcoming artist got into a bit of a pickle after I exposed them of taking drugs and it’s affected more artists than I’ve bargained for and I feel slightly guilty. Could you help me out?’

‘Why did you expose them then?’

‘Because he was my ex who cheated on me right before our wedding’

‘Oh shit. He was your so-called fiancé?’, Off asked, gasping a little at the sudden news, ‘Well, remind me never to mess with you’, they shared a laugh between each other, Off feeling relieved that it wasn’t just his life being fucked up.

‘Anyway, can you help?’

‘I don’t feel like going to America’

‘Oh, lucky for you my ex moved to England after he signed a contract. They need a PR to fix their mess in London’

‘You do know I don’t live in London, right?’

‘Right. You live in…’

‘Thailand’, he finished her when he realised she had no idea, laughing at the forgotten conversation they had in the pub. He expected her not to remember everything, so he wasn’t offended.

‘Ah… Well, that’s such a shame. This job is a pretty good one, under a major label. They pay is enormous. Are you sure you’re not willing to move?’

‘From one continent to another?’, Off leaned back on his chair, ‘I’m going to need more than twenty hour hours to decide on that’

‘I’ll refer you to the CEO. I’ve got his contact details and trust me, he seems desperate so he’ll take anyone in’

‘I’ll think about it Allison’, Off stopped her from trying to persuade him, hanging up the phone and throwing his phone on his desk where it slid next to the frame prompt up beside his computer. It was Gun, _his_ Gun. He didn’t want to take a leap and move to a different country, but just staying in his office was a suffocation he didn’t think he could muster anymore.

‘London’, he whispered to himself, thinking about the city which turned into a form of escape for him. It was a city he hated yet sought back to. _London._ Was it a home he didn’t want to call a home? It was rather odd to get a phone call from Allison after months of meeting her. Maybe it was a sign? Maybe this is the chance for him to clear his head properly this time, without the pressure of his family or even his husband gnawing at the back of his head.

* * *

Gun stayed in his office during lunch hours, going over Off’s applications over his recent purchase of Mrs Pho’s shop. His request to expand the shop to two stories need to be covered by health and safety inspectors before he could fix up a final contract of ownership, but other than that everything seems to be fine.

He quickly texted Mild, asking her where Off would be during the day. He supposed maybe he’d find out when he’s free and talk to him once and for all.

He looked down at the second applicant, reading her name beside Off’s. He squinted his eyes, reading through her contact details and a sudden itch in his hands began. He suddenly couldn’t help himself as he took out his phone, dialling Neen’s number and hoping she would pick up unlike her stupid brother.

‘Hello? Who’s this?’

‘Neen? It’s Gun… It’s Off’s-’

‘Husband’, she finished his sentence, ‘I’ve met you before’

‘Yeah… I’m sorry I didn’t make a good first impression. I didn’t know you were family’, Gun admitted, leaning on his desk as he massaged his forehead nervously, trying to hold his questions in, ‘I guess I should properly introduce myself’

‘Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat-Adulkittiporn. My brother’s husband of approximately three years already, right?’

‘Uh…’

‘And if Off is not spitting out nonsense when he’s drunk, you asked him for a divorce. Am I right?’

‘I’m also your lawyer’, he added on, ignoring the last part, ‘I’m gonna be handling your new restaurant’

‘Lawyer, huh?’, Neen replied back in shock, ‘I didn’t know you were a lawyer’

‘Property lawyer’, Gun explained, ‘I deal with property. Mainly corporate, but I also do private and in this case, your brother applied to turn the shop into a private property under his and your name’

‘My brother huh?’, he heard her chuckle on the other side of the phone, her breath hitched up a little, ‘God, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that’

‘Did you know?’, Gun asked her, which was unprofessional, but he was already breaking the rules by contacting her number without setting up a meeting first, ‘Did you know you had a brother’

‘Yeah, I did’, she replied, ‘I heard stories about his mother. She was a beautiful woman with a dark heart, my grandmother used to say. They talked about her son too, how she purposely got pregnant to make my mother’s husband leave her. We used to call him the demon child’

‘Ouch’, Gun bit his lip, ‘That’s a bit harsh’

‘That was before I met him’, she sighed, ‘Now I think I’m the demon child’, she laughed, burying her prejudgment over the boy, ‘Although, I don’t think I’d be calling him older brother’

‘Why?’

‘He was only born one week after me. I’d say we’re twins’

‘Twins separated at birth’, Gun commented and with that he couldn’t help but laugh with Neen at such a stupid joke amidst such a stressful revelation, ‘Well, it’s nice to meet you, Neen Suwanamas’

‘Nice to meet you, brother in law’, she replied, and her words made him smile for the first time in weeks, ‘Should I keep calling you that?’

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, ‘Yeah, sister in law’

* * *

Mild kept a stern face as she edged closer on the chair, applying make-up on Jaylerr whilst they prepared for their dress rehearsal. The room can sense a great tension, especially since the usual bubbly Mild had been keeping quiet, edging the room to which they would steal glances between the two of them.

‘I’m guessing Off told you everything’, Jaylerr whispered to her when she started fixing his hair, the pair looking at each other over the mirror.

‘And you better pipe down before I accidentally choose a shade three times darker’, Mild whispered at him, ‘You don’t want your debut appearance to be ruined by me’

‘Gun can’t keep waiting on Off. He can’t. It’s not fair on him’

‘What they choose to do is none of their business. If Off wants to run away then so be it. If Gun wants to wait for him to come back then so fucking be it. That gives you no right to step in and replace someone who Gun doesn’t want to replace’

‘Are you married too Mild?’, Jaylerr asked all of a sudden, looking at her hands which combed his hair, seeing the wedding ring around her finger. Mild didn’t have to, but of course, the answer was as clear as day, ‘As a married woman, do you think Off is a good husband?’

Jaylerr felt her tug on his hair a little too tight, warning him to hold his tongue. Their voices were buried in whispers, passed on in between everyone else’s attention so they couldn’t hear their conversation.

‘Don’t answer as his friend’, Jaylerr whispered to her, ‘Answer as someone who knows what it’s like to be married’

Mild glared at the mirror, seeing the way Jaylerr patiently looked at him.

‘He’s trying. That’s all anyone could ask for’

‘So, can you blame me for thinking I can take care of Gun better than him?’, he asked again, ‘I know how Gun is, I might not have the same history than him, but Gun is easy to read if you know where to look. He just wants someone who’s open with him, someone who shows how much he cares. If Off’s struggling with that, then what more does he lack?’

‘You’re not perfect either’, Mild whispered, straightening his hair down, ‘You knew how vulnerable their marriage was at the time and chose to still manipulate Gun into thinking you cared for him. If you truly wanted to be with Gun, you would’ve waited until their relationship was over and Gun’s true feelings were clear’

‘I just wanted to be there for him. He was lonely. You knew that too’

‘You could argue with me all you want’, Mild tugged at his hair again, letting the straighteners stay in, ‘But I will never agree with your excuses, no matter how much of a hot mess Off is right now. He’s still a way better husband in his dark times than you’ll ever be in your best moment’

* * *

Tay finished work early, deciding to leave and let his father attend the rest of the business meetings. Luckily for Tay, his inheritance of his family company allow him to leave work whenever he wanted. He decided to go back home and prepare dinner before Frank returned from school, whistling at ease as he parked his car in their garage, throwing his brief case on the sofa and sliding down the kitchen tiles in his socks.

Despite his hour long conversations with his Arm about his best friend’s buffoonery, he himself was in a good mood and didn’t want to disrupt it with the topic of Off’s marriage. So, before he gets another phone call from the latter, he decided to turn up the music, blaring songs of his childhood as he started singing from the top of his lungs.

He wasn’t a good cook, but when he married New, he forced Arm to teach him some basic meals just in case New gets pissed at how useless he was. Years later, and he even makes his own recipes when he had the time, using the kitchen for himself as he whipped up a meal for his family.

Just as he was about to start cooking, he felt his phone buzz inside his pocket, making him whine as he looked down, expecting his best friend’s name on the caller I.D, but instead he turned down the speakers, seeing the adoption centre’s number instead.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello, Tay Tawan. I’m calling to talk to you about the adoption process’

‘Oh, yeah. Yeah, Yeah, how’s it going?’

‘Going very well. You’re chosen’

‘I beg your pardon?’

‘There’s an expecting mother who has chosen you and your husband to be the adopted parents of her child. As far as I’m aware, it’s confirmed to be a girl, which is what you both want’

‘We’ve been… Chosen?’, Tay gasped, leaning on the kitchen counter in shock, ‘But… I thought it would take a couple more months?’

‘Well, some things come as a surprise I guess’, the social worker said, ‘I think this is a blessing. You’ve been fighting for this for years’

‘Yeah. Yeah, of course’, Tay nodded, but he was slightly nervous at the timing. He remembered the conversation he had with New the night before and the decision they made before it, ‘Can we at least think about it until we confirm?’

‘You have forty-eight hours’, she told him, ‘But, I hope to hear from you soon’

‘Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’ll get back to you once I speak to my husband. Thank you so much’, Tay gave his gratitude before hanging up, biting down on his hand before dialling a number immediately.

‘Hello, Bright Foster Care Centre, how can I help?’

‘Hello, this is Tay Tawan, foster parent of Frank Thanatsaran Samthonglai. Are the adoption papers ready?’

‘No, we’ve just received your request a week ago. We’re still filing references and fixing the papers’

‘Do you think you’ll have it ready in twenty-four hours?’

‘In a day, sir? Why the rush?’

‘Well, I think we might end up having two kids in one day’, Tay confessed, looking down at his watch and checking the time., wondering if he should call his husband right after or when Frank arrived.

* * *

Off was asked by the CEO to drop by the stadium to watch the dress rehearsals. At first he denied, persuading his boss that the artists’ individual management is in charge of the actual event and he’ll be present during the press conference and go over the press release. But, his CEO was adamant in getting him to watch the rehearsals, probably to give his opinion since everyone seemed to care for it.

‘Hey, what’re you doing here?’, Mild asked as soon as he walked backstage, watching the team scramble through, setting up the lights and checking the sound system, ‘Did the boss ask for your opinion?’

‘Like he usually does’, Off sighed, ‘Although I don’t know why he’s asking me. It’s not like I’m one of the young kids anymore. I don’t know if this is what the kids like’

‘God’, Mild laughed, turning to playfully punch Off’s cheeks, ‘When did we get so old? Last I remembered, you were the coolest person I know and everyone followed everything you do’

‘We were seventeen and you all had no common sense’, Off replied back, but it only made Mild laugh even more, ‘I’m an old hag now’

‘Yet people still look for your opinion’, she reminded him, ‘You’re not as useless as you think you are’

‘Yeah, well I wish I was’, Off sighed, ‘Because I really don’t wanna be here’

‘Why don’t we go grab a beer after work then?’, Mild offered right before the stage director clapped his hands and ordered for the rehearsals to start.

‘First round’s on you’, Off whispered to her as she slipped backstage and he made his way to the front, walking down the stairs and sitting on one of the many spare seats at the front. The lights go down, the music starting and the concert beginning.

_‘Atlantic Records will be waiting for you’_

Allison’s voice kept whispering in his head, repeating their conversation again even though he was planning to reject the offer.

‘Off?’

‘Jesus Christ’, Off flinched the moment he felt someone touch his shoulder, jumping on his seat as he turned around to find a shadow behind him. Due to the darkness, he had to squint, but when the spotlight finally shun on stage, reflecting on Gun’s face who stood behind him, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘Mild told me you’d be here’

‘Shouldn’t you be at work?’

‘I got off early’

‘Early? You’re a lawyer’

‘Exactly’, Gun smiled at him, the lights from the stage only making his eyes shine brighter. Off turned around and nervously looked around for Jay, grabbing Gun’s wrist as he stood up, dragging him out into one of the corridors, away from the main stage.

‘Look, Off, I need to talk to you’

‘Jay’s still in rehearsals. He won’t finish for another two hours’

‘I’m not here to see him’, Gun’s smile faded immediately after he said that, ‘When I said I came to see you, I really mean it’

Off looked down on the hand he was holding, seeing his bare hand and letting it go like fire under his skin. Gun saw the way Off took a step back and when he noticed his missing ring, he stuttered a bit, not knowing how to explain it to Off.

‘I called the hotel. They said they’re going to look for my ring. I must’ve left it there’

‘Did you share the same hotel room as Jay?’, Off asked, ignoring Gun’s excuses.

‘Don’t go there’, Gun stopped, taking a step forward to which Off took a step back.

‘Did you share a room with him?’, he asked again, wanting his question to be answered.

‘Yes. I did’, Gun finally replied, ‘But that has no correlation with this’, he pointed at his finger, ‘I really did lose it in the hotel room’

‘Did you take it off?’, Off kept interrupted him, jumping over all of Gun’s excuses and getting straight to the point, but when he was met with silence, he was forced to ask the question again, ‘Were you the one who took it off?’

‘No’

‘Then who did’

Gun looked down at his feet, avoiding his eye contact as he awkwardly picked the threads on the ends of his sleeves.

‘Who took it off Gun?’, Off asked again, his voice pleading. He emphasised on each word, desperately wanting it to be answered instead of seeing Gun stayed silent and aloof with a nervous expression.

‘Jay’, he said his name, his cursed name that made Off’s skin crawl and muscles ache, ‘But we didn’t do anything. I was upset and he was just playing around so he took of my ring. We never did anything but go to the club and got drunk. I didn’t sleep with him’

‘Jesus, Gun’, Off closed his eyes for a second, not wanting to raise his voice but finding it very hard not to, ‘Why did you have to keep hanging out with him? Isn’t one kiss enough to break me? Did you have to kiss him again?’

‘I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me, you _saw_ it’, Gun defended himself, raising his voice as he tugging on Off’s sleeves, wanting his husband to look at him, ‘I didn’t want to kiss him’

‘You know what? It wasn’t just hell to see my own husband kiss someone else’, Off began, his chest suddenly beating so hard, it dared to open the box he’d kept locked, ‘It was torture thinking he might actually be good for you’

‘What? What’re you talking about?’

‘He was there with you instead of me’, Off bit his lip, ‘You sought comfort in him instead of me. And that kills me’

‘The only reason why I went to him was because my problem was with you’, Gun pointed at him, ‘You kept on running away from me. What was I supposed to do? Huh? Is all the blame truly on me? Huh?’

‘No, you’re right. It’s all my fault’, Off nodded, taking a step back and hiding behind the shadows of the curtains. He quickly turned his back on Gun, wiping the tears that dared trickled down his eyes the moment he relived that day in Phuket in his memories. Even though all of his secrets were out in the open, it still didn’t stop the beating in his chest, ‘I shouldn’t have pushed you away. I know that, and I regret it. But this is the way I am Gun. I’ve always been like this since we were kids. I don’t know what else I could be’

‘I don’t care how you act or if you mask yourself from everyone else. As long as I’m the exception’, Gun raised his voice, wanting to see Off, but his back was still turned to him, ‘Can’t you do that? Didn’t you promise me that at our wedding?’

‘I wanted to tear you away from you father. Do you really wanna be with someone that selfish?’, Off ignored his question, adding his own daring inquiry, ‘Would you still have me? Whilst I prayed to only have you for yourself?’

‘Yes, I would’, Gun replied, ‘Because I know you. And along the way you’d’ve realise what you’re doing. You’re doing it now, owning up to your mistakes. You’re going to let me have my family, and in return, you’re gonna be my most important one. You’re gonna be my husband. Like you promised. Like you vowed. Didn’t you?’

‘Gun, I have a beast of a mother, my father is a cheater and I have a sister who hates me. I don’t think I need a husband who hates me too’

‘I don’t hate you’

‘That’s not what you’ve been saying over the past couple of months’

‘Off… Can you please look at me whilst I’m talking? I said I was sorry. I shouldn’t have taken Jay to Phuket with me, I shouldn’t have entertained him, that’s on me. But we were separated already, we were living separately and I-’

‘Yes, we’re separated’, Off nodded, turning around, showing Gun his tear filled face for the first time, his eyes burning red and swollen. It froze Gun still, like a statue staring at his husband as if in disbelief to see actual tears streaking down his cheeks, ‘And I supposed we should make it official’

‘What?’

‘It’s been six months already’, off began, coughing to make his voice still and stern, ‘I think I’ve delayed it long enough’

‘Off, don’t’, Gun interrupted him, stepping forward and holding onto his hand, ‘Don’t you dare’

‘I’ll give you what you want’, Off whispered to him, too close to breaking to speak up, ‘I’ll sign the divorce papers’

‘I don’t want a divorce. I’m here to tell you now that I change my mind completely. So, let’s talk this through and-’

‘We don’t want it, but we need it Gun’, Off interrupted him before he could change his mind, because he truly wanted to. He wanted to forget these past six months and wake up in Gun’s arms in their house, but he couldn’t forget, not even if he banged his head against the wall till he bled, ‘I mean look at us. We’re not good for each other. I don’t even know how to be good for myself, let alone for you’

‘We can try. We’ll try together’

‘Gun, I’m not in the right state of mind to love you. Not the way you want me to… And definitely not in the way that Jay can. That’s why I can’t even look at you after Phuket. Not because I hate you, but because I love you well enough to know that you could do better than me. And that kills me every fucking time I think about it’

Gun didn’t say anything back to him. He just couldn’t stop staring at the way he cried and he couldn’t help but walk towards him until they were face to face. He looked up to Off’s tears eyes, hearing him sniffling when he reached his hand out to rest his palm on his cheek, sliding his thumb to wipe the tears from his face.

‘Why did it take you this long to cry?’, his voice was a whisper that only Off could hear. The latter wanted to lean on Gun’s soft touch, to let his hand comfort him, but he took a step back instead.

‘I think you’re right. It took me so long to realise it, but I think this divorce will do us good’, off said again, this time stern in his answer as he wiped the tears from his face, ‘I’ll call for my lawyers. We’ll get everything sorted by the end of the month, I promise’

‘Off, wait!’, Gun shouted at him, trying to pull his sleeves, but the former was much stronger than him, walking away back to the stage where the dress rehearsals was still happening, leaving Gun standing by himself in a dark corridor, listening to the muffled noises of loud music from the stage.

* * *

**Six Months Before the Meeting**

‘Gun, I don’t think that’s a good idea’, Jingjing shouted as she reached her way to her spare bedroom where Gun was, with bags of his clothes scattered around the floor, ‘You’re being impulsive. A divorce is a stupid idea. There are other ways to fix a relationship’

‘No, I’ve had enough. I waited for him for three days and when he came back… Nothing! No explanation, no reasons. It’s like he wants me not to trust him’, he shouted, pacing around the room whilst tugging his hair in anger, ‘I’ve been so patient, but this has been a snowball growing bigger and I was stupid enough to close my eyes and let it happen right in front of me!’

‘This could be sorted out. Just talk it out, I can refer you to my therapist, I’m sure they do couple counselling’

‘Off doesn’t even like opening up to me, let alone a fucking stranger’, Gun pointed back at his best friend who’s desperately trying to make him change his mind. But the fact that Off hadn’t contacted him despite not returning home for nearly a week was enough for him to know that his husband clearly didn’t care for him. And if he didn’t care, then what was the point of being married.

Gun reached out for his phone, too quick for Jingjing’s reflex to grab the phone first. He dialled the number that his colleague once spoke about during break when one of their seniors went through a divorce.

‘Hello?’, he greeted as soon as someone picked up the phone, ‘Hello, is this Mr Saetang? Are you available for a meeting? I’m planning to file a divorce’

‘Gun, you’re going to regret this!’, Jingjing shouted, trying to distract him over the phone whilst she picked up a shirt on the floor, throwing it at him, ‘You’re going to fucking regret this, you watch and see!’


	18. Seventeen.

**Three Weeks Before the Meeting**

Frank got back to school early. It’s been the third week that he hadn’t had detention, so he decided to just go back home and spend time in his room playing video games. Tay had gotten him a brand new game console after passing his maths exam which they all thought he was gonna flunk.

‘Frank?’, he heard his dad call out his name as soon as he closed the door.

‘Yeah’, he called back, taking off his shoes and heading to the kitchen.

‘You’re home early’, New turned and hid the envelop as soon as their son walked in.

‘So are you both’, Frank said as he found both his parents sitting by the kitchen island, ‘Did you finish work early?’

‘Yeah, kinda’, Tay replied, coughing as he stared at New, waiting for his husband to give him the go signal. New was nervous, but he reached his hand out and squeezed Tay’s, giving him the nod, ‘Frank, can you come and sit down here for a moment’

‘Why? I wanna go to my room’, Frank whined, grabbing a bottle of cold water as he turned and rolled his eyes, but when he saw how serious both his dads looked, he nervously walked over to them, ‘What is it?’

‘Uh, we want your thoughts on things’, Tay explained as he took out one of the envelop that was mailed to them this morning, sliding it towards Frank. They watched as the teenage boy looked down, opening the envelop and reading the letters inside.

‘Oh’, he whispered, looking down at the adoption papers for a new baby, ‘Right… You always said you wanted a baby girl’, he nodded, trying not to show too much emotions. He kept on remembering P’Off’s words, encouraging him not to explode every time he felt sad, so he kept it hidden for once, keeping a smile on his face, ‘Congratulations guys’

‘I mean, we can always say no. It depends if you want a younger sister’, New pointed out, ‘Or we’ll wait for a baby boy if you want a younger brother instead’

‘What?’, Frank furrowed his brow, confused at the question, ‘I thought I’ll just be sent back to foster care after this. That was the deal, right?’

‘Well, your father and I don’t keep to deals much often’, Tay chuckled, whipping out a second envelop that they kept hidden, ‘I mean, it’s your decision, but you have twenty-four hour to decide’, he added.

‘To decide on what?’

‘Read it’, New smiled at him as Frank grabbed the second envelop, reading the letter of adoption, this time with his name on it.

‘Are you kidding me?’, Frank asked, his mouth parting in shock as he read his name next to Tay and New’s over and over again.

‘Nope. We were going to adopt you anyway, but we didn’t know we’d get picked this soon, so now we have to rush everything just in case social services takes you back again’, Tay explained to him, resting a hand on the boy’s shoulder, ‘So, we’ll give you some time to decide and-’

‘Yes!’, Frank shouted before Tay could finish his sentence, ‘Yeah, duh, of course I wanna get adopted’, he screamed as if to shout at Tay for even thinking he’d want to think about it.

‘Alright then’, Tay grinned at him, stroking his hair, ‘We’ll sign the papers under one condition’

‘What?’

‘You stop choosing vanilla ice cream. I’m not going to raise a basic son’

‘Goddamit Tay’, New laughed at him, punching his husband’s arm, ‘You’re so extra’

‘He holds my family name now’, Tay pointed back, standing up to give Frank a hug, ‘I’m not gonna let it get tarnished by a vanilla ice cream eating kid’

‘Let’s get chocolate chip cookie then’, Frank smiled, still hugging Tay with a bright smile on his face, ‘And can I name my little sister?’

‘You wanna have a sister?’, New’s eyes sparkled when Frank nodded, handing back the first envelop to him.

‘If you name her transformer or some shit like that, I’ll unadopt you’, Tay threatened playfully, making his whole family laugh, Frank burying his head on his chest as New joined in the group hug, celebrating the sudden growth of their family.

* * *

Gun sat in his living room with his knees up as he flicked through the channels. He called in sick today after arriving home last night with a spare throat and his cheeks stained with dried tears. Off’s last words to him stung deeply, to the point where he couldn’t even fight back as he watched him leave, disappearing from his view.

He brought all of his stuff back to his house, visiting Jingjing’s apartment to pack up the clothes he left behind, dragging the suitcase back in with Bibii walking by his side. The dog hasn’t been to their house yet, so he thought he should probably bring her in and let her get used to the place. Bibii sat on the sofa beside him, sleeping.

He breathed in the sweater he was wearing, which was his but it still had Off’s scent all over it. He felt numb for the first time. Even when he was at his height of frustration with Off, he’d never felt numb over the sudden gush of sadness which swept over him like now. It didn’t feel right. He wasn’t supposed to feel like this when he thought of Off.

He continued to flick through the channel until he heard the doorbell ringing. And in an instant, it made him drop the remote control, rubbing his eyes as he almost leapt out of the sofa, rushing to the front door and expecting Off to be on the other side. But what he got was Jay instead.

‘I don’t wanna talk to you’, Gun’s smile faded as soon as they made eye contact, about to close the door, but Jay’s foot had already wedged itself between the door.

‘I’m having my debut performance next week’, Jay said, trying to get Gun to listen to him, ‘I just wanted to apologise before then, because I know I’ll be busy after’

‘Good, then you won’t have time to pester me’, Gun rolled his eyes, kicking Jay’s feet away and about to slam the door on his face.

‘I’m sorry’, he heard him call out, making him stop for a moment as he looked at Jay.

‘I spoke to Mild yesterday and she was right. I was overstepping. I should’ve waited until the two of you were over to even think about trying to win you back’

‘But why Jay? Why were you so desperate to get back together? We ended so long ago’

‘Have you met yourself?’, Jay smiled, ‘If you would then you’d know how unforgettable you are’

‘Save me with the compliments’

‘Okay fine’, Jay sighed, combing his hair back as he tried to find the words to explain himself. Ever since he saw Gun in the park for the first time in four years, it felt like the world was giving him a second chance to make things right and explain himself to the boy that got away, ‘You let me go without letting me explain. There were so many loose ends and chances with us and I never really forgot about you because of that. You never let me get my closure when you accused me of cheating and left. And… When we met again, I thought… We could talk it out at least. But then you started talking about your problems with your current husband and then it led to other things… You gave me hope Gun. What was I supposed to do with it?’

He supposed Jay did have a point. He should never have sought to him during the times he felt frustrated with Off. He had led Jay on with the shot when he kept on tiptoeing at the idea of a divorce.

‘Hey, the last time I came over, I saw that you had a pool’, Jay changed the subject, pointing at his house.

‘Why? Do you wanna see it?’

‘I just wanna explain myself to you without any distractions’

‘Last time you stepped into my house, I almost killed my marriage’, Gun sighed, but he leaned his head on the doorframe and thought to himself. He couldn’t stand Jay right now, but he also felt guilty for leaving the guy astray all those years ago. If they had the closure that they both deserved, maybe Jay wouldn’t have forced himself back into the picture and made the situation messier.

‘I promise I won’t do anything. I just wanna have an honest conversation with you. Maybe for the last time?’

‘Fine’, Gun sighed, ‘Come in, I’ll make you some tea’

* * *

Frank raced to P’Off and P’Gun’s house, running past the gates excitedly as he used the spare keys that P’Off gave his dad in case of emergencies, opening the front door and slamming it loudly.

‘P’Off! P’Off, you were right!’, he shouted across the kitchen, too excited to share the news to his favourite Uncle. But just before he could head into the living room, he felt hands closing his mouth whilst dragging him back to the corridor. He was about to scream, but he was turned around. He sighed in relief when he saw Off standing in front of him.

‘Keep quiet kid. Someone’s having a conversation’, he whispered to the boy as he pointed at the glass door which showed Gun and Jay sitting by the pool, sharing a drink as they spoke, but the topic of conversation couldn’t be heard from this distance.

‘Woah, isn’t that the man?’, Frank pointed with wide eyes as they hid behind a wall, peaking in only for a few seconds, ‘P’Off, you gotta go there and stop them’

‘No. I only came here to fetch my resignation letter’, Off informed Frank, ‘I think they deserve to talk things out without me barging in’

‘Talk things out? Resignation letter?’, Frank was too confused, looking at the way P’Off peaked at the glass door, peacefully watching his husband talk to another man as if it doesn’t affect him anymore, ‘You’re quitting your job?’

‘I got a better one waiting for me’, Off turned to smile at him, ruffling his hair like he usually does when Frank greets him. Frank grabbed hold of Off’s shirt when he saw the man begin to walk to the front entrance instead of the garden.

‘You’re supposed to talk to P’Gun. Shouldn’t the married couple talk first before another man walks in?’

‘Do you see the way they’re talking?’, Off pointed back to the door, making Frank turn around to see Jay laughing, which made Gun laugh back as he sipped his coffee. They both had their legs dangling, their feet dipped in the pool, letting the cool water sway whenever they moved. Off noticed how relaxed Gun was, how easy it was for him to unload his problems with Jay, whereas with him it always led to shouting or crying.

The way Jay and Gun spoke was the way he wanted to handle his problems with Gun, the opposite to how his parents used to do it. But he wasn’t raised like that. He was raised to make a mess of things.

‘This is insane’, Frank was bewildered at how Off was calmly accepting his fate without fighting. He’d always seen the older as someone who’s stern and got what he wanted, but instead he saw someone else who’d clearly given up. But not on his watch. He pushed Off out of the way as he made his way to the front door where the main camera is.

‘What’re you doing kid?’

‘You don’t even know what they’re talking about’, Frank rolled his eyes, playing the back cameras and letting the conversations finally be heard.

_‘I just felt empty when you told me you were breaking up with me cos I cheated on you. I mean, back then I was immature and stupid, but I would never cheat on you. I just feel like if you knew that, you never would’ve broken up with me. I’ve let so many people down, my parents, my exes and my friends, I just hated the fact that I let you down too’_

_‘I’m sorry for accusing you. But I still think we would never work back then, because we were both too immature to have a serious relationship. Plus, you were still chasing your dreams and I didn’t wanna stop you from doing that. You wanted to be a singer’_

_‘I’m sorry. I just… You made it hard to forget you’_

_‘I’m really not all that. Even my own husband is leaving me’_

_‘Well, he’s going to regret it. He had the chance to be with you for the rest of his life and he chose to give it up’_

_‘I didn’t leave him much choice. I think I broke him. I admit, I’m really tough to handle’_

_‘You’re gonna meet someone who’ll be compatible with you. They won’t break no matter how much you bend them’_

_‘Maybe… I don’t know. I’m just so confused right now. He said we need this divorce, but… Maybe if he opened up a little bit, like how you did right now, maybe we don’t’_

_‘You can’t force someone’s walls down. You just gotta wait for them to build their own door for you to walk in’_

Off reached out to turn off the camera, stopping him from hearing the rest of the conversation.

‘P’Off, aren’t you gonna do something? P’Gun said he might not want a divorce’, Frank turned to him after listening to the conversation too, ‘P’Off?’

‘It’s so easy for Jay to open up. I wonder how he does that?’, Off sighed, ‘I envy him’, he slid his resignation in his bag as he opened the door, but once again, Frank stopped him with big round eyes looking up at him.

‘You’re gonna give up?’

‘I need to’, Off smiled at him, ruffling his hair one last time, ‘Don’t tell Gun I came here’, he closed the door and left the house unnoticed, leaving Frank to stare at the door in wide shock. He didn’t know how long he’d been standing, just waiting for the hopes that his favourite Uncle would come back and show how strong he is, bu the door was kept shut.

‘Frank? What’re you doing here? Who let you in?’, Gun asked as soon as they entered the living room, opening the door and seeing the boy standing by the front door. Bibii wagged her tail as she followed him back to the living room, sniffing the air to find a different scent in the room and barking loudly.

‘No one’, Frank turned back to stare at Gun, ‘I let myself in’, he lifted up the spare keys he was still holding to inform Gun. He decided not to tell Gun that Off was here, like how he was told to, because P’Off was his favourite Uncle and even though he didn’t like it, he always followed his orders.

‘I heard from Tay by the way’, Gun called out as he walked to the kitchen to fetch more drinks whilst Jay still sat by the pool, ‘They’re finally adopting you’

‘Yeah’, Frank nodded, following him.

‘Congratulations’

‘Thanks. But what is he doing here by the way?’, Frank pointed to the door, making Gun turn around and roll his eyes.

‘He said he wanted to explain himself and apologise to me before he got busy with his debut’

‘And you let him?’

‘Well, I guess it’s better to let him leave without anymore misunderstandings. It might bite me in the ass in the future’

‘How about P’Off? Are you gonna talk about the misunderstandings with him?’

‘Yeah, I will once we’re alone’, Gun replied, curious as to why the boy was pressing his nose to their business when he should be celebrating his adoption with his parents, ‘You should go back to Tay and New. I heard they’re setting up a party to celebrate your adoption’

* * *

‘You’re resigning?!’, Mild shouted as soon as she left the CEO’s office. She wondered why someone like her would be called up individually talk to their boss, but when he asked her if she knew about Off’s resignation, she quickly shook her head and left the office, looking for her friend who resided in his office, ‘is this because of Jay?’

‘No, of course not’, Off laughed at her whilst he continued to do his work. He handed in his two weeks notice, which meant he had two weeks to finish all his work and to prepare for his replacement, ‘I just found a better job’

‘A better job?’, Mild scoffed, ‘This is the biggest entertainment company in the country. What better job is there for you?’

‘Atlantic Records’

‘Isn’t that an American label?’, she titled her head and raised a brow.

‘Worldwide’, Off corrected her, ‘They have a branch in England. Who knows, I might end up managing Ed Sheehan or The 1975, wouldn’t that be cool?’

‘Wait… You’re moving to England? As in… Europe?’

‘I’ve lived there for six years before, it won’t be too overwhelming’, Off explained, typing at his computer and ignoring Mild’s expression, which was still confused but her face fell at the idea of Off leaving the country again.

‘Have you told Gun you’re leaving?’

‘I don’t need to’, Off said, ‘We’ll be divorced by the time I move’

‘You’re actually going through with it?’, Mild gasped. Her friends had tiptoed at the idea of a divorce, but no matter how long they’d been swinging the idea back and forth, she’d never thought it could actually happen. Not with Off and Gun anyway.

‘I think we both need this’

‘Ever heard of couples counselling?’, Mild bit back at him before he could go off about space and other bullshit he’d been excusing himself with, ‘Or maybe talking in the same damn room?’

‘Mild, I don’t know how’, Off pointed back. He remembered the conversation Gun had with Jay at their house and he felt envious. It took only a five minute conversation for both Gun and Jay to get to their points and share what was killing them, but for him… It would take months to even get one word out of him. And he didn’t like it. He didn’t enjoy hiding himself from everyone else, but he’d been doing it all his life, he didn’t know how else to communicate, ‘I need to work on myself before I try to be in a relationship, let alone a marriage’

‘Too late, you’re already in one. So you might as well save it’

‘You know, I was always shit in group projects. Do you remember?’, Off chuckled, reminiscing of the time he nearly failed History when he was paired with Oab and Mild in Junior Year to do a presentation. Mild couldn’t help but laugh at him at their shared memory which consisted of a lot of missed meetings, last minute work and a lo of scrambling.

‘So was I’, Mild whispered, ‘But look at me now. Jane and I are doing well’

‘We grow differently’, Off said, ‘And some never grow at all’

‘I still think you should have one last conversation with Gun. Just to see if there’s a different option’

‘It’s too late’, Off stopped smiling, ‘I already accepted the job’

Mild shook her head in disappointment, looking at her friend whom she had always adored since high school. She couldn’t believe someone like Off could be making a mistake like this. But little to her, Off had made this same mistake before.

‘Well done Off Jumpol. Well done for running away from your problems at your age’

‘It’s a gift’, Off joked back as he stood up and ushered Mild out of his office before she could start up a storm.

* * *

‘A divorce’, New muttered to himself as he unpacked the boxes of deliveries sent to their house, ‘A fucking divorce’

‘Dad, you said no swearing’, Frank shouted from the living room as he did his homework.

‘My best friends are about to get a fucking divorce! Allow me to be frustrated!’, New shouted back, throwing the party poppers and balloons back into the box as Alice sat in the dining hall, writing their invitation cards for their adoption party.

‘Look, I’m sure Gun’s not gonna let this happen’, Alice informed him whilst she contained typing, trying to design the card before sending it off to the printers, ‘He’ll talk to Off’

‘You think?’, New asked, ‘Because once Off made up his mind, he usually goes for it’

‘Well, if we know one person who could change his mind, It’ll be Gun’, Alice said again, rubbing her belly as she took a break from typing, drinking the orange juice New gave her, ‘Where’s your husband anyway? Shouldn’t he be here to help us plan?’

‘He’s out to talk some sense with Off’

* * *

‘Dude, a divorce?!’, Mike and Fiat shouted as soon as they arrived at the bar at Tay’s request. They haven’t met in months, seeing as they each had a family and job to take care of, but when the former shouted emergency, they knew they had to meet with Tay.

‘Off Jumpol? He can’t be the first one to divorce. I betted Mike first’, Fiat shouted.

‘You bastard’, Mike hit Fiat’s face, glaring at the immature boy, ‘I voted you!’

‘Guys, enough’, Tay banged on the desk, waiting for Off to turn up, ‘This isn’t funny. Off is seriously thinking about leaving Gun. I don’t think we need to talk about bets right now’

‘Right, right’, Mike nodded, looking down at his phone and typing.

‘Who’re you talking to?’, Tay asked, ‘I need you to focus’

‘I need to tell Oab. He’s in Venice right now, so he can’t video call because of the time difference, but he sure as hell isn’t missing out on this juicy information’

‘God, why did I even bother calling the two of you’, Tay groaned, massing the bridge of his nose as he stared at the two idiots, ‘I need you to persuade Off not to go through with the divorce. Come on guys, you have families. How did you make it work?’

‘Simple, I say yes to everything my wife tells me’, Fiat points out and Mike gave a nod in agreement, ‘Has Off been keeping secrets’

‘Yeah. A secret sister’

‘A what?!’

‘His dad sorta had two families at the same time’

‘Woah’, Mike gasped, waving his hand to the bartender for a drink, knowing this was going to be a long afternoon, ‘His life sounds like a movie’

‘A fucked up one that people watch to make themselves feel good about their’s’, Fiat added on.

‘Gee, thanks guys’, Off joined in out of nowhere, making all three of them flinch in shock at his voice, ‘But I guess you’re right’

‘You idiot’, Tay kicked Fiat’s foot under the table, ‘Why would you say it aloud?’

‘It’s fine’, Off laughed as he stole Mike’s drink, ‘I know they were only joking. I’ve grown up listening to their sense of humour to be immune to it by now’

‘But a divorce?’, Mike started before Off could even finish his drink, ‘With Gun? I mean that’s like releasing a pearl after diving down forty feet to find it’

‘Gun’s not a pearl’, Off rolled his eyes, ordering another drink for their table.

‘Then what is he?’, Mike asked, ‘He’s not a diamond’

‘Why isn’t he a diamond?’

‘Because he doesn’t work well under pressure’, Mike joked, raising his hand up for a high-five, but all Off could do was stare at him blankly with an unamused expression, ‘Wow, you really left me hanging, huh?’, Mike slowly put his hand down, making Fiat laugh at him.

‘I should’ve called the girls over instead’, Tay whined, ‘You’re all useless’

‘Look, what’re we gonna say to make Off stop? He never paid attention to any of us’, Fiat defended himself, ‘Plus, it’s his relationship. If he wants to end it, let him end it’

‘Yeah’, Mike pointed out, ‘I mean, why don’t we use this as a celebration? Off Jumpol is once again single!’

‘Useless. Every single one of you are useless’, Tay rolled his eyes, leaning back on his chair and taking a shot.

‘Come on idiot, do you still love Gun?’

‘Yeah, I do’, Off nodded truthfully, drinking his beer.

‘Are you willing to change yourself for him?’, Fiat asked.

‘I’ve tried. I just don’t think I have it in me to’

‘Then divorce it is’, Mike and Fiat shouted simultaneously, raising their glass and cheering.

‘Are you guys serious?’, Tay looked at them with a blank expression, ‘I asked you here to persuade Off not to do something stupid and here you are egging him on?’

‘If Off can’t change himself yet, that means he’s still a work in progress’, Mike pointed to Tay who glared at him, ‘You don’t just give someone a half ass done kitchen with no sink and unscrewed cupboards. You finish until you’re done and once you are, that person doesn’t have to fix you themselves’

‘You’re comparing Off to a kitchen?’, Tay punched Mike on the shoulder.

‘It’s a metaphor’, Mike hit him back, ‘Not a very good one, but it gets the point across’

‘They have a point, Tay’, Off reached his hand out, stopping Tay from starting a fight, ‘I think I need to work on myself. I mean, I shouldn’t have asked Gun to marry me in the first place. It’s my fault’

‘Oh, so you regret marrying Gun?’, Mike raised a questioning brow, remembering his friend’s wedding which was anything but regretful. Tay nervously coughed, giving his friends a side-eye, forcing them to shut up.

‘No, I don’t regret it’, Off confessed, ‘But maybe I Just regret the timing. I still had so many things I should’ve fixed first before dragging Gun to my world. It just doesn’t seem fair that I was thinking selfishly’

‘Maybe you should’ve done an Oab and travelled the world instead’, Mike chuckled, ‘Lord knows, you have the money to do it’

‘Maybe I should’ve just let him go during the reunion’, Off whispered, swirling the beer around, watching the liquid spin around in his glass drink, ‘I never should’ve confessed to him’

‘Why not?’, the question didn’t come from Mike nor Fiat and he looked at Tay, wondering if it was his best friend who asked the question, but when he saw the way Tay looked behind him with wide eyes and parted lips, he couldn’t help but turn around.

For a split second, he thought he saw Gun in his school uniform, standing behind him as he looked down, his hair combed neatly like it always was in high school.

‘Why not?’, Gun asked and when Off shook his head, Gun was still standing in front of him, but he wasn’t in school uniform anymore, he was in a sweater and shorts.

‘You called him, didn’t you?’, he turned to glare at Tay but his best friend just mouthed a ‘sorry’ to him as he’s forced to answer Gun’s question.

‘You didn’t believe me anyway. You didn’t think I had it in me to love you’

‘That was because you never told it to my face’, Gun replied, pushing Mike to make way for him, the three boys awkwardly sliding as far away from them as Gun took a seat in front of Off.

‘Then let’s play pretend’, Gun said, pouring beer in an empty glass, ‘Let’s say we’re at the reunion dinner now. Let’s say we’re not married and we haven’t seen each other in years. What would you have changed?’

Off kept quiet, looking at Gun and feeling elated at the way the latter spoke. Even when his heart was breaking, he couldn’t get enough of his voice, nor could he stop staring at his face and how nothing had change. Even stress and work wasn’t enough to change his baby face. Gun waited for him to reply, but he was playing the game, keeping quiet as he continued to drink.

‘You would’ve completely ignored me?’, Gun raised his brow when Off didn’t say anything to him.

‘Damn, that’s harsh’, Fiat whispered, earning another punch from Tay.

‘Then how about on the rooftop?’, Gun said, ‘What would you have said to me?’

‘I don’t even remember what I said to you. All I remembered was you pacing around like a headless chicken calling my name’

‘Then what would you have done when you saw me? Would you have done the same, or would you have left?’

Off continued to stay silent, refusing to answer Gun as he finished his drink.

‘You would’ve let me go?’

‘We wouldn’t be here if I didn’t ask for you to come back to me’, Off whispered, ‘I was selfish for even coming to the dinner hoping you’d be there’

‘So was I’, Gun replied, ‘I guess we’re both selfish for each other’

‘And where did that get us?’

‘It got me back to you’

Off remembered the letter that had been hidden in his dad’s attic all these years. The words still read to him by itself. Even though he only read it once, it was already memorised, word for word. It reminded him of the letter he wrote, all those years ago, also searching for Gun.

‘I forgive you’, Gun said when all Off gave him was silence, ‘I understand why you don’t tell me certain things and I won’t beg to you anymore. I’ll allow you to prioritise your family and sister first before me. I can do that. I can do all of that, I promise’

‘But I don’t forgive you’, Off replied, making everyone sit at the edge of their seat as they watched Gun’s reaction fall, ‘Where’s your ring?’, he asked, and when the three boys looked down to see Gun’s bare fingers, the tan lines slowly disappearing after being gone for so long, their lips parted in shock.

‘I told you, I lost it’

‘You shouldn’t have. That was your promise to me’

‘I don’t need the ring to keep my promise’

‘Then what’s the point of putting one on, eh?’, Off chuckled dryly as he poured himself another drink, ‘You always said I was passive, letting things go off easy, well, this is me being pissed. You let Jay take your wedding ring and got drunk with him. Now it’s gone and I don’t think the hotel is going to call you any time soon saying they’ve found it, because I think you threw it away’

‘No I didn’t’

‘Gun, you do random shit when you’re drunk’, Off pointed out to him, ‘And especially when you’re angry and drunk at the same time. I wouldn’t be surprised if you threw it in a canal or whatever’

‘Is that why we’re getting a divorce? Because I lost a damn ring?’, Gun bit his lip in frustration, trying not to make a scene in the bar, but it was getting really hard trying to keep his emotions hidden – he didn’t know how Off could do it.

‘We’re getting a divorce because you asked me to’, Off stood up, finishing his final drink and slamming the empty glass on the table, ‘And because we finally agree on something’

‘And what’s that?’, Gun called out to him when he started walking. Off stopped, turning back to stare at Gun.

‘That we’re tired’, he replied, sliding his hands in his pockets and feeling his ring get tangled with the thread of his jeans, ‘You were my first love, Gun Atthaphan, and I hoped you’d be my last… But I was wrong’, and with that Off left the bar, walking past the crowd that was growing as he slipped between the shadows to where the exit was, leaving everyone to nervously stare at Gun.

‘You alright?’, Fiat asked, awkwardly reaching a hand out to rest on Gun’s shoulder, but the latter shrugged it off as he downed his drink, slamming his own glass cup on the table as he stood up.

‘Fine’, Gun whispered to himself as he abandoned his friends, ‘Fine’, he kept repeating to himself, trying to accept Off’s words to him. But he couldn’t. He continued to repeat the word over and over again, telling himself that he was going to be fine, but once he reached the exit, he let the cool air hit his face as he leaned on the brick wall, letting the tears stream down his face at Off’s last words to him.

_I’m fine._

* * *

Neen arrived in Bangkok with a big suitcase and a backpack. That was all of her life in Phuket, rolled into one suitcase as she wheeled it behind her, looking across the busy crowd. She coughed when she smelt gasoline and smoke, fanning the front of her face with her hands as she searched around for her brother.

‘Over here!’, she heard someone shout, followed by honking when she turned to find Off’s car parked at the front of the airport with the windows down. He sported black sunglasses with his hair parted and still slightly damp from taking a shower. He probably rushed here since her flight arrived earlier than expected.

‘Nice ride’, she commented as he stepped out of the car to help her haul her suitcase at the back, ‘Mind buying me a similar one? I think I’ll need to start driving in the city’

‘You can have this one if you want’, Off smiled at her as he closed the boot of his car.

‘Oh, you’re buying a new one?’

‘You can say that’, Off replied, the pair of siblings walking to the front of the car, with Neen seated at the front passenger seat whilst hugging her backpack.

‘You can put that at the back’, Off said, but Neen shook her head, hugging it tightly.

‘I don’t want Mum to get crushed’, she said, and once she did, Off turned to look at the backpack which was more bulky than he realised at first. She must’ve been too scared to pack her mother’s urn in her suitcase, so she kept it close to her.

‘I don’t know how you got passed airport security carrying that’, Off chuckled as he started the engines, leaving the airport as they drive to Neen’s new home, an apartment he bought on the outskirts of the city so her drive to the night market would only be twenty minutes whilst she could spend her free time in the city. Everything was already packed and ready for Neen to move in and she wondered what type of influence her brother had that he could easily get her an amazing apartment and a restaurant of her own in a span of a month.

‘You know, if you want, we could go somewhere else first’

‘Where?’

‘To set your mum free’, Off suggested, ‘I’m sure she’d been feeling cooped up in that urn for a long time’, he didn’t know whether he had any rights to comment on Neen’s mother or what she wanted to do with her ashes, but he knew if P’Pik didn’t talk him into it, he would’ve caged Mrs Pho with him out of grief and he knew she wouldn’t have liked it. He hated the idea of letting her go, but he had to admit, in the long run, it did him good.

‘Where do you think she’d like it most?’, Neen opened the idea, not because Off suggested it, but she’d been thinking about it for a long time already. She just didn’t know where to spread her ashes. Phuket was a place her mother hated with all her heart so it felt wrong to spread her ashes anywhere near the place her mother called hell.

‘I think I know just the place.

* * *

Off went to visit the beach where they spread Mrs Pho’s ashes, this time with his sister by his side. They walked in the sand, letting their feet sink in as they admired the view. Everything still looked the same as it did ten years ago when P’Pik spread her ashes, letting it sink into the waters and carried by the waves.

‘Is this where you spread your mum’s ashes?’, Neen asked, remembering the conversation she had with him back at the bar. Off smiled and nodded his head, squinting his eyes from the sunlight as he looked out into the horizon.

‘I visit and talk to her here sometimes’

‘Does she reply?’

Of course not. She’s dead’, Off scoffed, Neen punching his shoulders when her brother started laughing, ‘It took me a long to get over that fact… That she was gone and I was never going to hear her again, at least, not physically anyway. I still feel her sometimes’

‘Do you?’

‘Yeah. I pretend the wind is her and that she’s hugging me. It works sometimes’

‘Hhm’, Neen nodded, staring up at her brother, ‘I guess your mum might want a new friend’

‘So, you’re gonna do it?’, Off asked her. Neen took a moment, looking down at the backpack around her arms and feeling the weight of the urn. She’d been holding onto it for so long, it made her feel less lonely, but thank God miracles happened and her older brother wasn’t a jerk. She might need to close this chapter of her life to open a new one, where hopefully more people might come and make her feel less lonely. And she also had to accept that the person who entered the new chapter was none other than the brother she hated the most.

‘Can you do it with me?’, she asked, making Off sigh a little.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your mother isn’t too fond of me’

‘Yeah, well, she’s not here’, Neen shrugged, ‘I am, and I say this is too heavy to lift up by myself. Why don’t you do it? So you can let her down one more time?’, she joked, laughing when Off glared back at her, tugging at her hair playfully.

Who’d’ve thought that two siblings born during a time of hatred and betrayal can be seen laughing together as they lifted the urn, letting the ashes drop to the clear blue sea, letting the last of their baggage disappear amidst the waves, watching it leave as they stood side by side.

‘Can you hold me?’, Neen asked as she breathed out a deep sigh, watching the waves come back, but they were new ones, not the ones which carried the last of her mother that she had. Off smiled as he rested his arm on her shoulder, giving her an awkward hug whilst they stood for a moment, letting the water wash their feet. Neen looked down at her hand to find the ring around her finger, realising that she still had her mother with her, even if she wasn’t physically there anymore.

But it also reminded her that she wasn’t her mother, and all the hatred she built up which stopped her from experiencing a life of her own needed to fade away.

‘I forgive you’, she whispered to no one in particular. Maybe to her father for leaving them, maybe to her mother who never got over it or maybe to Off’s mother. But she knew she needed to say those words so that her chapter wouldn’t be stained in old ink from the previous page.

‘Are you hungry?’, Off asked after they stared at the seas in silence for five minutes, tugging at her hair again, ‘I know a great place that makes the best food. That’s where I bought the

place for your restaurant too’

‘Sure, let’s see who my competitors are’, Neen nodded, ready to leave the beach.

‘They’re not your competitors. They’re your friends’, Off corrected her, ‘They promised they’ll help you get started’

‘We’ll be fighting for the same customers’

‘Trust me, with how big and crowded Bangkok is, you won’t be fighting. You’ll be sharing customers’

* * *

‘Hey, where’s your husband? I haven’t seen him around?’, P’Pik said as he passed two dishes to them, steaming hot as Off dug in.

‘P’Off, where’s P’Gun! He promised he’d buy me a new phone’, he heard Cherry calling his name form behind, the teenager walking towards them and giving Off a hug before sitting next to him, stealing a fork and digging into his meal.

‘You know everyone here, huh?’, Neen asked, amused at how Off just let the girl steal his meal whilst she looked down on her phone which had a wide crack on the screen.

‘Oh yeah. Whenever his parents fought, we’d see a little boy walking in asking for a glass of water or food because he was hungry’, P’Pik told her, already leaping at the chance to talk about Off, ‘I remember this one time he came straight from the hospital with an injured head. Couldn’t stop crying until Mrs Pho made him her drink and he ate my food’

‘Why were you at the hospital?’

‘My parents were fighting and I tried to get in between but I was pushed against the wall. It split my head open. Had to get stitches’

‘Yikes’, Neen hissed at the story, but Off told it as if it was no big deal, but stealing his plate away from Cherry. She realised that Off didn’t have a better childhood than she thought he did, especially being stuck with two selfish people for parents. At least her mother loved her, ‘How did social services not take you?’

‘They checked up multiple times’, Off commented, ‘The neighbours would get suspicious of the fighting, but they never found any bruises on me, so they just let it be’

‘P’Off, where’s P’Gun?’, Cherry asked again, ‘He hasn’t visited in months’

‘Sorry’, Off smiled at her, ‘He’s been busy with work’

‘Sure he has’, P’Pik coughed as he walked over to pass them bottles of beer, ‘Are you sure he hasn’t married someone else?’

‘As a matter of fact, he might’, Off rolled his eyes and replied to P’Pik, ‘We’re getting divorced’

‘What?!’, everyone shouted at him, even Neen who didn’t expect it, especially when she had recently been on the phone with Gun and he didn’t mention anything about a divorce.

‘He asked for it’, Off shrugged, ‘And I think it’ll be good for us’

‘I should go to the temple’, P’Pik whispered, fanning himself, ‘I can already feel Mrs Pho’s spirit come back’

‘Stop joking around’, Off sighed, ‘Divorce is healthy when two people hurt each other more than they love. You shouldn’t judge anyone who wants a divorce. They don’t get it because they want to, they get it because they need it. So, don’t call it weak’

‘I’m not’, P’Pik defended himself when he saw how Off was offended, ‘I don’t think there’s anything wrong with divorce. I just think there’s something wrong with _your_ divorce’

‘How so?’

‘It shouldn’t exist’, P’Pik simply stated, ‘That boy of yours love you. Anything you love is worth fixing and sometimes fixing means getting your hands cut and bruised in the process. But the end will be worth it. You’ll see if you hold on’

‘I’ve made up my mind’, Off replied, not wanting to continue the conversation, ‘I really do think this will be good for us’

‘Whatever you say kid’, P’Pik raised a curious brow at him, ‘But let me remind you, this isn’t something the Off Jumpol I knew and raised would do’

‘You also didn’t know that the Off Jumpol you raised also had a sister who’s going to be the new owner of Mrs Pho’s shop, yet here we are’, Off raised his beer, drinking it as Neen stopped eating.

‘You’re giving me your mum’s old shop?’, she asked in shock. She wasn’t aware about this small information which shouldn’t be a big deal, but to her it was. Off was sharing so much to her that she didn’t know how to comprehend it. He had driven her to the place he found peace with his founded mother and allowed her to share it with him and now he’s even giving her the shop that he cherished, ‘Why’re you giving it to me?’

‘Because I’m your older brother’, Off smiled at her, ‘And it’s my job to share with my sister’

‘He’s so cool, isn’t he?’, P’Pik laughed when Neen kept staring at him in surprise, ‘That’s why Gun fell in love with him’

‘I can see that’, Neen nodded, feeling her heart turn light for the first time. She didn’t think about what it felt like to have an older brother, albeit only being a week older, taking care of her like how an older brother would. She’s always been an independent person who took care of herself, but she didn’t know how good it would feel to be taken care of, ‘I would fall for you if I was Gun’

‘I remember P’Off bought P’Gun a shirt once’, Cherry added on, ‘He loved that shirt. I would see him wear it sometimes’

‘That damn snoopy shirt?’

‘No, the mermaid one’, Cherry laughed, ‘It looked weird on him, but it makes him look cute too’

* * *

**Two Weeks Before the Meeting.**

‘It’s the company concert tonight’, Mild said as he walked out of his office, ‘You’ll need to be there for the press conference before the concert starts’

‘Yeah’, Off nodded, ‘I’m just finishing up looking at the applicants. A lot of people applied for my job’

‘Because a lot of people want it’, Mild sighed, looking down at the file of resumes Off was carrying, ‘That’s why you better change your mind now before someone else takes your job’

‘I’m not gonna change my mind’, Off said to her.

‘Too bad’, Mild sighed, ‘I’m gonna miss my best friend at work’

‘We can still hang out once you visit London’

‘And what makes you think I have time to go to London?’, Mild scoffed, ‘I’ve got artists I need to take care of’

‘Fine, I’ll FaceTime you’

‘You’re not planning on coming back to Thailand, are you?’, Mild stopped walking as she glared at her friend, forcing him to stop too once he realised she’s not beside him, ‘Are you gonna say you have no one to come back to?’

‘So what if I say that?’

‘Because it’s not true’, Mild said to him whilst she held onto her bag, ‘If not for Gun, you have Tay and New who’re gonna have a baby, and you know they’ve been planning to make you the godfather. And how about Arm and Alice? They’re gonna need our help to welcome their baby soon. And how about me? Who’s gonna make me wanna come to work? Who’s gonna help Jane and I when we know jackshit about mechanics?’

‘Call an engineer’, Off replied, ‘Plus, you’ve all got each other. You’ll help take care of Alice’s kid. You’re all going to be fine without me’

‘Will you be fine without us?’, Mild asked before he could press the lift buttons, waiting for his reply.

‘Of course, I am’, Off turned to smile back at her, ‘I’m Of Jumpol. I’ll pick myself back up’, he winked and pressed the lift button, walking in with his cocky expression, only making Mild want to punch him in the face as she rushed to look at him.

‘You’re an asshole’, she shouted at him.

‘I may be’, Off nodded, ‘But Gun’s gonna need you guys more than I do. Make sure to take care of him for me’, he said before the door closed between them, leaving Mild to stare at the door with a disappointed expression.

* * *

**June 2023**

‘Off, can you help us with the stove?!’

‘Jesus, I’m the guest here, aren’t I?’, Off rolled his eyes, making Gun laugh as he leant in to kiss Off’s kips before the taller left the dining room and headed to the kitchen to where Jane and Mild were struggling to turn on their new stove.

‘Why is everything touch screen?’, Jane whined, pulling Off to where they were.

‘You bought a house that you don’t know how to use?’, he snickered, bending down to look at their stove, trying to look for the switch button. Mild and Jane had just come back from their honeymoon and they had invited everyone to their new house for dinner. Too bad, Off and Gun were the first to turn up, meaning they had to help them finish setting up the meal that they hadn’t even cooked yet since it took them hours trying to turn on their damn stove.

‘Is this voice command?’

‘Why would you have a kitchen that’s on voice command?’, Off laughed, pressing the circle and seeing the button light up green. With a few fiddling about, he managed to make the stove work.

‘I’m guessing you guys need help cooking dinner’, Gun decided to join in the kitchen after feeling bored in the dining room, ‘Alice said they’ll be here in an hour’

‘Jesus, why don’t we just get takeaway and make it look like we cooked it?’, Jane whined when she turned to the counter to look at all the uncooked meat they were planning to do.

‘Oh, come on guys’, Gun laughed, taking off his jacket and rolling up his sleeves, ‘We can do it’

‘Well, I’m shit in the kitchen, so I’ll leave you guys to it’, Off nodded his head, about to head to the living room to watch a movie when he felt his husband tug his sleeves, dragging him back to the kitchen.

‘Oh, no you don’t babe’, Gun smiled, leaning in to kiss his neck, ‘You’re gonna help us cut the vegetables’

‘Like hell I am’, Off bit back, yet five minutes later, he was wearing gloves and sunglasses whilst he sat by the counter cutting onions whilst Mild laughed at him.

‘You’re so extra’, she chuckled whilst she took the carrots and peppers to cut instead.

‘Shut up, my eyes hurt’, Off sniffled, trying not to let the tears poke through his eyes after cutting the fifth onion.

‘Guys, pick up the pace. We need those onions next’, Gun called out from the front, helping Jane fry the meat and boil the stew.

‘Mr Bossy’, Off muttered to himself, banging the knife on the cutting board as he stood up, abandoning Mild as he sneak up, wrapping his arms around Gun’s waist, ‘Why don’t you come here and help me, huh?’, he whispered, leaving kisses all over Gun’s cheeks and down his neck.

‘Off Jumpol! Not now! We need to finish this before Arm and Alice comes and makes fun out of us!’, Jane shouted, rolling her eyes as she came between them, trying to separate Off from Gun, but the former was stronger, hugging Gun tighter as he continued to leave kisses everywhere.

‘Excuse me, but we’re the newly weds, not you’, Mild shouted, abandoning her job and walking up to push Off out of the way as she held Jane’s hands, dragging her away and placing a soft kiss on her lips.

‘Guys, come on, we need to do work’, Gun shouted at all of them, but his demands were buried in shrieks and shrills of laughter.

‘Oh, so this is what you idiots have been doing!’, they heard another voice coming through the hallway and they all turned to find Arm and Alice.

‘How did you get in our house?’, Jane gasped, trying to get Mild’s arms around her waist, but failing miserably.

‘You gave us spare keys remember’, Alice smiles, waving the keys around as she looked at the kitchen, ‘Don’t tell me you haven’t finished cooking’

‘They didn’t know how to turn on their own stove’, Off chuckled, ‘They’re so useless’

‘Says the one who can’t cook’, Mild and Jane shouted at him simultaneously.

‘Alright, there’s no competition’, Arm chuckled as he put his bag down, joining them in the kitchen, ‘We all know I’m the perfect husband’

‘I can’t object to that’, Alice smiled, making everyone groan as Arm started to make a list of everything he was good at – which was everything. By this point, all of Mild and Jane’s guests were helping around in the kitchen, cooking and cutting, talking whilst they wait for Tay and New to arrive.

‘They’re always the last to arrive’, Jane whined, looking down at her watch, ‘What are they doing to be so late?’

‘You do not wanna know’, Off gagged as he sat by the counter, watching Arm season the stew like a pro, ‘I once walked in their house because I left my USB in there… Lord, the things I saw, I couldn’t unsee’

‘What the hell did you see?’, they all asked him curiously, their eyes wide like an owl.

‘Let’s just say they’re more kinky than Gun and I’

‘Babe, what the fuck, don’t drag us into it’, Gun smacked his arm, making everyone laugh as they finished up cooking. Of course, the last to arrive finally came when they’ve finished cooking and setting up the tables, Tay and New walking in with a bottle of champagne whilst everyone whoops and whistles when they saw how dishevelled they looked, with New’s messy hair and Tay’s crinkled shirt.

* * *

**Two Weeks Before the Meeting**

The press conference was handled well by Off and his team, overlooking each artist and their management whilst they approved the reporter’s questions.

‘So, we heard you’re going to be introducing a new artist during the concert’, one reporter asked him backstage as they prepared the last rounds of interviews, ‘What makes him different from all the other artists?’

 _He’s a dick._ Off thought to himself, but instead he smiled and kept his composure.

‘He’s charismatic for sure. And talented, he writes all of his songs’, he added on, ‘I’m sure you’ll find his debut to be very exciting’

‘And how about for you?’, the reporter asked with an amused expression. Anyone who’s ever worked in the industry knows the name Off Jumpol, especially journalists and gossip magazines. He was everyone’s worst nightmare. He knew how to handle every bomb and scandal thrown to every artist under his management, which makes it harder for the magazines to stir up shit, ‘Is he gonna be hard work for you?’

‘No artist is hard work for me’, Off raised a bemused brow, ‘None of you have defeated me’

‘Well, by the looks of this Jaylerr kid, who knows. He might be the death of you’

‘I’ll be gone before that ever happens’, he whispered to himself, bowing his head to part ways to the reporter as the last and most anticipated artist walks the red carpet towards the reporters. He stood behind, observing the way the cameras flashed a dozen at a time as Jaylerr stepped in, sporting a leather jacket and ripped jeans, his hair parted to the side with a daring smirk on his face.

‘I thought you said you were gonna make him look ugly?’, Off whispered to Mild as he tapped her shoulder.

‘Oh just you look when the pictures come out’, Mild chuckled, tiptoeing to whisper at him, ‘I put on a shade lighter foundation on his face. When the photos get uploaded he’s gonna look like Casper the friendly ghost’

Off couldn’t help but snort, already noticing the obvious difference between his face and neck. He sneaked a small high five to Mild who took it victoriously as they laughed amongst themselves like a bunch of school kids in the playground.

‘So, are you going to perform an original song?’, a reporter shouted to Jaylerr who took the attention very well.

‘Yes. It’s a song that I wrote recently, something that I needed to get out of my chest and share with the rest of the world’

‘And what’s the song about?’

‘It’s about someone special’, Jaylerr smiled, his eyes shining bright as he answered the question sincerely, ‘Someone who inspired me to pursue my dreams’

‘And are they here now? Are they here to support you?’

‘Hopefully’, Jaylerr nodded, ‘I hope he’ll finally hear this song’

‘He better not be talking about Gun’, Mild whispered, scrunching her nose in anger as she flipped her hair to the side, accidentally hitting Off’s face in the process.

‘Stop being overdramatic’, Off flinched at the sudden movement, ‘Of course, he was talking about Gun’, he ruffled Mild’s hair like a kid before walking off since the interview segment was over.

‘And where are you going?’, Mild raised a suspicious brow as she followed him.

‘The press conference is done, and so it my job. So, I’m going home’

‘Can’t you stay? I have to be here for the entire concert’, Mild whined, reaching her hand out to grab his wrist, ‘We’re not gonna be work buddies for long’

‘Fine’, Off rolled his eyes, ‘But I’m gonna be standing at the back and leaving if I get bored’

* * *

‘P’Gun, I wanna go’, Frank whined as he looked down on his phone and read through the hashtags, ‘I wanna go to the concert’

‘Then buy a ticket’, Gun rolled his eyes as he picked up Bibii, walking over to the sofa and plopping down to watch TV. He’s on babysitting duty since Tay and New are driving over to their parents to pick them up for the party tomorrow and Frank’s been an annoying brat.

‘You’re still P’Off’s husband, I’m sure you have a pass. They know you don’t they?’

‘Jesus, Frank why do you wanna go to the concert anyway? Who do you wanna see so badly?’, Gun tried to shrug the boy’s pleas, but Frank was loud and demanding. He was starting to become spoilt and he had no one to blame but Tay.

‘I’ve never been to a concert before’, Frank pouted, ‘I was an orphan’

‘Don’t even pull the orphan card on me’, Gun glared, ‘You’re getting adopted by two rich men, you’ll have plenty of time to go to any concert you want’, he usually wasn’t this strict on Frank, he probably would’ve said yes if he didn’t have Jaylerr’s voice in the back of his head.

_‘It’s my debut performance in a couple of days. I’m not gonna expect anything, but I hope you come’_

Jaylerr even gave him VIP tickets which was hidden inside his bag after Jay left his house. He knew what the invite implied. His answer was important, because if he showed up, he was telling Jay that they’d still be in each other’s lives. But if he didn’t, then that was that. And he decided not to show up.

‘P’Gun, the concert is gonna start soon! We can still get in!’, Frank shouted.

‘If I give you the tickets, would you go with a friend and leave me alone?’, Gun whined as he stood up, stomping to where his bag was in the kitchen and throwing it at Frank, ‘I’ve got two tickets in there’

‘Why’ve you got two tickets?’, Frank stared at him but Gun shrugged and went back to the sofa, ‘You do realise, I need someone to drop me off at the venue, right?’

‘For fuck’s sake, why did Tay and New adopt you?’, Gun stood up just as soon as he sat down, picking up his keys and walking out of the house, ‘Come on then, I’ll drop you off’

‘Thanks P’Gun!’, Frank smiled at him, laughing as his short Uncle stopped towards the garage where he parked his car. Of course, Frank didn’t actually wanna go to the concert, but he knew P’Off was going to be there, so he assumed with the dark lights, loud music and big crowds, they might feel the pressure leave when they’re reunited. He thought it was a great plan.

Oh, how wrong was he.

* * *

Off was the only was sitting on his seat whilst the rest of the crowd stood up cheering. The concert had just begun, yet when the lights lit up, it ushered a sea of loud screams from behind, followed by chants that rung in his ears.

He sat on the other side of the VIP area, beside the standing area where he had access to backstage just in case he’s needed. It was easy to scan the crowd from his view, watching the stage come to life as the first performance began.

Mild had gone backstage to prepare for the next performance which meant he sat by himself, listening got the songs and bopping his head along with it.

_Who’s that handsome man? Look, the one who’s sitting._

_He could be one of the celebrities._

_No I think he’s just a manager._

The crowd around him stole glances in his direction, mesmerised by the man in a three piece suit with his arms crossed watching the concert as if he was watching a political debate, his face stern and serious.

* * *

‘I’m not going’, Gun whined, but it was too late, the teenager had passed on the ticket just before they stopped letting people in, lying to the guard that Gun was his guardian since under sixteens weren’t allowed in the VIP area without supervision, ‘You sly fox’, Gun shouted at him as Frank laughed, sticking his tongue out and dragging him to the stadium.

 _Jay won’t be able to find me in this big crowd. I’m sure I’ll be fine._ Gun thought to himself as he looked down at the clothes he wore, which was pyjama shorts and his old T-shirt that Off gave him a long time ago, the printed mermaid faded and almost gone. He looked horrible, so maybe Jay might not recognise him.

‘I wonder where P’Off is?’, Frank searched around as soon as they arrived to their seats beside the bar, his head turning side to side in search of his favourite Uncle.

‘You stay here’, Gun pointed at him, ‘I’m gonna go get myself a drink’, he quickly made his way to the bar, leaning on the counter as he ordered a bottle of cider. _He won’t see me._ This is his debut performance in front of thousands of people he need to impress, he’s going to be preoccupied to notice him, he was sure of it. He was also sure he was going to kill Frank once this concert ended for dragging him.

‘P’Gun! Do you have a pass to go backstage?’, Frank shouted at him as he rushed over to where he is.

‘You’re not allowed in the bar area’, Gun told him off, paying the bartender before he dragged Frank back to their seats, which had a clear and perfect view of the stage. He drank his cider and stayed seated which Frank stood up and kept looking around. But Gun thought he was just waiting for his favourite artist to perform, so he pad him no attention, leaning back and trying to make himself feel as small as possible.

He watched the girls performed on stage, seeing them dance as the crowd cheered for them. He didn’t know the line-up, so he had no idea who was going to be performing next as the lights go down, the VCR changing from flowers to stars, light galaxies playing in the background as the music changed. It was a song no one’s heard before and the crowd was silent for the first time, wanting to hear the voice who started singing a soft melody.

_Every day, I wonder_

_Every night, I ponder_

_Thinking that one day I’ll be forgotten_

Gun coughed out his cider as he recognised Jay’s soft voice against the chill beat, his eyes widening as the spotlight shun on him. He was standing at the centre, holding a mic stand, looking in front of him.

_Do you realise how much I’m agonised?_

_I only wanna know_

_If you and I are on the same page_

_I really wanna know if you have a change of heart_

_Or is it just me thinking?_

_Or is there something missing?_

_Like how my feelings never reach you._

Gun hitched his breath, holding it as he continued to listen to Jay singing, his voice so familiar, he couldn’t help remember the nights they spent in his apartment balcony just looking up at the stars, Gun leaning on his shoulders as he listened to him play on his guitar, his sweet voice humming him to sleep.

* * *

**April; 2019**

‘Tell me Gun, who do you love most?’

‘You’, he whispered as he knelt down and kissed his lips softly. Jay felt warm under him. He felt his fingers teasingly lift his shirt up, grazing his skin, making him burn as they pressed their bodies together. They didn’t say anything else; silence was their best friend because they had nothing else in common apart from their obvious attraction for each other.

Jay was tall, his hair was parted at the centre, his skin pale and his lips small yet plump. He looked similar to all the other guys he’d slept with, but Gun guessed he had a type. The type to wear shirts tucked inside their denim jeans, slender fingers tugging his hair and whispering sweet nothings to his ear as he comes undone. Yeah, Gun had a type.

_‘You wanna wear my clothes?’_

_‘They’re always so big on me’_

_‘I can buy you some from P’Pon’s stall?’_

_‘You always buy me big shirts’_

_‘You look cute in big shirts’_

‘Why do you always wear big clothes?’, Jaylerr asked when they woke up. He was still in bed when he watched Gun grab his shirt from the floor, watching his slender body being covered by something so old and clearly unattractive. It didn’t do Gun’s figure justice to be wearing something oversized.

‘I just like it’, Gun simply shrugged, standing up finally, heading towards the kitchen.

‘That shirt doesn’t even look like it belongs to you’, Jaylerr called out, reaching his hand out to grab Gun by the waist, making him sit on his lap before he could leave for the kitchen.

‘Jealous?’, Gun smirked, leaning in to leave wet kisses on Jay’s neck, tugging his shirt down to kiss lower.

‘Not when I have you right here’, Jay whispered back, moaning under Gun’s control as they ditched breakfast.

* * *

**Two Weeks Before the Meeting**

As the song reached its climax, Gun sat up straight watching Jay with curious eyes. He couldn’t lie to himself, he was enthralled at the way Jay controlled the crowd, having everyone stay silent just for him, letting his voice move everyone’s emotions.

And just as he thought he could get away with it, Jay continued singing but he turned his head towards him, locking eyes with Gun as he sang the words directly to him.

_Only in my mind that you and I are still together,_

_And thinking about those memories makes my heart grow fonder,_

_Can you see me aching?_

_Or is there something missing?_

_Like how my feelings never reach you._

Gun kept his eyes on Jay, noticing how he never left his glance on him, the stars behind him dancing as his voice continued to reach out to him with the feelings he wasn’t afraid to share in front of him and the whole world.

* * *

_‘Can you talk about your song writing process? Is hard to write about something personal?’_

_‘No, I think I’ve learnt how to be open about my feelings and it’s because of songwriting. It’s like my diary, writing I felt about a certain person of even about my day. It’s easy and even cathartic’_

Off would never find himself standing on stage expressing his feelings to thousands of people, but in that moment, he watched Jay do it. He watched the man bravely confess his feelings with perfectly woven lyrics. And it pained him he he glanced at Jay’s gaze, staring at the person who he was confessing to and seeing his ex husband on the other side.

Gun was sitting down, but his eyes were clear as day. No matter how loud the music was, how blinding the lightsticks were, his mind couldn’t erase the way Gun looked at Jay, with his eyes wide and surprised. But there was also a hint of emotion hidden beneath the shock that Off only saw when Gun looked at him. He remembered listening to Jay’s interview, envious of his open mind and unchained thoughts that gave him courage to confess to Gun whilst he was sitting here, holding everything in as he watched their story unfold in front of his eyes.

He stood up from his chair, looking down at the time as he walked backstage, deciding to leave before the concert finished so he could start packing his things for the move in London. He knew Gun won’t be home until the concert ends so it’ll give him a few hours to go back to his house for the last time.

* * *

20.51

Off looked at the clock hanging above the living room as he looked around his house. He decided to leave everything under Gun’s name, mainly because he couldn’t bring all of his belongings to London, so he decided to leave it behind. He had three big suitcases with all of his clothes and shoes, deciding he’d buy an apartment fully furnished in London so he doesn’t have to worry about bringing furniture.

He finished packing the last of his suitcase when he walked out into their room, closing the drawers and looking through the different frames. He looked at the photos of him and Gun scattered through out their room. Some were from their wedding, holding each other’s hands as they stood by the meadows with their white suits. Some were taken on their honeymoon, his eyes scanning at the photo of Gun walking down Paris streets at night with a camera hanging from his neck.

He supposed it would be better to leave the photos behind, but he couldn’t stop staring at a small frame which rested on the bedside table. It was of Gun sleeping on the plane on their way back from Paris. He remembered secretly taking it, thinking Gun looked cute in the moment. He reaching out his hands and grabbed the small frame, opening it up and taking the picture.

Just before he changed his mind, he set the frame back down the table, now empty as he slid the photograph in his pockets, closing his bedroom door and heading downstairs with his last suitcase.

* * *

‘P’Off! P’Off!’, Frank kept calling out for him once the concert was over and they were ushered backstage to meet the stars. Gun kept a close eye on the teenager, not wanting to lose him, but even he was getting nervous. What if he saw Off here? What would be say? And what would happen if Jay was in the same room? He didn’t want to make a scene so he told Frank to quickly see who he wanted to see so they can get out of here.

‘Woah, Gun, you’re here’, Mild reached her hand out to tug at his shirt, gaining his attention as she saw him walking around, ‘Who’re are you here to see?’, he asked suspiciously.

‘Uh, no one’, Gun admitted, ‘I’m just waiting for Frank to finish taking pictures. I brought him here’

‘Oh… Okay’, Mild nodded, ‘Well, Off’s not here. Someone told me he already left to go home’

‘Home as in your house? Or Tay’s?’

‘I have no idea’, Mild answered honestly, ‘But he says he’s not gonna stay at mine’s tonight’

‘But I’m staying over at Tay’s…’, Gun whispered and he started to think that maybe Off was coming back to their house and he felt his heart tug, ‘Frank!’, he shouted for the boy, ‘Frank, we need to go’

‘Hey, Gun, you came’

_Oh shit._

Gun turned around to see Jay walking towards him.

‘Hey Jay’, he smiled at him, trying to usher Frank back so they can get out of here, ‘Well done on your performance’

‘Thanks’, he smiled back again, his eyes disappearing in crescent shapes, ‘I’m glad you came to see me’

‘Uh, I was just taking my godson to see the concert’, Gun informed him, coughing awkwardly, ‘It was him who wanted to go, not me’

‘Oh, right’

‘Yeah, that’s right lover boy’, Mild perked in, grabbing Gun by the wrist, ‘He’s not here for you’

Before Jay can talk to Gun, he was dragged out by Mild, followed by Frank who she dragged by the ear out of the main reception back to the corridor towards the exit.

‘Ow! Ow! Auntie, you’re hurting me’

‘The paparazzi’s are gonna be here soon, so I suggest you leave’, Mild warned them, ‘We don’t want any photos of you guys around, just in case rumours spread that you’re a secret boyfriend or whatever. It’ll give Off a headache if he has to deal with one last scandal’

‘One last scandal?’, Gun furrowed his brow, but he was thrown out of the room before he could ask Mild what she met.

* * *

After dropping off Frank to his house and picking up Bibii, he drove back to his home in hopes that his hunch was true when he was Tay if Off texted him if he was going to stay over, earning a no from the busy man.

He parked his car in the garage, the day already ending after spending the rest of the night at the concert. He looked up at the moon before heading inside, finding his living room left untouched. He looked around the kitchen, calling out Off’s name, but he couldn’t seem to find the latter. Bibii separated from him, running towards the living room and jumping on the sofa excitedly.

He decided to head to their room, only to find it half empty. He rushed around, opening their walk in closet to find Off’s hand completely empty, hangers with no clothes piled across, drawers opened and emptied out.

He felt something gnawing at the back of his head when he realised what was going on, his feet rushing back down to the front entrance where the main security controller was. He held his breath as he looked through the footage, scrolling through the hours until he saw Off standing by the front entrance, wheeling three big suitcases out of the house.

Gun didn’t say anything. He just gripped his hands on the doorknob, trying to keep himself still as he watched Off struggle to pick up the heavy case and place it inside the boot of his car. He didn’t know he was crying until he felt something warm trickle down his cheeks, landing on his feet without nothing to do but watch as Off’s car finally leaves through the gate, disappearing before he returned.

* * *

**The Next Day; Two Weeks Before the Divorce Settlement Meeting**

Gun walked out into the garden, there was a chilled air which brushed his hair a little as the winds welcomed him. Tay and New’s living room were stuffed with people, laughing and celebrating with loud music and glasses of champagnes passed around. He was confused as to why he got invited in the first place and he initially never wanted to turn up. He supposed Tay and New couldn’t decide which to invite, so they invited both of them in hopes they won’t make a scene in front of their family. He was busy wallowing in his own self-pity when he heard from New about the new job, one which required Off leaving the country once again and it felt familiar. The kicking in his stomach was something he’d felt before, the lodged football down his throat as he read New’s message again and again. It felt like his life was on a loop, the tape rewinding to the very beginning.

He couldn’t find his husband anywhere – or should he say, ex-husband. Gun should get used to calling him ex now that the meeting with the lawyers was close. It felt bitter in his tongue, the world rolling down and leaving behind something poisonous. Jaylerr was still inside. He just hoped the gang doesn’t do anything to drag the attention on him rather than on Tay and New.

‘Why would you invite him?’, he remembered his friends hissing at him as soon as he turned up with Jay by his side. He didn’t answer. He just warned them not to make a scene since this was Tay and New’s night, not his. But there was a simple answer to the question, he didn’t wanna feel alone and with everyone seemingly on Off’s side, he just wanted to find someone who could be on his, even if it was Jay.

But as of right now, he couldn’t care if there was a fight happening inside. He couldn’t find the tall man that New promised would be here. He didn’t know whether to be relieved or not. What else could he have said now that everything was over?

‘So, you actually came?’, Gun didn’t need to see him know it was Off’s voice that broke the silence as he walked further into the backyard. The pool lights were the only thing illuminating his face as he sat down on one of the garden seats, a lit cigarette resting between his calloused lips. He stopped walking as he stared down at the man from across the yard, the pool separating them from each other.

‘How long have you been here?’, he asked, his voice raised as he called out to him.

‘Since the beginning’, Off chuckled, ‘Tay needed help with decorations’, he tapped his cigarette, letting the ashes fall on the cement, ‘Did you bring him with you?’

Gun didn’t answer. He stood awkwardly on the edge of the pool, playing with his fingers, ‘You’re not gonna punch him, are you?’, Off didn’t say anything, instead, he stared at him, looking at him up and down as he took another drag, blowing out the grey smokes, blocking his eyes from Gun’s sight.

‘I know you don’t love me anymore’, Off whispered. He finished his cigarette, throwing the butt on the ground as he stood in the middle of Tay’s backyard, listening to the muffled noise of music screaming from the living room. It was dark, the lights from the city hiding the stars scattered all over the sky.

They weren’t kids anymore. A simple confession wasn’t enough to fix the cracks between the two of them and Off realised that nothing was going to change Gun’s mind as they stood across from each other. His hand was hidden inside his pockets, but he felt the gold ring wrapped around his finger, burning hot as he stared down at Gun’s bare hands.

‘You love him, don't you?’, Off said again, ‘I know because you used to look at me the way you look at him’, they were both in suits, a horrific re-enactment of what supposedly was the best day of their lives. But this time, they were both in black, stained with stupid words and loss of interest. It was never supposed to end this way, but the thread that was tied between them was growing thin, tight around their skin until they bled to get rid of it.

‘So, I won’t do anything. I promise’, Off broke the silence, shredding the slither of hope he had kept up until this very moment, ‘He’s a nice man’

‘Don’t fucking start’, Gun growled at him, his brow furrowed furiously as he glared at the only man standing in front of him, ‘Don’t try to play the saint’

‘I’m not’, the tall man smiled, ‘I’m just ready to let you go now’

‘Why now?’, Gun asked, his voice bitter yet broken, just like how he’d been feeling these past few weeks, ‘Why didn’t you let me go when I asked you to? Why did it take you this long?’, their separation was messy, as if they had pulled the stitch one by one and now, they were both bleeding, on the brink of death. The cheers could be heard from where they were and Gun couldn’t help but pity himself as his friends celebrate a joyous occasion. It seemed like everyone was allowed to be happy apart from him. It was unfair.

‘I thought I could make you fall in love with me again’, Off laughed, more to himself, to his failed attempt to keep hold onto someone who didn’t want to stay, ‘You fell in love with me once, I thought you could do it again’

‘I was eighteen. Stupid and desperate’, Gun spat out, his skin was heated, his pulse beating hard when Off continued to smile at him. He wanted to break every little piece of Off, but the latter was strong – he always had been.

‘We both were eighteen, stupid and desperate’, the taller nodded, ‘But we were both hopefuls at twenty-six’

‘We were too young’, Gun whispered, his throat burning up, ‘What were we thinking?’

‘I don’t know what you were thinking, but I knew what I was doing’, Off replied to him, but his smile was gone, just eyes staring down on him as he took a step back, the first movement made, ‘I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you’

‘I’m sorry’, Gun said, and like a magnet, he took a step closer when he realised Off took a step back, ‘I really am’

‘Not a problem’, his husband showed no signs of remorse nor anger, as if his last emotions had already dissipated before tonight. But New had already prepared him for tonight, so Off didn’t expect a miracle, he supposed he already ran out of them when he used his miracle on the night, he reunited with Gun Atthaphan, ‘We all fall out of love. It’s no big deal’

‘You think I’m not a big deal?’, Gun called out.

‘You know that’s not what I meant’, Off replied, their dance stopped when he took another step back, Gun being too close to the pool for him to walk any closer.

‘Are you always gonna leave when something doesn’t go your way?’, Gun shouted, scared that is voice wouldn’t reach Off who was slowly backing away.

‘What’re you talking about?’

‘You always do that. Pretend you don’t exist and leave people’s lives as if you haven’t stained yourself all over us!’, Gun was slightly breathless, his nails digging into his own skin, ‘Fine! This time I’ll really forget you, so go fuck yourself’

Off didn’t say anything. He sighed as he slipped his hand out of his pockets, looking down at the ring that he still had yet to get rid of.

‘This ring is cursed’, he whispered to himself as he slid it off, setting it down on the table.

Gun watched. He saw the ring that had finally left Off’s fingers and he wanted to shout at the man. But then he felt his empty fingers and realised he had no rights. He gasped when he watched Off throw the ring into the pool, hearing a small plop as it sunk to the bottom, nowhere to be seen.

‘I’ll see you around, Gun’, Off smiled at him one last time, escaping through the night as he walked towards the gate leading to the garage, leaving Gun by himself in the dark.

Off was gone, but Gun still couldn’t move. His eyes were glued down at the clear blue water below him, lit up by the pool lights. His eyes scanned around, trying to look for the gold ring, his heart still racing as the replayed the action in his mind, seeing Off throw it over and over again. Before he could even think about it, he took one more step, falling into the pool, letting the chlorine sting his nose as he opened his eyes, looking for the ring.

His suit was heavy, he had to take off his blazer and shoes as he dove deeper into the pool, holding his breath for as long as he can as he felt his hands finally feel the bottom. He couldn’t last longer than three minutes, but he stayed down, feeling the tiles until his fingertips felt the bump of something else, picking it up and swimming back up.

He took a long gasp of air, his lungs being filled with oxygen as he wiped his face, spitting out the water in his mouth. He was floating in the middle of the pool with Off’s ring in the palm of his hands, alone as he listened to the muffled noises of conversation and music.

But he also heard the sound of engines starting and he knew that was Off. He quickly swam to the end of the pool, loosening his tie as he dragged himself out, letting the water soak the garden tiles as he ran towards the garage, his buttons loose and cloths heavy and sticking to his skin.

‘Off!’, he shouted, passing through the dozens of cars parked outside their friends’ home, ‘Off!’, he kept on shouting, spinning around as he tried to look for his car, ‘Off Jumpol!’, he raced out of the front porch, running in his soaked socks to the end of the street where he saw Off’s car driving away.

He stood in the middle of the road with water dripping from his hair, calling out his name again and begging him to stop, but the car kept going, getting smaller and smaller until it disappeared from his view.


	19. Eighteen.

**Two Weeks Before the Meeting**

Gun walked back into the living room soaking wet whilst everyone was busy making small talks and listening to the music which played old songs from the 2010s. It was stupid, the music was too loud and they kept on playing Bedroom Audio as if they were still in high school. He was sober, but he felt drunk, his vision blurred as his head began to spin. He was cold the moment he stepped inside and felt the air conditioning.

‘Woah, darling, are you okay?’, New’s mother was the first to find him, walking absentmindedly into the room, everyone too busy talking to notice him.

‘I’m okay’, he murmured, trying to get away, but New’s mum already had her hands on his cheeks, wiping the water out of his face and coming back his hair.

‘Darling, you’re not okay’, she said again with a worried expression on her face. It felt so annoying and Gun didn’t want to be friendly anymore.

‘What the hell happened to you?’, Tay asked as soon as he turned to look at them. By this point, Gun’s presence was already made known as the room quietened down, looking at him as if he was an animal in a zoo.

‘Gun?’, he heard Jay’s voice, the man pushing everyone just to get to him, ‘are you okay?’, as he looked down, he saw Gun’s shirt shirt still wet and sticking to his skin. He took off his jacket, wrapping it around him and rubbing his shoulders to keep him warm, but he stepped back, trying to avoid Jay from touching him.

‘Enough’, Gun whispered, taking of Jay’s jacket and giving it back to him, ‘I’m fine’

‘New, darling, do you have any spare clothes for Gun? Look, he’s soaking’

‘Mrs Techaapaikhun, thank you for worrying, but I think I can handle this myself’, Gun turned back to New’s mum with the fakest smile he could pull, ‘I think I’ll go home’

‘Gun, come on, I’ll take you upstairs instead. Maybe we can talk about why you’re soaking wet’, New followed his mother’s orders, walking over to his friend and holding his wrist. He was about to lead Gun out of the living room and towards the stairs when Gun pulled away.

‘You wanna know what happened?’, Gun shouted at him, his voice raised and louder than the music playing, ‘My husband just left me. I mean, properly left me’, he reaching out from his pocket and pulled out Off’s ring which rested on his wet palm, ‘And he threw this in the pool in the process’

He didn’t look at the crowd, but he could tell they were shocked, whispering amongst themselves when they looked at the ring.

‘Gun, what did we warn you?’, Tay rushed beside New, whispering at Gun, ‘Do not make this about you’

‘I’m not making this about me’, Gun retorted back, pushing Tay, ‘None of this has ever been about me. Even in my own damn marriage has never been about me’

‘Gun, we can listen to you bitch and moan, but not today’, Tay walked back to him, ‘Frank is in the room and so are our parents. So please, for the love of God, don’t do anything stupid’

‘You know what, lucky you’, Gun hissed back at him, pointing a finger to his face, ‘You and your beautiful family and your parents who you only need to whine to, to get what you fucking what’

‘Come on Gun, calm down’, New whispered, pulling him back again, but despite his height, Gun was stronger than New.

‘You just love seeing me like this. You love watching me and Off fall apart knowing that you weren’t going through it. You show off about your stupid job that you didn’t even work for and was given to you by your dad’

‘Gun, I said enough’

‘And you New’, Gun shouts at his friend, ‘You think you’re being nice to me but I know how you talk about me when I’m not there. You’re just like your husband – in fact – you’re a carbon copy. It’s like you can’t fucking breathe without Tay there. And it’s probably because he was the only person who gave you any attention because your parents were too busy caring about what other people think than to care about their son. Isn’t that why the two of you couldn’t even move in together? Because your parents didn’t want people to know their son was gay?’

He turned back and glared at New’s parents who stood awkwardly behind him, looking back and forth to him and his son.

‘Gun! Come on, of all people to be mad to, you’re gonna be mad at them?’, Arm shouted, clearly getting sick of the argument and leaving his wife for a moment, ‘Why aren’t you angry at yourself for clearly not understanding. Or are you just gonna jump in conclusion and blame everyone but yourself again?’

‘Oh, are you still hung up about what I did in high school?’, Gun scoffed, crossing his arm and glaring up at Arm, ‘It’s been ten years, get the fuck over it’

‘Now hold on Gun. He’s got a point’, Jane joined in, ‘You do tend not to own up to your mistakes. And in this case, you’ve made a lot of them’

‘Okay fine. I’ll own up to it’, Gun shouted back, ‘I’m sorry Arm for accusing you of cheating once in high school. I’m sorry Alice for telling you without asking him because I thought he was going to lie and deny because that’s all men do. I’m sorry New for losing contact with you even though it was you who never bothered to care about me once you started dating Tay. And I’m sorry to New’s parents. I don’t know what I’m sorry for since all I told was the truth, but apparently that’s impolite’

Gun turned to where Jay was, who was still standing beside him with his jacket in his hands, ‘And Jay, I’m sorry for using you. I’m sorry for being desperate to feel what I felt when I was with Off. It wasn’t fair and you don’t deserve that’

‘No, it’s okay’, Jay whispered, ‘I shouldn’t have overstepped my boundaries’

‘No’, Gun shook his head, ‘No, I’m apologising for before. I’ve always loved Off, even when I first met you. I just hadn’t realised it yet. I’m sorry. And now I’m dragging you into this mess when you clearly don’t deserve it. It’s not fair on you and I don’t deserve that song you wrote for me, because we’ve never been on the same page. I’ve always been rushing, flipping onto the next chapter in hopes that I’d find Off there again and during the empty pages, I’d just fill them with people who I thought could replace him’

‘And… Was I just one of them?’

‘I’m sorry’

‘So much for not making this about P’Gun’, Frank murmured to himself, raising his brow as Gun turned to stare at him.

‘I’m sorry Frank’, Gun said to him, ‘You wasted so much of your time listening to my problems when I should’ve been listening to yours’

The crowd was dead silent at this point, the music only a fault background noise to the tension that grew and deafened the room.

‘And if Off was here…’, Gun began, but when he looked around the room, he found Off’s absence grow stronger, ‘I would say I’m sorry for expecting too much on one man. And that I shouldn’t have projected unrealistic expectations on him’

‘You didn’t set unrealistic expectations on him’, Mild pointed out, ‘You set a timer on a person who already thought he was a ticking bomb. That’s all Off needed, some time, yet you rushed everything as if you couldn’t offer that to him. Well, now the timer that _you_ set is about to go off. Own up to that at least’

‘Fine. I own up to it all’, Gun took a step back, clenching his fist and feeling Off’s ring inside his hand, ‘And I’m owning up the fact that I totally ruined this night. I’m sorry everybody. I’ll just leave’, he turned to the corridor, heading to the front door as he grabbed his car keys, slamming the door shut and walking in his socks.

He didn’t care if he left Jay all alone in his friends’ house, he didn’t care if New’s parents officially hated him or if everyone thought he was an overdramatic bitch. He couldn’t stop replaying the words he said to Off when he saw him sitting by the pool.

‘What were we thinking?’, he whispered to himself as he slammed his car door shut, leaning his head on the steering wheel, ‘What were we thinking?’

_I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you._

He could still hear Off’s voice in his head over and over again.

_‘So, what were you thinking?’_

Gun lifted his head up, turning his view over to the passenger seat where Off was seated, fully suited and dry unlike him.

‘Thinking about what?’

‘What were you thinking when you married me?’, the figment stared at him as if it was real and Gun couldn’t help but feel as though he was.

‘What was I thinking?’, Gun repeated the question. He couldn’t even fall back on alcohol since he didn’t drink any tonight, so he didn’t know why he was having this conversation in his car alone, ‘I wasn’t thinking of anything. I was only thinking of you’

‘And? What were your thoughts on me?’, Off smiled at him in amusement, as if loving the state he was currently in.

‘I thought you were the only man I would ever marry’, Gun replied, sitting up and turning the heat on, desperate to get dried up, ‘Because I didn’t see myself with anyone else’

‘And how about now?’, he asked, ‘Do you see yourself with me?’

‘I don’t know’, Gun whispered, looking down at his hands and slipping Off’s ring on his finger. But it kept on sliding down. Off’s hand’s were bigger than his, so he couldn’t even keep the ring on him without it slipping off.

‘So, you don’t see yourself with me?’

‘I don’t see you anymore, that’s the problem’, Gun was about to turn his gaze back to Off only to find an empty passenger seat. He realised how stupid be was for talking to himself and he bumped his head on the steering wheel again in utter frustration.

* * *

_Off heard the squeak of the old door as he swung it open, letting the sun shine on his skin when he made it to the rooftop. He had enough of hearing Tay whine about class and watch Arm make goo-goo eyes over Alice on the other side of the canteen, so he ditched the remaining fifteen minutes of lunch to spend some time for himself in a place where no one can find him._

_He would usually be greeted with emptiness, the rooftop for himself to play around with, but he would usually lay down on the bench pressed against the edge, sleeping until he hears the bell ring._

_But instead, he found out that he’s not alone._

_He saw someone sleeping on his bench and when he stepped closer, he realised it was the short boy who always sat at the front and gave him stink eyes when it was time to find out the results of their tests._

_‘Gun Atthaphan’, he called out to the boy, sleeping soundlessly. He looked peaceful just like this, not at all like his usual loud personality always accusing him of cheating or commenting on how immature he was during homeroom, Even though he called his name, the boy kept sleeping and Off had no other choice but to stand beside him, suing his shadow for Gun’s shade, blocking the sunlight from hitting his face._

_‘Mhhm’, Gun stirred, squinting his eyes for a second, looking up at him and turning, ‘What’re you doing here?’_

_You’re in my space’_

_‘Really?’, Gun’s voice was croaky from the sleep, ‘I don’t see your name on it’_

_‘Ah, so smart’, Off snickered, putting his hands in his pockets as he sat on the ground beside the bench, letting the hot cement burn his legs as he crossed it, ‘So, what brings you here?’_

_‘I just wanted a place to sleep’, Gun replied, turning to his side so he could stare at Off, ‘Are you gonna bitch about it or are you gonna leave me alone?’_

_‘Maybe I could offer you something better’, Off smirked._

_‘What?’, Gun whispered, resting his cheeks on his hands._

_‘Close your eyes’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘So I can kiss you’, he replied, and for a moment, he was scared that the boy was going to shout at him like he usually does when he jokes about, but when Gun closed his eyes and pouted his lips, he couldn’t help but laugh at how cute he looked._

_And for a moment, he was crazy to lean in, closing his own eyes as he anticipated something soft press against his lips-_

‘Jesus Christ!’, he shouted as soon as he felt something wet, a cup of water splashed on his face as he was forced back to reality, ‘What is wrong with you?!’, he shouted as he sat up from the floor, wiping his face with his blazer and blowing the water out of his nose.

‘What’s wrong with me? I should be asking what’s wrong with you’, Neen said as she crossed her arm, holding the empty cup whilst looking down at her brother who crashed in her new apartment in the middle of the night, ‘You came in my apartment without warning’

‘Technically this is my apartment. I paid for it’, Off replied, still in his suit, his white shirt unbuttoned as he looked up to find his sister glaring at him.

‘The apartment is under my name’, Neen growled, kicking his leg, walking back to the kitchen, ‘I made breakfast, join me if you’re hungry’

Off shook his head, still a little shock from the water splashing curtsy of his stupid sister. He didn’t think he could get used to having a sibling, but he could already tell they’ve fallen under the dynamic of the little one pissing the older one off just for pure entertainment. Instead of being angry, he just stood up and stretched his limbs, his muscles aching from sleeping on the floor since his sister hasn’t bought a sofa for the apartment yet.

He swung the kitchen door open and the smell of something amazing left him frozen for a second. He looked across the table, seeing plates of different food, from simple fried eggs to crushed avocados on sourdough bread, but they all looked fucking good.

‘Woah, you’re gonna eat all this by yourself?’

‘Of course, not’, Neen rolled her eyes and chuckled at Off’s reaction, ‘I’m experimenting on a brunch menu

‘Brunch?’, Off snickered, ‘In a night market street?’

‘Like I said. I’m thinking about opening during the day. I don’t wanna spend my nights catering to drunk men. I’ve had enough of that in Phuket’, she explained, passing a plate of food to him, ‘You should come visit when it opens’

‘You know I’ll be in London by then’, Off said again, digging into the meal and nodded in approval as soon as the flavour hits. The food was great.

‘You can’t spare a day off to visit your sister’s restaurant opening day?’

‘Yeah, because I have the time to take a day off and jump on a twelve hour flight just to visit you’

‘What? You did it once didn’t you?’, Neen joked, winking at him as she passed him a bottle of orange juice, chuckling when she felt him poke her arm in annoyance. They shared a peaceful morning despite Off being a chaotic mess and Neen being a busy body. They stayed in silence whilst Neen continued cooking and Off ate her food.

‘You know you sleep talk’, Neen finally broke their silence as she finished her last meal, a typical English breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, baked beans and sausages that she made for herself, sitting in front of Off.

‘Really?’, Off furrowed his brows, ‘I don’t think I ever slept talked before’

‘Well, you kept on repeating the same thing over and over again’, Neen laughed, ‘Like you were praying’

‘What was I saying?’

‘Close your eyes’, Off stiffened a little, his smile fading before he finished off the last of his meal.

‘You kept on saying Gun’s name too’, she added on, biting on the bacon and watching his expression. See, Off has been raised to be good at hiding his emotions, but Neen was raised how to read them, so it was easy for her to pick up Off’s feelings just by the way he slumped his shoulders down, ‘Are you really gonna divorce him?’

‘Call it karma’

‘But you did nothing wrong’, Neen reminded him, ‘I told you before, I’m not gonna hold you against something your mum did. That’s not karma’

‘It’s not that’, Off whispered, ‘It’s karma for making his life miserable in high school’

‘Oh yeah’, Neen nodded, ‘You didn’t get along right?’

‘No’, Off laughed, ‘We did not. And along the way, I enjoyed tormenting him a little. Even though he would start all of the fight, I would push him over the edge just for the fun of it’

‘God, you’re a dick’, Neen laughed, stealing his drink, ‘How did he fall in love with you?’

‘I ask the same question every fucking day’, Off snickered, ‘Even back then I wasn’t sure. I thought to myself, how could someone like Gun Atthaphan like someone like me? It kept me up all night and I concluded that he couldn’t have loved me… So, I left’

‘Are you sure you leaving might be a good idea?’, Neen asked him curiously, ‘I mean I have no idea how someone like Gun, who’s a wealthy and respected property lawyer, would ever fall in love with you, but it looks like he has. And it doesn’t look like he stopped either’

‘You don’t know what you’re talking about, Neen’, Off sighed, looking down at his empty plate, ‘He’s over it all. Marriage isn’t his thing anymore’

‘Look, I know I told you marriages are overrated, and I still think I do’, she reiterated the last bit as she got up to place the dishes on the dishwasher, ‘But… I don’t know. Maybe I find it a little beautiful that you were raised around shitty people with shitty marriages yet you still found someone who could change your mind about it. It’s hard for someone who’d seen the hurt and still choose the same path unless they’re with someone they trust. I still haven’t met that person yet’

‘You don’t need to meet that person. I think you’re capable of amazing things on your own’, Off smiled at her as he helped her with the dishes.

Neen liked Gun. She also thought Off and Gun might not be over yet, but despite all the persuading she tried, Off’s decision was set in stone and it looked like he wasn’t going to budge. So, she had no choice but to drop the subject, hoping that Off would make the right decision.

* * *

**One Week Before the Meeting**

Gun went back to work as if everything was normal. But inside, he was a fucking mess. The house was large and empty without Off, the huge space in his closet was intangibly painful for him to even look at, making it hard for him to get ready.

How did Off do this everyday? To hide his emotions and pretend like he didn’t have any, because he nearly broke down when Pluem knocked on his office door just to tell him good morning. He wanted to cry to Pluem and ask him why he was getting a divorce and why he had to read an e-mail so early in the morning confirming the date of their meeting.

He never usually spend all his time in the office, but today, he didn’t want to see any of his colleagues. But he knew they were going to start wondering if he doesn’t come out, so he decided to head to the break room to make himself coffee. He walked past the Junior lawyers and interns, nodding and making small conversations before finding himself hidden in the coffee room, leaning on the table and waiting for the coffee to brew with his arms folded.

‘Hey, have you heard from the department above?’, he listened into other people’s conversation, hiding behind the fridge.

‘You mean the divorce lawyers? They’re always gossiping about their clients. They’re the most unprofessional’

‘Yeah, I know, but I heard one of them got hired recently. And guess who their client is?’

‘Who?’

‘Off Jumpol’

‘I recognise that name’

‘Me too. When I asked around, someone told me that was the name of Mr Phunsawat’s husband’

‘Gun Atthaphan?! No way. He’s the man who was dancing with him during the dinner event?’

‘Yeah. I was almost jealous at how happy they were, but I guess there’s cracks underneath every painting’

‘So, are they getting a divorce?’

‘Looks like it’

‘Shit. And here I thought Mr Phunsawat had a perfect life’

Gun leaned his head back on the fridge, waiting for them to look the room as he shamelessly hid away from them. The coffee machine had already finished heating up, but he couldn’t find the courage to reach out his hand and grab his coffee. He felt wasted and tarnished. If they were already talking about it, then it wouldn’t be long till the whole floor knows and he’ll have eyes stuck to him like glue, staring at him whilst they wait for his reaction.

He didn’t know how Off could do it. Keep a straight face and handle everything calmly, but he was starting to get annoyed at how bad he was at it. When he heard the door close and the talking stop, he finally gained the courage to grab his coffee, quickly walking out of the break room towards his office. Maybe he was overthinking, but he already felt the eyes on him, burning his skin and making the back of his head throb as he rushed to his office, leaning on the door as he shut it.

He’s barely in his thirties and he’s already going to be a divorcee. What a sad life that he chose for himself.

* * *

**Five Days Before the Meeting**

Off spent his last week showing the reins to the new guy who was five years older than him so it was odd being addressed as a Senior and followed around by someone older, but he managed to teach him the ropes and hopefully he’ll settle right in.

‘This will be your office soon. Once I get my stuff out, it’ll be more spacious’, Off informed as finished showing his office, opening the door and ushering his replacement back to the PR department of the company, ‘If you have any more questions, don’t be afraid to throw it at me’

‘I guess this isn’t a question, but more of an advice’

‘What is it?’, Off asked, urging the man to continue as they walk towards the lifts.

‘You’re known in the industry as someone who’s good at diffusing the situation, especially if the talent is getting out of control. What advice can you give me?’

‘Well it’s simple really’, Off nodded, looking at the man who was wearing a well pressed suit, his hair gelled back and tie pinned to his shirt, ‘You treat them like a person. I don’t call them talents, I call them by their preferred pronouns because they’re people not puppets. They work in an industry which idolises them, so sometimes they forget what it’s like to be a person, so you gotta keep pulling them back down to reality just in case they fly too far off’

‘Wow, I never really thought about that’, the man nodded, ‘I just thought they were spoilt’

‘Oh, they are’, Off nodded in agreement, ‘I never said they weren’t going to be brats. I’m just saying one of the reasons why they act like brats is because everyone stopped treating them like people. Good luck for you though, a lot of the artists signed under this company are irritable at best’

‘But they all seem to like you’, he chuckled, ‘It’ll be hard to fill in your shoes’

‘I’m sure you’ll do a great job’

* * *

‘Great job my ass’, Mild whined as she walked with Off to the break room, ‘I heard from the previous company he worked at that he was strict as fuck. He’s one of those by the books kinda guy. I hate men like that’

‘You hate men period’. Off snickered, ‘I’m sure he’ll do fine. His resume was perfect for this’

‘Your resume can’t prepare you with handling people’, Mild said, ‘That comes with talent on knowing how to read the room’

‘Don’t criticise him before you’ve seen him work’, Off warned her, pointing a finger to her face as he went back to his office to pack the rest of his stuff. Most of his belongings were already packed away in boxes, scheduled to be shipped to London after he confirmed his purchase of an apartment close to Fulham in West London. The rest of the stuff left are the things he didn’t intend of taking with him, packing them in charity boxes.

‘Gun spent the night at our place the other day’, Mild pointed out as she sat on one of the beanbag chairs by his office, watching him pack up his desk, ‘He thought you were staying at mine’s’, she noticed how Off wouldn’t reply to her whenever she mentioned Gun, ‘He made a mess during the party as well. Started calling out people one by one. He even attacked New’s parents. Can you believe it?’, Mild chuckled a bit, ‘He wasn’t even drunk’

‘Well, he’s in his rights to act however he wants’, Off finally replied, ‘He’s always been expressive when it comes to his feelings’

‘And you? You’re not gonna have one conversation with him?’

‘I will’, Off replied, closing the box and looking down at the small frame of Gun that was still on his desk, ‘We’ll talk in the settlement meeting’

‘You’re fucking brutal’, Mild whistled, clicking her tongue and staring at her friend, ‘Not one meal before signing those divorce papers?’

‘What would I talk to Gun about? Hey, sorry for wasting three years of your life, but I’m enjoying this sushi, do you wanna split the bill or shall I take it?’

‘Is that all you wanna say to Gun before you leave?’, Mild raised a disbelieving brow, clicking her tongue again, ‘Because once you leave, you won’t be able to talk to him again. And _if_ you come back, who knows if he’s already moved on with someone else? You’re only twenty-nine right now, you’ve still got a lot of time to fall in love and start a new family’

‘I guess we’re lucky in that sense’, Off sighed, grabbing the small frame and looking at Gun’s photo, seeing how young he was, ‘Thank God I didn’t waste too much of his time’

‘Ten years’, Mild whispered, ‘He’s loved you for ten years but it’ll only take a day for you to break his heart’

‘Six months’, Off turned to her, ‘It took him six months to break my heart. One day won’t kill him’

* * *

**Four Days Before the Meeting**

Gun was scheduled to meet with Neen and he walked in his office with wandering eyes greeting him. At this point, the rumours have already spread through out their department and he wanted to curl himself up into a ball and hide from everyone.

Pluem doesn’t even greet him in the morning like he usually does anymore and the break room might as well be hell for him. He decided to pack his food and eat in office so he doesn’t have to hear their whispers.

This was the problem with everyone thinking that you had the perfect job. When reality hits, the impact is worse. How can someone who had a perfect job, marriage and life could suddenly plummet into a vortex of absolute fuckery within a matter of seconds.

‘Hey, your client is here’, Pluem knocked on his office door, awkwardly bowing his head as he ushered Neen in. Gun looked up from his screen. She looked nothing like Off and if he didn’t know, he would never think the two of them would be closely related.

‘Hello’, he faked a smile at her, looking over his drawers for her files.

‘Hey’, Neen smiled, sitting on the chair in front of his desk, ‘Your office is big’

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, not waning to make small talk, ‘I guess we’re here to talk about the finalisation of the restaurant. We’ve surveyed the building and found no health and safety violations, so renovations can begin. Since you’re a small business, there’s not a lot of paperwork for us to do, so we could get all of this done by next week. The building will officially be yours and Off in no time’

‘Oh, and can we put another owner in?’, Neen interrupted him before he could print the contract, making Gun look at her, ‘Is that possible?’

‘It depends’, Gun informed, ‘For a small building like this, two people are already more than enough, but unless that person is family then it would be unadvisable for you to share ownership in case of future disputes’

‘I was hoping to put your name down too’, she said again, forcing him to stop talking, tilting his head in confusion.

‘Excuse me?’

‘Well, you’re already my lawyer and brother in law. I thought it’ll make sense if your name is under the contract too’

‘I’m getting divorced in five days’, Gun said, clicking his pen manically. This was the first time he’d said it aloud, ‘I won’t be family, so like I said, it would be wrong of me to encourage you to put my name under for the building’

‘Well, Off would need an excuse to come back, wouldn’t he?’, Neen smiled at him and those same words had his skin crawling, a sense of déjà vu hitting the back of his head for some odd reason, ‘I’m planning on making him come back once I finally open my restaurant and if the building in under your name too, it’s common courtesy to visit the open day’

‘It’ll take six months of renovation and approval of your restaurant under the food regulations organisation until you can open’, Gun pointed out, ‘I’m only a property lawyer, but I suggest you get yourself someone who knows how to deal with that’

‘Six months’, Neen nodded, ‘That’s how long his contract is in London. I think it’s perfect timing’

‘Mild said it could take up to a year and even an offer of a permanent position’, Gun corrected her, ‘I wouldn’t hold it down on him coming back’

‘Didn’t he come back for you?’, Off’s sister tilted her head and combed back her long hair, ‘I heard he came back to Thailand’

‘He didn’t come back for me’

‘Are you sure about that?’

‘His family problems are what drove him back here. His actions has nothing to do with me’

‘It seems like it has everything to do with you’, Neen stood her ground, looking at him with sharp eyes, ‘Think of it as a third person’s perspective, but I don’t think my brother is a pussy to just run off back to Thailand just because he’s scared of his mother. He came back for someone else too’

‘I’m sorry, Off might be your brother, but I’ve known him for a decade. I think I’d know better than to say he would come back to Thailand for a boy he wasn’t even in a relationship with at the time’

‘Okay, it’s your judgement over mine’, Neen shrugged, letting it go, ‘But I still want your name under the restaurant’

‘And I’ll have to decline’, Gun replied, ‘I’m not part of the Adulkittiporn family anymore’

‘That’s a shame. I was starting to like you’

* * *

**Three Days Before the Meeting**

Gun parked his car outside of his mum’s house, breathing in as he counted to three. He had texted his mum that he was going to get a divorce, but he had been ignoring her calls and messages. He didn’t know whether to be pissed or understanding that his mother knew about Off’s sister but decided to keep it hidden from him.

He could never be mad at his mother, but in this case, he didn’t know if the moment he saw her he was going to start screaming. He’s never been one to keep his emotions in, no matter how hard he tried.

**_Three Days._ **

He was no longer able to call Off his husband in three days time.

A small tap on the window brought him back to reality and he quickly turned down his window when he saw an old lady waving at him.

‘Are you Miss Phunsawat’s son?’, she said, her voice gentle and slow and when Gun nodded, she grinned brightly.

‘Look how much you’ve grown’, she said, ‘I’m Dao, I live right next to your house’

‘Oh, hello’, Gun smiled, remembering the old lady from when he lived in his mum’s house. She kept of herself and he never say her out and about socialising with the rest of the neighbourhood. But out of respect, he turned off his car engine, getting out of the car and bowing his head to her, ‘How are you’

‘I’m well sweetheart. I just got back from grocery shopping’, she informed, lifting up the bags of food she was carrying, ‘Actually, I know this is rude of me, but do you mind helping me with the bags? My grandson came over to help me fix my attic and my whole house is a mess’

‘Yeah, of course’, Gun nodded, almost too enthusiastically as he delayed his meet up with his mum, grabbing her shopping bags and walking over to the other house beside his.

Miss Dao wasn’t lying when she said her house was a mess, dust was everywhere whilst piles of old boxes were scattered around the living room, making their way to the kitchen and hallways too. Gun had to jump around, almost tripping over himself as he made is way to the fridge, helping Miss Dao stock up her drawers and freezer with the groceries.

‘I’m sorry darling for the mess. My grandson went out to buy some more tape. Looks like I’ll be donating a few of my stuff do declutter my house’

‘That’s alright’, Gun smiled at her, looking at the opened boxes. Some were stained and aged, falling apart if you even touch it. He wondered how long some of these stuff were kept hidden in the attic. Whilst Miss Dao was fixing him something to drink, he couldn’t help but look at the smaller boxes laying on the dining table. There was an old wooden box of jewellery and bubble wrapped figurines that he couldn’t stop looking at. But what really took his attention was a small box of letters that were all stained from the rain and moss.

‘Are these old letters?’, Gun asked, flicking through the opened envelopes.

‘Yes darling’, Miss Dao looked behind to what Gun was staring at, ‘Some of them are old letters my husband used to write to me when he was away. Some are just letters sent to the wrong address I guess’

Gun saw her name handwritten in some envelope, old ink blotched across the brown paper. He felt butterflies at the thought of receiving a handwritten letter. No one does it anymore.

There were some letters with someone else’s name on it, but it was sent to the wrong address, there were also some letters belonging to previous owners of the house dating back to almost three decades ago.

And then there was one letter, small compared to the rest, addressed to him.

He had to do a double take, flipping back to the envelope which was unopened and completely sealed, stained with age but had his name written perfectly at the centre.

He quickly turned to look at Miss Dao, stealing the letter and hiding it in his pockets whilst quickly closing the box.

‘Miss Dao, I think I better head back to my mum. She’s expecting me’, Gun called back to her.

‘Oh, okay darling. Sorry for taking too much of your time’

‘It’s okay’, Gun replied, saying his goodbyes as he rushed out of the front door, ripping open the letter that had his name written on it but was addressed to the wrong house. He couldn’t even begin to conclude who it was from, but when he saw the stamp by the edge of the envelop, with Queen Elizabeth’s side profile at the centre, he knew where it was from and his heart began to race erratically.

_To: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat_

_Hello. I don’t know if you remember me, but it’s Off. Off Jumpol Adulkittiporn. We used to go to high school together. I’m sure you still remember me; it’s only been two years since we graduated. I heard from a friend that if you’ve been apart more than you’ve been together, it’s more likely for the other person to forget about you. We’ve known each other since the first year of high school, so that makes it five years and we’ve only been apart for nearly three years. It means, in one and a half years’ time, you probably won’t remember me._

_It seems like I’m always racing against time with you. To be honest, I haven’t thought much about you these past couple of years, but when I was arguing with my mum, your voice suddenly popped in my mind. It was so sudden and vague at the same time; I didn’t know it was yours until I was trying to sleep. You were asking if I had any reasons to stay in Thailand and I remembered telling you no. I was lying to myself. I did have a reason. Would it sound too cheesy if I said it was you? Either way, that’s the truth._

_Anyway, I just felt like I needed to get that out of my chest because I didn’t know I’ve been hiding it. After a few adjustments, I ended up getting used to living in London and I think I might settle down here and find a job after college. It’s fun here, probably because my friends are a good distraction._

_In reality, it’s suffocating. Especially with my mum. I don’t know why she hates me, and sometimes I wish she told me so I can apologise or fix things. It’s probably something to do with my dad, but why did I have to be in the middle of it? I always wondered that. I also wondered why she wanted me to leave with her to London if she wasn’t going to take care of me. I didn’t know until I realised, I looked so much like my dad, especially when he was young, so she probably just had an innate feeling of hatred towards me. Just what did my dad do to make her hate him so much?_

_Sorry for telling you all of this. I just wanted to let it all out to someone and I didn’t know who. Anyway, I hope you get this._

_Off Jumpol._

He got the wrong address. Off Jumpol got his address wrong and as a result, this letter had been wasting its years unopened in someone else’s attic. Off had tried to reach out to him much like he did after he graduated college.

_I have a feeling he came back for someone else._

Neen’s words raced in his mind as soon as he read the letter again, leaning on the brick wall which separated his house from Miss Dao, looking at Off’s messy handwriting that seemed to never change.

‘Gun, darling, are you here?’, he heard his mum walking out from the front door after she saw his car parked outside her house, looking around for him. Gun felt his cheeks burn up, his eyes tinging from the sudden rush of tears which spilt from his eyes as he folded the letter back up, turning to stare at his mum.

‘Mum’, he called out to her, his voice broken and quiet. His mum immediately saw him, her heart breaking as she race to embrace her son.

‘Darling, you’re gonna be okay’

‘I don’t want Off to leave me’, he cried into her chest, his voice muffled, ‘I don’t want him to leave me again’

It seemed like they have always tried to reach for each other, but life kept on fucking them up.

* * *

**Two Days Before the Meeting.**

‘Hey dad’, Off waved at his old man as he knocked on his door for the first time since they’re last fight.

‘Off’, he breathed out, as if relieved his son still calls him that.

‘I assume you’ve heard from Miss Phunsawat that I’m getting a divorce’, he said, leaning on his doorframe, refusing to step inside his home. He didn’t want to stay for long, but no matter how much he wanted to hate his dad, he decided that it was in his rights to know what’s going to happen to him after the divorce.

‘Off, I think you still have time to change your mind. Gun is-’

‘I accepted a job in London’, Off interrupted him before he can play saint again, ‘I’m gonna move to clear my head. I don’t think it’s good for me to stay here’

‘Son, I-’

‘I’m not gonna hold anything against you anymore’, Off replied, ‘I wanna hate you, but… You look guilty enough so I guess I have no choice but to forgive you’, he rarely wanted to be the bigger person and for months he vowed he’d never talk to his dad again. But his mum showed no remorse and he was ready to make excuses for her, but his dad, who he saw clearly tried to fix their relationship also deserved some leverage, even if he was the one who started the whole mess, ‘I promise to keep in contact with you’

‘You don’t have to. You can hate me’, his dad replied, ‘I accepted the fact that you would’

‘Well, you helped me with my wedding and bought me a house. I can’t be mad at you’, Off sighed. Despite his decision to forgive, he knew he wasn’t going to forget and whatever relationship they had built for the past four years crumbled and burnt to the ground. And he hated the fact that they would never be able to fix it. There was no hope between them anymore, ‘I kept in contact with my sister by the way. She moved to Bangkok and is opening up her restaurant here. Her apartment’s only forty minutes away from this place’

Off passed his dad a folded note with Neen’s address on it. She was probably going to kill him for telling their dad of her whereabouts, but just because he didn’t have a chance to rebuild his relationship with his dad, doesn’t mean she doesn’t either. If she had the heart to forgive him, maybe she’ll understand that he wanted to provide for her but his mother didn’t allow him.

‘She’s has a tough attitude, but she seems nice’, Off informed him, reaching his hand out to squeeze his dad’s shoulder, ‘She has no one, so maybe she might be open to having a dad’

‘Off, I don’t know what to say…’

‘Treat her well’, he smiled at his old man, ‘She sounds tough, but she isn’t as tough as me’

‘You don’t have to leave. You have so many people who care about you here’, his dad called out, wanting Off to stay inside his house and tell him everything that’s been on his mind, but he didn’t raise Off like that – in fact – he didn’t raise Off at all, and the disconnect between them was too wide for them to start now.

‘I need this’, Off said to him, ‘And, if I ever heal from everything, maybe I’ll come back. Who knows’

‘Running away isn’t healing’

‘Staying is worse’

* * *

**One Day Before the Meeting**

New rushed in Gun’s office. This was the first time he’d visited him at work and he was confused how easy it was to walk in without much security. But he didn’t have time to ponder about the rules of someone else’s job, he rushed to the lifts, trying to remember which floor Gun worked and hoping he was still in his office.

‘Excuse me’, he turned to the first person he saw walking, ‘But, do you know where Gun Atthaphan’s office is?’

‘Do you have an appointment?’, the woman asked, closing her files and staring at him.

‘No, I’m his friend. I need to see him’

‘Oh, well it’s working hours. I’m afraid you can’t see him unless you have an appointment’

‘You don’t understand. I kinda need to talk to him now’, New rolled his eyes, being given such a cookie cutter bullshit reply, ‘Just tell me where his office is and-’

‘New? What the hell?’

‘Gun!’, he sighed when he heard Gun’s voice calling out his name. He glanced at the end of the corridor, seeing Gun walking out with files in his hands and he rushed towards the boy, ‘I need to talk to you. It’s about Off’

Gun immediately froze at the mention of his name, looking around to where they stood, which was next to desks of junior lawyers and intern who could clearly hear their conversation.

‘New, we could talk about this some other day’

‘Some other day? You’re getting divorced tomorrow’, New scoffed, ‘And you should be thankful I’m still talking to you after what you pulled that night’

‘New, I’m sorry, but please, not when I’m working’, Gun hissed at him, lowering his voice in hopes that New could end the room and stop talking. But his friend’s never been the one to follow orders.

‘Off is leaving Thailand tomorrow’, New informed him, purposely raising him voice so everyone can hear him, ‘He’ll leave as soon as the signing is finished and he bought a one way ticket’

‘He’s leaving straight away?’, Gun’s face fell, ‘Did he tell you that?’

‘No, he told Tay’, New said, ‘Who obviously told me’

‘Okay, you don’t need to rub it on my face’, Gun bit back, trying to compose himself when he knew his colleagues were listening to him, ‘If that’s what he wants to do, then so be it’

‘Gun, we thought we still had a week to persuade Off, but now we don’t even have twenty-four hours’, New leaned his head back in frustration over how passive Gun was, ‘Do you seriously want him to leave?’

‘Of course, not!’, Gun finally raised his voice, glaring at his friend, ‘I don’t want Off to leave me, but what am I gonna do? Beg on my knees and ask him to stay?’

‘That could be a start’, New said, ‘Or does that hurt your pride too much?’, he’s always been passive if not caring when it came to Gun, but maybe his lack of push was the reason why Gun hadn’t been moving.

‘Why’re you still bitter about me bitching about your parents?’, Gun widened his eyes at how strong New was passing, ‘Because I’ve only repeated what you said to me’

‘No, you had a point’, New responded, ‘But I’m not here to tell you when to pick the times to bitch about my parents. I’m here to help you, because I’m your friend. I didn’t help you before but I can help you now. You don’t want Off to go, so don’t let him go’

* * *

‘Neen. He’s staying at Neen’s’, Tay said to him over the phone after work and Gun rushed to is car.

‘Hey, Gun’, Miss Tatchakorn called out his name before he made his way to the staff parking lot, ‘Can I talk to you for a second?’

‘What is it?’

‘About today’, she began and Gun knew he was going to get a lecture for New’s sudden outburst and he was prepared for it, ready to take whatever punishment given to him, ‘I spoke to Mrs Saeli and she agreed to be your husband’s lawyer’

‘I… Uh…’, when Gun expected a telling off, he was thrown off when his superior gave him an understanding look and a sweet talk instead.

‘I know we’re not allowed to talk about clients’ personally business, but… Mrs Saeli has never had a more unresponsive client before’

‘What’re you talking about?’

‘She was asking me for advice on how to persuade him to agree on a bigger settlement’, she went on, ‘You see, it doesn’t look like your husband wants to keep anything. He’s putting everything under your name, including your joint accounts’

‘What?’, Gun knew they shouldn’t be discussing a client’s case, let alone talking about their personal decisions over the matter and if someone heard them, they can get sued or even lose their job, so he didn’t know why his superior would tell him this information.

‘I like Off. I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but you don’t just find guys like him anymore’, she whispered, ‘And I know it’s none of my business, but after what he said to me at the dinner event, I think-’

‘The dinner event?’, Gun stopped her, ‘He spoke to you then?’, and when she nodded in response, he couldn’t help but feel curious, trying to remember the night, but Off was with him all night and he didn’t remember the two of them speaking, ‘When did the two of you speak?’

‘It was after the seminar. Everyone had checked into their rooms and I was at the bar getting my fair share for free drinks before heading to sleep’, she informed, ‘He was walking out of the hotel room so I asked him where he was going’

‘And what did he say?’

‘He said he needed to go because of a family emergency’, she said, ‘I asked him if you were gonna come with him but he said you were staying’

‘I supposed he didn’t tell you why’, Gun murmured but Miss Tatchakorn shook her head.

‘No, he told me he didn’t want to drag you into something as ugly as his situation’, she pointed out, ‘At first I was confused, wondering what family emergency he had that he didn’t want you to be part of, but then I realised, he was just scared’

‘Scared of what?’

‘Of losing you in the mix of it’, she tugged her hair behind her ears and looked at her watch, ‘I guess he thought by pushing you as far away from the mud, he’ll keep you clean. I don’t think the two of you are going to get divorced because of something stupid like an affair. I think the two of you expect something different from your marriages’

‘I don’t mind getting dirty, if it means I’ll be the one to get him out of the mud’, Gun confessed, ‘But he doesn’t want me near it’

‘And he has every reason not to’, she reached out and squeezed his shoulder, ‘People are most scared when they’re in love’

‘Because they’re scared of losing them?’

‘No, because they’re scared they’ll hurt the person they love’, she corrected him, ‘But it can’t be helped. We hurt people we love, either on purpose or by accident. All we could do is learn from our mistakes and hope that person will forgive us’

‘I need to go’, Gun said once he realised what time it was, the evening coming to a close, ‘Thanks for reaching out to me’, he nodded at his superior, rushing over to his car, turning on the engines and typing the address that Tay messaged him. He realised Neen’s apartment was close to the sea, close to their childhood hometown; Off probably wanted to keep Neen close to the place he most found happiness. For someone who only met his sister a couple of times, he was already treated her like a princess. He wondered if Off felt obliged to do so because of their current predicament or whether he felt Neen was the blessing that he got out of the shithole that was his family. Either way, Off would be leaving her behind when he flies to London tomorrow, unless he manages to persuade Off to stay.

* * *

The beach. If Gun truly knew Off, he wouldn’t go to Neen’s apartment. Instead, he drove to the beach they went to on their first date. He prayed that Off would find solace with the sand and winds, where the sky meets the ocean.

The sun was setting, leaving behind strong red painted across the sky, the clouds scarce and thin. It didn’t look like it was going to rain and when Gun parked his car by the side of the road, he could already see him, siting by the rocks with a beer in his hand. He saw his back, but it was enough for him to turn off the engines, rushing out of the car as he ran on the sand, letting his shoes sink in, leaving footprints behind.

‘Off!’, he shouted, feeling the heat from the setting sun, trapping it inside his work clothes. But he didn’t care, because when Off turned around, he felt his heart drop. He was wearing an old printed shirt tucked under his short.

‘Gun?’, Off stood up in shock, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘New said you were leaving tomorrow. Is that true?’

‘Tay really doesn’t know how to keep a secret’, Off bit his lip in annoyance. He knew Tay was going to blab his mouth to is husband, but he had specifically told him not to tell anyone.

‘Why?’, Gun asked, breathless from running, ‘Why do you have to leave?’

‘I need to breathe’

‘But why do you have to keep leaving?’, Gun kept on asking, his cheeks flushed red from running suddenly, ‘You did this before. If you stayed, we could’ve gone to college together… You would’ve been my first boyfriend. I wouldn’t have had to fuck around trying to look for you’

‘Firsts aren’t important’, Off told him, ‘They’re just someone who was lucky to experience you, but they’re not going to be your endgame’

‘Are you saying I’m not important to you?’

‘My first will always be unforgettable, because you’re unforgettable’, Off whispered, ‘But Gun, I think this is where our story together ends’

‘If you wanna divorce, then fine’, Gun said, but those words still cut through his skin even after he said it himself, ‘But don’t leave. Don’t run away from everyone else. They love you and they’re gonna miss you. I mean, you have a sister to take care of now’

‘I need to take care of myself and that’s not gonna happen if I stay here and have people remind me of everything I did wrong’, Off argued with him, but he stopped talking when he saw Gun begin to cry, hearing him sniffling as he tried to wipe the hot tears running down his cheeks. Gun had never been good at holding things in, so Off sighed and looked down at the sand, seeing the dents they’ve made and how it slowly disappeared when the waves came and cleared it, leaving behind a smooth surface between them.

‘Don’t leave’, Gun whispered between his cries, tugging at the end of his sleeves which were drenched with his tears, ‘I didn’t beg last time, but I’m begging you now’

‘You made my life’, Off murmured, his voice low and on the verge of breaking, ‘But I’m only a chapter in yours. I just hope that you’ll look back and say I was your favourite part’

‘You’re not my favourite part’, Gun replied, tears streaming down his face as he reached out and held Off’s fingers, ‘Because you’re not just a chapter. You’re my husband and I want you to write the rest of my life with me. Will you do that?’

‘Jay-’

‘Is not you’, Gun finished his sentence, ‘He’s not you’, he repeated until his voice broke, cheeks puffed red. But his eyes continued to look at Off.

‘And you need someone who’s not me’, his voice trickled down with regret, but he knew it was for Gun’s own good, ‘I’m not even good for me, let alone good for you’

‘I’ll help you. I promise I won’t push you anymore, I won’t judge you, I won’t-’

‘I have loved you’, Off interrupted him, reaching his hand out to rest his hand on Gun’s cheek, sliding his thumb across to wipe the new tears brimming in his eyes, ‘I’ve tried my best, but my best is not enough. You know that’

‘Then why did you marry me?’, Gun coughed out, barely audible with his voice disappearing.

‘Because I loved you’

‘Then why’re you leaving?’

‘Because I love you’, Gun pushed his hand away, taking a step back and wiping the last of his tears. He looked at Off who showed no signs of emotions or tears. But he remembered the way Off broke down in front of him. He knew Off was different from him, they’ve always been different from each other, conflicting personalities due to different perspective, but that was the reason why he started to like Off, because of how different he was. He didn’t know that would be the reason why they fell apart too.

‘Then close your eyes’, Gun whispered, letting the wind brush his hair back as he glared at Off.

‘What?’

‘Close your eyes and leave me’, Gun said again, his hands in a fist as he tried to grip at the air, forcing himself to stay where he was, ‘I don’t want you to see me when you leave’

‘Gun, I-’

‘I don’t want to be the last thing you see when you leave, so close your eyes and leave me now’, Gun repeated himself, raising his voice and pushing Off away, ‘Leave!’

New was stupid in thinking Gun could change Off’s mind. Gun was an idiot for thinking he was still important enough for the former to rethink his decision just for him. He left for London once and he could do it again, because Off’s decisions are always set in stone. Nothing could wash it off, not even Gun’s tears.

Gun closed his eyes instead, letting the sand into his shoes as he dug deeper, trying to keep still whilst he heard Off walk away. He didn’t wanna see his back turned to him, turning smaller until he disappeared. He didn’t have it in him to watch Off leave him for the last time with no promise of return.

The strong winds of the dying evening shattered the footsteps which he couldn’t here anymore and when he opened his eyes, Off was gone, along with his footprints which disappeared with each waves crashing to shore. Gun looked around, trying to find Off’s car or any inkling that the man was still here, but every piece of Off was gone and he didn’t even see where he went.

He felt another flood of tears trickle down his face, his knees landing on the sand has pressed his face on his hands, screaming the last bit of tears he had to cry for the boy who he loved for ten years.

* * *

**Day of the Meeting**

‘Off Jumpol will not be present for this meeting, but we have finalised his side of the agreement’, Mrs Saeli announced, sliding the revised contract at the centre of the table. Gun sat back on his chair with his lawyer beside him, staring at the empty chair facing him where Off should be.

His lawyer grabbed the contract, reading the agreement in shock.

‘The house will be under your name, all of your joint saving accounts will be transferred and merged into your individual account. Ownership of the dog is also given to you. It looks like he’s giving you everything’, his lawyer whispered to him, ‘I think you should just take it and sign the divorce papers’

‘Where is it?’, Gun asked, watching Mrs Saeli take out another file of documents from her briefcase. It was the same papers he slammed on Off’s desk six months ago. Once it reached his end, he grabbed the documents and flipped through to the last page. He grabbed his lawyers pen and quickly signed his name.

Gun was never a sentimental person, but when he looked down at his name signed beside his ex-husband’s in black ink, he realised just how much time they wasted. Three years, two months and one week. That was how long they loved each other, but like all things in the world, love rots and ends when time has had enough.


	20. Nineteen

**Day of the Meeting**

10.01 am.

‘Aren’t you supposed to be getting divorced?’, Neen asked whilst driving Off to the airport. He had already given her the keys to his car, giving her one more thing before he departs.

‘I told my lawyer what I wanted to do’, Off replied, leaning on the window and looking out, watching the buildings past them, ‘She’ll discuss the settlement with Gun’s lawyer during the meeting’

‘What if he doesn’t agree?’, she asked curiously, ‘You’d have to reschedule a meeting’

‘I’m giving him everything. I don’t think he’d disagree on that’, Off chuckled, but there was no smile on his face, just a bitter expression as he replayed yesterday’s events, watching Gun stood in front of him at the beach, crying his eyes out and begging him to stay.

He wished he had caved in and gave up. He wished he could go back to yesterday so he could change his mind, but he knew this was for the best. Nothing good would come in dwelling.

‘Aren’t you going to say goodbye to your friends?’, Neen kept on asking him questions, ones which made him think about his decisio to changing his flight to an earlier time. He couldn’t bare to look at Gun again. He closed his eyes like he had been ordered to, turning away and walking back to his car.

But what Gun didn’t know, was that he broke his strength, opening his eyes and turning back to look at Gun once last time, seeing his eyes closed shut, standing in the middle of the beach by the shore. He knew he wasn’t going to be able to keep up his façade during the meeting, and who knows what rash decision he might make. He was hanging on by a thread and if he saw Gun again sliding divorce papers to him one more time, he might impulsively rip it to pieces and refuse to sign it.

‘They’re not fond of me making this decision, so it’ll be best not to argue with them before I leave’, Off explained, ‘They’ll understand’

‘You have a lot of understanding friends’, Neen pointed out, turning to look at Off for a quick second before looking ahead of her.

‘I told dad about you by the way’, Off mentioned, wanting Neen to end her interrogation over his personal life, ‘I told him where you lived so he might give you a visit’

‘You bastard’, Neen growled the moment Off confessed, turning to glare at him, ‘You know I don’t want to see him’

‘Look, your hatred for him is valid and you don’t have to let him in’, Off raised his hand in surrender, ‘And he’s not perfect by all means, but he’s guilty. You can torture him for the rest of your life or you can maybe give him another chance. It’s up to you, I’m just letting you both know that you have that option’

‘He’s a scum. What good has he done?’

‘He paid for my wedding and house’, Off pointed out, ‘To me, that’s a pretty big deal’

‘Money’s not gonna fix anything’

‘We live in a capitalist society’, Off snorted, poking his sister’s shoulder teasingly, ‘Everything can be solved with money’

‘Your marriage wasn’t’, Neen rudely retorted back, slapping the smile off his face.

‘Way to ruin the conversation’

* * *

‘He didn’t show up’, New spoke to Alice whilst they spent their breakfast at the latter’s home, ‘Gun’s there by himself with Off’s lawyer’

‘Damn, he’s fucking brutal’, Arm whistled in shock, sliding a cup of coffee to Tay and New as they sat in the dining room, ‘So, are they allowed to proceed with the meeting?’

‘Yeah’, Alice replied for New, ‘Off’s lawyer is there. She’ll represent him’

‘Did anyone know that Off was leaving early?’, Arm questioned, combing back his hair in frustration, ‘Tay told us he was leaving in the afternoon’

‘He probably changed his flight time’, Tay replied, just as annoyed as Arm, ‘He’s a bastard and a half’

‘I don’t know if he’s the bastard or Gun’, New sighed, ‘Gun was the one who wanted this divorce’

‘I’ve been keeping quiet and minding my business because I’m too busy making a damn baby’, Alice joined in, ‘But I gotta admit, I would act like Gun if Arm ever treated me like Off did to him’

‘But why?’

‘No one likes to be kept in the dark’, Alice defended her friend, rubbing her growing belly, her due date nearing. She had planned Off to be there during her labour, having spoken to Arm and deciding Off would be a perfect godfather along with Tay, but the bastard bought a one way ticket to nowhere with no plans of ever coming back or even signs of promises that he’d keep in contact. As much as Gun was devastated in losing his husband, every one in the room was also losing a friend. And it felt like shit.

‘Babe, Gun hasn’t changed one bit’, Arm rolled his eyes, ‘I mean I like him now, but it took me a while to forgive him. He made a mess that he refused to clean up and everyone else had to do it for him’, Arm had also tried to keep out of his friends’ business, hoping that they would sort it out one day, but as they waited for the day to end before they spoke to Gun, they realised that history was repeating themselves and it was because both Off and Gun never grew up.

‘Off’s the same too’, Alice called him out when her husband seemed to be pointing all the blame at Gun, ‘We didn’t even know Off liked Gun, hell, we didn’t even know Off was bisexual until he randomly went on a date with a guy from the year below. And I don’t think anyone knew about his family situation until he told us his parents was getting a divorce. No matter how close any of us are with Off, we were never close enough to know who he truly was or how he felt’

‘And we don’t have to be close with him’, New pointed out, ‘But he did it with Gun too, and they’re married. It would drive me insane if I was kept in the dark too’

‘Why’re you focusing on Off’s behaviour when he was calm and collected about the whole thing? At least he didn’t make a scene at Frank’s party’, Tay turned to look at his husband, ‘Gun made a fool out of all of us’

‘Look, let’s not get into an argument on who’s in the right or wrong’, Alice waved her hand up, stopping the two from continuing their bickering, ‘They were both in the wrong and this is the result’

‘We never should have tried to set them up all those years ago’, Arm whispered, leaning his chin on his hand, ‘I mean, all I wanted was to make Off stay and if that meant bringing him back with Gun then… That’s what we did’

‘What would’ve happened if we didn’t force Off to attend the reunion dinner?’, New wondered, looking up at the ceiling and trying not to feel too stressed, ‘Would they have forgotten each other?’

‘I think they would’ve moved on with their lives’

‘Not Gun’, Alice whispered, ‘I remember every year, he kept on asking me about Off. Even if he was doing it just to fill in conversation, he never forgot to mention him, like it was a habit’

‘Old habits die hard I guess’, New sighed.

‘Damn, it’s not even my marriage but I feel like throwing a brick at them’, Tay commented, ‘I just feel like we couldn’t have something’

‘They can’t even fix it themselves. What would we have done differently?’, Alice asked, but her response was pure silence, all four of them sitting around the dinning table with unfinished drunks and worried looks of expression as they listened to the clock ticking, hoping that the meeting will soon be over and they can speak to Gun.

‘Hey, where’s Frank by the way? As he gone to school already?’

* * *

**Tay’s annoying kid: hey**

**Tay’s annoying kid: hey**

**Tay’s annoying kid: hello**

**Tay’s annoying kid: P’Off**

**Off: Jesus Christ, what do you want?**

**Tay’s annoying kid: Are you at the airport?**

**Off: yeah**

**Tay’s annoying kid: when’s your flight?**

**Off: 13.50**

**Tay’s annoying kid: then why’re you at the airport? You have two hours to spare**

**Off: It’s better to be early at the airport than late**

**Tay’s annoying kid: why are you leaving without saying goodbye to us? You’re just like every single adult I’ve ever met.**

**Tay’s annoying kid: I thought you were different**

**Off: I’m not though. I’m not just every other disappointing adult you’ve ever met. Sorry kid, but don’t idolise me too much.**

**Tay’s annoying kid: where are you?**

**Off: at the airport**

**Tay’s annoying kid: which part? I’m by Starbucks**

**Off: don’t tell me…**

**Off: Jesus Christ. Frank Thanatsaran Vihokratana-Techaapaikhun, I’m gonna kill you.**

**Tay’s annoying kid: once a runaway, always a runaway.**

Off looked around the airport after dropping off his suitcases, dragging Neen with him as he looked around the massive airport, passing by the multiple restaurants and charging spots to find Tay’s teenage son sitting outside one of the chairs in front of Starbucks with his school uniform on and his school backpack on the floor beside his chair.

‘I’m gonna kill him’, he growled as he stomped towards him.

‘Who’s he?’, Neen asked, racing to catch up with him.

‘My friend’s kid’, Off replied, ‘They just adopted him’, before Frank could even say a word, Off had slapped his head, making him whine as he cursed under his breath, making Off hit him again.

‘Ow! That hurts!’, Frank shouted at him, standing up and stomping his feet like a five-year-old kid having a tantrum.

‘You should be at school!’, Off shouted at him, looking down at his watch to check the time, ‘It’s twelve in the afternoon, how can you ditch afternoon classes?’

‘I actually didn’t go to school’, Frank corrected him as if that was going to make Off less mad, ‘It takes twice as long to get to the airport by train and I heard my dads talking early this morning that you had changed your flight to an earlier time, so I pretended to go to school but headed straight to the airport. I’ve been waiting here for about an hour’

‘Does this kid have a crush on you or something?’, Neen whispered, amused at Frank already, ‘He chased you to the airport like some kind of romcom’

‘He has attachment issues’, Off replied back, earning a kick from Frank once he heard him.

‘I don’t want him to leave without saying goodbye to me. Is that too much to ask?’, he turned to Neen as if to defend himself, but she only continued to laugh at him, ‘Who are you anyway?’

‘Me? I’m Neen’, she stopped laughing, stretching her hand out for a handshake, ‘I’m Off’s sister’

‘Oh, I heard about you’, Frank nodded, shaking her hand, ‘You’re the reason why P’Off ran away to Phuket’

‘Is there anything Tay hasn’t spilt?’, Off rolled his eyes, ‘That bastard can’t keep his mouth shout’

‘You swore’, Frank commented, ‘That’s ten bahts’, he reached his hand out, beckoning Off to pay up and Neen started laughing again when Off complied, pulling out his wallet and shoving him a note.

‘Anyway, Neen you better go and drop Frank back to his house. I have a feeling he’s going to be grounded for life’, Off ordered his sister, grabbing Frank by the ear and tugging him to her, ignoring his cries of whines.

‘I thought I was going to wait with you till your flight’s ready’

‘Well, we have a fourteen year old kid who just skipped school without his parents knowing. I think it’s more important for him to be taken home’

‘P’Off that’s not fair! I spent so much money trying to get here!’, Frank whined, pushing Off’s hand away from him, ‘Let me stay till you board’

‘I mean, kid’s got a point’, Neen shrugged, ‘Train fares are very expensive these days’

‘You’re not seriously proposing him to skip school?’

‘By the time he gets back, school will be almost over’, Neen pointed out, ‘Might as well spend the rest of the day here’

‘I like her’, Frank smiled, walking over and standing behind Neen, using her as a shield as Off continued to glare at him.

‘Your parents will book a flight to London just to kill me’, he sighed, but since he couldn’t get his sister to do what he wants, he had no choice but to babysit his best friend’s kid one more time before leaving, ‘I supposed we could grab lunch before I head to my gate’

* * *

Gun woke up at four o’clock in the morning, the earliest he’d ever woken up. He couldn’t sleep through out the night, tossing and turning. Their king sized bed felt huge without Off sleeping beside him and sometimes he found himself stretching his arm in hopes to feel Off beside him, but when he felt cold sheets, he’d open his eyes and be reminded of his loneliness.

Instead of going back to sleep, he decided to get out of bed, taking a long hot shower – too long that his skin started to shrivel up – combing his hair excessively as he stared at the mirror. He picked out clothes that was solely his, the shirt he bought with the jeans he got gifted by Jingjing. All of Off’s stuff was gone anyone, meticulously packed and shipped by the latter, so there were barely any traces left of him.

He kept on looking in the mirror, seeing his tired eyes which were dried up, dark under eye circles making his skin droop. He was about to grab the concealer by the side of the sink when he saw his husband’s ring resting on the marble counter.

Or should he say ex-husband? It’ll only be a couple of hours left before everything they built together would come to a close. Off’s ring was too big for him, whenever he tried to wear it, he always felt it slipping off, as if it didn’t belong in his finger. It frustrated him, but he needed to feel something around his ring finger. As he looked down on his own bare hands, he noticed that the tan lines of his wedding ring had slowly vanished, diminishing the three years in which he wore his promise, disappearing without a trace in a matter of weeks.

Today was their last day of marriage. Yet Gun felt it to be anticlimactic. But they’d already screamed at the top of their lungs and fought till their hearts bursted, so what more could they do today but finally accept their fates silently. Gun rushed to his closet, opening his drawer which consisted of his jewellery, picking a plain necklace chain as he rushed back to his bathroom. He grabbed Off’s wedding ring, still shining gold, sliding it between the chain, tying I around his neck until the gold band fell right above his heart.

Three years. To be honest, when Off first left for London, he begged for more time, at least one more week with him before they carried on with their separate lives. He supposed three years was enough to fill in the loss time they had in high school. He got to do everything he dreamt of with his first love and maybe that was all he was going to get. He got to kiss Off’s lips a million times, they got to dance more and they spent their nights together, in each other’s arms. He got to listen to Off voice every morning, hearing him say he loved him. That was all he ever fantasised about when he was young.

He hid the ring underneath his shirt, looking at the time, not realising how much time he took just to get ready, but the meeting was nearing, and he needed to leave soon.

_‘I guess this is it’_

He turned and for the last time, he saw Off’s figure leaning on the wall of their bathroom, crossing his arms and staring at him.

‘Yeah’, he nodded, ‘This is it’

He saw Off’s figure disappear, turning into nothing as he stared blankly at an empty wall. The ring hanging from his neck felt heavier all of a sudden.

* * *

He waited for fifteen minutes, but Off never showed up. Instead, he was greeted with his lawyer, someone he already met and spoke to since they worked in the same firm.

‘I apologise, but due to conflicting schedules, Off Jumpol will not be present for this meeting, but we have finalised his side of the agreement’, Mrs Saeli announced, sliding the revised contract at the centre of the table. Gun sat back on his chair, his lawyer sitting beside him. He didn’t pay attention to the conversation at first, his eyes were focused on the empty chair in front of him, where Off was supposed to be.

_‘Close your eyes and just leave me. Leave!’_

Memories of yesterday flooded his mind and the thought that the last time he’ll ever seen Off was at that damn beach tore him up inside. He didn’t even get to see him leave. One moment he was standing right in front of him, his warm hands against his cheeks, and the next he was gone.

His lawyer grabbed the contract, reading through the agreement in shock.

‘The house will be under your name. He’s taken his name away from your joint accounts and have agreed for you to merge it with your individual account. Ownership of he dog is under your name too… He’s giving everything to you’, his lawyer whispered to him, explaining the page long agreement contract, ‘I think we should settle with this. I’ve never met anyone willing to give everything away’

‘Where is it?’, Gun asked Mrs Saeli when his lawyer advised him not to change anything, seeing as the settlement offered to him benefitted him more. Off’s lawyer then took out another file of documents from her briefcase, the same one he slammed on Off’s desk six months ago. Once it reached his end of the table, he grabbed the documents and flipped to the last page where he saw Off’s signature in bold black ink.

Without hesitation, he grabbed his lawyer’s pen and quickly signed the paper.

* * *

**Suvarnabhumi Airport; Terminal 4: Gate 13.**

‘The meeting should’ve finished an hour ago’, Neen commented as she finished her burger, the three of them sat inside a restaurant. Frank was still digging into his food, waving his hand to order for dessert, not caring that the bill was coming out of Off’s card, ‘So, I guess you’re officially single’, she pointed out to Off who had already finished his meal, leaning back on his chair and staring out the window.

He didn’t reply, but his silence was an answer of his feeling.

‘You should’ve gone to the meeting’, Frank said with him mouth full, spitting out a chewed piece of meat, landing on the table.

‘My flight’s in half an hour. I never would’ve made it on time if I went’, Off replied, ‘Plus, I told my lawyers what I wanted. They don’t need me there’

‘If Gun knew which Terminal you were in, do you think he could make it on time to see you?’, Frank asked nonchalantly, chewing his burger slowly as he waited for Off to return.

‘It takes about an hour and a half to get here’, Off replied, ‘So, no I don’t think so’

‘Well, you really love avoiding, don’t you?’, Neen breathed out, looking down at her phone and checking her e-mails, ‘And it looks like it’s gonna rain too. What a shit day to leave’

‘The calm before the storm’, Frank commented in English, ‘I learnt about that in English the other day’

‘What does that mean?’, Neen asked.

‘It means a moment of peace or tranquility before the passing of a difficult time’, Off answered for him in perfect English, ‘It means things might be peaceful now, but it’ll most likely turn into something awful’

‘I think that calm had passed a long time ago, don’t you think?’, Neen tilted her head, ‘I think you’re right in the middle of a storm’, and with just her words, they suddenly heard a loud thundering outside, all three heads turning to look outside the window and seeing the grey clouds wash over heavy rain.

‘Wow, I didn’t know your sister was a witch’, Frank whispered, shocked at the coincidence of her words coinciding with the sudden weather change.

* * *

**Bangkok; one hour and fifteen minutes before the flight.**

Gun was never a sentimental person, but once he left the meeting room with nothing more than an empty heart and mind, his impulse was to follow the text that he suddenly received from Frank, telling him the terminal and time of Off’s flight to London. His lawyer was calling out his name, yelling and begging for him to come back, but what more can they talk about? He didn’t want this.

He got inside his car, typing the address of the airport, trying to find a way to see Off one last time. Because he regretted closing his eyes, he regretted letting Off disappear without a trace. He didn’t want his last memories with him to be at that damn beach, his eyes sore from crying as he continued to push Off away, screaming for him to leave. They may not be together anymore, but he didn’t want his first love to end that way. Maybe he could find peace and closure before Off leaves for good.

Maybe he could tell Off once last time that he was sorry. At this point, he wasn’t searching for his husband anymore, he was searching for his peace of mind.

_Don’t go. Not yet._

He heard a gush of thunder roaring from the sky, his car windows greeted with heavy rain that hit the glass, forcing him to use his windshield as he drove away from the building and towards the building.

* * *

**Suvarnabhumi Airport; Terminal 4: Gate 13.**

‘So, in six months, when my restaurant is ready, I expect you to come back’, Neen pointed out as they stood outside the security check point, Neen holding on Frank’s wrist since the latter kept on tugging at Off, begging him to stay longer. But the man’s flight was only twenty minutes away and he needed to get past security.

‘I won’t promise you anything’, Off answered truthfully, ‘I don’t think I’ll be coming back so soon’

‘You’re mean’, Frank whispered under his breathe when reality started to kick in. He remembered Off as the first person who knocked on the door of his new room when. He refused to talk to his new parents. His voice was soft yet stern, as if he knew he was talking to a kid but he also didn’t want to sugarcoat or baby him. It was the first time anyone ever treated him like an adult, and the first time someone took his feelings seriously. He gave his dads a chance because of Off’s advice and it was the best advice he ever taken. It gave him a family, a real one that won’t ever leave him. In all honesty, he didn’t want Off to go.

‘Tay and New are going to be great dads’, Off smiled, ruffling his hair, ‘And you need to prepare. You’re going to have a little sister soon. You can’t act like a brat anymore. You need to protect her’

‘Much like you’, Neen pointed out, a genuine smile on her face. ‘I haven’t been making your life easier, but thanks for the past couple of weeks. You’ve been more of a big brother than any of my other family members’

‘Well, I’m glad I can help you get back on your feet again’, Off smiled back at her, ‘And if you’re free, why don’t you come and visit me in London. You should travel the world more, there’s so much left of it for you to see’

‘Maybe’, Neen nodded, and she stretched her arms out, pulling Off in a arm embrace, letting her head rest on his shoulders, ‘Sorry about your divorce. I have a feeling I was part of the reason’

‘No, you weren’t’, Off shook his head, rubbing her hair, ‘It was impending. Like I said, karma’

Frank stood beside him as he watched the two hug, feeling his chest tighten. It was the same feeling he always felt when he knew he was being left behind. Dozens of careers and foster homes he had to leave behind, dozens of schools and classmates he had to say goodbye to again and again. Despite his happiness in finding his permanent family, he couldn’t believe he was feeling the same emotions again, but this time, ten times heavier, knowing that Off could’ve stayed and become part of his family if P’Gun didn’t divorce him. He suddenly started to hate P’Gun.

‘Right, I need to go now’, off let go of Neen, brushing back her hair as he picked up his bag. He saw how Frank stood frozen and how easy he could read the kid’s emotions just with the way his shoulders dropped and his eyes fell on the floor, ‘Do you want a hug or not?’, Off chuckled, stretching his arms out for the boy to hug him and he didn’t need to be told twice. He rushed in, making the two laugh as he tightly hugged Off, making him breathless.

‘Jesus, this kid does have attachment issues’, Neen chuckled, holding on his shoulder as she dragged him away when the hug took longer than they both expected, ‘He says he won’t come back, but trust me, he will’, Neen whispered to the boy, ‘Nothing is set in stone’

‘Don’t come back with a new wife’, Frank shouted at him, making Neen choke in amusement as she watched Off’s shock expression, ‘And don’t come back with kids!’

‘I don’t think you know what the idea of moving on is’, Off whispered, ‘But I’ll try not to’

‘And don’t forget us!’, Frank kept on shouting even though Off had turned his back on them, walking towards security whilst setting his bags down on the conveyer belt, ‘I’ll kill you if you forget my name!’, Frank kept on shouting, letting Neen hold his hands as he tried to make Off turn around, but once the man separated from them, he made sure to keep on looking forward, complying to security and passing through the detectors, grabbing his bag and being swept across the crowds of travellers, disappearing in the midst before turning to his gate, disappearing from view.

* * *

Gun parked his car at the airport car park, paying a fucking fortune just to park his car for an hour. But at this point, he didn’t care. He rushed out of his car, running in the rain without an umbrella, letting his hair soak with rain, droplets trickling down his face and soaking his shirt. The rain didn’t stop, in fact, it kept pouring unapologetically, flooding the streets.

_Terminal 4: Gate 13_

He remembered walking all the way to the night market the morning of Off’s flight back in high school, replaying the memories which stopped him from confessing to Off in the first place. He didn’t even know what it was. Maybe it was Off with another girl, or maybe he told someone Gun was just a a friend. The memory was now so vague and irrelevant but now that he was running towards the airport, he couldn’t help but remember it. He remembered sitting on the pavement, looking up at the sky and wondering if the plane that just passed over his head had Off inside. He remembered Arm calling out to him in the afternoon, talking nonsense about letters.

Everything was a repeat. When he saw a plane leave the airport, he wondered if Off was in one of them. He read Frank’s text message again and again.

13.40

Gun’s shirt was stuck on his skin, a dent on his chest showing the ring which was hidden inside as he rushed in the airport. His shoes squeaked on the floor, his fingertips trickling down with water. Strangers stared at him, wondering why he was running in the rain, soaking wet.

Terminal 4. He rushed to where the security check is, accidentally pushing pass people as he searched for the tall man he let go yesterday.

_Let me say goodbye at least. Let me…_

‘P’Off you’re the worst!’, he suddenly heard a familiar voice shouting and when he squinted his eyes and ran in that direction, he noticed Frank standing right by security.

‘Off Jumpol!’, he shouted, in hopes Frank was still talking to him, but when he arrived, he only saw the teenager with Off’s sister, the both of them turning around in shock when they saw him, soaking wet and breathless.

‘Gun?’, they both shouted his name in shock.

‘You made it?’, Frank whispered, surprised how fast the man travelled.

‘Is Off still here?’, he asked, looking around, but he felt Neen’s hand rest on his shoulder.

‘He just passed security. I’m sorry, you just missed him’, Neen said with a regretful expression. But Gun didn’t give in. Instead, he picked up his wet phone, wiping the screen with his hands as he dialled Off’s number, waiting for the ring to end.

* * *

**_My Husband_ **

Off stared down at his phone unknowingly, recognising the name he saved Gun under and wondering why on earth he was calling him. Was he pissed that he didn’t turn up to the meeting? Did he know that his flight was about to leave in five minutes? At this point, he was already inside the plane, listening to the babies crying, watching everyone else pack their bags on the compartment above them.

Five minutes. He supposed he could have one last conversation with him for five minutes.

‘Hello?’

‘Come out’, Gun’s voice was heavy and stern, commanding him to do something impossible.

‘Sorry, but I’m on the plane right now. In fact, I shouldn’t gave picked up the call. I’m leaving in five minutes’

‘You didn’t turn up to the meeting, you bastard’, Gun’s voice was dripping in venom, ‘You cold-hearted son of a bitch’

‘I’m sorry’, Off replied, ‘But you told me you didn’t want to be the last thing I saw when I leave. I’m only keeping the last promise you asked from me’

‘Come out. Now’

‘You know I can’t do that’, Off whispered over the phone, noticing how everyone was started to settle in their seats, air hostesses asking them to turn off their devices already, ‘I have to go’

‘You’re gonna leave me again like this. You selfish bastard. I ran across the city for you’

‘What’re you talking about?’

‘I gave four years of my life for you’, Gun kept on talking on the phone, not letting Off speak or hang up.

‘You’ll find someone else. I promise’, Off whispered, looking out of his small circular window, seeing airplanes lined next to their’s, ‘You’ll find someone who’ll make you forget all the time I wasted. You know the saying, love is just around the corner’

‘Mine was seated at the back of the class’, Gun replied to him, his voice breaking from it’s strong tone and Off heard Gun as he was for the first time in a long time, someone fragile and dependent on others, needing to lean on someone else.

‘And mine was sitting at the front’, Off replied, ‘But maybe your next one could be passing you by a bookshop, or ordering the same coffee as you. You’ll never know’

‘I love you’, Gun whispered to him, his voice slowly breaking, ‘But I wish I never saw you on the rooftop’

‘I’m sorry, Mr Phunsawat’, Off addressed him in formal language for the first time, separating their memories to which he suddenly to spoke him as if they were strangers, ‘But I really need to go. My plane’s leaving know’, and with that, he hung up his phone, looking up at the number one last time before deleting it from his phone.

_‘Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard to Thai Airways. This is your captain speaking. Due to the weather, we may experience slight turbulence, but we expect to arrive at Heathrow Airport by two o’clock in the morning GMT time’_

* * *

**London; 2024**

Off stretched his arms as soon as he walked out of immigrations. After spending thirteen hours sitting on a plane with ear buds on to cut off he cries of children and the restless kicking from the passengers behind his seat, he survived the gruelling flight and was welcomed to a gloomy day of great skies and shrilly winds.

‘Jumpol!’

His name was shouted as he left the airport, turning to see a beautiful woman standing with two cups of coffee in her hands.

‘Allison’, Off smiled at her, trying to comb his messy hair, making himself look presentable, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘Well, I got you this job’, she smiled, rushing up to him and handing him a coffee, ‘Might as well show you around and introduced you to everyone’

‘For someone who ruined the company, your friends with an awful lot of them’, Off snickered, taking her coffee as he dragged his staircases on the trolley, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be in America?’

‘Well, my ex-fiancé is running havoc when he got pulled out his exclusive contract so he went back to America’, she explained, her voice dropping and her expression irritated, ‘He kept the apartment and our dog, so now I’m homeless. I thought maybe I should spend a couple more weeks in London before I go back to my shitty life back home’

‘Ah, he’s a dick’, Off hissed after listening to her story, looking down at her bare hands to find the diamond ring no longer around her finger, ‘I’m sorry’

‘No worries’, Allison turned to smile at him, ‘I manage to apologise to the company for causing a mess, but they didn’t mind, because I used to work for them. I mean I used to work in their marketing team for their American branch, so they’ve heard of me. They’re even excited to meet you because I was the one who recommended you’

‘Ah, well, they shouldn’t be too excited. I’m average at my job’, Off pointed out, watching her call an Uber. He didn’t anticipate that he would meet Allison again. He thought she was going to be a passing stranger he shared a conversation with one night in London, but here they were, heading to the same building after Allison offered him his one way ticket out of the prison he was in.

‘I don’t mean to ask’, Allison began when they waited for their taxi to come, ‘But the ring on your finger. It’s gone too’

‘Ah’, Off looked down on his bare hands, his wedding ring missing, ‘I kinda got divorced’

‘Wow’, Allison raised her brow, ‘Is that why you agreed to take the job in London?’

‘Well, there was nothing left for me in Thailand’, Off nodded, ‘So, I guess I needed a new start’

‘I’m sorry to hear that’, Allison replied, ‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out’, she repeated and Off laughed at the way she genuinely seemed to pity him.

‘Well, at least we’re both free, right?’

‘Right’, she smiled, finding comfort with someone who could relate to what she’s going through, ‘I guess we’ll both use this time to heal and move on’

‘I guess so’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

‘Where’s Gun?’, Arm asked, shouting across the hospital, freaking out as his wife goes into labour after her water broke whilst she was making breakfast. Arm immediately saw the stain on his kitchen floor, grabbing his keys and rushing his wife to the hospital whilst calling his friends to hurry and join them. They had all promised to be there when the baby was born and he didn’t want anyone to miss it.

‘Sorry sir, but I need you to come with us to the delivery room’, a nurse called out from the waiting area, ordering Arm to come inside already.

‘Go, go, go!’, Jane shouted, shoving Arm towards the nurse, ‘We’ll look for Gun’, she promised him as they all stood around the waiting room in their pyjamas and messy hair. Mild still had on curlers since it was so early in the morning, she was still asleep when her wife banged the bedroom door open, screaming that Alice was going to have a baby.

‘Can you reach Gun?’, Mild asked, looking down at her phone in frustration, ‘He’s not picking up his phone’

‘It’s six o’clock in the morning on a weekend’, Frank whined, sitting down on one of the chairs and resting his head on New’s shoulders, half asleep, ‘Why do I have to be here?’

‘Because you’re grounded and we don’t know if you’ll run away if we left you at home alone’, Tay answered his son, hitting his head as he used his phone to call Gun, waiting for the latter to pick up.

‘You’re acting as if you’ve never skipped school’, Frank whined, rubbing his head, ‘P’Off said you used to skip school with him all the time!’

‘P’Off this, P’Off that. Can you stop talking about him. He’s my best friend, not yours’, Tay points a finger at Frank before keeping quiet to listen to his phone ring, ‘I can’t believe Off brainwashed you to be obsessed with him’

‘I’m not obsessed with him!’

‘Frank, just go to sleep’, New massaged his shoulders, being the calmer dad out of the two, ‘I’ll wake you once Auntie Alice is out of the delivery room’

‘So much for being the cool dad’, Mike chuckled sitting with his feet up beside Frank and New, watching Tay stress out as if he was the one giving birth. Mike and Fiat had just arrived a few minutes ago, getting a text from Arm that he was having a baby. Fiat passed a bag of crisps to the teenager whilst they relaxed in their seat, obviously having done this before with their own families whilst everyone else freaked out.

‘Trust me, Alice will be in and out in no time’, Fiat commented, ‘My wife’s labour only lasted an hour’

‘God I forgot you’re already a dad’, Jane rolled her eyes and watched as Fiat laid down on three chairs, ‘You still act like a kid’

‘Hey, just because you have a kid doesn’t mean you stop acting like one’, Fiat raised his arm in his defence, ‘And I think this whole parenting works if you think like a kid. Makes you relate to the rascals more’

‘Your son is like eight months old’, New furrowed his brow as he turned to him.

‘Exactly’, Fiat laughed, ‘Which is why I can relate’

‘I’ve never seen anyone admit so proudly that they have a mind of a seven month old baby’, Mild said as she took out her curlers, ‘Thank God I didn’t marry you’

‘You wish you did’, Fiat stuck his tongue out, going back to sleep and telling them to wake him up once the baby arrived.

‘I think one of us needs to fetch Gun from his house’, Jane finally turned off her phone, walking back to the group, ‘He’s been MIA since the divorce. He hasn’t met up with anyone of us’

_He needs you more than me._

Mild suddenly remembered Off’s words during his last week of work. Someone always needed to reach out to Gun and Off knew that best.

‘Who should it be?’, Mild asked as she looked around the room, ‘It can’t be Tay’, she mentioned, reminding everyone of the fight Tay and Gun had during Frank’s party.

‘Why don’t I go?’, New offered as he was about to stand up but Mike raised his hand, forcing him to sit back down as he pulled out his phone.

‘I think I know who he should talk to’, Mike shouted, ‘And it’s someone who doesn’t know a damn thing with what happened between him and Off so he doesn’t feel like they’re being biased’

‘And who would that be?’, they all simultaneously ask the man who was too busy eating chips and texting someone to answer their question.

* * *

‘Oab?’, Gun gasped as soon as he opened the door to find his old friend standing on the other side, ‘You’re back in Thailand?’

‘Hey Gun’, Oab smiled at him, wearing a long shirt with jeans. He looked good and youthful, a little tanned from spending the last couple of months in Barbados, ‘Alrissa and I decided to stay in Thailand for her sister’s birthday, so I’ll be here for a couple of weeks’

‘Wow’, Gun nodded, ‘Welcome back’, it’s been a long time since he spoke to Oab and it’s been longer since he’d seen him. After everyone got married, Oab announced that marriage wasn’t his thing and that he’d rather travel the world with his girlfriend than settle down any time soon. They supported his decision, but it also meant slowly losing contact with him.

‘Mike gave me a call’, Oab announced, ‘He said I arrived just on time’

‘On time for what?’

‘Alice’s giving birth’, he smiled, ‘I thought you would’ve been the first to be there, but Mike just texted me, asking me to go to your house and persuade you to come with me’

‘Alice is in labour?’, Gun repeated, his brows drooping down in a mixture of happiness and sadness at the same time.

‘You’re not as happy as I expected’

‘A lot of things have happened while you were away’, Gun confessed, his hand still gripping on his doorknob, his hair a hot mess. He was still in his pyjamas, sleeping on his bed that he hadn’t left for weeks.

‘Ah, you and Off got divorced’, Oab mentioned nonchalantly, ‘Mike told me about that’, he pointed to Gun’s chest to where Gun looked down, seeing Off’s ring still hanging down his neck.

‘He’s a piece of shit’, Gun mumbled, ‘I didn’t like him anyway’

‘Bullshit’, Oab laughed, crossing his arms and staring at Gun, ‘You were head over fucking heels for him’

‘And what?’, Gun shouted back, ‘It’s over now so you don’t need to rub it in my face how stupid I was for falling in love with him’

‘You know, I was jealous of Off’, Oab suddenly confessed, stopping Gun from shouting, ‘You knew his name, you knew where he sat and you even knew where he’d be before he was there. And then there was me. You didn’t even know my name until Senior Year’

Gun forgot about it, Oab’s confession to him in high school that had him feeling giddy because he realised someone was capable of liking him, but it also made him nervous, because it was the first time he admitted to himself that he wanted Off to say those words and not Oab. God, it seemed like those memories were from another lifetime ago.

‘I wanted you to pay attention to me the way you paid attention to Off’

‘All we did was fight’, Gun replied, ‘Don’t over-romanticise what we had’

‘I’m not’, Oab chuckled, ‘I’m allowed to be jealous of the fact that my crush was paying attention to someone else. And during the reunion, when you came and told everyone you were single, I thought, shit, maybe’s the time for me to try again and this time you might even say yes’

‘You still liked me?’, Gun asked, surprised at the sudden new confession coming from Oab, ‘Even during the reunion?’

‘I wasn’t infatuated, but I was still hopeful. That was until Off confessed to you and that was when I knew no one else in that room had a chance’, Oab chuckled, still finding the memory amusing even after the years had gone by, ‘The way you looked back at him. He had you wrapped around him again in no time. No one else would’ve ever had a shot to beat Off Jumpol, not when you already chose him’

‘He still left me anyway’, Gun sighed, ‘So everything was pointless’

‘It’s not’, Oab reached his hand and rubbed his shoulders, ‘I was bummed that night when I knew I could never have you. But that led me to Alrissa. And now I can’t imagine spending my day without her’

‘So? You think I’m just gonna find an Alrissa and forget about Off?’

‘I think once you’ve experienced all you can from a person, it’ll prepare you to try harder when the next person comes along to sweep you off your feet. You’ll know how to hold on a little tighter, fight a little stronger and to love a little gentler. I think in this case, Off was your experience, but he isn’t your result’

Gun didn’t believe any of Oab’s s bullshit. How can he even begin to dissect his complicated relationship with Off when he’d been spending his time elsewhere.

‘Because I couldn’t hold onto you, I held onto Alrissa’, Oab continued when Gun showed no signs of change in his expression, ‘I tried a little harder and now here I am, with the most beautiful girl in the world. I don’t think I’ll be able to relate to your pain right now, but I think you shouldn’t stop living your life just because Off left it. Your close friend is about to have a baby and she wants you with her. And who knows, maybe along the way you’ll find the next person to take Off’s place’

‘I don’t want anyone to take his place’, Gun confessed, holding his hand up and touching Off’s ring.

‘Well, at least say hello to your goddaughter. They’re waiting for you’, Oab said, holding up his phone and making Gun read the text message, ‘We should go to the hospital now’

* * *

‘Oh, Alice well done honey’, Jane cooed, looking at the baby wrapped in a pink blanket in her arms, ‘You did amazing’

Alice, who was still tired, her face sweating, used the remainder of her energy to smile at her friends as they walked in the delivery room. Arm was sat beside her bed, stroking her hair and looking down at the small baby, freshly washed and weighed, sleeping so soundlessly in his wife’s arms.

‘She looks so cute’, Mild smiled, brushing her finger across the baby’s cheeks. Alice couldn’t help but laugh when they all crowded around her, like a bunch of curious dogs with their eyes round and wide, looking at her baby daughter.

‘Have you thought of a name yet?’, Frank asked, looking down and trying not to make fun out of the baby that still looked nothing like her parents. She looked like every other baby in the nursery and he didn’t know why everyone else was making a big deal out of it.

‘Not yet’, Arm replied, ‘We’ll settle with one once Alice gets her rest’

‘She’s the cutest’, New smiled and he couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten at the thought that this was going to be him and Tay in a few months time. He reached out and squeezed his husband’s hand excitedly, ‘Well done Alice’

‘Thank you’, she smiled at him, but when she looked around the crowd, she realised someone was missing, ‘Where’s Gun?’

‘I’m here’

They all turned around and almost heaved a sigh of relief when Gun walked into the room with a bouquet of flowers in his hands, his hair combed and he was the only one who didn’t have on his pyjamas unlike everyone else.

‘I told you I’d make him come’, Oab walked behind him with a smug look on his face.

‘Oab!’, they all screamed, running towards him to hug the man they hadn’t seen in almost a year. They all started laughing, especially when Oab shouted for them to get off, both Arm and Alice laughing at their friends.

Gun on the other hand, made his way over to his friend, setting the flowers down at the end of her bed, ‘Congratulations Alice. I’m so proud of you’, he smiled, reaching his hand out to hold hers. He looked at her baby, watching her fall asleep despite the loud commotion next to her, ‘She looks gorgeous’

‘I know how hard it is for you to come here’, Alice whispered to him, squeezing his hand, ‘And I’m glad you still made it’

‘I promised you I wouldn’t miss it for the world’, Gun smiled. He bit the inside of his cheeks, trying to stop himself from showing too many emotions, but he couldn’t help it. If he had tried harder, he and Off would’ve been next. But now it was just silly dreaming.

‘That makes one of you’, Arm whispered, ‘Off hasn’t been picking up his phone’

‘He probably changed his number’, Tay called out, ‘He did that last time’

‘I don’t think so’, New shook his head, ‘The phone still rings when you try to call it. I think it’s still in use’

‘Well, let’s not dwell on him too much’, Alice said, trying to change the subject, especially with Gun in the room, ‘I just had a baby and we still need to think of a name’

‘Ah right!’, the all clapped their hands, passing down names one at a time. Alice laughed when they kept on suggested absurd names, shaking her head and turning them down immediately. It was hectic, the whole hang shouting on top of one another as they tried to think of names. They almost didn’t hear the knocking on the other side of the room, another person asking to enter in.

‘P’Neen!’, it was Frank who shouted her name, recognising the girl who he spent time with at the airport whilst saying goodbye to Off. They all turned to look at her, seeing her walk in with a big teddy bear by her side.

‘Hello?’, Alice looked at Arm, asking him if he knew her but her husband just shook his head.

‘I’m Off’s sister’, Neen said when she felt confused looks being directed to her, ‘Off ordered me to come here and give this to you once the baby’s born’

‘How did you know where to find us?’, Mild asked curiously, ‘And if Alice was in labour’

‘He redirected his mobile contract to me’, Neen waved her phone up, ‘I have his old number. You guys were calling it like crazy’

‘Ah’, they all nodded. It answered most of their questions. They watched as Neen set the teddy bear down at the end of the bed, right next to the flowers. Gun looked at her, watching her sit on the edge of the bed with the teddy bear.

‘Thanks’, Alice smiled at her. They had all recently been informed – by Tay of course – about what the fuck happened in Phuket, so they knew about Off’s sister, but this was the first time they’d ever met her.

‘Off said to give this to you’, Neen ended the silence since she knew no one knew what to say to her. Just as she was about to pass it to Alice whoever, she saw the collar that was still wrapped around the bear’s neck and she quickly tugged it off, breaking it as she hid it behind her back.

But of course, Gun saw it.

‘What did you just pull?’, he asked, pointing behind her back and Neen awkwardly coughed and looked down at the floor.

‘He told me to take it out before giving it to you’, Neen whispered, ‘I forgot’

‘What is it?’

‘It’s a voice collar. I mean, that’s what he said anyway’, she answered.

‘Voice collar, as in… A voice memo?’, Tay asked, pulling it off Neen’s hand and looking at the collar which had a speaker on it along with a button, ‘Did he leave a voice note?’

‘I supposed he did. But I don’t think it’s meant for Alice’s baby’

‘Who’s it for then?’, Tay asked and when Neen didn’t give him an answer, he decided to find out himself, pressing the button and letting Off’s voice speak through the little speaker.

_‘Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one. Uh… I have no idea what to call you. We still don’t know whether you’re gonna be a girl or boy, but I guess I should just call you kid. We haven’t got you yet, but once we get those adoption applications approved, I’m sure we’ll be meeting you soon. We’re not your real parents. I mean, not biologically anyway, but we’re gonna be your dads. I’m Off by the way, but you won’t be calling me that. Your other dad’s called Gun. We promise to take good care of you, because we’ve been wishing for you for a long time now. Especially Gun. God, ever since Alice announced her pregnancy it’s like his baby fever went up a notch. He’s gonna fall in love with you, I can already tell. I don’t know whether to be jealous of you kid, because only I get to know what it feels like to be loved by Gun but, I guess now I have to share him with you. Anyway, this voice note is getting too long and you’re probably a couple of weeks old and have no knowledge of language yet, so I’ll let you sleep for now. I’m so excited to meet you._

‘Why the fuck would you press the button?’, New pinched his husband’s arm, giving him a warning glare as they all slowly turned to look at Gun, their breathes held in as they waited for his reaction.

‘Uh… I guess he thought regifting was a good idea?’, Neen tried to lift the mood, grabbing the collar back and putting it in her pocket, ‘I hope you can still accept the teddy bear, even though it wasn’t initially for you’

‘It’s okay’, Arm smiled at her, grabbing the bear and setting it down beside his wife, ‘Off knows how to gain attention in the room even though he’s not here. It’s an Off thing to do’

‘I should probably get going’, Neen smiled, bowing his head to the lovely couple, ‘It was nice meeting you’

‘Ditto’, Alice smiled back, watching her head back out of the room, Gun still not saying anything.

‘Wait, Neen’, Gun finally broke his silence, walking towards the door, ‘Can I have that?’, he pointed at the collar in her pocket, making everyone turn to stare at him.

‘This?’, she said as she pulled it out, throwing to Gun who caught it in one hand, ‘It was meant for your future kid anyway’

‘Thanks’, Gun said to her, giving her a small smile.

‘No problem, brother in law’, she said to him, before waving her goodbye and walking out of the room, closing the door behind her.

‘Does she not know you divorced your brother?’, Fiat whispered, the word brother in law still hanging in the air as if it was a curse. Gun looked down at the collar. It was the first time he heard Off’s voice in weeks, and it made his heart beat fact at the knowledge that he must’ve secretly bought the bear whilst he was at work, hiding it in the house until their applications were approved.

‘I wonder where he is now’, Mild whispered, ‘The bastard’

* * *

**London; 2024**

_Three, two , one, cheers!_

Everybody raised their glass as they celebrated the new employee from Thailand. They were in a club in Soho, taking shot after shot, Off being persuaded to come with them. It was his party of course, seeing as he finally started his first day of work after being shown around a few weeks ago.

‘So, Jumpol’, his colleagues surrounded him, curious to know everything about their new head supervisor, ‘Tell us, are you single?’

‘Uh… Yeah’, Off ended up saying, even though it still left a bitter taste in his mouth, as if he had lied to everyone when in fact, he didn’t. In a sense, he was single, back to square one.

‘He’s divorced guys, don’t think you can fuck him yet’, Allison joined in, ‘He’s still in his mourning stage’

‘Divorce? At your age?’, one of his co-worker snickered, pouring himself another drink, ‘How young did you marry?’

‘Twenty-six’, his answer caused a shock wave of roars and laughters, everyone banging the tables.

‘That’s why you got divorced’, a man by the name of James pointed at him, ‘You married too young. You should’ve waited until you were in your thirties. Twenties is a time for you to have fun and fuck about. You need to get that out of your system before you even think about settling down’

‘Who did you marry anyway? A colleague?’

‘No, someone from high school’

‘Double no, no!’, his other colleague Sayid shouted, shaking his head and laughing at him, ‘You never marry anyone who knew you in high school. They have too much dirt on you. They probably knew you when you had an emo phase’

‘I never had an emo phase’

‘Darling, we’ve all had an emo phase’, Allison giggled, pouring herself and Off another drink as she sat beside him, ‘He probably knew you too well, that’s why you felt suffocated’

‘The opposite actually’, Off admitted, drinking another shot, ‘He didn’t know me well enough’

‘Well, now that you’re back in the game, let me ask you a question. Who caught your attention during your first day of work?’, Sayid asked, raising a playful brow as he poked Off to answer his question.

‘It’s probably Natasha’, James rolled his eyes, ‘Everyone’s in love with her’

‘Correction, _you’re_ in love with her’, the rest of the group shouted simultaneously at him, laughing as he cursed them out and yelled at them to shut up.

‘Come on Jumpol, you must’ve liked someone, who is it?’, they stirred the subject back to Off, poking him out until he confessed.

‘I just got divorced. I’m not looking at anyone at the moment’

‘But if you were to say who the most beautiful is at work, then who would it be?’

‘Well, no one, since she doesn’t work for this company’

‘Oh, so he’s already eyeing a target’, James and Sayid shouted, high-fiving each other as they played around with their new supervisor. Off had just started, but he had already gained the approval of his entire team, even having them all agreed to club after work on a weekday.

‘Who is it?’, they all asked and Off didn’t know whether to just lie so he can get them off his back.

‘Allison of course’, he yelled when they kept shouting at him.

‘Ooooooh!’, a wave of cheers and whoops entered in, hands pushing Allison so that she’s sitting close to Off, their shoulders brushing.

‘She got me this job and she’s been helping me move in to my apartment, so I have a soft spot for her’, Off defended himself, but it was only followed by another wave of cheers.

‘So she’s been to your apartment?’, Janice, another colleague in his team asked, everyone hollering back at him as they waited for him to answer.

‘I was helping him move some things in’, Allison shouted back.

‘Maybe that’s not the only thing you’re helping him with’, James teased, whining when Allison hit the back of his head.

‘I’m still mourning too guys. My ex-fiancé cheated on me and took my apartment and dog’

‘You also exposed his drug party on the yacht which cost him his contract with us’, Sayid reminded her, ‘And the reason why we needed to expand our team members in the first place. You left a fucking mess’

‘He had one good album though, I’ll give him that’, Janice nodded as she finished her drink, calling out the bartender for another one, ‘Too bad we had to cut him out. We lost big contract deals and endorsements because of him’

‘Well, at least you got Jumpol thanks to me’, Allison defended herself, resting her hand on Off’s shoulders. He dressed informally compared to how he used to dress for work in Bangkok. He still had a suit on, light brown attire, but he wore no tie, his shirt unbuttoned a little too low. There was a sense of informality in London that was different from Bangkok. Since they worked in the entertainment industry, they were allowed to turn up to work in sweatpants and leather jackets. When Allison noted him to dress informally, he still tried his best to look presentable, but even after putting on a half-ass suit, everyone made fun out of him for being too formal. Things were truly different in London.

‘You just wanted him to move to London so you can have him for yourself’

‘I would’ve taken him with me in L.A if that was the case’, Allison corrected them, ‘I’ll be leaving in a couple of weeks’

‘Aw, too bad. We were starting to like you’

‘You won’t say that next time we meet’, she laughed, stilling Off’s drink and leaving her lipstick stain on the tip of the glass, ‘We’re gonna be on opposite sides again’

Off snickered, amused at how charismatic Allison was in a room filled with extroverts and bright personalities. She could still make the room focus on her. He grabbed the drink back from her hand, downing the rest of it, letting her lipstick stain colour his own lips.

‘You’ll be on the losing end now that I’m here’, Off joined in the banter, earning another wave of cheers as they wait for Allison to attack him back.

‘You don’t know what I’m capable of’, she winked at him, licking her lips and pouring herself another drink, ‘I cause empires to fall’

‘And you clearly underestimate me’, Off decided to play around with her. He hadn’t flirted with anyone for a long time, but the alcohol was in his system and he was still slightly jet lagged, so he thought he should have a bit of fun, ‘I won’t let you win’

‘Well, why don’t the two of you just get a room and fuck’, James howled, banging his fist on the table, ‘I can feel the tension and it feels sticky in here’

‘You’re so gross’, Allison rolled her eyes, but she kept on smiling at Off, stealing glances at him as they continued to drink until one by one, their colleagues made their way in the middle of the dance floor.

‘You’re not gonna join them?’, Allison asked when Off stayed seated on his seat, leaning back and watching the dance floor.

‘No. I hate dancing’, Off replied to her, leaning close to her ears due to the loud music, ‘I actually hate clubbing a lot’

‘God, you’re making yourself sound older than you are’, Allison giggled, leaning in closer that her lips were touching his ears, ‘You should have some fun’

‘No thanks’, Off shook his head, but maybe he finally met his match when Allison stood up, grabbing his hand as she dragged him to the dance floor just as the music changed.

‘Don’t be shy’, Allison teased him, swaying her hips as she started dancing. Off stood awkwardly at first, watching her dance with the rest of the group, singing along to the songs and letting her body roll in time with the music.

_‘No, I’m done waiting for you to talk to me. If I knew you were gonna be like this, I wouldn’t have married you’_

Off immediately heard Gun’s voice inside his head, yelling at him those same words which haunted him for months.

He saw the way Allison easily joined in the crowd, dancing with them whilst she was still getting over her ex and he realised he was jealous of her. How easily she rejoined everyone after being kicked to the ground by someone she loved. He wasted so much time with Gun, would it be a good idea for him to waste his time wallowing in self-pity here too? He came to London to escape from it all, but that won’t happen if he doesn’t change himself.

So, call it desperation or impulse, but he found himself dancing, spinning around and making a fool of himself as the music changed into something familiar. The rest of his new colleagues clapped their hands as soon as he joined in, shouting his name as he grabbed Allison’s hand, intertwining their fingers as he spun her around, dancing with her until all of his energy was wasted trying to stop those words spinning in his mind.

* * *

He supposed he should’ve expected it to happen. The fact that they were in the club since three o’clock in the morning, pissed off their face and burning with desire. It was no surprised when Off banged his apartment door closed, entering it with someone else wrapped around his arms.

His lips have never kissed anyone else other than Gun for the past four years, so it felt odd. It was unfamiliar, yet his body still responded to it, feeling Allison’s tongue playing back, chuckling when he had her pressed against the door, his arms trapping her as they continued to make out. Her lipstick stained his collar when she broke the kiss, trailing her lips down on his exposed chest, biting his collarbone, clearly not afraid to leave marks behind his pale skin.

‘I have work in four fucking hours’, Off growled, looking at the clock which hung on his living room wall. He still had a pile of boxes left to unpack and his bed hadn’t even arrived yet, so all he had in his room was a mattress on the floor.

‘Do you always look at the time when you’re about to fuck someone?’, Allison chuckled, staring up at Off as she dropped her hand down, sliding it down his pants and making him groan.

‘Do you always like to tease?’, Off smirked, bringing her lips back to him as they stumbled to his bedroom.

_P’Off. Don’t stop._

He ripped off Allison’s dress in retaliation to the voice inside his head, hearing her zipper break as she slid out of her clothes.

_Fuck. P’Off, please…._

He buried his kisses on her chest, kneading her breasts as he grinds his hard-on against her. He felt her hands unbutton his shirt, taking off his blazer along with it.

_Fuck me._

‘Fuck me’, Allison’s voice started to mix with Gun’s and he didn’t know who to listen to. Instead, he just closed his eyes and focused on himself, unbuttoning his trousers as he bit on one of Allison’s bra straps, teasingly sliding it off her shoulder.

‘You have four hours left to fuck me before you need to get ready for work. I don’t think you should take your time with the foreplay’, Allison chuckled, her voice making him open his eyes and he stopped what he was doing to look at her. He had his hands rested on either side of her, his face only inches away from hers and all of a sudden a wave of mixed feelings crashed down his stomach.

It wasn’t Gun that he was kissing. It wasn’t him that he was pressing his lips against and grinding his body over. And it felt odd. It didn’t feel right.

Allison, when she noticed Off not moving, leaned her head up, kissing Off again, distracting him from his train of thoughts as they continued, fucking the whole night until they heard birds chirping and the glow of orange shining from the window, hitting the walls of his bedroom.

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

_Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one._

_Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one._

_Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one._

Gun kept repeating the first sentence again and again as he sat in his living room, staring at the blank TV screen, listening to Off’s voice again and again.

_Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one._

He decided to keep the collar after Neen turned up to Alice’s hospital room, offering a piece of Off that he might be able to keep.

‘When are you going to tell Off?’, he remembered his lawyer asking him over the phone, to which he replied that he would talk to Off’s lawyer so that they can talk it out.

He imagined Off as a father. He would’ve been terrified raising a child of his own, but he imagined Off loving it at the same time. He’d refurnish their spare bedroom as a nursery, decorating it himself with butterflies painted on the wall. He could imagine him sleeping on the floor beside the cot, too scared to leave the baby alone for the night. He smiled just daydreaming about it.

_Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one._

Love is just around the corner, he remembered Off telling him and he wondered where he heard that bullshit, because for Gun, love took it’s time. It wasn’t just the boy who sat at the back of the class making noise and being an idiot. It was the boy who kept him on his toes, who battled him with every argument. It was the boy who listened to him play the violin, the one who knocked on his front door and pretended to be his friend just to make his mother happy. It was the boy he saw sleeping on the rooftop peacefully and also the boy he held at the beach whilst they watch Mrs Pho’s ashes scatter into the sea. It was the boy he waited to come back for six years. So, love wasn’t just around the corner for him.

_Hello? Is this thing on? Um… Hey little one._

He pressed the button again, replaying the voice note again. He was about to fall asleep with Off speaking to him when he heard a knock at the door, forcing him to stop playing the voice note as he stood up at checked the security cams.

‘Jay’, he called out once he opened the door, seeing the man stand in front of him for the first time since he ditched him at the party. He was sporting something different from his usual look, just a simple shirt and jeans with a beanie covering his hair, ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘I came to see you of course’, Jay smiled his sweet smile, the one that made him look more handsome than he already is, ‘I’m releasing my album soon’

‘Oh really? Congratulations’, Gun smiled at him, ‘You worked hard for it’

‘Yeah, I’m quite proud of it’, Jay nodded, a genuine smile on his face, ‘I also wanted to say the album’s about you’

‘What?’

‘I wrote a lot of the songs whilst I was on the road and most of the time I would think of you’, he explained, ‘But don’t worry, it’ll be the first and last album I’ll ever write about you. I promise’

‘I… I don’t know what to say’, Gun whispered, leaning his chin on the door as he stared at Jay blankly.

‘Don’t say anything. Just think of it as my closure from you’, he said, ‘I needed to get out all of my feelings for you so I can finally move on’

‘I’m sorry Jay, for leading you on. That’s all my fault’, Gun closed his eyes and tuts at himself, already feeling regret for dragging Jay into his mess.

‘I’m just glad I finally for my chance to explain to you that I’m not as bad as you think’, Jay chuckled, ‘Anyway, a relationship wouldn’t have worked between us. Not when I’m going on tour soon’

‘Tour?’, Gun’s eyes widened, ‘Wow’

‘Yeah, I start in Bangkok and make my way through the major cities. I’ll be travelling a lot, and I know how much you hated it whilst I was away’

‘Yeah’, Gun chuckled, ‘Jay, I know I told you that I dated you to fill up the empty space that Off left. I just wanted you to know that it doesn’t mean you weren’t a person of your own. I still dated you for you. I hope you don’t think low of yourself’

‘No, I knew what you meant. I don’t it before too’, Jay nodded, ‘I mean it hurts a little, but I understand’

‘I guess, this is a good luck and a goodbye to you, right?’, Gun mentioned.

‘I think so. But before I leave, can I do something first?’

‘What is it?’, and his answer came in a form of a kiss, his eyes widening as he looked at Jay who leaned down to meet with his lips, his thumb stroking his cheeks as he kissed him one last time. Gun, this time, didn’t hesitate. He kissed him back, at least leaving Jay with a sweet memory he could keep of him, closing his eyes as he rested his hand on his cheeks too.

‘I love you’, Jay whispered to him, bringing his hand up to hold Gun’s which still rested on his cheeks, sliding something cold on his finger.

Gun’s wedding finally found itself back to where it belong, resting around Gun’s finger.

‘You had it all this time?’, Gun asked as he took a step back, bringing his hand down to stare at is ring.

‘I was bitter that you still chose Off over me’, Jay explained himself, ‘I’m sorry that I kept it. I just thought I still had a chance with you’

Gun kept staring at his ring, watching it perfectly around his finger and suddenly feeling Off’s ring rest against his chest.

‘You bastard’, Gun whispered, looking back up at Jay’s expression in shock.

‘The moment you looked at Off at the hotel reception, I knew I lost. I was just prolonging just to see if you can look at me the way you looked at Off. I’m sorry’

‘Well… At least you got an album out of me’, Gun replied. He was calm and collected, choosing not to overreact for the first time, ‘I can at least offer you that’

‘Yeah’, Jay laughed, ‘But I wish one day we’ll meet again. And maybe this time I won’t have to try to get you to look at me the way you looked at Off’

‘Maybe’, Gun nodded, giving Jay one last smile, ‘We never know what the future holds’

‘Bye Gun’

‘Goodbye Jay’

* * *

**London; 2024**

‘Who is that?’, Allison asked when she picked up a crumpled photograph from one of his bags that was still laying around on his bedroom floor, wide open for Allison to see. Off turned around to stare at what she was holding, looking at the photo he had stolen from his old bedroom, the one of Gun sitting on the plane, looking out of the window.

‘No one’, Off replied, taking the crinkled photograph off her hands and putting it back in his bag, ‘You wanna get something to eat?’, Off turned to look at Allison who was still laying on his bed in his shirt, her hair tied in a ponytail and blankets wrapped around her body. His bed finally came and they both tried to assemble it together, only for it to fail miserably. He was never really good at assembling furniture and apparently neither was Allison so they ended up hiring a few men to come over to fix it.

They spent the rest of the night, shall we say, testing the strength of his new bed. They ended up finding solace in each other, two runaways trying to get over their past which nearly drove them insane. Off wouldn’t call it love per se, more on the lines of attraction to consume their troubled minds. He could tell Allison still wasn’t over her ex, much like he couldn’t forget Gun, so instead, they spent their nights distracting each other. It became a routine that Off welcomed much earlier in his divorce phase than he anticipated.

‘Can’t you cook me breakfast?’, Allison smiled, kicking Off’s legs as she watched him get change into a plain shirt and sweatpants.

‘I don’t know how to cook’

‘You say you’ve been married for three years, yet you don’t know how to cook?’, Allison faked a gasp, ‘No wonder he divorced you. Men truly ain’t shit’

‘You’re sleeping with one right now’, Off smirked at her, earning another kick, ‘I can call for takeaway’

‘No, it’s bad for your health’, Allison whined, ‘Why don’t I teach you how to cook?’, she offered with a teasing smile on her face, ‘You’ll be living on your own for a while after I leave, so you might as well learn how to fend for yourself’

‘You know how to cook?’, off snickered, grabbing her foot when she tried to kick him again, ‘I’d like to see that. I bet you’d burn my kitchen’

‘Don’t challenge me’, Allison played along, stretching her leg out as she rested her foot on Off’s chest, letting him kiss her thighs, ‘I can make amazing beans on toast’

‘Everyone can’, Off chuckled at her, pulling her by the leg until she sat up, facing him as he placed a kiss on her lips, ‘I bet I can make one better than yours’

‘Is that a challenge?’, she smirked, getting off the bed and letting Off’s shirt fall from one of her shoulders, ‘The winner gets to do whatever they want to the other’

‘Oh, really?’

‘Yes, really’

‘Then prepared to be used, because I’m definitely winning’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

‘Hello Emma’, Gun smiled at the baby who was sucking on his thumb. He had Alice’s baby daughter in his arms, singing to her softly as he spent the evening after work visiting his friends’ home. Alice had been on maternity leave for almost a year, but he still had a couple of months left until she could go back to work.

‘I’m going insane’, Alice whined, ‘I really wanna go back to work’

‘You should use this time to bond with her’, Gun replied, making his way to the living room to where she was.

‘I’ve spent all my waking hours with her’, Alice defended herself, ‘And sometimes I spent my sleeping hours with her too. She cries all the time’

‘That’s what babies do’, Gun chuckled, teasing the new mother which he probably shouldn’t have done since Alice turned to glare at him.

‘You’re lucky you don’t have a child’, Alice whispered, ‘I’m still gonna plan my schedules around her so I can be with her even after I start working again’

‘Are you gonna get your mother to take care of her during the day’

‘Of course’, Alice smiled, ‘Childcare and nannies are expensive. Plus, I want her to bond with my mother too’

‘That’s nice’, Gun replied, ‘i’m sure you’re going to get the hang of this soon’

‘Yeah, well enough about me’, Alice said, grabbing her daughter and letting her rest in her arms instead, ‘How about you? How’re you holding up?’

‘Good. Jingjing recommended that I take spinning class with her. I mean it sucks and my legs are always aching, but it’s something for me to do and I get to spend more time with her’

‘That’s good’, she smiled, ‘And… How about the blind dates? You haven’t been blowing them off, right?’

‘I’m not gonna date’, Gun replied to her, ‘So you should stop Arm from setting me up with his entire work department. I’m not interested’

‘Look, it’s only been a month, so I know you probably think we’re being unreasonable, but we know you Gun. You don’t handle loneliness well’, Alice pointed out bluntly, ‘Don’t think of it as looking for a serious relationship, but think of it as… I don’t know, rebound? Something to dip your toes into whilst you’re trying to get used to the single life again’

‘I’m okay’, Gun reiterated himself, ‘I don’t need a rebound’

‘Okay’, Alice sighed, ‘We’re not gonna push you’, she didn’t want to sound forceful, but the rest of the gang had been worried for him, especially Mild who kept on asking her to check up on him.

‘I don’t need a rebound because I’m not single’, Gun said without warning, making Alice almost drop her own baby as she choked on her own spit, calling out her friend to come back and explain himself.

* * *

**London; 2024**

‘Hello, Mr Adulkittiporn, this is your lawyer. We need to talk about your divorce proceedings’

‘What is there to talk about?’, Off sighed when he picked up his phone, sliding the boxes to the front of his apartment, finally finished packing and discarding he rest of the moving boxes away, ‘I gave him all our shares for everything, including our joint savings. If he wants more than just say yes’

He didn’t think he was going to get a phone call from his lawyer about his divorce, not when he finalised everything before he left and he hadn’t received any e-mails yet about conflicting agreements from Gun’s side, so he had just assumed everything had been settled.

‘I’m afraid we can’t do that’, she replied, making him stop what he was doing. He leaned on his new desk table, edged beside the window of his new apartment, overlooking an empty street.

‘Why not?’

‘Because he hasn’t signed the papers’

‘What?’

‘I mean, he did sign the papers, but he ripped them before we could take them back’

‘Why?’, he froze in place, his heart beating fast as he waited for the answer.

‘I don’t know. But it seems like we can’t go ahead with the divorce proceedings if one of you backs out. I spoke to his lawyer and he told me he’d been trying to persuade him, but it seems like Mr Phunsawat doesn’t want to continue. As we all know, divorce is a mutual agreement of separation, so I just wanted to call you to inform that you’re still legally married’

‘And you’re only telling me this now? A month after I was supposed to be divorced?’

‘Your husband informed me that he would be the one telling you, but he recently called me a week ago, telling me to inform you of the news’

‘I’m… Still married to Gun?’

‘That’s what the law states’, she informed him, ‘I know you arrived in London a month ago, but since the divorce settlement has been postponed indefinitely, I recommend you to return to Bangkok immediately to sort out your bank details and property ownership’

‘I already sorted out everything. I removed my name under any joint accounts and I’ve closed my Thai account and transferred all my money here’

‘He added your name back’, every information seemed to punch him in the heart every time he let his lawyer speak, ‘He’s your husband, so it’s allowed, but the banks still need you to come back and sign new documents and papers for the finalisation’

‘He added my name back’, Off repeated his lawyer’s words in a whisper, almost chocking on his own tongue.

‘His lawyer also wanted me to pass on a message. He said he wanted you to get it’

‘What is it?’

‘You left your shirt’

‘What?’

‘I don’t know what he means by that, but that was his final message’, his lawyer said to him, and a silence loomed over them whilst Off leaned on his desk for support as he tries to catch his breath, ‘Look, now that I’m no longer your lawyer, I wanna say something before we go our separate ways’

‘What?’

‘As a divorce lawyer, most of my clients just wanna get this bit over and done with so they can finally start a new chapter in their life. One without regret or pain or the idea of waking up next to someone they don’t love anymore. But him? He didn’t even looked like he wanted to be in the room, as if he was forced. Now I know it’s none of my business, but if you didn’t wanna divorce, why did you?’

‘Because it’s better to be a part of someone’s life for a blissful moment than to be their torment for the rest of their lives’, Off confessed, staring out at the sky and looking at the moon that was still present despite it being the afternoon.

‘I guess you guys are still too young’, his lawyer laughed at him, a hearty chuckle from the other end of the phone that had him staring at his screen for a moment, waiting for her to stop, ‘People say once you hit your thirties, you’ll know how to be adults, but we all know that’s a lie. Anyway, you’ve still got a whole lot of living left to do, so I advise you to pull your head out of those books and take life by the reins. You have my number, so if you still wish to go through another divorce proceeding, then call me. If not, I wish you and Mr Phunsawat a happy marriage. Good day’

‘Hey, Jumpol are you in here?’, he heard Allison call out his name and he hung up the phone, his head spinning as he walked to the front hallway.

‘Hey’, he greeted her, his mind in a daze that he didn’t even notice Allison walking over to kiss him on the cheeks.

‘I’ve packed all my stuff and shipped the rest of my belongings so I’ll get them as soon as I arrive in L.A’

‘When are you leaving again?’, Off asked her.

‘Next week’

‘Ah’, he nodded, his expression still blank and distracted from the conversation he just had with his lawyer, ‘Allison, can I tell you something fucked up?’

‘What?’, she turned her back to look at him, putting her bag down on the dining table as she grabbed something to eat from the fridge, ‘You better tell all your secrets now because when I come back home to L.A, you’ll be nothing more than a blissful memory’, she joked, but he didn’t know whether to take her joke as a relief or warning.

‘I just got off the phone with my lawyers’, he said, ‘She said I’m still married’

‘Excuse me?’, she almost dropped her drink, coughing out the water which went down the wrong pipe.

‘She said he refused to sign the papers’, he went on, just as shocked as he was five minutes ago, ‘So, technically I’m still married’

‘So, does that make me a home wrecker?’, she asked with wide eyes.

‘I think you’re an exception’, Off chuckled, amused at her initial reaction, ‘I won’t hold it against you’

‘You better not tell anyone I slept with you whilst you were still married’, she threw her bottle cap at him.

‘No, I won’t, I promise’, Off said, catching it before it dropped to the floor, ‘I work in PR. I’ll keep your image clean’

‘You asshole’, Allison yelled at him, kicking his leg, but she couldn’t help but laugh at how easy it was for Off to relax him even after that bombshell of a news.

‘You’re going back to L.A anyway. I don’t think you’ll be seeing me again for a long time’

‘So, what’re you gonna do?’, Allison asked as she leaned her arm on the counter, watching his expression, ‘Are you gonna go back to your husband?’

‘I’m gonna finish my job here’, Off said, more to himself, ‘Then I’ll decide what to do when it ends’

‘They’re taking a liking to you’, Allison commented, ‘I don’t think they’ll be letting you go any time soon’

‘We’ll see’

* * *

_To: Off_

_By the time you get this letter, you’re lawyer will have explained what happened. I signed the papers. I wanted to see what my name looked like next to yours, but then I realised what I done and took the papers back. I tried to chase you to the airport, but it was too late. You were out of my reach. But maybe that’s a good thing._

_I can’t deny you of time, I know you need it to heal, that’s why I didn’t tell you that I ripped the papers. I didn’t wanna force you to come back, not when you say you needed the space. You have been understanding and I haven’t returned the gesture, so here I am now, letting you breathe. Take as much time as you need, find yourself, fall in love with someone else if that’s what you want, but I need a reason for you to come back someday, maybe in six months time or in ten years. That’s why I didn’t sign it. I need you to return so we can have one final conversation, a proper one without the bitterness or the fighting. Maybe you’ll come back after finally clearing your mind and finding peace within yourself and you realise that you still love me and we can try again. Or maybe you’ll come back hoping to start a new family, and I’ll congratulate you and sign the papers and I’ll finally let you go, but we can at least have a meal before that happens, right?_

_I love you. I will always love you and when it’s time for us to meet again, I hope I can make my emotions clear to you at least once, that I have been the happiest when I was with you. It may not have looked it, and I may have taken you for granted, but the truth is, you make me fall in love every time I’m with you, and I know I’m never going to feel like that with anyone else._

_You may not be my last love, but you’re my most valued one._

_Have a wonderful life Off. I can’t wait to hear about it when I see you again someday._

_Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat-Adulkittiporn_

* * *

Gun Atthaphan fell in love with Off Jumpol three times. Once when they were in high school. He was looking for him after he failed his Mandarin test, beating him in language for the first time. He was sleeping on the school rooftop after asking for the keys from the janitors. Gun couldn’t remember the details, but he remembered how peaceful Off looked, and how he wanted to take care of him all of a sudden.

The second time was at the same rooftop when he felt Off’s arms wrap itself around his waist as he surprised him in the middle of the night. He landed on the cement ground but it didn’t hurt, because Off’s arms protected him, his eyes looking up the the same ones that he saw six years ago. It had been so long, but Off still managed to make his heart race the same way he did when he took his virginity during a stormy night. He knew it was useless to deny it, Off Jumpol had made him fall in love again.

The third time he fell in love was when he was running in the pouring rain on his way to the airport, feeling Off’s ring against his chest whilst he called out for his name. He listened to his voice one last time over the phone after the latter hung up, leaving him to stand soaking wet in the middle of the terminal with his phone still pressed against his ears. That was when he realised, he was never going to find another man like Off Jumpol.


	21. Twenty

**May 2023**

Gun came home tired and exhausted. His latest project was stressing him out and it’s been six months since he started it. It had been one of his biggest jobs yet, so it was no surprise that he had forgotten to look on his phone to see a notification.

**_2 nd Wedding Anniversary._ **

They remembered talking about what they should do a couple of weeks ago when his husband reminded them of the date whilst driving back from their friends’ house. Gun had truly changed since he didn’t even force Off to do something extravagant. He didn’t even care if Off bought takeaway and a cheap teddy bear to celebrate the event. He wondered if the Honeymoon phase was slowly ending when he didn’t expect much from Off anymore.

‘Whatever you want baby’, Gun remembered telling Off as they pulled over to their garage, ‘Surprise me’

Gun came home with tired eyes, throwing his keys on the ceramic plate on the coffee table as took off his shoes and went upstairs. He needed a nap before dinner, taking off his tie and blazer, letting it drop on the floor as he walked in his closet, pulling out a shirt from Off’s side and his sweatpants.

He probably didn’t even know his husband entered the room since he was just about to fall asleep, arms hugging the pillow which smelt like his husband.

‘Gun, babe, you here?’, he heard Off’s voice from a distance.’

‘Mhhm’, he managed to let out a soft moan, a noise to indicate that he was in the room.

‘Babe’, Off chuckled when he opened the door to their bedroom, laughing at the state of Gun and their room, ‘You need to fold your work clothes before changing. It’ll get crinkled’, he called out to him, bending down to pick up the clothes Gun had just discarded on their floor, folding them one by one and hanging them on Gun’s side of the closet.

‘Can you call for takeaway? I’m too tired to cook’, Gun called out, closing his eyes again in hopes that his husband would get the picture and let him nap.

‘Why would I buy takeaway?’, Off asked, sitting at the edge of the bed. He started to comb Gun’s hair back, massaging his head when he noticed how tired he was. Off had noticed Gun’s work slowly getting to him, so he didn’t mind watching Gun fall asleep for a couple of minutes before he dragged him out for his surprise.

‘Off’, Gun whispered out his name, reaching his hand out to hold onto Off’s other hand, intertwining their fingers as he sighed in relief when Off continued to massage him, ‘Can you sing to me?’

‘What?’, Off tried not to laugh, ‘What song would you like me to sing?’

‘Anything’, he heard and with that, he started humming softly, a sweet song he heard in the radio just as he drove back home. Maybe the surprise can wait, he didn’t want to drag Gun out of bed yet, so he continued stroking his hair, just humming softly with no words, letting him fall asleep with their hands intertwined together.

‘Happy second, babe’, he whispered, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his forehead, ‘I love you’, he whispered, but Gun was already fast asleep to hear it.

* * *

Gun woke up an hour later, his hair curly and messy from the sleep as he felt a buzz coming from his phone. He looked around the bed, seeing a empty space next to him and he wondered where Off had went since he remembered falling asleep to his voice.

He took his phone from his bedside table, checking his notification with a raised brow.

**Babe: come to the place where I gave you my first gift**

‘What the hell?’, Gun read the message aloud with a croaky voice, looking down at the time to realise it had just hit eight o’clock. He looked outside the window to see the sky was already getting dark. He didn’t know where Off was and what his message meant.

**Gun: I don’t know what your first gift to me was, so how can I go there?**

**Babe: keep thinking.**

‘First gift’, Gun kept whispering to himself as he got out of bed to go to the bathroom, looking at the mirror and seeing his tired face, ‘First gift’, he kept on whispering to himself as he combed his hair and washed his face, trying to get ready whilst deciphering his husband’s vague message.

It wasn’t until he looked up at the mirror again to see what he was wearing, an oversized shirt that was still too big on him, a washed out faded print of the little mermaid on the centre. Her hair wasn’t as red as it once was, but it was still there.

‘Idiot’, Gun caught himself saying, but there was a huge grin on his face, his dimples showing when he realised what Off was making him do.

* * *

Gun arrived at the night market wearing the same shirt but he had switched his sweatpants to jeans, parking his car by the end of the road and entering the market. The place was crowded as always, strangers passing him, the smell of food and alcohol swarming the place.

He looked at the end of the market where there were stalls of clothes and accessories, walking over to P’Pon’s place to where he saw Cherry supervising one of the stalls, her eyes glued on her phone as she sat with her leg up, munching on a snack P’Pik most likely made for her.

‘Hey. Cherry’, he called out to the teenager, waving at her as he made his way over.

‘Oh, hello P’Gun’, she looked up and smiled at him.

‘You’re wearing the shoes I bought you’, Gun pointed out, leaning on the counter. She looked down and smiled, pausing the video she was watching.

‘Yeah, everyone at school loved them. Thanks P’Gun’, she said to him and he was about to ask her about school when she leaned down under the counter, taking out something and giving it to him.

‘What’s this?’, Gun asked as he took a small handkerchief. It was green had a phrase sewn at the side.

‘P’Off said you’d come here tonight, so he told me to give this to you’, she explained, pointing at the handkerchief in his hands with a playful smile on her face, ‘He’s so blunt sometimes’, she whispered the last bit as he looked down to read what was sewn in on the piece of cloth.

_First handjob_

Gun almost choked on his spit as soon as he read it, crumpling the handkerchief and hiding it from Cherry who had clearly already read it, laughing at him.

‘He’s such a fucking idiot’, Gun whispered, his cheeks already bright red, ‘Why would he give tis to you?’

‘I’m a teenager’, Cherry reminded her, ‘You don’t need to hide these things from me. We already knew what you were up to even back then’, she winked at him, making him shy as she offered her snacks to him.

‘Still’, Gun sighed in embarrassment, chewing on the fried meat, ‘I’m sorry he made you do it’

‘Don’t worry, he paid me money and promised he’d buy me a new phone’, she smiled innocently, ‘But you should probably go now, he’s probably expecting you there’

‘At Mike’s parents’ house?’, Gun asked, his curiosity and confusion growing, ‘Why would he want me there?’

* * *

Despite his questions being unanswered, he left the night market after P’Pik dragged him to have dinner, preparing his speciality and Gun’s favourite from the menu before sending him off on his way. It felt like they knew something he didn’t and despite his interrogations, they kept their mouth silent, giving him no choice but to park his car in front of Mike’s parents’ house.

**Gun: Am I supposed to knock on the door? Is Mike home?**

Gun sat inside his car, waiting for his next instructions. Mike doesn’t even live there anymore and he wasn’t just going to knock on his parents’ home and introduce himself. What would be even say if they asked why he was there? That his husband ordered him to go to the place where he first gave him a handjob? How does that even work out?

**Babe: Look outside their front gate. Mike said I was allowed to do it**

‘Do what?’, Gun asked himself, reading the message again before looking up to where Mike’s parents’ front gate was, only to be shocked when it started to light up, dozens of fairy lights running across the metal bars of the gate, twirling round the trees and hanging off the branches.

‘Jesus Christ’, he caught himself whispering in shock as the lights continued to dance. He followed the trails of the lights, which lead to a massive bouquet of flowers which rested on a tall stool. He had to come out of the car, slowly walking over to the front gates with wide sparkling eyes, passing through lights which created a runway for him as he approached the bouquet of flowers almost the size of him.

It consisted of yellow roses placed at the sides with red roses centred together in the middle, creating a vibrant array of colours. By this point, Gun knew why Off was forcing him to walk down memory lane, especially when he looked on his phone calendar to be reminded of their wedding anniversary but he couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of Off explaining why Mike’s parents’ house was one of the locations he had to add.

Their first night together wasn’t even special. He didn’t even know how to kiss, bumping his head on off and unknowingly staying still, not knowing what to do with his lips when Off kissed it.

The bouquet was massive, and a note almost got lost in the sea of rose petals if Gun didn’t pick it up, the action forcing a piece of folded card to drop to the ground by his feet. Gun quickly set the flowers down again, bending down to pick up the card. He opened it, recognising his husband’s messy writing.

_We were kids back then, but I’ll always remember how you looked like under my touch._

_Call me immature, but I’ll value the fact that I was the first to touch you like that._

_And call me a romantic, but I know I’ll be the last too._

_Come to the place where I first fell in love with you. And think hard Gun._

_I love you._

‘Dickhead’, Gun smiled, folding the card and looking around, ‘How am I gonna carry the flowers by myself?’

* * *

With the strong scented flowers resting on the backseat and rose petals scattered everywhere in the car, he finally reached their old high school. By this point, it was already the middle of the night, the streets only lit by the street lamps and the moonlight above them.

‘I’m not sneaking inside the school’, Gun whispered as he took out his phone, about to call Off when he received a message.

**Babe: I made a deal with the principal. I’ll let one of my artists perform in the school festival in exchange for one night. So, just walk in through the front entrance. The whole place is ours for the night.**

Oh. Well that surely made things a lot easier as Gun turned off his engines, walking out of the car and towards the school gates that he hadn’t visited for years.

Come to the place where I first fell in love with you. But Gun didn’t know when Off fell for him. If the question was targeted the other way around, he’d find himself walking towards the rooftop in no time. But this was Off’s question. He stood in front of the school entrance, nervously thinking. He felt giddy at the fact that Off fell in love with him when they were in high school, which meant his growing love for the boy wasn’t unrequited as he always thought it was.

When did you fall in love with me?’, Gun asked as he opened the door to the front entrance, seeing that the whole building was lit up as if school was still in progress. He passed through the corridor and made his way to the main reception where he found a box resting on one of the tables and he knew it had to be for him.

He opened the lid and when he peeked down, he saw a perfectly folded set of uniform and a note.

_Put it on. I wanna see you in uniform again._

‘For the love of God, Off Jumpol’, Gun sighed, laughing when he pulled out the shirt and recognising their old white uniform with light blue shorts, ‘I fucking hate you’, but he knew he had no other choice but to put it on. He should be annoyed with Off forcing him out of the bed when he was tired from work, but he couldn’t. Instead, he wondered how much time and strings he had to pull just to do this for him, so he changed into the school uniform, leaving his clothes folded in the box as he made his way to the canteen where he found a board at the middle, surrounded by tables.

_1 st: Gun Atthaphan_

_2 nd: Off Jumpol_

Their name was printed on a sheet of paper, pinned at the middle of the notice board that had been wheeled to the canteen. Gun knew his husband was being petty by posting his name first place. He slid his hands inside his pockets, rolling his eyes and staring at the two names which were always so close to each other but never beside. If Off mentioned the time he accused him of cheating, Gun was going to walk out of the school and go back home, but instead, he read the notice that was written under their names.

_Gun Atthaphan fell first, but Off Jumpol followed shortly._

This was probably a clue, but he still didn’t know where Off was talking about. He tried to remember their late night conversations to see if Off had mentioned it beforehand, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember. It mostly likely wasn’t the canteen, in fact, all of their fights and argument started here, so it would be ironic if Off fell in love with him here.

He was tempted to go to the rooftop to check, but he carried on walking towards the locker hall, passing the open field that was dark and quite scary if it wasn’t for the hall lights. He peeked in each classroom, trying to remember where their homeroom class was, but they were all dark and locked. Off was sat too far away from him to fall in love, they owned different parts of the classroom and they never mixed together out of repulse for the other. Oh, how times have fucking changed.

_How long have you played the violin?_

He suddenly remembered a random memory which consisted of him standing by the windows of the music room with Off leaning on one of the tables, eyeing him as he played the violin. He didn’t think Off would find him playing the violin attractive, but he had no other choice but to try the music room. He walked down the stairs, passing by the empty rooms until he found himself in the music hall, looking around to see if one of the rooms had their lights open.

_Up on Melancholy Hill,_

_There’s a plastic tree,_

_Are you here with me?_

_Just looking out on the day of another dream,_

_Well you can’t get what you want,_

_But you can get me,_

_So let’s set out to sea,_

_Cos you are my medicine when you’re close to me,_

_When you’re close to me_

He instantly heard Off’s soft voice playing inside one of the room, accompanied by a strong bass and he rushed to the end of the hallway to where one room was lit up, peeking inside the room to find Off Jumpol sitting on one of the table in school uniform – much like him – playing his bass with candles lit all around the room and a small table placed at the centre where his violin case was.

He opened the door, letting it swing close behind him as he stepped inside. Off looked up at him, smiling when Gun finally made his way to him, pointing his chin on the violin, asking Gun to join him before the song finishes.

Gun wanted to ask him why he fell in love with him in the music room, but instead, he followed Off’s orders, picking up his violin from the case and resting it on his shoulders. He knew this song like the back of his hand, so it was easy for him to join Off, his soft strings accompanying Off’s strong ones, listening to him sing to him.

_Up on melancholy hill,_

_There was you and me,_

_And a silly dream,_

_So close your eyes and kiss me and stay close to me,_

_Stay close to me_

Gun realised Off had changed the lyrics to the last verse, making him stop playing as he sang the last line again, their eyes locked on each other once the music stopped and silence embraced them.

‘Happy anniversary’, Off finally said, setting his bass down and laughing at Gun’s expression which was still a mixture of confusion and shock.

‘When did you get the time to do all of this?’

‘You said to surprise you a couple of weeks ago’, Off reminded him, ‘So, this was the first thing I thought of’

‘You fell in love with me here? Are you serious?’, Gun kept asking questions, not because he cared, but because he needed to cover the shyness that was making him act giddy, his cheeks burning red and his hands slightly shaky as he placed his violin down.

‘You just looked peaceful’, Off replied, still laughing, ‘Did I surprise you too much?’

‘A little’, Gun admitted, covering his cheeks and stepping back, staring at his husband who was in a school uniform and it was making him feel things, ‘I’m too old to feel fucking shy in front of my husband’, he mumbled to himself, but Off managed to hear it, making him laugh even more as he stood up, walking over to grab Gun’s hands off his cheeks, leaning down and kissing him without warning.

Gun felt off intertwine their fingers together, smiling as Gun parted his lips, letting Off’s tongue slip inside.

‘You gave me all this and I haven’t even given you anything’, Gun broke off the kiss and looked at Off with a guilty expression, ‘I’m sorry’

‘Don’t worry, you can still give me something’, Off smirked as he teased his hand on his uniform, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, ‘You look cute right now’

‘You’re not seriously proposing we have sex in the music room’, Gun giggled, but he snaked his arms around Off’s neck, letting him push him back until he felt himself lifted up on the table, his legs wrapped around Off’s waist.

‘That’s one thing off my bucket list for sure’, Off teased, kissing his neck and gliding his tongue down to his collarbone. Gun should be shocked with how confident Off was and how he could make him feel shy when he would usually be more controlling and in charge. It sent shivers down his spine how easily his body succumbed to Off’s touches, controlled by his lips and fingers until he was writhing in pleasure, no fucks given even though they were fucking in their old high school music room.

* * *

**London; 2024**

Off woke up late on the weekend, fluttering his eyes open as he looked down when he felt something embrace him. He looked down to see Allison, still asleep, leaning her cheeks on his chest, her hair covering her face and even landing on his. She’d spent her remaining time in London in Off’s arms, picking up after work and even joining his lunch events with his teams. She won’t be able to come back to London due to her work waiting for her, so they knew whatever they had was something brief, short and simple.

Which was probably why it felt so damn good, even during the moments when they weren’t fucking, just eating lunch or even going out to watch the movies. They spent hours just talking about useless things, their favourite colour, their childhood memories, their first relationships and their previous ones. There was no heavy chain that was tugging Off’s mind or shutting his lips closed. He didn’t feel like his life would be over if he confessed the little things to Allison.

‘You awake?’, she murmured when she felt Off moving, reaching out to grab his phone to check the time. He had the weekend off so he didn’t need to rush anywhere, but he had been helping Allison pack, getting rid of the things she didn’t need in L.A and donating them to charity.

‘Mhhm’, Off nodded, quickly texting his team members before throwing the phone at the end of his bed.

‘I’ll be leaving in two days’, Allison whined as she stretched her arms, yawning from the sleep, ‘Are you gonna drop me off to the airport?’

‘If you want me to’

‘I supposed you don’t have to’, Allison chuckled, her voice croaky from sleep and other things, ‘I can get your guilty conscience is already killing you’, she whispered, creating a space between them as she turned to look at Off’s side profile, his brow in a permanent look of worry, ‘You’re contemplating whether you’re cheating or not’

‘Legally, I am’, Off replied to her, but when he turned his body to face hers, two eyes staring at each other, he smiled as he reached his hand out, tracing her eyes, fingertips grazing down to her cheeks till it landed on her lips, ‘But we don’t love each other anymore, so I guess this doesn’t count’

‘You sure about that?’, Allison joked, poking his stomach, ‘It looks like you’re still in love with him’

‘How would you know?’

‘You’re easier to read than you think’, she giggled, rolling her eyes, ‘You’re not the mysterious man you like to paint yourself as’

‘So, what gives it away?’, he asked, curiosity getting the better of him, ‘Do I accidentally moan his name instead of yours or what?’, he asked, laughing since he knew that wasn’t true.

‘You talk a lot in your sleep’, Allison mentioned and when she did, his smile slowly faded, a blank expression on his face, ‘You say his name a lot. Do you dream about him?’

‘I don’t remember my dreams’, Off confessed, ‘But it’s probably because the separation is fresh’

‘You’re still married. You can’t call it separation’

‘You’re next to me not him’, Off pointed out, ‘I think that defines separation’

‘You’re not gonna tell him about me, are you?’, she questioned curiously, letting Off’s shirt fall from her shoulders, exposing her collarbone marked with bruised kisses from last night.

‘I won’t be seeing him any time soon’, Off sighed, ‘My contract here lasts for six months, and who knows, I might forget you by then’

‘Harsh’, Allison laughed, but she understood. She didn’t know whether she was going to remember Off either, but it didn’t matter. They stopped caring and allowed the moment to sweep them off their feet until they’re ready to face reality and move on from their individual heartaches. She leaned in, tugging Off’s shirt as she pulled him into a kiss, soft and innocent compared to their lewd ones the previous night, ‘I’ll go make breakfast’, she offered, throwing the blanket off her body, showing her long slender legs, but Off pulled her back to bed.

‘I’ll do it’, he said, distracting himself as he buried his nose in her hair, smelling her scent of lavender and peaches, washing away the expected scent of cologne that he had gotten used to sleeping next to for four years. It’s been almost two months since he moved to London, but due to Allison complaining and with a lot of YouTube tutorials, Off managed to learn how to cook a few things without making it taste like poison.

‘Hurry up and make me breakfast then. We haven’t all day’, Allison teased, but when Off gave her a smug expression, she knew they weren’t going to leave the bed any time soon.

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

‘How’s work?’, Neen asked as soon as she saw Gun entering the empty space. Her restaurant was nowhere near finished, the shop being renovated completely to the point where they had to tear down walls to make more room. She was wearing a helmet, overlooking every little detail as she watched the construction workers rebuilding the walls with stronger material.

‘It was okay’, her brother in law answered, setting down his briefcase on one of the slabs as he clipped on his own helmet. Gun had gotten used to visiting Neen after work and at first it was because the woman was insistent, calling him none stop during work and messaging him to visit her, ‘When are you going to start designing the interior?’

‘Hopefully in two months time’, Neen explained, showing him the blueprints, ‘I wanna make sure this place lasts long. It’s been rotting away for nearly three years without anyone using it’, she explained with a worried expression, ‘I wanna make sure it stays strong’

‘I’m sure it will. Off wouldn’t have given it to you if it wasn’t’, Gun reassured her, massaging her shoulders as he waited for her to finish her conversation with the supervisor before they go grab a drink at P’Pik’s stall.

‘Has Off called you?’, was the first think P’Pik always asked Neen as soon as they arrived to his stall, passing them his specialty dish and a glass of beer each, the pair of them watching as the night market began to awake once the sun starts to slowly set.

‘Not yet’, Neen replied, ‘But I’m sure he will’

‘Don’t keep your hopes up’, Gun said to her, ‘He forgets people easily’

‘You and I both know that’s not true’, she snickered, digging into P’Pik’s meal. Neen didn’t have much filter when it comes to her words, especially when it came to teasing the stranger who had now become her brother in law in a matter of months. She only found out a few weeks ago that Gun didn’t sign the divorce papers, which meant he was still family, ‘Off will come back once he reads your letter’

‘Anyway, are you selling the house?’, P’Pik asked as he continued to prepare his new menu for tonight, turning to look at Gun who shook his head.

‘I like the place’

‘Seems pretty lonely living in a big house by yourself’, P’Pik pointed out, ‘Just for your peace of mind, you should buy a small apartment’

‘No, I’m fine’, Gun disagreed, drinking his beer as he leaned his back on his chair and loosened his tie, ‘I like living in the house’, which was half a lie and half truth. He did in fact left lonely the moment he returned home from work. The bed was suddenly too big for him and the pool felt like the ocean whenever he swam in it. But it was the one place he and Off both treasured deeply, so he didn’t have any guts to sell it. But even if he did want to sell the house, he couldn’t, because Off was still co-owner. His name was still written beside his.

‘Well, if it gets too suffocating, you can always stay at my apartment’, Neen offered, ‘The drive to your firm would be a little longer, but it won’t be too bad’

‘Thanks’, Gun smiled at her, ‘But I said I’m fine’, the silence came next when they focused on their meal, looking down on their phones and finishing their food.

‘Ah, how about your family. Have you met with them?’, Neen asked when she looked up from her phone, staring at Gun, ‘You said you were gonna take your stepsister out to Bangkok’

‘Oh yeah. She’s coming next week. She’ll be staying at mine’s’

‘If Off was here, do you think he would’ve let you meet up with her?’

‘That was the problem’, Gun sighed, remembering Off’s bitter attitude whenever the topic of conversation was Gun’s father, ‘He would’ve said no instantly. He hated that I was getting close with my dad and his family’

‘Can’t blame him’, Neen clicked her tongue, talking with her mouth full, ‘It’s not like he could beg my mum for forgiveness and become friends with her. She’s dead. And she died hating him, so he’ll have to live with the fact that you’re luckier than him to regain your family. Probably why he couldn’t tell you shit either’

‘Well, if he knew who he married, then he wouldn’t have to worry about being judged’, Gun whispered, finishing his drink and kissing his teeth to get the food stuck between his teeth, ‘His fault for being insecure’

‘Like I said’, Neen raised her glass at him, ‘Can you blame him?’

Yes. Gun could definitely blame him for being too insecure and expecting him to act a certain way. But then again, he couldn’t blame someone’s reaction over a situation based on their past trauma and experience. Off was careful because he was raised to be careful. He also wasn’t very expressive of his troubled minds purely out of convenience. Tough luck on Gun because he couldn’t even fully put the blame on Off.

‘You should go and fuck someone’, Neen brought him out of his daze, making Gun scrunched his nose in disgust at the idea.

‘We may be separated, but I’m still married’

‘So what?’, Neen snorted, ‘You’re not actually going to believe Off is going to be celibate in London, right? He may be Off, but he’s still a man’

Gun had thought about that. In fact, he stayed up all night at the idea of Off being with someone else. He’d dealt with it before, listening to the gossip during homeroom, whispers from his classmate as he heard about Off’s dates and relationships. He remembered it being brutal, wondering if Off was going to make fun out of a virgin like him having a crush on him.

He wondered if it was going to be the same. How much would it hurt now, knowing that Off was fucking someone else. Would he be jealous? Insecure? Vulnerable? Or would he just break at the fact that despite the ring he stole wore around his finger, he could no longer call Off his?

‘I’m not gonna sleep with anyone’, Gun vowed, saying it out loud, which was odd since that was all he ever did before he met Off again. He supposed he knew how empty it really felt waking up in a bed with a stranger. It was worse offering himself up to someone who knew was going to forget him and he didn’t think he wanted to feel that way again.

‘Suit yourself’, Neen whispered, ‘But at least try and kill some time. Who knows when my brother will be back from his little teenage runaway phase’

* * *

Tay finished his work, loosening his tie a little as he left the meeting room. His father had been dumping all the work on him after he retired, choosing to work part time, coming in for a few days whilst spending the remainder of the week travelling. It felt exhausting not having his father make the final call and he was worried if it was going to take a toll on his involvement at home.

New already spends more time with Frank, he didn’t know whether it was going to be the same when their daughter arrived.

He really needed to speak with Off. His best friend would know what to tell him to get his mind out of the dark, but the bastard had ran off once again. He always made excuses for Off, even when he knew his best friend was in the wrong, and he contemplated whether he should’ve called out Off instead, maybe then he wouldn’t keep running away when something wrong happens.

He looked down at his watch, noticing that it was getting late, so he rushed to his office, picking up his briefcase and heading out of the building.

Just as he was about to head to his car, he heard loud honking coming from the front of the building, making him jump, dropping his briefcase on the floor.

‘What the fuck?’, he shouted at the parked car, about to scream to the owner to find his own husband on the driver’s seat.

‘Hey’, he saw his husband laughing at him, waving his hand out the window, ‘You finished work late, so we came to pick you up’

‘We?’, he asked and just as he did, he saw Frank sat on the backseat, pressing his windows down and raising his vanilla ice cream at him.

‘Can we eat out tonight?’, Frank asked whilst eating his ice cream, ‘Dad hasn’t cooked anything for dinner yet’

‘I have a job of my own’, New defended himself, ‘I can’t cook everyday’

‘And I don’t expect you to’, Tay chuckled, picking up his briefcase from the ground and asking to New, leaning in to press his lips against the latter. They heard gagging noises coming from the backseat, but they ignored their son’s screams of disgust, New tangled his fingers through Tay’s hair, pulling him in until his husband was practically leaning inside the car.

‘Enough! Please!’, Frank shouted, kicking the driver’s seat, forcing them to stop, ‘That’s disgusting!’

‘Hop in’, New ignored him, beckoning Tay to his car, ‘We’ll eat out tonight’

‘My car’s parked over there’, Tay reminded them.

‘You can come back for it tomorrow’, New smiled, unlocking his car doors, ‘I’ll drop you to work tomorrow’

‘Sounds like a plan’, Tay ginned, leaning in to give him a quick kiss whilst he walked to the other side of the car, grabbing what was left of Frank’s ice cream and throwing it to the nearest trash much to the latter’s screams.

‘No vanilla ice cream in this household’, Tay turned and playfully glared at Frank, ‘And for the love of God, stop eating snacks before dinner’, Frank stuck his tongue out, cursing under his breathe when Tay closed the door.

‘Have you visited Alice?’, Tay asked his husband, feeling relaxed when he didn’t have to drive home after a tiring day at work, ‘She wants Emma to be comfortable with all of us’

‘We don’t have to visit her everyday’, New mentioned, but he knew why Tay asked. He was getting scared at his friends were slowly departing themselves from his life, too focused on their own to make time for him. New was aware that his husband relied on his friends more than he let on and Off’s departure affected him as much as it did the first time. He reached out his hand and squeezed it tight, giving him a warm smile as he treated Tay to dinner.

The only thing he could do for him is to stay by his side like always.

* * *

**London; 2024**

Off parked his car in front of the school, waiting amongst the parents in his work clothes. Upon Allison’s suggestion, he had decided to reach out to Michael and keep in contact with him. He remembered his mother’s fiancé giving him his number but he had stored it away with no intentions of ever calling it until one day, Allison advised him over dinner to at least try and get along with his mother’s new family.

That didn’t work in his favour since Michael was too excited to drag Off back into his household, asking him to pick up his girls from primary school. It also didn’t help that he was the youngest looking guardian waiting in the playground for school to end.

_‘Who’s that?’_

_‘I haven’t seen him around yet’_

_‘Maybe there’s a new child in school and he’s the dad’_

_‘He looks too young to be a bad’_

_‘And too handsome’_

God, it was so embarrassing, but the Brits never cared if they’re heard by anyone, so they kept on talking about him whilst he pretended to be on his phone, reading his work e-mails and scanning through his project files.

‘Jumpol!’, Agatha and Helen screamed out his name simultaneously, Off finding it creepy that the twins looked exactly alike and was wearing their clothes the same way, but he smiled at them anyway, waving his hand and greeting the girls. He didn’t think he’d ever see them again, but he didn’t it mind it at all, letting them hug both of his legs as they continued to call out his name.

‘Oh, who’s this?’, one of the mothers asked as she approached the twins, ‘Your dad’s not picking you up?’

‘No, he said our brother wants to take us out for ice cream!’, Agatha replied enthusiastically.

‘Your brother?’

‘I’m Michael’s fiancé’s son’, Off introduced himself to the group of mothers beside them. Agatha, who already wanted to leave school, reached out to grab his hand, trying to drag him to the front gates, ‘I just moved from Thailand and Michael thought it would be a good idea for me to get to know the girls’

‘Oh, well I hope you like it so far’, another woman joined in the conversation whilst she held her son’s hand, ‘I hope it’s not too cold for you’

‘No, it’s okay’, Off smiled back, ‘I’ve studied here before, so I’m used to it’

‘Ah, I can tell by your accent’, she smiled, noticing the mixture of Thai and British in Off’s idiolect.

‘Jumpol! Come on, I wanna get ice cream!’, Agatha kept on pulling at his sleeves whereas Helen was patiently waiting for him to finish his conversation.

‘I better be going’, Off announced their departure, bowing his head to the mothers before allowing himself to be dragged by the twins. He didn’t know why he was doing this. He never wanted to see his mother after the stunt she pulled last Christmas, but Allison had a point. Forgiveness isn’t necessarily for the other person, but for him to move on from all the bullshit that kept tying him down. Plus, it’s not like he had the privilege to be picky over his family. Michael and the twins probably had no idea of the long and complicated history he and his mother had, so he couldn’t hate them too.

‘What ice scream do you wanna get?’, Off asked as they head to his car, ‘Vanilla?’

‘Ew, no’, they both shook their head in disgust, ‘We want chocolate’

‘Oh, okay’, Off laughed, making sure they had their seatbelt on in the backseat. He imagined his best friend getting along well with the girls and he wondered how Tay and New were doing back in Thailand, ‘Let’s hurry so you can tell me all about school’, he said to them, earning a wave of cheer and screams.

Three sisters. How the fuck did he end up with three younger sisters in a span of a year? And why was he the oldest one? These types of questions kept him awake at night and he wondered whether things were going to be different or whether it’ll stay the exact same. He wondered if this was what Gun felt when he found out he also had a younger sister. He questioned if he suddenly felt responsible, maturing at the idea of someone younger looking up to him. He wondered if he ruined Gun’s relationship with Pim but keeping him to himself and refusing to let Gun anywhere near them. He supposed it was too late to admit how selfish he was when he himself had hypocritically ignored his husband’s dissatisfaction and followed through with reaching out to his family. He hoped Gun had found himself someone who would drive him to Pattaya and spend the weekend with his dad’s family, someone who won’t be afraid to let Gun go and heal himself with whatever’s left of his fucked up childhood.

‘Hey!’, Allison was already waiting for them inside the shop by the time they arrived.

‘Hello, who’s this?’, Helen asked him when she hoisted herself up on the chair, her feel dangling in the air as she chose to sit next to Allison who already ordered ice cream for everyone.

‘She’s a friend of mine’, Off answered.

‘She’s very pretty’, Agatha commented, ‘Is she your girlfriend?’

‘No’, Allison answered for him, giving him a spoon and sliding a chocolate ice cream in front of him, ‘I’m just a friend’

‘You should be his girlfriend’, Helen poked her arm, a shy smile on her face, ‘He’s a very nice man’

‘You’ve only met me twice’, Off reminded the girls as they dug in, slurping the ice cream, leaving stains on their mouths and cheeks.

‘But you’re our brother’, Agatha pointed out, ‘And you’re treating us to ice cream, so that means you have to be nice’

Allison chuckled, winking at Off as she passed him a napkin. Off rolled his eyes and took it, helping the twins clean their face whilst they continued eating.

‘I told you they’d like you’, she whispered to him when the girls were too busy laughing at each other, eating their ice cream and playing around to notice the adults talking, ‘I told you so’

‘I don’t need you to gloat’, Off whispered back, biting the last of his ice cream, ‘This is temporary. I’m only making peace before another storm pesters in my mind’, he told her and in a sense, it was true. He still had no plans on staying long enough to embed himself into his mother’s new family. Their relationship was too broken, it would be like stepping on glass. Off would bleed to death.

‘Jumpol, are you gonna pick us up tomorrow too?’

‘No, but I’ll visit next week’, Off spoke to them. The calmness between them was a lot less stressful than his first meeting with Neen, so he relaxed a little.

‘Hey, why don’t we take a picture?’, Allison suggested, taking out her phone and opening her Instagram. The girls already squealed in excitement, hugging either side of Off’s arms as he awkwardly looked down on them, giving Allison a questioning look as she stretched her arm out.

‘Do we really need to take a photo?’, he asked, but it didn’t look like he had much of a choice as Allison ordered him to smile, taking a group selfie as they spent the evening together. Off looked over her shoulders, seeing the twins’ wide smile, leaning on him as he put on a small smile. Allison was also in the picture, her grin wide an beautiful. She didn’t forget to tag him, smiling to herself when she posted the picture.

‘Now, after ice cream, why don’t we go to the park?’, Allison suggested, making Off eye her as Agatha and Helen cheered at her idea.

‘You just love taunting me, don’t you?’, Off rolled his eyes, ‘I only promised them ice cream’

‘I’m leaving tomorrow’, she pouted, ‘I’m getting the most out of you now’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

‘Oh God’, Mild looked up on her phone as she sat up on her bed.

‘What is it?’, Jane asked, about to fall asleep when her wife stirred up in bed, opening the lamp side table, ‘What happened?’, she tied her back, turning to look at her wife’s phone which lit up in the dark. What she saw gave her the same shocked reaction as Mild’s, seeing Off’s instagram where he uploaded a new photo, which wasn’t a big deal, other than the fact that he wasn’t person in the photo.

‘Who’s that?’, Jane asked, watching Mild tap the photo to where a woman’s Instagram account was tagged. She was hugging a young girl, the boy of them sitting at the end of a slide whilst Off was embracing an identical young girl, the pair of them sat on the grass beside them.

‘Allison’, Mild read her name out loud, scrolling down her account and seeing countless of photos of her, ‘She’s fucking beautiful’, she murmured, earning a hit from her wife who glared at her, grabbing her phone and looking through the comments.

**_offjump_att: with the lovely girls and @allisonwilson_ **

**_allisonwilson: the girls look cute and so do you ;)_ **

‘And so do you?!’, the both shouted simultaneously as they read her comment, their eyes bulging out as they turned to stare at each other.

‘Who is she?’, Mild asked again, zooming into the photo, looking at her face, ‘Please tell me they’re just colleagues’

‘Please tell me Gun blocked Off on Instagram’, Jane whispered, checking Off’s following, trying to look for Gun’s profile and sighing when she didn’t find him on his followers list.

‘We need to make sure he never sees Off’s account’, Mild sighed, ‘I can’t believe he’s already hanging out with other people’

‘Off’s always found it easy to get along with everyone’, Jane pointed out, throwing the phone back on Mild’s side of the bed, ‘I just hope they’re just friends’

‘Shit!’, Mild shouted, tapping through the woman’s stories and finding her standing too close with Off, but really surprised her was the way Off held on her waist, ‘Look at this’, she stretched her phone out for Jane, ‘He never used to show off Gun on his social media’s’

‘This isn’t his account’, Jane pointed out, ‘It’s the girl, Allison’s’

‘And he just let her take photos of him?’, Midl furrowed her brow, refreshing her page just in case she updated her stories.

‘Well, he just got divorced. I won’t be surprised if they fucked’

‘Two months babe’, Mild rolled her eyes, ‘It can’t take Off Jumpol two months to get over Gun Atthaphan. That’s impossible’

* * *

**London; 2024**

Off raced his hands against her leg, his fingers teasingly grazing her skin as it climbed under her skirt. He smiled at her warm chuckled after they retired for the evening at Allison’s apartment for a change. They had just dropped off the twins back at the apartment, Michael fetching them downstairs so Off didn’t have to go up and see his mother.

‘You did well today’, Allison whispered, filling in their silence with conversations as Off continued to lather her neck with kisses, ‘I told you, you’d get along with your step sisters’

‘They’re kids’, Off replied back, looking up at her as his hands rested on her thighs, ‘They’re not hard to win over’

‘But at least you’re taking baby steps in trying to be civil with your family. It’s doing you good and you know it’, she pointed out and she did have a point. Ruining his mother’s previous relationship before returning to Thailand may not have been the best for anyone, leaving both of them scarred and just as hateful over each other. He realised revenge was an action that had no satisfying result whatsoever.

‘I’m still not gonna talk to her’

‘How about your father?’, Allison asked, bringing her hands to rest on Off’s cheeks, forcing him to stare at her as they felt each other’s chest between against the other, ‘You said he’s admitted to his mistakes. Shouldn’t you stop with the torture and give him another chance?’

‘As a girl, shouldn’t you be pissed at a man like my dad?’, Off asked, leaning his elbow on the mattress as he touched Allison’s hands, ‘He has no respect over women’

‘And you’re currently cheating on your husband with me’, Allison said, ‘You’re not too different from him, are you’

Off sat up, staring at Allison who laid on her mattress, her long locks flowing down her shoulders and for a second, everything stopped feeling good. Because in Allison’s place, he saw Gun instead, his husband staring widely at him. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes were locked onto his.

‘You have a way of ruining the moment’, Off rolled his eyes, getting off her as he sat at the end of her bed, reaching out for his shirt.

‘All I’m saying is, maybe your dad deserves one last chance. Don’t you think?’, she rolled her eyes, calling out for him when he stood up.

‘I’ll forgive him when Neen does’, Off decided, walking off to the kitchen and grabbing himself a drink. He received Gun’s letter a few weeks ago and he received a text from Neen apologising for giving Gun his current address. He had read it over and over again, not knowing what to do with the letter. He had kept on calling his lawyer, asking for a second proceeding, but with Gun’s side’s continuations denial for a second meeting, he had to choice but to think things through one more time.

‘Are you still thinking about Gun?’, Allison asked as she joined him in her kitchen. She only had on lingerie, leaning on the counter as she faced Off, ‘If you wanna give your mind a rest, why don’t you just call him and ask for a second meeting yourself? Why do you want your lawyers to sort it out?’

‘Because I don’t wanna speak to him at the moment’, Off said, ‘How would you even begin to explain it? Oh, hey Gun I didn’t know we were still married, by the way I’m sleeping with someone else already, do you want me to twist the knife while I’m at it?’

‘You don’t have to talk about me’, Allison reiterated again, grabbing the drink from Off’s hands an setting it down on the counter, ‘I’m sure you can have a conversation without mentioning me’

‘I’m not gonna lie to him if he asked’, Off pointed out, ‘I’m not gonna follow my dad’s footsteps’

‘Fine. You do you’, Allison sighed, combing back her hair and letting it fall behind her back, soft curls by her sides as she leaned forward and tiptoed, pressing her lips against his, ‘But since I’m leaving to tomorrow and I may or may not have to see my ex for the first time since I ruined his life, can’t tonight just be about me?’

‘You need to stop being scared of seeing your ex again’, Off said, letting her take off his shirt as they stood in the middle of the kitchen, ‘Your friends and family at home won’t let him go near you’

‘I’m not scared of seeing him. I’m scared of falling for him again after all the shit he put me through. I’m more sentimental than I give off’, she whispered, her eyes finally sharing the same clouded worry that Off had, ‘I gave him eight years of my life. No matter how much we hurt each other, we still have history’

‘No amount of history can force a person to stay once they decide not to love you anymore’, Off said, snaking his arms around her waist, pulling her closer until their skins touched, ‘And you don’t love him anymore. So let go and move forward. You’ll find a better man than him’

‘Like you?’, Allison asked, chuckling when Off’s smile faded, ‘I’m only kidding. I know you’re still taken’

‘Maybe we shouldn’t fuck tonight’, Off said, although their actions said otherwise as he teasingly slid her bra straps down her shoulders, pushing her against the counter and lifting her up until she was sitting with her legs wraps around his waist.

‘Or you could make me forget about him one last night?’, Allison asked as she tugged his hair, forcibly pulling him in for another kiss.

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

Gun was walking Bibii in the park, headphones plugged in as he listened to music. Jaylerr’s album had just dropped and he thought he would never listen to it, but he kept on remembering his last conversation with Jay.

No one’s written him an album and he supposed it’s not a typical vow of love, so he couldn’t even ask his friends if they’ve had a song written for them. His feelings with Jay had been too complicated, he still don’t know whether he hated him.

**_Jaylerr – Midnight Rendezvous_ **

**_Playing next: Sex_ **

_Now we’re on the bed in your room,_

_And I’m about to fill his shoes,_

_But you say no,_

_Does he take care of you?_

_Or can I easily fill his shoes,_

_But you say no,_

_And I’m not trying to stop you love,_

_If we’re gonna do anything, we might as well just fuck,_

_He’s got a boyfriend anyway, he’s got a boyfriend anyway_

Jay definitely took artistic liberty with the lyrics, but he supposed husband didn’t have the same ring to it as boyfriend. He rolled his eyes but kept on listening to the song, letting the guitar riffs distract him from noticing Bibii running off as soon as they arrived to the park, rolling around the grass and barking for her owner to quickly follow. He wondered how Off would react if he ever listened to the album.

‘P’Gun!’, he took off one of his earbuds as he heard his name being called, Frank calling out to him as he ran to him, ‘My dad told me you walk Bibii here every morning’

‘What’re you doing here?’, he asked, watching Frank sitting on the grass and picking up Bibii who was just as excited to see him.

‘I missed Bibii. I haven’t seen her in ages’

‘And I miss you too’, Gun rolled his eyes sarcastically when Frank didn’t even mention him, stopping the music from his phone. He joined in with Frank, sitting on the grass and petting Bibii’s ears, ‘You stopped visiting the house’

‘P’Off left, that’s why’, Frank answered truthfully and Gun didn’t know whether to hit him or not, ‘I liked him better’

‘Twist the knife harder’, Gun rolled his eyes, laying his back on the grass and looking up at the blue skies, ‘Everyone preferred him than me’

‘That’s because he’s nice to everyone’, Frank replied, ‘No offence P’Gun, but you’re rude when people don’t agree with you’

‘God, I hate the fact that you’re officially New’s son. Now I can’t even hit you’, Gun sighed, trying hard not to raise him voice, ‘You need to stop being blunt, no one likes that’

‘P’Off said I should be more blunt so I know who my real friends are’

‘Are you in love with him or something?’, Gun asked when the boy kept on mentioning his husband’s name over and over again, ‘You talk about him more than I do’

‘He took care of me’, Frank explained, ‘No one’s ever done that’

‘Doesn’t your dads take care of you?’, Gun asked, ‘You don’t talk about them as much as you talk about Off’

‘It’s because he saved me’, Frank whispered, laying beside Gun, letting Bibii rest on his stomach as he looked up at the same sky, watching the clouds above them, ‘When I ran away the first time, he was the one who found me’

‘Yeah, I remember’, Gun nodded, ‘He took you back to your parents’ house looking like a hot mess. Your uniform was torn’

‘That was because I fell’, Frank admitted, a story he hadn’t told anyone, ‘I recognised his car pull over, so I started running… I didn’t know where I was looking and I tripped. I fell and rolled down the hill’

‘Are you serious?’, Gun turned to look at him with a raised brow, ‘New didn’t tell me this’

‘That’s because they didn’t know’, he explained, ‘Off saved me and pulled me out the thorn bush’

‘Are you serious? Were you okay? Did he send you to the hospital?’, Gun kept asking, sitting up and stroking Frank’s hair back.

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m fine’, Frank tried to pull Gun’s hand off his face, ‘He pulled me out quick and carried me to his car. He had a first aid kit at the boot of the car and he took care of my cuts before driving me back to my parents’ place’

‘He didn’t tell me that’, Gun whispered.

‘It’s because I told him not to’, Frank explained, ‘I didn’t want anyone to know’

‘Was it because you started crying?’, Gun joked, ruffling his hair.

‘It was because P’Off got hurt too’

‘What?’

‘His arms got scarred when he pulled me out and I was scared that my dads were going to be angry with me for hurting their friend, so I asked him not to tell them’

‘They weren’t going to blame you’, Gun said, ‘I mean, they’d be worried for the both of you, but they wouldn’t say it was your fault’

‘That was what he said, but I told him I always got blamed for everything. My previous foster parents blamed me for everything back then’

‘That’s fucked up’

‘You did that with P’Off’, Frank pointed out when Gun was about to comfort him, saying something blunt again which made it harder for Gun to act nice to his friends’ kid, ‘You blamed him for everything too’

‘That was because it was his fault’, Gun defended himself, ‘I didn’t blame him for no reason’

‘You accused him of cheating’

‘Who wouldn’t? Would you be understanding?’

‘Yeah, this is P’Off we’re talking about’

‘God Frank, way to make me feel better’, Gun gave up, picking up Bibii from his stomach and placing her next to him instead, stroking her ears and feeling her collar – the one that Off bought.

‘I heard my parents talking this morning’, Frank turned to stare at his godfather, ‘They said Off already has a new girlfriend’

Gun stopped stroking Bibii, his expression falling as he stared at Frank. The kid says a lot of stupid shit, but he was blunt and truthful, so he had no other reason to deny what he was saying.

_Fall in love with someone else, if you want._

He had accepted the fact that Off was probably going to try and move on from him, so he prepared for the day that he’ll hear Off name with someone else. But fucking hell, it still hurt like a bitch.

‘Frank, can you keep a secret?’, Gun asked when he twirled the ring around his finger, still not taking it off despite his friends’ asking him to. Only Alice knew why he still kept it on, but everyone else thought he was holding onto something that had already gone, advising him to let it go and move on.

‘What?’, the boy asked, turning to look up at the sky.

‘I’m still in love with him’, he whispered, letting the burning confession roll out of his tongue after keeping it in since the airport.

‘I can tell’, Frank replied back, not at all surprised, ‘Everyone can’

‘Everyone but him I guess’, Gun sighed, closing his eyes and imagining what Off would look like if he came back right now, how he would wear and old shirt tucked into his jeans, walking down the park and turning his head just to look for him. He wished he had never slammed those papers on his desk all those months ago, but he was also starting to think it was for the best. Off’s mind was clouded with shadow and worry. If he needed to untangle his mind without him, then he had no rights to stop him.

‘Her name’s Allison’, Frank kept talking, not reading the room or Gun’s expression, ‘She’s really pretty’

‘Good for him’, Gun said. He continued to look up at the skies, watching the cloud move above him, trying to avoid Frank’s glance when he felt something wet trickle down the side of his cheeks.

* * *

**London; 2024**

Off found himself back in Heathrow Airport, killing time with Allison whilst she waited for her flight. They’d already handed in her bags and he took her out to lunch one last time.

‘So, what did we go over last night?’, Off asked her, reminding her of the pep talk he gave when she was worrying about meeting her parents after explaining to them that the wedding would be off.

‘That it’s not my fault’, Allison replied, finishing her meal whilst she chuckled at him, ‘And I shouldn’t blame myself’

‘Good’, Off smiled back, reaching out to his his thumb over her lips, getting rid of the stain on her mouth, ‘And don’t run away again’

‘How about you?’, Allison directed the question to him, ‘Are you gonna stop blaming yourself and stop running away too?’

‘Maybe’, Off replied, ‘But I’ll try and live my own life first. No expectations, no responsibilities over others, then I’ll think about that again’

‘I hope you find yourself’, Allison said, raising a brow as she held onto his hand one last time, ‘You’re already amazing as it is, you’ll be phenomenal once you’ve found your peace of mind’

‘I hope I’ll find it soon’, Off confessed.

‘You will. I think you’re already halfway there’, soon Allison was going to be just another stranger he once shared a part of his life with. But he was never much for sentiment so it didn’t bug him that this might be the last time he’ll ever seen the beautiful woman again.

‘I wish you the best Allison Wilson’, Off murmured, squeezing her hand before letting go as her flight time approached soon.

‘And to you too, Jumpol’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

Neen came back from the restaurant, quickly running to the living room to charge her dying phone as she finished over viewing the constructions. She was excited to get an interior designer once the constructions finished, counting down the days where she’ll be opening her restaurant. Of course, she’d need to hire a few part-timers, mainly waiters and kitchen assistants, but she was sure there were a few students in need of a job, so it won’t be too bad. And her brother gave her a shit ton of money to start up her business, so for the first time, she wasn’t nervous about the future.

Just as her phone came back to life, she already started hearing it ringing. She quickly grabbed a drink from her fridge, running back to her living room to check the caller. Her eyes widened in joyous surprised as she jumped on her sofa.

‘Off!’, she yelled over the phone, stretching her leg out and leaning it on the coffee table, ‘You finally called! What took you so long?!’

‘You gave Gun my address’, is the first thing her brother greeted her with, making her roll her eyes.

‘So what? It’s not like he’ll come and visit you. No offence, but your husband’s a coward’, she pointed out, but of course, she still had a liking towards Gun. He was sweet and cute.

‘Jesus, I can’t believe he didn’t sign the papers’, Off sighed, ‘I called his lawyers to try and set up another meeting but he keeps on refusing’

‘Divorce is a mutual agreement brother’, Neen reminded him, ‘If he doesn’t want to, then don’t force him’

‘Then what is he going to do? Wait for me to come back? What if I don’t want to?’

‘That’s his choice’, Neen commented, ‘Although, you’re gonna come back soon either way. You promised to come and visit my restaurant’, she reminded him and even though he didn’t promise him, she was going to keep calling him until he agreed.

‘How is he anyway? Is he overworking himself?’

‘No, he’s actually taken things easy’, Neen commented, ‘He’s a little quiet, but he’s forcing himself to hang out with me and his friends. Probably because he’s bored or whatever’

‘At least he’s not cooped up in the house’, Off commented, worry stricken in his expression, ‘He doesn’t like being alone’

‘Oh, no he still lives in that big ‘ol house of yours’, Neen informed, ‘He refused to move out to a smaller apartment. He said he didn’t wanna sell the home that you gave him’

‘He never used to be this sentimental’, Off sighed and Neen wondered why he suddenly called her asking about Gun when he had gotten pretty good at ignoring her calls for the past two months. Of course, she had her suspicions, especially when she scrolled down her brother’s Instagram to find that he had been fitting rather well with his new group of colleagues.

‘Why’re you worried about him all of a sudden? I thought you’re using this time away to find yourself’

‘How can I when I’m constantly thinking about him?’, Off admitted, more to himself than to Neen, ‘My only distraction left this afternoon and now I’m alone’

‘You’re talking about that girl on your Instagram, right?’, Neen asked, rolling her eyes as she turned on the TV, ‘You’re glad I took Gun’s phone and blocked your account. He would’ve been a crying mess if he saw it’

‘I didn’t know I was still married to him… I wouldn’t have…’

‘So, you did fuck her?’, Neen asked, turning down the volume and waiting for her brother’s reply, but when it didn’t come, she had to conclude herself, ‘Maybe you do take up after our dad’

‘Please don’t say that’, Off begged, his tone soft yet desperate, ‘I’m sick and tired of everyone comparing me to my parents’

‘I’m sorry’, Neen quickly apologised. Her jokes were blunt and tough much like her attitude, but she was starting to grow a soft spot for her brother to the point where she would worry over him just by the tone of his voice over the phone, ‘If you explained it to Gun, he’ll understand’

‘I was hoping he’d treat me like a stranger’, Off replied, ‘It’s better than thinking Gun was still waiting for me’

‘Is it so bad to think someone might still care about you enough to wait for you?’, Neen asked.

‘If that means I’m hurting them in the process, then yes’, Off responded, ‘Gun should’ve signed those damn papers’

‘You should’ve turned up to the meeting’, Neen reminded him, ‘I wouldn’t have lightly signed those papers if my soon to be ex-husband didn’t even bother turning up to the meeting. Can you blame him?’

‘No… I guess I can’t’, Off sighed, ‘Take care of him for me, will you?’, he asked his sister.

‘You know I will. He’s my brother in law and the co-owner of my new restaurant’

‘I’m sorry, what?’

‘Okay, nice talking to you Off. Gotta go, bye!’

* * *

**Neen: Off called me. He asked me about you.**

**Gun: Okay**

**Neen: I gave you his address for a reason. He doesn’t expect you to visit, but who knows, right?**

**Gun: I’m not gonna force myself in his life anymore.**

**Neen: Too bad. His distraction just left him. I think this is the perfect time**

**Gun: if this is about that girl he’s with, then I don’t wanna know**

**Neen: Who the fuck told you?**

**Gun: Frank**

**Neen: I’m gonna kill that kid**

**Gun: Neen, please. Just let him be. He’ll come back when he’s ready**

**Neen: You always choose the wrong time to push and wait. You chose to push Off when you should’ve waited until he collected his sanity and now you’re choosing to wait when Off is on the other side of the world, taking the time to reach out to me just to ask how you are. I don’t know about you, but I think he misses you.**

**Gun: I can’t just knock on his door. What if he found another distraction? What’s that gonna make me look other than an idiot?**

**Neen: You tore up the paper. Take responsibility and go there to take your husband back.**

**Gun: I’ve got my own life to live. I have to work and take care of my sister next week. I have my own family I’m trying to mend.**

**Neen: Is Off not part of your family anymore?**

**Gun: He always will be.**

**Neen: Then what’s stopping you?**

**Gun: if I go, will you come with me?**

**Neen: Hell fucking yeah**

**Gun: Okay. Fine.**


	22. Twenty One.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Final Chapter**   
>  _Warning: mentions of anxiety/anxiety attack_

**Suvarnabhumi Airport**

Gun looked out of the small window by his seat, lifting up his feet and stretching his legs as he nervously taps his arm rest. It was all out of impulse, booking plane tickets to London without discussing it with anyone but Off’s sister who tagged along with him, sitting on the business class seat next to him. He wondered why he was the one running after Off when in actuality, the latter should’ve been the one coming back to him.

But he remembered all the things Off had done for him and realised that all he ever did was wait, letting Off do everything, from dinner reservations and even their adoption applications even though it was him who persisted on having children early. Gun was very good at waiting because he always thought things would work out without his need to persist, but maybe this time, he didn’t want fate to pull the strings. It was his goddamn life and he wanted Off to be part of it.

‘I’ve never sat in business class before’, Neen whispered to herself, checking out the blankets which were much thicker and soft compared to economy, as well the as the extra leg room, ‘Off should’ve found me sooner’, she whispered, trying to joke and lift up the tension, but Gun wasn’t buying it. She looked down and saw his leg shaking.

She took it upon herself to reach out for his hand, squeezing it tight and feeling the ring that he still wore around his finger.

‘You’re going to be okay’, Neen whispered to him and he turned to give her a weak smile.

‘Yeah’, Gun nodded, although he didn’t believe her words of comfort. Because he decided he not only needed to see Off, but someone else that had been unintentionally become a thorn to his life. He had texted his mother and despite her disapproval, he had managed to squeeze out of her Off mother’s address in London. He still hadn’t told Neen, because he knew she was probably going to try and talk him out of meeting her, but he knew he should’ve done it sooner. She was the shadow that had kept haunting Off until he tore himself apart and left. If he had anyone to blame for their sudden downfall, it had to be her.

_‘Off has a new girlfriend. She’s really pretty’_

All of a sudden, Frank’s words kept flooding his mind to the point where he checked his phone, curious to see Off’s account to find out it was blocked. He didn’t remember blocking it, but he knew one of his friends must’ve grabbed hold of his phone when he wasn’t looking so he wouldn’t see Off. He thought it was best to keep him blocked, but every time he closed his eyes, he kept on hearing Frank’s voice, talking about how pretty she was and curiosity got the better of him.

Allison Wilson. Frank was right, she was gorgeous. She also sat beside Off with both of them smiling in her photos.

**@allisonwilson: with @offjump_att**

He scrolled down Off’s Instagram, looking through the numerous photos of food, day outs and in between were photos of him. Some were of them together, others were just of him, sitting in their living room, cooking in their kitchen or just sleeping on their bed. He had always wondered why Off didn’t take much photos of him compared to all his other exes who showed him off like a prize they won. It only took him now to realise that Off never value the idea of showing off. Of course, he used to be a fucking arrogant in high school, but when he met him again, he became more private, choosing to keep his precious memories to himself instead of sharing it with the world. He didn’t appreciate it enough, and despite seeing photos of another girl, he still felt his chest lighten at the thought that when Off was with him, he didn’t consider thinking about the rest of the world. The two of them in their own world was enough for him.

But is he going to forgive Off? Or are they even? He had kissed Jay and led him on despite knowing his heart still belonged to Off, so does that even give him the rights to be mad at Off who started to pursue someone after their separation? He didn’t even know what he would say to Off when they meet again, his mind was fogged with endless questions, unpacked emotions and an escalating churn in his stomach that made him wanna feel his embrace despite everything they did to each other.

No matter how pissed or sad he was, he still wanted Off to be near him. Screw firsts and lasts love, he wanted to grab hold to the one he still wanted after all this time and this might be his last attempt in doing so.

* * *

**London; 2024**

**Jaylerr – Midnight Rendezvous**

**Currently Playing: Mean it**

_Small talk, no conversation,_

_That look makes me impatient_

_I can’t tell what you’re thinking,_

_Last night we were more than fine,_

_Just tell me if you changed your mind,_

Mild had texted him multiple times not to listen to Jaylerr’s debut album, but her constant nagging only made him persist in listening to it. If she was here, he would tell her off for planting the idea in his head when he himself had no interest in listening to it. He knew exactly who he was singing about and it hurts a little more knowing that someone as carefree and boisterous can easily express his feelings and tell the world that he’s in love with Gun. It reminded him of the way Gun stared at him when he sung his song during the company concert. He wished he could make him feel light the way Jay did, but he wasn’t that type of person and he hated himself for it.

He didn’t want Gun to see his worse sides, so in the end, he never showed anything.

He turned off his phone, stopping the song before it was over as he walked into his bathroom, getting ready for work early. Lately, he struggled to fall asleep, choosing to sit by the window instead, looking out at the moon above him whilst he lit a cigarette. He wondered if Gun was looking up at the same time as him, finding the twilight between two times where they could be under the same moon.

Off arrived at work early, still wearing his suit and tie whilst everyone else were in jeans and sweaters. He gets made fun of for his work attire, but over the coming months, it had become a sign of respect, a symbolism of his utmost professionalism and hardworking nature that his co-workers quickly got used to. The company was doing great under his care, to the point where they sent him to manage their more problematic talents.

It was much harder, especially culture wise, many of the artist would turn up to the meeting hungover or high off their faces, sometimes they’d be found in clubs and pubs and for the worst part, there would be pictures of them fucking in publics places like monkeys. But it didn’t shock Off too much that he couldn’t turn things around.

‘Lee James will be collaborating with Billie Eilish, so we’ve hired a few new members to this team’

‘Who?’

‘Just a few make-up and hair stylists. The music video is going to be our biggest yet, so we’re putting a lot of effort’

‘Okay’, Off replied, even though he didn’t have any responsibility over the production of music or film yet his colleagues still made sure to check up on him.

That was probably the first clue that he should’ve picked up, but he had forgotten that Jane was signed to a company which sends their best stylists around the world, which was why she was sometimes out of the country for a few weeks doing fashion weeks or big movie projects.

It didn’t hit him until he walked out of his new office and was on his way to the break room when someone smacked the back of his head. Everyone in the halls looked up at the sudden burst of cry coming from him, shocked that someone would hit him and when he turned around to glare at the perpetrator, his eyes landed on a short girl with a fierce look, her hair plaited to the side, wearing a dress and a leather jacket.

‘Jane?!’, he shouted at her and for a moment their was silence as Jane’s expression suddenly softened, both of them smiling with wide grins as she squealed and jumped up to hug him.

‘Off!’, she shouted back, ‘I’ve missed you!’

‘Me too’, Off cried, feeling his chest tighten. It’s been months since he’d seen any of his friends or even spoken to them, so to see Jane made him feel heavier, because it sent a wave of longing for all the other friends he left behind, ‘You’re working for Atlantic Records?’

‘Only for Lee Jame’s music video’, she explained as soon as they parted from their embrace, ‘I took the job as soon as I found out which company I’ll be working in’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Because I wanted to surprise you’, Jane smiled, hitting his arm, ‘Did it work?’

‘Of course, it fucking did’, Off couldn’t get rid of the huge grin on his face as he pulled her into another long embrace. He felt everyone’s eyes staring at him and he knew they were wondering who the girl was that made him act like a high school kid again despite exuding seriousness during work hours, ‘I’ve missed you’

‘We’ve all missed you too’, Jane whispered, ‘Including Gun’

‘We can talk about that during our break’, Off whispered back, his smile slowly fading, ‘Why don’t I show you around London after work? This is your first time right?’

‘Yeah’, Jane nodded, ‘I’d love that’

* * *

Off took Jane to see the niche treasures in London, avoiding all the busy streets and crowded places filled with tourists and overpriced bullshit. They ended up in Shoreditch on the other side of London, walking down streets of small businesses and artisan cafes. He’d gotten really good at avoiding the important topics by dragging Jane to try the small delights, ordering sweet coffee, desserts and home specialities in each cafes. Everyone must’ve thought they were a couple if it wasn’t for the wedding ring around her finger and the lack of in his.

‘This place is gorgeous’, Jane commented, walking down the street filled with art. They had managed to walk to Brick Lane, looking through the dozens of street art painted all over the walls, bursts of colours and abstracts surrounding them.

‘It’s pretty cool’, Off agreed, passing by a blasts of bright portrait of a man in a suit slowly melting into money, ‘I’m surprised you haven’t been here. Haven’t you done London Fashion Week before?’

‘No’, Jane shook her head, ‘I was always sent to Seoul or Milan Fashion Week, but never London’

‘Mhhm’, Off nodded, silence looming over them as they finished their conversations.

‘Alice wants you to come back to meet Emma’, Jane commented, zipping her jacket when she felt the cold breeze, the evening coming to a close.

‘I can always FaceTime her’

‘You know she wants you to hold your goddaughter’, Jane rolled her eyes, ‘And Tay misses you too. He doesn’t say it, but he does’

‘He’s too busy having a family’

‘Do you do that a lot?’, Jane asked when they passed by a river, stopping as she leans on the ledge, looking down at the passing cold waters.

‘What?’

‘Pretend you’re not important in other people’s lives?’, she turned to look at him, this time the façade gone, her worried expression coming back, especially remembering her wife telling her to try and get through to Off before she boarded on the plane.

‘I’m not pretending’, Off replied, ‘I’m just not worth the time’

‘Who said that to you?’

‘No one’, Off chuckled when her expression turned sour, ‘You just start believing it when you grow up realising your own parents never really cared for you. I mean, if they don’t, then who will, right?’

‘We’re your family too, you know’, Jane mentioned, ‘And we care a great deal about you’

Off didn’t reply to that. How could he when he felt his chest burn a little hotter. His friends meant a lot to him, but when it came to divorce, it was only natural for them to pick sides, and he had hoped once he was gone, they’d picked Gun’s. He’d been through enough with him and he just wanted them to understand that out of the two of them, Gun’s friendship was worth keeping because he wasn’t a fuck up like him.

‘Gun’s a hot mess and everyone misses you’, Jane pointed out with a sad expression, ‘Can’t you just quit and come back?’

‘Hey, you think I don’t want to?’, Off quickly grabbed her arm to calm her down, looking at her furrowed brows.

‘Gun doesn’t say it, but he misses you’, she sighed, ‘But there’s just no getting through to you’, she’d taken off her plait, letting her curled hair out as she combed it back, sliding her hair ties on her wrist, ‘I should’ve never let Mild persuade me to talk to you’

Off knew Mild was gonna pull some shit this. She was always like that, but he wondered why Jane was agreeing. Despite Mild’s strong charisma, Jane was one of the few people who managed to say no to her whilst staying alive, so if anything, she didn’t have to follow Mild’s request if she thought it was futile.

‘If Gun gave you a second chance, would you take it?’, she suddenly turned to ask him, putting on the spot to which he leaned on the ledge, giving her a small yet painful smile.

‘He wouldn’t give me a second chance’, Off replied to her, breathing in the air which was a mixture of weed and coffee.

‘Why not?’

‘Did he tell you?’, Off suddenly asked, ‘That he didn’t sign the papers?’

‘I beg your pardon?’, Jane asked with a confused expression.

‘He wrote me a letter saying he didn’t sign the papers so that I’d have a reason to come back one day. But he said it didn’t mean we’re still together or anything, so I could be to whoever I wanted to be, even if that wasn’t me’

‘So you guys are still married?’, she grinned, her eyes sparkling with hope that it might be the catalyst for Off to come back.

‘The thing is, I was already with someone else even before I got the letter’, Off whispered, letting the wind catch his voice, ‘But I didn’t stop being with her after I read the letter’

‘It’s that Allison girl, isn’t it?’, Jane asked him, and when he nodded, she sighed again and tugged her hair in frustration, ‘If you knew you were technically still married, then why did you carry on with your fuck buddy?’

‘Because I didn’t believe Gun at first’, Off replied, ‘I didn’t believe that he was going to wait for me to come back. I mean, you knew how he was before we got together, he would’ve never waited for anyone’

‘He would’ve fucked around too’, Jane agreed, ‘That’s what we thought too… That’s why we were worried that he was being reclusive. We didn’t know you two were still fucking married’

‘Let me guess, you tried to set him up on dates?’, Off chuckled, laughing at Jane when she admitted, ‘And did it work?’

‘No. If what you said is true, then he’s waiting for you’

‘He won’t take me back. Not if he found out about me and Allison’, Off said to her again, turning around so his back was leaning on the ledge.

‘Did you love her?’

‘Of course, I didn’t’, Off snorted when she randomly asked, ‘I barely knew her’

‘She was all over your social media’, Jane reminded him, ‘And you barely use your Instagram’

‘She was the only who uploaded it’, Off defended himself, ‘She took my phone whilst I was taking care of my sisters’

‘Your… Sisters?’

‘Ah, yes. My mother’s getting married and I’ve just earned myself two new sisters’

‘Jesus Christ’, Jane laughed at him, ‘They should make your life into a movie. Every fucking time I talk to you, something else happens’, she knew it was insensitive to laugh at him, but she had no other way to react after Off unloaded her another amount of shit that happened to him as if each day of his life was an episode of a tacky cliché soap opera.

‘I don’t think that would be a good idea’, Off laughed with her, because there was nothing else for him to do but laugh at his own life too, ‘It’ll be a sad one’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

‘He’s what?!’, New shouted as soon as Alice told him the secret that Gun had told her, almost dropping his laptop from the table, ‘He didn’t sign the papers?! Then why did he let Off leave?!’

‘That’s what I asked him too’, Alice shouted back. She could finally let out her frustration when Arm offered to take care of Emma whilst she took some time off to relax. Ever since she gave birth, she’d been cooped up in her house, but she didn’t mind, she loved spending time with her baby, but she also needed to get away to clear her mind from stress so she could prepare to go back to work. But obviously, she couldn’t relax when the secret was swimming in her mind, begging for her to tell it to New so they could try and persuade Gun to do something about it.

‘And what did he say?’

‘He said if Off felt suffocated, then it won’t be the right choice to make him stay here’

‘Off is always gonna feel suffocated wherever he goes’, New whined, ‘Depression doesn’t just leave you because you decided to move’

‘But he’s got a point’, Alice clicks her tongue, ‘Maybe a new environment might help him. It’ll give him some room to clear his mind and maybe sort himself out. And… When he’s ready to come back, then he will. I think Gun might have done the right thing by letting him go’

‘Aren’t marriages supposed to be team work? Why can’t Gun be there to support him?’

‘You know there are some things that you need to do by yourself’, Alice said, ‘Look at you. You had to handle your family by yourself. Tay couldn’t do it for you, he just had to wait until you were ready. Why’s Off’s situation any different than yours?’

New kept quiet. He thought about it and he realised Alice was right. Even though they signed up for marriage, they still had to live their lives for their own and if that meant leaving to find some form of closure, then it was right for Off to be in London. But it still hurt. It hurt him to see his friend living alone in the big house and it hurt even more that Off was living alone across the world from them.

‘I shouldn’t have set them up’, Alice whispered, ‘It’s my fault’

‘Don’t blame yourself’, New shook his head and squeezing her hand, ‘You thought they were good for each other, so did we. Anyway, enough about them, how about you? How’s Emma doing?’

‘Oh, she’s been an angel’, Alice smiled as soon as her baby was mentioned, sparkling at the conversation as she spoke about how quiet she’s been, ‘I was scared we weren’t going to get enough sleep, but she’s such a quiet soul and she loves sleeping a lot’

‘Just like her parents’, New chuckled, ‘You and Arm had always been the quiet ones in the group’

‘But when she grows up, she’s going to go crazy’, Alice laughed.

‘Why do you think that?’

‘Because she’ll be friends with your future daughter’, Alice reminded him, ‘And knowing you and Tay, you’re going to raise someone crazy’

* * *

Frank walked out of school, saying goodbye to his classmates who were slowly becoming his friends. He’d never stayed in one place for too long to make friends, but now that he found his home, he welcomed the idea of hanging out with his classmates, even signing up for after school clubs like what his dad recommended him.

He looked down at his new phone, looking through text messages from P’Neen who he grew close to ever since Off had left. She reminded him of P’Off and how she treated him like an equal rather than a kid, and he was starting to like the feeling of adults taking him seriously, so he would always talk to her when he’s free. She probably found him annoying, but she had no other choice than to entertain him.

**P’Neen: I’m going to London to visit Off, do you want me to bring anything back?**

**Frank: Just bring P’Off back**

**P’Neen: Haha, I’ll try, but maybe you should ask that to Gun**

**Frank: Why?**

**P’Neen: Because he’s coming with me**

‘What?’, Frank shouted as soon as he read her message, but before he could call her to ask her if she meant it, she had messaged him that her plane’s about to fly, so she’ll be turning off her phone. He kept reading the message over and over again, an excitement in his stomach that made him almost jump in the air as he called his dad, waiting for him to pick up.

‘Hello? Are you hurt? Did you runaway again?’, he heard his dad pick up the phone, not even greeting him.

‘Dad, P’Gun’s going to London!’, Frank shouted at him whilst he walked home.

‘What?’

‘I spoke to P’Off’s sister. She said she’s going to London and Gun’s coming with her. They’re planning to bring him back!’

‘Are you fucking serious?!’

‘Dad, no swearing’

‘Oh, fuck that! My best friend’s coming back!’

* * *

**London; 2024**

Off was leaning his back on the kitchen counter as he watched the twin eat their late night snack whilst Michael finished washing the dishes.

‘You should stay’, Michael offered, which he usually does when Off drops the twins off, but like usual, he always refuses. He knew his mother was gonna come back after her work during this time, so it was time for him to leave, avoiding her like the plague just in case she might drop another bomb and ruin his life all over again.

‘It’s okay Michael. I’m sure that she explained to you. We’ve always had a complicated relationship’, Off commented, ‘I’m just saving face and being nice to you and the girls so I can get some peace of mind and say I’ve tried’

‘Jumpol, you’re a great man’, Michael pointed out, washing his hands and turning to look at him, whenever he saw Off, he saw someone with great potential as well as a natural kindness, ‘And I’m glad that you agreed to be part of the girls’ lives, but it won’t work if you don’t consider talking to your mother again. Maybe this time-’

‘You love her and she loves you’, Off stopped him from trying to change his mind, ‘She treats people she likes with kindness, which is probably why you’re on her side. But to the people she hates, she tears them down until there’s nothing left of them. She’s that kind of person. So, just don’t get on her bad side and don’t force her to reconcile with someone she doesn’t want to’, Off explained to him, ‘You’re a good guy, the only good one she’s ever dated actually, and maybe you’re gonna be the reason why she finally changes. But that doesn’t mean she’s gonna have a good relationship with me. That shipped had sailed a long time ago’

‘Jumpol, no matter what, she’s still your mother. So, your relationship will always be fixable if you two just work things-’

‘No, he’s right Michael’, another voice interrupted them from the hall as the kitchen door opened, welcoming Off’s mother to everyone’s shock. Off looked down on his watch, checking the time only to realise she’d come back early.

‘You weren’t supposed to be home till nine’, Off pointed out, watching her place her bag down and giving the twins a kiss on the forehead before turning back to face him.

‘And you weren’t supposed to move to London’, she pointed back out.

‘You ruined my marriage and life’, Off replied, ‘What else was I supposed to do in Thailand? Pretend to be happy?’

‘I didn’t ruin your marriage’, she replied, grabbing his wrist and dragging him to the hallway, closing the kitchen door so the twins can’t hear them, ‘Your reaction to the news was your fault’

‘You told me I was a time bomb, and that I was going to do everything that you did because I’m your fucking son’, Off growled at her, ‘What makes you think that wasn’t going to fuck me up? Especially after I’ve seen the way my sister lived?

‘I said that to you so you could be angry’, she argued back, ‘You’re just like your father. When someone tells you you’re something, you make sure you prove them wrong’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘If I told you you were a time bomb, I expected you to have proved me wrong’, she hissed, glaring down at her son, ‘But here you are, repeating every mistake your godforsaken father’s made. It’s like you’re cut from the same material’, she sneered, only frustrating Off.

‘Instead of playing mind tricks on me, can’t you have just told me to do better, like any other normal mother would?’

‘I’m not a normal mother’, she admitted, ‘And although I hate to admit it, but I don’t know you. I never raised you’

‘Twist the knife harder, why don’t you?’, Off sneered back, crossing his arms.

‘At least I’m admitting it now. Okay fine, I fucked up. I apologise, but don’t keep blaming me for everything little shitty mistake you do, because I’m sick and tired of being the cause of everyone’s problems when they were the ones who kept fucking themselves over’, she shouted at him, ‘Your father should’ve never pursued me whilst he was married, that woman should’ve never been passive in the first place and you should’ve never let your marriage fall to the ground because of me’

‘You ruined me’, Off whispered, his voice falling because he didn’t wanna argue anymore and he was sick and tired of raised voices and frustrated tones, ‘How do you expect me not to be fucked up because of you and dad?’

‘Your marriage is yours. It’s not your fathers nor is it mine. If you wanna keep being married to that husband of yours, then go. You’re an adult, you shouldn’t have to be tied down to your father’s rules or my mistakes. If I’m able to give you one motherly advice, then I’d say think for yourself and quit whining’

‘Quit whining?’, Off snorted, ‘Wow, what fantastic motherly advice. Give it up for mother of the year everyone’, he started to clap sarcastically, laughing at her bitterly, ‘May I remind you that was exactly what you did, you hypocrite’

‘And where did that leave all of us? Huh?’, she shouted back at him, glaring at the way he tried to amuse the situation, ‘I have a fucked up son who’s divorced at twenty-nine and after decades of falling for the wrong men and getting hurt, I finally found someone worthwhile. And your father? What happened to that sad old git? He’s rotting away in his lonely house with all the money in the world but no one by his side. What do you think happened to your husband because of your childish whines? Is he jumping for joy over your divorce, or is he all alone in the house you built and abandoned him in?’

Touché. Off stopped talking when he remembered what Neen told her, how Gun refused to sell their house and how lonely it must be to live in such a big place all by himself. He wasn’t the prince that would come to save him from the tower, he was the villain that put him there in the first place. And it killed him.

‘If Michael wants you to spend time with the girls and be their brother, then I’ll allow it. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to be responsible for every little thing you do’, she reminded him, ‘You and I both know I can’t be a mother to you. Not a good one anyway. The least we can do is act civil whilst we try to find our own happiness. Got it?’

But that was the thing. She managed to gain her happiness, whilst he just let his go. How can he act civil when he had nothing on his side to make him happy? When Gun wasn’t there anymore?

His time bomb was an illusion, set by his own mind who thought he wasn’t allowed to have an ounce of happiness because he carried too much baggage, a burden he didn’t wanna release on someone else. He realised, he was just a person, someone who may explode every now and then, but will always need someone to keep him warm so he can try again tomorrow.

_Stop blaming yourself and running away._

Allison’s words hit him like a ton of bricks, one of the last things she told him before she boarded on her flight never to be seen again. Why was it his fault that his parents fucked up? Why was it his fault Neen didn’t live the most privileged life? Why did he allow himself to carry other people’s baggage whilst letting go of the warmth that’s been by his side all these years? It had all been for nothing, and that only made things worse.

‘You know what. Maybe I’ll have dinner here’, Off ended the conversation and offered to stay longer. He supposed this was the closest he was going to get to a heartfelt apology from his mother, and for once, he was glad to take it. He took off his jacket and opened the kitchen door to where Michael had already cleaned up the girls’ late snack.

‘Jumpol, are you staying?’, Agatha asked, completely unaware of the argument he just had with their mother.

‘Yeah, I guess I am’

* * *

‘Jumpol, do you not like us?’, Helen asked when he was tucking her into bed, combing her hair back and turning on the night light shaped like a moon plugged by her bedside table. Agatha was already fast asleep after using all of her energy playing around with Off the whole evening, but Helen, the quieter out of the twin, still had enough energy to talk to him before sleeping.

‘What’re you talking about?’, Off replied to her, sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at her, ‘Of course, I like you. What makes you think I don’t?’

‘I heard mummy talk to daddy. She said we shouldn’t force you to stay if you don’t want to’

‘Well, I want to stay’, Jumpol smiled, ‘But only if you want me to’

‘Yeah, I want you to stay’, she said, taking out her arm from under the blanket and holding onto his wrist, ‘I’ve always wanted a brother’

‘Then I’ll stay’, Off promised her, ‘And even when I’m not around all the time, you can always call me whenever you want, okay?’

‘Okay’, Helen nodded, her eyes slowly fluttering to a close, drowsiness getting to her, ‘Good night Jumpol’

‘Night, Helen’, once Helen had closed her eyes, Off took it upon himself to leave their room, closing the doors behind him as he walked back to the dining room. He saw his mother sitting by the dining table and he realised their alone again.

It made him panic whenever he saw her, most especially remembering the days where he would get intense anxiety attacks just at the thought of her and now he has to deal with her every other weekend when he visits her new kids.

‘God, I can’t stand having to see you daily’, Off verbally confessed, not caring when his mother looked up at him whilst drinking her tea, rolling her eyes as he walked in.

‘Don’t you have a job to prepare for tomorrow?’, she asked him when he still hadn’t left, ‘I thought you couldn’t stand the sight of me’

‘I don’t’, Off replied bluntly, ‘But I like the new family you have going on and since you ruined mine, I’m gonna suck the life outta yours just by being here’

‘Tell me about that husband of yours’, she asked without warning, sliding a tin of biscuits towards his side. He looked at her up and down, wondering why she could possibly interested in his personal life, but when she sat waiting for his reply, he took a biscuit and leaned on the doorframe of the dining room.

‘Why do you wanna know?’

‘Because I’m curious’, she replied honestly, ‘What did you do with him for three years?’

‘Well, we did everything an average married couple would do. We moved into a house together, supported each other’s careers, took day trips out and planned on having kids’

‘Really? Children?’, she snorted, ‘I didn’t see you as a father’

‘Why not?’

‘Because you remind me too much of yours’, she pointed out, which only made him feel heavier, ‘I mean, you’re acting like him now by being here and not where your husband is’

‘Don’t give me a pep talk’, Off rolled his eyes, ‘You’re the last person who should be giving me one now’

‘I’m just saying’, she smirked, standing up as she finished her tea, taking another bite of her biscuit, ‘Like I said, the apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree’

Off let her leave the dining room, passing by him as she turned off the lights, but before she left him, she grabbed his arm, ‘But it still falls, so it will never be connected to the branch it once hangs off’, she left Off to see himself to the door as she head to her bedroom where her fiancé and new family were waiting for her whilst Off stood by the hallway of the apartment, looking at the empty living room. He slid his hands in his pockets, feeling his car keys as he left the house by himself.

* * *

The next day, Off decided to overlook the music video production, not because it was his job, but because he wanted to see Jane again. He didn’t wanna admit it, but he missed having Mild around to kill time during work, especially when things got stressful. She would always invite herself to his office as they shared coffee and talked about nonsense.

‘Hey, Jane’, Off walked into the dressing room to where she was cleaning up her desk, Lee James already on set and ready to film.

‘Oh, Off’, she smiled once she saw him, ‘Thank God. I was struggling to speak English to everyone’, she was glad she could finally speak her first language to someone as she wiped her hands from the foundation and eyeliner that marked her hands.

‘How’s work going?’

‘Good’, she replied, ‘I’ve done this thousands of times, so I’m used to the rush’

‘When are you going back home?’

‘Tomorrow’, Jane said, ‘Why? Are you gonna miss me?’

‘You wish’, Off snickered, ‘Do you want me to drop you to the airport?’, he offered, waiting for her reply, but she stopped paying attention to him when she looked down to check on her phone, reading her messages from her wife and friends.

‘Uh…’, Jane continued to read the groupchat which was blowing up, ‘I’m gonna go back with my team, so the company will drop me off’, she turned to smile at him, thanking him for the offer as they walked out of the dressing room and towards the film set.

Jane wanted to separate from Off, trying to ask her friends what was going on and if Gun was honestly coming to London to see him, but Off stuck by her side like gum, following her around like a lost puppy.

‘So… If you do meet Gun again and he asked about Allison… What would you say?’, Jane slid the question when Tay confirmed that Gun was definitely on his way, wondering if it was a good idea to meet with Off now since the fight and separation was still fresh for both of them.

‘I’d tell him she was the first friend I made here’, Off replied truthfully, ‘And that we were both in need of something other than the baggage we took with us when we came here’

‘So?’

‘I slept with her’, Off finished his sentence, ‘And I’d expect a slap on the face or water splashing, either way, I’ll be prepared for it’

‘Okay, pretend I’m Gun’, Jane grabbed his arm and forcing him to turn and face her whilst the rest of the staff and crew worked on the music video, ‘You have to answer me like how you would answer Gun’

‘What do you need to know?’

‘Why did you sleep with her when you still knew you were married?’, Jane asked and Off was about to say he had already answered that question the other day, but she looked serious and for a moment, he imagined Gun standing in front of him instead of her. His hands began to shake at the thought of answering that question in front of Gun.

‘Because I felt relax for the first time in a long time’

‘Fuck, do you want Gun to cry?’, Jane hit him on the arm and glared at him.

‘I’m just telling the truth’, Off defended himself, ‘It felt good having no strings attached. Look, I don’t have Allison’s number and we haven’t spoken since she left. All we discussed, everything we did is locked in our memories that we can store away and never have to open again. I can’t do that with Gun’

‘Why not?’

‘Because i’ll still have to see him the next day. He’ll ask about it again and again and I’ll be reminded how much of a fucked up mess I am. Do you know how embarrassing it is to still have mummy issues at our fucking age whilst Gun is maturing and finding it easy move on from all the bullshit he experienced when he was young. Would you admit to someone how much your past still keeps you awake to the point where I can’t fucking breathe and sometimes I can’t even function?’

Jane took a step back when Off’s tone turned angry and desperate. She’d never seen Off this openly frustrated and it scared her a little.

‘I’m not a good person’, Off sighed when he felt his chest heave out one final breath before looking up at Jane, ‘And I don’t care about sharing my worse sides to a stranger, but not to Gun. Never to him’

‘Off…’

‘Do I really have to say aloud that I’m ashamed of myself? And that I don’t like myself despite everyone thinking I’m some stuck up rich kid who shows off because he gets everything he wants. Can’t I just be depressed alone?’, Off kept asking endless of questions even when Jane grabbing his shirt, tugging him into a warm hug, squeezing him tight and crying on his shoulders.

‘I’m sorry’, Jane whispered to him, crying even though it was Off who was hurting, ‘I shouldn’t have forced you to say it’

‘It’s alright’, Off comforted her, ‘You don’t have to cry’

‘But Gun is so depressed and so are you and I can’t do anything about it’, Jane kept on crying, her wails getting louder, gaining them some attention from the staff who turned to look at them.

‘Jane, come on’, Off stroked her back, ‘I’ll buy you some ice cream, if you stop crying’, he offered jokingly, but he started laughing when he felt her head nodding on his shoulders.

‘Can it be vanilla?’, Jane sniffled, ‘Tay never lets me buy it whenever I come with him’, it only made Off laugh, shaking his head at how stupid his best friend is.

‘Sure, get whatever you want’

* * *

**London; Heathrow Airport**

Gun had never been to London before, but he noticed the air smelt different, fresh and somewhat sweet but cold at the same time. He saw Neen shivering as soon as they left the airport, wheeling their suitcases as they waited for their Uber to arrive.

‘We should take a nap first’, Gun turned to her, ‘The time difference is already fucking me up’

‘Same’, Neen whined, stealing one of his hoodies and putting it on when she felt the cold winds brush her skin. It was the afternoon by the time they arrived, but it was already night time in Thailand.

Gun looked down at the address his mum texted him before he boarded on the plane, feeling nervous and slightly guilty from hiding it from Neen. He didn’t want to force her into doing something she doesn’t want to do, so by the time they took the taxi and arrived in their hotel, he let her wash up and take a nap on the other room.

He waited until she had fallen asleep, calling out her name softly, checking if she was asleep before he took his phone which was fully charged now, taking his wallet as he walked out of his hotel room, typing the address on Google Maps. He realised that Off’s mother’s place was only a thirty minute drive from the hotel. He called an Uber and wished that Neen was too tired from the flight to notice his disappearance.

**Mum: darling, be careful and think things through before visiting her.**

He looked down when he read his mother’s last message to her before he lot his data. He wished he didn’t have to visit her, but if he wanted a second chance with Off, he needed to do this properly. He didn’t know whether she was going to be home, but it was the weekend, so he had his hopes up, looking out of the window and looking at London streets.

The city was overrated. He saw graffitis, paints of red and yellow all over the city walls, crowds of young men huddled together day drinking and smoking weed, teenagers shouting across the street.

By the time his Uber parked into a new neighbourhood, there was a shift of change from what he saw just ten minutes ago, seeing a small green park by the end of the road along side a quiet neighbourhood. He suddenly saw people of different colour and background walking down the street, some with their dogs. London truly was a diverse place and if he had the time, he would probably take the time to explore it, but instead, he looked in front of him, seeing the small apartment.

‘Thank you’, he told his driver before getting out of the car, letting the taxi turn and disappear from him.

What the fuck was he doing? Why was he here? He should’ve listened to his mum and thought this through. But he was here now and there was no point turning back and being a coward now. He walked up to the front, looking through the different apartment numbers and pressing the button.

‘Hello?’, he heard a female voice from the other side of the caller and he froze, his hands shaking.

‘Hello’, he replied back, ‘This is Gun Atthaphan…’

* * *

Neen woke up from her nap, feeling refreshed as she stretched her arms, looking out of the window to see that the sun was still shining. She reached her hand out and grabbed her phone, checking the time to realise it had only been an hour since she fell asleep, but it was enough to energise her.

‘Gun, are you awake?’, she called out to him, the door connecting their two rooms still opened, but when she didn’t get a reply, she sat up on her bed, looking at the open door to find Gun’s bed empty and still well made as if no one’s touched it, ‘Gun?’, she called out again, getting out of bed and walking to his room. His suitcase was still unopened and pushed to the side of the bed and she wondered where he had gone off to.

She was about to turn back to her room and grab her phone to call him when she saw a piece of paper on the end of his bed. Out of curiosity, she picked it up and looked down at Gun’s handwriting.

_Neen,_

_I wanted to visit Off’s mother before I go to see him. I know you and her have a tough relationship so I didn’t want you to come with me. I’ll be back soon._

_Gun._

‘You’re fucking joking’, she hissed, scrunching the paper and rushing to her phone, quickly calling the first number she could think of.

* * *

**London; 2024**

Jane was told by Mild not to tell Off that Gun would be coming to London, so she kept to herself, working alongside him. She had texted Mild that it might not be a good idea for Gun to see him yet since Off still felt low and torn about his feelings, but her wife had already texted back that it was too late and Gun could be arriving any moment.

She wanted to warn him so bad, especially after the conversation they had yesterday, but she knew it was best for Gun to sort things out with Off privately without the need for them to stick their noses up their business.

Off, on the other hand, was just about to finish his work, looking through the upcoming releases for the coming months that he was responsible for. He’d never written this many press releases, but he was excited to use his work as a distraction, saying yes to every request his boss gave him.

His window was open and he felt the cold wind enter his office, making him look outside to find the skies turning grey. It had already started raining, but it was light and barely noticeable. He knew it was gonna get heavier by the time he finished work.

 **_‘_ ** _You know, I told you I’d wait for you to come back, so why don’t you?’_

Off rolled his eyes when he heard Gun’s voice in his mind and when he looked up, he saw Gun sitting down in front of his desk with his arms folded, staring at him. He had stopped hallucinating Gun when he was with Allison, which was why he was so quick to fuck her, but now that she’s gone, Gun had been reappearing almost everyday.

‘I thought you’d disappear when I left Bangkok’

‘You’re still in love with me, which means I’m buried in your mind. It doesn’t matter where you run off to, you’re still gonna see me’

‘I’m not in love with you’, Off replied, ‘We don’t love each other anymore’

‘Wrong’, Gun laughed at him, ‘Or do you say that so you can force yourself to believe it?’

‘Why can’t you just become a stranger?’, Off whined as he sat back on his seat, abandoning his work and staring at Gun, who looked a little too real. Even the way he combed his hair back and clicked his tongue whenever he was annoyed with him looked too real.

‘You know I’ll never be a stranger to you’, the Gun in his head replied, ‘And you’re never gonna be a stranger to me. So, stop trying and go back’

‘I don’t want-’, thankfully he stopped talking to himself when he felt his phone buzz inside his pockets. The Gun in front of him turned into air, disappearing in front of him as he took out his phone to see his sister calling him.

‘Neen, I’m busy with work, what do you-’

‘Gun’s gone’, he heard his sister shouting to him, her voice breathless as if she’d been pacing around the room, ‘He’s gone’

‘Okay? Gone where?’

‘To see your witch of a mother!’, she shouted at him and at first Off rolled his eyes and concluded his sister must be drunk and he was about to tell her off when she continued talking, ‘I persuaded him to come to London to see you and I thought he was only planning to come here to talk you into coming back, but I just woke up and he left a note. He said he was going to visit your mum and I don’t know where he is. It’s been an hour since I woke up so he could still be there!’

‘Are you fucking insane?!’, Off stood up in shock, letting his chair fall behind him as his hands quivered and his breathe hitched, ‘He’s with her right now?!’

‘By the looks of it’

Off dropped his phone of the floor, hearing Neen’s muffled voice on the other side, but he couldn’t think straight at the moment. Despite his conversation with his mother the other day, the idea of her getting close with Gun still terrified the shit out of him and he felt a slow panic climbing over him until he couldn’t breathe.

‘Fuck’, he whispered to himself as he fell to his knees, leaning his head on his desk as he realised he was getting into another panic attack. He needed to drive to her place quick and get him out of there, but he couldn’t move. His muscles tensed and his vision blurred when he gasped too much oxygen, making his head spin.

_‘You’re gonna be alright’_

Off heard Gun’s voice in his head and for a moment, he thought the wind coming from the open window was Gun’s arms around him.

_‘You’re strong and so am I. We’re going to be fine’_

Off held his breath, trying to control his dizziness as he forced himself to move, feeling hot tears trickling down his cheeks when he slowly got up, counting to three before gasping for air. He leaned against his office wall, counting in his head until he caught up with his breathing, his muscles slowly relaxing as he continued to hear Gun’s voice inside his head. He couldn’t stop crying though, just the thought of Gun being in the same place and looking at the same sky as him was enough to drag him out of his spiralling thoughts.

‘Off? Off? Are you still there?’, he heard Neen’s voice shouting and he realised he was still on the phone with her. He looked down to pick up his phone, placing it in his ears again although he was still shaking.

‘Don’t worry. I’m coming to get him’

* * *

‘You’re Off’s husband?’

‘Yes’. Gun introduced himself, the pair of them sitting in the dining room, facing each other whilst Off’s mum sipped her tea. He noticed she didn’t offer him one, but he didn’t dwell on it. He only came for one thing and that was to get her son out of her grip and back into his arms.

‘So, what gives me the pleasure of finally seeing you again?’, she asked, her face nonchalantly bored and eyeing him up and down with a judging look.

‘I came to ask you for permission to marry your son’, Gun asked and his request made her laugh.

‘Aren’t you already married?’

‘Yes… But I should’ve asked for your approval before. You’re an important person in Off’s life, for better or for worse, you should give him words of comfort before letting him go to find the rest of his life’

‘Your sentimental’, she chuckled, ‘Just like him. No wonder the two of you are falling apart. You need a realist in a relationship to make it last long’

‘I’m afraid the reason our marriage isn’t the best is because of you and your grudge at your own son because he failed to make your ex-husband stay and love you when that was the reason you had him in the first place’

‘Ah, so he told you’, Off’s mum raised her brow.

‘I just need you to let him go’, Gun asserted himself, knowing that if he doesn’t, Off’s mother might drag him down to her spiral, ‘Don’t make him think about his past’

‘I never did that’, she replied, ‘He did that all by himself. I don’t control how he thinks or feels. I told him the truth because he needed to hear it sooner or later, but what he does with that after is his choice. I’m not the villain you wanna paint me as’

‘I’m not saying you’re a villain’, Gun replied, ‘But you’re definitely an obstacle. You may not think you don’t control Off, but you do, because every child wants their mother’s approval no matter how old they are and since you refuse to give it to Off, he’s going to spend the rest of his life thinking of you instead of his own life’

‘Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat’, she leaned her back against the chair, he noticed how short the man was yet his voice was strong and stern, like her own son whenever he spoke to her. They were similar in more ways then she thought, ‘Didn’t your father leave you?’

‘Off told you?’

‘No, I did my research’, she admitted, ‘I was curious to see who my son would marry. And as I thought, someone incompetent’

‘Excuse me?’

‘You shouldn’t be fighting Off’s battles when you have your own to tackle’, she voiced out, looking at her nails and fixing the rings on her fingers, ‘You saw Off fall and you wanna help him, but why don’t you be selfish? It looks like he hurt you in the process of hurting himself, yet here you are. Can’t you think about yourself a little?’

‘I’m not like you. I won’t put myself first when I can stand beside Off and walk together with him instead’

‘Oh, that sounds lovely’, she chuckled, ‘But have you been doing that all this time or are you trying to make yourself sound better than me? Have you ever walked beside Off or do you wait for him to catch up to you and get mad when he doesn’t’

Gun bit his lip. He didn’t know what to say to her accusations and he was starting to feel that she was right. He hid his hands under the table, playing with his fingers as he nervously looked back at her again.

‘I’m getting sick and tired of being the cause of everyone’s unhappiness when it was your own choices that brought you here. I never asked you to come here, much like I never asked my son to ruin his own life in my expense. I simply reminded him where he came from and what he was capable of given the circumstances of his surroundings. He was capable of changing and I sorta wish he did… Such a shame that he ended up like his father’

‘Off’s not like his dad’

‘And do you know him well enough to say that?’, she tilted her head and observed the way Gun’s expression changed. He looked so strong just a second ago, but by the look of it, it was just a façade and he was in fact just as weak as her son too, ‘Do you know yourself well enough to know what you’re doing? Are you here because of Off or are you here because you like the idea of being in control of him rather than me?’

‘I don’t wanna control him’, Gun said, but his voice was faltering, barely above a whisper, because all of a sudden, her words started to make sense. The only reason why he was frustrated with Off was because he didn’t say or do things the way he wanted him to. He wasn’t patient with him nor did he give Off the time to explain when he had already concluded on his own. It caused him to misunderstand his own husband just because he they didn’t share the same thought process.

‘Gun Atthaphan, I suggest you sort your priorities before you come here commanding me to sort mine’, she pointed out, ‘And if you think you’re going to make me feel guilty for the life I’ve led, then think again. I wanted to find my happiness and if that meant breaking others, then so be it’

Gun heard thunder from outside the window and he broke his gaze from Off’s mother and looked outside the window. It had started to rain pretty hard, the thick rain splattering against the glass as he saw something light flash, followed by another roar of thunder.

‘You should take my advice and find your own happiness’, she said one, standing up and ending the conversation, ‘Be selfish and tear everyone around you. It’ll do you good’

* * *

Gun was kicked out the apartment, the door closing to his face as he slowly walked out. He had been warned by everyone who had met her that she was going to be hard to crack, but he didn’t expect her to be this brutal. He wondered how Off could survive living under the same roof for eighteen years, and it was then that he realised he didn’t. He still had to live with the consequences of being raised by her.

He let the rain wash over him as he walked down the street, tugging his sleeves to hide his shaking hands. The rain showed no signs of stopping, soaking his hair and clothes as he continued to walk down the street, not knowing where he was going.

The streets were written in English, the skies grey and he could still hear the thunders making him quiver even more.

He felt guilty all of a sudden. What was the point of coming to London and asking Off to come back when he wasn’t even strong enough to take care of him? He let Off’s mother walk all over him and it didn’t even look like he stood a chance. Instead, he just continued to let the rain soak him until his shirt stuck to his skin. The necklace that was hidden under his shirt was visible now, Off’s ring creating a dent right above his heart. He stopped walking when he reached a bus stop, standing beside it as he looked at the park ahead of him which was empty. Everyone who was walking pass him looked at him strangely as he stood without an umbrella, letting himself get wet whilst everyone else rushed to find shelter.

London was cold. It wasn’t welcoming. The wind was too strong and the rain was too thick that it almost burns when it hit him.

‘Hello stranger’

The rain stopped hitting Gun and when he looked up, he saw an umbrella sheltering him. He turned to see who the owner was, seeing a familiar face standing beside him, his sleeves getting wet when he stretched the umbrella above him.

‘Off?’, Gun whispered, not knowing whether it was a figment of his imagination or whether it was truly Off standing beside him.

‘You flew five thousand, nine hundred and twenty-nine miles just to see my mother?’, he asked, looking down at Gun who was soaking wet, rain dripping from his face. He stretched his hand out, stroking his thumb across to wipe the rain from his cheeks, ‘Why would you do that?’

‘I came to see you’, Gun confessed, his breath hitched when he slowly realised that the Off standing in front of him was real. He lifted his hand up to stop Off’s hand from leaving his cheeks, resting it on his palm, ‘I was hoping to be the one to get through to your mum, so I can finally have you to myself again’

‘Have me?’, Off repeated his words, gripping the handle tighter when he looked down at Gun’s defeated expression. This was what he didn’t want, to have his mother tear him down like she had with everyone else, ‘Why would you still want someone like me?’

‘Why wouldn’t I?’

‘I’m broken’, Off whispered, ‘And anything that’s broken is useless’, he slid his hand away from Gun’s grip, but he still stood close beside him, letting his work clothes get wet to shelter Gun from the rain.

‘I can wait for you. That’s all I ever did anyway, I don’t mind waiting till you fix yourself’

‘You don’t have to. You should try to move on. I have’

‘Allison’, Gun whispered her name, shocking Off as he stared down at him, but he knew Gun was going to find out sooner or later, ‘Is she still here?’

‘No’, Off shook his head. If Gun’s eyes wasn’t red, he would think the tear trickling down his cheeks was the rain, ‘She’s gone’

‘For good?’

‘Yeah’

‘Then I can forgive you’, Gun nodded, more to himself than anyone else, ‘I told you to find someone new anyway, if that meant fixing yourself’

‘Then why’re you here?’

‘I was wondering if you wanted your shirt back’

‘My shirt?’, Off chuckled when he down and noticing that Gun was indeed wearing a shirt which belonged to him, ‘You know you don’t have to give that back. It’s yours too’

_What’s mine is yours._

‘I fucked up’, Gun admitted, ‘And so did you… But… That doesn’t mean I still don’t love you. Can’t we just… Try again?’

‘I’m not sure you want that’, Off said to him, making him look up and stare at his blank expression.

‘How do you know what I want?’

‘You want someone to love and understand you. Haven’t we learnt that I’m not that person?’, no matter how happy Off was to see Gun’s face once more, he couldn’t help but feel his shoulder become heavy at the desperation to say yes to Gun’s request but knowing it won’t be good for them.

‘I’ll let you grow. Take your time’

‘Don’t waste your time on me’, Off sighed, ‘You’ve already wasted enough’

‘I’d rather waste my time for you than someone else’, Gun confessed, because love rots when time has had enough, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t try again and plant another seed. And this time, he’ll take care of it properly, ‘I vowed never to let you go, so don’t let me’

Off looked up at the sky and bit his lip, stopping himself from crying, but it was too late. All the restless nights and spiralling thoughts kept on bringing him back to the one person that gave him stability and he was standing in front of him once more, asking him to come back and it took everything in him to stop himself from saying yes.

Gun saw his tears sliding down his cheeks and he remembered the time he first saw Off crying. It was his turn to lift his hand up, resting it on Off’s cheeks, but instead of wiping it away, he let him cry. He didn’t know how much more tears he kept hidden.

‘I forgive you’, Gun whispered again, his lips quivering, ‘You’re not perfect and you’ve broken your own promises to me, but I forgive you. Can you do the same for me?’

‘There’s nothing for me to forgive’, Off coughed out, feeling tired as he slowly rested his head on Gun’s shoulders, dropping the umbrella to the ground and letting the rain soak the both of them, ‘But I can’t come back’, he whispered, closing his eyes and letting himself feel Gun’s warmth one more time.

‘I’m not forcing you to’, Gun replied, although he was crying himself, feeling Off’s hand slowly rest on his waist, ‘I’m asking you to tell me if you can come back to me one day. It doesn’t have to be today, but just… Tell me you will’

‘I’m sorry I didn’t see you before I left’, Off whispered in his ear, digging his head deeper on his shoulder, ‘I didn’t want to see you sign those papers’

‘I didn’t’, Gun said, ‘I didn’t sign them’, he saw another flash of lightning followed by a loud thunder. They were the only two people standing outside the street, drenched in rain as Gun rested his hand on Off’s back, ‘And if you tell me you’ll come back, then I won’t sign them. I promise, I won’t’

‘Three months’, Off said, lifted his head up and standing straight as he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked down at Gun, ‘I have three months left here. Give me three months’

‘Okay’, Gun breathed out a sigh of relief when he saw hope flooding in Off’s eyes once more, ‘I can give you three months. Just don’t fall in love with someone else, okay?’

‘You told me to’

‘I take back my word. Don’t do it. Don’t fall in love with anybody else but me’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

The whole gang was sitting in Alice and Arm’s living room, looking down at the phone and waiting for it to ring.

‘What if they only make him wanna stay more?’, Alice asked worriedly as she cradled Emma in her arms, watching her fall asleep whilst everyone else looked down at the blank phone screen.

‘Jane might text me. She’s still in London apparently’, Mild pointed out, speaking softly as to not wake Emma.

‘Do you think Gun can do it?’, Tay asked curiously, biting his nails and leaning on his husband.

‘If Gun can’t do it, then no one can’, Arm pointed out, ‘He’s the only one out of all of us that can make Off come back’

‘And what if he says yes?’, Mild asked curiously, ‘Would they come back and pretend this past year hadn’t happened?’

‘They’ll need to go to counselling whether they like it or not’, New pointed out, ‘They’ve still got a lot of fixing left to do if they want to try again’

‘But it’ll be a first step’, Alice pointed out, ‘I’m sure they’ll be fine’

‘We’ve been saying that through out the year and they’ve both manage to cheat on each other and one is literally living in a different continent’, Mild groaned, standing up to get herself a drink from the fridge, ‘Alice, where’s your alcohol?’, she shouted from the kitchen.

‘I’ve been pregnant for the past nine months’, Alice called back, ‘There’s nothing but juice and my break milk in there!’

‘Blurgh’, Tay gagged at the last bit, squeezing his husband’s hand, ‘That’s gross’, Alice grabbed one of Emma’s blankets, chucking it at him.

‘Baby, enough’, Arm stopped her from reaching out for something else to throw at Tay, ‘I’m sure he didn’t mean it’

‘Oh no, I meant it’, Tay replied, ‘I can’t believe you have to pump your milk. Don’t think I don’t hear you using the pumper in my living room whenever you visit New’

‘I swear I will kill you’, Alice hissed at him, trying not to wake Emma up as she stood up, threatening to kick him.

‘Tay, get out of the room’, Arm threatened his best friend, ‘And stop pissing my wife off’, Mild walked in and despite a baby in the room, she listened to her friends arguing if it was appropriate to use a breast pump in someone else’s home and she couldn’t help but laugh but wish for her wife to be with her so she doesn’t have to handle the crazy all by herself.

* * *

**London; 2024**

‘Off!’, Neen shouted when she saw a car pull over the front of the hotel with the windows rolled down, seeing her brother’s face for the first time in months. It had stopped raining but the ground was still wet, the cement smelling of damp rain as she rushed out to greet him, ‘Is Gun with you?’, she asked frantically and when the passenger door open, she sighed in relief when she saw Gun.

‘I’m here’, Gun called out to her, watching her race to the other side of the car to hug him.

‘Why would you go to the lion’s den alone!’, she shouted at him, hitting his arm after she hugged him, ‘You should’ve taken me with you’

‘That wasn’t necessary. I don’t want you to meet her if you’re not ready’, Gun explained himself and Neen was about to argue, but her brother stopped her, resting his hand on her shoulder.

‘He’s got a point’, Off whispered to her., ‘She’s a tough one and she’ll get under your skin if you’re not prepared. It’s better for you not to see her’

‘You’re both soaking’, Neen noticed when Off placed his hand on her, ‘Where were you?’

‘I was out to get him’, Off explained, ‘It was raining hard by the time I arrived’

‘You should come up and get yourself dry’, Gun offered, awkwardly waiting for his reply as if waiting for his crush to say yes. They’ve been married for three years yet all of a sudden it felt like they were back in square one.

‘I think I should probably get home’, Off replied, ‘The inside of my car is soaking so I should clean it up’

‘If your husband asked you to come with him to his hotel room, you say yes, you idiot’, Neen slapped the back of his head before he could finish his sentence, making Gun laugh when he watched Off glare and slap Neen’s head back.

‘Just go up’, Neen hissed at him one more time and with that Off had no other choice but to follow them into the hotel room, getting a few judgemental stares from the others when they walked into the lifts with soaking wet clothes, their shoes making squishing noises whenever they walked.

Gun opened the door and walked to the bathroom to get some towels, ‘You can take off your clothes. I’m sure I have some of your old shirts packed with mine’, Gun called out from the bathroom. Off awkwardly took off his shoes, taking off his damp soaks as he felt the soft carpet against his feet.

He walked to the side of the room where the window is, looking out and staring at the busy road as he took off his blazer and laying it on one of the chairs, unbuttoning his shirt and looking at the trail of water he left behind all over the carpet floors.

‘Here you go’, Gun walked back into the room to find Off already half naked with his shirt completely opened, ‘Uh…’, he looked at him then looked down at the floor as he gave him the towel, acting like a fucking high school kid, as if he hasn’t seen more of Off before.

‘Sorry for making a mess in your room’, Off replied, drying his hair and watching Gun drying his with his own towel. There was still an awkward tension between them and he realised that what they did to each other was still going to impact them now, despite the hope of a second chance.

‘I told you before that I tried moving on from you with Allison’, Off mentioned their previous conversation all of a sudden, making Gun look up at him with wide eyes, his hair ruffled and damp.

‘And?’

‘Well, I lied’, Off confessed, ‘I haven’t moved on and Allison isn’t someone I see myself with’

‘Okay’, Gun nodded, ‘Good’

‘How about you?’

‘What about me?’

‘I listened to Jay’s album. He sounded like he was still in love with you’, Off mentioned, trying to act nonchalant, but he couldn’t stop himself from being jealous.

‘He made that album to move on from me’, Gun explained, ‘And I never loved him to go back to him in the first place’

‘Okay’, Off nodded, ‘Good’

Gun couldn’t help but chuckle when he turned to see Off leaning on the table with the towel in his hands but it was left hanging, his hair still dripping with rain.

‘Which song did you hate the most?’, he asked curiously as he walked over to stand close to him, grabbing the towel from his hand and drying his hair himself. Off watched him. Gun still had to tiptoe even though he was leaning on the table just to reach his head.

‘Now you’re on the bed in your room and I’m about to fill his shoes, but you say no’, Off began to sing a line that struck him the first time he listened to the song, his soft voice silencing the room even more when Gun stopped moving, his hand still on his hair, but his face was barely inches away from Off.

‘We didn’t have sex in our room’, Gun whispered, ‘He made that bit up. It was only a kiss’

‘You don’t have to defend yourself to me’, Off replied, ‘I slept with someone else’

‘You wanna keep reminding me that?’, Gun glared at him, throwing the towel to the floor, ‘Twist the knife a little harder’

‘You can slap me and say you never wanna see me again’

‘Why’re you hellbent on making me change my mind?’

‘Because I know you can do better’

‘I don’t wanna do better’, Gun rolled his eyes, staring straight at him, ‘I’ve made up my mind and so should you’

‘Three months’, Off reminded him, ‘I’ll give you three months to move from me. Find someone to love and when I come back, we’ll set up another meeting and I’ll finally let you go. Properly this time’

‘Fine’, Gun nodded, ‘But when you come back and I’m still waiting for you, I expect you to come back to our home’

‘Deal’, Off nodded and he waited for Gun to take a step back and start changing his wet clothes, but he stayed grounded in front of him, his eyes staring deeply into his. No matter how awkward things were with them now, he still felt a divine lightness whenever he started into Gun’s eyes, as if it could give him all the comfort in the world. It had been a long time since Gun stared at him in this way too. Over the past couple of months, Gun’s expression on him had been a mixture of disappointment and frustration. The peacefulness in his eyes had come back and by God he wanted to keep that expression all to himself.

‘Close your eyes’, he heard Gun order him.

‘Why?’, he asked, sensing a new tension building up between them, one which was still awkward and shy but buoyant.

‘So I can kiss you’

‘When was the last time we kissed?’, Off asked curiously, but he didn’t get an answer. Instead, he got a shy kiss, soft and gentle with Gun’s lips pressed against his once again. It felt new but familiar at the same time, like he had just arrived home after a long time away. After a long time, Gun had finally marked what was his again.

It was brief, Gun pulling out only seconds of kissing him. They both coughed awkwardly, Off picking up the towel off the floor and rubbing it on his damp hair whilst Gun walked back to unpack his suitcase, trying to find clothes that would fit Off.

Despite the quick kiss, Off felt something hard pressed against his chest and when he looked down, he saw a dent inside Gun’s shirt.

Without warning, he dipped his hand inside, making the latter gasp at first, but he nervously watched Off as he pulled out his ring which hung by a chain around his neck.

‘I thought I threw this away’, Off whispered, resting the ring on the palm of his hand.

‘You thought I’d let you?’, Gun asked.

‘Did you swim down the pool just to get it?’

‘Yes’, Gun nodded, he lifted his hand and showed his own ring which was back in its rightful place, ‘And I found mine too’

Off didn’t notice the ring until it was staring right in front of his face, but once he did, he felt his heart start to beat for the first time in a long time. He couldn’t help but break out into a small smile, holding Gun’s hand as he leaned down to place a small kiss ons his ring finger, feeling the cold metal on the tip of his lips.

‘Gosh, you’ve been married for three years and you guys still kiss like that?’, they heard another voice intrude their moment and they both turned their head to the open door which connected them to Neen’s room, seeing her lean on the doorframe and make gagging noises at them.

‘Neen, leave before I kill you’, Off warned her, throwing his towel in her direction, only earning him the middle finger as she slammed the door on his face before he can get to her.

‘Must be weird having a sister all of a sudden, right?’, Gun asked as he softly laughed at Off, ‘I felt weird finding out about Pim suddenly too’

‘I didn’t make it easy for you’, Off replied with regret in his tone, ‘I’m sorry about that’

‘It’s okay. I finally know why you were acting like that, so how can I stay mad at you?’

‘I should probably go’, Off said, still finding the idea of talking about their family a little uncomfortable.

‘Here, wear this first’, Gun took a folded shirt and passed it to him, ‘you might get sick’

Off looked down and saw that it was the old snoopy shirt he bought him all those years ago. He smiled fondly at it, reminiscing at the memory as he took off his shirt and put it on. It fit him just exactly right, which meant it was still big on Gun.

‘Thanks’, he looked to smile at him, ‘I guess I’ll hopefully see you in three months’

‘I know I’ll see you in three months’, Gun whispered, taking off his necklace and giving the ring back to its rightful owner, ‘I’ll wait for you’

‘I hope you don’t’, Off said truthfully, taking the ring back, ‘But thank you if you do’

Off left Gun’s hotel room, leaving behind his wet shirt and blazer as he drove back to his apartment, his head spinning and his lips still burning from the kiss. It felt like he was back in high school, wondering if he should run back to Gun and ask him to selfish, be his again.

But he needed to torture himself before he can be selfish. So, three months it is.

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

‘Three months it is!’, Tay screamed as he jumped on his dining table whilst Gun was still on the other side of the phone, ‘Off’s coming back once his contract finishes!’, he shouted, forcing New to wake up in the break of dawn, rushing dow the stairs to see what his husband was screaming about on the weekend.

‘What?’, New asked again once he reached the dining room, ‘What is it? What happened?’

‘Off’s coming back!’, Tay shouted when he hung up the phone, throwing it on the table as he jumped down and picked up New without warning.

‘Tay!’, New shouted, hitting him on the arm, trying to get him to put him down, but he couldn’t help but feel elated at how happy he was. Tay was depressed when his best friend left and he couldn’t help but sigh in relief when Gun finally managed to get through to him, hugging New’s neck and bringing him down for a kiss which shocked the latter as he almost dropped him. But he welcomed it anyway, parting his lips as he set New down on the dining table, kissing him back, sliding his tongue in.

‘Disgusting!’, he heard Frank shout as soon as the teenager woke up and joined them downstairs, ‘It’s five o’clock in the morning! Have you even brushed your teeth?’, he shouted at his dad when he saw them making out in the dining room.

‘Sorry, did we wake you?’, New asked, pushing Tay as he stood up from the table.

‘Who wouldn’t be awake by your screaming?’, he complained as he went over to grab himself a drink.

‘Well, I’ve got some good news for you’, Tay grinned as he grabbed Frank by the neck, hugging him tight, ‘Off is coming back to Bangkok after his contract ends’

‘Are you serious? P’Gun managed to persuade him?’

‘Yes’, Tay replied, ‘And I’ll have my best friend back just in time for him to meet our daughter’, he turned to smile at New who smiled back at him.

‘I told you he wouldn’t miss it for the world’

* * *

**London; 2024**

‘You met Gun already? How was it? Did you explain yourself to him? How did he take it? Is he pissed about you and Allison?’, Jane kept asking him questions as soon as he arrived from work, probably hearing from Mild that he had spoken to Gun yesterday.

‘Shouldn’t you be on your way to the airport already?’, Off asked as soon as he was flooded with questions.

‘The company bus hasn’t arrived yet to drop us off. It’ll be here any minute so I need you to tell me everything’, Jane tugged at his sleeves, begging for him to spill the tea before she leaves for the airport, ‘Is Mild telling the truth? Are you coming back to Bangkok?’

Word really spread amongst them, but there was no point in lying so he sighed and nodded his head, ‘Yeah, I’m coming back’

‘Yes!’, Jane clapped her hands jumping to hug him, earning more looks from his co-workers and colleagues, ‘I knew you couldn’t say no to Gun!’

‘Wow, okay Jane, let me go, I need to breathe’, Off patted her arms which were tightening around his neck, ‘Come on, let me go’

‘Oops, sorry’, Jane took a step back when she heard him gasp a little, ‘I’m just so happy you won’t be alone for too long. I was worried for you here’

‘Thanks’, Off smiled at her, ‘And thanks for coming to check up on me. I know you wouldn’t have taken this job and be away from Mild for so long if it wasn’t for me’

‘Well, what can I do? I have the moral compass of Gandalf’, she sighed as she flicked her hair back behind her neck, making Off laugh at her. She looked down and grinned when she saw Off wearing his wedding ring again. She couldn’t wait to tell Mild about it, she knew her wife was going to be relieved.

‘I’ll see you soon I guess’

‘Yeah. I’ll see you soon’, Jane smiled back at him before waving goodbye when she received a message that the company bus was ready.

* * *

‘I’m gonna go try every small owned restaurant in London to see if I can get inspired by their menu’, Neen shouted early in the morning as she got out of the shower, ‘Wanna join?’, she shouted, opening the door to his room whilst she was still half naked.

‘Yeah, sure’, Gun replied, fluttering his eyes opened as he woke up suddenly by her screaming, ‘We’ve got one more day to kill time’

‘I can’t believe we wasted flight tickets only to stay for three days’, Neen whined, ‘We should’ve extended it to a week’

‘We’ve done what we came to do’, Gun replied, a warm smile crawling on his face, ‘We don’t need to stay any longer’

‘You don’t wanna spend a few more days with Off to try and smooth things out so couples therapy won’t be too heavy when he comes back?’, she suggested, walking back to his room once she was fully dressed, her hair damped and curly.

‘These three months are gonna be for the both of us. We need to be apart so we can grow, so once we meet again, our next chance will be successful. Think of it as a rehabilitation phase’

‘What are you gonna do? It doesn’t look like there’s anything wrong with you’

‘I might spend some more time with my dad and his family’, Gun admitted as he sat up on his bed, itching his eyes awake and looking at Neen who was using his blow dryer, ‘I’m gonna try to get him and my mum to start talking in person again. It might help with my mum too’

‘Oh, that’s nice’, Neen commented, ‘That might actually do you good’

‘And how about you? With Off away, are you thinking of maybe talking to your dad?’

‘No’, she answered immediately.

‘It’s three months Neen, you better kill some time before your brother comes back’

‘Just because you two are trying to ‘find yourself’ and all that bullshit doesn’t mean I have to join in’, Neen commented, ‘Now hurry up and get ready, we have so much food to try in so little time!’

* * *

It was only November but the whole city was already preparing for Christmas. Gun and Neen walked around to see Christmas decorations by Selfridges and Harrods, seeing the mannequins dressed as Santa and his elves, bright colours of red and green painted across the walls.. The skies were still grey despite it being the afternoon already, the two of them being forced to buy a thick coat and gloves.

‘How can Off stay in such a cold city’, Neen shivered, wanting to get inside the café as soon as possible.

‘I don’t know, I find this place cool in its own way’, Gun replied, feeling the warm air of the café and the smell of coffee as soon as they entered, ‘We don’t celebrate Christmas back home. It’s kinda fun seeing the decorations’

‘Do you wanna join them later this afternoon?’, Neen offered as they found themselves a seat, ordering, ‘They have this thing called Winter Wonderland’

‘What’s that?’, Gun asked, googling it on his phone and seeing pictures of bright lights, a Christmas market and a shit ton of rides.

‘Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve been to a fairground’, he smiled to himself.

‘I wanna visit their Christmas market’, Neen pointed out, looking at his phone too, ‘I heard it’s like the night market but much jolly’

Their drinks finally arrived at their table, Gun tasting the matcha latte whilst Neen ordered some more desserts.

‘Do you think Off would wanna come with us? Sort of as a goodbye before we leave?’, Neen asked and that was when Gun faltered, looking at his phone and seeing Off’s new number saved on his phone after he asked Neen for it. He still had yet to call him and he was too nervous too.

‘Your three month of separation doesn’t start till you leave, so you might as well go see him one last time’

‘He wouldn’t wanna go with me’, Gun replied, ‘He doesn’t like crowds and I can imagine Winter Wonderland being crowded’

‘He’ll go anywhere as long as he’s with you’, Neen chuckled, ‘That’s what Frank told me anyway’

‘That kid needs to mind his own business sometimes’, Gun rolled his but he felt his cheeks blush.

_I’d rather be in the worse place with you than have someone else taking care of you._

‘Winter Wonderland’, Gun repeated to himself, smiling as he continued to look at the photos. He wouldn’t mind spending one more night with Off. Who knew if he was going to keep in touch with him. For all he knew, Off would disappear to the face of the earth until the three months are over and he had no other choice but to wonder how he was.

* * *

**Neen: We’re going winter wonderland**

**Off: Why? That place is awful and crowded**

**Neen: That’s exactly what Gun said. But it’s our last night here, so you better spend some time with him before you go to your lonely retreat.**

**Off: I hate busy crowds**

**Neen: You do you. But show up if you want. We’ll be there till it closes.**

Off shook his head as he slid his phone back to his pockets, finishing up his work and deciding to pack up.

‘Hey, Jumpol, are you going to the bar after work?’, he heard someone knock on his door, seeing Sayid’s head bop, ‘The group wants to celebrate the end of filming. Natasha’s gonna be there and I know Jame’s gonna make a fool of himself. You should go so you don’t miss it’

‘Uh…’, usually Off never says no to a work outing, but it was getting late and he might miss Gun, ‘I think I’ll get home early today. I’ve been a bit tired’

‘Are you sure? You never miss a night out’

‘Tonight’s an exception I guess’

* * *

‘This tastes amazing’, Neen groaned in pleasure when she took a bite at one of the hot waffles, taking a sip at the hot chocolate as she tied a scarf around her neck. The air was only getting colder, biting at her skin as she huddled close to Gun. The hot chocolate and waffles made her feel warm whilst they walked in the cold, looking through the different stalls. Her eyes were shining bright when she looked at the different trinkets, seeing the shining stars that were hanging on one of the stalls, plushies lined up on the shelves and hand sewn scarfs and gloves.

Gun ended up buying a scarf for himself, not used to the winter, linking arms with Neen as they walked pass the stalls and arrived at the fair ground. He could hear shrills of screams from the riders, shouts of glee from girlfriends when their boyfriends won them a big teddy at the game stalls.

‘Why don’t we go to one of the rides?’, Neen offered, pointing at one of the big rollercoasters, making Gun feel nervous.

‘Maybe something more tamed?’, Gun turned her to where the carousel was. Despite her whining, he continued to walk in that direction, gleaming at the beautiful lights and horses. It looked straight out of a fairy tale, ‘Why don’t we ride here?’

‘You’re still such a kid’, Neen kept on whining, but they lined up with the rest of the crowd, ‘We’re going on the roller coaster next’, she said to him before they paid for their ticket, Gun running off to try and find the prettiest horse out of the lot, passing through the dancing lights and running past the empty rides of beautifully sculpted horses.

‘Hey Gun! Wait up!’, he heard Neen shout from behind, but he continued running, picking one of the horses by the side. It was painted white with strobes of shooting stars decorated by its side. He had thought Neen would catch up with him and pick the horse beside, so he sat down already.

The music started playing, an old fairground song that he recognised and that was when he felt the horse start to moving, the whole carrousel going round.

He took out his phone, his one hand holding onto the rein as he tried to take a video. He heard children shouting behind him and he was about to turn the front camera on when he saw something on his screen. A figure walking towards him whilst the carrousel was still moving, someone in a suit and hair parted in the middle.

‘You like children’s rides?’, he asked and Gun lowered his phone, seeing Off standing in front of him, leaning on his horse as the carousel continued to move.

‘You’re not supposed to walk around when it’s still moving’, is all Gun said, because he was too surprised that Off actually came. He was too much of a coward to ask him, so Neen probably called.

‘It’s much more fun whilst it’s still moving’, Off smiled, chuckling when Gun still looked a little shocked staring at him. He offered his hand to Gun, waiting for him to take it, but Gun just kept on staring at it.

He saw the ring on his finger. The one he gave him the other night. The one that he threw in the pool before he disappeared. It was back on his finger, shining gold when the lights hit it.

‘Come down’

‘Why?’, Gun asked, staring back up at Off, seeing the same old playful expression he had on, the one that he missed so much.

‘Do you wanna dance?’, Off asked, the fairground music changing into a Christmas song, a classic as Gun let Off grab his hand, lifting him off the horse and tugging him away.

‘We’re gonna get in trouble’, he murmured, but he let Off continue to drag him, pulling him by the waist as they begin to dance.

‘Who cares’, Off said to him as he kept running around the carousel, trying not to get caught by the ride supervisors whilst he twirled Gun around, passing by children who stared at him.

‘Hey! What are you two doing?!’, Neen shouted as soon as they passed by her, seeing her still on one of the horses as she pointed at them.

The ignored her, running around the opposite direction of the carousel, dancing as if they were on ice, letting the rest of the world spin around them. Despite Off only being in his work clothes, he didn’t look as cold compared to Gun who was bundled up as if he was ready for a snowstorm, hiding his hair under his beanie, his neck and part of his face wrapped around in a thick wool scarf.

‘Mummy! I wanna dance with them!’, they heard some of the children, pointing at them as they continued to spin pass them, Off making sure Gun won’t fall with his arm on his waist, jumping from one step to the other, laughing until he felt the carousel slow to a stop, the ride finishing after the final song ended.

‘You guys are dead meat!’, Neen shouted at them, finally getting off the horse and stomping towards them, ‘You’re going on the rollercoaster next!’

Gun couldn’t even pay attention to her, he was too busy laughing whilst parents glared at them as they slowly got off the ride, Off’s cheeks and nose red from the cold.

‘You must be freezing’, Gun said, tiptoeing as a pecked the tip of Off’s nose, kissing him before walking down the stairs back to the open field where Neen was impatiently waiting.

‘You turn into such a kid whenever he’s around’, Neen rolled her eyes, watching as Off followed shortly behind, smiling like an idiot as he slid his hands inside his pockets, ‘I never should’ve called you to come’

‘Too late’, Off replied, ruffling his sister’s hair, ‘I’m here now’

* * *

**Thailand; 2024**

Alice and Mild decided to have a girls’ night in at the former’s house, letting Arm sleep early as she stayed in the living room feeding Emma who kept on crying all through out the night.

‘So, how’s married life with a baby?’, Mild asked as she watched Alice try to keep her eyes open. Emma has been one of the most quietest babies they’ve encountered, barely giving Alice and Arm stress, but as the baby grew, she started to get restless. Emma always wanted to be picked up, especially by his side, which left Arm cradling his daughter in the wee hours of the morning.

‘It’s been good’, Alice said mind yawn, ‘Tiring as hell, but definitely worth it’, she smiled at the end.

‘That’s cute’, Mild smiled, reaching her hand out to stroke Emma’s cheeks, ‘She’s adorable. The two of you did great’

‘We did, didn’t we?’, Alice sighed, ‘Thank God she’s healthy’

‘It hasn’t strained your marriage has it? The stress of raising a child?’

‘No, not yet’, Alice said, ‘But I’m sure conflict will come, especially once I start working again. But that happens all the time. The best we can do is be understanding. We’ve got another little one to worry about too, so we can’t be as selfish as before’

‘And how about the sex?’, Mild asked curiously, ‘Has it completely stopped?’

Alice couldn’t help but laugh at her, trying to keep quiet not to wake Emma, ‘It has to be on halt for a couple months, but trust me, I’m not planning on stopping any time soon’, she winked at Mild, the two girls laughing with each other but Alice had a feeling Mild had a reason for asking so many questions.

‘Are you planning on having kids?’, she finally asked, not wanting to prolong her suspicions.

‘We’re already looking into donors’, she admitted, feeling shy when Alice elbowed her.

‘So, who’s gonna be the one carrying?’

‘Well, we discussed it but Jane wanted to be the one to carry. She said she needed an excuse to take time off work anyway since they always send her outside the country all the time’

‘Oh, that’s amazing’, Alice smiled brightly, ‘And maybe your kid might end up being friends with mine’

‘Maybe?’, Mild snorted, elbowing her back, ‘Of course they’re going to be friends. They’re going to be the best of friends, along with Tay and New’s daughter too’

‘God, I can’t even imagine the shit they’d get into’, Alice chuckled.

‘Are you allowed to swear with Emma in your arms?’, Mild joked, knowing that their group was infamous for their bad language and knowing they’re probably not going to fix it despite becoming parents.

‘She doesn’t understand the concept of language yet’, Alice excused herself, ‘We’ll stop swearing once she turns six months’

‘Fair enough’, Mild laughed, leaning her head on Alice’s shoulder and hugging her waist, ‘I wonder if it’s not too late for Off and Gun to have kids’

‘Who knows’, Alice whispered, ‘If they can get pass this hurdle, I’m sure their second attempt will be much more successful’

‘I wish they can hurry up so their kids could be the same age as ours’, Mild confessed, ‘I would love my kid to be friends with their’s’

‘Why?’, Alice snorted.

‘Because Off’s kids are automatically going to be the cool ones. If I want my kid to survive high school, I need Off’s kids to protect them’

‘You know what… You do have a point’, Alice chuckled, leaning her head back to rest it on the sofa, reminiscing over their high school years and the shit they got up to, knowing they wouldn’t have as much fun if they didn’t have the three idiots with them.

‘Wanna bet Fiat’s kid will be the one getting all of them jailed?’

‘Nah’, Mild shook her head, ‘I bet it’s Mike’s. He always had a thing in dragging everybody else down with him when he got in trouble’

‘So true’

* * *

**London; Heathrow Airport**

Gun was wearing the work clothes Off left behind in his hotel room. He didn’t know whether to leave it behind or call Off to take it back, but they were already running late and they didn’t wanna hit traffic on the way to the airport so he wore it instead, tucking the oversized white shirt under his jeans and putting on his blazer which he knew was too big for him, making his shoulders look huge. Neen couldn’t stop laughing at him when he came out his room to the hallway, dragging his suitcase behind him.

‘You look stupid’, she pointed out, but he ignored her, checking out of their hotel and waiting for their taxi, ‘You should’ve asked Off to drop us to the airport’

‘He’s at work’, Gun replied, although he was a little sad that Off couldn’t make it. He wondered if this is how Off felt boarding the plane, wishing that he would arrive to send him off and at least say goodbye.

He didn’t mind that Off wasn’t going to be there to drop him off. They weren’t kids anymore, he knew that the former had responsibilities that he had to prioritise. Plus, he promised him in three months time, he’ll return.

‘Come on’, Neen elbowed him, ‘Our Uber’s here’

Gun followed Neen, looking down at his phone when he felt a buzz.

**Off: Have a safe flight home.**

Gun couldn’t help but smile when he got the text messaging, sitting down beside Neen and closing the door as he quickly responds.

**Gun: I hope this time does you good, I really do.**

**Off: Thanks. I’ll see you soon.**

_I’ll see you soon._

‘Yeah, I hope so’, Gun smiled, locking his phone and Looking out of the window as their Uber drove them out of the city.

* * *

**One Month Later**

Hey Mrs Pho’, Gun whispered to the winds as he sat on one of the rocks, squinting his eyes as he looked out into the sea. The waves were peaceful and calm this morning when he arrived, ‘Sorry Off’s not here with me. I tried to keep him but in the end I had to let him go for a bit. I hope you think I made the right decision’, he whispered, looking down at the bottle of beer he still had yet to drink, ‘He promised me he’d come back… I just hope he keeps it’

Gun carried on with his life as best as he could. He focused on his work and made sure to find the time to hang out with his friends too. He volunteered to babysit Emma during the weekend so Alice and Arm could have a night for themselves. He also made sure to visit Neen’s restaurant, seeing it slowly coming together.

Tay and New also forced him to come with them to watch Frank’s school play. He remembered driving to their house and drinking alcohol before walking to Frank’s school, knowing they were about to sit through an hour and a half of pure bullshit.

‘Why the fuck did you drag me here?’, Gun sighed, feeling as though he didn’t drink enough alcohol whilst he watched a bunch of fourteen-year-olds try to act out Romeo and Juliet.

‘If I have to sit though this mess, then I’m dragging you with me’, Tay simply replied, crouching in his chair and trying not to flinch in embarrassment at the shit acting.

‘Who’s Frank supposed to be anyway? He’s not even the lead’, Gun whispered back, looking down at his watch, half an hour had already passed and they still couldn’t see Frank on stage.

‘Alright Gun, not everyone can be Danny Zuko’, New elbowed him to be quiet, his phone ready to record once Frank gets on stage, ‘He plays Capulet number thirteen’

‘There’s more than three Capulets?’. Gun and Tay asked in shock once New answered the question.

‘I thought Juliet was an only child?’, Tay asked.

‘It’s a family rivalry, of course each household consists more than three members otherwise it wouldn’t be known as a fucking rivalry. God, how did you pass European Literature?’, New rolled his eyes at his husband, quietening down when he saw a bunch of parents turning around to glare at them for the noise.

‘Oh God, there he is’, Tay sat up as soon as he recognised his son walking up on stage with a wooden sword in his hands. Gun tried not to laugh, but as soon as he saw Frank’s costume, he couldn’t help but snort, seeing him in tights and a hat with a feather.

‘Guys stop laughing. The cameras can pick it up’, New kicked them on the leg when he heard Tay joining in on the snickering.

‘You shouldn’t have given me Jack Daniels before coming here’, Gun sighed, trying to keep it together, but he just couldn’t stop looking at Frank and the way he looked serious holding the wooden stick that they called a sword.

‘God, I love being a dad’, Tay chuckled, taking out his own phone and taking a picture of his son, ‘I can’t wait to show these to his future girlfriend’

‘You’re both horrible’, New glared at them, being the only one who was genuinely joyous and proud of his son whilst the other two idiots were acting like fools.

They waited for Frank once the play was over. New warned the both of them not to make fun out of him as soon as he finished changing, but Tay was not going to keep that promise. He was already excited to show the pictures he took on his phone. They saw a bunch of teenagers coming out of the dressing room and they patiently waited for Frank to come out.

‘What’s taking him so long’, Tay whined, ‘I wanna go grab dinner already’

‘Be patient. He could be talking to his friends’, New punched his stomach, ‘we should be glad he’s trying to make more’

‘Sure’

Gun was about to join in when he saw Frank finally walking out of the dressing room in his own clothes. He waved at him, about to walk over when he noticed someone rushing to meet with the boy.

‘Hey, isn’t that Romeo?’, Gun poked Tay, pointing at the boy who was talking to Frank. Tay and New immediately dropped everything and focused on their son, watching how he smiled at the male lead.

‘Is that bastard giving him a rose?’, Tay hissed when he noticed the boy pull out a small flower from his bag. It looked fake and the petals were all crinkly, but it made Frank blush, smiling as he watched the boy walk away.

‘Ooh’, Gun smiled, ‘Frank as an admirer’

‘Over my dead body’, Tay growled, ‘He’s fourteen’

‘Hey dad!’, Frank finally turned to wave at them, rushing towards them with the flower still in his hands.

‘Who was that?’, they all immediately asked at the same time, not even bothering to congratulate him.

‘Who? Oh, that’s Drake. He played Romeo’

‘We know who he was’, Tay rolled his eyes, ‘Let’s better hope he doesn’t play Romeo on you other wise I’ll kill him myself’

‘He’s fourteen Tay’, Gun snickered, ‘I’m pretty sure that’s still considered child abuse’

‘What? So am I not allowed to go on a date with him? Because I already said yes’, Frank commented as they started walking to the front entrance.

‘You did what?’, Gun and New stopped walking to shout at him.

‘You’re gay?!’

Gun and New turned to look at Tay when he asked him that question, both their brows raised in utter confusion.

‘Why are you shocked?’, Gun asked, ‘We literally all are’

‘How am I supposed to embarrass your future boyfriend when he’s wearing the same exact tights and feathered hat as you?’, Tay whined, looking down at his phone and staring at the photo that he thought he could use against his son.

‘Seriously? Of all things, you’re upset over that?’, New rolled his eyes and smacked Tay’s head, ‘You know what, let’s just go and eat dinner. We’ll talk about this Drake kid later’, New warned his son, telling him that he still hadn’t let go of the subject even though he was hungry and he wanted to prioritise his dinner first.

* * *

Gun thought it would be a good idea to invite his dad’s family to stay over at his house during the New Year despite his mother’s approval. He had spoken to her and thankfully he managed to persuade her to give in. It was awkward and it felt like hell, but it was successful enough that his mum was willing to invite them over for dinner again.

Neen also inspired him to get to know his stepsister. She was much younger than them, still a teenager, but he kinda liked the idea of having a younger sister hanging around. Pim was excited at the idea of staying the week at his house, especially when she found out how big it was and that he had a pool. Of course, he knew jackshit about girls, so he called Neen over to help her out just in case she started talking about boys or sex, in which case, he did not think he’s capable of being a big brother.

‘Thanks for taking care of Pim’, his dad thanked him as he passed her the last of her backpack from his car, ‘I really appreciate you reaching out to us again’

‘It’s okay’, Gun smiled back, hugging his dad, ‘I think it’s time not to hold a grudge on you. Things don’t work out the way we want and I shouldn’t blame you on that’

‘Thanks kiddo’, his dad ruffled his hair, closing the boot of his car, ‘And about Off…’

‘He’s working abroad’, Gun reminded him. He didn’t have the guts to tell his dad the full story so he decided to tell a white lie.

‘Long distance is stressful but I’m sure he’ll come back soon’

‘Yeah. Hopefully’

‘And I hope he doesn’t mind Pim hanging around when he comes back. I know he’s not fond of us’

‘He’ll get around to it’, Gun comforted him, ‘It’s going to be fine’

‘Don’t let us get in the way of your marriage. Off has every rights to be cautious about us’

‘Thanks dad, but I think we’re going to be fine’, he didn’t know whether he was telling the truth or if he was lying. It was all up to Off, wherever he was.

* * *

**One and a half month later.**

Off left for London three times. The first time was in search of a mother after grieving the death of his former one. The second was to cut ties with his past and the one who broke him and third time was to get away from the person he loved before he could hurt him even more. He never thought he’d leave London again after promising himself to stay as far away from Gun after their separation.

But that was before Gun broke his sequence.

This time he returned to Thailand for the third and final time.

The first time was to runaway from his mother. The second was to search for his long lost sister he never knew he had and the third time was right now, as he walked out of the airport and feeling the heat of the city.

Of course, every narrator lies. Off returned three times, but he kept on coming back for one reason and that reason remained the same. He still remembered the short boy he hated and loved.

He looked down and stared at his wedding ring whilst he waited for his Uber to arrive. He returned earlier than expected, but that was because he had managed to finish all of the projects listed on his contract in speed time and when he spoke to his boss stating that he didn’t want to sign onto a permanent contract, they had no choice but to let him go early.

He didn’t keep in touch with anybody, ignoring their phone calls and e-mails, not because he wanted to, but because he needed to. For the past three months, he focused on himself. He decided to stop being prideful and go to therapy, attending weekly meetings to improve his anxiety. He also wanted to spend as much time as he could with the twins since he knew he was going to be leaving soon, so every weekend, he would take them out to the park and help them with their homework. His mother and him still didn’t get along, but Michael was a treat. He was the only one who could control his mother and Off was glad he could hold his own foot so she wouldn’t stir anymore bullshit. They would spend lunch talking or sharing a cigarette and it was relaxing. Michael didn’t force him to forgive his mother anymore, settling with their civil behaviour instead of happy mother and son like he’d wished.

A lot had happened in three months. He even learned how to cook, watching a shit ton of YouTube videos and Jamie Oliver shows until he learned how to perfect a mushroom cannelloni. He had to waste a lot of his pay check buying groceries because his first attempts were never usually successful, but he finally got the hang of it. He also spent his thirtieth birthday trying to learn how to cook Gun’s favourite dishes. It was Somtum with fermented crab. The first two attempts he almost burnt his kitchen, but after the third attempt, he managed to make something edible, eating it whilst watching Netflix.

He also started running. At his age, it was probably best to start exercising, plus his therapist told him it could also help with his mental health, so he woke up an hour early every morning and started jogging. It hurt like a bitch the first couple of days and he had to go to work limping like an idiot because his muscles ached.

He also tried to quit smoking, but Michael didn’t help him when he kept offering him a cigarette whenever they hung out, so he only vowed to smoke when he was with him, which was only once a week to maybe twice at best.

But he thought the one thing that changed the most was his ability to let go. He didn’t have that much hatred in his heart anymore and he didn’t know if it was because of the therapy or his sisters, but he also didn’t hate his mum as much – although she will forever be a bitch. He thought when his job let him go, it was the perfect time to finally come back. His work visa was expiring soon and there was nothing left for him to fix that he hadn’t started already. Of course, he was still a work in progress and decades worth of baggage wasn’t going to disappear in just three months, but he’d gone over the first and hardest hurdle. Which meant he was probably ready to start his life again.

Of course, there are things which stayed the same, like how he couldn’t assemble furniture for shit. He tried too, he even bought a desk from Ikea just for the purpose of building it, but he got too frustrated and gave up half-way. Luckily he was quick to sell it on eBay so he got his money back. He still found it awkward opening up and he rarely does it with his colleagues, not even when they hosted him a going away party before he left London. But all in all, it was a vast improvement from the hot mess he was in a few months ago.

He also hadn’t fucked anyone in the last three months, which wasn’t that hard. A lot of his co-workers made fun out of him when he joined them at the bar and told them he wasn’t looking for a one night stand or anyone to fuck. They called him an idiot for not wanting to have sex with anyone who took an interest in him. He told him he had a husband waiting at home, which in a sense was still true. Plus, if he ever felt the urge, he’d just watch porn and wank off.

He wondered if Gun had changed. He remembered telling him that it was okay for him to fall in love with someone else, but he couldn’t lie to himself, he wished Gun had forgotten he said that.

But there was only one way to find out.

He still had the keys to his home, the big mansion by the outskirts of the city. He closed the taxi cab, taking out his suitcase and walking to the front gates. It’s been half a year since he’d seen the house his dad bought for him and Gun and a wave of nostalgia hit him when he made it to the front door.

The front door swung up as he walked in, looking around to see that nothing up changed. He passed the kitchen and dining room, walking into the living room which still had the same sofa, photos of their wedding hung up on the walls, their glass door overlooking the garden and pool.

The only difference was the amount of mess, clothes scattered on the floor and sofa. By the looks of it, Gun still had a habit of leaving clothes behind when he gets changed.

‘Hello?’, he called out nervously, wheeling his suitcase to the centre of the living room as he looks around the empty room. He wondered if Gun was home, but when no one answered his call, he assumed the man wasn’t at home.

They’ve only been apart for three months, but he was scared that it would change everything. Would they act awkward with each other? Will everything come flooding back in and create distance between them? Off had been thinking about it since he boarded the plane. What if he took too much time off and the distance between was too far for him to reach out again?

* * *

**_Neen’s Delight_ **

Neen’s restaurant is only two weeks from opening and she was busy as ever cooking up a storm for the opening day. With Gun’s advice, she’d hired a marketing team to help her, opening up social media account and setting up flyers for the new day restaurant that will soon open.

‘Am I legally allowed to work yet?’, Frank whined whilst he washed the dishes, complaining after his dad forced him to help Neen out whilst she practiced her cooking.

‘Just say you’re volunteering’, Tay shouted from the main floor, still eating Neen’s food with his mouthful, ‘It’ll look nice on your resume’

‘This is delicious’, New commented whilst he dug into Neen’s second dish. They had unofficially become her taste testers and they couldn’t complain since all of her dishes were divine, ‘I can tell this one’s gonna be a favourite’

‘Can I taste?’, Frank shouted from the kitchen.

‘After you finish washing the dishes!’, he heard his dads reply back, making him curse under his breath, pouting as he washed the dishes.

‘This is one’s Off’s favourite’, Neen pointed out with a smile whilst she continued cooking the next dish. She remembered him trying it once in her apartment and how he pretty much engulfed the whole thing. She didn’t say it out loud, but she missed him a lot. It was weird how she hated him all her life, but when he finally came to save her, she couldn’t see herself without a brother anymore.

She heard the front door bell ring and she wondered who would come in, ‘Sorry, the restaurant isn’t opened yet. Can you-’, she turned to look at the stranger and stopped talking. She almost dropped her spatula when she saw her brother walking in and for a second it felt like a dream.

‘Off?’, she called out, her voice shrilled with excitement and of course, just the name alone was enough for Tay and New to stop eating, turning to where the door was to see Off standing in his bright printed shirt tucked in his jeans.

‘Hey Neen’, Off smiled at her, ‘So, I’m a bit early, but you said you wanted me here when your restaurant finally opens’

‘Off!’, they all shouted, abandoning their food as they ran up to the door, racing to give him one giant hug. The impact of three people running to you made Off lose his balance, falling to the floor as he laughed at their reaction.

‘P’Off? P’Off? Is he here? Is he here?!’, Frank shouted as he turned off the sink when he heard his parents screaming his name, taking off his gloves and running to the front where he saw four adults laughing on the floor.

‘Hey Frank’, Off waved at him when he finally saw the teenager.

‘P’Off!’

* * *

‘There’s this guy from work. He saw a photo of you on my Instagram and he asked me if you’re interested on going out on a date with him’, Jingjing asked when they spent the afternoon at her new apartment. She got a new job which paid better so of course the first thing she did was move into a bigger apartment.

They had finished unpacking most of her stuff and now they were in her kitchen whilst they shared a drink.

‘I’m still married’, Gun reminded her, lifting his hand up to show off the ring around his finger, making his best friend roll her eyes.

‘Only legally’, she corrected him, ‘Don’t you think Off might have broken his promise? I mean, I love him but if he left, he doesn’t have a reason to come back’

‘He promised me’, Gun said, drinking his beer and sitting back on his chair.

‘I just don’t want you to get your hopes up’, Jingjing sighed, worryingly looking at her best friend who had been keeping quiet. He had stopped clubbing with her and although she had always wanted him to stop his wild behaviour, she didn’t want Off’s departure to be the reason. She was worried that Gun was holding onto strings that had already left him.

And Off didn’t give her any assurance. She had tried calling him but it led her straight to voicemail. He had disappeared as if he never existed for three whole months. She was scared that three might turn to four and it might end up in years.

‘You’re not getting any younger’, Jingjing warned him, ‘You’re turning thirty this year’

‘You’re already thirty’, Gun joked, poking his best friend’s arm whilst she glared at him. Despite Jingjing’s worries, he kept relaxed, calm for the first time in a long time. If he allowed the assumptions to get in his head, he was going to repeat the same mistakes he made, so instead, he hoped for the best and lived his life in the process. If Off doesn’t come back, then that was the fate life had given him and he’d have to accept it. But that doesn’t mean he shouldn’t still hope, at least till the month is over.

‘Why do you wanna keep Off?’, Jingjing asked curiously, ‘Why can’t you admit that you’ve loved him and that sometimes it doesn’t always last?’

‘I don’t know’, Gun admitted, ‘I just don’t wanna look back on my life and regret not holding onto something’

‘Fair enough’, she sighed, combing back her hair and smiling at him, ‘I’m your best friend, but it’s not my job for me to change your mind. I just hope that husband of yours will keep his word’

* * *

Gun arrived home in the evening, opening his door and throwing his keys on the dining table before heading to the kitchen to grab himself a drink. He didn’t see anything different from the usual mess he created. Off wasn’t there to scold him, so he took off his jacket, throwing it on the sofa, but instead, it landed on something else.

He furrowed his brow as he walked to check on a suitcase that clearly didn’t belong to him. He looked at it, checking for the tag which was at the bottom.

**_Off Jumpol Phunsawat-Adulkittiporn_ **

He dropped his bottle, letting the water spill all over his floor as he raced his way to the front of the house where the security system was. He scanned through the hourly footage, his eyes finally landing on the tall man walking through the front gate, wheeling in his suitcase as he took out his keys and opened the front door.

‘Off?’, he shouted, running up the stairs to their bedroom, banging it open and looking around trying to find him, ‘Off? Are you still here?’, his heart was racing, but the good kind, the kind that felt like thousands of butterflies was flying in his stomach. But he found the house empty, no signs of the man, so he raced down the stairs, picking up his keys and running straight out of the house.

* * *

‘Off’s back’

‘Wait, really?’, Alice asked when she received a phone call from a frantic Gun.

‘Has he visited your place yet? I don’t know where he is’

‘Are you sure he’s back?’, Arm asked, the phone on speaker, ‘If he’s not at your house, then where else would he be?’

‘I don’t know but his stuff is here’, Gun told them, his hands shaking as he turned his engines on, ‘He was here. I mean, he’s _here’_

‘I’ll call the rest of the group, he might’ve visited one of them first’, Arm said to him, hanging up the phone as Gun started driving. He knew Off better than all of them, so he had to ask himself. Where would he be right now?

He parked his car by the side of the road, overlooking the beach, staring to the distance where the rocks are, trying to look for Off.

He took off his shoes in his car, feeling the sand when he walked out. The wind brushed his hair back, the sun forcing him to squint as he walked down the beach, trying to look for his husband who’s been away for too long.

Just before he could turn around to check the other side, he felt himself being lifted, a pair of strong arms carrying him bridal style as he was thrown into the water.

‘What the fuck?!’, he shouted, spitting out salt water as he wiped his face, about to curse out the stranger who pushed him when when he felt the same arms hugging him under water. He turned to look behind, being reunited with Off Jumpol who grinned widely at him, ‘Off?!’

‘I knew you’d come and look for me here’, he chuckled, swimming a little deeper into the sea, his hands holding onto Gun whilst he dragged the latter with him.

‘You came back’, Gun breathed out.

‘I promised you I would’, Off replied, wiping his face from the water, ‘Shocked?’

‘You still had a couple of weeks left’

‘Two and a half, three months, same thing’, Off shrugged, his main worry disappearing as soon as he saw Gun ran up to the beach, turning around in search for someone and realising he was looking for him, ‘I thought you were going to forget me’

‘I didn’t forget you for six years, what’s three months gonna do?’, Gun replied, lifting his hand up from the water and resting it on Off’s face, ‘Are you back for good?’

‘Depends on your answer to my question’, Off replied, swimming close to him until their chest was pressed against each other.

‘What question?’

‘Can I be your husband again?’, he asked, lifting his hands and resting it on Gun’s cheeks, the gold ring on his finger the same as Gun’s.

‘Say yes you dickhead!’, they both turned back to the beach when they heard voices shrieking their names, seeing all their friends stood by the shore, clapping their hands and cheering.

‘What the fuck is Oab doing here?’, Off asked when he saw his old high school mate waving at him, leaning on Mild and Jane as Fiat continued to shout their names.

‘Alrissa’s pregnant and they’re planning on finally getting married’, Gun filled him in with the news he missed after being away for so long.

‘Right’, Off nodded, ‘Anyway, enough about them, how about you?’, Off turned back to focus on Gun and only on him, ‘Do you still wanna be married?’

‘We’ll both answer after three’, Gun said, grinning when Off laughed at him.

_‘One’_

_‘Two’_

Off answered by tugging Gun’s shirt, pulling him into a deep kiss, lips parted and hands combing through his wet hair. They could still hear their friends cheering for them, making them both smile during the kiss but never breaking it.

Off pulled them down under the water, where the noises became muffled, their visions blurred and their senses compromised with only the feel of each other’s body pressed against each other being the only thing that mattered, their lips parted, breathing into each other’s lungs as if they couldn’t live without the other.

No matter how fucked up he was, in the end, Off Jumpol came back to his home who welcomed him back with opened arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I’d like to apologise for writing a sequel to a stand alone fic. It was something that i decided to write out of impulse, but in the ended i started to really enjoy writing it to the point that i prolonged it from its initial length. I enjoyed creating his universe and I really appreciate the feedback it’s received. I never intended this fic to be as big as it got, but I’m thankful you guys gave it a shot. I’m not a perfect writer and I know the length of the chapters, grammar mistakes and awkward sentences are sometimes hard to read and hopefully I’ll improve in the future, but thanks for pushing through and reading it despite all it’s flaws. You guys have been amazing and I’m so grateful for all your comments (even the frustrated ones)
> 
> Have a wonderful day!


	23. Epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: smut somewhere in between the word vomit (although I wouldn’t say it’s intense enough for a warning, but hey, I still gotta put it)

**Thailand; 2023**

‘I know this might sound crazy, but… Jingjing and I were talking the other day’

‘When do you and Jingjing not talk?’, Off asked teasingly as they pulled over their garage. Off picked up his husband after work after Gun whined over the phone how tired he was from work.

‘Look, she was babysitting her niece last weekend when I visited her and…’

Off knew exactly where this was going. Ever since Tay told them over dinner that he and New were planning to adopt, he had accidentally implanted something in Gun that won’t stop him from talking about babies. Every dinner, every conversation consisted of Gun showing him cute baby videos.

‘Let me guess. You found her really cute’, Off finished his sentence as he turned off the engines, getting out of the car to hear Gun shouting.

‘Her cheeks are so chubby! They’re like marshmallows’, Gun continued on, unlocking his phone and showing Off pictures, ‘Isn’t she cute?’

‘Very much’, Off nodded, looking at the picture of Jingjing carrying a small child, no more than eight months old, sleeping soundlessly in her arms.

‘Don’t you think it’ll be cute, having little ones running around?’, Gun asked him, his wide grin not disappearing from his face and Off couldn’t help but chuckle and lean in to kiss his lips as they made their way inside their home.

‘I already have a little one running around’, Off joked, earning a small punch from Gun.

‘I’m serious, Off’, Gun replied with a pout, ‘What do you think of having a baby?’

‘You know I’d love to’, Off confessed, opening the fridge and passing Gun a cold drink, ‘But didn’t we agree to wait for a couple more years’

‘We promised we’d focus on our careers first, but come Off. I’m already one of the best lawyers in my law firm and you’ve just been promoted as Head of PR Management in one of the best companies in Thailand. Don’t you think we’re stabled enough?’

‘Hmm, looks like there’s no backing you down now, is there?’, Off asked, a playful smile on his face when Gun shook his head, his eyes filled with a hopeful spark at Off enjoyed seeing. He’s already preparing to see his best friend becoming a dad, so why the fuck not? Plus, it might work in his favour that he might be having a kid at the same time as Tay’s.

‘So?’, Gun asked again, reaching his hand out to squeeze’s Off, but he knew he didn’t have to beg.

* * *

‘Hey little one…’, Off whispered into the small collar as he sat by the bench by himself after work, ‘This is stupid’, he caught himself saying, combing his hair and leaning back as he stared at the lake in front of him. He had driven to the park right after purchasing a small teddy bear by impulse. He’d been thinking about it all day when he met with his mother in law for lunch yesterday. She had already heard from Gun about their plan to adopt and it started to feel real when she started giving him advice about fatherhood.

All of a sudden, it dawned on him just how huge of a responsibility he was signing up for. This wasn’t just a pet they were getting, this was another human being that required their utmost love and attention. And they didn’t have a second chance. If they fucked up, the kid was going to pay for the consequences and he knew that all too well.

But he couldn’t back out. He couldn’t find a reason to. He had a beautiful husband, a big house and a sustainable income to raise a child. What was stopping him but his innate fear to repeat the same mistakes his parents did? Was that even a justifiable reason to delay?

He stared down at the teddy bear, looking at its beady eyes. He was on the fence. Just the thought of seeing small little arms hugging the soft teddy bear made him feel warm inside, almost to the point where he wanted to have a baby right there and then. But there was also something in the back of his mind that was telling him no, that he wasn’t ready to have a child. They were still in their twenties and Off still can’t cook for shit either. And he can’t order takeaway for a growing child, that’s a wanting sign for social services.

‘What am I doing?’, he asked himself again, setting the bear down to sit beside him as he played with the voice collar, looking up at the clouds above him.

‘Hello?’, he suddenly pressed on the button, the red light turning on to show it was recording, ‘I don’t know why I’m here in the park alone making a voice note for a future child I may or may not have but…’, before he could carry on, he scoffed at himself and turned off the recording, going back to delete it out of frustration.

He leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

_‘Hey little one’_

He imagined Gun walking in with a baby in his arm, wrapped in a soft blanket, sleeping so soundlessly he could barely hear.

_‘Papa!’_

Just the image of a small little voice cheering out his name every time he came back to work, a pair of small arms opening up, shouting for a hug as soon as he got out of his car. He imagined Gun laughing as he leaned on the doorframe, waiting to greet him but not before their child gives him a kiss first, the whole family having dinner together just like he always dreamed of. He couldn’t help but smile to himself.

‘Hello? Is this thing on?’, he suddenly spoke, pressing the button one more time and opening his eyes, ‘Hey little one…’

* * *

**Thailand; 2025**

‘Sex’

‘No, catching up’

‘Sex is catching up’, Fiat corrected the girls as he raised his stupid glass again, the whole gang spending their afternoon at the bar by the beach after sending the reunited couple back to their home for them to get changed from their wet clothes, ‘I bet they’re fucking’

‘Here you go again with the fucking’, Mild rolled his eyes, ‘Might I remind you, there’s a baby present here’, she pointed at Emma who was sleeping in Alice’s arms as she drank orange juice, different from everyone else’s beer and cocktail.

‘She’s asleep. She won’t hear a thing’, Fiat smirked, ‘Now, who wants to bet with me? Winner gets to spend the weekend at Mike’s parents’ beach house’

‘I beg your pardon?’, Mike shouted as soon as his name got dragged in, ‘I didn’t say yes to that’

‘Oh come on’, Fiat rolled his eyes, ‘Just agree with me then we’ll have a boys weekend at the beach house’

‘I’ve been needing a bit of a break from work’, Mike agreed, raising his glass and clinking it with Fiat’s, ‘I say fucking too’

‘How do you know if you’re correct?’, Jane furrowed her eyes in disgust at the boys, ‘They’ve been separated for three months after nearly divorcing, don’t you think they’ve got better things to be doing?’

‘Like what?’, Mike and Fiat asked at the same time, looking dumbfound at Jane for even suggesting something different.

‘Like talking things out’, Jane replied back, raising her glass in an attempt to prove the boys wrong, ‘I bet they’re finally gonna give each other the opportunity to talk about their feelings’

‘I second to that babe’, Mild nodded, raising her glass too as she tapped it against her wife’s, ‘Who else is with us?’

‘Sign me up’, Alice decided to join too, even though she’d always hated the betting games her friends would do, ‘I mean, I just don’t want Fiat and Mike winning the beach house’, she added the last bit, tapping her glass of juice with the girls and waiting for others to join them. But it seemed like no one did.

‘I’m with Fiat on this one’, Oab suddenly replied, giving in to Fiat’s bet, ‘They’re men at the end of the day and that’s pretty much all we think about’

‘Well, that explains why Alrissa got pregnant all of a sudden’, Mild whispered under her breath whilst sipping her drink, earning a glare from the former who gave her the middle finger.

‘How about you New?’, Jane asked, looking at her most trusted guy friend, ‘I’m sure you think the same way as us, right?’, she waited patiently, watching as he sipped his drink and looked awkwardly at her than back at his husband.

‘I say they’re fucking’, Tay gave in with New was still indecisive to answer, ‘I know Off more than anyone and he probably got horny the minute he saw Gun. I mean, did you see the way he kissed him?’, the girls rolled their eyes and was about to shout at him when he clinked his glass with Fiat, but they were too shocked when New joined in with him.

‘Uh, New?’, Mild raised a brow at him, ‘You don’t actually think they’re doing it right?’

‘Three months is a long time’, New whispered awkwardly, ‘I don’t think any of us lasted three months without doing it, right?’

‘Yeah, well none of us didn’t get nearly divorced’, Jane pointed out.

‘Honey, how about you?’, Alice turned to her husband who was sitting beside her, eating his burger and minding his business for the most part – that was until his wife dragged him into the bet he didn’t wanna partake anyway, ‘Who’s side are you on?’

‘Guys, please’, Arm whined, wiping his lips with the back of his hand as he stopped eating, ‘We’re hitting thirty and some of us already are. Can we drop this whole betting thing? What kinda example are we setting our kids?’

‘Just answer the damn question’, they all shouted at him when he continued to prolong the inevitable.

‘Babe, just answer the question’, Alice nudged his arm, waiting for her husband to tap his glass against hers. But when it didn’t happen, a wave of shouts from the girls emitted when they saw Arm’s bottle tap with Fiat’s instead.

‘Look’s like it’s gonna be a boy’s weekend trip!’, Fiat shouted smugly, standing up and dancing in front of the girls with his tongue sticking out whilst they glared back at him.

‘I’m so disappointed in you’, Alice squinted her eyes at her husband who looked back at her with puppy eyes.

‘You can’t blame me’, Arm pouted, leaning his head on her shoulder, ‘We all saw how they acted. You can’t honestly think they’re not doing it right now as we speak’

‘You know…’, Mike interrupted when a mischievous idea popped up in his mind, ‘There’s only one way to find out who’s right and who’s wrong’

‘Don’t’, Tay and Arm turned to glare at him, knowing well what he was intending.

‘What?’, Jane asked curiously whilst the rest of them slowly got his suggestion.

‘We’re not going to the house’, Oab said with a grim expression, ‘I don’t wanna see it’

‘Oh, come on, we just need to wait till it’s over. All we need to see is clothes all over the floor but none on them’, Fiat smirked, standing up and shaking Mike for the good idea.

‘And how long do you think they’ll last?’

‘Well, seeing as they haven’t spoken in three months… I’ll say…’, Fiat tilted his head, pressing his finger on his cheeks before looking at the boys who shared the same thought as him.

‘Eight minutes’, they all say.

‘Disgusting’, Mild stood up, grabbing her cocktail and heading straight for the taxi, ‘Men are all disgusting’

* * *

‘Hello, Bibii’, Off waved at the puppy who had grown since the last time he saw her, picking her up as she wagged her tail, recognising him despite being away for so long.He rested her on his shoulder, walking to the bedroom where he sae Gun wheeling his suitcase in, taking off his damp shirt to change into a new one, ‘So, how have you been?’, he asked. The ride home was silent, not because they didn’t know what to say to each other, but they just didn’t know where to begin. Instead, Off held onto Gun’s hand, squeezing it tight as he drove them back to their house.

‘I’ve been doing good’, Gun replied, taking off his jeans and walking to the closet, ‘Pim’s been staying over here during school break, I hope that’s okay with you’

‘She’s your stepsister right?’, Off called out, pushing his suitcase down on the floor as he took out a shirt.

‘Yeah’

Off remembered his inexcusable behaviour when they met for the first time and he felt embarrassing asking about it, ‘How is she?’, he asked anyway, putting Bibii down on their bed as he took his shirt off.

‘She’s doing well. She was upset that you quit your job at your old company because she really wanted to meet Nanon’

‘I can pull some strings if she wants’, Off suggested, ‘Mild still works there and I’m sure they miss me enough to do me a favour’

‘You’re actually willing to hang out with her?’, Gun chuckled jokingly, walking out of the closet to see Off standing with his shirt Off. His eyes widened at his sudden toned muscles, a hint of abs showing as he started unknowingly too long that Off caught him.

He smirked a little, straightening as he put on a shirt, ‘Like what you see?’

‘You went to the gym?’

‘Yeah, at my age I should probably start taking care of myself’, Off commented, and even though he was wearing a shirt, Gun still noticed his arms and for a moment, he wondered what else Off got up to during his time away.

‘What else have you been up to?’, Gun asked him, playing it nonchalant as he passed a towel to him, drying his hair and letting the water trickle down his legs and onto the floor.

‘I started going to therapy’, Off pointed out, ‘My therapist said I was making good progress, but I should still apply for counselling when I return to Bangkok’

‘Oh, that’s great’, Gun smiled widely at him, a genuine happiness he had. He felt guilty for not knowing what to do for Off’s clouded mind, but he was glad his worries were put to rest, ‘So, are you gonna carry on with therapy here?’

‘I actually was gonna ask you’, Off began, leaning on the wall and watching Bibii jump from the bed and sniff his stuff, ‘Are you okay if we sign up for marriage counselling?’

‘You wanna do it?’, Gun asked with a raised brow. Off had always been against marriage counselling, calling it a waste of money. He didn’t know three months can change so much.

‘The moment you said yes, I knew I wanted to do this properly’, Off admitted, looking down at his hands and playing with his ring, ‘I don’t know what I would do if I hurt you again’

Gun noticed his eyes which glanced down at his feet, a sorrowful look on his face as he avoided his gaze and it made him feel rather relieved that Off found it within himself to admit his faults when everyone else have been telling him it was his impatience that halted their marriage. But then again, he didn’t want to act all high and mighty putting all the blame on Off.

‘Well, if it’ll help us, then I don’t see why not’, Gun shrugged, but his agreement made Off smile, finally gaining the courage to look up at him. They shared a silent moment, one that was awkward, but in a good way, in a way that showed that they’ve missed each other.

‘So, did you go on a date with anyone whilst I was away?’, Off asked, he had a joking tone in his voice, but his expression was serious, curious to say the least, waiting for Gun’s reply.

‘Does a business date count?’, Gun asked back, ‘I had a client who asked to join me for dinner after we finalised their company project’

‘Well, I thought you were gonna at least try follow my request and fall for someone else. I was shitting myself all the way home’

‘You think I’d be able to?’, Gun asked genuinely, ‘In that short amount of time?’

‘I didn’t wanna get my hopes up I guess’

‘And how about you? We’re you able to get over me?’

‘I wouldn’t be back asking for a second chance if I did’, Off confessed, hugging Bibii close to him when he watched a small smile forming on Gun’s lips, ‘I’m sorry for the past year by the way. I know it seemed stupid saying it now, but I really do mean it’

‘It’s okay. I’m sorry I wasn’t patient enough’, thinking about it, this time last year was the time Gun came home to an empty house, expecting his husband to be back from his trip to London after promising to patch things up with his mother. No one knew where he had left and for a second, he thought that the worse had happened.

Now this time, Off came back right on schedule, with a lot more to offer than his terrible past.

‘I love you’, he heard Off whisper as he set Bibii down back on the floor, letting the dog run out of the room after spending too much time with her humans.

‘Say it again’, Gun whispered, feeling tears brimming down his eyes at how easy and sweet those three words still flowed out of Off’s lips.

‘I love you’, Off repeated, letting it roll off his tongue and into the air, ‘Will you marry me?’

‘I already am’, Gun whispered, his cheeks burning red as he let the streams of tears down his face, ‘We don’t need to do anything again. We’ll just carry on, this time we’ll do better’

Off smiled and for once, he started crying happy tears, a joyous stream of it as he rushed to lift up Gun, spinning them around as he lifted his head up for a kiss. They both decided to press play on their paused life, feeling each other’s warmth as Off gently laid Gun down on their bed, their lips never leaving each other, desperately hungry for each other as Off lifted Gun’s shirt, the both of them completely dry now, yet their hair was still damp.

It wasn’t rough, nor was it playful, but it was warm, Off’s tongue running down Gun’s body, worshipping him every second. They weren’t loud either, Gun was too overwhelmingly joyous to make any sound as he felt Off’s tongue on his thighs, teasing him until he gasped at the warm feeling around his cock.

Off didn’t care about himself, ignoring his own hard on as he pleasured Gun, sweetly taking his time till he felt Gun’s fingers coming through his hair, bucking up his hip as he whispered his names along with soft moans.

 _‘P’Off’,_ Gun moaned his name, Off finally hearing the sweet voice say his name. He had spent the past three months imagining Gun’s lewd expression whilst he wanked off and he couldn’t help but feel instantly addicted to it the moment he heard it again. He looked up, watching Gun’s chest rise up and down, breathing heavily as he continued to suck him off, letting his tongue trace down the shaft all the way up to the slit.

Off grazed his fingertips on Gun’s legs, tracing it down till the latter felt goosebumps, lifting his leg up. He saw up and placed a small kiss on his feet, showering him with every emotion he’d kept hidden.

They’d fucked so many times, he couldn’t even count them all, but every time he saw Gun on the bed, his hair messy and eyes staring widely at him, it gave him the same feeling every time and all he wanted to do was take care of him.

‘I love you, P’Off’, Gun whispered when Off stopped his actions, the pair staring at each other for a few seconds before Gun reached out his arm, stretching his hand as he rested it on Off’s cheeks, wiping the tears from his eyes. It was rare to see Off Jumpol cry and now only Gun Atthaphan had the privilege to see it.

With all the sweet talks and soft kisses, Gun found himself perched up, sitting on Off’s lap. He had his arms around Off’s neck, the pair sitting on the end of their bed as he sank down on Off’s lubed cock, trails of moans cursing out of him as he leaned his forehead on Off’s shoulders.

‘You okay?’, Off kept asking, lifting their held hands and kissing Gun’s fingers softly.

‘You’re asking as if we’ve never done this before’, Gun chuckled a little, surprised at how patient the former was since Off usually liked it rough and senseless. Gun took control, riding Off’s cock, his nails digging into his back as surges of pleasure coursed through him, heightening his moans.

Their conversation was quickly cut off, their bodies focused on each other as Off played with Gun’s nipples, teasingly swirling tongue around till he felt Gun shudder under his touch, falling deeper as he quicken his pace, lewd noises of skin slapping skin filling the room.

‘P’Off’, Gun moaned, slowly a little when he felt Off’s wet hand embraced around his own cock, jerking him off. Off’s thumb teasingly grazed over his slit, wiping the precum. The overstimulation was intense, making Gun drool from pleasure as he sank down one last time before coming, feeling something sticky land on his stomach.

Off took the chance to turn them over, Gun’s back landing harshly on the mattress as he felt Off buck his hip, entering him again during his high, forcing elicit moans which rose louder when he felt Off thrust inside again and again.

‘Fuck, I’ve missed you’, Off grunted, lifting Gun’s leg, resting it on his shoulders as he enters him again, letting his pent up need out, intertwining their fingers as he leaned down to kiss Gun on the lips, licking the drool that had made its way down on his chin, pushing it back in his mouth as they shared this moment together, Off feeling himself let go.

* * *

‘This is insane’, Jane whispered when she watched Tay take out the spare keys he still had for his best friend’s house. He didn’t know why they thought it was a good idea to give each other spare keys to each other’s house, but he was finally gonna put it to good use as he unlocked the mansion doors, ‘We should give them some privacy’

‘Privacy my ass’, Fiat whispered, the whole gang tiptoeing inside like a bunch of failed attempt heist burglars, ‘I want my weekend beach trip’

‘They’re not in the dining room’, Mild called out, being the only person who was brave enough to walk to the end of the corridor, checking the first room which was empty, ‘They’re probably talking upstairs’

‘Or fucking’, Mike pointed out, ‘It make more sense why they’re upstairs’

‘Stop it’, Alice hit the boys on the head whilst she carried Emma, who thankfully was still sleeping in her arms all through out the car journey, ‘I’m gonna wait down here whilst someone check upstairs. I’m sure if they were fucking, we would’ve heard it by now’

‘Alice’s got a point’, Arm whispered worryingly, looking around the living room and finding nothing but silence, ‘Are they even home?’

‘Of course, they are’, Oab replied, ‘I saw Gun’s car parked in the garage. They have to be here’

‘They’re not by the pool’, New gave up, walking back from their garden and plopping himself on the sofa, throwing the clothes on the floor as he leaned back, ‘Why don’t we all admit defeat?’

_‘P’Off’_

One moan. One solidly loud moan was enough for them to pause, frozen in their place as all heads turned to look up at the stairs.

‘What was that?’, Jane asked, her eyes wide in shock.

_‘P’Off, fuck’_

‘And I stand by corrected!’, Fiat shouted the moment they heard the moan again, this time loud and clear, telling everyone exactly what was going.

‘What the hell was that?’, they suddenly heard Off’s voice from upstairs and all of a sudden nine pairs of legs started rushing out of the house, running as if their life depended on it as they pushed past each other.

‘Tay, where’s the keys?’

‘Open the fucking door!’, they all hissed at the tall man, pushing him to the door and commanding him to unlock the front door to which he shakily pulled out his keys, trying to look for Off’s one.

‘Babe, open the fucking door’, New pushed him, looking back when they heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

‘Give me that’, Arm pulled the keys from Tay, trying a different key and unlocking the door straight away, the rest of the gang pushing each other as soon as they saw a shadow approaching. Tay quickly slammed the door shut locking the door before running out to the front gates, cursing everyone for leaving him behind.

**_Gang GC_ **

**_Off: Guys, you do know we have security cameras around our house right?_ **

**_Mike: It was Tay’s idea_ **

**_Tay: You bastard_ **

**_Jane: check the cameras, it was Tay who opened the door not us_ **

**_Tay: You bitch_ **

**_Gun: what did you bet this time?_ **

**_Oab: How did you know that we betted?_ **

**_Gun: Stop with the bullshit, I know you guys well enough to know why you were breaking into our house. What did you have to check so you can win the bet?_ **

**_Fiat: if you guys were fucking or catching up_ **

**_Off: Jesus Christ_ **

**_Fiat: clearly we won_ **

**_Gun: You betted on fucking, didn’t you?_ **

**_Mike: you know it ;)_ **

**_Off: well you lost, because we were talking first_ **

**_Mild: I knew it! My best friend would never disappoint me_ **

**_Tay: you mean my best friend?_ **

**_Arm: but you still fucked, so technically we won too_ **

**_Alice: babe, are you serious? Let it go_ **

**_Arm: No. I’m not admitting defeat when we heard clear evidence_ **

**_Gun: Can’t you just agree that you both won? Off’s right, we talked it out first before doing anything else_ **

**_Fiat: Mike prepare your beach house. It looks like everyone’s going :/_ **

****

* * *

**One Month Later**

Off Jumpol found himself jobless. He didn’t expect his old job to be waiting for him, but he didn’t expect to find it hard to get a job, especially after how well known he was in the industry.

‘Hey’, Gun finally arrived home after work, loosening his tie as he walked into the kitchen, setting his briefcase down and watching Off cooking dinner, ‘Woah, did you make all of that?’, he asked, still surprised when Off had set down plates of warm homemade food.

‘I told you I can cook now’, Off replied with a smug expression, leaning down to kiss Gun, ‘Plus, Neen’s been teaching me a few tricks’

‘Have you been helping her in the restaurant?’, Gun asked, knowing that Off was still unemployed, so to help kill time, he would visit his sister almost everyday, helping her set up the restaurant and even assist her in cooking.

‘She still needs to hire a kitchen assistant, so I’m helping till she finds one’, Off explained, ‘So, how was work?’, he asked as he placed a plate of wonton soup beside the somtum that he knew Gun loved, taking off his apron and placing it on the kitchen counter as he joined his husband in the dining room.

‘Stressful’, Gun whined, stretching his arms and yawning, ‘I’ve been stuck in the office all day’

‘Aw, poor baby’, Off smiled, teasingly squeezing his cheeks and watching him eat the food he made. He didn’t know how satisfying it felt to watch his husband devour his food and he only wished he learnt how to cook sooner.

‘How about you?’, Gun asked, ‘How’s job hunting?’

‘Pretty lame’, Off whined, leaning back on his chair an playing with his food, ‘I didn’t know it would be this hard. I forgot everyone has to fight for jobs nowadays’

‘Hang it there babe’, Gun smiled, ‘You’re skilled at what you do and it won’t be long till a company takes you in’

‘Actually, I think I have a better idea up my sleeves’

* * *

‘Not Drake’

‘You know him?’

‘Not Drake’, Tay begged when he rushed over to Neen’s restaurant, calling her out when he found out exactly who she hired to be her part time kitchen assistant, ‘I’ve been trying to get him to stay away from Frank! Please, Neen, I beg you, don’t let him work here’

Frank, the little bastard, knew his dad was trying to intimidate Drake to stop pursuing him, especially during his fifteen birthday when Tay slammed the door shut when Drake knocked on the door with flowers. He knew the only way he could hang out with the boy was if he shared the same job at Off’s sister’s restaurant.

‘He’s fifteen and Drake’s sixteen, don’t you think that’s still too young to be in a relationship?’, Tay asked her, following her into the kitchen as she prepared for the day’s menu.

‘Oh, let them have a crush on each other’, Neen rolled her eyes as she turned to her brother’s best friend who looked more like a crazy person with his messy hair and oversized sweater, ‘It’s not like they’re gonna elope’

‘Neen, come on!’, Tay whined, tugging at her uniform, ‘Frank’s still just a baby. We can’t have another boy sending him flowers and giving him goo goo eyes. That’s disgusting’

‘Tay, for the last time, I already said yes to Drake. He was really good and I think he’d be a perfect assistant. If you don’t want Frank to see him then I’ll stop him working in my restaurant. It’s not like he needs a part time anyway, seeing how rich his dads are’

‘Frank might think I’m forcing you to fire him. He might runaway again’, Tay thought worriedly, leaning on the counter and imagining his son’s reaction, ‘This is some Romeo and Juliet bullshit’

‘No, this is overprotective dad not trusting his son that he won’t do anything stupid’, Neen flicked Tay’s forehead, pushing him out of the way, ‘Now, if you want Frank to respect you, then stop treating him like a kid who can’t make his own decisions’

Tay heard this from someone else too. From his own best friend who pushed him to the side of the room after dropping off Frank the first time he ran away. He had blood on his work sleeves and he glared at him intently, asking him to start treating Frank like an equal if he wanted the boy to stop running away.

‘But… Drake’s Romeo’, he whispered, still slightly worried, ‘And Romeo’s a dumbass’

‘Christ, have some faith on the kid’, Neen started laughing, turning around to look back at him before she started chopping up the vegetables, ‘It’s not like we were any better when we were kids’

* * *

Off decided to visit Alice and Arm, seeing as he still owed them a heartfelt apology after disappearing right before their baby was born after promising he’d be a godfather to her. Neen had texted him about her birth and he felt elated for them, but once he returned to Bangkok, a pang of guilt stopped him from visiting his goddaughter.

‘Hey, look Emma, say hello to your godfather’, Arm smiled as soon as he opened the door to be greeted to his best friend, Emma awake in her arms. She had started gaining the habit of stretching her arms, wanting to grab hold of anything she could find.

‘Hello little Emma’, Off smiled as he leaned down to wave at her, smiling Asher tiny little hands grabbed hold of his nose,’She’s getting big’

‘Yeah’, Arm smiled, ‘Soon she’ll be eight months old’

‘She’ll be saying her first words in no time’, Off grinned, noticing that her face was starting to take shape, a mixture of Arm’s eyes and Alice’s nose, ‘I can’t even say she looked like one or the other. She looks like both of you’

‘We did great, didn’t we?’, Arm smiled smugly, setting her down the soft baby mat once they reached the living room.

‘Is Alice preparing for work?’, he asked when he looked at the dining room to see papers splattered across everywhere, a laptop opened.

‘Yeah, she’s been pretty stressed lately, but she’s excited to go back to work’

‘So, who’s gonna be taking care of the baby?’

‘Her mother’, Arm explained, walking in the kitchen to grab a drink, throwing a bottle to Off who caught it in one hand, ‘And also mine. ‘They’re alternating cos they wanna spend more time with their granddaughter’

‘Oh, that’s sweet’, Off smiled, but that made him wonder. If he has a kid with Gun, who would take care of them once they got back to work? Would their child only know Gun’s side of the family? Will his child truly grow up not knowing his grandparents? But it would take a miracle for him to muster up enough courage to force his mum to get along with his future child. And his dad… He didn’t even know how he’s been holding up since they lost contact with each other. How would he feel taking care of his grandchild?

All these thoughts kept swimming in his head when he made it to the living room, sitting down on the sofa as he watched Emma play with her toys, crawling from one area to the other. He saw her hugging a teddy bear her size, sucking on one of the ears and he recognised it immediately. It was the teddy bear he bought for his own future child he never ended up having.

‘That’s her favourite’, Arm pointed out when he noticed his best friend staring at the bear, ‘She can’t sleep without it’

‘I’m glad she liked it’

‘She does, even though it’s not for her’, Arm added the last bit, sitting down on the floor and stroking his daughter’s hair, ‘I know it was supposed to be for your child. Neen told us’

‘Yeah, well, I guess the timing was wrong’, Off replied, ‘We still have time to try again’

‘Gun’s got the collar. Neen gave it to him’

‘Are you serious?’, Off asked with wide eyes, ‘Dammit, I told her to take it off’

‘You really wanted a baby, didn’t you?’, Arm pointed out the obvious, but it still made Off feel uncomfortable, knowing that everybody probably agreed that he still wasn’t fit to be a dad, not when he still had to fix himself.

‘Maybe later’, Off joked, leaning his back on the sofa, ‘I know now’s not the time’

‘I don’t know if you’re holding back for a particular reason, but I want you to know, you’re going to be a great dad’

Off froze in his seat, staring at his best friend who had a genuine smile on his face.

‘You don’t actually believe that, do you?’, Off scoffed, burying his feelings which was slowly arising up his chest. He had always been compared to his dad, so it wasn’t a stretch to think that he might turn out just like him. A selfish father who only cared about himself.

‘I do’, Arm replied, ‘Off, you’ve always taken care of us since we were young. You helped Tay come out to the whole school, you helped me ask Alice out. You even helped Mild keep her secret until she was ready to come out. I can only imagine just how caring you’d be to your own child. You’d protect that kid from anyone who dared tried to touch them’

Off avoided his eyes, looking up at the ceiling as he blinked a million times. He didn’t want to admit it, but it felt so fucking good hearing someone say that, especially after the multiple mistakes he made which ended up hurting everyone including himself. It made him realise that he still might have a shot at a perfect family, the one he always prayed for.

He jumped up off the sofa, kneeling on the floor and lifting up Emma who looked up at him with curious smile.

‘Hell Emma’, Off smiled, poking his nose on her cheeks, making her laugh, ‘I’m Off, your godfather, and I swear I won’t let anything hurt you’

* * *

**Two Months Later**

Neen kept an eye on Drake who was in the kitchen with Frank, the pair talking whilst they were preparing the vegetables. Despite her carefree nature, she wasn’t going to have Tay storm into her restaurant again if he finds out they’re actually dating.

‘Frank, stop flirting and wash those dishes! Tonight’s a weekend, it’s gonna be packed!’, she shouted when she turned to see Frank leaning in a little to close to her kitchen assistant. The teenager whined, glaring at her as he jumped off the counter, grabbing his gloves and turning on the sink.

She’d gotten used to taking care of Tay and New’s son, to the point where she was starting to get close with them too, since they would always come and pick him every closing time. They were kind… Kinda stupid, but she didn’t wanna judge. She also didn’t want to be killed by her brother who sees the world in them, so she kept her mouth shut whilst Tay trips over the steps of her entrance every single time and New bumps into the pillar like an idiot.

‘When are your parents picking you up?’, Neen asked as she started to cook.

‘They’re busy revamping the nursery room’, Frank shouted from behind her, the loud noise of water gushing out Neen’s voice, ‘They said the baby might be coming soon’

‘Oh wow, that was quick’, Neen replied, wondering if the mother had already given birth and was just waiting for a couple of months to give away her daughter. She didn’t know how adoption worked, but she had hoped the baby would come sooner since all Tay or New ever talked about was their plans for the future baby.

Soon couldn’t come at a better time as Tay and New rushed into Neen’s restaurant, Tay tripping by the entrance again whilst New smacked his head on one of the pillars.

‘Ow!’

‘Shit!’

‘For the love of God, there is a step at the front door!’, Neen shouted as soon as she turned to see Tay and New leaning over in pain, knowing exactly what happened, ‘Can the two of you not learn from your lesson?’

‘The baby’s coming!’, New shouted as soon as Neen walked out of the kitchen, ‘Close the restaurant, the baby’s coming!’

‘What?’

‘Frank, come here, we need to go to the hospital now! The baby’s coming!’

‘Shit, seriously?’, Frank turned off the tap, taking off his gloves and running to his dads, ‘Is she here?’

‘Her mother’s in the delivery room’, Tay gasped out of breath, probably from the running and tripping, ‘She’ll be here any minute’

‘Oh my God, that soon?’, Neen took off her hairnet, turning off the kitchen stoves and lights, ‘Drake, take the rest of the day off, we’ve got a baby to see’, she turned to her part timer, taking off her her apron as she rushed over to the family, ‘Where’s Off?’

‘He said he’ll meet us at the hospital’, New said, grabbing her wrist and dragging her out of the restaurant.

‘Wait, dad, can Drake come with us?’, Frank turned around to where the other teenager was still standing, taking off his apron.

‘Are you insane?’, Tay shouted at him, ‘This is a family moment!’

‘Oh, shut up’, New flicked his husband’s forehead, turning around to see an awkward Drake standing and waiting for them to make up their mind.

‘You guys can leave. I’ll lock up the store’, the boy called out, not wanting to get on their bad side.

‘Don’t be stupid’, New rolled his eyes, beckoning him over, ‘You’re my son’s boyfriend, if he wants you to come then hurry up’

‘Woah’, Neen smiled watching as Frank grinned and hugged his dad, racing to Drake and holding his hand, tugging him towards his nonsensical family, ‘Well done New’, she patted his back.

‘Don’t. I’m only saying that now so we can get a move on and meet my daughter’, he whispered to her before clapping his hands and screaming at his family, ‘Now let’s get a move on! We’ve got a daughter to meet! Let’s go!’

* * *

‘Where the hell are they?’, Arm asked as he looked down at his watch.

‘They’ll be here any minute’, Alice said, patting his husband’s back whilst she had Emma inside the baby carrier, looking around the room confused as to why she had to have her play date cut off.

‘They’re the parents, so I don’t know why they have to be the ones late’, Off murmured, shaking his leg anxiously, ‘I mean, Fiat is here on time’, he pointed at the man playing Nintendo switch whilst he let his son crawl on the floor in the waiting room, playing with the kids toys set up in the corner.

‘Hey guys, did we miss it? Has she given birth yet?’, Mike rushed in with his own baby carrier, holding onto his crying baby who hugged him around his neck.

‘God, it seems like all of us has kids now’, Off raised his brow, staring at the two idiots with their kids and being bewildered how they managed to do it.

‘Alrissa’s with her mother, she said sorry that she couldn’t make it’, Oab rushed in with his jacket still on, ‘Did I miss it?’

‘Where the fuck are they?’, Arm shouted when it seemed like everyone else was here but the parents, ‘Why am I freaking out for them? I’m not even the father!’

‘You’re her godfather’, Alice whispered, chuckling at her husband, finding it cute that he was worrying under Tay’s behalf, ‘And you’re gonna be great’

‘New just texted me’, Gun called out, still in his work clothes and reading his messages, ‘They’re in the hospital parking lot’

‘Oh god, here we go’, they all cheered, sitting down in the waiting room. Off noticed just how many kids have accumulated over the past couple of years. Mike and Fiat’s sons seemed to be getting along, playing with each other as soon as they met, giggling and racing around. It looked like they had recently learnt how to walk, which was why they still kept on falling over.

He also saw Alice cooing at Emma, still in her crawling stage as she watched the two boys run around with curious eyes.

Not to mention Oab who was FaceTiming his soon to be wife who was about to give birth any time soon too.

‘Looks like we’re the only ones who haven’t got pregnant yet’, he turned to Mild who sat beside him, Jane sleeping on her lap whilst they waited for their friends and newly parents to arrive.

‘Uh… Yeah, sure’, Mild nodded at him as she smiled, combing her wife’s hair. Off noticed straight away Mild’s change of tone, spotting her avoiding eyes and he turned to glare at her, poking her to tell him something he doesn’t know but before he could squeeze it out of her, they heard a scream coming from the entrance.

‘W’ere here! We’re here! We’re here!’, New shouted, holding a baby carrier and what looked like a life size teddy bear.

‘Jesus Christ’, Mike snorted when they saw the new parents, trying not to laugh at them as they carried pretty much the whole nurser with them, ‘I remembered I was just like that when my son was born. God, I must’ve looked so stupid’, he chuckled, whispering to Fiat as they ridiculed the inexperienced parents rushing around.

‘Mr Vihokratana-Techaapaikhun?’, the doctor finally opened the door to the waiting room, looking down at his clipboard.

‘Yes?’, they all answered, turning to him with wide eyes.

‘Ah…’, he looked around the crowd in front of him, trying to search for the new parents, ‘The mother is resting at the moment, I suggest you give her a visit and talk to her before visiting your new daughter’

‘She’s okay?’, New asked.

‘Yes, thankfully she’s healthy and there were no problems during delivery. She’s currently being weighted and checked, but she’ll be in the nursery by the time you finished the finalisation’

‘Thank you doctor’, Tay bowed his head to him following the doctor as he guided them down to the corridor where her room was, ‘Come on Frank, let’s go meet her mother’, Tay turned to grab Frank’s hand, glaring for Drake to stay in the waiting room as the whole family left.

‘Baby, are you okay?’, Mild whispered to Jane as she stroked her hair, feeling her stir a little on her lap as she squinted her eyes opened.

‘Is the baby born yet?’, she mumbled.

‘Yeah, they’re already going to see the mother. We’re gonna be meeting them in a couple of minutes’, Mild informed, pressing her lips to kiss Jane’s forehead.

‘Babe, I think I’m gonna throw up’, Jane whined as she quickly sat up, running out of the waiting room to the bathroom. Mild immediately ran after her and the only person who seemed to notice was Off whilst the rest were too busy talking amongst themselves.

Out of instinct, and the fact that he was still suspicious, Off followed the girls towards the ladies bathroom, leaning on the wall by the entrance, hearing a hurl coming from Jane as she threw up in one of the cubicles.

‘Hang in there, honey’, Mild whispered, yet there was no worry in her voice, nor sadness that her wife was experience sickness. It was almost as if she was expecting it, ‘We have another doctor’s appointment next week. We’ll find out if you’re pregnant’

‘Pregnant?’, Off gasped to himself, his eyes almost bulging out of his eye socket as he continued to eavesdrop.

‘The doctor said the embryo transfer was successful’, Mild cheered for her wife, ‘We know IVF are statistically unsuccessful, so this is good news, babe’

‘I just hope I’m not sick for no reason’, Jane whined, ‘I need the reason to be because I’m pregnant, but these two weeks have been killing me’

‘You’re pregnant babe, look at all your symptoms. We’re gonna have a baby’

Off leaned his head back on the wall, looking out at the corridor, keeping watch in case their other friends decided to walk and overhear their conversation. He had a feeling that they’d been keeping this to themselves as to not get their hopes up like what happened with Tay and New with their first attempt at adoption. He quickly Googled the success rate of IVF and bit his lip nervously when it showed a mere 35% success rate.

He decided not to bombard them with too much question, instead leaving the corridor and heading back to where his husband was, sitting beside Drake and killing time by small talk. He assumed Mild and Jane will tell them when the results are finalised.

‘Hey, where have you been?’, Gun asked.

‘Just the bathroom’, Off replied, ‘Are Tay and New back?’

‘Not yet’, Gun replied, reaching out to hold his hand, squeezing it tight. Off suddenly thought, if Mild and Jane were successfully pregnant, that meant they were the only ones left without children and for a moment he wanted to ask Gun if he was okay with that seeing as his husband had always revel at the idea of being a father.

‘What do you think they’d call her?’, Oab asked curiously, ‘I think we’re all running out of baby names’, he joked, picking up Fiat’s son and letting him sit on his lap, watching him suck on his thumb.

‘Guys! Let’s go meet Mook!’, before anyone could even reply to Oab, the door swung open, revealing a delighted New who shouted their baby daughter’s name before anyone could even have a say on it.

‘You’re naming her Mook?’, they all asked, getting a reply from Tay who lifted up what seemed to be the baby’s birth certificate, her name already written and signed by them.

‘Finally!’, Gun stood up, who’d been sitting in the waiting room for what seemed to be hours, ‘Let’s finally go meet your daughter!’

* * *

New had the baby wrapped around the blanket Neen made for her. They all crowded around him like a bunch of curious birds, cooing at the baby who was sleeping soundlessly.

‘She’s so tiny’, Frank commented, being the first one to talk as he tiptoed around his uncle and aunties, trying to get a glimpse of his sister. He was holding Drake’s hand who also looked closely at the baby, smiling at Frank whilst she yawned, everyone melting at the small action.

‘Do you want to hold her?’, New asked, turning his body around to Frank who looked nervously.

‘Am I allowed?’

‘You’re her brother. Of course you are’, New chuckled, teaching Frank how to hold the baby, making sure he was holding her head as he gave her to him. Frank let go of Drake’s hand, feeling nervously when he felt the weight of his new baby sister on his arms.

‘Am I doing it right?’, Frank asked, all of his uncle and aunties giving him a thumbs up and a warm smile as they pat his back, congratulating him for the new addition to his already wonderful family.

‘Congratulations Tay’, Off whispered to his best friend, resting his arm on his shoulder and giving him a quick hug, ‘You did great’

‘I did, didn’t I?’, Tay couldn’t help but show off, wanting the whole world to see the family that he fought and created himself, one which wasn’t perfect and filled with annoying brats, but one he adored all the more, ‘I’m glad you’re here to witness it’

‘I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else’

* * *

**Three Weeks Ago**

Tay had just finished visiting the mother’s house after deciding it was probably best to get to know their baby’s biological mother. He had been supporting her through out the pregnancy and Off saw how tired he was after the endless visits to her doctor’s appointments.

Off raised his hand as he watched Tay walk into the café, carrying another bag of baby stuff that New ordered him to buy. He couldn’t help but laugh at his best friend, hearing him whine as soon as he sat down in front of him, dropping his bags down beside their table.

‘I had a feeling you’d be needing this’, Off chuckled, sliding a cup of coffee at him.

‘God the build up is so stressful’, Tay complained, ‘I’m about to explode’

‘Which is why I asked you to hang out with me’, Off smiled, ‘I’ve got a lot of free time recently’

‘Because you’re jobless’, Tay joked, laughing at his best friend as he drank his coffee.

‘Better than working at a job I don’t like’, Off commented back, knowing he was hitting a sour thorn in Tay when his best friend looked up and glared at him, ‘You and I both know you don’t want to inherit your dad’s business’

‘Well, a deal was a deal’, Tay sighed, looking down at his hand empty cup, ‘He helped me with my New’s parents, then I accept his job offer. It was a done deal’

‘Your parents love you more than their company. If you want to back out, I don’t think your dad’s gonna say no’, Off pointed out the truth, which scared Tay even more because he knew his best friend was right. But he had grown up being prepared to take on the business, majoring in a similar field and being trained from a young age, even if he was allowed to back out, he didn’t know what else he would do. Unlike everyone else, he never had the privilege to let his dreams last long. He never had the passion to do anything else.

‘I mean, even if I quit my position, I wouldn’t know what I want to do next’, Tay answered truthfully, ‘I mean, all I’m good at are numbers and finance. That doesn’t necessarily lead to an interesting job now does it?’

‘I think it can’, Off winked at him, sipping his chocolate frappe as he leaned back on his chair with a mischievous grin, the one he always pulled when he was about to drag Tay into his bullshit knowing his best friend can’t refuse, ‘How would you like to set up a company with me?’

‘What kind?’, Tay raised a questioning brow at his best friend’s offer.

‘An entertainment one’, Off explained, ‘I think I have enough connections to pull together a team. Of course, we have to start small, but I’ve already got my eyes on promising talents that my old company rejected. I kept their old demos and I’m planning to reach out to them and persuade them to sign under our company, bu of course, we need to materialise it first. So, what do you say?’

‘Do you know how hard it is to make a company from scratch?’, Tay laughed at Off’s idea, ‘It’ll take years and even then, it might not work’

‘You’re the best at finance and I’m good with people’, Off reminded him, ‘I think we already got a good team between the two of us, not to mention, I’m gonna be stealing Mild and offering her the Art Director position’

‘You think she could do it?’, Tay was suddenly being reeled in to Off’s stupid idea, because the latter was good at talking out of his ass and making it sound realistic. And Tay was a gullible motherfucker.

‘Think about it, we’re all fucking talented and we have a shit ton of connections. If a group of people can make this work, it’s gonna be all of us, don’t you think?’

‘Shit’, Tay sighed, ‘You’re stupid, but you’re making sense at the same time’, he cursed at himself for easily falling under his best friend’s trap, but the idea of working alongside Off with their other friends to create something new and them made his ears perked in excitement. Off was a master of everything and if he was to pick a leader to follow in the dark, it would be Off Jumpol.

‘Are you in?’

‘Fuck it’, Tay gave in, downing the last drop of his coffee and reaching his hand out to shake Off’s, ‘Let’s do it. What’s our company called?’

‘NeverNormal’

‘Did you think of that on the spot just by looking at me’, Tay glared at him, hitting Off’s arm when the former nodded, ‘You bastard’

‘It’s a perfect name for us. Fucking perfect’

* * *

‘She looked beautiful’, Gun commented as Off parked their car inside the garage. The sun was beginning to set by the time they left the hospital.

‘Yeah’, Off agreed, turning off the engines as they got out of the car, heading to their house where Bibii was probably waiting, wondering why they suddenly left the house in a hurry.

‘You think they’re gonna be okay?’, Gun asked, ‘Having a baby is no joke. They might not be able to tackle their jobs’

‘I have faith in them’, Off replied with a hopeful smile, ‘And Tay and I have something up our sleeves too’

‘You and that company of yours’, Gun rolled his eyes, ‘Don’t you think it’s risky forcing Tay to quit his job when he just had a kid?’

‘You’re talking as if he also doesn’t come from a rich family’, Off snorted, ‘Even if we fail, he still has his inheritance to fall back on’

Gun could argue back, but he didn’t want to because his husband was right. Tay was a lucky motherfucker who didn’t have to worry about failing unlike the rest of them. He always wondered why they only ever teased Off back in school about his rich family when Tay was just as rich as him. Then he realised that Tay always acted like a homeless bastard, leeching off Off all the time.

‘Hello Bibii’, Off greeted their dog when they heard her race down the stairs, barking as soon as they came through the door, jumping up to his leg, ‘How have you been?’, he laughed, stroking her ears as they made their way to the kitchen.

‘My dad called’, Gun pointed out whilst he grabbed something to drink, ‘He asked if Pim could stay over during her school break. He said he was gonna go on a fishing trip with his wife and Pim didn’t wanna come’

‘To be honest, who would?’, Off whispered, throwing his car keys on the ceramic plate, ‘That sounds boring’

‘Don’t judge’, Gun laughed, listening at how calm Off was when he spoke about his dad, differing from his initial reactions, ‘So, you don’t mind her crashing here for a couple of days?’

‘Go for it’, Off replied, ‘She can use the spare bedroom. Plus, it’ll be good for her to meet Neen too. She’s been lashing out on me for dumping Frank on her. Maybe if we dump Pim too, she won’t be pissed since she’s a girl’

‘So true’, Gun laughed, ‘I might ask Pim to help around in her restaurant. She’ll have something to do over the break’

‘Then it’s a plan’, Off smiled, tugging the back of Gun’s shirt, pulling him into a back hug as he rested his chin on his shoulders, ‘If she still wants to meet Nanon, let me know. Mild said she’s willing to take her to his filming sets’

‘Are you trying to win her approval?’, Gun snorted, tilting his head to the side when he felt Off’s lips on his neck, leaving a trail of kisses on his skin.

‘Am I not allowed?’, Off joked, ‘I think she might end up liking me if I let her meet Nanon’

‘She’ll love you more than me, for sure’, Gun laughed, turning around and wrapping his arms around Off’s neck as he tiptoed, giving his husband a kiss as they spent the rest of the night with each other, fucking till the sunrise much to Gun’s surprise since he was supposed to have an early meeting at the office.

* * *

‘We’re pregnant!’, Mild practically screamed at his ears the moment she arrived to their house, Off busy cooking lunch to let her in, but apparently she had stolen the spare keys to his house from Tay.

‘Oh, the IVF was successful?’, Off asked as soon as he saw Mild skid her socks into his kitchen, wrapping her arms around his neck and almost choking him during the hug.

‘I’m going to be a mother!’, she screamed to the top of her lungs, shaking Off like a bear as he laughed at her reaction.

‘Congratulations’, Off replied, hugging her back whilst holding a spatula, ‘And tell Jane well done. The process must’ve been tough for her’

‘Yeah, but my baby’s a fighter’, Mild winked at him, ‘She did the unthinkable’

‘You better take care of her’, Off told her, ruffling her hair like a kid, ‘She’s only a couple of weeks pregnant and first trimester is the most crucial‘

‘Stop being such a dad’, Mild rolled her eyes, ‘Of course, I’m gonna take care of her. We’re going to be mothers soon!’

‘One after the other by the looks of it’, Off smiled, ‘Was there a baby season that happened that I didn’t know about?’

‘You better hurry up Off, otherwise your kids will miss the bus in being friends with ours’, Mild poked his stomach, leaning on the kitchen counter as he watched Off finished cooking, ‘When are you and Gun gonna bring your own bundle fo joy?’

‘We’re taking things slow’, Off reminded her, ‘We barely lasted last year and I think it’ll be too soon to start thinking about kids’

‘But still’, Mild said, ‘I think you’d make a great dad’, Off couldn’t help but smile at the compliment, feeling somewhat content that people had starting to see him as himself, not a product of his father. It made him feel hopeful.

‘Maybe one day’

_‘Hello? Is this thing on? Uh… Hey there little one…’_

Off heard his own voice coming from the living room, shocking the pair as they raced their way to the room where Bibii was resting on one of the pillow, biting on a small collar that she found under the sofa, accidentally biting on the play button.

‘Oh shit, Gun still kept that?’, Mild immediately recognised the small collar that made itself known during Emma’s birth.

Off on the other hand, had to listen to the full audio to even remember where it came from, remembering the time he impulsively drove to the nearest market almost two years ago to Build a Bear to buy a present for his future baby.

He slowly walked over to where Bibii was resting, picking up the collar from her mouth, seeing the teeth marks on the cloth.

‘He kept it all this time?’, he found himself being surprised at the idea that Gun didn’t throw it away once Neen gave it to him.

‘I guess he’s also hoping for a family one day’, Mild commented, a smile forming on her face when she noticed Off’s change in expression, ‘Maybe taking a step forward isn’t looking so bad afterall’

* * *

Off knocked on the door of his father’s house, awkwardly standing as he waited for the door to open.

‘Off?’, his dad’s voice was softer now, weary and a little tired. He could instantly notice how much he had aged over the past couple of months and his heart clenched in sadness at the thought that he’d been spending the past couple of months alone.

‘Hey dad’, he greeted him, ‘How have you been?’

For the first time ever, his dad pulled him into a warm embrace, a pair of strong arms hugging him and welcoming him back to his own home.

‘I’m glad you came to visit’, he heard his father’s voice, ‘How have you been?’

‘I’ve been well’, Off replied, ‘Handling things day by day’

‘Off…’

‘Listen, I wanted to come here to ask you a question and maybe a favour depending on your answer’, Off interrupted him before he could get in a word. Off had welcomed himself inside the house, walking towards the kitchen as he looked around for a snack, nervously rethinking his decision. But he knew he had to do it, so that his future won’t longer be compromised.

‘What is it?’

‘Will you be willing to be in my future child’s life as a granddad?’, he went straight to the point before he could change his own mind, leaning on the counter and waiting for his dad to answer, but all he got was silenced and a surprised expression as his dad followed him back to the dining room.

‘You want me to be part of their life?’

‘I don’t want them not knowing their granddad. It’s not fair on them’

‘I don’t know what to say’, he smiled, feeling light for the first time in months, ‘I would love to’

‘Great’, Off sighed in relief, ‘So, do you mind doing me a favour?’

‘What is it?’

‘Do you have any friends that might help me with the adoption process?’, Off pleaded his dad, ‘I don’t want to wait years until we get approved again’, he didn’t know whether his father will agree, but he decided to make use of his dad’s infinite amount of connections in return of returning back in his life. He felt like cheating, knowing there were couples in his position who doesn’t have the privilege to pull the system to his favour, but the guilt only wasn’t enough for him to stop himself from asking his dad, so he waited patiently, staring at his father who sighed and leaned on the opposite side of the dining room.

‘I think I can help you with that’, his dad finally gave him, giving him an agreeing smile.

* * *

Gun sat inside his office as usual, doing his work on a normal weekday. Pluem had offered him to join the group for lunch, but he decided to skip it since his current project still had a lot of work to do. It was silent in his office, with nothing but the sounds of his keyboard typing away as he glued his eyes to the screen.

He checked his emails, ones which consisted of their daily overview of their marriage counselling that they had recently started attending. It was awkward at first, having to tell a total stranger of your marital problems, but he had to admit, it was a sigh of relief to get a few things off his chest without the pair of them shouting like idiots.

He wondered when their session was going to end, because all he wanted to do was discuss their future rather than past. But then again, he didn’t know whether Off was ready yet or not. He promised this time, he’d be more patient.

Instead of focusing on Off, he decided to get back to work, closing his emails and opening up his project files. Everything else had been going normal, he didn’t notice the growing buzz that was happening outside his office, his colleagues rushing to the front where there was a huge box being wheeled in.

‘Mr Phunsawat’, Pluem knocked on his office door, bopping his head in and interrupting Gun from his work.

‘What is it?’

‘There’s something delivered for you. It’s… Well, it’s a massive box with your name on it’, Pluem tried to explain as best as he could, but he thought the best way for Gun to know was to come out of his office and check out the parcel that was blocking the corridor.

‘What the hell is it this?’, Gun furrowed his brow, standing up from his desk and walking out of his office to where the growing crowd were. It was then that he noticed the so called huge box that was delivered to him, obnoxiously laid in the middle of his workplace.

‘Gun, do you mind explaining this?’, his superior questioned him, but he couldn’t do anything but shrug his shoulders, also wondering what the fuck it was. To ease everyone’s curious minds including his own, he opened the top lid of the box, stepping back in shock when he watched balloons floating out and into the air, hitting the ceiling in colours of baby pink and blues whilst a small envelope was tied to one of the balloons.

It had his name written on it, which wasn’t the most interesting thing, but it was the handwriting, the same messy and unkept ones that he recognised in an instant.

‘What the hell Off’, he caught himself whispering as he opened the envelope to where a small folded letter was hidden.

_To: Gun Atthaphan Phunsawat-Adulkittiporn_

_Congratulations._

That’s it. That’s all it said. Gun turned the small letter, just in case there was more, but all Off wrote was one word which could mean anything.

‘Who’s this from?’, Pluem asked as he read the letter over his shoulders.

‘Off’, Gun replied nonchalantly, making his entire workplace gasp at the sound of his name. Ah, that’s right. He had forgotten to tell his colleagues that he was still married to his so-called ex-husband.

‘Look down there. What is that?’, Pluem patted his shoulder, pointing at the bottom of the box that was now emptied of the obnoxious looking balloons to where a small collar was placed inside, one which looked strange to others, but for him it suddenly made perfect sense.

He looked up at the balloons floating above him and saw the two colours. He couldn’t have grabbed the collar as quick, net down to grab it, pressing the button.

_Hey little one. You’re probably shocked by the sudden delivery at your workplace, but I just got the news a couple of hours ago and I didn’t want to wait until you finished work, so here I am planning the surprise for you. You’ve waited so long for this and I’m sorry for taking my time. I know how much you want this and I think now I’m ready to want this too._

_I pulled some strings and I’ve managed to reapply our old application and we just got approved. We’re having a baby. We still don’t know what the gender is, but either way, you’re not gonna be the little one roaming around our house anymore._

_Congratulations Gun Atthaphan. You’re going to be a father._

‘No fucking way’, Pluem couldn’t help but gasp, Gun’s entire workplace listening to Off’s voice message in real time, gasping in a mixture of shock and delight at the news. They suddenly didn’t care about the big box in the middle of the floor, blocking them from the break room, instead they were cheering for Gun, clapping as he held the collar close to him, biting the inside of his cheeks to stop himself from crying in front of his co-workers.

‘I’m gonna kill him’, Gun whispered to himself, but when he turned to look at Pluem, he couldn’t help but break out into a wide grin, his hands shaking at the thought. It was highly unprofessional celebrating his personal life during work hours, but he didn’t give a fuck, instead, he raced back to his office, grabbing his phone and calling his husband.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi’, Gun whispered, his voice barely audible due to the shock that still had him feeling dizzy, but in a good way, ‘Please tell me you’re not joking’

‘It would be a weird and twisted joke if it was’, Off chuckled on the other side of the phone, ‘I thought about it, and I was thinking maybe I should put my cooking skills to good use. Do you think the little one would like my homemade meals?’

‘I fucking love you’, Gun started laughing, massaging his forehead and with the initial wave of shock gone, all he could do was laugh, wanting to see Off right then and there. God, it was like the past year hadn’t existed and he was back feeling infatuatedly in love with Off Jumpol.

‘I love you too’, Off replied back, ‘Oh, and by the way, our baby might be born around the same time as Mild and Jane’s’

‘Wait… They’re pregnant?’, another wave of shocking news flooded him again, punching him in the gut, ‘God, we’re all so old’

‘Tell me about it’, Off sighed, ‘I think I finally found a grey hair this morning, I’m getting old’

‘At least we’re getting old together’, Gun joked, sitting back down on his chair and swivelling it to he can stare outside his window, staring at the skyscrapers.

Time was clearly not on their side, because it moved too fast, stopping for no one. But in a sense, time wasn’t on anyone’s side, so it’s up to them to take life by the reins and do as much as they can with the time they’re given. They could feel their youth slowly disappearing and for once, they weren’t scared of it. They’ve made their mistakes, they’ve shaven down their fears and in the bright light of the afternoon sun, with Gun staring out of his window on the fortieth floor of his law firm, he found himself contented.

‘Happy fourth, baby’, Off said to him over the phone, ‘We broke the cycle’

‘Yes we did’, Gun smiled to himself, twirling his wedding ring around his finger.

* * *

**Thailand; 2014**

It was the middle of the night when Off woke up. His muscles were slightly aching and when he looked around the room, he realised he wasn’t at home. Just as he stirred away, something else moved with him, a pair of arms hugging him around the waist, Gun’s head rested on his chest.

The boy was still naked and sticky, falling asleep right after he took away his virginity. He wondered if Gun was going to freak out the next morning and he should probably prepare him for the worst.

It was a spurt of the moment, a sudden rush of hormonal impulse that had Off pinning Gun down on his bed, taking him right there and then and he didn’t know if Gun was going to regret it the next day.

Off slowly kissed his forehead, untangling Gun’s arms from his waist as he got out of the bed. He looked around, trying to find something to clean Gun with and opting to tiptoe out of the bedroom and into the bathroom where he say a bunch of towels folded in one of the shelves. He grabbed a few, walking back to Gun’s room and lifting the blanket which hid Gun’s body.

He’d never done this before. Usually when he had sex, he would have to sneak out of the house as soon as it was over, but whilst he was sitting at the edge of the bed, cleaning a wrecked Gun, he suddenly didn’t mind the idea of staying over the night. It was foreign for him to care for the sleeping boy, wiping his legs and torso before looking around for shorts and a shirt for Gun to put on. But it felt almost like instinct, as if he could see himself doing this forever.

It seemed rather stupid to fall this deep for someone he thought he hated no more than three months ago, but here he was, imagining a reality where he can wake up next to Gun everyday.

But it was too late. He was leaving for London in a couple of weeks and he knew that Gun was going to forget him, because he was a forgettable person. Soon, Gun would move on with his life, reminiscing over his high school days and wondering what happened to the boy who he used to hate. But for some odd reason, he saw Gun doing fine without him, even though he couldn’t say the same for himself.

He hadn’t left yet, but he already missed Gun. He had taken for granted the four years that he got to see Gun’s face everyday, sitting mindlessly at the front whilst he fooled around with his friends at the back, too busy to notice the unnoticeable waiting for him. Now he’s begging for days, just one more second for him to spend time with the boy.

He finished cleaning him up, combing his hair back as he placed one more kiss on his forehead before standing up to take back the towels to the bathroom where the laundry basket was. Off made sure to make as little noise as possible, tiptoeing out and closing the door slowly behind him, leaving Gun sleeping by himself.

The short boy, on the other hand, wanted to feel Off’s warmth around his arms, grabbing a pillow and squeezing it tight as he nuzzled his nose onto the fabric, the smell of Off flowing into his dreams.

 _‘I love you’,_ he mumbled, his lips parted and drool slowly patching the pillow. Gun saw Off Jumpol in his dreams, the same one who smiled at him and held him close in his arms after taking away his virginity. He closed his eyes and dreamed of those same lips kissing his over and over again until his heart exploded into a million fluttering butterflies.

_‘Don’t go. I love you’_

* * *

**Thailand; 2025**

_..._

_’Hello, my little ones’_


	24. Special Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent my birthday in the hospital, so i ended up writing this to kill time. I was sleepy and numb whilst writing this, so expect a lot of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes all through out. (I‘m sorry)

> **_’The only thing i wanna do, is make it up to you’_ **
> 
> **_\- Off Jumpol._ **

‘Tell me a secret’

‘Why?’

‘You know mine’

‘And what secret of yours do I know?’

‘That I’ll always forgive you, no matter what’, Gun whispered, squinting his eyes when he felt the morning sun welcome itself through the cracks of their window. It had been the morning after Off’s return and Gun felt like he was still dreaming when he felt warm arms wrapped around his tiny waist, keeping him close. He felt Off’s heartbeat racing against his back and for a split second, he wanted to have the ability to freeze time so they could stay like this for a while longer.

Gun could still feel the waves of water wrapped around him when Off pulled him under the sea, pressing their lips together for the first time in a long time, asking him the same question he did when they were alone together.

_Can you be the only one for me?_

‘I don’t have any more secrets I can tell you’, Off whispered, breathing in his sweet scent, smelling the familiar shampoo Gun always used, ‘You know all of them’

‘Surprise me’, Gun’s voice was soft, turning his body around so that he was facing Off. He saw his sleepy expression, smiling as he reached his hand up, letting his fingertips trace the outline of his face, from the curves of his eyes to the softness of his lips.

‘I told you I loved you three times’

‘What else?’

‘I never stopped thinking about you’, Off continued, his voice hoarse and cracked due to sleep, but he couldn’t help but crack a smile. Just seeing Gun with his own eyes was a privilege enough, yet here he was, being selfish and taking all of him, feeling every inch of him until he felt new again.

‘What else?’

‘I…’, Off didn’t finish his sentence, how could he when Gun was laying right beside him like that, his lips soft and pink. He wanted to latch onto the one thing he thought he’d lost forever, pressing his chapped lips against Gun’s, praying that this feeling which bursted inside his chest and burnt his heart won’t stop.

‘P’Off, tell me your biggest secret’, Gun whispered between the moans once they broke apart again, his hands never leaving Off’s. Gun was weak, despite all the years he built around himself, Off managed to tear down every lining of pride and dignity in him. If it was anyone else, he would never have forgiven them, he wouldn’t even turn back to look as he leaves – but Off was different. He was…

He was his and his alone. Even though he’s broken, slightly torn and imperfect, he was still his to hold.

‘My biggest secret?’, Off repeated his questioning, sighing when he felt Gun hug him back, ‘You were right. I cheated on our physics exam’

‘What?’

‘I didn’t study for it because my parents were fighting the whole week, so when it was exam day, I sneaked into the Principal’s office with the janitor’s keys and read through the exam questions’

‘Are you fucking serious?’, Gun pulled out of the hug and turned to stare at him with wide eyes.

‘I only looked at the first question before feeling guilty and closing it. And we all know the first question was the easiest, so technically I did cheat, but I didn’t. I’m just naturally smarter than you’

‘You made the whole school think I was a petty motherfucker’, Gun kicked his leg the moment he realised the truth, sitting up from the bed with his mouth hanging open in shock, ‘I knew it! You really did cheat!’

‘I said I changed my mind before I could!’, Off defended himself, laughing when he heard Gun’s voice rising, seeing how his arms flailed around in frustration like how he used to when they fought in school, ‘I got a better score than you without even trying, you should just admit that’

‘Over my dead body’, Gun spat back, ‘You cheated and got everyone to believe I was the one lying’

‘Technically you were being over dramatic, think about it Gun. Why would you force the whole school to look through the CCTV footage. Just admit you were petty’

Gun didn’t say anything. How could he? Off was right, he used to be so uptight in school, he hated the idea of someone being better than him on anything – scrap that – he hated that _Off_ was better than him in everything.

‘I hate you’, Gun whispered, which only made Off laugh, reaching his hand out and dragging him back down to bed. It was the weekend and Gun didn’t have any work, so the plan was to spend all day in bed together, catching up on everything and finally pressing play on the marriage they had to abandon due to their families.

‘I love you’, Off whispered, kissing Gun’s cheeks, ‘So fucking much’

‘I love you too’, Gun sighed, giving in when he heard those three words from Off’s voice, his heart instantly melting. They laid in silence once more, Off’s lips playing kissing down Gun’s neck, breathing in his scent.

‘Wait’, Gun pulled him away and broke the moment when a thought suddenly raced in, ‘If you went into the Principal’s office, how did it not get caught on camera? They said they checked every footage’

‘May I remind you, I was close friends with the janitors’, Off chuckled, biting down on his neck, ‘What makes you think they’re going to admit that they were the ones who gave me the keys in the first place?’

‘They deleted the footage, didn’t they?’, Gun gasped, but not out of shock, but from the pleasure of Off’s tongue drawing circles around his chest, ‘You’re a fucking bastard’

‘Either way, that fight led us here’, Off whispered, his hot breath sending shivers down Gun’s spine, ‘So call it preplanned destiny’

Preplanned destiny? Was that even a thing? Because everything about their story was one big accident. Gun never planned to fall in love with the annoying bastard who sat at the back of the class, nor did Off plan to be infatuated with the boy who sat at the front. Yet here they were now, longing for each other just as much as they did when they were kids. Whatever their fate is, all they knew was, if they ever had the chance to go back in time, they would make the same mistakes all over again, even if it hurts, because Off was right, in the end, it led them back here, in each other’s arms, where they belonged.

* * *

**One Year Later.**

‘Twins? Did you sign up for twins?’, Neen laughed as soon as her brother knocked on her door, his feet stomping across her floorboard as he paced around the living room, half in distressed and half in shock. She couldn’t help but feel amused, grabbing a bag of grapes from the kitchen and sitting on the sofa with her legs crossed, chuckling as she continued to watch Off freak the fuck out.

‘The mother called and even she was surprised’, Off sighed, brushing back his hair and tugging the ends as he looked down on his phone, seeing his husband’s name and number but still contemplating whether to call him or not.

‘Why’re you stressed? Isn’t this good? The more the merrier they say’, Neen called out, sticking her leg out and kicking her brother’s in the process, laughing when Off tripped and glared at her, ‘Think of it as the world giving you blessing for all the shit you’ve been put through’

‘I’m unemployed’, Off reminded her, ‘My company won’t take affect until we finished persuading share holders to give us a chance, and as of right now, it’s not looking good’

‘You’ve got dad’s money though’, Neen almost gagged at the word, but for Off’s sake, she had started to call their dad, a few phone calls every couple of months to keep in touch and make sure the other’s alright, and as a result, she had also started to call him ‘dad’ even though she still thought he didn’t deserve that title. She also realised the favouritism was real, Off gaining their father’s full support to pull off one of the riskiest business plan she’d ever laid eyes on and she knew if it was her pulling the strings, he probably wouldn’t have agreed to invest.

‘That doesn’t matter. If the company doesn’t stand up in the next year, we’re fucked’, Off kept on complaining despite Neen’s attempt of comforting him, ‘And how am I gonna raise two kids?’

‘You’re acting as if your husband isn’t filthy rich’, Neen snorted, popping a grape in her mouth and chewing loudly, ‘He’s a lawyer’

‘And I expect him to do all the work?’

‘No, think of this as a new blessing’, Neen pointed out, ‘Gun will be the working dad and you’ll be the stay at home one. You’ll have more time with the kids and you might actually be the first in the family to raise their own’, she added the last bit with a bitter tone, looking up at her big brother who bit his lip and contemplated on her words. She did have a point. Without a job, it may be hard to raise two kids at the same time, but it might give him free time.

‘Do you think I’m gonna be a good dad?’, Off asked, his voice soft yet anguished in burning questions, one he kept asking himself even after their second attempt of adoption was approved.

‘You won’t be perfect’, Neen pointed out first, which only made Off’s worries worst, but she smiled at the end, standing up to face him, reaching her hand out and squeezing his shoulders, ‘But you’ll be great. Just the fact that you’re stressing about it makes you great already. They’re not even here yet you love them and that’s saying something’

‘Do you think I deserve to be a dad?’, Off changed the question, stepping back and walking over to Neen’s kitchen, leaning on the counter as he looked down on his feet.

‘Where’s that question coming from?’, Neen asked. Although it’s been a year since his return, Off was never the same and in some case, that was a good thing. He was emotionally grounded now, more so than he ever was, and it took a lot of work – _a fucking lot –_ but he got there in the end. But in other cases… He was paranoid, as if he was still treading on rough waters. No one noticed it but Neen of course, because she first met Off when he was agitated and guilt ridden and it correlated with the way he acted nowadays, always saying yes to whatever Gun wanted, avoiding meeting up with his in laws, hiding in her apartment whenever Gun’s parents went over to visit him. It was like Off was keeping something he knew he didn’t deserve, just like how he acted with Neen.

‘Maybe I-’

‘Are you gonna tell Gun he deserved better and run off again?’, Neen snorted, crossing her arms but when Off replied with nothing but silence, her smile disappeared, ‘Are you really thinking that?’

‘I‘ve never been able to keep anything good because no one taught me how’, Off whispered, ‘And when I do have it, I wreck it. I just don’t wanna hurt him again’

‘He took you back for a reason’, Neen rolled her eyes, wanting to curse her brother out, but his words rung true even to her, ‘And plus, have you seen the way Gun looks at you? Even after all this time he still looks at you like that’

‘He does, doesn’t he?’, Off smirked when she pointed out, winking at her to which Neen smacked him on the arm. He may be stressed, but whenever he had the chance to show off, he was going to.

‘So, are you gonna tell Gun?’, Neen asked her when she joined him, leaning on the counter beside him.

‘I guess I have to, right?’, Off sighed, ‘But his parents are visiting him over the weekend’

‘Don’t you mean visiting you too?’, Neen laughed, ‘When are you going to stop avoiding them?’

‘I broke Gun’s heart right in front of them and even had the audacity to come back, do you think I should be sitting in the dining room trying to act buddies with them?’, Off asked her, and even Neen couldn’t reply to that.

‘Do they really hate you?’

‘With every fibre of their being’

* * *

‘Will Off be joining us for dinner?’, Gun’s mother asked him whilst she helped set out the plates.

‘No, he said he had a meeting, he won’t be back till tomorrow morning’, Gun replied back, believing his husband, even though this had been the fifth family dinner he’d skipped out since his return. It would’ve been suspicious if it wasn’t for the fact that Off was genuinely busy, calling multiple organisations as well as travelling with Tay to find a suitable building to buy for their main headquarters. Their company as barely taking shape and he knew just how stressed Off was about it, so when he received text messages with an apology that he’ll be missing out on dinner, he didn’t mind.

‘When is he going to join us?’, his mum sighed, taking one plate away as she looked at the dining table, noticing the empty space which never seemed to be filled whenever she came over, ‘He’s gonna have to one day’

‘He’s trying his best’, Gun made an excuse for him, finishing his cooking as he looked down on his phone, checking the time, ‘Dad and Pim will be arriving soon, do you mind getting the door?’

‘Sure’, his mum sighed, looking down on her watch and laughing to herself, ‘I mean, if I can face my ex husband after a decade, I’m pretty sure Off can face me’

‘What’re you talking about?’, Gun turned and looked at his mum with a questioning look, ‘I told you, he’s busy with his company. He said he was sorry’

‘Gun, honey, don’t be naïve’, his mum sighed, ‘We all know why Off’s been avoiding me’

‘He doesn’t hate you’

‘No, he doesn’t’, his mum nodded, ‘But he thinks I hate him and he’s not wrong’

‘What’re you talking about?’, Gun turned off the stove, letting dinner steam over to the ceiling, ‘What’s wrong with Off?’

‘He cheated on you honey’

‘Mum, that’s different. I explained it already, it was-’

‘Not a misunderstanding’, his mum raised her hand up, stopping him from making the countless dozen of excuses he always makes whenever he spoke about Off, ‘I used to be very fond of him, so much so that I chose to keep his secret away from you, my own son. Off was my son in law back then’

‘He still is’

‘He needs to explain himself properly, not only to you, but to me and even to your father. I may not be on speaking terms with him, but even he told me how possessive he was over you. Once he reaches out to us, then I can call him my son in law again. But until then…’

‘Mum, this whole mess would’ve never happened if you just told me’, Gun pointed out and he didn’t wanna blame his mum who probably didn’t know what to do with the information back then, but he felt possessive over Off, not wanting anyone else to ruin what they’ve taken so long to rebuild, ‘We all made mistakes. I wasn’t that innocent either’

‘Darling, it’s not easy to raise a family and-’

‘You’re not seriously disapproving now, right?’, Gun interrupted her when she suddenly brought up the news he so excitedly told her a few months ago, ‘I think we’re far too into the process to change our minds’

‘Ask Off to come to dinner’, she ordered him, ‘If he doesn’t come tonight, then he’s not ready to be part of this family, and if he’s not ready for this family, what makes you think he’ll be ready for his own?’

‘Mum… Please, he’s been doing really well since he came back’, Gun sighed, pinching his nose and closing his eyes after he heard his mum’s tone. She may be kind and tolerable, but when she wants something, she was going to get it, ‘I don’t wanna break him again’

‘Ask him’, she said again, ‘Otherwise we’re taking his name off the plan’

‘Are you insane?’, Gun raised his voice at her, but he took a step back, realising he was talking to his mother, ‘Mum, please, just-’

‘I’m sorry, but that’s an order Gun’

‘You didn’t give me any say in yours and dad’s divorce, but it’s okay for you to dictate mine?’

‘Ask your father and he’ll agree with me’, she pointed out to him, the food on the pan already turning cold, ‘And if two people who couldn’t even see eye to eye on their own marriage agrees on one thing, then that’s a warning sign for you’

* * *

‘What the hell?’, Arm opened the door to find Off standing on the other side with a bottle of champagne.

‘Gun’s family’s home’, he simply replied as he walked in, pushing pass his best friend who sighed and closed the door, following him to the kitchen.

‘I can’t have alcohol, I’m off tomorrow to take care of Emma’, Arm told him as he leaned on the doorframe and watched his friend open the bottle of champagne in his kitchen.

‘Who said this was for you?’, Off snorted, smiling when he heard the satisfying pop, seeing the bubbles spill over the tip and pouring it in straight into the champagne glasses Arm and Alice kept on the second drawer beside the sink, ‘Alice! Get your ass over here!’, he began to shout, calling out his wife’s name to which he suddenly heard footsteps climbing down the stairs, ‘I heard you got promoted!’

‘Off!’, Alice opened the kitchen door, a wide grin on her face as she rushed towards him, giving Off a warm embrace, ‘Thank you!’, she cheered, taking the glass from Off’s hands and taking a sip, ‘I start my first day as a project manager tomorrow’

‘Congratulations’, Off smiled at her, clinking their glass together as they shared a drink, ‘And where’s Emma?’

‘It’s nine o’clock Off’, Arm was the one who answered him, walking to the kitchen to join them and pitifully pouring himself a glass of apple juice in his glass instead, ‘It’s way past her bed time, you can’t wake her up otherwise she’ll stay up for the whole night’

‘Oh right, I forgot kids have bed times’, Off nodded, laughing when Arm tried to pretend the apple juice was champagne.

‘You need to be taking notes’, Arm reminded him, a playful smile on his face when he leaned his arm on his wife’s shoulder, ‘You’ll be going through this soon’

‘Ah, that’s right’, Off smiled, looking at his best friend, seeing the ring around their fingers, their tired eyes from work and parenthood, messy hair and dark under eyes, but he noticed, above all that, they still had the same bright smiles that never faded away since they were young. He envied them, Arm and Alice who matured together. There were no gaps between them, they didn’t spend their time miles apart and in different worlds, they didn’t have to readjust themselves because they had already lived together, their lives interwoven like vines, perfectly tight yet differing in paths. And then there was his junk of a life, fragmented glass smashed into pieces and needed to be sanded down and stuck together again. And whoever tried to do it with always get their hands bloodied, spilling all over his reflection.

‘How’s the mother, is she doing well?’, Alice asked, worried for the woman, ‘Are you taking care of her? You know, pregnancy is scary and I don’t want her facing it alone’

‘I meet up with her almost everyday’, Off replied after Alice’s voice of concern, ‘She’s doing well’

‘And Gun? Has he talked with her yet?’

‘Yepp’, Off nodded, popping the ‘p’ as he poured himself another glass of champagne, ‘He meets with her every weekend and sometimes joins us if he finished work early’

‘That’s great’, Arm cheered for him, punching his shoulder, ‘This is great progress, don’t you think?’

‘Not enough’, Off whispered and he thought Arm and Alice wouldn’t have heard him from the muffled of his soft voice underneath the glass of champagne, but maybe it was the parenthood that gave them super sonic hearing, because their smiles faded and silence loomed over the kitchen as the couple looked at him.

‘What do you mean?’, Alice was the one to ask, her motherly instinct pouring over to Off as she looked worriedly at him, ‘Are you second guessing?’

‘She called after her doctor’s appointment’, Off sighed, ‘There were two heartbeats’

‘Your kid has two hearts?’

‘Twins you fucking dumbass’, Off kicked Arm on the leg when he heard his friend asking such a stupid question, ‘She’s… _We’re_ having twins’

‘Oh my God’, Alice gasped, ‘But that’s great! Off, you should be celebrating with Gun, what’re you doing here?’

‘Two kids is different’, Off whined, ‘That’s twice the responsibility, twice the nappy changes and let’s not forget _twice_ the finance’

‘Your dad’s a senior lawyer for the top companies of this country’, Arm pointed out with a blank face, ‘And your husband’s a lawyer too. I don’t think money is your main concern’

‘Why does everybody say that?’, Off rolled his eyes and sipped on the champagne.

‘Because it’s true’, Alice defended her husband, ‘Now tell us Off, what’s really freaking you out?’

‘I know the product of failed parenting. I’m one of them’, Off pointed out himself, laughing sarcastically, ‘But two? My conscience doesn’t have any more space to feel guilty for anyone else’

‘You haven’t raised them yet, why’re you already thinking that way?’, Arm furrowed his brow and glared at his best friend whom he loved but wanted to smack on the head with a pan, ‘You take it one day at a time. Do you think Alice and I perfected parenting in one go? No books can prepare you for this because every child is different. It’s trial and error, but at the end of the day, if you truly love your children, they’ll be able to feel it even though you won’t be able to provide them with everything. They’ll know you’ve tried. You’ll be fine’

‘Coming from the man who thought my future kid had two hearts’, Off pointed out, making Alice choke on her drink laughing.

‘Hey! I’m passing down wisdom’, Arm shouted at him, kicking him on the leg, but only being stopped when he felt his wife’s arms wrap around him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

‘He may not be the smartest person in the room, but I love him’, Alice laughed, leaning her head on Arm’s shoulder and looking at Off, ‘The same way that Gun loves you. He knows you’re not perfect and he stopped expecting you to be a long time ago. You’re not going through parenthood alone, if you’re stressed, then you’ll have Gun to fall back on. He’s stronger than you think’

‘Is he though?’, Off sighed, not to say that he didn’t think Gun was strong enough, but questioning if Gun had to be strong for the both of them.

‘He fell in love with you, didn’t he?’, Arm snorted, ‘If he could live through that, he could live through anything’

* * *

Gun stood by the end of the hallway, his phone rested against his cheek as he waited for his husband to pick up. He listened to his parents talking, along with Pim’s constant interruption, talking about school and her exams. It was lively in the dining room, the sound of music from Pim’s phone along with the sound of laughter he hasn’t heard in a long time coming from his parents. For his sake, they had tried to patch things up between them and formed a respectable friendship after such a long time. He felt the weight that wedged itself in his heart slowly being lifted over the years and he could only hope for Off to gain the same feelings for his unfinished scars.

Which was why he had forgiven Off for everything he’d done, because he loved him too much to hold it down against him. He was sacred that it might open something else if he brought it up, but his mum gave him an ultimatum he couldn’t refuse.

‘Hello?’

‘Babe, where are you?’, Gun asked the moment he heard Off’s murmured voice on the other side.

‘Uh… Why?’

‘My mum wants you to join dinner’, Gun informed him and he was met by a wave of awkward silence, making him nervous when Off trembled to reply, ‘Off?’

‘I don’t wanna say no to you’, he finally heard his husband reply, ‘But do I really have to?’

‘If you’re busy with work, then you don’t have to’, Gun replied to him, ‘I don’t wanna force you to do anything’

‘Why does she want me to come?’, Off asked, ‘Is there an emergency?’

‘No… She just wants to spend time with her family’

‘You’re her family’, Off’s voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

‘And you’re mine’, Gun reminded him, ‘And by default, that makes you her family too’

‘I really don’t feel like having a conversation with her just yet’, Off whispered, feeling defeated and slowly giving up his front, ‘And especially not with your dad there too. That’s two swords ganging up on me’

‘What do you mean?’

‘You know they hate me, right?’

‘No they don’t’, Gun would’ve said that with confidence an hour ago, but after his conversation with his mum, he was second guessing it, ‘They’re a little shaken up, but they’re fine with you’

‘You’d have to be really naïve to believe that’

‘Stop saying that’, Gun warned him, ‘Everyone keeps on saying that. Look, just come over here. I’ll prove you wrong, they’re gonna welcome you with open arms’

* * *

‘This is some bullshit’, Off caught himself whispering as he parked his car inside the garage, having sobered up a couple of hours ago before departing from Arm and Alice’s home. He had hoped they had finished dinner already, so he didn’t need to sit between two wolves out for blood, but when he saw the living room lights still on, he cursed to himself, banging his head on the steering wheel as he tried to prolong the inevitable.

Gun’s dad he didn’t really care for, not because he didn’t feel guilty over how he treated him, but he knew Gun’s mum better, he knew just how angry she could get and just the thought of her lashing out on him already sent shivers down his spine.

‘P’Off?’

‘Jesus Christ!’, Off flinched when he heard someone knocking on his window, cursing under his breathe as he turned on the lights and saw Gun’s step sister standing on the other side of his car door. After taking a breath, he rolled down his window and stared at her, ‘What’re you doing outside?’

‘I went to take out the trash’, Pim replied, ‘What’re you doing? Aren’t you going inside? You already missed dinner, you don’t wanna miss game night’

‘There’s a game night?’, Off raised a brow, gripping on his stirring wheel, ‘Aren’t you guys going to sleep?’

‘it’s the weekend’, Pim reminded him, ‘We’re spending it here, why would we sleep when it’s just midnight?’

Off should’ve probably taken the longer route. He should have made another excuse and stayed at Tay’s instead – but he knew New was going to end up snitching on him – but he could crash at Mild’s instead? Either way, what’s done is done and he was stuck inside his car, frozen as he tried to prepare himself for the worst.

‘if you must know, my dad doesn’t mind you’, Pim called out when she watched Off stare blankly out of the window, still holding on the steering wheel as if he was one second from leaving the house entirely. She had met Off a few times when she visited Gun during school break. He was nice to her, driving her to the shopping mall and even buying her a MacBook for a present. She knew he was trying hard to finally win their approval, so she was the first to defend Gun when his dad would ask why they didn’t just continue with the divorce.

‘You don’t need to lie to me’, Off sighed as he finally turned off the engine, leaning his head back as he counted to three before breathing out, ‘I supposed I was going to have to meet them one day, it better be know before the twins arrive’

‘the twins?’, Pim asked when she realised what Off meant, her eyes sparkling the moment they locked eyes, her hands clapping together, ‘I’m gonna be an Auntie for two?’

‘Don’t tell Gun’, Off whispered to her as he got out of the car, ‘I haven’t told him yet’

‘Oh my God!’

‘Shh!’, Off pointed a finger at her, forcing her to close her lips as they walked into the house.

‘Dad! Dad! P’Off’s home with some news!’, Pim, who clearly didn’t know how to follow instructions, raced pass Off, pushing him aside as she skipped back into the living room with a grin on her face, forcing the three people inside to turn their face to where Off was standing, awkwardly holding on his car keys when he felt three pairs of eyes boring holes in his skin.

‘Uh, hey’, he awkwardly waved his hand at them, forcing out a smile, ‘How are you guys?’

‘Off’, Gun was the only one to smile when he arrived, standing up to walk over, reaching out to hold his hand, ‘You made it just in time’

‘Just in time?’, his dad raised a brow, ‘He missed dinner entirely’

‘I already ate out’, Off replied to him, ‘Meetings can be tedious so I went to grab some take out afterwards’

‘To bad you don’t work for Nanon anymore’, Pim sighed, looking down at her phone, ‘I would’ve loved him to perform for my birthday’

‘I highly doubt he would even if I asked’, Off chuckled, trying to keep the conversation as far away from him as possible, but with the way Gun’s mum glared at him, he knew it wasn’t going to last long.

‘Where have you been these past couple of months?’, she asked him, ‘You haven’t bothered to visit us since your return from London’

‘Oh right’, Off chuckled dryly, ‘I guess I’ve just been busy trying to get my feet back up on the ground’

‘Uh Huh’, Gun’s mum raised a brow, ‘And how about meeting the grandmother to your future child? Don’t you think you should make some time for her?’

‘Uh…’

‘Mum, he’s told you he’s been busy’, Gun replied on his behalf, squeezing his hand to show him support and Off wished he could kiss him there and then.

‘I know Off darling, he was my son in law for three years’, Gun’s mum smiled before looking back at Off, ‘I know he would’ve prioritised his family over his work any day, so now I’m wondering what the real reason as to why he’s being missing family dinner’

‘If I’m being honest, you scare me’, Off finally replied to her truthfully which only made Gun’s dad choke from laughing.

‘You’re only scared if you’re guilty’

‘And I can admit to that ma’am’, Off nodded his head, ‘I’ve been guilty for a lot of things and I apologise for hurting your son’

‘Ma’am?’, she laughed, ‘Even when we first met, you never called me ma’am’

‘It looks like you’re ready to beat me with a stick which is why I’m being careful with my words’

‘Maybe start being careful with your actions’, she pointed out, ‘My son may be forgiving, but I’m not’

‘Mum, for the love of God, he’s-’

‘If you don’t see me fit to take care of your son, then I’ll leave’, Off interrupted his husband before he started a fight on his behalf. Too long had he allowed himself to be the reason why families are torn, he wasn’t going to start that again here.

‘Off, what the hell are you talking about?’, Gun turned, his eyes turned wide, his lips parted in shock.

‘I don’t wanna come between you or your family’, Off whispered to him, holding onto his hand, ‘I’ve done that already and I don’t need to do it again’

‘You’re not seriously backing out again, right?’, Gun had to laugh, that was the only reaction he could muster when he heard Off whisper to him, ‘We… We’re starting a family soon. We’re having a baby, remember?’

‘I know’, Off smiled at him, combing back his hair and stroking Gun’s cheeks with his thumb, ‘But Pim told me, my name could be taken off those papers and it wouldn’t affect the process. You’re the one with the income, it wouldn’t matter if I’m not in the picture’

‘Off Jumpol, you better shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down’, Gun was almost growling when he stared up at his husband. It was a lie, Pim didn’t tell him shit, it was his dad who called him up a few days ago when he overhead Miss Phunsawat talking over the phone with her ex-husband about the adoption papers whilst they were getting together for their usual breakfast. He never thought it serious at first, being too transfixed in buying baby clothes and even painting the nursery room a lilac colour, but the fact of the matter was, if Gun had to compromise his family, he would back out first.

‘Your mum has a point’, Off tried to get his point across before Gun exploded, because he knew he wasn’t going to have a say once his husband started talking, ‘I mean, I don’t even have a job yet’

‘You’re going to be the CEO of your own company. You’re going to be fine’, Gun retorted, ‘We’re going to be fine. We’ve agreed to do this together, and we’re doing it together. No discussion’

‘What’s the news Pim’s telling us about?’, Gun’s dad was the one to interrupt them, cutting the huge tension which had intensified when Gun kept on staring at Off with wide confused eyes.

‘Ah… Right’, Off whispered, digging inside his pocket. He had left his sister’s apartment and drove pass a street market before heading over to Arm’s place, stopping over for a few minutes just to get his head around. After the initial shock and paranoia seeped in, it slowly disappeared like a passing wave, turning into still water, calm and somewhat soothing.

Gun watched as Off pulled out two key rings, each with a small bear pendant hanging off the silver rings.

‘I got a call this evening’, Off whispered, handing both key rings to Gun who let it rest on the palm of his hands, feeling the warmth of the metal, ‘Two heartbeats, two babies’

‘What?’

‘We’re having twins’, Off finally told him, letting the silence become the blanket of realisation for Gun who looked down on the his hands, his breath hitched.

‘Shit’, Gun’s dad couldn’t help but gasp in shock when he watched Off smile shyly at Gun. They haven’t interacted much, but as a father who was absent in his own son’s life, who was he to tear apart the man who made Gun smile the way he was smiling right now, his eyes shining from the tears, his dimples showing as he raised to hug Off, his arms snaked around his neck, leeks hanging on his waist.

* * *

‘Twins, huh?’, Gun’s mum whispered when she made her way to the kitchen where she found Off still awake whilst everyone else was asleep. Her confrontation with Off was stopped almost immediately once the news was announced and she had no strength to bring it back up when her son was in a joyous mood.

‘I only received the news today’, Off looked up from his laptop, staring at her when she walked into the kitchen, leaning on the fridge with her bathrobe around her body, ‘I didn’t think I would announce it tonight’

‘I really liked you Off’, she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration, ‘In fact, I loved you. You brought out something from Gun that I’ve never seen before and by the looks of it, you’re the only person who could do it’

Off could still hear her frustrations, fearing the worse when she combed her hair back and stared back at him.

‘I wanted to protect you too. You meant well and I could only imagine the emotions you must’ve felt whilst you were trying to make sense of things, but Off, that doesn’t excuse half the things that you did. Especially the cheating’

‘I’m sorry’, Off whispered, ‘I thought I was already divorced’

‘So you jumped onto the next person you saw? Is that how you move on?’

‘I don’t know what else I’m supposed to say to you’, Off admitted to her, ‘I’ve done everything I could to make up for it’

‘Who was she?’

‘Huh?’

‘I should at least know who you decided to be with after you left my son’, she kept on going and it shocked Off that she would ever be surprised over someone who had slowly become a stranger again in due time. Some worlds were never supposed to collide again and he knew, wherever Allison was, he was never going to cross paths with her again, that was evident when they decided to use each other.

‘Allison’, Off said, ‘She lives in America and she’s a journalist’

‘How much does Gun know about her?’, she whispered, her voice in hushed tone as if trying to hide the conversation from Gun – which she probably is.

‘He knows she existed’

‘What else?’

‘That I continued to sleep with her even after I read his letter’

‘Yet you came back to Bangkok to ask him for his hand again?’, she rolled her eyes, feeling the frustration rising in her stomach, ‘Why would you continue when you knew you were still married?’

‘Because…’, Because? Off didn’t know – he did – but was his reason justifiable? Was Gun’s mother gonna open her arms and welcome him back in the family if she found out he never trusted Gun to uphold his decision in the letter? Off didn’t believe Gun never signed the papers, and once he realised he didn’t, he felt like Gun was going to change his mind, because that’s what he does, he impulsively make a decision without thinking things through due to his rushing emotions. That was the reason why he had to stare down at his divorce papers one morning in his office, it was also the reason why he came home to an empty house or when he did come home to find Gun with someone else. They were all last minute decisions that Gun would later regret.

Gun was going to regret him – that was what Off was thinking whilst he spent his nights in London, trying to erase the forthcoming future where Gun would forget everything associated with him. Was it a crime for him to start first?

‘I want to have children with him’, Off confessed, not having any excuses to stay with Gun other than the fact that he simply cannot imagine a life without him no more – he tried hard – and the future he imagined looked bleak, ‘I wanna try having a family with Gun, and it’s selfish of me, but give me a second chance and I won’t waste it. I promise’

‘That’s not my decision to make’, she sighed again, ‘Gun already gave you that chance, but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna like it’

It truly was such a shame. Off found comfort in her once, they worked together and even sympathised with each other once upon a time, but he had to expect his relationship with his mother in law would be in ruins by the time he returned. Just because he changed doesn’t mean the damage he made disappeared.

‘Don’t hate on Gun too much’, Off requested when she turned to open the fridge, grabbing herself a drink, ‘I’m sorry that I’m keeping him to myself’

‘He’s a grown man’, she replied, ‘if he chooses to stay with you, then that’s that’

‘So, you’re not going to take my name out of the papers?’

‘I was never going to’, she shook her head, ‘I never had the power to do it, although I wish I did’

And with that, Gun’s mother gave half of her approval after forcing herself to think of her son first. She hated having to hate Off but someone in the family needed to have common sense and with common sense comes the realisation that some times the one you love may not be perfect for you. Off was a good kid deep down inside, and she could only hope he’ll have the change of heart to prove all of her assumptions wrong.

* * *

‘Oh, this looks cute’, Gun smiled when he walked away from Off and the trolley he was pushing as soon as they arrived at the kid’s section. With the knowledge of another kid coming their way, they had to buy a second set of everything, hunting for cribs, cots and boxes of toys which had already been piled inside the nursery room.

‘We don’t need more toys, Mild and Jane gifted us a box already’, Off called out, laughing when he saw Gun pull out a stuffed snake, resting it on his shoulder and walking back to Off.

‘Come on, this would look cute in their nursery’, Gun whined, acting like a child as he tugged Off’s sleeves.

‘It’s the kids’ nursery, not yours’, he reminded his husband, turning the trolley to walk over to the crib, ‘And we’re only getting a crib’, he pointed a finger at Gun, stopping him from pulling another set of toys.

It had only been a week since they heard of the news, but Gun was twice as energetic, jumping out of bed every morning, whistling to work and dancing on the kitchen tiles with his socks on as soon as he arrived back home, grabbing off’s hands and forcing him to dance, letting the music play from his phone as he leaned his head against Off’s chest.

 _Don’t rely on your honeymoon phase,_ Off’s dad advised him when he visited him one night. He didn’t listen to his dad’s words anymore, but seeing as he knew a thing or two about fucking up, off had no choice but to finally roll his eyes and listen, fearing that whatever happiness they built so far wouldn’t last.

‘You know what, maybe one toy wouldn’t be so bad’, Off gave him when he looked down to see Gun pulling his stupid cute face, his lower lip pouting his his brow raised. He ruffled Gun’s hair, letting his husband fill the trolley with teddy bears and doll houses, all stacked on top of one another until Off was heaving the bags into the boot of their car, beading sweat from his neck.

‘What if it’s two boys?’, Gun asked when they drove home, looking out of the window and seeing the clear blue skies.

‘Then we’re fucked’, Off joked, making a turn towards their road.

‘What if it’s two girls?’

‘I guess we’re also fucked’, Off whispered, ‘I don’t know a thing about girls’

‘Clearly’, Gun chuckled, reaching his hand out and squeezing his husband’s cheeks, ‘But I’m sure you’ll be an amazing dad’

‘Let’s make a bet’, Off turned and winked at his husband, knowing how much he hated the game, but at this point, it was already a tradition. They had bet Mike’s son was going to be a troublemaker, Tay and New’s girl was going to be the class clown, Alice and Arm’s daughter was definitely going to be the rational one and Mild and Jane’s was probably going to be a theatre kid.

‘I say ours are going to be the smartest in class’

‘That’s a given’, Gun rolled his eyes and laughed, ‘They’ve got two of the smartest people as parents’

‘I might be optimistic, but I do hope they don’t go to jail’, Off whispered the last bit, making Gun laugh, shaking his head as he leaned on the window.

‘They’re going to be friends with our friends’ kids. I don’t think we should keep our hopes up’

‘We didn’t end up in jail’, Off reminded him, ‘I think we did alright in high school’

‘I’m gonna bet it’s Mike’s kid that’s going to drag everyone in his mess’

‘Me too’, Off chuckled, parking their car in the garage, turning off the engines and staying inside the car for a minute.

‘Aren’t you going to get off’

‘Not yet’, Off turned to smile at him, reaching out to hold his hand, squeezing it tight, ‘I just wanna stay like this for a little while longer’

‘Why? We need to get the nursery ready. We’ve got twice more planning to do before the babies come’

‘Let me be in love with you in peace, please’, Off whined, leaning in and embracing Gun, resting his head on his chest, ‘I don’t wanna move too fast, otherwise I might miss it’

‘Miss what?’

‘You’, Off looked up and pressed his lips on Gun’s.

‘You’re too old to be this cheesy’, Gun pulled him away, but there was a smile inching in his face, his cheeks turning red and his dimples showing, ‘Come on, let’s go’

* * *

Slow dancing in the moon light outside by the swimming pool, Off’s arms around Gun’s waist whilst the latter was on tiptoes, humming the melody of the song which played from Off’s phone.

Months of renovation, doctor’s appointments and parent classes took a toll in their energy, going to sleep before nine o’clock, sometimes missing dinner, too tired to eat and wash the dishes, but even in the specks of tiredness, they never found the innate frustration within each other. In fact, when Off found out Gun finally had a day off tomorrow, he cooked dinner and placed it on a picnic basket outside their garden, dragging Gun to dance with him once the night came over and took the remainder of the day.

‘Do you remember our graduation?’, Off whispered in his ears once the song came to an end and another one played.

‘Yeah’, Gun replied, his eyes closed and cheeks rested on Off’s shoulders, ‘What about it?’

‘I never did get to have good memories of that day’, Off sighed, remembering his heart clenching once they read his name out loud, looking into the crowd to find empty seats where Mrs Pho was supposed to be. He had tried his best for her, got into the best college because she wished for him to, but she never got to see it and it broke him apart on that day. He felt numb yet he also felt his heart burning, ‘I would’ve kissed you right there and then and announced to everyone that I was in love with you’

‘You had other things to worry about’, Gun replied, also remembering the day as clear as the sky above them right now, ‘No one’s allowed to judge how others grieve’

‘How did you know I was in the rooftop?’, Off suddenly asked, remembering how he spent the rest of the ceremony sitting on the edge of the roof watching his classmates he was probably never going to see again with their families, filled with smiles and cheers. He felt alone until he heard the rusting door swing open to find Gun standing behind him.

‘I just hoped you were’, Gun whispered as they continued to dance under the moonlight, their reflection dancing along the pool water, ‘You were always where I wanted you to be’

‘Maybe I’m just predictable’, Off chuckled.

‘Predictability is good’, Gun smiled, nuzzling his head on Off’s chest, ‘It’s better than not knowing where you were’

Off intertwined their fingers together, twirling Gun around as the song changed, smiling down at his husband who looked at peace for once.

‘I love you’, he whispered to Gun.

‘I know’, Gun replied, ‘You’ve said it so many times now’

I’m sorry’

‘I know’

‘If ever we went back in time to the day we first met, promise me one thing’, Off whispered.

‘What?’

‘Don’t hate me too much’, Off said, pressing his cheeks together with Gun’s, ‘I know I might be annoying, but I really wanted to be your friend at first’

Gun couldn’t help but laugh, breaking away from Off for a second before tiptoeing to kiss him, ‘I’ll hate the living daylight out of you’, he shook his head, ‘Because it’ll only make me love you more when I realised my feelings for you. Don’t you wish to do the same thing all over again if we had the chance?’

‘Absolutely not’, Off furrowed his brow and shook his head, ‘I would have asked to sit at the front’

‘At the front? Why?’

‘So I could sit next to you’, Off chuckled, ‘I always wondered how you looked up close’

‘God, this is why I hated you’, Gun snorted, ‘You never paid attention in class but still got better marks than me’

‘I do listen’, Off chuckled, ‘I’m also really good at multitasking’

Gun kicked Off’s leg, the two play fighting at the song stopped playing, leaving them in silence as Gun ran away from Off once he pushed the latter into the pool, seeing the after splash all over the garden floor.

‘Oh, you’re so gonna get it Gun Atthaphan!’, Off shouted after wiping his face, pointing at Gun as he swam out of the pool.

‘Try and catch me’, Gun shouted back, opening the door and running back inside the living room, screaming when he heard Off’s wet stomps into the kitchen where he was, feeling something wet wrap around him.

‘Tiny legs’, Off joked, pressing Gun against the kitchen wall, pulling his legs up and letting it rest around his waist as he leaned in for a kiss, ‘Shorty’, he kept on calling his husband names, getting him worked up as he whined and moaned under his kisses.

Would it be a crime for Off to keep things the way it is? Would it be okay for him to drag Neen around everywhere in his life after being the reason why her was turned out the way it is? Was it a crime to keep Gun to himself despite his family’s disapproval of his return? Was he a privileged dickhead who just happened to get whatever he wanted? Can’t he have all this? Gun pressed against him, his arms wrapped around his neck, lips swollen against his touch whilst they fucked on the kitchen tiles.

Maybe he didn’t deserve all of it, but he was going to take it anyway, because Off Jumpol’s always been a selfish bastard, he might as well keep the most valuable under his arms.

* * *

**Six Months Later**

‘Here we go again’

‘It feels like I’ve had a kid six times already’, Mike whined as they sat in the waiting room at the break of dawn, his eyes aching, wanting to close and go back to sleep, but he held his son in his arms since his wife was away on a business trip. He had already turned two, wide awake and tugging at his hair whilst he asked why they were in the hospital.

Emma was learning how to walk already, gripping on Arm’s hands as she tried to walk over to where Fiat’s son were. They were the same age and was intrigued with one another – or maybe they liked each other’s toy – Fiat noticed how his son was eyeing Emma’s Barbie doll.

‘We’re here! We’re here, did we miss it?’, Mild and Jane were the last to arrive, Jane cradling their son in her arms.

‘No’, Frank was the one who answered whilst he played on his Nintendo Switch, sitting beside his dad who was fast asleep and drooling over his shirt. New stood beside Tay who had collapsed on the waiting chair, cradling baby Mook in his arms and looking around the group.

‘Do you think we’ve ran out of names?’, Oab asked worriedly as he looked at his phone, FaceTiming his fiancé, ‘if they steal our name ideas I’m gonna kill them’

‘I’m sure they won’t’, Alice yawned, patting Oab on the shoulder and trying to fight the drowsiness. It was a weekday, which meant all of them had work in the morning, which was why Off was hesitant to call them, but Gun texted the group chat just in case they wanted to know and in about fifteen minutes, they all arrived gasping and heaving.

‘Wow, does everyone have a kid here?’, Jingjing asked whilst she crossed her arms and raised her brow at the families which were huddled like a tribe, cradling sleeping babies and trying to keep the toddlers preoccupied. Jingjing’s meant some of Gun’s high school friends and he mentioned they had all started a family, but she didn’t expect the immense crowd around the waiting room. It was odd yet entertaining at the same time.

‘Let’s be honest’, Fiat yawned again, ‘We all look like a mess’

‘Speak for yourself’, Mild stuck her tongue out, combing back her hair and taking out the baby wipes from her wife’s bag to wipe her face.

‘Babe, don’t use the wipes, what if we run out and we need to change his diapers?’, Jane told off her wife as she smacked her head, the pair sitting beside each other, looking up at the clock and waiting impatiently for Off or Gun to come back.

‘Wait’, Mike counted the children present in the waiting room, turning to look at his son, ‘My son’s two years older than everyone else’s kids’

‘Okay, so?’, Oab asked when Mike looked defeated and somewhat disappointed.

‘He’s no gonna be in the same year group as everyone else’s’, Mike pointed out, waking up everyone as they stared at him, only to laugh at the same time, bellowing at Mike’s complaint.

‘I’m sure your kid will make plenty of his own friends’, Oab snorted, patting his back.

‘Or maybe he’ll be a loner like you’, Fiat pointed out, only to earn a smack from Mike.

‘I was the Captain of the football team, thank you very much. I was the most popular one out of all of you’

‘Oh, come on’, everyone else shook their head and scrunched their nose at the statement, disputing Mike’s claims.

‘You were the captain, but I was definitely the most popular’, Mild pointed out, throwing her hair back and smiling her usual smile, ‘I was the prettiest’

‘Blurgh’, New scrunched his nose, ‘Since when did you started acting obnoxious? You were never this arrogant in school’

‘Ever since she started working with Off’, Jane answered for her, rolling her eyes but laughing, ‘He’s rubbing off on her’

‘Let’s be honest, no one here was popular in school’, Arm called them out, ending the subject before they got into one of their pointless argument again, ‘Plus, if we really had to pick, the most popular is in the delivery room right now about to be a dad of twins’

‘Gun was never popular’, they all murmured, which only made Alice and New glare at them whilst Arm snorted.

‘I’m talking about Off, you idiots’

‘Ah, fair enough’, they all nodded and Jingjing looked confused at them all, listening to their conversation and not understanding their private humour.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, I am now officially a father!’, they heard someone’s voice shouting from across the corridor, making them all stand to their feet and turn around. Gun opened the hospital doors with a smile which stretched across his face.

‘Boys or girls?’, they all asked simultaneously.

‘Boy _and_ girl’, Gun corrected them, making everyone cheer in the middle of the night in an almost empty hospital.

‘Where’s Off?’, Arm asked, shaking Tay awake as the boys make their way to Gun.

‘He couldn’t keep his eyes off them. He refused to leave the nursery’, Gun smiled, laughing at his husband’s expression the moment they laid eyes on their babies. Off looked terrified at first, his hands shaking, but Gun reached out and squeezed it and after the initial shock, there was a wave of softness which entered Off’s expression, somewhere between the feeling of endearment and pure joy.

‘Hello, my little ones’, Off whispered his first words to them, sitting between the two cots and watching his children fall soundlessly asleep. One was wrapped in a pink blanket whilst the other in blue, the world giving him the best of both worlds.

‘I’m an Auntie’, Neen was the first person to join him after Gun walked out to inform their friends, Off looking up at his sister who stood in front one of the cots.

‘Yeah, you are’, Off smiled, standing up and dipping his hands inside one of the cot, ‘She kinda looks like you’, Off whispered when he slowly lowered his baby girl in Neen’s arms, his sister looking slightly terrified but holding her nonetheless, her hands resting on her little head.

‘Don’t say that’, she snickered, ‘People lie when they say that. Babies don’t look like anyone after they’re born’

‘I’m trying to have a sweet moment here’, Off rolled his eyes, kicking his sister’s leg playfully as he picked up his baby boy, slowly as to not wake him up.

Neen looked down and saw her small face, barely the size of her palm and she couldn’t help but feel warm. She had always tried to hate Off, but after welcoming her into his family, the one that he created for himself and was willing to share with her, he had unknowingly pulled her out of the cycle of their family’s fuck ups and she knew she had to be grateful for him.

‘Please name her Nirin’, she whispered, leaning in to give her a kiss.

‘Nirin?’, Off turned to look at her.

‘That was my mother’s name’, Neen whispered, biting the inside of her cheeks whilst she tried to stop the heat rising from her cheeks to her eyes.

‘Would she be okay with that?’, Off asked cautiously, knowing that whatever relationship he built with Neen didn’t stop the fact that hearts were broken because of him.

‘She’ll be the happiest’, Neen nodded, his voice breaking as she faced her brother, giving him a comforting smile, ‘That name can finally be loved properly’

‘Nirin it is then’, Off nodded, ‘Although you have to take it up to Gun first. He has a notebook list of names he’d been jotting down for eight months now’, the two siblings laughed together, sharing a moment of solidarity before the waves of nosies flashed the moment the doors slammed open.

‘Look at them! So cute!’, their friends began to shout.

‘Shhh’, Off silenced them, cautiously looking down at his son who was thankfully still asleep, ‘You’re gonna wake them up’

‘They look gorgeous’, Mild whispered, making her way beside him first, looking down and stroking the baby’s cheeks, ‘He looks absolutely delightful’

‘Thanks’, Off whispered back, but his eyes weren’t on her, they were on his husband who was the last to walk in, his smile never fading the moment they arrived in hospital, his hair hidden in a beanie after waking up in the middle of the night, wearing one of his shirt which was big on him, a washed out printed mermaid.

‘Look’, Off whispered to his son, leaning him up a little, ‘It’s your daddy, the short one’

‘Shut up before I make you’, Gun kicked him on the leg, opening his arms out as his husband slowly lowered their son to his arms, watching the baby sleep, his cheeks chubby and eyes curved.

‘Here’, Neen walked over, handing their daughter back to Off, ‘They should meet their parents together’

Off smiled at her. He felt as if he was floating – as cheesy as it sounded – it was the truth. His steps were light, silence as they looked down over his children – yes, his one – sleeping peacefully in their arms.

‘We finally made it here’, Gun sighed, closing his eyes and letting the tears drop, drenching his son’s blanket with his joy, ‘Took us long enough, right?’

‘No’, Off shook his head, ‘I think today’s the perfect time’, he disagreed and smiled at his husband, using his free hand to wipe the tears from Gun’s face.

‘I’ve seen every one of ya’ll have kids yet every single time it tears me up’, Mike whined when he saw the way Off looked at Gun, as if his whole world was right in front of him, it made him tear up as well, sniffling whilst he hugged his own son, kissing him on the cheeks, ‘God, fatherhood made me soft’

‘Aww’, Jane laughed, leaning her head on his shoulders and watching everyone coo at the new addition to the family, wanting to take turns to hold the twins, waiting for one of them to flutter their eyes open and look up at the world for the first time.

* * *

But like always, all good things must come to an end.

Off opened his eyes when the baby monitor began to cry out, informing him that Nirin and Win were awake. It was Monday, two months after they had brought the twins home and everything was going fine. Gun was in charge of feeding whilst he drew the short end of the stick and was in charge of cleaning, but since he was going to stay at home for the first three months, he managed to get the hang of things when Gun went back to work, juggling his video meetings with shareholders whilst cradling his twins in his arms.

But despite being a stay at home dad, he looked even more tired than Gun who had just finished a million dollar project, his hair messy and greasy from his lack of showering, his under eyes darker than his hair. Gun couldn’t help but laugh when he dropped his suitcase on the floor, only to find his husband laying down there with his arms hugging one of the stuffed teddy bears whilst their twins laid fast asleep inside the baby basket.

‘Why didn’t you take them to their cribs?’

‘They don’t like to sleep on the cribs during the day time’, Off whined as he stood up, his bones immediately clicking back in place, ‘The sun irritates them’

‘Babe’, Off kicked his husband’s leg, ‘Babe, you’re on night shift’, he reminded Gun who continued to sleep despite the constant crying coming from the nursery, ‘Babe…’, Off whined, kicking Gun’s feet again.

‘Alright, alright, I’m up’, Gun stirred awake, rubbing his eyes together and looking at the time.

**_3.31 AM_ **

‘Christ’, he whined as he stood up from the bed, leaving behind Off who had selfishly gone back to sleep, drooling on the pillow as he passed down the corridor and towards the nursery.

‘Come on babies, what’s wrong?’, Gun called out in his soft voice, stretching his arms as he turned on the lights and looked down both cribs. Nirin was crying nonstop whilst Win was just looking nervously at her, his face scrunched up, not sure whether to cry too, ‘Don’t worry, daddy’s here’, Gun whispered, picking her up and nestling her between his neck, ‘Are you hungry? Do you need to change diapers? What is it?’, as soon as Gun stopped talking, he realised that the room had gone silent and when he looked down, in an instant Nirin was fast asleep in his arms. He couldn’t help but chuckle, leaning down and kissing her cheeks before laying her back down. He checked Win’s crib, seeing him still awake due to his sister’s crying, but he no longer looked irritated.

He stretched his hand out and stroked his son’s cheeks, smiling fondly at him before walking back out towards the door. But before he could close the door, Nirin began to cry again, flailing her arms around as she begged for her dad back.

_‘Don’t let them get used to sleeping in your arms, otherwise they won’t be able to sleep anywhere else’_

Their friends had given them as much advice as they could, loading them with lists of what they should and shouldn’t do, but somethings just seemed to slip past their awareness and before Gun realised, their daughter had gotten used to sleeping in his arms, wanting nothing more than to feel his warmth whilst she slept, so he had no other choice but to return back into the nursery.

‘Nirin, darling, you have to sleep by yourself’, Gun whispered to her, his eyes becoming heavy as he tried to keep awake, ‘Your dad’s gonna kill me once he finds out you can’t sleep anywhere else’

Nirin, who couldn’t hear Gun’s words, was already too comfortable, closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep again. Gun wanted to go back to sleep – he _needed_ to go back to sleep – he had a business meeting at nine, but he couldn’t bring Nirin with him and leave Win by himself, so he did the only logical thing a sleepy person could thing off, he lowered the bars of the crib, laying inside as he used the stuffed teddy bears as his pillows. The crib was surprisingly spacious, letting stretch his legs a little whilst he had Nirin rest beside him. Off was going to kill him once he finds him, but he was too tired to care and he’ll listen to the lecture tomorrow morning, but for now, he stroked Nirin’s head, humming her to sleep as they stayed in the nursery for the whole night.

* * *

Off woke up when he was trying to hug his husband, only to find out the space next to him was empty. His brain immediately sen shock waves of worry, forcing his eyes to open as he sat up and looked around.

‘Gun? Babe?’, he called out to his husband and when he felt around, he realised Gun’s spot was already cold, He instantly left the bed, walking to the end of the corridor to check up on the twins. The lights were surprisingly still on and when he opened the door, he looked down and couldn’t help but chuckle.

Win was peacefully asleep in his crib, but it was Nirin’s that he couldn’t take his eyes off, watching husband curl himself into a ball whilst he allowed Nirin to use his arms as a pillow to snuggle in. All three looked peaceful and for a moment, he didn’t wanna move, just wanting to take a picture and keep the memory to himself. But he knew Gun was going to wake up with aching bones if he stayed asleep in a crib, so he slowly lifted Nirin from his husband’s arms, making sure not to wake her as he transferred her in her brother’s crib for a moment.

Gun was easy to pick up, a habit Off had gotten used to after being Gun’s designated driver after every late night out. He had thankfully learnt how to walk without a sound, slipping out of the nursery with Gun in his arms, carrying him back their bedroom.

‘You’re doing well’, Off whispered, setting him down on their bed and kissing him softly on the cheeks, ‘I love you’

‘Mhhm’, Gun whined, stretching his legs and hugging the pillow. Off chuckled at him, tucking his hair behind his ear before he walked out to check on Nirin and Win, closing the door and heading back to the nursery room.

‘I love you’, Gun mumbled in his sleep, nuzzling his head on the pillow.

* * *

‘You look like shit’, Tay snorted as soon as the door opened to find Off looking like a fucking panda, holding a bottle of milk, ‘When was the last time you took a shower?’

‘What even is a shower?’, Off whined, closing the door once Tay walked in.

‘Where are the kids?’

‘Nirin’s sleeping in the nursery and Win won’t stop crying’, Off replied to his best friend, walking to the kitchen where Win was sitting on the baby chair, still crying and flailing his arms, ‘But he won’t drink. I’ve checked his diapers and it’s clean, I don’t know why else he would be crying’

‘Maybe he needs to burp?’, Tay suggested but Off shook his head.

‘I’ve tried that too. I’ve been patting his back for half an hour’

‘Hhmm’, Tay strokes Win’s cheeks, wiping the tears from his face, ‘Maybe he misses Gun? How long is Gun gone everyday?’

‘Nine to five, as usual’, Off informed, pinching the bridge of his nose, ‘But Win’s never cried like this before’

‘He’s not burning up’, Tay checked, placing the back of his hand on Win’s forehead, ‘Maybe just needs a hug’, he lifted his godson from the chair, letting him rest on his arm, squeezing Win’s cheeks and cooing at him. Tay had always been a class clown and his humour has always been childish, so it shouldn’t be a surprised when Win slowly stoped crying, watching Tay making funny faces every second, his voice squeaking every time he said ‘peekaboo’.

‘Woah, it’s working’, Off whispered when Win suddenly stopped, reaching his small hands out to touch Tay’s nose, ‘You made him stop crying’

‘Well, you know me’, Tay chuckled, ‘New always told me I was like a child, so it’s not a surprise that I get along with their age’, he was supposed to be joking, poking fun at himself, but when he turned to stare at his best friend, Off wasn’t laughing with him, in fact, he was doing the complete opposite. He had started to cry.

‘Woah, woah, woah, what’s going on?’, Tay asked when he saw the tears streaming down his best friend’s face, ‘what’s happening? Are you okay?’, he had never seen his best friend cry before – not even when they were young – so seeing tears coming from Off was not only out of character, but it freaked him out because he had no idea what to do.

‘I spent three hours trying to get him to stop and it only took you two minutes’, Off croaked through his crying, wiping his tears and setting the bottle of milk down on the counter, ‘I’m a bad father!’

‘Oh God’, Tay whispered, hugging Win as he stared at the way Off tugged at his hair, stomping to the living room, ‘Oh God, Win I think we broke him… I think… I… Where’s Gun?’

* * *

Gun was on a lunch break when he received a phone call from Tay. He planned to ignore it, wanting to FaceTime his husband instead, but he accidentally pressed the green button, cursing under his breath when he heard Tay on the other side of the phone.

‘Hello?’, Gun called out to him when he heard a lot of noises from the other side, ‘Tay?’

‘Gun, help me’, he finally heard Tay’s voice which sounded nervous, ‘It’s Off’

‘Off?’, Gun chirped up in his seat the moment he heard his husband’s name, ‘What happened to him? Is he okay? Are the kids okay?’

‘The babies are fine’, Tay sighed, ‘But Off… He isn’t’

‘Why? What’s wrong?’

‘He’s crying’

‘He’s… What?’

‘Off Jumpol’s crying’

* * *

Thankfully Gun’s seniors approved of his early leave for the day, packing his briefcase and driving as fast as he could back to their home after receiving an emergency message from Tay.

‘Tay? Off? Babe?’, he shouted as soon as he arrived home, slamming the door shut and tripping over the crumpled napkins and stuffed toys on the floor, throwing his briefcase on the sofa.

‘Gun, there you are’, Tay sighed as soon as he heard Gun’s voice.

‘Where are the kids?’

‘Here with me’, he pointed to the dining room where Nirin and Win laid in their baby basket, one asleep whilst the other drinking milk, ‘I’ve been taking care of them’

‘Where’s Off?’

‘In your room’, Tay explained, ‘I don’t know what happened, one minute we were trying to get Win to stop crying, then the next minute Off was the one crying and then… I… Well I freaked out. I’ve never seen the bastard cry before’

‘Don’t swear in front of the kids’, Gun warned him as he took off his jacket, setting it down on one one the chairs, ‘Can you watch over Nirin and Win for a minute, I’m gonna go check on Off’

‘Please do’, Tay sighed in relief, ‘Take your time and fix my best friend. I need him to discuss our next business plan’

It didn’t take a second for Gun to make it up to their room on the third floor, knocking on the door and opening it to find his husband laying in the middle of the bed wrapped in blankets.

‘Babe, you okay?’, Gun called out to him. He stayed in the corridor, waiting for his reply, but all he heard was sniffling, ‘Off?’

‘You’re home already?’, he heard Off’s muffled voice from under the blanket once he approached him, ‘Did something happen?’

‘Yeah, there was a family emergency’, Gun replied, kneeling beside the bed and resting his arm on what he assumed to be where Off’s shoulders were.

‘Really? Are your parents okay?’

‘They’re fine’, Gun chuckled, ‘It’s you I’m talking about. Tay told me you had a breakdown’

‘I’m fine. Go back to work’

‘Off, you’re not fine. Tell me, why is someone like you crying over something small?’

‘Small?’, Off pulled the blanket out of his face, sitting up from the bed and glaring at his husband with red eyes, ‘I can’t even figure out how to stop my own son from crying but Tay fucking Tawan can do it in two minutes?’

‘He’s had more experience than us, you shouldn’t be disappointed in yourself’

‘No, no, I should’ve seen it coming’, Off whined, tugging his hair and wiping the dried tears from his cheeks, ‘I knew I was going to be a bad dad, but I didn’t think it was gonna be this soon… I didn’t think-’

‘Off, stop freaking out, Gun pulled him into a hug, combing back through his hair, ‘You’re doing well, I promise. You’re doing amazing’, he felt his husband stopped shaking, so he continued to stroke his hair, hushing him in silence and just hugging him tight. Neen had spoken to him on the phone a few months ago, warning him that Off’s many masks still hid quite a lot of his feelings and he should keep his shields up just in case one of them breaks. He’d been cautiously waiting for it, readying his arms for Off to fall into, ‘I love you’, Gun whispered to him.

‘I love you too’, Off replied, sniffling his nose and wiping the remaining tears which still rested on the corners of his eyes.

‘Why don’t I take the weekend off and we’ll take care of Nirin and Win together. We could drive to my mum’s where the air is slightly cooler. It might do us well’

‘Okay’, Off gave in, not having the energy to argue. Gun laughed at him, pressing his forehead and pressing their lips together again.

‘Why don’t you take a shower first? You fucking stink’

‘Are you gonna be okay?’

‘Don’t worry, Tay’s still downstairs taking care of the twins’

‘Sorry for causing trouble’, Off sighed, ‘You should still be at work’

‘No, don’t be’, Gun smiled, shaking his head and looking at him, ‘I like this. I like you relying on me, you should do it more often’

‘This is a one off’, his husband pointed at him, getting out of bed and grabbing a towel, ‘I’m stressed and tired, this isn’t gonna happen again’

‘Keep telling yourself that!’, Gun joked, laughing as soon as his husband recovered from his anxiety attack, leaning on the bed and sighing in relief.

Everything’s a work in progress. They’re a work in progress, but they were going in the right direction. Gun could feel it, that they were going to be fine from now on.

* * *

**Thailand; 2013**

**_My Future_ **

‘What the hell is this?’, Off looked down on the assignment handed to them during their literature class. He sat in the back with Tay and Arm, chuckling at the title of the booklet handed to them.

‘It’s about your future’, their teacher called out, ‘I want you all to write about your aspirations, your future goals and what you think you’re life will be like say… In ten years time’

‘We’ll be so old’, arm scrunched his nose when he counted his age, he would be turning twenty seven and he grimaced at the thought of it.

‘I bet Tay’s in jail somewhere’, Off pointed out, making the whole class laugh.

‘Hey, you’ll be coming with me if that’s the case’, Tay punched his arm and joked back. Their voices were loud and it forced the whole classroom to pay attention to them, laughing at joking with the three boys at the back – all except one person.

‘Dumbasses’, Gun whispered under his breath, rolling his eyes when he heard Off’s obnoxious voice from behind him. The boy had always pissed him off since freshmen, but it seemed he only gets annoying after every year. Instead of joining the rest of the class with their jokes and conversations, he decided to focus on the question in front of him. They were supposed to write a page worth of dreams and goals, yet he managed to finish his in one sentence.

_Graduate from Bangkok University and become a doctor._

That was all he ever focused on since he heard his mum worrying about their bills one night, hoping that he’d soon be able to help her out in the future. That was all he ever wanted and he didn’t see anything else – not for his life anyway.

‘What would you be like in ten years?’, Arm asked Off playfully when everyone started to predict each other’s future, playing superlatives of who’s most likely to succeed or fail in life, analysing each classmate till their focus fixed on Off Jumpol himself.

‘Oh, we all know what’s gonna happen to him’, one of their classmates called out, chuckling, ‘He’s going to marry the most beautiful woman in the world, have a bunch of babies and be the owner of his dad’s law firm’

‘My dad doesn’t own a law firm’, Off corrected them, ‘He just worked for the biggest one’

‘Well, either way, you’ll probably be a lawyer like him, right?’, they all added on. Off didn’t wanna rebuke it, it will only emit more questions, so he shrugged his shoulders and winked at them.

‘All I know is I’m going to stay rich’, Off pointed out, ‘I don’t think I’m cut out living a poor life’

‘How about Gun?’, their classmate called out the boy’s name, everyone’s gaze turning back to the front of the classroom where the boy sat quietly.

‘He should be a private investigator’, Off scoffed when Gun’s name was added into the conversation, ‘He’s really good at scanning security footage’

‘Oh, get the fuck over it, I already apologised for it’, Gun rolled his eyes when the stupid idiot continued to taunt him over the time he accused him of cheating during one of their exams. It was a mistake that he had no choice but to own up to, which only gave Off a reason to poke fun at him.

‘I do have to say, I feel flattered with how much time you dedicated just looking for me’, Off smirked, kicking his feet up on the desk when he noticed their teacher had left for the bathroom, ‘If you like me, then you can just say instead of beating around the bush’

‘Who would fucking like you?’, Gun finally turned around to stare at the boy, glaring at his cocky expression, ‘You’re not as handsome as you think you are, plus you’re annoying. I’d rather spend an eternity in hell than spend five minutes with you’

‘Guys, calm down before the teacher comes back’, Arm was the first to reel in the fun since he knew whenever Off and Gun interacted, it never usually ended well.

‘I bet in ten years time, Gun will be the rich successful doctor that he said he’ll be, but he’ll be alone in his apartment, single with no one wanting to marry him’, off ignored his friend’s warning to stop, wanting to get a reaction out of the short boy sitting at the front of the glass, a grin on his face when he saw Gun’s cheeks turn red, his hand gripping on his pen.

‘And I bet you’d be in your second divorce’, Gun bit back, ‘Because you don’t know how to love someone else other than yourself’

‘Ooh, well at least someone wants to marry me, unlike you’, Off replied with as much fierceness as Gun.

‘Well, I would say I’d feel sorry for your future wife, but I’m judging her by her lack of taste in men’

‘You only wish you’d have someone like me’

‘Enough’, the door slammed open and they heard their teacher stomping inside with a cup of coffee, ‘You know I can hear your argument from down the hall, right?’, she glared at her two usual students who always caused trouble without a doubt, sighing when she turned to look at Gun and Off, ‘The both of you in the principal’s office, now’

‘But I didn’t do anything?’, Gun whined, ‘I only-’

‘I can usually deal with your arguments, but not today’, their teacher massaged her temples before sitting back down on her desk, ‘Today, my patience is thin, so the both of you go to the Principal’s office and finish your argument there’

The pair stood up from their desks, rolling their eyes as Off slid his hands in his pockets, quickly pushing pass Gun to the door laughing when he heard Gun’s feet tumbled across the tiles.

‘You!’, Gun shouted at him, making Off turn around and lean on the doorframe, laughing at him.

‘Last one to the principal’s office is a dumbass’, Off called out, lifting up his hand and that’s when Gun realised Off had taken his pen whilst he pushed pass.

‘Off Jumpol!’, Gun shouted at him, racing out of the classroom and running after him, the rest of the class laughing when they looked through the window, seeing Gun and Off running down the hall after each other.

/

**_My Future by Off Jumpol_ **

In my future, I see myself buying a new shop for Mrs Pho to run. She said she was also good with cooking hot meals, so I wish to set her up a comfortable life so she could focus on her cooking.

I also wanna see Off Jumpol as someone who knows who he is, someone who knows who he loves and how to love. I don’t care what I do or if I even gradate college, I just want to prove to my parents that I could love correctly, unlike them.

**_My future by Gun Atthaphan_ **

I wish to graduate from Bangkok University with a medical degree and become a doctor.

I wish to… Share my success with someone special. I don’t know who, but someone who I hold dear, maybe a friend, probably a family or maybe a ~~wife~~ ~~husband?~~ Wife.


End file.
